Latest / EEShow (Everything's Energy Show) / What Casual Sex Does to Your Energy | Everything's Energy Ep-47

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What Casual Sex Does to Your Energy | Everything's Energy Ep-47 · EEShow (Everything's Energy Show)

• 0:00
  Torrey: I think a lot of women just wanna feel really safe with the person they're being intimate with. When you're safe, you feel like you can play more. And sex can be so fun and so liberating and you get to know yourself differently in the way you express or things you wanna explore more. And I think if you can feel safe feeling all those things, deep feelings with someone, you are accessing more of yourself. And therefore, you are opening many doors to growing yourself.
• 0:29
  Rather than just depleting yourself and chasing that forever high, sleeping with people that perhaps aren't gonna love you back, you're just gonna create this forever loop of just feeling empty. And I think a lot of women are craving that ultimate safety just to express who they really are when they're at the most vulnerable.
• 0:53
  Michael Scalar: When I get that feeling, I need
• 0:56
  Roland: sexual healing.
• 0:58
  Michael Scalar: Sexual healing. Yeah. I thought you
• 1:02
  Roland: were a DJ. That's not bad pipes, buddy.
• 1:06
  Michael Scalar: Oh, that so I I wanted to dive into the human biofield in relation to sex and the coherence of two biofields be coming together. Magic happens. Birth happens first at conception. Conjugation and two fields collide and maybe some body parts and some fluids.
• 1:27
  Roland: Fluids. Yep. But a lot
• 1:30
  Michael Scalar: of people don't really think about it past the energy of sex and and the relationship between the male and female. They think about just the sex part, is Mhmm. You know, doing the dirty, bumping uglies, however you want to go into it.
• 1:43
  Roland: Hopping on the good foot and doing the bad thing. Yeah.
• 1:49
  Michael Scalar: So the human biofield is very, very interesting because it extends past us, our physical body, and it can go up to 20 feet from what I understand, which was an interesting thing during COVID because they wanted everyone to remove their biofields from each other, which is kind of trippy. When you look at the human bio field, everything affects it. So I actually think there's a balancing that occurs when a male and a female actually converge. It balances the masculine side, softens it for the female. It gives more of that masculinity of the yin and yang, so to speak.
• 2:19
  What do what do you guys what do where should we go with this? There's a lot we can talk about.
• 2:24
  Roland: I think a good starting point would be to examine the concept of sex from beyond a physical act. Like you just said. Right? So it is two energies merging as one. You know, the the act of sex is one is going in the other.
• 2:38
  So you're sharing everything in that moment. And when I started learning a little bit more about this, it made me think of it differently. Because as a man, you're taught that the more notches on your belt, the more of a man you are. But if you're someone who's in tune with their own field, you do self cultivation work and various things. When you have sex with another person, from my understanding, it is literally an exchange.
• 3:01
  Like, sex stands for sacred energy exchange.
• 3:03
  Michael Scalar: And
• 3:04
  Roland: there is a download and sharing. So I've heard everything from your taking on some of that person in some context. There's some sort of a tether connected from you to that person in an ongoing basis, but you're also downloading all of their stuff, their emotions, their unresolved patterns, if you will, in life. So it could negatively impact you depending upon how many partners you're having, how many partners that person has had that you're engaging with.
• 3:32
  Michael Scalar: Well, it could be an upgrade or a downgrade too.
• 3:33
  Roland: Could. Yeah. You have to be very mindful of who you're wanting to swap things with. Flu, you know, there there's the unfortunate side of sharing things like STIs and SPDs with people, but there's the energetic side to that to where you could trauma bond with someone. You could create a dysfunctional dynamic with that person because they may have some stuff in them that you're interacting with and feeling, but you would have never stopped to think, this start after I started being physically intimate with this person.
• 4:00
  It's an interesting concept, isn't it?
• 4:02
  Michael Scalar: Yeah. Well, I mean, if you're plugging into someone and they're experiencing trauma, rage, depression, You you are entering that space. And now you might have to experience some of that as just being at effect of the emotions. Just forget about the physical side. So I mean, then back to you were saying the tethering too.
• 4:20
  They're showing in studies that in females, they're finding the DNA of their sexual partners. The vaginal canal is very absorby. I don't know if that's a good word for it, absorby. Absorb it a sponge. Men's strongest point of DNA contact is actually their semen.
