Latest / The Black Sheep Leadership Podcast / Somebody Has to Be the Villain — Let It Be You

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Somebody Has to Be the Villain — Let It Be You · The Black Sheep Leadership Podcast

• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: What's going on, Black Sheep family?
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: I want to welcome you all to the Black Sheep Leadership Podcast.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Athena Renee, and this is where the underdogs, the misfits, and the black sheeps come to turn pain into power and build a life by design so that they can leave a legacy behind.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: If this is your first time tapping in, welcome.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: What's up, family?
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: Happy to have you.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: And if this is your second, third time back again, what's up, what's up, fam?
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: I'm happy to see you again because you already know what time it is.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: But let's do this quick vibe check.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: If you're easily offended, sensitive, entitled, still waiting on somebody to save you, or you're allergic to accountability, this is not your safe space.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: So go ahead and tap out now.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: But if you're ready to move different, so you can level up different, stay locked in because by the end of this episode, you're walking away with something that you can execute immediately.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: So let's get to work.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: Today we're gonna be talking about somebody has to be the villain.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody got to be the villain of your story.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: Let it be you.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: One of the hardest lessons that a black sheep has to learn is that no matter what you do, you are going to be the villain in somebody else's story.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: Let that sink in.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: Because you know, as black sheep, we love people pleasing and making everybody happy.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: But I want you to understand that no matter what you do, you're going to become the villain in somebody else's story.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: And of course it wasn't because you were evil.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: You weren't even doing them wrong.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: But it's because your growth inconvenienced somebody else's comfort.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: Your growth offended somebody.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: Your boundaries offended somebody's access.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: And your success, it exposed somebody's excuses.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: And once you understand that, you stop trying to save your reputations in rooms that was committed to misunderstanding you.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: One thing that you have to understand, and I had to really grab hold to this, was that you cannot control other people's narratives.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: What does that mean?
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: You can't control their perception, you can't control their perspective.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: See, some people have already decided who you are, you haven't even said nothing.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I know as a black sheep, you've experienced that where you go somewhere or go to a job or an event, and you don't even know the people, you'd walk in there and you can already pick up on it as somebody just then made up in their mind that they don't like you.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: And you over there talking about, I haven't even did anything, and I don't know why they don't like me.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: See, as I always tell my black sheets, when you meet people like that, it's really confirmation that it's not about something that's on you physically.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: And don't get me wrong, if you're looking good, smelling good, right?
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: If you got that drip on, you didn't put that on, yeah, that's gonna definitely get them a little hot too, but it's something that's in you, and when it's in you, they can't figure it out, and they know for a fact they can't take it, they can't take it from you, so that's why they start doing other things, right?
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: And it starts with them saying they don't like you, you haven't even said nothing to them, and the dangerous thing about people is they don't always judge you based off of truth, right?
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of times they assume uh they uh uh they maybe heard something, then they judge you based on their insecurities.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: This is why you have people always competing and comparing.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: You have people that they judge you based upon their jealousy, their projections, and then they put you on their timeline of success.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: This is a big one, you know.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: Black sheep, a lot of times we're the late bloomers.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: We don't necessarily, and to be honest with you, I really start to think about the the term late bloomers, and it's really not even late, it's just your timing.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody's timing is different.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: It's just like some people they heyday they always talking about when they was in high school.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: You know why?
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: Because that was their heyday, they jumped off the porch quick and became an adult.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: I'll never forget my grandmother used to say, and I believe my dad, you better enjoy this time while you're a child.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: You better enjoy this.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: Before you know it, it will be gone.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: You better enjoy this, you know, because I grew up in the ghetto, so I was ready to get the hell on, right?
