Latest / Groove with Portia / When Your Grief Isn’t Seen: Why We Need to Talk About Infertility

Transcript

When Your Grief Isn’t Seen: Why We Need to Talk About Infertility · Groove with Portia

• 0:06
  Speaker 1: Welcome to Grow with Porsche, the podcast that uncovers the
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: hidden treasures within grief. I'm your host, Porsche the Producer,
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: and I'm inviting you to join me on a transformative
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: journey where we were exchange laughter, of course the best
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: medicine of them all, reflect on cherish memories, Remember that
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: time that the little boy grabbed my hand instead of
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: his mother's at the amusement park yikes, And of course,
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: discover gratitude while navigating one of life's hardest challenges lost.
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: So get ready to grow with me, Porsche the Producer,
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: let's dive in. Hello everybody, and welcome back to Grew
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: with Porsche. I am your host, Porsche Booker, and as always,
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: don't forget to like, share and subscribe to keep with
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: the latest and greatest of all with Grew of Porsche.
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: One of the things that I love about life is
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: the ironic things that occur. And as you all know,
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: I talk about grief a lot, and grief is not
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: always limited to the physical transitions that we experience in
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: our life. Let's think about the grief that comes from infertility,
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: but also, as I've mentioned too, that grief is the
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: birthplace for transformation. So today I have the honor of
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: having an amazing woman who not only had the experience
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: of infertility, but was gifted the abundance of three sets
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: of twins. So welcome to the show, miss fran Petrie.
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: How are you doing today, Fran.
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: I'm doing just wonderful today, Portia. Thank you so much
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: for having me on your show.
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: It's an honor to have you as well. We're going
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: to dive into your story and your journey and your
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: multi faceted creative wheelhouse. So before we dive into the conversation, Fran,
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: what are you grateful for today?
• 1:52
  Speaker 3: Oh?
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: My goodness, I am grateful for air conditioning because we
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: live in northeast Florida and right now I think it's
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: two hundred and forty six degrees outside easily, So I
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: am grateful. I am grateful for today. I'm grateful for
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: the sunshine. I'm grateful for the health that my family
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: has all been bestowed with. And I choose every morning
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: to wake up with a gratitude, with a gratitude of
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: attitude as.
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: Well, so I feel it. Fran. Let's be realistic. I'm
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: sure that you're ac If you didn't have that, you
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: probably have an ivy plugged into your armpits to keep
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: the deodorant flowing all day.
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: And I'll tell you a couple of years back, we
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: had we had a down unit. We had it and
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: it was it was bad, and you know, they just
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: can't come out soon enough. We'll be there, I promise
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: we'll be there. And then well, now we're gonna have
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: to be there tomorrow and oh, you know, but you
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: get through it.
• 2:52
  Speaker 3: You just get through it.
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: So you know, you do.
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: I mean, it's definitely been a little bit of a
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: toasty summer, even here where I am in Ohio, where
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: I've had to literally almost have to hire somebody outside
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: to fan me all day while I'm working, because I mean,
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: I live in a house that does not have ac
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: yet we're old school and we still use fans. Right
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: at the same time, we may do, right if I
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: start to have a little bit of the personal summer
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: roast show where I'm sweating, and it might, you know,
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: fall into a bucket for water later. We'll figure that
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: out at another time.
• 3:32
  Speaker 3: Well, I hear you, I hear you.
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: As I mentioned in the beginning, a lot of times
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: we associate grief primarily with the physical transitions of individuals
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: and people in our lives. And for you, you went
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: through infertility for a period of time before you had
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: your three sets of twins. I'm curious, Frank, can you
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: share with us what that grief journey was like for you.
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: So, you know, we all start out, most of us
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: start out, We get married, we think about, you know, what.
• 4:07
  Speaker 3: Our future is. We think about, you know, working on our.
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: Careers, but we also know that down the road we
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: want our children, We want to start that family, we
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: want that dream to come true. Well, with us, we
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: were no different. A few years into our marriage.
