Latest / Curiously Guided Podcast / Ep.11 | Sick of Setting Goals? Plan for The New Year in a New Way...

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Ep.11 | Sick of Setting Goals? Plan for The New Year in a New Way... · Curiously Guided Podcast

0:06
SPEAKER_01: Welcome back to the Curiously Guided Podcast.
0:10
SPEAKER_01: We're your hosts, Mariah and Che, two intuitive business strategists exploring the intersection of entrepreneurship, spirituality, and the subconscious mind.
0:21
SPEAKER_00: If you're interested in exploring and learning how to integrate strategy with energetics to help you grow a profitable business in a way that feels good, then you're in the right place.
0:31
SPEAKER_00: In today's episode, we're chatting about all things goals.
0:36
SPEAKER_00: So I have been really looking forward to this conversation.
0:40
SPEAKER_00: I've had this kind of like working theory in my head around goals.
0:46
SPEAKER_00: I kind of hate them.
0:47
SPEAKER_00: You know, Mariah and I are both strategists.
0:49
SPEAKER_00: So a lot of our work is really centered around goals.
0:52
SPEAKER_00: And in this goal world, a lot of people are talking about smart goals and how do you make your goals smarter?
1:00
SPEAKER_00: And I um I was really into that.
1:02
SPEAKER_00: And I still do really think goals are valuable and have a role, but my thinking has really evolved around what that role is in our businesses.
1:11
SPEAKER_00: And I think a lot of us really place too much um value and worth and obsession almost around achieving a specific result.
1:21
SPEAKER_00: And it causes us to um really miss the point in a lot of ways, and oftentimes get into shame spirals when things don't look exactly how we expected and the exact timeline we expected.
1:33
SPEAKER_00: And I think the thing that smart goals at the end of the day don't really take into consideration is just life.
1:40
SPEAKER_00: You know, there's half of this is like us showing up, but the other half is like the universe or whatever forward moving force you believe in is gonna do its thing.
1:49
SPEAKER_00: And we got to adjust and respond.
1:52
SPEAKER_00: And we are not really in that much control of the end result.
1:56
SPEAKER_00: And when you focus, when you get solely focused on an end result, I think you're missing the important pieces, like I said.
2:03
SPEAKER_00: So, anyway, that's kind of the long and the short of it.
2:06
SPEAKER_00: Um, I would love to just start in by uh throwing Mariah this question because I know she has also been kind of struggling with the idea of goals.
2:16
SPEAKER_00: Um, can you tell us a little bit about like what your current thoughts are around goals and how has this been popping up in your business?
2:24
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so I just I just want to say that that beginning intro was definitely channeled via you because I feel like I had chills and I was just like, what you said that beautifully.
2:34
SPEAKER_01: Um, but yeah, me and you have been having this conversation about how much we hate goals in Voxer, like in between the episodes when we just chat for like months now.
2:45
SPEAKER_01: And so when I sit and think about the feeling that I feel around goals, it's resistance.
2:53
SPEAKER_01: It's resistance because to me they feel really restricting.
2:57
SPEAKER_01: And I think that this also kind of aligns with like how I've just been guided to run my business, which is creating a foundation that feels really stable and sustainable, but is also flexible.
3:13
SPEAKER_01: So it's hard for me to have goals and then also feel freedom and flexibility because the goals themselves feel very restricting and very narrow.
3:27
SPEAKER_01: And to be honest, like you said, the shame spiral is like, yeah, I used to feel a lot of shame for not having specific goals because I feel like in business that's what everybody's talking about.
3:39
SPEAKER_01: That's what we do in air quotes, like, but what I've come to realize is that yet again, I get to make and break the rules.
3:48
SPEAKER_01: And what works better for me is focusing on the intention, focusing on how I want to feel and creating space to do the shit that lights me up.
4:00
SPEAKER_01: Because if I'm working towards a goal and I hate what I'm doing, then the end result is not going to be fulfilling.
4:08
SPEAKER_01: It's not going to be everything that I've wanted it to be.
4:11
SPEAKER_01: Like I'm not going to get there in a way that feels enjoyable.
4:15
SPEAKER_01: And the whole reason that I have a business is because I want to feel fun and like freedom and aligned.
4:25
SPEAKER_01: And like that's the whole point.
4:27
SPEAKER_01: So if these goals feel restricting, then I'm giving myself permission to let them fall to the ground.
4:35
SPEAKER_01: I don't need them.
4:36
SPEAKER_01: But maybe I think there's there's some room, room for shifting perspectives.
4:44
SPEAKER_00: I love what you brought up there around like there's almost this balancing act of having a stable and sustainable business and having a business that feels free and fun.
4:56
SPEAKER_00: And um how I definitely have found myself like oscillating between the two.
5:03
SPEAKER_00: Like if I get a little bit too much on the free and fun spectrum, things can get a little out of control.
5:09
SPEAKER_00: If I get too much on the stable, sustainable, uh, sustainable is hard to grab.
5:14
SPEAKER_00: I think that's like what we're all shooting for, right?
5:16
SPEAKER_00: But if I focus too much on the like rigid piece of running business, it does feel restricting in that typical way to run a business and that more like logical uh, you know, you know what I'm saying.
5:31
SPEAKER_00: Go ahead.
5:31
SPEAKER_01: Yes, yeah, yeah.
5:32
SPEAKER_01: So it's funny that you say that about sustainable.
5:36
SPEAKER_01: Like to me, sustainable means the freedom to flow with whatever I need.
5:42
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
5:43
SPEAKER_01: Sustainable, yeah, it's more so like I'm feeling like I'm really craving goals or like really craving like some structure.
5:51
SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna lean into that.
5:53
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
5:53
SPEAKER_01: And then sustainable is also like I feel like I'm really needing to lean more into flexibility.
6:00
SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna do that.
