Latest / MESSmerized - Funny and faith based encouragement in marriage , family , Christian parenting , and finding purpose / Episode 160: Where Is God in This? Tammy Trent on Trusting Him Through the Hardest Seasons

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Episode 160: Where Is God in This? Tammy Trent on Trusting Him Through the Hardest Seasons · MESSmerized - Funny and faith based encouragement in marriage , family , Christian parenting , and finding purpose

• 0:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: This is Cynthia Gannoff and you are listening to the mesmerized podcast.
• 0:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: Alrighty friends, hello, glad you're here, thanks for being a part of the podcast and tuning in each week and thanks again to everyone who's still filling out the survey that I sent out.
• 0:25
  [SPEAKER_02]: You guys have been amazing, I've learned so much and so many of you have told me just kind of what's going on in life and what's been hard and where the struggle is and it's just been such a privilege.
• 0:37
  [SPEAKER_02]: To get to read about what's going on in your lives and to pray for you and pray for this podcast and that we can just continue to seek the Lord together So thank you for that and last week you probably caught on to the fact I did a solo episode talking about Habaqa and those times when you're like where are you Lord?
• 0:54
  [SPEAKER_02]: I have been praying, I have been praying, I've been praying, I've prayed for our finances, I've prayed for my marriage, or whatever your thing is, my prodigal child, and Lord, like, are you going to do anything?
• 1:03
  [SPEAKER_02]: We're going to sit here, like, what's happening?
• 1:05
  [SPEAKER_02]: And so we went through that, and so this week, just to be honest, I was going to release a different episode, but then I had the opportunity to interview a friend Tammy Trent about a book she has, and it literally is the same thing that we just talked about last week, but her story and just her encouragement.
• 1:23
  [SPEAKER_02]: And having read so many comments from you guys from the survey, I know that you're walking through some hard places.
• 1:28
  [SPEAKER_02]: I know that many of you have been praying and praying and seeking the Lord and something and it's not happening.
• 1:34
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I thought this is not by coincidence that I spoke on her back last week and that Tammy Trent was in my queue for podcasts.
• 1:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: So I went ahead and decided to release her today.
• 1:45
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's who's going to be on the show.
• 1:47
  [SPEAKER_02]: And Tammy Trent is someone I've known for several years.
• 1:51
  [SPEAKER_02]: She's going to tell you a story of something she walked through that's been of just impossibly hard, but yet the Lord is still a faithful.
• 1:58
  [SPEAKER_02]: So I'm so thankful she's on the show.
• 2:00
  [SPEAKER_02]: But then I also learned from the survey that you guys like personal stories and experiences and just keeping it real in my life.
• 2:07
  [SPEAKER_02]: And so I'm just going to keep it real because that's who I am and that's what I know.
• 2:11
  [SPEAKER_02]: And since we're talking about the things we're praying for and Lord, where are you?
• 2:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: Here's one.
• 2:17
  [SPEAKER_02]: I have prayed and prayed and prayed for my youngest JB to have really, really good friends or really just a good friend.
• 2:24
  [SPEAKER_02]: And he really hasn't had a close friend or a group of friends and I think there's a lot of reasons for that that are not worth going into.
• 2:32
  [SPEAKER_02]: But not totally, um,
• 2:35
  [SPEAKER_02]: Well, it is partially on him too, right?
• 2:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: And so I'm just going to leave it at that.
• 2:39
  [SPEAKER_02]: I always want to protect my kid's stories, but it has been a journey.
• 2:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: And so I pray, I prayed every single morning on the way to school.
• 2:46
  [SPEAKER_02]: I pray with him that he'll be a good friend and have good friends.
• 2:48
  [SPEAKER_02]: And so J.B. goes to school and he comes out every day happy.
• 2:52
  [SPEAKER_02]: And he jumps in the car every day and he says, best day ever.
• 2:55
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I've just been so thankful for that.
• 2:57
  [SPEAKER_02]: But two days ago, he got in the car and he had tears.
• 3:01
  [SPEAKER_02]: And he said, the kids won't let me play on the playground.
• 3:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: So that's the worst as a mom.
• 3:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: I mean, I can't think of anything worse, really.
• 3:09
  [SPEAKER_02]: That does me in.
• 3:11
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm like, oh, and I say I can't think of any worse.
• 3:14
  [SPEAKER_02]: There are worse things.
• 3:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: But that's a tough one as a mom.
• 3:16
  [SPEAKER_02]: And so I asked my couple questions and then I prayed with him when we prayed for those kids and we prayed for JB and his heart.
• 3:24
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I said to him at the end, he's crying.
• 3:26
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I said, JB, I think you're amazing.
• 3:30
  [SPEAKER_02]: and then he took a breath and he kind of wiped his tears back and he choked out a little thing.
• 3:34
  [SPEAKER_02]: He was mama.
• 3:35
  [SPEAKER_02]: I think you're amazing.
• 3:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I was like,
• 3:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: Wow, who gets to do this, right?
• 3:40
  [SPEAKER_02]: Like, I'm not amazing, but the Lord is and that He let me have this little guy, but I've prayed and prayed for Him to have a friend and for Him to feel community in friendship.
• 3:49
  [SPEAKER_02]: This is a little boy with a really hard story and He deserves to have community around Him.
• 3:54
  [SPEAKER_02]: And you know what?
• 3:55
  [SPEAKER_02]: The Lord has not answered that yet.
• 3:56
  [SPEAKER_02]: He doesn't have it.
• 3:57
  [SPEAKER_02]: If anything, it's going the wrong direction.
• 4:00
  [SPEAKER_02]: And so in the midst of that,
• 4:02
  [SPEAKER_02]: I just want to encourage you that it's hard and I don't know what your heart is and what you're walking.
• 4:07
  [SPEAKER_02]: I could tell you a lot of other hard I'm walking right now, but that's the one that comes to mind.
• 4:12
  [SPEAKER_02]: I just want you to know that the Lord is still faithful and we can choose to celebrate what he will do in the future.
• 4:18
  [SPEAKER_02]: I believe in trust that he will do it's right.