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: I couldn't wait, and it's so funny, guys.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: Listen, check this out.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: I'll never forget saying to myself, it'll be fun paying bills.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: I'll never forget it.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: And for the first beginning of my life, I'll say the first as an adult for about three to four years, and and probably some time after that, I struggled.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: Because don't get me wrong, I was making great money, but there was some times where number one, you just don't manage it well because you have to learn, especially if you don't have any tutelage, there's no shame in my game.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: I just knew you need to make plenty of it, and that's how a lot of my uh mismanagement was covered up because if you make enough, you can continue, you can fumble a lot, and it won't you won't have as much pain.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: But when that thing dries up, it's specifically if you're trying to start a business, and and or certain scenarios happen, maybe you move to a new city and some devastating things happen, like when my car got stolen, right?
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: It was crazy.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: But what I'm telling you is it's all good, you can start a place, but you don't stay there.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: But I was thinking about how we say that late bloomer, and is really everybody has their own time, and I'm saying all that to say people will put you on their timeline of success.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: So, meaning, if you don't if you're not married by a certain age, you're not doing nothing.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: If you haven't had a baby, you're not this, if you haven't uh bought a house by this time, you ain't doing nothing.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: And the reality of it is if you look through that throughout history, majority of the millionaires did not even crack into it until they was in their 40s, and keep in mind that was stone cold raw creativity, and don't get me wrong, guys.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: We have our raw creativity now, but there's just so many tools that we have that can really accelerate what knowing what used to take forever to do, right?
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: Don't get me wrong now.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: Don't get it twisted.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: There will always be the process, you can never get rid of the process because if that was the case, anybody would do it.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you can have the ability to get money, but you don't have the integrity or the character to keep it and know how to manage it and multiply it and protect it.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so regardless, if you start or figure things out at 35, 45, 55, 60, 65, whatever your that time is, obviously the earlier the better, right?
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: Number one, number two, and don't waste time committing the same mistake over and over and over again.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: We've all been around the same amount before, especially I'm gonna hey, I can speak from my own experience, specifically dealing with people, trying to give people chance after chance, chance after chance.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: This is why I tell black sheep to make sure that you are forgiving yourself.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: Don't look at your don't turn around or look back or figure out that all this time you've been forgiving dirtbags easier than you forgiving yourself for the things that you let people get away with.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: Forgive yourself and move on and know that today is a new life, okay?
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: Because at the end of the day, the present is a gift, and we have to start treating it that way.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: So let's get back to this message, okay?
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: Because these folks they'll put you on a timeline, and if you try to hop into what they own, you will start feeling bad about your stuff.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: This is why I say you gotta forgive yourself because as black sheep, we talented.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: There's no doubt that you're not talented, right?
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: You got some of the world class creativity, you're action-oriented.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of you guys have great attitudes.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: You the bomb.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: So you might say, Well, dang, what's going on with me?
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: Listen, first and foremost, we were people pleasing.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: This is why now you need to understand why you need to be okay with becoming the villain in somebody else's story.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: Because these people have put you on a timeline on their timeline of success, they didn't even live your life.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: How you gonna be putting me on your timeline of success?
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: That's what their expectations are of you.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: Some people let's be real, some people think you're not gonna do nothing anyway.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_00: But this whole section is about you understanding, you can spend your whole life trying to explain yourself to people and still end up being misunderstood.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: That is exhausting and frustrating.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: But the black sheep reality is you are naturally disruptive, you think different anyway, you move different, you break generational strongholds, you question the norm, and people who are committed to comfort they hate disruption.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: That is one thing you have to understand, and it could be on any level, it could be on any level.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: I'm talking about I even see it in my family.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: My grandmother, God bless her soul, she let some crap go on for decades, over 30 years.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: But unfortunately, when it was her time to go, someone else stepped in to continue on where she had worked, her and my grandfather had worked so hard for.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: They hate it.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: That's why some people will call you arrogant.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_00: When you start to level up and change your life, they're gonna call you arrogant, difficult, cold, selfish.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, you you forgot where you came from.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: They start calling you too ambitious, too ambitious.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: That's why people try to humble you too.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: You know, have you ever gone and that's another thing, and it's another episode, but when you get around people that you grew up with, or around people that knew you a different version of you, an older version of you, and they love to say, I remember when you used to this, I remember you used to ABC, right?
