Latest / Stuff Mom Never Told You / Happy Hour #136: We Just Wanna Have Fun?

Transcript

Happy Hour #136: We Just Wanna Have Fun? · Stuff Mom Never Told You

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Hey, this is Anny and Samantha.
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: I'm welcome to stuff I've never told your production to
• 0:08
  Speaker 2: buy Heart Radio, and welcome to another edition of Happier
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: as always. If you choose to drink or whatever you
• 0:25
  Speaker 2: choose to do, please do so responsibly. Are you sipping
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: on anything, Samantha?
• 0:29
  Speaker 3: So I discovered, you know, I had the complaint about
• 0:32
  Speaker 3: the fact that my bubble water that I would do
• 0:36
  Speaker 3: from home, I no longer have the pineapple. I found
• 0:38
  Speaker 3: it in the cane version. So I bought me an
• 0:42
  Speaker 3: eight pack and so I'm sipping on what of Do's, and.
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: I'm quite happy.
• 0:46
  Speaker 3: What about you know, just keeping that chill without the alcohol.
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: I'm drinking my final beer, my final Dragon con beer,
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: the last one left over.
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: End of an Era flash.
• 1:06
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah, So this episode is a bit of a grab bag,
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: and it does have to do with the fact that
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: Smith and I we've just been rushing about. Sure, we've
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: been We've been going. I feel like I've been going
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: since the end of June. I feel like I have
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: been going, going, going, and we you are about to
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: leave for your birthday trip, of which I am hitchhiking
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: my wagon to part of When we go to Seattle, which,
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: by the way, again, listeners, if you have any suggestions
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: for things we should do or eat or whatever. We're
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: in Seattle, let us now be there at the end
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: of September.
• 1:50
  Speaker 3: Oh.
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: Also, we're doing our Sex and the City listener join
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: us watch party, so enter that soon if you want
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: to do it. We've already got a list of names.
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: But if you would like to be considered, we are
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: doing it soonish, So yes, but yeah, we're kind of
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: in a rush to get a bunch of stuff done
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: before we go. And uh, I just have noticed I
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: have been a bit of a ball of emotion smith
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: in a way I'm not normally I do get I
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: do have you know, I get emotional about things. I
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: can feel like very strong emotions, but I don't normally
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: feel the things I'm feeling right now. And one of
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: them is jealousy. Oh, I am experiencing a lot of jealousy.
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: I'm normally not a very jealous person, but the jealousy
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: I'm feeling is that I feel I don't understand how
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: people in my life have time to have fun anymore.
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: I don't understand how people have time to take care
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: of themselves anymore. I don't. I'm jealous that they do.
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: And I know, if you're listening to this, you're like,
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: this sounds really hypocritical because you're basically just said you're
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: going on a vacation. But I feel like that I've
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: been going on vacations that we have to work really
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: hard to cover, so there's a stress around them. I'm
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: talking about like every day or just like every other day,
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: I don't know, but like just having fun or or
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: choosing to do something for yourself on a normal day,
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: on a non vacation day, and I have been experiencing
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: some jealousy stha. I'm not proud of it. I just
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: because I want to be supportive and be like, I'm
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: very happy for you. People be texting what they're doing,
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: and I'm like, oh no, I'm mad of being a
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: horrible friend because I just I want to feel that
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: I used to be good at it, and I'm I'm
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: really good at time management. I'm really good at time management.
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: But I think that the issue is I'm really good
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: with it for work. I'm really good with it. Like
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: I've said before, I've made my hobbies into work, so
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: even like things that might seem fun, I've turned them
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: into work. But I mean, I'm really good at the
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: time management part. But also I get so tired now
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: because I've been working so much, because I have all
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: these things that are fun things that I'm doing. Please
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: don't get me wrong, I'm very, very privileged and lucky
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: to have this conversation. But by the time I could
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: do something, I can't do it. I'm too tired to
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: do it, and so I usually just kind of stare
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: blankly at my screen and I'm my, gosh, this is
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: so sad. Yeah, it's I mean, it's a question of
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: priorities as well. I've talked about this before. I'm really
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: bad at because a lot of the people I'm talking about,
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: which if you're listening, I am really happy for you.
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: It's not it's it's more of a me problem. It's
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: a lot of you problem. Yeah, but you know, making
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: that time, like prioritizing that time to say, hey, I
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: need this. I'll work better if I do this, I'll
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: enjoy life better if I do this. But I thought
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: I was good at it for a minute during the pandemic,
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: and I had just really really fallen off of it.