• 4:36
  You've got a lot of dense information in that DNA. And if if the vagina is actually absorbing some of that, it could be circulating through their body, which is rather trippy to think about. Maybe a little scary amount that you know, sexual rates in say Japan have dropped by a significant amount. So maybe they just understand how intimate it is to go out and hook up and their birth rates are dropping which a whole another conversation generally throughout the world right now. It's a huge topic of people just don't wanna have kids.
• 5:02
  But I think there's a a lot of traumas that are being portrayed through media that don't really encourage people to wanna go out and procreate. So what are your thoughts as a female on the intimacy side of all that?
• 5:16
  Torrey: I would say it's tricky when you meet someone, you're really really attracted to them, and you just feel like you wanna have sex with them maybe on the first date,
• 5:25
  Roland: you know?
• 5:25
  Torrey: Everyone's very different with their rules, women and men. My experience with friends and knowing a lot of women, if you sleep with a guy or a girl too soon, it clouds your judgment on who they are as a person. And then you're falling in love with them after maybe the first, second, third time you slept with
• 5:49
  Roland: them. And you
• 5:50
  Torrey: think this person's amazing, you've got a lot in common with them. But actually, you just exchange a lot of energy. Yeah. And you're like, now you're totally bonded energetically. You downloaded a lot of what this other person's experiencing in their life subconsciously into your body as a woman.
• 6:09
  And you're like, why did I just fall in love with this dude? I just fall in love with this guy. But actually, after sleeping with someone for four or six months, you realize that actually this person's, you know, an idiot, or they don't treat me well. They don't actually And love now I'm falling in love with this person, But really, if I just got to know them as a friend first, that's not always the case, of course. But if you can just try to get to know someone and use your discernment, you know, rather
• 6:39
  Michael Scalar: than It is tricky because guys are trying to get that notch on the belt. Women are emotional creatures. Literally, they want to fall in love. They're looking for emotional where they're so comfortable around this person. Yeah.
• 6:52
  And a lot of a lot of guys right now are the notch in the belt, unfortunately, is I'm just trying to get off, and I'll and and they're trying to get that dopamine hit, and they're just, oh, I won't they're looking for a drug, literally.
• 7:03
  Roland: They're just looking to get it out of their system. Yeah. And I think it's a symptom of society. I've thought about this before. Nevermore in society have we separated love and lust.
• 7:12
  They're not mutually exclusive when it comes to intimacy, but I think to have lasting success in an intimate relationship, they need to be. Because if you're looking at someone as essentially, pardon my language, a fuck post, to get yourself off, then it's selfish. It's not about anything to do with them. It's all about you. Yeah.
• 7:31
  And that's the culture of what you just said. If you go a little further back in time, we never used to have these problems because we had greater values in society. And I'm not one for following religion deeply, but there are some beneficial values in aspects of creating monogamy and committed relationships, which is hard for people. And if you go even further back and you get into some of the esoteric stuff, you look at the Taoists, you look at the Tantric practitioners Mhmm. They were very careful around the rules of sex.
• 8:00
  How many people you sleep with as a man, even how often you release your ejaculation, the intentions around sex, the practices of moving energy. It wasn't about pleasure. Pleasure is the side effect. I mean, that's why procreation happens. God made it feel good when you have an orgasm.
• 8:18
  So do more of this. Make more of these little things called humans.
• 8:21
  Michael Scalar: Go forth and and be fruitful.
• 8:23
  Roland: But sexual energy is not something to be wasted, and it's not something to be underestimated in terms of the importance. It is creation energy. You mentioned in the opening of this this episode, I remember watching a video where sperm finally reaches the egg, and there's this release of light. There's this explosion.
• 8:40
  Michael Scalar: Yeah.
• 8:40
  Roland: That's the most powerful force in the universe, And you can use sexual energy as a cultivation technique to help improve you. The whole point of Kundalini is to use that resting dormant energy in the base of the spine, raise it up so you have, quote, unquote, spiritual enlightenment. And even in the Chinese, they have the three energies, the jing, the qi, and the shen. And the jing is that life force primordial energy that's not physical. It condenses down to the qi, which is what flows through the meridians.