6:01
SPEAKER_01: Like I feel like that's what sustainable is.
6:04
SPEAKER_01: And maybe sustainability in business, maybe it's a reframe needed around that.
6:11
SPEAKER_01: Because like I think the words that come through when I think about sustainable is like long-lasting.
6:17
SPEAKER_01: And it's like it seems really balanced all the time.
6:22
SPEAKER_01: Like that's the visual that I'm getting in my head.
6:24
SPEAKER_01: It's like sustainable equals balanced, and like, what's the word?
6:28
SPEAKER_01: Like easy kilter.
6:30
SPEAKER_01: Isn't that like I don't know the word that I'm trying to say, but basically it's just like that even playing field, that that smooth path.
6:38
SPEAKER_01: But I don't think that that's what sustainability is.
6:40
SPEAKER_01: I think it's the freedom and flexibility to choose what you want to lean into based on the season of life that you're in and like what you're actually craving.
6:50
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that freedom of pivoting, being flexible, going with how the season is, how you're feeling.
6:58
SPEAKER_00: That's absolutely my goal.
7:00
SPEAKER_00: And I have I think the two sides here are like you can build a super structured, rigid business, and that does feel safe and stable.
7:10
SPEAKER_00: But what Mariah and I really crave is a business that can kind of um move and jive with us in the different seasons of life and like really support us and look different.
7:22
SPEAKER_00: And um, that's not it, it sounds kind of logical, but really it's not taught very much.
7:27
SPEAKER_00: What you'll learn how if you get into this online business world, what you're gonna learn a lot of is the typical way to go about like, here's my proven model of a business, and you should do this checklist of things, and then you'll have it.
7:41
SPEAKER_00: And and the only way to achieve results is to set really specific goals.
7:47
SPEAKER_00: And so if you're not familiar with that acronym SMART S-M-A-R-T, it's specific, measurable, achievable.
7:59
SPEAKER_00: Um what's R?
8:03
SPEAKER_00: Like relatable, I think, or relevant.
8:05
SPEAKER_00: Relevant, it's relevant to your business.
8:08
SPEAKER_00: And this is where I was like, I have no idea.
8:10
SPEAKER_00: I think it's relevant and like relevant to your goals and what you're doing, your purpose.
8:14
SPEAKER_00: And then um T is time bound.
8:16
SPEAKER_00: So that's kind of like the corporate-y jargony way to set goals is to go.
8:21
SPEAKER_01: You literally had no idea what that was.
8:23
SPEAKER_01: You're like, what's the smart?
8:24
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, the fuck if I know.
8:27
SPEAKER_01: And then you start riffing them off, and I'm just like, good for you, girl.
8:30
SPEAKER_01: I didn't even know what net 30 was when I first started my business.
8:33
SPEAKER_01: I was like, what are you saying?
8:36
SPEAKER_00: The smart goal is definitely along the lines of a net 30 thing.
8:39
SPEAKER_00: It's pretty jargony.
8:40
SPEAKER_00: Um, it is the way that I have learned the only way to be successful is to set goals like this.
8:46
SPEAKER_00: And so what I have noticed is every time I try to set a goal like that, um it A, it feels too far off and too abstract.
8:58
SPEAKER_00: It's really hard for me to wrap my head around it.
9:00
SPEAKER_00: I don't find it very motivating, and then it feels kind of arbitrary.
9:05
SPEAKER_00: And then when I don't reach it, I'm really like, oh, I set a goal and it was specific.
9:11
SPEAKER_00: What's wrong with me?
9:12
SPEAKER_00: Why couldn't I achieve this result?
9:14
SPEAKER_00: And I go in this downward spiral about it.
9:17
SPEAKER_00: And so what I really think the secret behind where I kind of hinted at this, behind goals, it's okay to have some structure, let them have some structure and some form, and it definitely adds that piece to your business.
9:31
SPEAKER_00: But I would like everyone to kind of loosen up the grasp on smart goals a little bit, release control and allow them to be a bit more, instead of being this like result that you're aiming for and nothing else will do, let it be more like a guiding light.
9:49
SPEAKER_00: You know, for me, I think it's valuable to know your goals and where you're headed, because if you think about it almost as like a North Star or as like a compass, it can really be this like decision-making framework of like, all right, this is where I'm headed.
10:04
SPEAKER_00: I want to go in that direction.
10:06
SPEAKER_00: Um, but then how you get there, it's not up to you a lot of times.
10:11
SPEAKER_00: You know, we really don't know how you get there.
10:14
SPEAKER_00: I can know right now what's going on, but I have no idea how you're gonna get to that goal.
10:18
SPEAKER_00: So I think setting it, letting it be a guidepost for you.
10:22
SPEAKER_00: But then where the magic really happens is focusing on the everyday rituals, practices, routines that you know you need to do that will take you baby steps forward to that end goal.
10:37
SPEAKER_00: So for me, I know like I have this big lofty goal in the future.
10:41
SPEAKER_00: I have no idea how I'm gonna get there, but I have the goal.
10:44
SPEAKER_00: And then I've you know spent some time and we'll get into like, you know, Joe Dispenses style of sitting with your vision for your future life and really imagining it and visioning it in as much detail as possible and letting yourself feel those feelings of what it would feel like to be there and notice future you in this future life with your goal.
11:05
SPEAKER_00: What are you doing?
11:07
SPEAKER_00: How do you start your days?
11:08
SPEAKER_00: How do you end your days?
11:09
SPEAKER_00: What types of people are you working with?
11:11
SPEAKER_00: What are those rituals and routines and practices that really anchor your life and help you show up as your highest and best?
11:19
SPEAKER_00: And so for me, if I can get clear on like these habits are taking me away from where I want to go, and these habits I know are the ones that will take me to where I go, I'm gonna put the focus there.
11:30
SPEAKER_00: And it's like more of like this daily thing, and I can feel proud of myself.