• 4:23
  Speaker 3: We decided the time was right to try, to start
• 4:26
  Speaker 3: to try.
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: And you know, all of our siblings or our peers,
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: everybody was starting to make their announcements, have their babies
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: and start their families. Well, we made that same choice
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: around that same time. But you know, the month went
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: by another one, another one, and then it became many
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: that turned into many years.
• 4:49
  Speaker 3: And it was a very difficult pill to swallow.
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: To realize at one point that yes, we are one
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: of those couples that I wouldn't ever want to be,
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: ever want to wish on anyone else. But and it
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: was very hard because It was an acceptance. Like any
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: grief that you go through, whether it's the loss of
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: a loved one, this was a loss of a dream
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: that we felt we were having, we were experiencing it.
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: We weren't the couple to jump onto the bandwagon and
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: start the big technologies or anything like that. We wanted
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: it to go about a natural way. We wanted to
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: give God the steering wheel. We wanted to think that
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: this was just, you know, our journey right now, and
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: we'll be patient and we'll do what we need to do,
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: but eventually it will happen.
• 5:37
  Speaker 3: Right well, two.
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: Years turned into three and into four, and it was
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: very hard, and we would go up and down. I
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: have to say that my partner in life, my husband,
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: has been one of the reasons why I've stayed sane,
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: because I was fortunate and blessed enough to find the
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: kind of person who was patient, supportive, and one of
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: the same things that I wanted as well. We were
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: each other's cheerleaders, were each other's biggest fan. And during
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: this time, these years of infertility and not knowing what
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: the future holds, and you know, there were depression.
• 6:18
  Speaker 3: That set in with me.
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: There was anger, There was I felt a feeling of
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: being denied something that everyone else was being told yes for,
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: and I felt betrayed. Honestly, I went through a real
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: hard time faith wise. I felt I felt that I
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: was being told no for whatever reason that was. And
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: it was difficult. And the only way we got through
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: it was we took breaks. We just said, okay, enough
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: for now, let's focus on something else for a while.
• 6:50
  Speaker 3: And that was wonderful.
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: And I had my career, and I had my family,
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: and I had my music, and I was at that
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: time a graphic designer during the day and a rocket
• 6:59
  Speaker 2: chick at night. I was a lead and backup singer
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: in a rock band in suburban Washington, d C. And
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: had a wonderful time in it.
• 7:07
  Speaker 3: But you know, that.
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: Cloud hung over my head and until until you know,
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: we took one more step and actually, you know, achieved
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: that goal and became expectant parents.
• 7:22
  Speaker 3: You know, I just I was not going to give up.
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: And that's one of the things I'll say to anyone,
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: as hard as it is, you know, give yourself breaks,
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: but but don't give up. And and just you know,
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: reach into yourself, reach into your soul and know that
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: you've got the strength to get through this and somehow
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: it will work out.
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: Friend, you brought up the support of your husband, and
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: I'm curious, how did you navigate and hold on to
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: that bond when both of you are kind of grieving
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: separately and also you're taking break and there is some
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: anger there, right, there's some sadness. So what did it
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: take for both of you to continue to choose to
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: love each other and support each other during this rocky
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: season in both of your lives?
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: Very very very good question. So we grew a lot
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: together during this time. You know, we met as teenagers
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: and we fell in love, you know, in high school
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: and college, and we did to get through college and
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: got our degrees and got married and started this life together.
• 8:35
  Speaker 2: But I'll tell you what, as much as we loved
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: each other then, and we did, and we made the
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: commitment to love each other forever. Boy, we were given
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: a huge challenge to live through. And you know, being human,
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: you start to find out it's not working. Whose fault
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: is it? Is it a fault? Do you want to
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: blame yourself? Do you have to blame the other? You
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: don't want to, certainly you don't want to, but only
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: naturally it's going to start to happen.
• 9:02
  Speaker 3: Is it you? Is it me?
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: We need to go through all these invasive, embarrassing tests.