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not meant to be a celebration on how far you've come, it's really a slick way of trying to humble you, okay, and they do it because they know they know that you're not on that same stuff that you own, and they start to already feel uncomfortable because they haven't did nothing.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_00: But see, this is the cost of growth.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: Growth changes relationships, and some people only like the version of you that was easier to control.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_00: This is absolutely me.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: People loved it when you don't say nothing, when you just let them get away with it, because that was my thing, right?
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, uh, I don't even feel like being bothered with, you know.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_00: Or I went to a point, or I actually had like a roller coaster ride with my personality.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I came out and I was always picked on and talked about, and then I kind of dibbled and dabbled.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: I had ended up bullying somebody that bullied me.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_00: That was so funny.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_00: They bullied me first, I bullied them second, right?
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_00: And then uh after that, I can't I got into just where I want people to get along, you know.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_00: Let's just make it good for everybody, let's work hard and do our thing.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm and I'm speaking on the perspective of when I was with friends, but also when I got into management at the age of 18.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_00: And um that that don't work, that don't work.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_00: Because people, first and foremost, as a black sheep, they already done picked you out, they already done picked you out, they done peeped you out, they know they're not gonna like you.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_00: Number one, but number two, even when you try to let people get away with whatever they want to, it only works for a little while.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_00: Because once you start setting them boundaries, because you're gonna get tired of being sick and tired, but and once you start setting boundaries, you're not studying about their approval, you don't need their validation.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_00: Once you start making yourself smaller, right, you're gonna become the problem, it's gonna be you.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_00: Nah, you just became unavailable for manipulation.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: That's all it was, and that's different because human nature, you gotta understand, people, specifically when they haven't found their life purpose and they're dealing with insecurities, and it does not matter how much stuff they got, it doesn't, they're always looking to try to dominate somebody.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_00: Most people, it's like we is like, you know, as a herd, we we a lot of times we have a herd mentality.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, we started off as nomads, we were moving around from place to place, and so we love community, and that's good.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_00: We should, man.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_00: I love it too, right?
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: Don't get me wrong, to be the best person you can be with community, you need to make sure you know yourself, though.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_00: You gotta know yourself, you gotta be able to cool, be cool with yourself.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_00: If not, why do you think somebody else is gonna want to deal with you, right?
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_00: But we're here for community, we're here to exchange and be together, and you know, but it's to level each other up, not to bring each other down and try to dominate each other and and show that we oh we're bigger and better, and that's what people do all the time, and when you stop being available for manipulation, managing perception, when you really just stop giving a crap, you instantly become the problem, the enemy, and the villain in somebody's story.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_00: But see, when you stop managing perceptions, when you say I'm gonna just be me, I'm gonna continue, I'm committed to getting better, you know.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_00: And when I say you're gonna continue to be you, you're gonna walk in your truth at the same time, you are going to be able to identify and stand on places where you do need to improve, you do need to change, okay, because I don't want this to be a case where people say, Oh, they just gotta accept me for me, I'm just gonna be me.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: Well, what if you really fucked up for real?
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_00: What if you always saying the wrong crap at the wrong time, or the right crap at the wrong time?
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_00: What if your tone it always makes somebody upset?
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_00: It is if you have different patterns in your life, we should reflect.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_00: I believe uh Plato or one of those guys said, and I'm paragraphing paraphrasing, he said that the life not worth examining is a life not worth living.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_00: We should at least examine and reflect really on a daily basis, right?