11:35
SPEAKER_00: You know, half of this is just falling in love with process.
11:39
SPEAKER_00: Really, these like end results are such a momentary blip on the radar.
11:43
SPEAKER_00: Our whole lives are gonna be working towards something until we die, right?
11:48
SPEAKER_00: That's the end point.
11:49
SPEAKER_00: So, how can I fall in love with process?
11:52
SPEAKER_00: And so for me, reframing goals has really looked like I really resist routine.
11:57
SPEAKER_00: I'm like the the inner rebel in me is loud.
12:00
SPEAKER_00: So the idea of a morning routine for a while made me want to like, like I say, put a fork in my eye.
12:06
SPEAKER_00: Um, but when I started thinking about ritual and when I started thinking about practice and and then thinking about like who does future me show up as, that feels great.
12:17
SPEAKER_00: That feels exciting for me.
12:19
SPEAKER_00: And then I've noticed it's a lot easier for me to get up and do those things because I know why.
12:25
SPEAKER_00: And I know that like if I do that today, I can feel proud of myself because I took a baby step towards that desire future state.
12:33
SPEAKER_00: And that's all I gotta worry about.
12:34
SPEAKER_00: I don't gotta worry about step C and step D.
12:37
SPEAKER_00: All I gotta focus on today, did I show up?
12:40
SPEAKER_00: Did I do those things that I know will support me and getting me where I want to go?
12:44
SPEAKER_00: And then I can release the rest.
12:46
SPEAKER_00: And that has been truly where I've found the biggest like gains and results in my business, no doubt.
12:54
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, I love that.
12:56
SPEAKER_01: And like just using goals as like a goalpost and like not allowing them to restrict you because, like you said, ultimately the outcome really is out of our control.
13:07
SPEAKER_01: And like so many times when we set the intention or the goal to like reach this, reach this milestone, or like do this thing, or hit this income goal, or get this many clients, or whatever, it's like there's so many things that happen in between now and then that we have no idea what opportunities are gonna come.
13:30
SPEAKER_01: We can't see everything.
13:32
SPEAKER_01: And a thing that I always say is like human me doesn't know shit.
13:36
SPEAKER_01: I don't know anything.
13:38
SPEAKER_01: The only thing that I do know is literally what's right in front of me.
13:42
SPEAKER_01: And so, kind of what I like to focus on is my desires.
13:46
SPEAKER_01: So it's like, what am I craving more of right now in this moment?
13:51
SPEAKER_01: I'm a very moment-to-moment person.
13:53
SPEAKER_01: Like, even if you ask me, and Mariah, in five years, where do you see yourself?
13:58
SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
13:59
SPEAKER_01: I know that I want to feel good, and I know that what that means for me is that I want to continue to self-reflect and check in with myself because how I'm feeling changes.
14:12
SPEAKER_01: So I kind of move forward by continuously creating the space by meditating and just reflecting on how I'm feeling and what desires are coming up.
14:25
SPEAKER_01: So, like, what do I crave more of right now?
14:28
SPEAKER_01: What am I craving less of right now?
14:31
SPEAKER_01: Because that allows me to kind of make decision, make decisions and stay flexible and kind of be in my feminine instead of focusing and creating too much masculine because I've been there.
14:47
SPEAKER_01: I created a successful business all from setting goals and structure and all of that.
14:51
SPEAKER_01: And I'm not saying that that's the wrong thing.
14:53
SPEAKER_01: It was the wrong thing for me.
14:56
SPEAKER_01: It didn't feel right and it burned me out because I had this idea of what a business was supposed to look like, and that didn't feel great for me.
15:05
SPEAKER_01: So I wasn't self-reflecting.
15:06
SPEAKER_01: Instead, I was doing what everybody else said to do.
15:09
SPEAKER_01: And then I ended up shaming myself because I wasn't hitting these goals, but really the goals weren't even mine.
15:16
SPEAKER_01: Right.
15:17
SPEAKER_01: I was taking other people's goals and being like, oh, I guess, I guess I have to go to a hundred K years and I had to have to hit 10K months.
15:26
SPEAKER_01: But really, I'm just like, wait a minute, what does success mean to me?
15:31
SPEAKER_01: And then I look around and I'm like, I'm already living it.
15:35
SPEAKER_01: Like I work for myself.
15:37
SPEAKER_01: I have an apartment that I love.
15:40
SPEAKER_01: I have the finances to purchase this amazing car that I fucking manifested literally out of thin air.
15:47
SPEAKER_01: Like I'm already successful.
15:50
SPEAKER_01: I already have a flexible schedule.
15:52
SPEAKER_01: I'm able to meet my mom for lunch.
15:55
SPEAKER_01: I'm able to work for 10 hours if I want to.
16:00
SPEAKER_01: I'm able to do the things that I want to do because I take the time to self-reflect and focus on my desires.
16:08
SPEAKER_01: But I want to kind of bring something else in here is, and I don't know if you guys are familiar with human design yet, but we are gonna have a guest come on in the near future talking about human design and how we can use it in business.
16:23
SPEAKER_01: But me and Shay are pretty familiar with like the human design basics at least.
16:28
SPEAKER_01: And what was really helpful for me was learning my manifesting strategy.
16:35
SPEAKER_01: So basically, I always felt like I it's hard for me to visualize my future.
16:42
SPEAKER_01: It is even in like visualization meditations and things like that, like Jay, you you love those things.
16:47
SPEAKER_01: And those things work, but for me, long term, it feels out of reach.
16:55
SPEAKER_01: And so looking at my human design chart and realizing that I have, I don't know what it is, like an undefined manifesting something, or like I think it's with the arrows at the top of your chart pointing like right or left, whatever.
17:08
SPEAKER_01: I basically am created to like not see all of the details before it happens.