• 9:11
  And if you're wasteful as a man, for example, you're essentially spilling the secret sauce of life that you never get to raise that energy to spiritual energy, which is Shen. So there's clues in history of how to manage these things, but we're just so far along and we're so disconnected from it. They're like, oh, look at this weird woo woo thing in a book from China two thousand years ago that talks about not ejaculating ever so often or as a woman, you know, not
• 9:36
  Torrey: Giving yourself.
• 9:37
  Roland: Not giving yourself too much or, you know, being mindful of when you're on your menstrual cycle. As a female, that's when you leak that life force energy. So there's a lot that I don't think we understand, or it's lost, so lost to history that we can't make sense of it.
• 9:51
  Michael Scalar: Sex has become the ultimate quantum experience now where we understand it, but we don't understand it. But
• 10:00
  Roland: also, if you think of overly sexualizing a society, no one gets anything done because all they're focusing on is sex. They don't treat it as sacred. They just treat it as, as you said, chasing that dopamine hit so they can maintain their lives at this roller coaster of addiction.
• 10:12
  Torrey: Yeah. Just chasing a high, and it boy, it is a high. But it's so short term. What's really, I think, magical is when you have a genuine loving relationship with someone. Like, you're not only best friends, but you're totally in love with that person.
• 10:29
  And that's where you can really explore the magnitude and the power of sex and how it can actually heal you. And you can, I don't know, you become more awakened as a human? We're so powerful as human beings. We're not told just how powerful sex energy is.
• 10:50
  Michael Scalar: It's not really taught. I mean, it is in like Tantra and things like that, but that's very under known.
• 10:56
  Roland: It's actually taught to suppress you in other contexts like don't do this, don't do that, don't touch yourself, you should never, you know, pleasure yourself. You'll have to say hail Marys and do the rosary. There'd be a
• 11:07
  Michael Scalar: pen and and and you'll get I remember the first
• 11:10
  Roland: time someone said that to a group of young guys, and everyone's, like, looking at their palms so intently. But we've created so many taboos and so many misconceptions around sex, and it really is a way that you can transform yourself, but it can also transform your life for the better or for the worse depending on how you relate to it.
• 11:28
  Michael Scalar: Yeah. Well, I mean, I I understood there was a very big difference between fucking and making love. In my early twenties, because that's when we're all going around and kind of doing the fuck like rabbits thing. Mhmm. And I remember hooking up with a few people and being like, God, that was terrible.
• 11:45
  And then having sex with someone that you actually really like and you're like, oh, that's you know magical and there's this feeling and you're not just trying to jump out of bed. It's like you could be a sloppy mess of juices and you're just like, no, let's just lay here. And it feels good and maybe maybe in your twenties too, like, maybe we can go like four or five more rounds.
• 11:59
  Roland: Like, we're
• 12:00
  Michael Scalar: not even getting out of bed today.
• 12:01
  Roland: That is a big problem nowadays because when someone engages in that kind of lust driven sexual activity, eventually, they become addicted to doing it. But after it's so unfulfilling, it it causes them to fall into depression. I've had a couple of clients like this where, you know, there've been men. They have created a life for themselves where they're very desirable or they know how to play a game. They know how to appeal to a woman.
• 12:25
  And they actually load themselves at the end of the experience because it gives them nothing but a catalyst to feeling empty, depressed, and realizing that they actually have no idea what love is. And I think there's a lot of guys I mean, I I can't speak for women. I'm not one. But as a man, I could see how that lifestyle breeds this addictive way of living without any sort of satisfaction, so you get stuck in having to keep it up Mhmm. To not have to face dealing with yourself or with the emptiness that says in your existence.
• 12:55
  Michael Scalar: Sexual heroin and chasing the dragon. Yeah. Truly. Truly.
• 12:59
  Torrey: And it is addictive. The more you have it, the more you want it.
• 13:02
  Michael Scalar: And it's a rush. It feels amazing. I mean, there is that side though where you do feel empty during it and after it with the wrong partners. And so, I mean, there's unfortunately, a lot of people don't have that inner voice where they're they're so they're literally chasing the dragon, so to speak. And then when you have that inner voice and you're tapping in and you're wondering, was this sex good or was it fulfilling?
• 13:23
  Or as a male, you could literally lose your your your erection halfway through because you're just like, this sucks. Like, why am I even doing it? Your your dick tunes out and is like, yeah, why are we doing this, bro? You're not
• 13:35
  Roland: fully in like, you're not enmeshed with the experience. You're a participant. You're not actually in it.
