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70. A Mom’s Sacred Calling in a Get-Things-Done World · A Heart That Beats for Home

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: Hey friends, I'm Nikki Smith, your host here at A Heart That Beats for Home, the podcast where we're ditching filters and diving headfirst into the raw beauty of all things home.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I am no expert when it comes to this whole parenting and marriage dance.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: I'm simply a gal who's been riding the mom roller coaster for 22 years and a wife still untangling the mystery of it all 25 years after saying I do.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: My goal is to bring you unapologetically messy and boldly genuine conversations about cultivating strong families.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna laugh, possibly cry, and straight talk about the joy and chaos that comes within the four walls that we call home.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: No judgment and certainly no perfection.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: Just real talk from my heart, a heart that beats for home.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: Let's dive in.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back, friends.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for being here for yet another week at the podcast.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: Today we're gonna go off of the scheduled programming.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: I have done this two or three times throughout the last two years when I have just felt an overwhelming sense of wanting to come and chat about just some things that I am processing through in my own life, specifically when it comes to parenting and marriage.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: I think that when we are real and transparent and can just be authentic with one another and talk through maybe some of the things that God is teaching us or the things that we're learning, the things that our own sin nature is pushing against and making life more difficult than it needs to be because of our own humanness and stubbornness.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: I think when we can talk about these things, it's super important.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: And ironically, I'm reading a book for business.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: I've been reading it in conjunction with a whole group in business and with just other team members and people that I consider friends that are super passionate about not just growing our businesses, but growing our businesses in a way that honors God.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: The book is called She Works His Ways.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: And although it's a book about business, it has been crazy how specifically the last couple of chapters, so much of what it's talking about on how we need to work in our businesses to please the Lord has been impacting me on my role specifically as a wife and a mom here in the home.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: And so I just thought today we're gonna take a little detour out of what we had scheduled.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: There's lots more amazing podcasts and guests coming up in the weeks to come.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: Another one that I'm super, super excited about that just got booked, that has been on my top list of guests to have on, just because I have been so inspired and encouraged by his teachings and his writings.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: And so to have him on our podcast, I'm gonna keep it secret until it's the final date is actually booked.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: We have a tentative date on the schedule, but super, super excited just about some of the doors that God is opening up for us to have just the most amazing, wise guests come on this podcast and just be able for us to sit at their feet and to learn from them has been a pure joy for me.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: I guess that's one thing I didn't anticipate I would get out of the podcast when I started this two years ago to sit and think about the hundreds of hours that I have been able to sit with people and learn from them has been so, so rich.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I am so grateful just for the learning that I have been able to do as I am interviewing all of these different amazing humans.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: And so just super excited about more that are coming in the doors that God continues to open up.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: But today we're gonna talk just a little bit about a mom's calling.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: And this doesn't mean that dads can't listen because I think so much of this applies to moms and dads in the house, moms and dads that are both leading their families and trying to do it in a way that honors the Lord, and that is within the biblical principles, but also doing it when exhausted.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: John O'Leary a couple of weeks ago was on the podcast.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember him saying to me, I had asked him a question and he said, Nikki, if I'm being totally transparent with you, I desperately want to grow in my faith, and I am so busy.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: And just that statement struck me so hard.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: Just the authenticity in that, just him being so real and vulnerable and saying, there's these things that I want so badly.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: And yet there's this other thing that is schedule and life that is making it really, really hard.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I have just thought that so many times over the last couple of weeks since having that conversation with John.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: It's things like if I'm being honest, my desire is to be a joyful mom.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yet I'm working out of exhaustion and sometimes that just doesn't happen.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: Or my desire is to be a super supportive spouse and to have an attitude of just gratitude and gratefulness for the way that my husband provides for us.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: But I often get caught in my own sin patterns and cycles where I don't recognize that.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: I just feel like there's so many things where I could put that same structure together that John so eloquently stated.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: It's like the desire is this, but the obstacle that I'm coming against is this.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: And that's not an excuse.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: None of those are excuses not to continue to move towards the things that we know we need to be doing.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: But I think it's a real raw and honest and super vulnerable conversation that we don't have a lot of times with one another because there's this image of the Instagram mom that has it all together.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: And anytime that we have to step out and say, man, that is not what my life looks like right now, or it might be what it looks like on the outside, but honestly, it's falling apart on the inside.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: And so just in reading some of this stuff, I've just been so encouraged by it.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna take some stuff out of the book and then I have some Bible verses, and then just really talking from my heart about the posture of a mom's heart, coming at it from kingdom perspective, when we do that, how living for God's glory is also living for our family's good.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: And then the ripple effect that that has in the way that we support our husbands.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I think these are all just really good things to just have these constant refreshers on as we move through this stage of parenting and marriage.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, I've been a mom for 23 years, and motherhood, if we're just cutting it straight, is a lot of repetitive, unseen services over and over and over again.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: And there are days that I do it with so much joy, and there are days that I do it with so much grumbling and complaining, whether that's an inside job and it's quietly done in the just the cavity of my heart, or if it's done through my actual verbal things that I'm saying and doing, or the way that I'm using a little extra energy to load the dishwasher or to close the doors or to stomp around to let people know that I'm trying to be seen when everything feels so unseen.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: I remember saying to my husband when I was super frustrated once about just the never-ending tasks of running a home and being a mom.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: And he had just come in, it was on a Saturday, he had just come in from spending a good amount of time outside on the yard.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: And the yard looked beautiful.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: It had been so nicely mowed, and he weed whacked and edged, and everything looked so nice.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: And in that same time, I was inside the house.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: I was cleaning, I was meal prepping, I was folding laundry, doing all these things.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I looked around and the house looked really, really nice.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: About an hour later, I came into the kitchen.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I don't know what all had transpired, but I came into the kitchen and immediately got bitter and angry and had a chip on my shoulder because the beautiful kitchen that I had just spent all morning working on now had crumbs on the counter and had some dishes in the sink and it didn't look pristine.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember my husband had said to me, Why are you why are you being grouchy?