17:18
SPEAKER_01: Like me sitting there and manifesting and thinking and visualizing every single detail and holding on to that consistently doesn't feel good for me.
17:27
SPEAKER_01: Instead, what feels good is like I respond to the shit that shows up in my life.
17:32
SPEAKER_01: And that's how I get clearer.
17:34
SPEAKER_01: So I thought that that thing of like learning the different manifesting strategies was like a huge permission slip for me because I was shaming myself for not being able to like clearly visualize where I saw myself in detail in five years.
17:49
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you bring up a really great point, Mariah.
17:51
SPEAKER_00: I've heard quite a few people that don't quite have like my brain, I'm a super visual person.
17:58
SPEAKER_00: And so like I can see, and it's pretty easy for me to like see uh what my future life looks like and what my like all the little details and stuff.
18:06
SPEAKER_00: I get a lot of visions like that, but I've heard like a lot of people don't quite have that.
18:10
SPEAKER_00: And I agree, envisioning future is hard, especially when you're coming out of years like we've all been coming out of, where who the hell knows what the future is going to be like?
18:20
SPEAKER_00: But I think what you pointed out there is the important piece.
18:23
SPEAKER_00: Even if you can't see and you kind of struggle and you're not really having anything come to mind, don't start shaming yourself that you're not doing the activity, A, that you're not doing it right, you know, B, focus on what Mariah said.
18:35
SPEAKER_00: How do I want to feel?
18:36
SPEAKER_00: Because really the feeling here is the powerful piece.
18:39
SPEAKER_00: I know I've shared this before, but um, my goals for the past two years have literally just been, I want to feel in the morning excited to wake up and go work on my business.
18:50
SPEAKER_00: And a few years ago, I had identified like I was not feeling excited, quite the opposite.
18:56
SPEAKER_00: And so my goal was feeling based.
18:59
SPEAKER_00: And that was very motivational for me.
19:01
SPEAKER_00: That worked well for me.
19:02
SPEAKER_00: And I found that if you have trouble with like, I don't know what the future's like, start with how do you want to feel?
19:09
SPEAKER_00: And that really is the secret sauce to all of this.
19:13
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and it's funny, I'm just I'm having some light bulb moments as we're as we're talking about this.
19:20
SPEAKER_01: It's like I was putting so much pressure, I put so much pressure on myself when I'm doing a future visualization.
19:28
SPEAKER_01: And it's like, if I don't visualize exactly what I want, then I'm gonna fuck up everything along the way.
19:34
SPEAKER_01: And whatever this visualization is, it's apparently set in stone because of apparently that's what I'm doing is I'm setting it in stone.
19:41
SPEAKER_01: And I'm just I'm I keep hearing, I don't know if it's like spirit, if it's guides, but it's basically they just keep saying, like, allow it to be fun, just have fun with it.
19:51
SPEAKER_01: Because even if you get different visualizations every single time you do it, there's going to be little clues in each one.
20:00
SPEAKER_01: And that's all this is, is picking up the clues.
20:04
SPEAKER_00: Mine are different every single time.
20:06
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I'm in Tokyo, sometimes I have a house in the mountains, and like, I don't know, maybe, but what what the what I'm looking for is the trends, and I'm paying attention to the lifestyle that I'm living and and what's the job that allows me to have this life and and how am I showing up for myself and really taking care of myself and um comforting myself when times are hard and doing self-care practices that are nourishing, you know, that's the kind of what I am paying attention for in that, instead of like the, and these were the color of my sheets.
20:39
SPEAKER_00: Do you know what I'm saying?
20:40
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
20:41
SPEAKER_01: And I feel like for me, it's like this this little string of perfectionism that's coming through and kind of nipping me in the ass.
20:50
SPEAKER_01: And it's funny because like I've created my entire business and I call myself like an ex-perfectionist, but we all know that like we we ain't never healed.
20:59
SPEAKER_01: I ain't never gonna be an ex-perfectionist.
21:01
SPEAKER_01: I even got it on my website, and I'm just like, that's funny because I notice these little threads that that seem to be strung together of just like these tendencies of like how I want to get it perfect, even with visualization, even with setting intentions, even with, you know, these little things that we're doing once we break apart goals.
21:24
SPEAKER_01: It's like, yeah, it's just it's very interesting for me to like sit back and kind of witness what's happening in my brain.
21:31
SPEAKER_00: We've kind of done a whole episode on perfectionism.
21:34
SPEAKER_00: And I also have been calling myself a recovering perfectionist lately.
21:37
SPEAKER_00: And this week in particular, I've been noticing it pop up a lot.
21:40
SPEAKER_00: Even before we hopped on this episode, Mariah was kind of like, oh, it's not gonna be perfect.
21:45
SPEAKER_00: Um, and so I think there's a lot to dive into there.
21:49
SPEAKER_00: Another thing that clicked for me while you were talking was the similarities between you and I have talked about manifesting before and how I think the story around manifesting is.
22:00
SPEAKER_00: Like half of the story.
22:02
SPEAKER_00: It's almost the same as goals, where like if you get really specific about what you want, you're gonna have it.
22:08
SPEAKER_00: And Mariah and I have had a lots of boxer conversations around the trick with manifesting is set intention, but then release to the outcome.
22:17
SPEAKER_00: You don't know what it's gonna be.
22:18
SPEAKER_00: And it's the same with goals.
22:20
SPEAKER_00: It's funny because like I think about the smart goal setter is such a corporate person, and then like the manifester is such a woo person, but really the process is the same.
22:30
SPEAKER_00: We're trying to control outcome and we have no control over outcome.
22:34
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
22:35
SPEAKER_01: It's like the visualization of somebody white knuckling, just like grasping onto something so tough.
22:42
SPEAKER_01: And then it's like if you're doing that and you're refusing to let go of control, there is no space for these opportunities and like these miracles or even the shit that we can't see that's already aligned for us.