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: We have to go through all this together. And I
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: have to say it was hard sometimes because my husband
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: is a private person and I'm actually when it comes
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: to this type of subject. Although I wrote a book
• 9:21
  Speaker 2: about it, going through it, it was a whole different situation.
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: Didn't want to sit down and talk about it, didn't
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: want to talk about it with my friends, didn't want
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: to talk about with my family, didn't want to show
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: up at reunions and family gatherings, and you know, the
• 9:34
  Speaker 2: elephant in the room. You know, after four years and
• 9:36
  Speaker 2: everyone's popping up pregnant, right, But you know, we talked
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: a lot. I find that our successful marriage was about
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: open communication, being honest, bluntly honest, you know, not being right,
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: just being honest, and understanding that each other is going
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: you know, we're both going through this together, sometimes more
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: than the other, one more than the other. We just
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: had to learn to be patient, make it not about ourselves,
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: talk it out all the time. And we did talk
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: a lot, and sometimes we just got tired of it.
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: Like I said, we took breaks we would plan a
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: vacation and go out and say, listen, while we're out
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: of town, this subject does not come up. We just
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: talk about what we're doing right now. We talk about now.
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: We talk about enjoying life and today and being grateful
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: for what we have right now because we're healthy, we're young,
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: and we have each other, and you know, some people
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: don't have that, and so we would try to focus
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: not so much on what we don't have, but what
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: we did have. And I think that that was free
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: and it allowed us to father, you know, to further
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: deep in our love and respect for each other, and
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: to understand that we were both going through this and
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: it was very, very hard. There were times, I'll tell
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: you I was in the deepest, darkest place, and you know,
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: between my faith, holding on by my fingernails and holding
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: onto Bruce's hands, you know, got me through it, and
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: we got each other through it.
• 11:15
  Speaker 3: And look at us now, we've been for years?
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: How many years?
• 11:19
  Speaker 3: Fran on May twenty eight, I'm sorry. On May twenty fifth.
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: This past month, we celebrated our fortieth wedding anniversary.
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: Wow, look at that.
• 11:29
  Speaker 3: Yes, I was only ten when we got me, just saying.
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: Wait, so y'all met on the playground in middle school,
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: y'all knew, Yes, he was the one. He's gonna be
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: the one that I'm with forever.
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but truly, but truly, it's been a growth process.
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: And I'll tell you nothing made us grow up more
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: than having the children.
• 11:56
  Speaker 3: Wow? Does that?
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: Does that change your life perspective? But does that take
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: you out of it's all about me?
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: WHOA?
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: Nothing changes you like that? And thrilling as two at
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: a time. That's been a journey and an amazing roller
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: coaster ride.
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: And so, friend, today you've got three sets, yes, six
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: children total?
• 12:20
  Speaker 3: Yes?
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: Are they stare steps? So what's the age's currently?
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: So when we found out we were having our first pregnancy,
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: in about about six weeks, I found out it was
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: two and I was thrilled, thrilled, thrilled. Down the road
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: we found out it was two girls. So we had
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: our two girls. Four years later we had our boy
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: girls set of twins. So now we had three girls
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: and a boy, and we were thrilled. About seven years later,
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: when it wasn't too late, we said let's go for
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: that boy and we got two, so we have three
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: of each. So a boy, boy, was last. The middle
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: center is a boy girl, and our girls came first,
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: so we have every twin combination.
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: Wow, I mean talk about almost like a fairy tale
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: type of situation where the wave of a magic wand
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: I live right an overabundance of a dream. You wanted children.
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: Exactly, and I would never have dreamed it. I would
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: never have imagined I wanted. You know, we say what
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: we want, you know, we dream about what we hope for.
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: You know, was a couple of children. We were hoping
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: to have a family together. And I never would have
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: imagined this would have happened. I never would have dreamed it.
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: If you had told me this when we were going
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: through what we were going through, well, first of all,
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: I would have just I wouldn't have believed you, and
• 13:49
  Speaker 2: I would have doubled over laughing. But it just shows
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: that God has plans way way beyond what we can dream,
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: and that his timing is perfect. And then it has
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: nothing to do with what, you know, we imagine, because
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: the imagination cannot hold what God wants to give us.
