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Emails · System Speak: Complex Trauma and Dissociation

• 0:08
  Speaker 1: Over: Welcome to the System Speak Podcast, a podcast about Dissociative Identity Disorder. If you are new to the podcast, we recommend starting at the beginning episodes and listen in order to hear our story and what we have learned through this endeavor. Current episodes may be more applicable to longtime listeners and are likely to contain more advanced topics, emotional or other triggering content, and or reference earlier episodes that provide more context to what we are currently learning and experiencing. As always, please care for yourself during and after listening to the podcast. Thank you.
• 1:03
  We want to share that we have received an award this year with the following email, which I will just read. It says, Hello, every many. Do you get it? It says every many instead of everyone. Hello, every many.
• 1:22
  Thank you, so much for being awesome. You and are the Plural Therapist and Advocate of the Year 2020. Congratulations and thank you for all of your hard work for the community. We are honored to bestow you with these awards and we hope you enjoy the gifts that are being shipped to you, including the attached certificate and a related medal. Thank you from all of us at the Plural Association and the community.
• 1:51
  And then the press release says, Plural Therapist and Advocate of the Year, Doctor. Emily Christianson, which is our legal name. The Plural Association is thrilled to announce Doctor. Emily Christianson as our first Plural Therapist and Advocate of the Year. And then it has some of our bio, which is always such a funny thing to read, our professional bio.
• 2:14
  It says, in 2019, Doctor. Christiansen helped to conduct a survey of pleural systems as part of the twenty nineteen Pleural Positivity World Conference, with the results accepted to be shared in 2020 at the ISSTD conference in San Francisco. The survey received eight sixty three responses from 61 different countries and led to many very insightful conclusions such as the fact that 92% of participants were interested in some form of functional multiplicity and that seventy eight percent of participants were not wanting to attempt integration. No plurals identified as being iatrogenic in any form. The survey also found that twenty percent of the participants were in the age group of 18 to 24.
• 3:06
  However, that said more participants have finished high school than their parents, more have some college even if they have not finished degree, more have associate's degrees than their fathers, and more have bachelor's degrees than their parents. Also of note is that twenty one percent of respondents had been referred six or more times for therapy. There are too many gems of information to possibly list here, but you can find the results from the survey on her blog. And then it lists the blog on the System Speak website. And then they say, Doctor.
• 3:41
  Christensen's podcast System Speak has received the ISSTD media award, and she really put effort into normalizing a lot of plural experiences while also sharing important educational information and being transparent with her listeners. This sort of representation in media has meant so much to many plurals, many of us on the team included. Doctor. Christensen, who is diagnosed with DID, and her system began their global podcast System Speak when they recognized the need for ongoing DID related media to educate themselves and others. System Speak is about documenting one journey, educating many, and finding their own voices.
• 4:23
  It's about finding a way to bridge the gap between survivor and clinician. It's about advocacy, fighting stigma, adding substance, quality, and rawness to the online conversation regarding trauma in general and dissociative identity disorder specifically. Doctor. Christensen has also donated her valuable time to train the Pleural Association team with necessary suicide prevention training for a pleural warm line. Suicide prevention training is not cheap, and with a statistic of seventy percent for outpatient DID plurals, we know we cannot do this work without this important training.
• 5:01
  Without this training, we are not able to move forward with the Warm Line project. This is a huge donation and contribution, skill sharing, and grassroots organizing. We are so grateful for the relationship we have built with Doctor. Christensen and for her continued support in both of our efforts to include all plurals and grow together. Congratulations to Doctor.
• 5:22
  Christensen. The many in us honor the many in you and all you do. That's amazing. And there's a certificate and a medal which we'll put up on the website, and we don't have words for our gratitude. We are grateful for so many people working together to make lives safer and more accepting and the world a bigger place for survivors and for plurals specifically.
• 5:49
  The suicide rate is so high for plurals and staying alive can be so difficult for plurals, which is so ironic when so many of us have been through so much already that has brought us to this point, and have literally developed dissociation to fight for our lives. And we ourselves know that holding on to life and trying to live and be well can be so, so difficult. And we are glad that we have the opportunity to continue the podcast as we can, so that all of us will remember that we are not alone and that matters. And I appreciate and I'm so grateful for the Plural Association and the warm line that they are trying to establish and develop so that plurals will have more resources for staying healthy and well and connected. Thank you for doing all that you do.