• 4:20
  [SPEAKER_02]: and kind and just and good.
• 4:22
  [SPEAKER_02]: And in the midst of it, when I can't see where he is, I'm gonna trust what I know of his character.
• 4:28
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I know that he's the same yesterday, today and forever.
• 4:30
  [SPEAKER_02]: And he's done it before he showed me his faithfulness and he'll do it again.
• 4:34
  [SPEAKER_02]: And so, I'm walking with you in those places that feel and possibly hard.
• 4:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I want you to know that I pray for you guys.
• 4:40
  [SPEAKER_02]: I don't know your stories, but I pray for you, that listen, and I just hope that you feel encouraged.
• 4:44
  [SPEAKER_02]: And especially today, listen to Tammy's story, but really apply it to your own story where you are.
• 4:48
  [SPEAKER_02]: and see where God is faithful in your life.
• 4:52
  [SPEAKER_02]: Take note of it, find the places where you can see the good.
• 4:56
  [SPEAKER_02]: And so I hope you enjoy this with Tammy Trent.
• 4:58
  [SPEAKER_02]: Here we go.
• 5:02
  [SPEAKER_02]: Tammy Trent, welcome to mesmerized.
• 5:05
  [SPEAKER_02]: How are you?
• 5:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm good and I'm glad to be here with you, my friend.
• 5:10
  [SPEAKER_02]: So fun.
• 5:11
  [SPEAKER_02]: Okay, so you and I spoke together one time at an event in Nashville area.
• 5:16
  [SPEAKER_02]: Do you remember this?
• 5:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: I do remember it.
• 5:20
  [SPEAKER_02]: And so a couple things were the of noting everyone.
• 5:24
  [SPEAKER_02]: First of all, they started the event.
• 5:27
  [SPEAKER_02]: It was the first night.
• 5:28
  [SPEAKER_02]: It was like a two day thing.
• 5:29
  [SPEAKER_02]: And so it was Friday night.
• 5:29
  [SPEAKER_02]: And the first speaker was Lisa Harper.
• 5:32
  [SPEAKER_02]: This second speaker was Tammy Trent.
• 5:34
  [SPEAKER_02]: The third speaker was Cynthia Gannoff.
• 5:37
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I started, literally the first thing I said when I got out there, who hates me?
• 5:42
  [SPEAKER_02]: like who hates me to put me after Lisa Harper and Tammy Trent.
• 5:46
  [SPEAKER_02]: And you're up there dancing and singing and telling this incredible story and I'm like, and then there's something at.
• 5:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: Girl, I can totally relate.
• 5:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, how many of us can in different places where God has put us to follow somebody, not just on a platform, but just in life and we feel so unequipped, we feel so
• 6:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: countless places and situations like that myself, that's why I giggle because I have been there and I felt all the feelings and I think there's something that happens when there's a shift finally in your life where you're like,
• 6:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm just me.
• 6:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: I have the gift gods given me and they're not Natalie grants.
• 6:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: They're not CC winens.
• 6:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: They're they're not the the great of speed.
• 6:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like I'm just me and in sometimes I think I finally got to that place later in life, which is like I'm going to bring all my gifts and I'm going to give them to the best that I can.
• 6:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: and just let them go.
• 6:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: And then I have no regrets after that.
• 6:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: I cannot compare myself to other people.
• 6:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: I think when you really tap into that, there's a freedom that starts to happen in the gifts that you know, like, these are my gifts.
• 6:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: This is mine that nobody else has this, it's the specific gift.
• 6:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm going to go ahead and shine in it.
• 7:03
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 7:03
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 7:04
  [SPEAKER_02]: 100%.
• 7:04
  [SPEAKER_02]: Well, do you remember?
• 7:05
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I love that.
• 7:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: And that is absolutely the right answer.
• 7:08
  [SPEAKER_02]: And you get there at some point in life, everybody.
• 7:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't remember specifically, but I remember running into you in the bathroom totally.
• 7:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: So tell me what tell me what we said.
• 7:21
  [SPEAKER_02]: I said.
• 7:24
  [SPEAKER_02]: I said, and then, by the way, not knowing your story, really just knowing who you were generally.
• 7:29
  [SPEAKER_02]: I said, I think you're right before me, and you're like, I think so too.
• 7:33
  [SPEAKER_02]: You were curling your hair, and by the way, Tammy's hilarious and such a, like, easy going.
• 7:36
  [SPEAKER_02]: Okay, this wasn't like an intense moment.
• 7:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: It was like a laid-back moment.
• 7:40
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I go, I think you're right behind me, a right in front of me speaking, and you're like, yeah, I think that's right, and I go,
• 7:45
  [SPEAKER_02]: I mean, I hope your bomb is like laughing and you're like, I love it.
• 7:51
  [SPEAKER_02]: You just said that I'm like, I'm kidding.
• 7:53
  [SPEAKER_02]: Obviously, I don't want you to bomb and I want the Lord to speak through you.
• 7:56
  [SPEAKER_02]: But we had a good laugh about me telling you, I hope you bomb.
• 7:59
  [SPEAKER_02]: And then you get up and you tell your story and all that.
• 8:01
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm like, I probably should have known a little bit more about her story before I said, I hope you bomb.
• 8:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: But here we are.
• 8:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: I know.
• 8:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: But here we are.
• 8:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's what made me love you even more.
• 8:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: I think I am always drawn to people that are so quick to giggle, so quick to laugh, because life is so heavy and we have all carried
• 8:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: take our laugh, our giggle, our life.
• 8:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: And for me, I think it's the very thing that's brought me back to life as being able to laugh again and and see joy and find joy in my own story.
• 8:41
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, well Tammy and I we publish with the same publisher and so we that's how we overlap and and you have a new book out called where you now God and I'm excited to talk about this because Literally I and I don't know the order that I'm releasing this show, but I last week as we're taping I released a solo episode on mesmerize.
• 9:04
  [SPEAKER_02]: I've just talking about her back in that that whole idea where he's like, God where are you?