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what's wrong?
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: Something's clearly wrong.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I said to him, Imagine if right now you looked out the window and the grass had grown back and all of the weeds that you weed whacked on the sidewalks were back, and it didn't look like you had done anything.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: I said, I like through tears.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like that is the entire existence of being a mom is doing these things that are necessary and important, and then immediately turning around and having to do it again.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: Whether it's a small child and it's the diapers, it's the toddler and the toy bins, it's the grade schooler and it's the little craft, you know, the cut up pieces or paper and the little hole punches and just the things that are getting undone, the several outfit changes in a day.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: Then it gets to high schoolers and it's like your entire kitchen cabinets live up in their bedroom and you can't find water bottles or their book bags are strewn across the house or they're eating 10 times a day.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: And it's just this nonstop process as we're shepherding the hearts of these little people, just to constantly be doing the mundane over and over and over.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: And it is super easy to feel invisible, and it is super easy to feel unappreciated.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I think those are those are important conversations we need to have with our family.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: I have these conversations with my family on the regular.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: It's important for wives to be able to vocalize to their husbands how they sometimes feel and that, hey, just like this is one of the most underappreciated, as far as verbal praise, jobs that are in the marketplace.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: I think of anybody that goes to a job, my husband, he works so hard for our family.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: And even if he feels like he's going through the motions and it's the same things every day and he's constantly putting out fires and he's exhausted, at least at the end of the two weeks, there's a paycheck, right?
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: So you know you're working for something.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes in motherhood, although we know that we know that we know the ultimate goal is that we're raising these children to become good, upstanding humans and contributors to society.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: And we have goals of them understanding and following Jesus and walking with integrity and being people of wisdom.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, all these things that we know in our heart we're working towards.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: It's a lot of times we're not getting any of that back for months, if not years at a time.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: We're just constantly pouring in, pouring in, pouring in.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: And so 100%, these are conversations that we have to have with our spouses, with our kids as they get older.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: Like, hey, sometimes it can feel this way.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: And although I love this job and I wouldn't want to be anywhere else, here's how it makes me feel when you don't care for the home, or here's how it makes me feel when you talk that way to me, or here's how it feels when I go for months and months of cooking and cleaning and doing these things over and over and nobody acknowledging or saying thank you or jumping in to help.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: So absolutely, I think we need to have those conversations.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: But ultimately, we are responsible as the moms to control the outpour of our heart, right?
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_00: Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: And so what is in our heart is ultimately what's going to pour out.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: And motherhood is absolutely a sacred calling, but it's a sacred calling that comes with daily acts of service and doing it in love.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: And it is so easy to forget that it's a sacred calling.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: And it is so easy to have those daily acts of service and do them because we know we have to.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody has to pack the lunch, somebody has to do the book bag, somebody has to drive the kids to school.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: And it's very easy to have those daily acts of service not be done with love because we get into this rut.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: And so just a couple of things that I want to point out there, just about posturing of our hearts, two things that I want to call us to just kind of think on.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: And again, you know, this is something that I'm for 23 years, 25, 26 years of being married and 23 years of being a parent, is that there's other lives that I'm interacting with so closely on a daily basis.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: Obviously, I'm not responsible for my husband, but I hold a responsibility for how I show up in my home, how I support him in his role, in the role of his wife.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: I do have a responsibility for my children, but I also have a responsibility for how I show up when my feet hit the floor, how I show up when I interact with them.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: And two verses specifically that came to mind.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_00: First was Colossians 3, 23 through 24.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: And this is actually printed on the big, huge family calendar that's in our dining room area.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: It says, Whatever you do, work at it with all of your heart as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: It is the Lord you are serving.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's so funny because I love how it says, not for human masters.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I know very often as moms, it feels like you got all these little human masters or maybe little human monsters that are dictating what you need to be doing.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: And it says, but you are working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know you will receive an inheritance for the Lord as a reward.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I think so often our sin nature, my sin nature, my desire to be seen and to be noticed and to be recognized isn't willing to wait for the inheritance from the Lord as the reward.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: It wants to be praised, it wants to be recognized, it wants to be put on a pedestal today by my husband and by my children, for them to say, Mom, you're the best mom in the world.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for feeding us.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: Or for my husband to say, there is not another wife I would ever want to call my own, right?