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_00: But at least weekly, monthly, you need to think about the plays that you're making or the lack thereof, your personality.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes when you have a conversation, I'm not saying to play it over a thousand times like we do in the shower.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_00: Like I would have said this, you know.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_00: Forget all that.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just saying have your moment of reflection so you can continue to level up and become the best version of yourself.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_00: That's really what it's about because I'm telling you, one of the biggest wastes of energy is trying to manage how everybody sees you.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_00: It's impossible.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_00: It's impossible.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_00: Some people need you to stay the old version of yourself so they can feel comfortable staying at their old version of themselves, and the moment you evolve, the story changes.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_00: Now you've changed, now you act different, you think you better.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_00: Good, you should change.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_00: That's called growth.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_00: And let me tell you something: if you study, if you're always around people that's really not growing, they're nothing but weeds.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_00: Your peace is more valuable than their approval.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_00: Man, listen, and this is where maturity comes from.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_00: When you guys are when you understand the two P's, but we're talking about one of them right now, peace.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_00: Peace is priceless.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_00: What use is it to have a lot of money and nice health and you feeling good and looking good?
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_00: You got the best of the best around you, but you ain't you're not at peace.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_00: Peace is not something you can pay for.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, you need to you must stop needing everybody to understand you guys.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_00: Listen, everybody don't don't, they're not supposed to understand you.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_00: You are a called man or a called woman to serve a bigger purpose.
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_00: The only people that will understand you are the people who you are going to be serving, or the people that are gonna be a part of your mission.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_00: And like I said, it's game over for chasing validation.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_00: You know why?
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_00: Let me tell you the number, the one and only reason why you need to understand there's no point in chasing validation.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_00: I get you wanna you wanna make folks feel proud and that you know um that you've done something well.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_00: There's nothing wrong with that.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_00: Like, even when I think about talk about being with your person, right?
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_00: We're getting ourselves together because we love ourselves, obviously, but also we want them to feel proud about who they chose.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_00: You understand?
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_00: However, you can be the bomb.com and people still won't choose you and they still won't see your value.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_00: So, what does that mean?
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_00: They just don't perceive your value.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_00: That does not mean you don't have value.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_00: So, when you understand this number one reason why it's pointless to chase validation, you must understand you were born validated.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_00: If you made it to the other side, if you came out the womb, you was already validated.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_00: You was already validated.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_00: The creator brought you here for a reason.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_00: He said you're validated.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_00: Now, once we get here, the way the world bank account is set up, depending on what where you ended up at, I get it.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_00: It it shapes it shapes everything, right?
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_00: However, you will still validate it, and guess what else?
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: If we look if we look back and be honest, even though as black sheep's life gave us some crappy ass hands, there were still ways that we could have played our hand better, year after year, year after year in life.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna give you a prime example.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_00: Let's say, for instance, if you came from a crappy household, I'm talking about crappy.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_00: You could have focused all of that on your education to guarantee that you'll be able to do different things to even just stay away from home a lot more.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_00: Or when it was finally your time to graduate, you were going to a school fully loaded, you didn't have to drop a dime.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_00: Another way is let's say, for instance, even with attitude, sometimes attitude can open up doors for you, right?
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_00: But we didn't do those things, but at the end of the day, it doesn't matter.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, it's about today, but I just want you to know you've been validated.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_00: You don't gotta chase, you can walk around with your head up high, and let me tell you something too.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_00: Walk up with a high when you know, even though if you say, Man, I used to be a dirt bag or whatever, just know today I'm not, I'm a complete new version now.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_00: I'm doing other things.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_00: So when you start leveling up, people that knew the older version of you, they're not gonna understand it.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_00: But guess what?
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_00: When you understand you need to be validated, you stop defending every rumor, every lie, every misunderstanding.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_00: You already that's your peace.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_00: You ain't even tripping about it no more.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_00: You stop arguing with people committed to undervaluing you anyway.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_00: You say, you know what?
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_00: I get it, it's all good.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_00: I can't force you to see something you don't want to see.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_00: And truth be told, guys, they see you, they just don't want to admit it because it's you.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_00: They never thought it would be you, and they don't want it to be you.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, but guess what?
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_00: You stop arguing, you you don't even care because you know your peace, you know who you are, you know you're validated.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_00: That's power, that's peace, that's emotional discipline.