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: I don't know, but I have experienced a lot of jealousy.
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: I experienced some anger.
• 5:45
  Speaker 3: I just like.
• 5:48
  Speaker 2: Mad people out there having a good old time.
• 6:05
  Speaker 3: I think it's interesting because I do wonder because I
• 6:08
  Speaker 3: often think about when hobbies happen and people having interests,
• 6:13
  Speaker 3: because you have so many interests, and yes, we have
• 6:14
  Speaker 3: parlayed a lot of that interest into our podcast because
• 6:19
  Speaker 3: having a new episode five days a week is three
• 6:21
  Speaker 3: hundred every day of the year with no breaks. It's
• 6:26
  Speaker 3: difficult even with the two of us on here. You know,
• 6:29
  Speaker 3: we've been together. You've been doing this way longer than
• 6:32
  Speaker 3: I have. And then we've been together for at least
• 6:35
  Speaker 3: four five years. Oh yeah, I keep forgetting this. I
• 6:38
  Speaker 3: keep forgetting that it's been five years. But having that
• 6:41
  Speaker 3: much content means we have to do things that allow
• 6:47
  Speaker 3: us to have our joy. So because everything for us
• 6:50
  Speaker 3: is constantly work. So yeah, we talk about yes it's
• 6:54
  Speaker 3: a privilege, but it does feel like an overstepping of
• 6:59
  Speaker 3: sharing too much. Sometimes it feels like we're doing that,
• 7:01
  Speaker 3: but this is the only way that we can still
• 7:03
  Speaker 3: do what we like and share it. But I also
• 7:06
  Speaker 3: have for me like, I'm very jealous of you having
• 7:10
  Speaker 3: interests in hobbies because for me, I feel like a
• 7:13
  Speaker 3: psychopath when I'm like, yeah, I don't do things. I
• 7:18
  Speaker 3: don't care about things. I don't like those things, like
• 7:21
  Speaker 3: I never And I thought about this earlier because I,
• 7:24
  Speaker 3: as a child would make up things in order to
• 7:29
  Speaker 3: pretend like I was normal that had a like for something,
• 7:33
  Speaker 3: and it helped my mother out and being able to
• 7:37
  Speaker 3: be like kind of placing a label on me and
• 7:39
  Speaker 3: be like, Okay, I can get her of this now
• 7:40
  Speaker 3: because she collects these or she likes these things such,
• 7:43
  Speaker 3: you know, all these things, and even like when I'm
• 7:46
  Speaker 3: picking out what's your favorite color?
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: Was all these I don't really think I have them.
• 7:51
  Speaker 3: I have things that I enjoyed for the moment that
• 7:52
  Speaker 3: I like from afar that are pleasing, but I wouldn't
• 7:54
  Speaker 3: think there's favorites. Same thing as Like again I talked
• 7:58
  Speaker 3: about the birthday thing like, oh, I don't want to
• 8:01
  Speaker 3: be celebrated, but also if you ignore me, I'm gonna
• 8:03
  Speaker 3: be gonna be sad.
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: If you forget, I'm gonna be sad.
• 8:05
  Speaker 3: I don't need presence and I don't really want presents
• 8:07
  Speaker 3: because it's probably gonna just take up space. But at
• 8:09
  Speaker 3: the same time, if you didn't do that for me,
• 8:11
  Speaker 3: I would also get my feelings hard, like this double
• 8:13
  Speaker 3: whammy of things, all of those things I'm like, but
• 8:17
  Speaker 3: this is supposed to be normal, so I have to
• 8:20
  Speaker 3: play into this. So for the same thing of like
• 8:22
  Speaker 3: watching you like actually caring about Star Wars, which makes
• 8:25
  Speaker 3: it easier for me to like help give you gifts.
• 8:27
  Speaker 3: But you do a great job of giving me gifts
• 8:28
  Speaker 3: because I'm like, for a person who has no interest,
• 8:31
  Speaker 3: you sure to do well and finding things like she might.