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: All these things that we want, and then when we don't maybe get them when we feel like we're depleted and we're running on fumes, it can be super frustrating.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_00: And so just that reminder again in Colossians 3, 23, 24, to remember that we are not working for human masters, we are working for the Lord and that our inheritance will be from Him and that will be the ultimate reward.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_00: And let's not short sell ourselves into forgetting that when we show up in our home, when we show up with a posture of love and service and knowing that our job is a sacred calling and we show up that way, the humans that are going to be developed and shaped in our home are going to look very different than little humans that are shaped where love is not the default, where service is not the mode, where it is not looked at as a sacred calling.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_00: And so, although the ultimate reward will be our inheritance that we get from the Lord, there is unbelievable reward that we get as our children get older and they are good, upstanding humans who love Jesus, who serve others, who are capable of taking care of themselves.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_00: And so there are some definite earthly rewards as well.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_00: And then the other one is Galatians 6, 9.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm actually going to back it up to a little bit before that.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_00: It says, A man reaps what he sows.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_00: The one who sows to please his sinful nature from that nature will reap destruction.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_00: The one who sows to please the spirit from the spirit will reap eternal life.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time you will reap a harvest if we do not give up.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: Therefore, we have an opportunity.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_00: Let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, so often we hear the verse, let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_00: And today, when I was reading this and I went up to a couple of verses ahead, I think it's so important where it says, the one who sows to please his sinful nature from that nature will reap destruction.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_00: And when I am being honest and I look in my home and I say, Man, we had a really hard day today, or we had a really hard evening, or we had a really hard morning, 99.9% of the time, I can track that down to I was probably parenting, I was probably instructing out of sinful nature.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_00: I was getting exactly what I was, I was reaping what I was sowing.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_00: I was sowing bitterness and I was getting back bitterness for my kids.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_00: I was sowing short-temperedness and lack of self-control.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what I was getting back.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_00: I was sowing anger or cutting words, and that's what I was getting back.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_00: And so just this reminder that let us not become weary and doing good, for at a proper time we will reap a harvest.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_00: But we have to be admitting that we are going to reap what we sow.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: And so, just a really good reminder for me as a parent in the footnotes of my Bible for that specific verse, it says, it would certainly be a surprise if you planted corn and pumpkins came up.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_00: It's nature's law to reap what you sow.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_00: And so, in our parenting, if we are so frustrated with what's happening in our home or we don't like some of the habits that we're seeing last night, perfect example.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: Again, guys, we're just laying it all out here and being honest.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_00: I threw a little bit of a temper tantrum, a silent temper tantrum when I got up and I left a room, but I did it with letting people know I was not happy because people were on devices.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I had seen this opportunity sitting on the back patio as a place that we could all just be having great conversation.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_00: And when I sat there for five or six minutes and everybody was kind of heading their phone, I grabbed my stuff and I got up and I walked in because in that moment I wasn't on my phone and I wanted conversation.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_00: But even in trying to prove a point, I knew in my spirit, Nikki, like right this moment you weren't on your phone, but you are the offender way more than probably anybody else in the household of that crime.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_00: You are the one that is scrolling Instagram why a kid's trying to talk to you, or you're the one that says over and over, I don't want to bring my device in the bedroom.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_00: And you find yourself scrolling aimlessly at 10 o'clock at night, or you're the one who in the car, when we could be having conversation, is quick to pick up to return text or to check this or send that email.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_00: So again, whatever we're sowing is what we're going to reap.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_00: Just a reminder that instead of being bitter about something that we're seeing, checking our own motives and saying, Am I doing good at this?
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_00: Where I'm asking my kids to show discipline in their habits, am I exercising discipline in those same habits?
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_00: Or am I just this tyrant that's running around and I'm not doing anything out of being joyful about the acts of service that I get to do for my family in the sacred of motherhood?