• 9:08
  [SPEAKER_02]: Like do you even hear me?
• 9:10
  [SPEAKER_02]: How long are you gonna let this continue on?
• 9:12
  [SPEAKER_02]: And then as I'm reading your book, I'm like, you know what, the Lord's speaking word over this to us and I think we've all felt it.
• 9:19
  [SPEAKER_02]: That sense of like, I know you're sovereign.
• 9:23
  [SPEAKER_02]: I know you can do all things.
• 9:24
  [SPEAKER_02]: I know you're for me, I know you love me.
• 9:26
  [SPEAKER_02]: So how do I line that up with the fact that I feel like you're ghosting me?
• 9:30
  [SPEAKER_02]: Like nothing's happening.
• 9:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: Exactly.
• 9:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: Exactly, and I think so many of us have been there either.
• 9:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: You've prayed that prayer like you said You prayed that prayer so many times over and over and over again, but all you get is like stereo silence like so where is God?
• 9:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: Or you're looking at somebody else and going well I love that it's all coming together for them But here I'm setting in mind and nothing is coming together and so sometimes people like split I'm out because the promise doesn't work for me Or I don't believe a word God says and and I'm just I don't want to carry this anymore It's too painful.
• 9:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's too risky
• 10:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: to hang on to faith and believe when I'm not getting any kind of relief or answers at all.
• 10:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I think I've been there.
• 10:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: I think we all have no matter where we're at in our faith level.
• 10:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so I think for me, even beginning to write this book, it was kind of like, I've also been in that moment where I said, God, where are you in this?
• 10:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: The worst possible moment or thing that could even happen in my life.
• 10:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: How could you be in this?
• 10:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: How can I reconcile a good
• 10:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: in my life and that began my search to find God in some of the answers I was looking for and sometimes surprisingly the answer I wanted never came but something else came instead and I think that's the thing that has and has to sustain my life as a follower of Christ.
• 10:48
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, yeah, well, and so as we're talking out this, and I would love for you to share a little bit of your story, too.
• 10:55
  [SPEAKER_02]: But I also want to say to everyone, I felt this way like when I was talking about my book or even now when I speak, like, and talk up foster care, other things have been hard in my journey.
• 11:07
  [SPEAKER_02]: I feel like I'm like, don't tune this out because you haven't done foster care or you haven't had a loss like Tammy Trent.
• 11:12
  [SPEAKER_02]: This is for all the places, whether it's like,
• 11:16
  [SPEAKER_02]: a death or whether it's a death of a dream or a child that's a prodigal or a marriage that's harder than you thought or a financial crisis, this is, it's the same underlying principles this speak to all of it because God's the same, right?
• 11:28
  [SPEAKER_02]: And he's the same yesterday's same forever.
• 11:31
  [SPEAKER_02]: And so I just want to like caveat that and say like everyone like listen.
• 11:35
  [SPEAKER_02]: Listen to Tammy's story and what the truth that she's going to share with us, but also listen to how the Holy Spirit speaks into your story, because I think we all have these different, this different types of loss, we're like, man, Lord, this seemed ordained by you and now it is like tanking.
• 11:51
  [SPEAKER_02]: So, but will you tell everybody a little bit about your story?
• 11:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I want to first say I love that you set it up that way because even this new book is so much less about my story of loss.
• 12:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: There's one chapter on that because we've all gone through or if you haven't it's probably it's it's more of a matter of when not if but it's and everything you just said.
• 12:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: the disappointment, the unmet expectation, the dream that didn't happen, the way we're child like all, the moments where anybody has said, God, where are you in this?
• 12:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: I wrote the book for that person.
• 12:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: So my story, my moment of impact, where I asked that question in the deepest way, changed my life forever.
• 12:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: I met this kid in my youth group when I was 15 years old, that
• 12:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: fell in love with this amazing guy and felt like the luckiest girl on the youth group kind of thing and he just he was new to faith so his relationship with Jesus was fun it was exciting.
• 12:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: I had been a believer my whole life so I thought because I was raised in it that was the way I needed to go but all the sudden this young man coming to faith it was just like something
• 12:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: Sparked something in me too and so I started to learn different things about God and through his relationship with Jesus So we dated seven and a half years.
• 13:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: I went off to Bible college.
• 13:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: I came back and thought I don't want to live another day Without this guy in my life.
• 13:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: He's everything my best friend.
• 13:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: My soul might what a gift from God He had such a fun adventure spirit He was pure in his mind.
• 13:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: He protected our relationship the entire dating relationship protected that
• 13:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: we learned about purity.
• 13:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: So it was something he stood on so strongly.
• 13:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I was so grateful for it because I struggled with it.
• 13:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: I wanted to be loved.
• 13:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: I wanted someone to love me, but he kept saying, I believe God's got to plan for our lives.
• 13:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I want to protect that and protect you.
• 13:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so, oh my gosh, I fell even more love with this guy.
• 13:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: So we got married.
• 13:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: We're married for 11 years.
• 13:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: I signed a record deal in that time.
• 13:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: I took his first name as my last name
• 13:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: But on the platform, I became Tammy Trent.
• 13:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I asked him to leave his family business in Michigan and come on the road full time with me in ministry.
• 14:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: I said, babe, we can be together every day, 24 hours a day, doesn't that sound incredible?
• 14:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: He's like, wait a second, just you and me 24 hours a day.
• 14:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: Let me pray about that.
• 14:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: But he did, he prayed and he knew he knew that this was what God had called both of us to do.
• 14:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so we took off the ministry together and somehow we made it work.
• 14:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: And we had that move here to Nashville built our first home together after nine years of marriage.
• 14:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: We're in this home for for two years and we got a call to go on a mission trip to Jamaica during that time.
• 14:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: It was a season in my life, especially where I sort of wonder what's next.
• 14:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: I had two albums out three albums out at the time.
• 14:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: A couple of number one hits on Christian radio across the country.
• 14:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: So the dream was coming true.
• 14:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: All the things were happening.
• 14:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: But yet I wonder what's next.
• 14:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, after all this time, maybe it's starting a family.