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: And you know, at the same time, I would never imagine,
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: you know, looking back now, it being any different because
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: I can't imagine that this journey being any different, and
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: I've been just so blessed to have gone through it.
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: It was hard, very very hard, a lot of hard
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: things that have happened even since all, you know, having
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: the children. But you know, it just proves, you know,
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: with patience, that all things are possible with God. So
• 14:39
  Speaker 2: that is my message.
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: Well, yeah, things don't happen on our time, right, they
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: happen on God's time, and they happen the very next day,
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: or it can take, to your point, several years.
• 14:52
  Speaker 3: And it was, you.
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: Know, it was over the course of twelve years or
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: more than. Really it was more like, you know, we
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: started to try to have a family, and it.
• 15:02
  Speaker 3: Was five years before the girls were.
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: Born, and then another good four years wanting to have
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: our third child. You know, went through another big, long
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: stretch of it. So now, the funny part was that
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: the first two set of twins actually took a little
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: bit of intervention, not anything big.
• 15:20
  Speaker 3: We didn't do IVF or.
• 15:21
  Speaker 2: Anything like that, but we we agreed to do something,
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: something small, but we did it. We did it once
• 15:27
  Speaker 2: and it happened. Then we did it once again and
• 15:29
  Speaker 2: it happened. But the third time was an idea and
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: we had our twins on their own, so.
• 15:37
  Speaker 3: That was that was the biggest irony of all.
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: So you know, I made no pun intended. That was
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: a science experiment that got.
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: A probably a plus, that's for sure.
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: Yes, I had for audience who's tuning in, they probably
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: are not aware that you also have a book called
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: Twin Times three And I know the book came out
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: in two thousand and nine and you recently remastered it
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: and also have an audio version near yes, ma'am by you,
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: And I'm curious, friend, for our audience, what maybe can
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: they expect in the audio version that may not be
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: in the print.
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: Okay, So the audio version came out just a few
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: months ago, and what I did is I updated it
• 16:26
  Speaker 2: because the second ten year anniversary of the first book
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: came out in twenty nineteen, and it of course updated
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: everyone for the last the ten years. That was the
• 16:35
  Speaker 2: gap between the first and second book. However, twenty twenty four,
• 16:38
  Speaker 2: end of twenty twenty four, I updated the audio book
• 16:42
  Speaker 2: all the way up to that point, which included a
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: wedding because we had one of our daughters was married.
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: So we've gone all the way through, you know, high
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: risk pregnancy to our first marriage. And it's a great story.
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: I tell the whole story myself. I read it myself
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: in a sound studio, and and you can feel, you
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: can feel the emotion, you can feel the joy, you
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: can feel the heartbreak, you can you can experience it,
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: you know, as you're walking through it with me, like
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: we're two people sitting on a couch talking about it together.
• 17:16
  Speaker 3: And and that's what my goal was.
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: And so people who've listened to it said, I just listened,
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: and I just, you know, I got caught up in
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: the whole thing, and I couldn't I couldn't stop, you know,
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: I just had to listen to the very end, and
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: it was so inspiring and just it was such a
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: feel good, you know, story of success and failure, but
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: that came to a culmination of joy and just the
• 17:39
  Speaker 2: belief that faith will you know, will see us through.
• 17:42
  Speaker 3: And that is what this is about.
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: And that's what they will your your listeners and your
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: readers will will hear when they read.
• 17:49
  Speaker 3: The book also.
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: But if you listen to my audio book, you'll get
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: a little bit closer to uh to kind of the
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: way it all happened and how I felt through the
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: whole thing.
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: So Frank, I got to ask this, Okay, considering that
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: you know you wrote this book, is there any part
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: in the audio where we're heel groups or any of
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: the kids?