22:58
SPEAKER_01: There's no room for that to come into our hand because we can't see it, because we're so laser focused on like this exact result that we need to create.
23:11
SPEAKER_01: And also, like, where do these results come from?
23:14
SPEAKER_01: Like, there's a lot of just like, I need to do this to feel worthy, to be a quote unquote good or successful business owner.
23:22
SPEAKER_01: And really what we should be focusing on is gratitude and celebrating the little wins of like, oh shit, I realized that I was white knuckling that.
23:35
SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna celebrate the fact that I even realized that.
23:37
SPEAKER_01: Go me.
23:38
SPEAKER_00: May Mariah, you just like set me up.
23:40
SPEAKER_00: I'm about to spike.
23:43
SPEAKER_00: That's exactly what I that's the point I want to make is when you are too focused on end result, you miss the magic that happens along the way.
23:54
SPEAKER_00: And you really, when I'm working with clients and they're super bummed, they haven't reached a goal and we're really breaking it down.
24:00
SPEAKER_00: There's always something to celebrate.
24:03
SPEAKER_00: There's always little micro wins that are happening, you know, there's always opportunities to be proud of yourself, you know.
24:10
SPEAKER_00: And you there's all kinds of little wins.
24:13
SPEAKER_00: You know, you got a new client, you got a new inquiry, you redid your website, and someone reached out and told you have spoken to them directly.
24:20
SPEAKER_00: Those are all little steps that have to happen along the way to getting where you want.
24:24
SPEAKER_00: And when you're so lasered in on that, you miss that.
24:28
SPEAKER_00: It's very easy, or maybe you don't miss it, but you don't really let it sink in.
24:33
SPEAKER_00: This is me.
24:33
SPEAKER_00: I'm definitely like something good comes, and I'm like, and on to the next thing.
24:38
SPEAKER_00: Um, and so I like Mariah said, gratitude, take a time to sit still, look at what's going on, and really let yourself soak up what is right and good right now.
24:50
SPEAKER_00: For me, I had been shaming myself around where I expected my business to be now is not where it is.
24:58
SPEAKER_00: And I um I was just in this like kind of weird, like, what the hell am I doing?
25:03
SPEAKER_00: Blah, blah, blah.
25:04
SPEAKER_00: You'll get into existential crises and entrepreneurship, no doubt.
25:07
SPEAKER_00: And then I remembered, hey, I work for myself on a nice day.
25:13
SPEAKER_00: I can go outside, sit in the park, hang out with my friends.
25:17
SPEAKER_00: I'm literally in control of my schedule.
25:20
SPEAKER_00: I don't have to commute, I don't have to spend my days small talking with people that I really don't care about.
25:27
SPEAKER_00: It's like I don't have to do work that doesn't fire me up, you know.
25:31
SPEAKER_00: So I am like winning.
25:33
SPEAKER_00: I am literally, I have slow mornings.
25:35
SPEAKER_00: That was my dream.
25:36
SPEAKER_00: I hated alarms and rushing out the door.
25:38
SPEAKER_00: I am living my dream.
25:41
SPEAKER_00: How am I not like celebrating, you know?
25:44
SPEAKER_00: It's so in that and then knowing that I will get to where I'm trying to go.
25:49
SPEAKER_00: Like I can't miss what's coming for me.
25:50
SPEAKER_00: Mariah says that a lot, and I love that.
25:52
SPEAKER_00: Um, so I I have found myself, and like you're saying, a lot of times we're shaming ourselves, not even our own goals, they're other people's goals that we have put in on ourselves, and then we're shaming ourselves for not getting there.
26:07
SPEAKER_00: And so I just think that the power of all of this is on the day-to-day, can you find opportunities to, you know, practice gratitude, to really let yourself celebrate, to feel proud of yourself and the little micro baby steps that you took?
26:23
SPEAKER_00: Because through doing that, you're gonna start to build those self-trust muscles that we talk about on this podcast.
26:29
SPEAKER_00: And you're gonna really just be able to come at your business with a much better energy on a day-to-day basis that is not coming from this scarce, negative things aren't happening for me, place, and more of like, wow, look at what's right's going on, look at this micro progress I'm making, what other opportunities are out there?
26:50
SPEAKER_00: You know, it's just such a different mindset, and that makes all the difference.
26:54
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
26:55
SPEAKER_01: And that kind of brings me to another point here is like another way for us to sink deeper into gratitude and into celebration is to start rehumanizing the data, rehumanizing the numbers and your clients, put the human back into it.
27:17
SPEAKER_01: Me and Shay talk about how we love data.
27:19
SPEAKER_01: We love data points, Google Analytics could spend hours in there, Google Search Console, like the strategy, the data, the numbers, the trends, like believe me, I can geek out about it.
27:32
SPEAKER_01: But the key here is to realize that, like, even when you're looking at your numbers, when you're looking at your Instagram followers, when you're looking at your views, your your website visitors, every single number is a person.
27:47
SPEAKER_01: It is a person that chose to either find like find your website, to follow you on Instagram, to comment on your post.
27:58
SPEAKER_01: Like it might not be this this big end goal that you want of like getting 10 clients, but the fact that like you're connecting with each one of these quote unquote numbers, you're connecting with these humans, like, oh, you only had five people on your website last week.
28:16
SPEAKER_01: That's five humans that decided that they wanted to spend their time looking at your website.
28:24
SPEAKER_01: And when you say it like that, like, damn, that feels good.
28:29
SPEAKER_00: Yep.
28:29
SPEAKER_00: Oh, and that's so interesting.
28:31
SPEAKER_00: There's definitely two ways you could tell that story to yourself.
28:34
SPEAKER_00: And um, one way is very empowering because who cares if it's only five?
28:39
SPEAKER_00: If you convert one, great.
28:41
SPEAKER_00: That's the that's the result, right?