• 13:40
  Michael Scalar: There's just like working out kind of Yeah. True. It's a mechanical activity. Yeah.
• 13:45
  Torrey: Speaking from a woman's perspective, I think a lot of women just wanna feel really safe with the person they're being intimate with. And when you're safe, you feel like you can play more. And sex can be so fun and so liberating, and you get to know yourself differently in the way you express or things you wanna explore more. And I think if you can feel safe feeling all those things, deep feelings with someone, you are accessing more of yourself And therefore, you are opening many doors to growing yourself. And so rather than just depleting yourself and chasing that forever high, sleeping with people that perhaps aren't gonna love you back, you're just gonna create this forever loop of just feeling empty.
• 14:33
  And I think a lot of women are craving that ultimate safety just to express who they really are when they're at the most vulnerable because we're so vulnerable.
• 14:45
  Michael Scalar: Well, I mean, that's another thing too where you have this split between the masculine and the feminine. You have feminists who are like, we don't need men. Men who are just tapping out too and just being like, I'm sick of women. Yeah. And they're really not realizing that it's kind of a God's design of we actually kind of really do need each other.
• 15:02
  Yeah. So it's not about being independent. It's the intimacy or into me I see is as an exploration exploration on both sides where you're learning a lot from the other. The the woman is teaching how to feel and the man is teaching how to be grounded. And when these things come together, it's you know, it's like if you're gonna make a cocktail so to speak and you've got a mixer and the alcohol, it makes a whole another perspective drink.
• 15:27
  So I'm sorry
• 15:27
  Roland: you said cocktail, and I just I didn't go there at first, but More more talk, but selling tale. Cocktail, the story of sex with Michael Scalar, not a joke. But, you
• 15:38
  Michael Scalar: know, you you learn a lot from being intimate with the other sex.
• 15:43
  Roland: Mhmm.
• 15:43
  Michael Scalar: And I understand that there are other people out there that are exploring same side of female female, male male. And I feel like when you see those relationships a lot time, one of those is actually more of a feminine. Mhmm. And one is more as a masculine on both sides there. So you're still exploring more of that.
• 15:59
  Roland: There has to be a balance of some sort.
• 16:01
  Michael Scalar: Yeah. The balance. The yin and yang of the intimacy.
• 16:04
  Roland: But you bring up a really good point, and I think it reinforces something that I even mentioned earlier. Because you have groups of women who go like, we don't need men, or they want a man to draw in the energy that moves their life ahead. It's not about the intimacy. It's about the status of the upgrade. You have men who are going, we don't want women.
• 16:23
  We don't don't wanna deal with their bullshit. That energy, I believe, connects to dysfunctional sexual dynamics among society, especially in the Western world. Because we're inundated with things that are overly sexualized all the time.
• 16:38
  Michael Scalar: All everything is overly sexualized today.
• 16:40
  Roland: It's overly sexualized, novelty wears off. I had a conversation with someone today about the nature of Las Vegas, and my perspective of how amazing it is to live here. He's lived here his whole life. He's like, I never thought about how good this place was. That's human nature.
• 16:55
  When you get to the point where you're overly exposed to something, it loses the specialness because it's called normalcy.
• 17:01
  Michael Scalar: So jaded? Absolutely.
• 17:03
  Roland: Yeah. So I think it's a symptom of the West has a lot of problems with sexuality because what they're chasing is a lust driven self satisfaction, intimate relationship dynamic to where they don't wanna take the time and go through the awkwardness. I mean, as a guy, you're supposed to be able to perform well and satisfy a woman and make her all these things.
• 17:24
  Michael Scalar: And in
• 17:25
  Roland: a woman, you're supposed
• 17:26
  Michael Scalar: Are gonna say make her scream?
• 17:27
  Roland: I was I was I was and then, you know, as a woman, I'm sure it's you have to pretend like, oh my god. You are the best I've ever had. You're you're feeding each other's egos.
• 17:34
  Torrey: Women feel like they have to perform too and
• 17:36
  Roland: get away. Fake an orgasm.
• 17:38
  Torrey: Make the guy think that he's doing a great job. And Just like, all lies.