• 6:58
  We have emails. This one says, dear system speak, I want to let you know how grateful I am for your podcast. Thank you for sharing your story. I am so thankful you are still with us after the difficulties of the pandemic. I know that we still have much to get through, but I believe in our strength to face things and get through it.
• 7:21
  Your podcast has been a great source of support these last couple of months. I've learned a lot from you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
• 7:29
  I'm so glad. Thank you. Kathy says, hi. I just want to say thank you. I've listened to almost all of your podcasts, not in order, but when they said what I've needed.
• 7:41
  I've learned so much listening to you learn on your journey. When I've craved that professional validation, I've listened to your guests. When I wanted to feel heard, I listened to you. Your incredible willingness to share your vulnerability, courage, discomfort, deep pain, shame, and your learning have helped me so much. Painfully, you acknowledging your own mistreatment has given me permission to accept what is on my journey.
• 8:09
  There are times I have been frustrated by you and disagreed with things you've said, only later to realize these were the things that I didn't want to accept. And for that, I've cried with self compassion. Thank you a thousand times over. Your episodes about your teacher friend were comforting. Again, because you gave your story a voice, I too quietly listened to my own stories, reflecting with compassion and understanding that I was only a child, a young adult, and that I did what I could do to survive.
• 8:42
  I've just listened to your last episode and breathed in the strength you shared. That last song undid me. I live in Australia and have had access to a trauma and dissociation unit that has been a lifesaver for me. One of the most powerful moments I ever remember was a group music therapy session where we sang, This is me together. In that unit, I was understood.
• 9:06
  Those patients knew trauma, denial, despair, and they understood the terrifying challenges that come with being hijacked by an alter needing to get us away from the overwhelm of the past. Singing This is Me with them was phenomenal. I carry that song with me at all times, and I often repeat that phrase without shame as we walk into our workplace, as I drive through the town I grew up in, and as I keep taking steps forward. I am proud of who I am and how far I have come. My alters are a part of me.
• 9:39
  We are a fortified force to be reckoned with, creative in our survival, resourceful, intelligent, and all with our own fragilities and strengths, and we will all just keep learning. I am so grateful for what you have shared. I'm not sure you'll ever understand what it's like for us as listeners to have you voice our fears, confusions, gut wrenching grief, and mind exploding revelations. It's empowering, it's comforting, it's inspiring, it's humbling, and it's so incredibly real. I have a wonderful therapist, a loving husband, good friends, supportive colleagues, but there's nothing more powerful than hearing someone else tell their story, knowing they understand why we ask for help while pushing it away at the same time, why trusting ourselves feels so dangerous, why allowing ourselves to be loved is the most painful and riskiest thing we can ever do.
• 10:36
  Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. That was one of the most beautiful emails I've ever read, and I'm going to have to take some time to process it. Thank you.
• 10:48
  Lisa says, this is me. That episode. Congratulations. And heck, yeah. Thank you for sharing.
• 10:57
  These are good rules to live by for us all. Oh, thank you, Lisa. Crystal says, I'm so glad to hear that your daughter is doing better. She is such an amazing little trooper. She deserves all the happiness that life has to offer.
• 11:12
  Sending her best wishes and congrats for hanging in there and being strong. Love and comfort for her little body and the support she needs. I'm so glad she got to be five as that was her wish. Yes. Thank you, crystals.
• 11:27
  Crystals also say, in response to the recent emails episode about ADHD and relational trauma, we just started taking a stimulant, ADHD med, that our psychiatrist prescribed for complex trauma. We had a friend over for a couple days and the whole time we were running around the house doing stuff and only sat down to eat, which looks like ADHD. We know we have a lot of attachment difficulties that keep people at a distance. While we are hesitant to add meds, we are fortunate to have a psychiatrist who knows about trauma and DID. Our hypervigilance and our insiders all talking at once and frantically going from activity to activity because no one can agree to settle in or streamline a thought or activity also looks like ADHD.