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: Well, so not in the book itself. So the book
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: is really based on my journaling. So I started journaling
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: in these little books way back when I first went
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: on better rest with my very first pregnancy. It just
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: was a way to take a very busy, NonStop person
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: and put her on the couch for three months.
• 18:30
  Speaker 3: Was very hard.
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: So I found ways to keep busy in One of
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: those ways was just to jot down my observations, my frustrations, everything.
• 18:40
  Speaker 3: And I found that after a while that was helping me.
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: And as the years went by, after my boys were born,
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: last I had a stack of rubber banded together books. Well,
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: one day I just started to go back to the
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: beginning and read and I was laughing and going, oh
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: my gosh, I forgot about this and that, and wow,
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: that's kind of cool and that's kind of deep, you
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: know what. Well, I went into my office and sat
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: down at my PC and started to write and said,
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: there's a book being born, and the children are from
• 19:15
  Speaker 2: my perspective. I didn't want to get into their personal side.
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: I asked them for one thing. I wanted to make
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: sure that when this was done that they were respected.
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: They were little at the time, but they're now all.
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: You know, my youngest are seventeen now, and it's important
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: to me that they don't feel that they're embarrassed at all,
• 19:37
  Speaker 2: or at any way feel that they've been you know,
• 19:41
  Speaker 2: just you know, not.
• 19:43
  Speaker 3: Asked for their permission.
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: So I did, and if anything was against what they wanted,
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: or if they just didn't feel comfortable with it, it
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: didn't happen. But in terms of involvement, they aren't involved
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: in my music, and they do sing on some of
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: the music, because that is a that's a not to
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: jump to that transition, but I wanted to say that.
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: But as for the book and the audiobook, know, I
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: it's from my perspective as their mother, and so the
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: story is about me observing them in life with them
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: and with our family, and and that's that's the way
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: I chose to do it.
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: Oh friend, that's so just beautiful. I mean, the fact
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: that you took this downtime as you're cooped up and
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: on bed prison. Yes, yes, You're like, I need something
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: to do. I need to get these emotions out, and
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: why not through something such as journaling, because it's so
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: healing and relaxing, easy to do, and you know.
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: It's it's a therapeutic and cathartic process. It truly is,
• 20:52
  Speaker 2: you get down. I had names of people at nurses
• 20:56
  Speaker 2: and you know, I just there were just things I
• 20:59
  Speaker 2: needed to catch sure, just for sanity's purpose, and it
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: just it was helpful for me, and then I realized
• 21:07
  Speaker 2: maybe it would be helpful for someone else.
• 21:10
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I'm not the only one going through this,
• 21:13
  Speaker 3: that is for sure.
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: Okay, right, you ain't the only one that's been on
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: bed prison, well.
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: In the ability and in a high risk pregnancy and
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: then delivering premature twins and then getting through just the
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: trenches of newborn time.
• 21:29
  Speaker 3: And you know, and that is all about the trenches.
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: It is exhausting, so many things that we've gone through,
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: and so many things that we all go through.
• 21:38
  Speaker 3: It's just important.
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: I don't believe that any of us go through this
• 21:42
  Speaker 2: life alone, or nor are we meant to, Nor are
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: we meant to go through the things that we do
• 21:48
  Speaker 2: and keep it to ourselves. We're meant to share it
• 21:51
  Speaker 2: so that we can inspire, we can educate, we can encourage,
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: and we can entertain and and you know, we all
• 21:59
  Speaker 2: look for that purpose this in our lives. And I
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: believe that the road that I was given, you know,
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: and all the uniqueness about my life and the things
• 22:06
  Speaker 2: that we've been given in front of us to do
• 22:09
  Speaker 2: and to achieve and to get through, you know, those
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: are meant to be shared.
• 22:13
  Speaker 3: And I'm honored to be able to do.
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: That so well. Friend, speaking of purpose for our audience,
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: we were talking a little bit before we started a conversation.
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: You are also a musician, yes, man for our audience.
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: I'm curious, friend, when did that music passion start? Were
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: you one of those little kids that had their on
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: microphone growing up singing in front of the TV. And
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: who were some of your influences growing up?