28:43
SPEAKER_00: Who cares?
28:44
SPEAKER_00: But I love that.
28:45
SPEAKER_00: You know, you can be shaming yourself only five, or you can be, I have five qualified leads, spend some time getting to know me, like how cool.
28:54
SPEAKER_00: That's something that really drives me.
28:55
SPEAKER_00: And I will encourage everyone, keep a folder of people that send you nice little notes, all your testimonials.
29:02
SPEAKER_00: I have been feeling when I feel like impostery stuff and overwhelm and burnt out, all the opposites of sustainability, I think.
29:10
SPEAKER_00: Umsually, if I can reconnect with like, hey, I've provided value, I've really helped one person, you know, and I really helped that person, I can provide value again.
29:22
SPEAKER_00: Like it's like I need that reminder constantly because the world is a negative place and it's easy to get down the shame spiral.
29:29
SPEAKER_00: So I think if you can, for me, it's enough.
29:32
SPEAKER_00: Like my mission in life is more women, more good women making good money, as Mariah's been helping me put together lately.
29:40
SPEAKER_00: And so if I can do that, and even if I'm just doing that in bits and little pieces one by one, I'm doing it.
29:47
SPEAKER_00: I'm doing what I'm here to do.
29:48
SPEAKER_00: You know, like what else is there to be upset about and worried about, you know, shame spiraling about.
29:55
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
29:56
SPEAKER_01: And so I kind of just wanted to give a few more action points of just like how we can start generating more gratitude and celebration in a way that feels authentic because it's like we've all heard keep a gratitude journal, sit down and write a full list of 400 million things that you're grateful for every day.
30:17
SPEAKER_01: And to be honest, I did that for a week and then I was like, I gotta go.
30:20
SPEAKER_01: Me too.
30:21
SPEAKER_01: Like, I understand that like there's value in this, but like I don't, I'm not in the mood every morning to write a gratitude list.
30:30
SPEAKER_01: So it's like, what can we do to allow us to celebrate a little bit more?
30:36
SPEAKER_01: And one of my favorite things is something that comes really naturally for me and you, which also makes me really grateful that like we've connected, is sharing your wins with somebody.
30:49
SPEAKER_01: Sharing your wins with somebody that gets it.
30:51
SPEAKER_01: Because when you share your wins with somebody, like if I were to share these online business wins with my boyfriend Andrew, God bless his soul, but he would be like, Cool, you're doing so great, and just like gas me up just like a little bit, you know, like as much as he can, but he doesn't understand the win.
31:09
SPEAKER_01: He doesn't understand the online business world like Shay does.
31:13
SPEAKER_01: So then my boxer Shay and I share the same win, and she'll just reflect back of like, whoa, dude, that's incredible.
31:21
SPEAKER_01: And like think about where you were six months ago.
31:24
SPEAKER_01: Like this wasn't even in reach for you.
31:26
SPEAKER_01: And it's just like having that person to celebrate with you is so impactful because then you're hearing it back from somebody else, and you're not just hearing it in your own head or reading it in your own notebook.
31:40
SPEAKER_01: You're allowing somebody else to witness your celebrations and your wins.
31:45
SPEAKER_01: And I feel like that's that's a win all on its own, is like allowing somebody to witness us in that moment of celebration because in society we usually connect from like shit talking.
32:00
SPEAKER_01: So it's like connecting by celebrating.
32:04
SPEAKER_01: That's a whole different level of connection.
32:08
SPEAKER_00: And a lot of us don't feel comfortable because we feel like we're bragging.
32:12
SPEAKER_00: You know, um, it's hard for us to really like receive compliments and praise and sit there because we are just so conditioned to kind of stay in the constant hustle.
32:24
SPEAKER_00: What's next?
32:25
SPEAKER_00: You know, like what's missing?
32:26
SPEAKER_00: You know, let's bitch.
32:27
SPEAKER_00: Like it's just it's a practice, honestly.
32:30
SPEAKER_00: It literally takes practice.
32:32
SPEAKER_00: It's a muscle you have to build.
32:34
SPEAKER_00: You have to get around people that are emotionally healthy enough to where they can really celebrate you and not take your wins as personal offenses against them.
32:44
SPEAKER_00: That's something I have to be really aware of when I'm sharing wins with people.
32:49
SPEAKER_00: You know, it's just find a good relationship, a strong person that you know that you can have that with, and that's really powerful.
32:56
SPEAKER_00: And I like what Mariah said there, and I think that's my final takeaway is it I'm asking you to figure out a way to fall in love with the process, because I do really think process and system is the key.
33:09
SPEAKER_00: And for me, as someone that I have a gratitude journal, I love it.
33:13
SPEAKER_00: Uh, I notice a difference, but I I can't show up for it every morning.
33:16
SPEAKER_00: I just don't, that doesn't work for me.
33:19
SPEAKER_00: So um the trick here is what could falling in love with the process look like for you?
33:26
SPEAKER_00: You know, it can I think that's where I have a lot of shame of I hear a lot of these great morning routines and do all this and that and the other, and then I shame myself because I'm not doing somebody else's morning routine.
33:37
SPEAKER_00: But really, what is it for you?
33:39
SPEAKER_00: For me, I have like a grab bag.
33:42
SPEAKER_00: I have a list of things I know make me feel really awesome.
33:45
SPEAKER_00: And I try to book in my day, like try to start the day with something and then the workday with something.
33:50
SPEAKER_00: And that can be a breath work, a meditation, a morning pages, or like a free write in my journal, um, a run or a walk outside, you know, like just create um a self-care list.
34:02
SPEAKER_00: I think about like bathing and gratitude and how can I really incorporate gratitude throughout my day.
34:08
SPEAKER_00: And I really am trying to be more mindful of stopping and just in these micro moments and really appreciating, whether that be while I'm like sniffing coffee in the morning or like taking a shower with a really nice body wash and like really letting myself enjoy it.