• 14:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: Maybe there's something different God has.
• 14:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I carried that with me going to Jamaica, knowing and feeling that God was up to something.
• 15:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: I just didn't have any idea.
• 15:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: what it was.
• 15:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: So we took off had one week to vacation on one side of the island before we were to begin to travel on the other side.
• 15:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: And as we traveled to the other side of the island, Trent said, babe, what do you want to do?
• 15:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: We've got this one day off and I've made a list of things and in kind of want to know what you want to do.
• 15:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I looked at that list at the top of the list it said the Blue Lagoon.
• 15:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: I knew that Trent had research and studied on this beautiful legendary
• 15:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: And he found that in the middle of the lagoon was a hole that went down about 240 feet deep.
• 15:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: So Trent wanted to free dive in the blue lagoon that day.
• 15:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: He'd been a certified diver since he was 12 never did anything to take a risk.
• 15:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I knew that's what he wanted to do.
• 15:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: So we had lunch on the edge of the water.
• 15:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: He suited up.
• 15:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: He said I'm going to be gone for 15 minutes, just explore a little bit.
• 15:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: And when I get back, we'll go do something you want to do.
• 15:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I said, OK, I watched him get into the water.
• 16:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: halfway between the dock where we were eating in the hole in the lagoon.
• 16:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: He lifted up his head out of the water and he waved goodbye to me just like it done so many times before.
• 16:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: Only that time it was different because I had no idea that that would be the last time I would ever see Trent again.
• 16:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: He sunk beneath the surface and he was gone.
• 16:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: I remember being on the edge of the water 15 minutes went by 30 into 45 and I thought this isn't like
• 16:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: If he was going to go off and do something else, he would tell me because he didn't want me to be afraid.
• 16:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: So this is like him.
• 16:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: Something's different about this moment about today.
• 16:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so I got close to the edge of the water.
• 16:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I started to look out into the lagoon because I knew I'd have to see him.
• 16:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: Every few moments coming up and down for breath at least.
• 16:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I saw nothing.
• 16:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I remember fear began to grip every part of me at that moment, and I felt hopeless.
• 16:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: I knew something had shifted.
• 16:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: I knew it had changed.
• 17:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I didn't know what to do.
• 17:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I was in this place all by myself.
• 17:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I went to the back room of this restaurant.
• 17:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I, I, I called in a dive team that began to search for Trent.
• 17:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: And, and why they came and searched.
• 17:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: I sat there and I just, um, I had a moment, many moments with God.
• 17:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: My first was just lifting up my hands and
• 17:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: The only prayer that would come out of my mouth was just God help me, God help me.
• 17:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know what to do and then I started to sing all these praise songs that I could think of at that moment.
• 17:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: They were like a lifeline time, me to hope.
• 17:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: I knew I had enough sense to know.
• 17:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: That God was the only thing that could somehow rescue me from this moment.
• 17:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so I ran to him.
• 17:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: I ran and I didn't know what to say.
• 17:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't exactly know it to pray, but just God, help me.
• 17:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: I need you.
• 17:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: I need you.
• 17:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: And the feeling that probably many of us have had before in moments of crisis where you're just like, God, fix this.
• 17:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: Can you fix this?
• 17:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: Can you change this?
• 18:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: And sometimes the answer isn't yes.
• 18:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: The yes I wanted to hear sometimes it's just hang on.
• 18:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: I've got another way, I've got another plan and somehow you got to stick with me and trust me with all these pieces.
• 18:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: And although I couldn't, I couldn't fathom all of that.
• 18:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't comprehend all of that.
• 18:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: I just stayed in that moment of God fix this, fix this.
• 18:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I remember the dive team coming in and saying to Hammie, we can't find try and it's getting too dark.
• 18:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so we'll have to start again in the morning.
• 18:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I went up to this home of two strangers.
• 18:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: And the next morning, the doctor came into my room and he said, Tammy, come quickly.
• 18:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I walked into that room the morning of September 11, 2001 as the second plane plowed into the Twin Towers in New York City.
• 18:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: Here I was in a foreign country when feeling like America's falling apart, my own world is falling apart.
• 18:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: They don't know where Trent is.
• 18:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, all the things, and all, I remember thinking like, what is happening?
• 19:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like, every, yeah, I think we will always remember where we were, every one of us, and it just, you couldn't even put it together in your
• 19:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: Then I got the call that my family was grounded on planes all across the country so not one person at that moment could get to me and I thought again why like God how could you be in this how could this be good for my life and then the next call came in they found Trent in the lagoon in that hole about a hundred feet down he was still hanging on to his underwater scooter and he didn't make it something it struck him on the back of the head and
• 19:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: He wasn't able to survive that and I remember just falling to the ground thinking, I don't know how I will ever survive this in my life.
• 19:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I think Cynthia that became my journey.
• 19:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know as we we look for Trent for the day.
• 19:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: search for Trent, finally found him.
• 20:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: I think my journey started at that moment, my search for God began.
• 20:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: And that has been an unbelievable place for me to be.
• 20:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: But the days following how God began to show up for me, I write about that in my very first book, Learning to Breathe Again, my whole stories in that book, and how God miraculously began to show me
• 20:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: Show me himself and I felt the presence of got like all these things began to happen and I knew somehow it would take a while to put my life back together again, but I knew that somehow I would not just survive, but I would overcome it and it's been a journey for 25 years of truly finding healing and homeless through one of the deepest losses of my life and I think that's why through ministry.
• 20:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: through all this time, especially countless platforms like you know within women's ministry.
• 20:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: You will get emails, you will meet people, you will hear the stories, you will begin to carry even their burdens.
• 20:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I think this book came out of a place like that, like, how can I help somebody else that feels stuck?
• 20:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: that feels so broken-hearted, that feels the let down, the unmet expectation, the dream, all the things that just failed, and where is God in the middle of it all?
• 21:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: And some that just, they're okay with their faith, but they just need some more answers.