• 22:41
  Speaker 3: Well?
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: So so when I was apparently I can't say this
• 22:45
  Speaker 2: for sure, but my mom would say this to me.
• 22:47
  Speaker 3: She'd say, I knew you were.
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: Awake from your nap because I could hear you singing.
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: You were in your crib and you were standing there
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: and you were singing, you know, the theme to television shows.
• 22:58
  Speaker 3: Before you could speak.
• 23:00
  Speaker 2: You were singing commercial jingles, you know, for advertisements on television,
• 23:05
  Speaker 2: and you couldn't put two words together for a sentence,
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: but you could do that entire thing, right, So and
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: so I got involved in, you know, in theater as
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: a kid, you know, through elementary.
• 23:17
  Speaker 3: And through high school and college.
• 23:20
  Speaker 2: Well as for my influences, oh my goodness, I was
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: huge into.
• 23:24
  Speaker 3: The Partridge family, Okay, I was. I loved Livy Newton John.
• 23:28
  Speaker 2: I loved so many artists it's hard to even say
• 23:33
  Speaker 2: I was huge into Elton John. Oh my gosh, I
• 23:36
  Speaker 2: still am. There are a lot of influences that I have.
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: I love Faith Hill, I love you know. I can't
• 23:45
  Speaker 2: even begin to name them all because a lot of
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: it goes back to even Oh my gosh, George Gershwin,
• 23:50
  Speaker 2: Oh my goodness, you know.
• 23:51
  Speaker 3: Glenn Miller.
• 23:52
  Speaker 2: Loved so many foundational musicians in this in you know,
• 23:56
  Speaker 2: in this world that we have to be able to
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: feed from from and to be able to be inspired
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: by push. I've been doing this my whole life. I was,
• 24:05
  Speaker 2: as I said in the beginning, I was in a
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: band in my twenties.
• 24:09
  Speaker 3: After getting out of college.
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: I joined a band one week my husband and I
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: lived in northern Virginia. Loved it, absolutely loved it, you know,
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: I mean it was amazing. Wrote lyrics to songs, we
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: did some original music back then. But then once the
• 24:23
  Speaker 2: babies were coming, it's like, you know what that got
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: that Bernard that went back on a you know, turn
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: that burner off, put it back there. Thought that was
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: never going to happen again.
• 24:34
  Speaker 3: You know.
• 24:35
  Speaker 2: By the second set, I was like, hey, turn that
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: burner off completely, take that pot off the stove. The
• 24:40
  Speaker 2: third set came along, I was just dumping everything into
• 24:42
  Speaker 2: the sink and saying, that's it.
• 24:43
  Speaker 3: It's over.
• 24:45
  Speaker 2: By the time the boys got to be about ten
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: years old, those were my last and everybody was getting
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: a little older.
• 24:51
  Speaker 3: I just had a one of those lightning bult moments.
• 24:54
  Speaker 2: It's not too late, get back into it, figure out
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: how to do it and make it happen. That's what
• 25:00
  Speaker 2: I did, and I got back into it. I was
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: living in a new state, a new town, didn't know
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: people in this town in terms of the music community.
• 25:07
  Speaker 2: But I uh, you know, you figure it out, You
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: figure out a way, you talk to people, and that's
• 25:13
  Speaker 2: where I am today. We've just finished our third album
• 25:17
  Speaker 2: of original music. Yes, and I have a band that
• 25:20
  Speaker 2: I am lead of and I manage and we play
• 25:24
  Speaker 2: all over Northeast Florida. We're called Class Act fran Petrie
• 25:28
  Speaker 2: and Class Act and and it's I'm having the time
• 25:31
  Speaker 2: of my life. And my number one biggest fan groupy
• 25:35
  Speaker 2: Roadie and everything in between is my husband Bruce and
• 25:38
  Speaker 2: our kids. Because as I said, our kids recorded on
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: one of our songs. And when I do perform that one,
• 25:45
  Speaker 2: whoever's there gets up and backs me up.