34:23
SPEAKER_00: But finding all of these micro moments to let yourself enjoy and like bathe in gratitude and celebrate that that will compound and build on itself.
34:34
SPEAKER_00: And from that place, you're feeling really great.
34:37
SPEAKER_00: And then that makes doing greater things a lot easier.
34:40
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, I love that.
34:42
SPEAKER_01: What did you say?
34:43
SPEAKER_01: You said celebrate the process, fall in love with the process, fall in love with the process.
34:49
SPEAKER_01: For me, I take that as like fall in love with the journey.
34:52
SPEAKER_01: I don't know why process, I'm just like, no, no, I agree.
34:56
SPEAKER_00: No, it's very net 30 as well.
35:00
SPEAKER_01: And it's it's interesting how how different these words feel to different people on different days in different moods.
35:09
SPEAKER_01: That's right.
35:09
SPEAKER_01: If you tell me about if we talk about an SEO process, I'm just like lit up like hell yeah.
35:14
SPEAKER_01: We talk about a goal setting process, and I'm like, I'm gonna fall in love with the journey because process in that context feels sticky to me.
35:24
SPEAKER_00: I'm so glad you brought that up because I wanted I have found language that I use to talk about this stuff, talk about making it work for me.
35:32
SPEAKER_00: The language I think about is important.
35:34
SPEAKER_00: So for me, morning routine, triggering of a process, system, all of it.
35:40
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, no, hate that shit, don't want to do it.
35:43
SPEAKER_00: But then I think about a ritual or a routine.
35:46
SPEAKER_00: Um, a coach just said devotion to me the other day, and I was like, ooh, yeah, a practice.
35:52
SPEAKER_00: I love like the yoga concept of like, this is a practice, you know, it's always we're getting better and better.
35:57
SPEAKER_00: There is no end point.
35:59
SPEAKER_00: That language really works for me.
36:01
SPEAKER_00: And the idea of my morning ritual is so much more nourishing than my routine.
36:08
SPEAKER_00: So that be aware of language and how you react to it and the stories you have around it and find language that works for you as well.
36:16
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
36:16
SPEAKER_01: And like we're giving so many examples here, but please just like allow yourself to sit with these ideas and notice which ones spark your curiosity.
36:27
SPEAKER_01: Notice which ones you're like, ooh, I feel like I'm craving a little bit more of that.
36:31
SPEAKER_01: And then it's not like you have to start doing it every single day.
36:34
SPEAKER_01: Like Shay said with like her grab at I have the same thing where I'm just like, ooh, I'm feeling like I need a little bit of extra loving today.
36:43
SPEAKER_01: So, like, what would feel really good for me?
36:45
SPEAKER_01: And I have like a list of 10 things that I keep on a post-it note that I look at and I'm just like, okay, I'm feeling like I'm being drawn to this one.
36:54
SPEAKER_01: And I really like the the micro moments.
36:57
SPEAKER_01: I like the phrasing around that.
37:00
SPEAKER_01: And for me, when I feel like I'm losing sight or I'm feeling overwhelmed, or I'm feeling even shame, or I'm just in like an overall shitty mood.
37:12
SPEAKER_01: And I'm just like, I would like to check in with myself.
37:16
SPEAKER_01: It's that's exactly what it is.
37:18
SPEAKER_01: Like I put one hand on my chest, even sometimes when I'm driving, and I'm I take a deep breath and I feel the breath going in and I feel myself in my body.
37:28
SPEAKER_01: And then I say to myself, tell me something good.
37:32
SPEAKER_01: Tell me something good.
37:34
SPEAKER_01: So I can look around and be like, wow, I have the freedom right now.
37:37
SPEAKER_01: I'm driving my car and I have the freedom to walk around Target at 11 a.m.
37:42
SPEAKER_01: That's something good.
37:43
SPEAKER_01: Even though I have 45 stories going on about how I hate these different experiences that I've had it for the past week, but it's like in that moment, tell me something good, and Target feels really good.
37:54
SPEAKER_01: So, like that's something that I do, check in with my body, and then I tell myself something good.
38:00
SPEAKER_01: Another thing, another thing that I want to mention is I was listening to the Almost 30 podcast, and they had Mel Robbins on there.
38:09
SPEAKER_01: And she just published a book called The High Five, the High Five Moment.
38:14
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, the High Five Habit.
38:15
SPEAKER_01: You got it.
38:16
SPEAKER_01: I haven't read the book, but I just listened to the podcast and I love the idea of it.
38:21
SPEAKER_01: We'll link it in the show notes if this is kind of like an ear perk up moment for you.
38:26
SPEAKER_01: But it's essentially like every morning, look at yourself in the mirror and just high five yourself.
38:31
SPEAKER_01: This doesn't have to take a long time and you're gonna feel really fucking weird about it.
38:36
SPEAKER_01: But also notice the fact that we feel weird about high fiving ourselves.
38:40
SPEAKER_01: It's very interesting to notice that we feel so much resistance about giving ourselves praise, about being like, yo, what's up?
38:48
SPEAKER_01: You woke up today, like high five to you.
38:50
SPEAKER_01: You got, I don't know, you got a brain that works and you got a hand that works, obviously, because we can raise it up to the mirror and give ourselves a high five.
38:59
SPEAKER_01: And so it's just like finding these little micro moments that you can just celebrate yourself instead of allowing this shame of not hitting a goal or of like, especially because it's the end of the year.
39:17
SPEAKER_01: It's like, you know, we're looking at all of our quote unquote goals that we set for this year, and about a lot of us are like, oh shit, we didn't hit them.
39:27
SPEAKER_01: And so that is what kind of made me not want to set goals anymore, is that I was consistently every year being like, I didn't hit this, so what the fuck is the point?
39:40
SPEAKER_00: I've been there.