• 8:33
  Speaker 3: She probably liked this, you'll like this as well as
• 8:36
  Speaker 3: the fact, like you know, you have things that you
• 8:38
  Speaker 3: love so well that it's associated with you and people
• 8:42
  Speaker 3: find commonality with you like that. I'm like, man, I'm
• 8:45
  Speaker 3: not relatable, but it is like in that level of
• 8:49
  Speaker 3: like I am but I'm not, and I feel like
• 8:51
  Speaker 3: it's almost like I put on But these all these
• 8:55
  Speaker 3: things culminate into like that other person because they are
• 8:59
  Speaker 3: doing something that is outside of you. It feels like
• 9:04
  Speaker 3: they have more whatever, whether it's more friends, more popularity,
• 9:09
  Speaker 3: more interests, more engagement, all those things which I see
• 9:13
  Speaker 3: of you that I get jealous of that too, But
• 9:16
  Speaker 3: again it is that level of like, because you're different
• 9:20
  Speaker 3: from me this way or how I see or how
• 9:23
  Speaker 3: I feel it, or how I'm even communicating it.
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and that's interesting to get that viewpoint, because I feel,
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: for me a lot of what's happening right now is
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: that I can't be the level of fan I want
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: to be. I can't do that. I can't do it,
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: and I'm watching other people do it, and it makes
• 9:50
  Speaker 2: me feel bad about myself, to be honest, because I'm like,
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: I should just be happy that you are enjoying something
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: I like, but instead I'm mad you have time to
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: do it and I do not. And this is something
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: like I've talked about this before, but I don't want
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: to get too deep into this. I don't think we
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: should read too deeply into this. But my my dad
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: was really controlling about like the things that you liked.
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: Like he was very you have to like it and
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: be up and show that you like it, or you
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: have to like not like it and should but anyway,
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: so it was always kind of a performance of liking
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: something around, right, And so I am so in my
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: head about I don't want to do that. I just
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: don't want to be that, and so I'm like, I
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: think I'm like backing off too hard where I'm like not,
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: I feel like I can't engage at all, even if
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: I like we can have healthy disagreements or we can
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: be like I could tell you I'm jealous of fact,
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: but I feel so hard that I don't want to
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: make someone feel guilty or control or control this jump.
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: I felt like my dad was really controlling, But I
• 11:11
  Speaker 2: don't think my friends would be easily controlled by anything.
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: But like that idea of like trying to make you
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: fit into this is how you enjoy it only on
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: my terms or else.
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: Uh.
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: So I've been like really in my head about that,
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: and then I'm like, yeah, why can't you just I
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: can't you just be happy? You know?
• 11:33
  Speaker 3: Right?
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: It does suck, But.
• 11:36
  Speaker 3: I don't know if I've genuinely met anyone that can
• 11:41
  Speaker 3: just be happy. And I say this and that I
• 11:44
  Speaker 3: think you genuinely love that person and are happy for them.
• 11:47
  Speaker 3: But also there's a piece of you that feels like
• 11:50
  Speaker 3: you're either missing out on something, or there's a piece
• 11:53
  Speaker 3: of you that's judging like but I wouldn't do it
• 11:55
  Speaker 3: this way, or there's a piece of you that's like,
• 11:57
  Speaker 3: but do you really have time for the Like again
• 11:59
  Speaker 3: that that that judgment level. And I'm not saying that
• 12:04
  Speaker 3: maybe I'm just a really bad friend in that, but
• 12:06
  Speaker 3: like there's always a piece of you that's internalizing because
• 12:10
  Speaker 3: you are you, and you're inside your own head, and
• 12:13
  Speaker 3: no matter what, you will not be able to you
• 12:18
  Speaker 3: can't separate your self interest or your interests in general
• 12:23
  Speaker 3: from anything. Like it's just it's just you think, this
• 12:26
  Speaker 3: is why you relate to certain books, This is why
• 12:28
  Speaker 3: you relate to certain characters, this is why you relate
• 12:31
  Speaker 3: to certain fandoms, because you're putting in your perspective of
• 12:35
  Speaker 3: how do I relate to this, and this is how
• 12:38
  Speaker 3: things happen. And it's also the same way like how
• 12:41
  Speaker 3: you choose friends, Like there is a bit of set
• 12:44
  Speaker 3: which you should you should have self interest in that
• 12:47
  Speaker 3: not that it's all about you, but that you two
• 12:50
  Speaker 3: together are good together, Like you're not giving too much
• 12:54
  Speaker 3: or you're not taking too much, like that that should
• 12:55
  Speaker 3: be both things. But I think it's I don't know,
• 12:58
  Speaker 3: even for those who are really well adjusted, and maybe
• 13:04
  Speaker 3: some of the people are just like more of the
• 13:06
  Speaker 3: curiosity of the huh, so you're doing this that's interesting
• 13:11
  Speaker 3: and there isn't any judgment or that but more of
• 13:15
  Speaker 3: like a again that is in your mind, like I
• 13:17
  Speaker 3: wonder how it would be for me, or that's not
• 13:19
  Speaker 3: something I would do for myself. I wonder what that
• 13:21
  Speaker 3: looks like for you know, like this again, you just
• 13:24
  Speaker 3: can't help but relate to it in what you have
• 13:28
  Speaker 3: something in common or not in common, and again that's
• 13:30
  Speaker 3: related to you and your experience. And I find that
• 13:33
  Speaker 3: really really interesting in it self. I again, I love
• 13:38
  Speaker 3: when people do things like I do the same thing,
• 13:39
  Speaker 3: Like when you and Lauren get more opportunities to travel
• 13:43
  Speaker 3: or stuff like that, I get jealous, but I don't
• 13:46
  Speaker 3: want to do.