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the villain era when they like the misunderstanding.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_00: So let me be clear: being comfortable with being the villain does not mean becoming cruel, bitter, or reckless.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, it don't ever mean becoming nasty towards people.
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I'm gonna switch this up.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_00: No, not being bitter and cruel and mean to people, it means you stop abandoning yourself to keep other people comfortable.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, that's the difference.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_00: It means you are now prioritizing yourself, and if all of those other things don't fit in the person that you're becoming, you don't shrink back just because you want to keep the peace, you don't level up because you want to keep your peace.
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, you stop apologizing for growing, for healing.
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_00: Think about sometimes have you ever like went home or went back somewhere, and people still they doing the same thing, and they feel a little, they feel bad when you come around because it's all about them seeing a proof that seeing um proof that they could have done more.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_00: But my whole thing is if you don't do more, just own it and still have a good attitude about things.
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_00: Why make yourself and and I get it because guys, we are we're born for growth, but some people put their comfort over the growth.
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_00: But if you've decided not to, hey, you're gonna become the villain, you're gonna become the villain if you're choosing growth.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_00: Let me tell you something.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_00: So stop apologizing for healing, evolving.
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_00: People want you to be version 1.2.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_00: You upgraded your phone three, four, five times, but you haven't upgraded your life.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_00: Number one, number two, we've upgraded our phones, our TVs.
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_00: Some people got upgrade refrigerators, right?
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_00: We're upgrading all these things, but then it's a problem when we upgrade our lives or the lack thereof.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_00: You ain't gonna never upgrade your life, right?
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_00: But guess what?
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_00: It's time for you to stop asking permission to become who you were called to be.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's game over with that, and I'm gonna tell you something.
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_00: I have been inspired by some really, really I like I find inspiration and things that really just say that tell you to your face it's on you, you can do it.
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody has already done it, and you may not do it like them, but they are proof that if you want to, you can.
• 27:09
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna tell you two people that I've been definitely inspired by.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_00: Number one, guys, you already know I've been inspired by Harriet Tubman, right?
• 27:17
  SPEAKER_00: Harriet Tubman is just that person.
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_00: I don't care where you're from, I don't care what's going on.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_00: Harriet Purse, uh Harriet Tubman, specifically in the U.S., is just that girl that, hey, she died when I own nine acres of land, but she that had a dream job and everything, was a nurse in the Civil War.
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_00: Women didn't even get a chance to vote into the 1920s, but here she is, short, not mulatto, a black lady, ex-slave, runaway, got her dream job.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, but going past her, there's this guy, and you may not know him, but he's an internet type of influencer or person that's online.
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_00: But his name is Shamar.
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_00: And Shamar has some type of I'm gonna just say like an extreme case of scoliosis, right?
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like where he was just really bent over and everything.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_00: But let me tell you about Shamar.
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_00: First of first and foremost, Shamar started doing little things online, putting his face out there.
• 28:21
  SPEAKER_00: He didn't care.
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_00: Y'all know that y'all know the world is cruel.
• 28:25
  SPEAKER_00: They wrote, they fried him up, right?
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_00: He kept doing his thing.
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_00: Next thing you know, he dropped a song called Clock That.
• 28:34
  SPEAKER_00: And this one song, it was him and another female, though.
• 28:37
  SPEAKER_00: Her name is Fendi, and she was really cute too.
• 28:39
  SPEAKER_00: But Shamar made the song, he had this dance.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_00: Next thing you know, people started doing the dance on TikTok and social media, it became viral, but that's not it.
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_00: After that song, Shamar had to start getting work on his scoliosis and able to be a little bit better and just kept going.
• 28:59
  SPEAKER_00: Next thing you know, Shamar is on stage opening for Cardi B.
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_00: And Cardi B made history.
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not a Cardi B fan like that.
• 29:09
  SPEAKER_00: She's cool, but I'm not a fan.
• 29:11
  SPEAKER_00: And but Cardi B made history selling out all her concerts, her con this little miss drama.
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_00: But listen, Shamar, and guess what?