• 25:47
  Speaker 3: So it's a family project.
• 25:50
  Speaker 2: It's a it's a definitely a family fun event every
• 25:53
  Speaker 2: time we get together that way.
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: I mean, what what better way to have family engagements
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: than exactly, Hey, everybody, come be a part of this
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: new recording of this song. And exactly I'm curious, Frank,
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: walk us through your process of writing music because there's
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: so many, i hate to say, distractions. You've got ai,
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: you've got social media, and how do you block out
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: the regurgitated stuff in order to keep that originality and
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: not only just the lyrics, but also the instrumental orientation.
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful question, because as you said today, I
• 26:35
  Speaker 2: mean at our fingertips you know, it could be done
• 26:37
  Speaker 2: in ten minutes if we wanted to so. Well, when
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: I was years and years ago, I had probably about
• 26:44
  Speaker 2: six or seven songs that I'd written already, and I figured,
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: you know what, I folded them up, stuck them into
• 26:50
  Speaker 2: a drawer, and that was that. Well, three of them
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: actually have come to fruition out of that drawer. What
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: I do is I write the lyrics, and I sit
• 27:00
  Speaker 2: down with a composure, a composer that I work with
• 27:03
  Speaker 2: here in Jacksonville, a wonderfully talented gentleman named Kenny Levine,
• 27:10
  Speaker 2: and we we work on melody. We work on it together,
• 27:15
  Speaker 2: and we put together a project. It starts from, you know,
• 27:20
  Speaker 2: any time from It could take a week, it could
• 27:22
  Speaker 2: take two months before we're happy with it. At that point,
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: once we know what the melody is, how the lyrics
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: are going to flow, then we arrange the music and
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: I pick out what I want to hear.
• 27:34
  Speaker 3: I start to arrange.
• 27:37
  Speaker 2: If I hear lead guitar, if I hear only acoustic,
• 27:40
  Speaker 2: if I feel like the vibe is more, you know,
• 27:43
  Speaker 2: let's get some big band in there, Let's get some
• 27:45
  Speaker 2: get some horns.
• 27:46
  Speaker 3: You know, it all depends on just what.
• 27:49
  Speaker 2: I'm trying to communicate with that song. But I drive
• 27:52
  Speaker 2: the bus when it comes to this, that's for sure.
• 27:55
  Speaker 2: Every one of these songs has to be just the
• 27:59
  Speaker 2: way I wanted it, and I'm very, very much of
• 28:01
  Speaker 2: a perfectionist and it can take a very long time
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: to get.
• 28:04
  Speaker 3: To that point. But so no one song's process.
• 28:10
  Speaker 2: You know, is like the other. But we do it
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: old school. We do it old school. We start with,
• 28:16
  Speaker 2: how do you feel like this should be? What type
• 28:19
  Speaker 2: of song would you like to maybe base this on?
• 28:22
  Speaker 2: Is it Does it feel like a Nora Jones kind
• 28:24
  Speaker 2: of kind of a smoky piano bar vibe, And a
• 28:30
  Speaker 2: couple of them did, and so we worked those out.
• 28:33
  Speaker 2: A couple of them were, you know, I want to
• 28:36
  Speaker 2: I want to inspire someone and want to get somebody
• 28:38
  Speaker 2: off their butts and get their dreams going.
• 28:41
  Speaker 3: And so you know, it's.
• 28:42
  Speaker 2: Got a great The lead and the title track to
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: my second album is called Follow Your Dreams, and that's
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: the name of the album as well. So as well,
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: and with that song, it's about it's about the story.
• 28:58
  Speaker 2: It's about it's never too late. You know, you can
• 29:01
  Speaker 2: raise your kids and say, well, you know, let them
• 29:04
  Speaker 2: go off and now leave you something.
• 29:06
  Speaker 3: And my dreams they were great.