39:41
SPEAKER_00: I'm glad you brought up the high five habit.
39:43
SPEAKER_00: I totally forgot about that.
39:44
SPEAKER_00: Um, I've also listened to that episode.
39:47
SPEAKER_00: Please go check it out.
39:48
SPEAKER_00: Um, Mel is kind of like us, where she gets into the science behind something that sounds a little bit more out there, and there is like something subconsciously about high-fiving yourself.
40:00
SPEAKER_00: Like even just making that action with our bodies makes our bodies like our brains are primed to feel like this is a moment of celebration.
40:08
SPEAKER_00: And then like looking yourself in the eye and doing it has an impact on the brain.
40:13
SPEAKER_00: And she really breaks all that down in the podcast episode, and I'm sure in her book, which honestly I forgot about and I'm adding to my list right now.
40:20
SPEAKER_00: But that's the kind of like subconscious stuff.
40:22
SPEAKER_00: And all of this that Mariah and I are talking about is what we're really trying to do is like get a level deeper in our brains and really rewire our beliefs.
40:30
SPEAKER_00: You know, you that's the thing about goals, is like you can accomplish a goal.
40:34
SPEAKER_00: You can lose 30 pounds by eating chicken and broccoli every night.
40:37
SPEAKER_00: But if you go back to your old habits, if you didn't really fundamentally change your beliefs and the things that the subconscious things that are driving you, you're gonna put the weight back on.
40:45
SPEAKER_00: And it's the same is true with business and any goal, right?
40:48
SPEAKER_00: We really got to change who we are and how we show up, and that's how we get long-lasting results.
40:53
SPEAKER_00: And I think that's a really great example of like a little daily practice you could do to get there.
40:59
SPEAKER_00: Um, I wow, this episode has been a dynamite.
41:04
SPEAKER_00: I think it's about time to wrap up.
41:05
SPEAKER_00: Is there any other like last-minute thoughts you want to kind of get out?
41:10
SPEAKER_01: I think just kind of reiterating the fact of like focus on how you feel and create space that opens the door for more creativity, more play, more miracles, more healing, like all of the stuff that feels a little bit more yummy.
41:31
SPEAKER_01: Because when you create the space to allow more of that in, more opportunities absolutely 100% show up.
41:43
SPEAKER_00: All right, I think we're gonna close this episode down.
41:46
SPEAKER_00: If you enjoyed this episode, feel free to share it with someone you think would love it or on social media.
41:51
SPEAKER_00: We have a couple plugs we want to make.
41:53
SPEAKER_00: Mariah is signaling me.
41:55
SPEAKER_00: So if you are really, if you're listening to this end of the year 2021, heading into 2022, um, Mariah and I have become kind of fascinated with this topic of goals and being intentional and how we can really reframe goals, honestly.
42:10
SPEAKER_00: So we have a couple uh things we'd like to share with you.
42:14
SPEAKER_00: One is I've put together a list.
42:17
SPEAKER_00: I think taking time to get still and check in, especially at the end of the year, going into a new year, is a really powerful practice.
42:25
SPEAKER_00: So I've put together a list of my favorite of all time journal prompts for kind of looking back and then looking ahead.
42:33
SPEAKER_00: Um, I'll include a link to that download for you in the show notes.
42:37
SPEAKER_00: Um, it's I made it for myself, honestly, but I I've been sharing it with some clients and they're liking it.
42:42
SPEAKER_00: And I think it might be helpful to get onto the world.
42:44
SPEAKER_00: So I'm gonna share that with everybody.
42:46
SPEAKER_00: And then we are also planning on hosting a live workshop later in January, really taking this idea and making it practical.
42:56
SPEAKER_00: So we have planned a really fun, interactive, um, kind of Mariah and I style, a little bit of more woo and out there kind of ideas paired with very logical, tactical, tangible things.
43:09
SPEAKER_00: And it's it's we're calling it a better way to plan your 2022.
43:13
SPEAKER_00: So it's all about forget about those goals, find what you want to focus on, you know, what is your guiding light in this life and let that kind of steer you.
43:22
SPEAKER_00: And we've really broken it down in a way where we can kind of future vision and plan out our next year in a way that's more sustainable and not so rigid and controlled.
43:32
SPEAKER_00: So if you'd like to join us with that, follow along on social media.
43:36
SPEAKER_00: Um, we haven't quite announced it yet, but you'll be the first to know um when those details kind of roll out at the beginning of the new year.
43:44
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
43:45
SPEAKER_01: And it's it's just all about kind of like this entire episode.
43:49
SPEAKER_01: So, like if you really jived with this episode and like our perspective shifts and just the conversation that ended up flowing out, then definitely download.
44:00
SPEAKER_01: Those journal prompts or follow along with us on social media because that's where we're going to be dropping the details first.
44:05
SPEAKER_01: And it's all about dropping the goals and getting intentional, which is kind of how we like to make goals or goal setting more empowering, taking our power back, focusing on ourselves, how we want to feel, focusing on our desires and our lifestyle.
44:26
SPEAKER_01: And so, yeah, I'm really excited to uh to run this live workshop with you guys.
44:32
SPEAKER_01: So make sure that you sign up for those.
44:35
SPEAKER_01: But if you enjoyed this conversation, you enjoyed this episode, please feel free to share it with a friend.
44:44
SPEAKER_01: You know, the podcast is still kind of newish.
44:47
SPEAKER_01: So, like you sharing it with somebody that you think would like it literally means the world to us.
44:52
SPEAKER_01: So go ahead and share it with them or go ahead and share it on social media and tag us because that would just mean everything to us.
45:01
SPEAKER_01: But until next time, remember that you have the power to create whatever the fuck you want.
45:06
SPEAKER_01: Follow the nudge, ask the questions, and let curiosity guide the way.
45:12
SPEAKER_01: We'll see you in the next episode.