• 21:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: Tell me some story, give me something in the word of God that will help me hang on like, like, hey, God did, like Mary and Martha did, like the woman at the well, or the woman at the issue with blood, like, let's tell a story here where if Jesus was with them, would he not be with me?
• 21:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: And it wasn't easy for them.
• 21:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: They asked all the hard questions, they questioned everything, they wondered why.
• 21:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so if they were allowed, you are too, and that's the invitation of growing your relationship with Jesus.
• 21:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: Start there asking the hard questions.
• 21:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: Don't just settle for this is all it'll ever be.
• 21:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: There's a reason.
• 21:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: God has always at work, so find the reason.
• 21:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: Jump into the story, jump into your story, and find out what God says about being in the middle of it all with you.
• 21:51
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, and first of all, thank you for sharing that, and 25 years, Tammy.
• 21:57
  [SPEAKER_02]: Like, 25 years later, as we just went through 25 years of 9-11, I knew your story, but I didn't piece that together, but I just wonder, I'm going to cut to the end of what, and there's a whole book to read through and learn more, but I'm going to cut to the end and then I'll ask you some back-up questions, but I guess I would want to know this.
• 22:20
  [SPEAKER_02]: What is a sweet girl who grew up knowing the Lord, who met the guy of her dreams, they stayed pure, they did all the things, made some mistakes, but got it right by in large, that lives life in a way to honor the Lord, and uses her gifts and talents, like on a pretty big platform with number one songs and all that, that goes on a mission trip with her husband.
• 22:44
  [SPEAKER_02]: And there he has a freak accident and he dies on 9-11 and leaves sweet girl by herself without family that can get to her.
• 22:53
  [SPEAKER_02]: Like what is that girl now tell us 25 years later about God?
• 23:00
  [SPEAKER_02]: What does she say?
• 23:01
  [SPEAKER_02]: There's a lot there.
• 23:02
  [SPEAKER_02]: But what do you say?
• 23:03
  [SPEAKER_02]: What does that girl now say?
• 23:04
  [SPEAKER_02]: 25 years later about just a character gone?
• 23:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: there is a lot there.
• 23:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's so interesting when you tell it like that, I almost put myself in that girl's shoes, especially in the beginning of of dealing with all of it anger, you know, um, the promised and work for me.
• 23:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: I don't know, I think for me, I settled something long ago in my heart and in my life.
• 23:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: I think it was in my youth group.
• 23:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: I settled it like Jesus is enough through it all.
• 23:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like I'm not promised an easy life.
• 23:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: I just got that.
• 23:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: I hated it, but I got it.
• 23:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not promised these things.
• 23:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: Trent isn't even mine.
• 23:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: like like he belongs to Christ and so somehow I just settled all that stuff even though man I wrestle with it all I thought God out of it I was angry and why didn't still somehow I would keep coming back with the foundation of truth in my life that that
• 24:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: Jesus never promised me a life where I wouldn't have traveled but he said, but I've overcome the world and so I'm not going to leave you on that word trouble.
• 24:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so Tammy, if you would just trust me with all these pieces, I promise you that I will put your life back together again.
• 24:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so I've had to learn a whole lot during this like obedience.
• 24:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: I've not been very good at it.
• 24:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: So, and what happens with when we surrender, when we lay things down, in obedience, trusting God with these pieces of our lives for me, it is grown my faith, funny enough, it is grown my trust in God.
• 24:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: But it doesn't mean even 25 years later, I've got it all right, and I think I just keep knowing the foundation, and I have to keep coming back to him and the truth.
• 24:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: So even the presence of God, I've learned to that.
• 24:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: You know, there's a lot of things you got to go back to truth, even if you don't feel the presence of God.
• 25:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: What is the truth?
• 25:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: I go back to the word of God.
• 25:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: Scripture after Scripture telling me, Matthew 28, 20, surely, surely Tammy.
• 25:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm telling you right now.
• 25:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm with you to the end of the age.
• 25:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: Cynthia, Beverly, Daniel, whoever it is, I'm with you to the end of the age in the Hebrews.
• 25:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you.
• 25:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: This is going to be a hard life.
• 25:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: There's going to be a lot of things that just don't go the way you want.
• 25:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: this side of heaven, but if you'll stick with me, I'm going to reveal some things to you that was strength in you.
• 25:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I think that became my quest of like strengthening myself so that when the next storm comes, I will be better equipped to know how to handle it.
• 25:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: So for me, the presence of God, when we don't feel it, I go back to the truth.
• 25:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I think the presence of God is first to truth.
• 25:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: before it's an experience.
• 25:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: So if you're struggling to know the presence of God, go back to the truth because that truth will be your foundation.
• 25:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: Even if you don't feel it, you can rely on the truth.
• 26:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't think God's here.
• 26:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, he is.
• 26:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: He says he is.
• 26:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so you can bet your whole life.
• 26:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: on the truth of what God's word says for your life that he's in the middle of it, he'll carry you through.
• 26:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: So that's Cynthia's what I've had to cling to it, even if I didn't feel it in the season, even if I couldn't see the future, I just chose to cling to it and get back up on the platform because I think for me, the more I talked about it, the more I chose Christ, the more I chose healing, I started to step into it because I was speaking it.
• 26:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: I was walking it.
• 26:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: I was living it and
• 26:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: But I kept fighting for for my spiritual life and each time I would speak, whether it was at the grocery store to somebody that said, ah, you know, having a bad day.
• 26:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, oh, I get it.
• 26:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: I know.
• 26:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: And somehow the conversation would always turn to me being widowed.
• 26:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: And people would say, you're so young.
• 26:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: What happened?
• 26:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I would always just briefly tell them the story.
• 26:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: But I would always end with.
• 27:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: But God has been faithful.
• 27:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: But God has brought healing in my life.
• 27:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: And people would
• 27:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: Unbelievable.
• 27:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: People of faith or especially those that don't even have faith and I would say but God and I just thought I leave that conversation and go, there it is.
• 27:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: You drop the nugget.
• 27:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: You dropped it.
• 27:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: Now let God do what he wants to do.
• 27:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: The next person will come in and they'll pick up that piece.