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_00: Just that posture of a mom's heart that I think we need to really just be aware of.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_00: The second thing is the kingdom perspective.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_00: And in this book, the book is called She Works His Ways: A Practical Guide for Doing What Matters Most in a Get Things Done world.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_00: And the chapter that we were on this week that so spoke to me was You Over Me.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_00: And culture says, look out for yourself first, but God says, consider others more important than yourself.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_00: And in this, it was specifically talking about doing it in the workplace.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: But so many of the things that I was highlighting, I wasn't highlighting because of work, I was highlighting because of how I think it applies to me as a parent.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_00: This spoke more boldly to me about my own life.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm just going to read a couple of the things that I highlighted.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_00: One says, when you look back someday on the scope of your work, wouldn't you prefer to see it as faces rather than tasks?
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_00: That hit hard when I was thinking about home.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_00: Let's remember, friend, it is the world that tries to convince us to finish ahead of others.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_00: God only requires that we finish well.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_00: A couple more here.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_00: If the purpose of our work is to work for the glory of God and the good of others, we can't let the goal, yes, even when it's a good and godly thing, cause us to go at such a pace that we miss doing what's best for the people God puts around us.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_00: And then lastly, every genuine kingdom effort is about souls far more than it is about tasks.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_00: And I know for me, in the day-to-day, my life can become very task oriented.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_00: It can be very, let's go, let's go, let's go, you know, clapping the hands to make people moving on a schedule.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_00: And that other one that said, do you want it to be about tasks or about faces?
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_00: When I think about that with the image of my kids' faces as opposed to tasks, which one is more important?
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_00: Is it being kind and building relationships and having memorable moments with the people that I'm trying to parent and to wife?
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_00: If that's a word, is wife a verb?
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_00: I'm wifing.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_00: Is it more important to be able to say we got all the things done?
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_00: The laundry's done, the house is spotless, the meal's in the oven, but kids are crying, nobody feels loved, everybody feels like they're walking on eggshell.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely, the answer is no.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_00: It is so much more important to be dealing with the faces that are fueling the tasks.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely, that's why I have these tasks, but so much more important to be investing into the lives of the people in my house and not letting the tasks become such a motivator and such a measure of my own worth.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_00: It can be very easy for me to feel like the way that my house looks is my report card.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_00: And when we really stop and think about it, false.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_00: Obviously, hygiene is important.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_00: Our houses need to be safe and sanitary.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_00: But if the pile on my kitchen counter is gonna knock me off of a grade, no, absolutely not.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_00: But what is is if my kids are in their room crying and they feel like they can't come to me and they feel like they live in just this military get things done, the soul doesn't matter, or if we don't have time to slow down and say, hey, I can sense that something's going on in your heart.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_00: What is it?
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_00: Let's talk about it.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_00: The dishes can wait, my phone can get put away.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_00: I can look at you eye to eye.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_00: Just having this kingdom perspective that it's about people and not productivity, and that folding the laundry and packing the lunches, those are serving a person behind it, but we can't forget about the person.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_00: And a couple verses for that one.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_00: Psalms 127, 3.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_00: Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring, a reward from Him.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_00: So often we can get so lost in the mundane that we forget what an unbelievable blessing it is that we are raising these precious humans.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_00: And I know I've said it before, and I know that we have listeners that that tune in every week that are some that don't even have children, some that have very young children, some that have high school children, some that have children older than mine that are married and have grandkids.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_00: And any one of us that has older kids will tell you it goes so fast.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_00: We all know the saying the days are long, but the years are short.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_00: And sure, there's things I wish I could go back and redo.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_00: Ultimately, God refines us and he gives us grace to get to the point that we are.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_00: But I think it's listening to these things when he's prodding on our heart.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_00: Like, don't get lost in this crazy cycle of just getting things done and getting people where they need to go and not being a task master, but just slowing down and reevaluating this.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_00: Again, I'm gonna keep saying it over and over because it when we say motherhood, I don't know that we always think of sacred calling.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_00: This is a calling.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_00: It is not a job, it's not a list of to-dos.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_00: It is a sacred calling.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_00: The most highly esteemed role on earth that I can think of is raising children.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_00: And so just I think such an important thing to go back to.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_00: And then again, Matthew 25, 40 says, the king will reply, truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_00: And again, just a reminder that we aren't just serving our children, we're not just serving our husbands when we're doing these things.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_00: We are literally doing it as unto the Lord.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_00: And then how does that translate then into if we're living in this way, if we're living with a recognition of this being a sacred calling and that it requires daily acts of service and love and dying to ourselves over and over and checking our own hearts so that we're doing it in a way that's bringing honor to God?
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_00: How does doing it that way then impact our family for good?
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_00: And I go back to that quote that I read in the book that says the purpose of our work is to work for the glory of God and the good of others.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_00: And when we're doing it that way, the overflow of that is I don't like the word happy home because happy is situational, but a joyful home.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's a place where people want to come home too.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_00: They they feel safe.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_00: Home is their landing place, home is a feeling that they get where they can just exhale and they know that they're accepted and they know that they can curl up and there's gonna be good company and there's gonna be laughter.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_00: And not that there's not problems.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_00: You guys, this is real life.