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: It that again, far.
• 13:49
  Speaker 3: That to that, But at the same time, it feels
• 13:52
  Speaker 3: like it's a judgment on me, kind of like how
• 13:55
  Speaker 3: you're holding back so that you don't get judged or
• 13:59
  Speaker 3: you don't come off of something as like something that's
• 14:02
  Speaker 3: been nagging at the back of your head because your
• 14:04
  Speaker 3: father's voice is there to not be this person or
• 14:06
  Speaker 3: would not be like him, whatever whatnot.
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: Both of those things are there, and.
• 14:11
  Speaker 3: I think is it's hard not to even for those
• 14:14
  Speaker 3: who are doing the things like my all my it's
• 14:17
  Speaker 3: not a motto, but my thought of frame was I
• 14:20
  Speaker 3: would rather be the one that changes instead of being
• 14:24
  Speaker 3: around everybody else's changing. So like meaning I would rather
• 14:28
  Speaker 3: be the one that leaves. I would rather be the
• 14:29
  Speaker 3: one that's, you know, not a part of this and
• 14:31
  Speaker 3: not people leave me, or in those situations I've had that,
• 14:35
  Speaker 3: like people would move away and it just crushed me.
• 14:38
  Speaker 3: But if I move away as much as it crushed me,
• 14:39
  Speaker 3: it would at least put me in a whole new
• 14:41
  Speaker 3: scenario instead of feeling like I'm missing out on something
• 14:44
  Speaker 3: or missing something. So that's that same kind of level two.
• 14:50
  Speaker 3: I think in both of those things. But again, like
• 14:54
  Speaker 3: even if you don't want to do it at all,
• 14:56
  Speaker 3: there's that relief like, oh, thank god, it's not me,
• 15:02
  Speaker 3: variation of like people are human with a hard time
• 15:06
  Speaker 3: and seeing different perspectives outside of their own.
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't even know if it's possible
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: even with empathy.
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: It's true. I mean, I also think a part of
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: this problem for me is that, well it's two part
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: I and I talked to some of my friends about
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: this because I've mentioned this, I was going to talk
• 15:28
  Speaker 2: about it. I probably should come back and do a
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: much bigger thing about it, but I mentioned it in
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: our Dragon Con wrap up episode, and I mentioned it
• 15:35
  Speaker 2: in some previous happier about kind of like friend groups
• 15:40
  Speaker 2: and fandoms and stuff like that. But one thing that
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: I have encountered because a lot of the stuff I'm
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: mad that I'm messing out on is fandom stuff, right,
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: whether that's fan fiction or video games or whatever it is.
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: The one thing I've learned is whish I should have known,
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: because you have made it clear several times, like people
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: don't experience it the same way I do, as in
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: people don't have the same my level is here. Their
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: level might not be anywhere close today. But to me,
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: I'm like, well, you're you're doing.
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: Oh.
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: But then the second part is, and I really do
• 16:24
  Speaker 2: think we should come back and talk about this because
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: I had another conversation with a friend of mine. You know,
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: this has been bothering me for a while that a
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: lot of stuff I like for me, and I'm going
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: to say very specifically, I try to keep this to myself,
• 16:38
  Speaker 2: but there is morality involves and you know, part of
• 16:42
  Speaker 2: like the attraction that I experience as like an asexual person,
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: I don't experience it in terms of unless I think
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: the fictional character is a good person. I don't think
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: you're attractive, which is not the case for everybody, but
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: that means like there's been some very strange where we
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: just are not connecting. And for me it feels like
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: a moral issue. And I know that that can feel
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: really to the other person involved, who I think their
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: point of view sees me as like way too rigid,
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: But it is been interesting for me too. I mentioned
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: I had to do like a lot of fandom soul
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: searching because I was like, I just I need to
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: really recalibrate in terms of I knew that I knew
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: people don't experience it the same way no one does.