• 27:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: But I have tried to learn to use my pain and give it great purpose and always point people back to Christ.
• 27:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: Not just my story, but the hope of heaven.
• 27:34
  [SPEAKER_02]: And so as you said something I thought was really worth noting early on and how the Lord in a lot of ways it seems like he prepared you for the hard walk like you are growing new church.
• 27:46
  [SPEAKER_02]: You knew his word, you knew that he's faithful and you had these really strong, I hate to even say like doctrinal concepts, but really they are, they were truths that you already knew and now you're all the way down the road.
• 28:01
  [SPEAKER_02]: 25 years later, and I bet in some ways it feels like it was yesterday, and you feel like you haven't made any ground, and then you've made a lot of ground, but I'm wondering how, how, besides preparing you in advance for what he knew your life was going to look like and giving you the strong doctrinal stances that you could claim to, how did he show up for you and how, like give us a few places, you saw his faithfulness since then.
• 28:28
  [SPEAKER_02]: Because I think we know that God is faithful, we know he's true, we know he's there.
• 28:32
  [SPEAKER_02]: But I think that in the midst of grief or disillusionment or expectations being unmet, we don't even see that he is still showing up.
• 28:42
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I'm just wondering, could you just point to a couple of tangible places where you're like, I know that that's where God showed up for me, I know that's where he was faithful.
• 28:49
  [SPEAKER_02]: He prepared me, he told me he was going to be, and this is how he did it.
• 28:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: Gosh, if I'm being honest, I see him every day, I see him showing up every day for me.
• 29:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I'm looking for it.
• 29:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm looking for the moment, I'm looking for the encounter.
• 29:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm looking for the assignment.
• 29:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because somehow it, it takes away some of the pain of the omit expectation and all the things that I feel like I missed out on.
• 29:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: I try to turn my focus on not so much what I don't have, but what I do have.
• 29:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: So every day, I'm telling you, it's so interesting to me that I could be,
• 29:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like I brought up the grocery store.
• 29:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm just, I'm just always looking for a moment to, to just step into a situation, never pushing myself.
• 29:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: But when I ever see it in open door, oh, I will always take the step in to have a quick conversation with somebody.
• 29:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: But for me personally, we're God showed up the first moment for me after my loss was two days later after Trent
• 30:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: had gone on to heaven.
• 30:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: I was at the hotel where we were originally planning on going and I remember being in the bathroom and I was sleeping in there the night before because I just couldn't sleep all so I remember grabbing those sheets and blankets and everything and I slept in the bathroom and I remember waking up and just having this moment of God do you see me?
• 30:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: Do you hear me?
• 30:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: Are you real as heaven real?
• 30:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: Do you see this girl?
• 30:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: Could you just send me somebody that would hold me?
• 30:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: I miss my mom.
• 30:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: I miss my sister.
• 30:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: I miss my my best friend.
• 30:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: Just especially in touch of my mom.
• 30:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: Would you just send me somebody that would just hold me right now?
• 30:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm not asking for 100 angels or 10 but just one angel that would just hold me right now.
• 30:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: I need that God.
• 30:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: Do you hear me?
• 30:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I remember Cynthia something coming over my spirit at that moment, like, just move, move.
• 30:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I thought, okay, just move.
• 30:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so I got out of the bathroom and I started making my way through the room and the adjoining door.
• 30:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: I saw the door was open and I looked in.
• 31:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I saw this Jamaican woman standing there in a health and housekeeping outfit.
• 31:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: in the hotel where I was at.
• 31:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I just said, ma'am, I said, could you just come in and make my bed?
• 31:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: I said, it's just, it's all I need.
• 31:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: Could you just come in and make my bed and she looked at me?
• 31:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: She said, I've been trying to get to you.
• 31:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: I could hear you crying.
• 31:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I've been trying to get to you.
• 31:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: She said, could I just come in and hold you?
• 31:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I thought at that moment, like, oh, my gosh, it was, it was an instant answer to my prayer in that moment and she walked in and she wrapped her arms around me.
• 31:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: She had no idea what had happened in my life.
• 31:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: I didn't know she was a believer.
• 31:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: She didn't know I was a believer, but she started to pray for me and I thought, oh my gosh, I cannot believe like this is Jesus right now just asking for something and he showed up right here and it was like this revelation of ask me.
• 31:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: Ask me and it might not look like you think it will and this whole journey of healing, but ask me ask the questions ask anything you need to ask me those are the things you can do to me you can ask me anything I will always listen to you and I will always be there for you.
• 32:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: don't ever doubt it.
• 32:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so I think that became my journey even at that moment of knowing that I was not alone, that I would overcome this somehow and that I could always run to him and ask him to be there for me, but there's been countless times where I have just fallen to the ground and couldn't.
• 32:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: breathe or move our talk and someone would just come walking up and just lay and make a complete stranger.
• 32:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: There's countless times and that's I think is also a reminder that I know that God is in this and I do and face nothing alone.
• 32:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: You know, it's interesting that we're talking about this, and I remember that part of the story, like every time I hear it, it gets me that you're making women, that the Lord just sent to love on you, but that event that you and I spoke at, and just a little side note, that night before, it just been a hard night at our house, and I had to fly to Nashville, not a book, and all these things,
• 33:04
  [SPEAKER_02]: you know you just when you do what you what we do on some level like you just feel like it impostered in a given time like why am I the one why I mean it feels at my homes falling apart in some mass and anyway that night I got there and I just prayed before I'm like I don't know I'm here I don't know why I'm speaking things are a mess at my house
• 33:23
  [SPEAKER_02]: Mind you, the name of my first book was Life is Messing.
• 33:25
  [SPEAKER_02]: Life is Messing.
• 33:26
  [SPEAKER_02]: God is good.
• 33:26
  [SPEAKER_02]: So, the mess probably was on brand for the book, but I was struggling in the moment and Lisa Harper came up to me and she, I know her from interviewing her, but not well.
• 33:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: And she put an arm on me and she said, can I pray for you real quick?
• 33:40
  [SPEAKER_02]: and she prayed the most beautiful prayer that I would never feel like I was an imposter.