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_00: Every single family has problems.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_00: But when we can parent in this way, and as moms, as we can monitor the tone of our heart, because we all know too the the famous quote of the the mom is the thermostat for the house.
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_00: The mom sets the temperature.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_00: So if my heart is ice cold, it's gonna have a chill in the house.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_00: And I am basically telling the people in my house, we're all gonna be a little chippy today.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_00: We're all gonna be a little cold and short and bitter, and we're all gonna be a little cutting, and we're all gonna kind of huff and puff, and we're all gonna think about ourselves and seek to, you know, make sure that we get what we need as opposed to coming around it as for the good of others.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_00: And so just I'm so strongly convicted that how I show up in this role every day, good or bad, so drastically impacts the the feeling, the temperature, the atmosphere of my home.
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_00: And so just doing a self-check when these things are off balance for me, I kind of wrote down what typically is it?
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll tell you the number one thing.
• 25:33
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I they're kind of all, I shouldn't say the number one thing, the three things that came up that I think are always at the root of me not being in a good place in my heart is one, poor screen and sleep hygiene.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_00: Screen and sleep hygiene are the two things that that kick my butt the most.
• 25:51
  SPEAKER_00: Not being disciplined with only doing what needs to be done on my phone.
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_00: You pick up the phone because you need to check the email, or you pick up the phone because you need to sign up the kid for the basketball season or whatever it is.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_00: And that is not a disciplined habit.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_00: You do that, but then a notification comes up, and then you're on Instagram, and then you're scrolling through this person's account, and then you're clicking on that, and then you're buying something on the TikTok shop.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_00: And then, you know, you're on Amazon because you saw somebody that had a vacuum that influenced you that you think your house would be cleaner and better if you had that.
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_00: And it's just this cycle of when I pick it up, it's never usually just to do a quick task, even if that's the intention.
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_00: It somehow gets a hold of me.
• 26:31
  SPEAKER_00: And so just continuing to fight this battle of screen hygiene and making it a priority, number one for my own good, and number two, to be an example of what I want.
• 26:43
  SPEAKER_00: I read this morning, I don't, I'm gonna butcher it a little bit, but I'll I think it's pretty close.
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_00: It said in 1999, 1999, 1999 or 2005, I can't remember.
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_00: One of those years.
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_00: It was one of the years that we either got married or had our a baby.
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_00: I can't remember, but 99 or 2005.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_00: It's irrelevant that the average person spent an hour and a half on an electronic.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_00: In 2025, the average person, teens included, spends seven hours or more a day.
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_00: Seven hours or more a day.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_00: And we have to, we have to take hold of that.
• 27:20
  SPEAKER_00: Myself, I don't know if that's something you struggle with.
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_00: I think if we were transparent, almost every single person that owns a smartphone would say, this is a problem I need to work on.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_00: And so for me, screen hygiene, sleep hygiene, and they absolutely go hand in hand, a thousand percent.
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_00: And when I don't get good sleep because I'm on my screen, is primarily the reason why I don't get good sleep.
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_00: If I don't get good sleep, when I wake up tired, it is hard to get out of bed with a joyful spirit when my body hasn't been given the basic nutrition that it needs through sleep and rest and good food.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_00: And it's just this vicious cycle of it's hard to start well when you start feeling not good because of bad habits.
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_00: The second thing is not spending time in the word.
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_00: So often when I can tell myself, or I can feel myself being short or irritated, I can go, well, I didn't start today in the word.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_00: And most of the time it's because I got up late, because I was tired, because I didn't get enough sleep, because I was on my screen.
• 28:17
  SPEAKER_00: You see how this is like this ripple effect of things that pour over into each other.
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_00: And another thing is turning inward, keeping score, or comparing.
• 28:27
  SPEAKER_00: We talked a lot about this in the mental load episodes that I think are a super helpful listen.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_00: But when things feel unbalanced, which a lot of times they're just going to, because as moms, as women, the amount of things that are in our heads, the things that we're processing, the things that we're overseeing, the tasks that we're doing, they're just gonna be greater most days probably than our spouses.
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_00: And that's for reasons solely that I'm responsible kind of for the household.
• 28:54
  SPEAKER_00: And my husband is probably leaving and he's going and he's working super hard for his 10 hours a day, but he's not thinking about what kids need to be signed up for what or what food we have in the refrigerator or what laundry needs to switch over.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_00: He's dealing about different things.
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_00: And so it's very easy to start to keep score, to turn inwards, to pour me, nobody sees me, and to start comparing all the things I do for them, what are they doing for me?
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_00: Nobody even puts their dishes up, you know, it just goes into this whole sad song and dance that can be so pathetic when we stop and really look at it.
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_00: When if we're just working from a place of service, and again, not ignoring obvious conversations that need to be had, not ignoring that all of our children, as they are getting older and they're able to take on more responsibility, need to be contributing.