• 12:14
  We are hopeful that therapy and working on inner communication will help us with this. Good for you, crystals. That's a lot of hard work. They also said, we really enjoyed hearing you talk about working while having DID and people giving you the benefit of the doubt that you are well enough to work. We totally get that working as a peer provider with lived experience.
• 12:37
  Our supervisor listened to the first four episodes of the podcast, after which she had a lot more understanding of why we don't always know if we've done things. She'll be like, did you call this person? And we'll be like, I don't know. Let me check my call log. Ugh.
• 12:53
  Also, as far as work goes, we find that we can work really well and look like we're doing really good, but then be needing hospitalization and multiple weeks off work. We are so impressed with everything you do and send understanding and love regarding the struggles of work. I think that's absolutely true for a lot of us crystals, and it is very difficult to keep going and to keep trying for sure. Thank you for sharing. Kat says, we all, adults and littles, listen to your podcast every day as we walk to and from work and errands.
• 13:31
  Your voice, your insights, and your openness are a lifeline for us during these isolated times in the already isolating reality of DID. We live in an apartment with one roommate with whom we have become very close and whom we have come to trust a lot. Tonight, we told her about our DID to explain the things she's observed about us and found confusing. However, she is mentally disabled and has trouble with complex or abstract concepts. We loved the patchwork quilt by Jeff Clark that you recommended, and we are hoping to use that with her.
• 14:08
  Doctor. E, we love your interviews. They are my favorite kind of episode because it is so heartening to hear from supportive clinicians. Sasha, us teens find you extremely relatable and love how frank you are about everything. Jean Marc, thank you for being such a pleasant and considerate gentleman for others inside and out.
• 14:29
  And we love your honesty and vulnerability. Others, you all rock. Thank you. Oh, Kat, thank you for the encouragement, and that was very brave of you to share with your friend. I'm glad they are a safe person.
• 14:41
  And the patchwork quilt really is an amazing little book for outside kids or sharing with others a little bit more about DID. I'm so glad you got it. Janessa says, I just wanted to say this. I am a trauma therapist who is starting my journey in specializing in DID. I already specialize in attachment trauma, family systems work, and somatic process.
• 15:07
  Listening to your podcast is amazing. I'm inspired by your story, your courage, your hope, your bravery. Thank you so much for doing this. I hope to be a safe place for all systems. Wow, you've really done a lot of work already and are ahead in the game, so I'm so glad that you are learning more about DID.
• 15:27
  I would absolutely recommend for clinicians the certificate program or the professional training program with ISSTD, and not just because I'm biased and work for them and I'm a part of that program in that way, but because I myself have taken the classes, and they are incredible, and I have learned so, so much and would absolutely recommend them. Thank you for taking good care of people. Another email says, I just finished listening to Banished. I can't thank you enough for always being real and honest in a way that brings so much healing and understanding to the community, professionals, and survivors. We don't take your self disclosure lightly because we know the strength that that takes.
• 16:10
  Your journey and being part of the plural community has taught us to trust systems and people to know what's best for them, and from that to trust ourselves. It is amazing that you've allowed your listeners to cross to the other side of the lake with you. You could have stopped the podcast and let us all stay with just knowing the other circle. Thank you for continuing to tell your story just the way it is. I'm so glad that you fight for what is right for you and your system.
• 16:39
  I think we have to, though. Right? Like, it's part of staying alive or defending ourselves in that way. I think it's part of survival, maybe? Another email.
• 16:50
  Thank you for continuing to talk about toxic positivity. I truly believe that understanding this will save lives. I've met so many people in hospitals and intensive outpatient in crisis residential who've experienced dismissal and misattunement that comes with the latest therapies pushed by managed care and insurance. There are so many people traumatized by therapists who, in hopes to help people feel better, want them to only focus on the positive rather than being present with them in the pain, which is what they promised in the first place. And when they do that, it feels like a betrayal.
• 17:27
  And that's when people get hurt because it takes away hope that has been so fragilely built together. The kind of gaslighting that really makes people crazy, it takes away hope because forced dissociation from pain doesn't work and it's not okay for the therapist to dissociate instead of the client. I think that's really powerful, and I absolutely agree with you. And I think that that is a very scary and dangerous thing that it puts clients at very high risk, especially in the context of a therapeutic relationship when there's a betrayal or a rupture in that way. And when it's ongoing and doesn't get repaired, that's maybe one of the hardest things there is.