• 17:42
  Roland: All of it's an illusion of bullshit. Because do you remember, like, the first time you had sex?
• 17:49
  Torrey: Awkward
• 17:49
  Roland: and terrible. You're like, oh, is it in the right hole? And, ow, I stabbed. Like, it's just weird.
• 17:55
  Michael Scalar: Yeah. Early sex days are unique.
• 17:58
  Roland: Yeah. But I I remember because I I've read into some of these things, and I read the nature of sex being a practice. Mhmm. Right? So sexual practice, if you think about the word practice, it's something that you work at every time.
• 18:13
  It's not something that you ever truly master and reach a tabletop of proficiency. Every endeavor is new, and what what comes with practice is failure. Although failure is relative, it's not a real thing. If you can drop the ego of the performance that you have to put forth or the expectations of what you're trying to live up to, that vulnerability allows you to actually explore who you are, and you move away from lust and into intimacy and into connection. Because that's really the only way that you can have a healthy long term satisfactory relationship with someone is you have to find a way to connect with that person so you can both meet each other where you are.
• 18:52
  Maybe someone's got a few sexual hang ups and the other person's gonna hold space while they grow. Maybe the other person's got some trauma and the other person needs to be accommodating and understanding while that person works through that so it's not something that dominates their experience. But we need to move away from this lust driven thing to a place of loving and connection and bringing that into intimacies, is my opinion.
• 19:13
  Michael Scalar: There's a there's a lot of damage that occurs too in relationships where they're creating a lot of trauma, and they're not taking accountability to the narcissism that occurs Mhmm. Where people are literally stepping into these relationships to get the sex, and then they're treating the the other person like shit. And now this person leaves that relationship, and now they have all this trauma that they've gotta they've gotta accept that they have the trauma and then clear it. And they shouldn't be getting into another relationship until they've actually done some shadow work. Because otherwise, they're they're bringing that that damage into that next person's biofield, into their life.
• 19:44
  And that person's not gonna be very accommodating to that. So you're unless you heal, it's going to be hard for you to create the healthy reality in your lifestyle that you want.
• 19:54
  Torrey: I agree entirely. It starts with self love. Yeah. You know, a lot of narcissists secretly hate themselves, or they're just dissatisfied for some reason about their existence, and they can't fully accept who they are. So how could they fully accept or, you know, really see the needs of someone else?
• 20:13
  They're thinking about themselves all the time.
• 20:15
  Michael Scalar: Well, accountability kinda goes both ways too, because you have people overvaluing themselves saying, I'm this amazing catch, and they have nothing going on. And then other people literally talking to themselves in the mirror like, I'm not good enough, I'm ugly, and so you have to find a balance of understanding where you stand as a person, and what's gonna match your energy, but you know, if you're overweight, you go to the gym, try and look a little better. If you if you're depressed, then obviously the gym will actually help with that too. You need to tap into yourself and be like, can I fix? What can I do to self love, to self heal, So that I can create that masterful connection with someone when they actually appear?
• 20:53
  Because that's the problem too, is people the love of their life might be right in front of them, but they're so compressed and internalized that they they're not reaching out. That's right. Really common these days.
• 21:04
  Torrey: Yeah. I feel it's so easy, I hate to speak personally about my life, but I had a lot of lovely long term relationships, And I knew that I wasn't finding the one, and I knew in order to find the one, I had to do some inner work on myself. And so I was
• 21:24
  Michael Scalar: You took accountability. Congratulations. Thanks.
• 21:27
  Torrey: It was quite hard at first. Yeah. But I knew I needed to be single for a certain amount of time. And in that time when I was single, I was able to fully love myself in a whole another way that I thought I did before. You know, respected myself and loved myself.
• 21:41
  But when you're truly, truly alone, you're only left with your own thoughts and your boredom. And what am I gonna do today? And you're sleeping alone in the bed. And you really start thinking, what am I? How worthy am I?
• 21:57
  And you start realizing, no, I'm worth this. This is the sort of person I want to fall in love with. This is the sort of person I am. I want someone to mirror that. And once you really, really lock into that self love, you you start enjoying existence and you don't care about finding another person again.
• 22:15
  And then lo and behold, you know, as soon as you're happy being single, that person comes along because you're just so blissfully happy just being you.