• 29:41
  SPEAKER_00: The Bible does not say you are to be a slave for your family.
• 29:45
  SPEAKER_00: Training up a child in the way that he should go is obvious things like responsibility and discipline and contributing to a family and being an involved member of this tribe that we have here at home.
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_00: Those three things for me.
• 30:00
  SPEAKER_00: Are so important when I start to feel my attitude slipping towards negativity or bitterness or grumbling and complaining, is just to do an inventory on those three things.
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_00: Do I need to put my phone in the drawer for a couple hours and just focus here at my house?
• 30:14
  SPEAKER_00: Do I need to get into the word if I haven't done so today?
• 30:17
  SPEAKER_00: And even if I have done so today, maybe I need to do it some more.
• 30:20
  SPEAKER_00: Am I keeping score in my head?
• 30:21
  SPEAKER_00: Am I becoming bitter?
• 30:23
  SPEAKER_00: Am I complaining?
• 30:25
  SPEAKER_00: I was just talking to a girlfriend recently about just she felt like she was in this same stage of just, man, this is hard.
• 30:32
  SPEAKER_00: I just feel like I'm having a hard time keeping my joy.
• 30:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I just said to her, I gave her a challenge to do a 30-day no-secular music challenge in her home.
• 30:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I think we don't realize how much music has an impact on us.
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_00: And we think, oh, it's just a great country song or it's just a fun, upbeat song to clean the house to.
• 30:51
  SPEAKER_00: But I think if you are really, really struggling with joy in your life, then just a good challenge is what would happen in your home, in your car, anywhere that you're together as a family, if you made the commitment for 30 days to listen to nothing but Christian or praise and worship music and just see what would happen.
• 31:11
  SPEAKER_00: It would just be a great little experiment.
• 31:13
  SPEAKER_00: I know for me, when I start to feel my heart going towards bitterness or any of this ridiculous feelings that I can get of poor me, if I just crank up some Christian praise music, it's amazing how quickly you can have your heart softened, especially when it's word-for-word scripture.
• 31:30
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're not familiar with seeds, S-E-E-D-S, Seeds Family Worship, that's literal scripture to music, word-for-word scripture.
• 31:40
  SPEAKER_00: There's another one that's great.
• 31:41
  SPEAKER_00: Abby, a gal that's in our church, she's done some amazing ones with scripture, straight to music.
• 31:46
  SPEAKER_00: I'll link some of those resources in the notes for you.
• 31:49
  SPEAKER_00: I'll also include a couple of great praise and worship playlists that I have, just so that you have access to those.
• 31:55
  SPEAKER_00: But just that little thing, how it can turn your heart and your mind and just start to soften you.
• 32:00
  SPEAKER_00: So a couple of verses there that came to mind just for those three things about when I fall into this pattern is John 15, 4 through 5.
• 32:08
  SPEAKER_00: Remain in me as I also remain in you.
• 32:10
  SPEAKER_00: No branch can bear fruit by itself.
• 32:13
  SPEAKER_00: It must remain in the vine.
• 32:15
  SPEAKER_00: Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
• 32:18
  SPEAKER_00: I am the vine, you are the branches.
• 32:20
  SPEAKER_00: If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit.
• 32:24
  SPEAKER_00: Apart from me, you can do nothing.
• 32:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I think, man, that is the truth, right?
• 32:31
  SPEAKER_00: Apart from me, you can do nothing.
• 32:33
  SPEAKER_00: And when I feel like things are falling apart, when I feel like nothing is getting done, when I feel like relationships are fractured, when I feel like my patience is low, most often it's because I am trying to do things in my own strength.
• 32:46
  SPEAKER_00: And so just such a good reminder there.
• 32:48
  SPEAKER_00: And then again, Philippians 2, 3 through 4, do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.
• 32:54
  SPEAKER_00: Rather, in humility, value others above yourself, not looking to your own interest, but each of you to the interest of others.
• 33:02
  SPEAKER_00: And that could just be a prayer of mom's.
• 33:04
  SPEAKER_00: Nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but just in humility, valuing serving others above ourselves, not looking at our own interest, but at the interest of these precious people that God has entrusted us to live in our homes.
• 33:19
  SPEAKER_00: And then lastly, when we look at how our attitude, how our heart posture, how us believing to our corn, acting accordingly, that we are living out a sacred calling, how that then impacts our relationship with our spouses.
• 33:33
  SPEAKER_00: And in wives, the environment that we are cultivating drastically impacts our husbands as well.
• 33:39
  SPEAKER_00: You know, we think it so much impacts our children, but it drastically impacts our husbands too.
• 33:45
  SPEAKER_00: When home is peaceful and grace-filled, it strengthens him to do his work.
