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Finding Purpose Through Suffering · The World Knowledge

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Sometimes when I had friends that had older brothers, that
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: was always something I thought would have been cool.
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  Speaker 2: Just like someone looking out for you.
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  Speaker 3: But I.
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: Liked being only child.
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: I don't know exactly what this means, but I've had
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  Speaker 1: multiple of my friends tell me that I'm the only,
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  Speaker 1: only child they like. I know because we, we have a,
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: we have a stereotype of being all like, don't share.
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  Speaker 2: And you know, I, so I didn't get that, but
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  Speaker 2: I think it.
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  Speaker 1: It taught me to really like, enjoy my alone time and, like,
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  Speaker 1: how to entertain myself. So I got really into, like,
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  Speaker 1: music and playing guitar and, like, arts and crafts. So,
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  Speaker 1: you know, sometimes I would be like, oh, you know,
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  Speaker 1: what would it be like? But then I would go
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: visit my cousins who are three sisters, and they would
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: get in, like, physical fights.
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, you know what? I think I'm good.
• 0:47
  Speaker 3: Well, so I wondered, too, like, it seems like you
• 0:49
  Speaker 3: had a really solid relationship with your mom and dad.
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  Speaker 2: I did. Right.
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  Speaker 1: And my dad passed away in 2020. It wasn't COVID related,
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: but even up till the end, really good relationship. And
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: me and my mom, she's one of my best friends
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  Speaker 1: for sure, as sad as that may sound.
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  Speaker 2: But she's awesome.
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  Speaker 1: So I was lucky to have good relationship with my
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  Speaker 1: parents since I didn't have siblings to talk to.
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  Speaker 2: I was able to come to them with a lot
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  Speaker 2: of my stuff. So that helps.
• 1:20
  Speaker 3: What was it like for you when your dad died?
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  Speaker 3: Was that hard? It was.
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  Speaker 1: I was only 23, and it was completely unexpected. And
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  Speaker 1: I've kind of contemplated this and talked to other friends
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: who've had dads or parents pass away.
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: And I think.
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  Speaker 1: It was easier in the sense that I didn't know
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: he was sick. I didn't have to watch him deteriorate
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: for months or years. But it was hard because it
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: was just a shock.
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  Speaker 3: I was 23.
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  Speaker 2: I was trying to text him for a week. I
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: was out of town. and I just had a bad feeling.
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: And so I had one of his friends check on
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  Speaker 1: him and, you know, found out he passed away. And
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: I mean, up until then, I've had a pretty good childhood,
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  Speaker 1: like nothing, you know, and that was like the first big,
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  Speaker 1: like loss I experienced.
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  Speaker 2: So it definitely, it definitely took a toll.
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  Speaker 1: Uh, I mean, it taught me a lot about like
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  Speaker 1: how strong I actually am. Like, you know, I thought
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  Speaker 1: I would have completely crumbled and fall, fallen apart, which
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  Speaker 1: I did for a little bit there naturally, just grieving, um,
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  Speaker 1: But I'm just, you know, overall, I try to think
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  Speaker 1: of like, you know, I'm really grateful I had that
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  Speaker 1: dad for 23 years as opposed to another.
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  Speaker 2: Dad for the rest of my life. So I try
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: to look at it like that, which makes it a
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  Speaker 2: little easier.
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  Speaker 1: You know, not that it's easy, but yeah, it was
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  Speaker 1: definitely not what I expected to happen at 23.
• 2:43
  Speaker 3: So he just, so he died alone?
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, he was living alone.
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  Speaker 1: He had a heart attack. And luckily I knew his
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  Speaker 1: friend who lived up the street. Um, So not to
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  Speaker 1: be too gruesome, but we probably found him a few
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  Speaker 1: days after it happened.
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: Um, but yeah, he was alone, unfortunately.
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  Speaker 1: Well, him and his dog and his dog was just
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  Speaker 1: there like standing by his side, which also breaks my heart.
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: It's like, why isn't this guy feeding me?
• 3:13
  Speaker 3: Well, he probably, one thing I love about dogs. I mean,
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  Speaker 3: I'm a cat person, but not because I don't like dogs,
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  Speaker 3: but just, I have these two cats that have just
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  Speaker 3: been so, I love them so much. Um, But, like,
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  Speaker 3: I've heard so many stories of dogs that will not
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  Speaker 3: leave their owners, even when they're dead. Like, they just don't...
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  Speaker 3: They're like, I'm not going. You know, they're not really
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  Speaker 3: sure what's going on exactly. And I'm sure they probably
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  Speaker 3: sense something's very odd or off, but they don't leave. Yeah.
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  Speaker 3: And it's just, like, very loyal.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's true. She was just right there, standing next
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  Speaker 2: to him. It's interesting.
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  Speaker 3: Is it, you know... Was it, in a way, a
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  Speaker 3: mercy you weren't the one who went and found him?
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: Oh, yeah.
• 4:02
  Speaker 3: My goodness.
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  Speaker 1: I know, like, Chris, the friend who found him, like,
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  Speaker 1: he had to go through therapy. I mean, I probably, like,
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  Speaker 1: I can't imagine me being the one to walk in
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  Speaker 1: on him.
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  Speaker 2: Oh, yeah.
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  Speaker 1: That would have, like, probably messed me up way more. So,
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  Speaker 1: I feel bad for Chris. I'm grateful that he was
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  Speaker 1: there just to kind of confirm what was going on
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  Speaker 1: and he was able to.
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  Speaker 2: I was in Hawaii at the time. My dad was
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  Speaker 2: in LA.
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  Speaker 1: So I came home as fast as I could, but
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  Speaker 1: my aunt was the one who drove up. But Chris
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  Speaker 1: was there until family members were able to kind of
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  Speaker 1: take over. But yes, definitely grateful I was not the one.
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  Speaker 2: I can't imagine.
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  Speaker 3: Because I wondered if I've never lost someone physically that
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  Speaker 3: I was very close to. I've lost people in an
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  Speaker 3: emotional sense that I'm far from now, which is its
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  Speaker 3: own death, but it's not the same. I mean, they
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  Speaker 3: exist somewhere. You know that.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 3: So people have often said time makes it better or– Honestly,
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  Speaker 3: a lot of people I know don't talk about grief,
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  Speaker 3: like how they feel after someone has died. Like to
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  Speaker 3: actually ask them, you have to ask a lot of
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  Speaker 3: questions and then finally they might share. But it's kind
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  Speaker 3: of taboo. Like I remember I was talking with Lois Lowry,
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  Speaker 3: the author, and she said to me like people would
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  Speaker 3: intentionally not mention her son even though he just died.
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  Speaker 3: And she said they thought it was a mercy to
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  Speaker 3: not ask that. But she felt like they were ignoring
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  Speaker 3: him by not saying anything. And I just wondered, for you,
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  Speaker 3: do you think it's better or is it just more bearable?