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_00: Shamar left.
• 29:23
  SPEAKER_00: Check this out.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_00: Shamar left the concert after his due, right after his uh act, and Cardi B called him back because his her daughter wanted to see him and meet him.
• 29:39
  SPEAKER_00: Y'all listen, Shamar.
• 29:43
  SPEAKER_00: If you look Shamar up, you will see a picture of this guy, and you'll say, What the hell?
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm telling you here today, when you start using people like that for inspiration, listen, you don't care about being the villain.
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_00: You happy to be.
• 29:59
  SPEAKER_00: You like, let me be.
• 30:00
  SPEAKER_00: If I need to go ahead and get out here and do me, let me be the daggone villain in your story.
• 30:05
  SPEAKER_00: It don't even matter.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_00: I'm telling you, listen, y'all, because this is the time for black sheets to be coming out, you know, and I don't want you to let nobody, nobody stop you from getting what you're supposed to have and what they said you could have.
• 30:22
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, become that villain, be comfortable with it.
• 30:26
  SPEAKER_00: Because the truth about leadership is this, and when I'm talking about leadership, you might say, I don't want to manage a job, I don't want to be a leader.
• 30:32
  SPEAKER_00: Well, number one, you need to be a leader of your life.
• 30:35
  SPEAKER_00: If you got a family, you need to be the leader of your family or co-leader with your husband, wife, whatever your setup is.
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, but number one, it starts with being a leader of your own life.
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_00: You can't lead nothing if you ain't lead your life.
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_00: That's why I always be tripping out when people be talking, like they always talking about how the females now be saying, I want a man for six figures.
• 31:01
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I'm not necessarily saying that you need to make six figures, but you need to have a mindset to be able to manage that.
• 31:09
  SPEAKER_00: Because even though we might say six figures is not a whole lot of money now, it's definitely a different level.
• 31:16
  SPEAKER_00: And see, you might get uh some six figures and you might think it's millionaire money.
• 31:20
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 31:21
  SPEAKER_00: Because you don't have the mindset for it, okay, and so you have to make sure you being that be that that you want to be, whoever that person is, and do the work to get there.
• 31:37
  SPEAKER_00: And let me tell you something, but you become that before you even do it.
• 31:41
  SPEAKER_00: That's why I was so inspired by Shamar.
• 31:44
  SPEAKER_00: He didn't let nobody hold him back.
• 31:46
  SPEAKER_00: But this so what I'm talking about leadership is you gotta be the leader of your life, your career, you the leader of your career path.
• 31:54
  SPEAKER_00: You don't like your job, get another one.
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_00: But what you must understand is every impactful leader in history became the villain in somebody else's story.
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_00: If you was in sports and you and you messed up somebody's uh play, and now your team won, you the villain.
• 32:13
  SPEAKER_00: You the villain, if you missed the winning shot, you the villain.
• 32:19
  SPEAKER_00: If you decided to go away to college and your parents wanted you to stay home, guess what?
• 32:24
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you become the villain, because a lot of times we really become the villain with people that knew the older version of us because you must understand that leadership requires decisions, it requires decisions that everybody's not going to be happy with, boundaries, standards, and everybody will not benefit from your elevation.
• 32:52
  SPEAKER_00: At the end of the day, they're not going to benefit from it.
• 32:56
  SPEAKER_00: That's just reality.
• 32:57
  SPEAKER_00: So here's a black sheet moves.
• 32:59
  SPEAKER_00: You need to go ahead and stop.
• 33:00
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, start right now.
• 33:02
  SPEAKER_00: Implement them, jump in.
• 33:03
  SPEAKER_00: Number one, stop over-explaining yourself.
• 33:06
  SPEAKER_00: You said what you said, and they got it.
• 33:09
  SPEAKER_00: People committed to misunderstanding you will turn your explanation into ammunition.
• 33:15
  SPEAKER_00: Make the move you're gonna make and they'll catch up later, they'll get a memo later.