• 33:50
  SPEAKER_00: And again, when he has those same attributes, of course, it allows me to serve my family better, but we're talking about moms and wives in this specific situation.
• 34:01
  SPEAKER_00: And so when our house is peaceful, it strengthens him.
• 34:04
  SPEAKER_00: It allows him to also feel like home is a landing place, not a battlefield.
• 34:09
  SPEAKER_00: The last thing I want is for my husband to be like, I'd rather just stay at work because it's it's more peaceful here, right?
• 34:14
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely not.
• 34:15
  SPEAKER_00: I want refuge to begin as soon as my family, my husband included, walk through the door.
• 34:21
  SPEAKER_00: And our support is part of God's kingdom calling for how family is supposed to work.
• 34:26
  SPEAKER_00: And one of the verses for that is the wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands, the foolish one tears it down.
• 34:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I can think of so many examples where we have ended up in an argument or things feel tense.
• 34:40
  SPEAKER_00: And I can literally look and say, Nikki, your own hands tore that down.
• 34:46
  SPEAKER_00: Your own words, your own attitude, your own selfishness.
• 34:50
  SPEAKER_00: But that Bible verse, Proverbs 14, 1, says, a wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands, the foolish one tears hers down.
• 35:01
  SPEAKER_00: Do you want to be known by your children and your husband as a wise woman who builds her house up or as a foolish woman who tears it down?
• 35:09
  SPEAKER_00: That's just a good one.
• 35:10
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to commit that one to memory.
• 35:12
  SPEAKER_00: Proverbs 14, 1.
• 35:13
  SPEAKER_00: Another one about our spouses is Ecclesiastes 4, 9 through 10.
• 35:18
  SPEAKER_00: Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor.
• 35:22
  SPEAKER_00: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.
• 35:25
  SPEAKER_00: But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.
• 35:29
  SPEAKER_00: And then lastly, Ephesians 5.33.
• 35:32
  SPEAKER_00: However, each one of you must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
• 35:38
  SPEAKER_00: And these could be a whole podcast in and of themselves, but I want to go back to that Ecclesiastes 4, 9 through 10, where it says, Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor.
• 35:48
  SPEAKER_00: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.
• 35:52
  SPEAKER_00: But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.
• 35:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I just want to say here that husbands, if you're listening, you have such an opportunity as well to build your wife up.
• 36:05
  SPEAKER_00: I am so grateful for a husband that when I send him a text that's thank you for working so hard for us.
• 36:10
  SPEAKER_00: I know you would rather be home than traveling all week.
• 36:12
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for working so hard for us.
• 36:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so grateful for the life that you've provided.
• 36:17
  SPEAKER_00: Nine out of 10 times the response that I get back is wouldn't be possible without you doing what you're doing at home.
• 36:25
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for how you contribute to our family.
• 36:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's this recognition that we both play vital roles.
• 36:33
  SPEAKER_00: One might be making the majority of the money, but the other is the supporter.
• 36:37
  SPEAKER_00: It's the person that's allowing the world to go on while they are able to walk out.
• 36:43
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes I can get frustrated and I can feel like if I want to get a haircut or do something, I have to think through everybody in my house, and obviously not nearly as much now as I used to when our kids were younger, but I used to be jealous of just the freedom to schedule a haircut and just be able to go because you know everything at home is taken care of.
• 37:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I would build resentment over that.
• 37:03
  SPEAKER_00: And now I look at it as I am so grateful that my husband knows that we're in a good place, that he knows home is taken care of.
• 37:14
  SPEAKER_00: And again, that doesn't negate the need to have conversations and say, does this work?
• 37:18
  SPEAKER_00: Does that work?
• 37:19
  SPEAKER_00: But instead of being bitter about it, I take it as a compliment that he knows we've got it together.
• 37:25
  SPEAKER_00: When he leaves on a work trip, he knows we're gonna be okay.
• 37:29
  SPEAKER_00: And it's because I have leaned into the role.
• 37:33
  SPEAKER_00: It has been 26 years of learning and still I get it wrong a lot.
• 37:37
  SPEAKER_00: But I went from being bitter all the time, being left home alone with children when he traveled, to now being like, no, this is the role that I've been given.
• 37:46
  SPEAKER_00: And when I can support my kids well when he's traveling, not only is it supporting my kids well, it's supporting him well.
• 37:54
  SPEAKER_00: And when I can work to keep peace in the home, again, that doesn't mean that there's no arguing and there's no real life happening.
• 38:01
  SPEAKER_00: But when the overall goal and strategy of home is peace and love, when he comes home, that's an amazing thing to come home to.
• 38:12
  SPEAKER_00: That's a gift that we get to give.
• 38:13
  SPEAKER_00: And so, husbands, I hope that if you are the main breadwinner, even if you're not, even if your wife also works full-time, I hope that you're pouring into her those words of affirmation that the job she is doing is a nearly impossible task and she's doing it well.