• 29:08
  Speaker 2: I got so just so far, but you know it's
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: over for me now I'm just gonna, you know, just
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: stay quiet with the rest of my life. No oh,
• 29:16
  Speaker 2: no oh no. You know, the dreams that we were
• 29:18
  Speaker 2: given were never given to us by mistake. We were
• 29:23
  Speaker 2: meant to do and meant to be. And this can
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: go on, you know, to my last last breath. That's
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: the way I choose to live. And so I'd like
• 29:32
  Speaker 2: to inspire anyone listening, anyone reading and listening to the
• 29:37
  Speaker 2: audiobook or the music, get out there, do do what
• 29:41
  Speaker 2: you want, do with that what is pulling at your soul,
• 29:44
  Speaker 2: because that is there for a reason. And you know,
• 29:48
  Speaker 2: and I say, it's never too late. Don't give up,
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: do it because all things are possible, All things are possible.
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: Ah, friend, you already said it. I mean, there's a
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: song by an artist. Her name is Li Meola, and
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: the song is called Don't Quit your Daydream, And that's
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: what it makes me think of, don't quit on something
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: that your heart has a burning desire to pursue. And
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: so Fran for our audience who's tuning in, I'm sure
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: that there's others who would want to connect with you
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: and also get a copy of your book. How can
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: they connect with you and also get a copy of
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: your book Twins times three excellent?
• 30:29
  Speaker 3: So first of all, just go to my website.
• 30:31
  Speaker 2: Because of my website has of course connections to all
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: of my social media, so it's Franpetrisings dot com. And
• 30:40
  Speaker 2: on that site you'll see everything. You'll see the music,
• 30:43
  Speaker 2: you'll see the book, you'll see the story, you'll see
• 30:45
  Speaker 2: the upcoming events of my band and everything that's going on.
• 30:48
  Speaker 2: I'm on social media. I'm at Facebook. You can find
• 30:53
  Speaker 2: my band at Franpetrie and class Act. That's where the
• 30:56
  Speaker 2: band is of what's going on there. For the book,
• 30:59
  Speaker 2: there there's a direct website for the print book and
• 31:03
  Speaker 2: the ebook and that's Twins x three dot com. And
• 31:07
  Speaker 2: I also have a blog that I keep it's just
• 31:11
  Speaker 2: called Franptree dot com and that's from moms and Parents
• 31:15
  Speaker 2: of Twins. I wrote countless articles on based on my
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: own experiences, everything from finding out you're pregnant with twins
• 31:24
  Speaker 2: to planning your your twins wedding, so everything in between.
• 31:29
  Speaker 2: You know, breastfeeding and potty training and you know what
• 31:34
  Speaker 2: to do when it comes to school because you want
• 31:36
  Speaker 2: to don't know, if you want to keep them together,
• 31:39
  Speaker 2: you will learn about twins and twin dynamics are extremely interesting.
• 31:46
  Speaker 2: You know, there's a competitive aspect to it. There's also
• 31:50
  Speaker 2: there's the comparison aspect when you're raising them and you say, well,
• 31:55
  Speaker 2: he's not doing what he's doing, well, you know they
• 31:58
  Speaker 2: shouldn't be compared. There's so many things that I can
• 32:01
  Speaker 2: share in that block, so so please do find me.
• 32:04
  Speaker 2: I would love to connect with you, and I'm looking
• 32:07
  Speaker 2: forward to keeping up this conversation with you going Porsche,
• 32:11
  Speaker 2: because I just love talking with you. I've probably over
• 32:14
  Speaker 2: answered so many questions, but no.
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: You you shared. Someone is going to hear this, whether
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: it's a new mom of twins, right, someone who wants
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: to rekindle that spirit of their music passion that might
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: have got put on the back burner.
• 32:32
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: We never know how our stories are the blueprint to
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: help somebody else, to give them that inspiration.
• 32:41
  Speaker 2: I one hundred percent agree, I one hundred percent agree.
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: Yes, absolutely, yeah, Well, everybody that was miss friend Petrie
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: that you heard from and that concludes another episode A
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: grew a Porsche. Everybody thanks for tuning in, everybody, Peace
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: and hair grease went