• 22:23
  Michael Scalar: And that's a beacon of light that a person can be, and they glow, and then someone's gonna be attracted to that glow.
• 22:29
  Torrey: Right.
• 22:30
  Michael Scalar: So if you're dark and shut down, you don't have that glow, but then when you are actually experiencing that positivity in life and you've healed and you're radiant, then people go, oh, shiny.
• 22:42
  Torrey: And I think you're then gonna attract someone that's at that next level where you are now at. I mean, lot of people that are unhappy seem to find another person that is also unhappy, but maybe in a different way, but you just seem to work together and you compliment each other in your wounds. And you wonder why you start, you know, not working together because you haven't dealt with your wounds individually. But I think that there's this beauty in taking a step back from being sexually active and not being with anyone to really discover who you are with all those urges that we humans have. And that's where you find the purity of who you are and where you wanna next go with someone.
• 23:27
  Michael Scalar: That's well said.
• 23:29
  Torrey: Oh, thanks. But yeah, these things take time and you can't rush them, but I think the older you get and the more you learn to respect yourself more as a man or a woman, you can start really finding that other person that you can explore with sexually or explore just life with and be best friends with and yeah.
• 23:52
  Michael Scalar: Alright, where do we go from here?
• 23:55
  Roland: Good question. I mean, maybe we can round this out with maybe either a piece of advice that comes to mind or something that everyone has experienced personally that's been really beneficial for them? Maybe it's gonna resonate with someone who's watching this and struggling?
• 24:11
  Michael Scalar: I think really for relationships, it's about finding balance.
• 24:14
  Torrey: Mhmm.
• 24:15
  Michael Scalar: There's a push and pull. And so a lot of times you have one side that is is doing a lot of the heavy lifting, and the other side's kinda being toted around. It creates an imbalance. So you find ways to lift each other up, become that power couple. Mhmm.
• 24:27
  Obviously, initially, it's gonna be more of a feeling each other out, and that the initial sexual spark, you're enjoying the honeymoon phase, but if you want a long relationship, both parties come together and figure out how can I support you? And they ask both sides that question, how can I support you? And they reciprocate that. Because if one side is constantly asking for something and the other one's constantly giving, it it becomes draining that there's an out of balance weighing of scales that occurs. Mhmm.
• 24:55
  And so you really wanna keep it somewhere where it's gonna move. It's never gonna be stable, but I give you, you give me. I love you, you love me. It's it's rather simple, but obviously quite complex all at the same time.
• 25:07
  Roland: Yeah. I would say that, you know, the notion that no one is perfect and whatever you've dealt with, someone has had their version of that, and you're both gonna bring that into a relationship dynamic. And I think the successful ones, especially on the intimacy side of things, work through things together and hold space for each other because at some point, like you just said, with balance, there's gonna be this reciprocity. One may be good while the other is struggling. And then, well, that that one who's struggling, when they work through their stuff, maybe it holds space for the other person to work through their next layer of stuff.
• 25:37
  But fundamentally, you have to be understanding. You have to be willing to be vulnerable. And I think reframing your relationship with intimacy and being being able to hold a special place in your heart and mind for it rather than just something you do to satisfy an urge is an elevating perspective. Because if it is the creation energy that essentially makes life, it should not be something wasted or spilled or unhealthfully addicted to. That's my 5¢.
• 26:10
  Michael Scalar: Do you have a couple cents?
• 26:12
  Torrey: Yeah. I mean, going back to kind of how we started with sexual energy, which is within all of us human beings, it's so powerful. And I think we're really on a new wave of learning just how powerful we are as humans. And sexuality is so basic within us all. And I think the more informed we are, the more we're able to navigate it within ourselves, navigate a relationship with someone else, be able to do things more consciously, we'll be able to help each other grow more consciously, and healing will be able to be done through sex.
• 26:51
  Roland: Sexual he or him. Do you you literally I was literally just gonna say we came such a long way from your Marvin Gaye introduction. You gotta end with some Barry White.
• 27:00
  Michael Scalar: I like
• 27:02
  Roland: can't get enough of your love, baby. My baby man. Not we did a little baritone thing. I didn't know I could go that low.
• 27:10
  Michael Scalar: Alright. Well, I think we'll wrap there. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for joining us on our sexual exploration episode here. Like, comment, subscribe, all that beautiful stuff. We'll see you next time.