• 33:45
  [SPEAKER_02]: Use the word, and that I would know I wasn't enough.
• 33:49
  [SPEAKER_02]: And it just was the most powerful moment.
• 33:52
  [SPEAKER_02]: I mean, there was nothing, I mean, I was not told or anything about me, maybe she was reading the room that we're all reading, why Cynthia, the third and third up here, but that was, Ashley, just, yes!
• 34:02
  [SPEAKER_02]: feeling the Holy Spirit in that moment, and I just say that to encourage all that when you're walking in these moments, you're like, I don't know, I feel alone.
• 34:12
  [SPEAKER_02]: The Lord, he shows up and sometimes it's through a person and sometimes it's through nature and sometimes most times it's through his word, but this isn't just a Tammy Trent thing or a Cynthia thing.
• 34:21
  [SPEAKER_02]: This is like, when you see him, you will find him.
• 34:25
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's just it.
• 34:26
  [SPEAKER_02]: Scripture is true in that.
• 34:27
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I want to encourage you, listen, or with whatever you're walking through, that this isn't just a well, it must be nice for Tammy, because you will find him if you see him.
• 34:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: I think the other thing from your story that I think I would love for you just to touch on.
• 34:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: To this day, you have not remarried if I'm correct it, or you hadn't last time I've talked to you.
• 34:48
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I would just wonder if you could just maybe
• 34:52
  [SPEAKER_02]: speak a little bit into that too.
• 34:54
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I would wonder, I would guess, I'm pretty sure because I'm a female too.
• 34:57
  [SPEAKER_02]: Like, there's some of that loss from that and maybe maybe I don't know, not having kids or maybe not having you just didn't look like it was supposed to look and med expectations again.
• 35:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: Just talk to us a little bit about that.
• 35:08
  [SPEAKER_02]: Like, the Lord, he redeems all things, but not always in the moment, not always in our lifetime.
• 35:13
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
• 35:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, so I'm I'm still single and most of that's been my choice.
• 35:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: I think early on there was plenty of broken in me after the loss of Trent and even with this new book, it is taken me back to.
• 35:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: early childhood trauma that many of us have lived out and some of us have carried and never spoken about it, which was my case for many many years.
• 35:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: So lots of different things came out during my loss that I was forced to face and I did date a little bit, which taught me that I was not stuck.
• 35:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: I could love again, but it
• 35:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: I just cannot settle, and there was a season of being in a wrong relationship for me that that could have probably even destroyed my life out of disobedience, of wanting to be loved, wanting all the things, and knowing that it was not God's best for me.
• 36:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: I talk about that in the book.
• 36:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: There are so many things that came out of this that showed me a lot of broken areas in my life.
• 36:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so for me early on, I felt like even walking through that relationship and
• 36:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: Some of these childhood things I was like, you know, I got to fix some of this stuff because if I don't, I will just keep bringing broken things into any new relationships.
• 36:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I have been on more of a quest of trying to heal a lot of areas of my life, the unmet expectations we talk about in the book.
• 36:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: dreams that, you know, didn't happen rejection.
• 36:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: There's no chapter on rejection of things that I've had to carry to and then also it's not just a book about me and all the things that I'm going through.
• 36:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's really how can I also help somebody else that also has walked through a lot of these things and felt these things and looking for answers.
• 37:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: So for me and marriage and dating, if God has that.
• 37:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: For me one day, my heart is always open to what God has, but I have been in such a place where I have, I have felt like there's been a lot of stuff I've needed to work on and I'm so grateful for the time God's given me, but also during that time, I've learned to just let him be my provider, let God be my source of everything.
• 37:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so if a guy were to walk into my life, you just have to add to it.
• 37:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: But I cannot look to you to be my joy, to be my provider, to be my everything.
• 37:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: You will add to that.
• 37:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: So there's good and bad maybe to that because I've learned to sort of, you know,
• 37:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: not the word survived, but I've learned to heal on my own, and I've learned an independent life that I can do this, and I'm okay being alone.
• 37:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: And yet there are some things I absolutely miss about marriage, but I think for me it all comes down to I can't settle.
• 37:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: I had the best of the best that top shelf relationship.
• 38:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so if it's not that, I just can't do it.
• 38:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I won't go to coffee with guys, even if I've got friends that are guys are like,
• 38:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: I know what they're wanting, you know, it's like, I'm not going to do it.
• 38:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't want to give someone else a false hope either, but unless I see that this is good and those around me say, hey, you should go to coffee, then then I'll do it.
• 38:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: But otherwise Cynthia, it might not ever, it might not ever happen.
• 38:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I've settled that in my soul, too.
• 38:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: If I never marry again, thank you, God.
• 38:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: for what you gave me.
• 38:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I think so many of us live in the, oh, the this should have happened.
• 38:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: This didn't happen, all the disappointments.
• 38:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: So we live in this place rather than living in this place of what could be now.
• 38:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: I've got to grieve this, I've got to lament, I've got to mourn this, I've got to settle this.
• 38:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: and then move on into the season that God has for me the abundant life.
• 38:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so for me, even this book is helping people face some of the things that they've been afraid to face or go back and think about some things, maybe dig into some stuff.
• 39:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: And then maybe find, I will always align it with a biblical story so that you can see that you're not alone.
• 39:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: You don't have to be isolated.
• 39:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: There is community.
• 39:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: This is what God wears says, lots of scriptures throughout.
• 39:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: And then after every chapter at the end of one, then I turn it on you.
• 39:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like, what if this, and maybe this, and have you thought about this?
• 39:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: write this down, maybe think about these, maybe journal this, like purposely pause and reflect and be intentional to help them find some answers to maybe the thing they've been carrying, their whole life that has kept them stuck and unhappy in a way from God and all that he has for them.
• 39:47
  [SPEAKER_02]: Well, it's so good.
• 39:48
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's called Where You Now God, discovering then shakeable truth that you're never alone.
• 39:53
  [SPEAKER_02]: And by the way, it's a beautiful cover.