• 38:33
  SPEAKER_00: Pour encouragement into your spouse.
• 38:35
  SPEAKER_00: Women, pour encouragement into your husband as they leave.
• 38:39
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it feels like they're abandoning us.
• 38:41
  SPEAKER_00: I can't believe that you're leaving me with all of these people and this chaos and this mess, but praise them for being disciplined.
• 38:48
  SPEAKER_00: Do you know that if you have a husband that gets up and goes to work, that that's a gift because a lot of men are sitting around and they're grumbling and they're complaining and they don't have a desire to provide for their family.
• 39:00
  SPEAKER_00: And so if you have a husband that's that's leaving and he's working hard, celebrate that and call that out in him because that is such a gift.
• 39:08
  SPEAKER_00: And so I just wanted to come here and be real about some of this stuff, just a daily.
• 39:12
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know that I will ever get to the point.
• 39:14
  SPEAKER_00: I pray in God's mercy that I get to the point that this is just a hundred percent a natural outpouring of my heart, that I wake up with joy, that I parent with joy all day, that I grandparent with joy, that I mother-in-law and adult parent with joy, and that I just become a person that it is just such a natural outflow.
• 39:34
  SPEAKER_00: But my gut tells me that my human nature will constantly try to get in the way and will constantly need for me to do CPR of coming back to Nikki.
• 39:45
  SPEAKER_00: This is a sacred calling.
• 39:46
  SPEAKER_00: You cannot do it on your own.
• 39:48
  SPEAKER_00: You have to be connected to the source of all things that make it possible, which is Jesus.
• 39:54
  SPEAKER_00: And when you do it well, you not only bless your children, you bless your spouse, and the blessings that you will see here on this earth will be great in what you get to see in your kids as they spread their wings and they fly.
• 40:08
  SPEAKER_00: So I just want just to remind mamas, your work matters, even when it feels so unseen and maybe completely unrecognized.
• 40:17
  SPEAKER_00: You are building stability, you are building faith, and you are building love into your family by every single thing that you show up and do for them every day.
• 40:27
  SPEAKER_00: And someday we won't remember all of the tasks, but the faces behind the tasks that we did.
• 40:34
  SPEAKER_00: I don't remember all of the specific things I did when my kids were little, but I remember their sweet faces.
• 40:40
  SPEAKER_00: I remember what a joy it was to be able to raise them and still just reaping those rewards.
• 40:47
  SPEAKER_00: And so maybe make a list of what are the things that are giving you hiccups in your daily showing up for your family, what are the things that are the obstacles?
• 40:56
  SPEAKER_00: Is it similar to mine?
• 40:57
  SPEAKER_00: Is it screen and sleep hygiene?
• 40:59
  SPEAKER_00: Is it not plugging into the word?
• 41:00
  SPEAKER_00: Is it comparing and having some bitterness in your heart?
• 41:04
  SPEAKER_00: And then make a plan to adjust those because the we all know the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.
• 41:14
  SPEAKER_00: So if you are not liking what you're seeing in your family, if you're not liking the overflow of your heart, then figure out what are the things that you need to do to start changing that so that the environment of your home becomes one of joyful service and of love, where people are excited to come, sit on the couch, have a conversation, and build a relationship.
• 41:36
  SPEAKER_00: So that's just a little heart dump from me this week.
• 41:39
  SPEAKER_00: I just felt like that was something important.
• 41:41
  SPEAKER_00: God's working on it in my life.
• 41:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I know that I'm sure a lot of others can relate.
• 41:45
  SPEAKER_00: And so I just I know that these days can feel super long and they can feel lonely.
• 41:50
  SPEAKER_00: But again, I'll just say it over and over.
• 41:52
  SPEAKER_00: What you're doing matters.
• 41:53
  SPEAKER_00: You are raising humans and there is no greater gift or calling than that.
• 41:58
  SPEAKER_00: And so I just appreciate you being here week after week.
• 42:00
  SPEAKER_00: I hope that this gives you the encouragement to go into your week and to be able to do it with joy.
• 42:05
  SPEAKER_00: If you are a mama that listens to this, maybe this is a podcast that you think other moms would enjoy.
• 42:11
  SPEAKER_00: It means the world to us when you share this, whether that be just through sending a quick text to another mom or putting it on your social.
• 42:18
  SPEAKER_00: That is how we get into more and more households.
• 42:21
  SPEAKER_00: And it's the best way for the podcast to grow.
• 42:24
  SPEAKER_00: I can't think of any other way that I'd rather it grow than through recommendations from listeners.
• 42:30
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're willing to not only share but rate or review this podcast, it makes all the world of difference in how this gets into the algorithms.
• 42:37
  SPEAKER_00: So we're so grateful that you're here week after week.
• 42:40
  SPEAKER_00: Until next week, friends, take care of