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: But I also had to like continually take into account like, yeah,
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: I'm still learning about as an ACE person and how
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: I view things and how that fits into fandom stuff
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: oddly enough, and then my dad stuff of like, well,
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: I don't want to be too controlling, so it's just
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: kind of a it. It feels like it's holding me
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: back from really expressing myself because I don't want to.
• 18:08
  Speaker 2: I want people to like what they like and I
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: don't want to ruin that, but I also want to
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: talk about how I feel. This is a very self
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: indulgent episode. Please know that I realize it. I want
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: to find a fandom therapist. I want to find someone
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: who I could talk to about the fantoms in question,
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: who knows what I'm talking about. Who's a therapist that
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: I would say or I could let loose on some thoughts.
• 18:50
  Speaker 3: You know, I bet they would make a huge client
• 18:53
  Speaker 3: list at going to different cons if there was someone
• 18:57
  Speaker 3: who was specialized in that.
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: Either that or they would just get yelled that a lot.
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: One of the two.
• 19:02
  Speaker 3: Don't tell me to be healthy about my fandom relationships,
• 19:07
  Speaker 3: but one of the deal things would happen. But like,
• 19:09
  Speaker 3: that's such a niche, but really, like, yeah, that's that's amazing.
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: I wonder if there's such a thing. How do you
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: look for this?
• 19:15
  Speaker 2: I looked, I looked up some fandom support groups.
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: Okay, but I want.
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: I feel like I just need because again, I'm too
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: It's a combination of the things I've been talking about.
• 19:25
  Speaker 2: I'm too intense, like I feel like the people and
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: I disagree with a lot of the people I'm talking about,
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: and so I'm too intense and I disagree. I want
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: and I don't want to ruin the thing they like
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: or or I don't want to make them feel bad
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: about the thing they like. All Right, It's just so
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: I need somebody who could like just let me let
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: it out and knows what I'm talking about. Yeah, and
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: then I think I would better.
• 19:53
  Speaker 3: That would be funny if y'all know any any of
• 19:56
  Speaker 3: those specialists that I'd be amazing. I'm sure we have
• 19:58
  Speaker 3: some therapists like on hand and in our listenership. That'd
• 20:01
  Speaker 3: be like, I got you.
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: The funny thing is like I do have friends I
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: do talk to that I feel like I'm on the
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: same page with, but I still feel like I have
• 20:10
  Speaker 2: to hold back even with them. I need somebody I
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: can really like. And by why holding back, I just
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: mean I have a lot of thoughts. I would not
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: be yelling or shouting at anyone, I promise, but just
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: like I.
• 20:22
  Speaker 3: Guess I've never experienced impassioned, somewhat drunk Annie talking about
• 20:27
  Speaker 3: a big fandom where you know what's happening because she
• 20:31
  Speaker 3: goes oh and then loss of hands.
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yes, that happens when.
• 20:39
  Speaker 3: She's talking about something with a theory, yes, that she
• 20:42
  Speaker 3: has been thinking about for a while and probably has
• 20:44
  Speaker 3: already written an essay or to day.
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, yeah.
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: My essays aren't cutting it for me anymore.
• 20:50
  Speaker 4: You know, you need to retell it and we need
• 20:56
  Speaker 4: to call the dude a Patreon because I think that's
• 20:58
  Speaker 4: my niece just and now that's our extra episodes.
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: And he like goes to avent therapist. Oh my gosh,
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: it would be like, I feel like I'm making it
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: sound way more intensive. But that was just another thing
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: that going back to how my dad was if he
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: didn't agree with what I was saying, you were shut down.
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: So I just feel like I I need some space
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: where I feel safe to like really feel right these feelings.
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: I wonder too.
• 21:35
  Speaker 3: Part of this is because of that level of ridicule
• 21:39
  Speaker 3: you got from your dad, because that really does weigh heavily.
• 21:43
  Speaker 3: You know, adolescents that look and they're being like pushed
• 21:46
  Speaker 3: aside and shut down in any general ways that it's
• 21:51
  Speaker 3: more again, more in your head about the fact that
• 21:54
  Speaker 3: you feel like you can't do this more so than
• 21:57
  Speaker 3: people will be like because a lot of the times
• 22:00
  Speaker 3: when I'm watching you interact and I know I want
• 22:02
  Speaker 3: to say, you and my partner go after it like
• 22:04
  Speaker 3: it just goes. It's quite funny because I'm like all right,
• 22:07
  Speaker 3: y'all do your thing. I'm going to bed because it
• 22:11
  Speaker 3: goes into a tail spin of things that I have
• 22:13
  Speaker 3: no idea what's happening. I have woken up three hours
• 22:18
  Speaker 3: later to them still talking about this, and I'm sure
• 22:20
  Speaker 3: they've gotten onto repeat to be like they've talked about
• 22:23
  Speaker 3: this for the third time round and there's being the
• 22:25
  Speaker 3: same conclusions. But also whatever has been playing is now
• 22:29
  Speaker 3: on its third rerun replay.