• 39:56
  [SPEAKER_02]: And I notice these things, because we publish the same person and the same publisher.
• 39:59
  [SPEAKER_02]: And we know how much work gives it titles and covers.
• 40:02
  [SPEAKER_02]: And it is beautiful.
• 40:03
  [SPEAKER_02]: And if you don't know Tammy, then she is...
• 40:07
  [SPEAKER_02]: beautiful like drop dead beautiful too and you on the front of the cover it's all it's all too much it's all beautiful it's amazing tell everybody where they can find you and then when I end with one other question how did how do people catch up with you first of all I love you I love you so much here's the book here's the book where now God I mean I've poured my whole life into this just like you know when you do too and it's because you want to help people
• 40:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I want to help them find God in the middle of their story and to not give up, to hang on another day.
• 40:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: And it's exactly what I've had to do.
• 40:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so you and I when we write books, it's not just so we can be heard.
• 40:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: But if God is deposited, something into our lives that we think can help somebody, then praise God for that.
• 40:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: I hope you grab the book and I hope if you know someone that's struggling, I promise you there are some nuggets all throughout this book that will totally help somebody.
• 41:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: find God in the middle of their story, especially if it's a hard one, you can find me anywhere, TammyTrent.com is my website, you can find the book wherever you buy books, whether it's Amazon, Christian Bookstores, which I love supporting, they'll small Christian Bookstores, bars and nobore wherever, but you can find me at TammyTrent.com or on Instagram or Facebook and I love connecting with people so much, so definitely go check it out.
• 41:31
  [SPEAKER_02]: Okay, so we're going to link all that podcast notes.
• 41:33
  [SPEAKER_02]: All right, end us on this and nothing like someone saying, end on this and give us your last thought on this.
• 41:38
  [SPEAKER_02]: And you think it's going to be a tiny little question.
• 41:40
  [SPEAKER_02]: And it's a really big question.
• 41:41
  [SPEAKER_02]: So admittedly, you're going to give us just a little nuance of it.
• 41:46
  [SPEAKER_02]: And then everybody, we can read the rest of the book.
• 41:47
  [SPEAKER_02]: But sometimes it's hard to let go of the hard, right?
• 41:52
  [SPEAKER_02]: And you talk a lot about that and holding the sacred of
• 41:58
  [SPEAKER_02]: What you've been through, but also knowing that there's places where you're going to have to let some of it go.
• 42:03
  [SPEAKER_02]: Best thoughts on someone who's trying to hold that tension of this is impossibly hard, and I'm struggling, but at some point you do have to let, you have to let go of some things.
• 42:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I mean, you just do, I mean, you really just kind of answered it there too.
• 42:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: At some point, you just, you have to begin to let go.
• 42:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I think it's that surrender.
• 42:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's like taking all of, like, your grip off of something.
• 42:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: I've been hanging on too tight for too long, and it's not working.
• 42:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: Something is not working.
• 42:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: So somehow, trust got a little bit with letting go of that grip just a little bit more.
• 42:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: And then believing that he will do what he said he would.
• 42:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: He promised he wouldn't just leave you in the ashes of your life.
• 42:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: He's going to make it into something beautiful if you believe in if you trust him.
• 42:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so like I said before, keep looking for moments.
• 42:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: Keep looking to find God in your story.
• 42:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: Keep looking to find him in your heartache.
• 43:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: in the disappointment and the unmet expectation because he's not hiding.
• 43:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: He's already there.
• 43:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: Think about this.
• 43:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: He's already ahead of you.
• 43:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: So before you even get there, he's waiting for you there.
• 43:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: He's walking with you and he's waiting.
• 43:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: So he's already there.
• 43:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: He knows all the details of your life.
• 43:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: So in the letting go today, if we together can encourage you just a little bit more to let go of the
• 43:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: that God will see you through.
• 43:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: And those aren't just words.
• 43:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: Scripture aren't just words.
• 43:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: These aren't just words we're throwing out.
• 43:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: We've lived it.
• 43:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: I've lived it too.
• 43:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: I know it's true.
• 43:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: I know it works.
• 43:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: Scripture works.
• 43:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: You can build your life on these scriptures.
• 43:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: These promises from God.
• 43:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I guess today, if you're in one of those places where you just ready to give up, I would just say
• 43:54
  [SPEAKER_02]: Well, now you know why we all love Tammy Trent.
• 43:58
  [SPEAKER_02]: And now you know why I'm a big fat jerk for saying I hope you bomb before we spoke that.
• 44:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: No, we got a good laugh out of it.
• 44:05
  [SPEAKER_02]: All the levity hopefully.
• 44:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: But Tammy, thanks for what you do.
• 44:09
  [SPEAKER_02]: Everyone grab the book where you now God.
• 44:11
  [SPEAKER_02]: And yeah, you can find her all the usual spots.
• 44:14
  [SPEAKER_02]: And just thanks for, and I appreciate you being here.
• 44:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: I love you so much, truly, don't change, don't ever change for anybody or anything.
• 44:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: If God says, great, listen to His voice, but every other voice man, we take wisdom from that stuff we learn from it, but then we just walk into who we are and you are gifted my friend.
• 44:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: You have such a gift, your personality is so golden.
• 44:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: So, no, ever change for anybody and you are beyond and imposter, you are the real deal.
• 44:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: I love you.
• 44:43
  [SPEAKER_02]: Thanks, love you, friend.
• 44:47
  [SPEAKER_02]: Alright, friends.
• 44:48
  [SPEAKER_02]: Thank you for listening and would you take a minute and share this with a friend.
• 44:51
  [SPEAKER_02]: That would mean so much to me.
• 44:53
  [SPEAKER_02]: And so just for that episode over to your group chat, if your girlfriends are to a friend that you know that's struggling, that would mean a lot.
• 45:00
  [SPEAKER_02]: Let's continue growing this podcast, but also more importantly, let's continue giving people hope and truth.
• 45:05
  [SPEAKER_02]: And so, thanks for being a part of the mesmerized family.
• 45:08
  [SPEAKER_02]: You're the very best.