• 33:20
  SPEAKER_00: Because the way people treating you, the actions show you how they feel.
• 33:25
  SPEAKER_00: So don't be over-explaining.
• 33:27
  SPEAKER_00: And listen, I'm trying to want you to know that making these type of changes.
• 33:32
  SPEAKER_00: No, it's not always easy as black sheep, especially when you, you know, you still in that people-pleasing mode and you want everybody to get along.
• 33:40
  SPEAKER_00: But look at the world, you don't even have to believe me.
• 33:42
  SPEAKER_00: Look at the world, the good guy, the person that let every day let everybody go first, they don't always win.
• 33:53
  SPEAKER_00: That is not no guaranteed seat to win.
• 33:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm not saying don't, I'm not saying not to be nice because I'm gonna stay sweet and kind.
• 34:02
  SPEAKER_00: That's really how you that's really the big flex.
• 34:04
  SPEAKER_00: All the crappy stuff that people did to you, they want you to be bitter.
• 34:08
  SPEAKER_00: No, I'm gonna continue to being beautiful, and it's gonna be authentic.
• 34:12
  SPEAKER_00: Guess what?
• 34:13
  SPEAKER_00: But it's control access, it won't be the people that don't deserve it, and they're gonna really hate it then.
• 34:20
  SPEAKER_00: That's what's gonna burn their heart.
• 34:22
  SPEAKER_00: They want you to be, they want you to become different in a bad way, so bad.
• 34:27
  SPEAKER_00: They want you to be that villain.
• 34:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you're gonna be that villain, but while I'm over here being beautiful and good to somebody else, you're gonna be burning up on the inside because you know you had access to that very same treatment, but you didn't respect it.
• 34:43
  SPEAKER_00: So stop overexplaining yourself.
• 34:45
  SPEAKER_00: They already committed to misunderstanding you.
• 34:48
  SPEAKER_00: Number two, identify where you're shrinking to stay liked.
• 34:52
  SPEAKER_00: Listen, be honest with yourself.
• 34:54
  SPEAKER_00: What part of yourself has been dimming down for approval?
• 35:00
  SPEAKER_00: Seriously, think about it.
• 35:02
  SPEAKER_00: A lot I I was listening to a man, he was in his 60s online, and don't get me wrong, this is a good move to make, but it still lines up with shrinking for other people, dimming your light.
• 35:17
  SPEAKER_00: It may not be for approval, but you're shrinking yourself just to keep the peace.
• 35:25
  SPEAKER_00: And it was about when he was saying, if you got a new truck, don't drive it to work.
• 35:29
  SPEAKER_00: Because people start hating you and not liking you and asking you questions.
• 35:33
  SPEAKER_00: He said, Anything you get new, you don't tell them.
• 35:36
  SPEAKER_00: Now, here's the deal of course, you don't have to advertise everything you're doing, but why buy a car and you ain't gonna drive it?
• 35:44
  SPEAKER_00: I don't let listen, y'all.
• 35:46
  SPEAKER_00: People gonna always have something to say.
• 35:48
  SPEAKER_00: Don't let people hold you back from enjoying the things that you have been blessed with and you have worked hard for.
• 35:56
  SPEAKER_00: Obviously, you gotta move with common sense, right?
• 36:01
  SPEAKER_00: We're not taking the Rolls Royce to an area where you know pew pew pew is out there, right?
• 36:07
  SPEAKER_00: But what I'm saying is, if you work for something and you said, I'm gonna get that.
• 36:12
  SPEAKER_00: People gonna always have something to say.
• 36:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna tell you something.
• 36:15
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes when you pull your stuff out or put your stuff on, yeah, it's gonna be people hating, but you know what?
• 36:20
  SPEAKER_00: You really inspiring them at the same time.
• 36:23
  SPEAKER_00: You just the ammunition that's letting them know they can do better, and people just don't like to be on blast.
• 36:28
  SPEAKER_00: This is why you this is why they say haters not happy and happy people not hating.