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: Whether it's like.
• 22:33
  Speaker 3: If it's like a YouTube video, it's definitely on the
• 22:35
  Speaker 3: fiftieth replay. If it's a movie, it's on this third replay.
• 22:39
  Speaker 3: But stuff like that, And I know my partner loves
• 22:43
  Speaker 3: it as much as you do. Y'all just don't get
• 22:45
  Speaker 3: And I've seen other people who engage with you, love it,
• 22:49
  Speaker 3: love love.
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: Seeing animated Annie.
• 22:51
  Speaker 3: There are friends of yours I know and hours that
• 22:54
  Speaker 3: would want to argue with you, which is the opposite
• 22:57
  Speaker 3: of what you want. But those who truly being enlightened,
• 23:02
  Speaker 3: Like I can think of one of our old producers
• 23:05
  Speaker 3: who were not working with this anymore. But I just
• 23:08
  Speaker 3: remember when you went, oh, I don't think you want
• 23:10
  Speaker 3: to know, and they're like.
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: No, I don't I want to know and him being
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: really engaged.
• 23:14
  Speaker 3: But you started off with oh no, that's too that's
• 23:17
  Speaker 3: too much right now, and they're like no, And then
• 23:19
  Speaker 3: you went into it and I walked away and came
• 23:21
  Speaker 3: back and you were still into it, and he was
• 23:23
  Speaker 3: he was inside of your mouth, listening to whatever was happening.
• 23:29
  Speaker 3: So I feel like it's not again, this is more
• 23:32
  Speaker 3: maybe a little more of like my witnessing of you
• 23:34
  Speaker 3: being like, I think it's more of trauma talking, yeah,
• 23:38
  Speaker 3: like bad conditioning than it is what you think it is,
• 23:44
  Speaker 3: in that no one will listen or no one will
• 23:46
  Speaker 3: want to do this with you when actually there is.
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: I think you're right. I think you're right. I think
• 23:52
  Speaker 2: it's also like it's it can be hard when you're like,
• 23:56
  Speaker 2: I need to engage on this very specific point and
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: no one knows that specific point, and so it's again
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: like people don't. People are at a different level than me.
• 24:08
  Speaker 2: So sometimes it feels like I can't even the thing
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: I need to talk about is here.
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: That's fair.
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: I'm making all of hand gestures, lots of in gestures here. Well,
• 24:21
  Speaker 2: we'll see, we'll see how this fandom therapist thing goes.
• 24:25
  Speaker 2: But but yeah, I mean it also, yeah, since we're
• 24:30
  Speaker 2: going on a trip. I did recently see because we
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: were talking about our next conference what we would talk about,
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: and we did talk about like maybe doing something around
• 24:40
  Speaker 2: boundaries or is like sharing too much? I did recently
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: see a new Ish podcast where they were talking about
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: how stressful and weird it was to like share yourself
• 24:51
  Speaker 2: and to how it felt strange after you came back
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: from vacation to do all this stuff, and I was
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: kind of I felt validated us just us, yep, yep, Okay,
• 25:01
  Speaker 2: not just us, no, nope. Well, thank you all for
• 25:07
  Speaker 2: listening to this very self indulgent brand. H. If you
• 25:12
  Speaker 2: have any thoughts about it, please let us know. You
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: can email us a Stephani your mom stuff at iHeartMedia
• 25:17
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• 25:18
  Speaker 2: Stuff podcast, or Instagram and TikTok at stuff I've Never
• 25:21
  Speaker 2: told you. We're also on YouTube. We have a t
• 25:24
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• 25:25
  Speaker 2: wherever you get your books. Thanks as always too, our
• 25:28
  Speaker 2: super producer Christina, our executi producer My and your contributor Joey.
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: Thank you and reminder, if you want to be a
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: part of the Sex.
• 25:34
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• 25:38
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• 25:40
  Speaker 2: Yes, yes, please let us know, And thanks to you
• 25:43
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