• 36:35
  SPEAKER_00: Because when somebody else is happy about life and they know they're working on something, they ain't even gotta be on your level to appreciate what you did, regardless whether you pulled up in a new car, came to work looking good, smelling good, did something, took a trip.
• 36:48
  SPEAKER_00: Even if they're not on that level and they are happy about life and they know they're working on something.
• 36:54
  SPEAKER_00: Guess what?
• 36:55
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna recognize real.
• 36:57
  SPEAKER_00: But haters always gonna have something to say.
• 36:59
  SPEAKER_00: So, what am I saying?
• 37:01
  SPEAKER_00: Don't dim yourself down for their approval because they're not gonna approve nothing, no way.
• 37:06
  SPEAKER_00: Number three, choose peace over perception.
• 37:09
  SPEAKER_00: Your purpose, what you think of yourself is way more important than public opinion every single time, every single time.
• 37:18
  SPEAKER_00: That was one of the things I always used to laugh about when people would say really mean things to me, and I didn't do nothing but show love.
• 37:27
  SPEAKER_00: And don't get me wrong, I laughed in their face at that time, but it hurted.
• 37:34
  SPEAKER_00: Let's keep it a buck.
• 37:36
  SPEAKER_00: It hurts like hell.
• 37:38
  SPEAKER_00: Certain things that people say to you, especially when you haven't did nothing but love on them, is like somebody took a dagger and stabbed you and drug it down.
• 37:49
  SPEAKER_00: And some of them will sprinkle salt in it, in the womb.
• 37:54
  SPEAKER_00: But guess what?
• 37:55
  SPEAKER_00: You know, we black sheep, we gonna keep our game face on.
• 37:58
  SPEAKER_00: We ain't gonna never let you see us hurt and cracked up.
• 38:02
  SPEAKER_00: So guess what?
• 38:03
  SPEAKER_00: When you understand you've been validated from day one, when you stepped down, when you stepped up on step no life, excuse me, when you came in, you know you was validated.
• 38:16
  SPEAKER_00: Listen, you don't give a crap what nobody says to you.
• 38:18
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 38:19
  SPEAKER_00: Because you didn't create me, you didn't make me, so you can't break me.
• 38:24
  SPEAKER_00: So me being me, I used to laugh in their face.
• 38:29
  SPEAKER_00: They say something real dirty.
• 38:31
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, well, whatever.
• 38:32
  SPEAKER_00: Huh.
• 38:35
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't start screaming hysterically.
• 38:38
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 38:38
  SPEAKER_00: Because at the end of the day, you don't have to receive what they said, remove the sting from it.
• 38:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it hurt that they said it, it hurt that the person that said it is somebody you ain't never did no wrong to.
• 38:51
  SPEAKER_00: It hurt that they do it, right?
• 38:53
  SPEAKER_00: But they did it, but at the end of the day, that's them talking out of their heart, but they still didn't make me, so they can't break me.
• 39:01
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, your purpose, your opinion of you matters to you more than public opinion ever will.
• 39:10
  SPEAKER_00: Remember that.
• 39:11
  SPEAKER_00: See, black sheep, everyone is not gonna clap for your evolution.
• 39:15
  SPEAKER_00: Some people benefited too much from your lack of boundaries.
• 39:18
  SPEAKER_00: Some people prefer the version of you to stay small, but you were not born to stay small.
• 39:25
  SPEAKER_00: And if you becoming who you truly are, this will make you the villain in somebody else's story.
• 39:32
  SPEAKER_00: So be it.
• 39:33
  SPEAKER_00: Be the best vi be the best villain they've ever saw.
• 39:38
  SPEAKER_00: You out here like the dark knight.
• 39:41
  SPEAKER_00: Because your life was never meant to be controlled by other people's opinion.
• 39:46
  SPEAKER_00: Alright?
• 39:47
  SPEAKER_00: So just remember it's information everywhere, but there's execution is rare.
• 39:52
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time, I'm your girl, Tina Renee, and I'm signing off.