• 18:11
  Kim, our dear friend Kim. Oh, Kim, we love you so much, and I'm so glad that you're still around. She says, wow. I'm so sorry to hear that Sasha, Doctor. E, and the ones who started the podcast are on an island.
• 18:24
  I've recognized for a long time they weren't around, but I hoped they were coming back soon, but it sounds like you won't let them. I think it's a little more complicated than that. It's not about you won't let them. Like, that kinda puts the choice on me. Whereas I think it's really more of a response to external danger, and we can talk about that as it's safe to do so, but it's not really yet.
• 18:47
  And so it's hard to explain that. So I also am aware that listeners are only hearing part of the story. So I know that's confusing and complicated, and I'm really sorry about that. But Kim says, I hope they know how much I appreciate them and how much they truly helped so many. My loves and I learned much from their personal stories and will miss their voices.
• 19:09
  I hope they know how much I admire them for their bravery and courage to let me and everyone else in on the parts they chose to share. I'm actually mourning them myself. This podcast has been a bridge over troubled waters, and I'm eternally grateful. Thank you for leaving them with hope. Sometimes that's all a person has to keep them alive.
• 19:29
  Be well. I agree with you, Kim, a %, and and hope is what matters more than anything else, and it's such a fragile thing sometimes. Mandy says, I am so incredibly grateful to you for your podcast because of what I was learning through your story, experience, and breadth of knowledge and your incredible ability to put into words that we can understand. I have been so, so much better able to be a better friend to someone in my life who has DID. Thank you so much for bringing this topic to the table for us to talk about, digest, and help so many.
• 20:08
  Please keep doing what you do. I seriously cannot thank you enough. Oh, thank you, Mandy, for the encouragement. Another email. Hi.
• 20:18
  There is so much I want to tell everyone. Thank you so much for sharing, Hearing from everyone and the role that they play to help the system be well rounded has really helped me understand the importance of embracing all the parts of me. I am getting my Masters in Counseling and hope to someday be skilled enough to effectively work alongside clients who have experienced trauma or maybe even plurals. Good for you. Thank you.
• 20:45
  Keep doing your own work and seek out really good training. I'll plug the ISSTD again just because I really loved what they did and wish you well on that journey. Cassie says, hello. I hope this message finds you well. I'm not sure what to say.
• 21:02
  I'm seeking advice as I am finding it difficult to manage my life, and it has been the most helpful resource I have ever found. I don't know what post I know National Association of Mental Illness, but I don't know what posts you're talking about. We didn't post there. Did they share something of ours? I don't even know.
• 21:23
  It says, finding a care provider seems to be as difficult as trying to communicate about what's going on inside. That is so true. I agree with that. The reports from my friends, family, police, and doctors are difficult to read in here. Yeah.
• 21:38
  It's brutal, you guys. It's so raw. I can't even. The article you wrote in 02/2016 on the elephant website, please, was really hard to read as well. I also don't know what that is.
• 21:50
  Maybe they have confused us with someone else. I'm not sure. I have so much doubt and shame and anger. I feel like it comes from being afraid. I have said too much already and am probably communicating improperly or rudely, for which I apologize.
• 22:03
  Not at all, but I don't know the articles that you're referencing, so I apologize for that. I just have lots of questions, and I'm trying to find someone who understands that I can talk to. I would seek out some support groups. They have so many answers and good. The Plural Association also has a lot of information, so, those are good places to start online.
• 22:24
  Thanks for writing, Cassie. Another email. This podcast continues to amaze me. Just the other day, I typed out the part in banished about treating PTSD and depression differently and sent it to a friend who keeps getting thrown all the solutions for depression that aren't working. Today, I mentioned in a group that the freeze response of trauma can look like depression and not wanting to get out of bed from the Christine Forner Cascade of Defenses episode.
• 22:53
  One of the members of the group was very grateful as she had been through a recent trauma, and it was helpful to identify the connection. Thank you so much for being a beacon of hope. That's wonderful. I'm so glad, for this example of healing connection. Thank you for caring for people and sharing what you learn.
• 23:13
  Another email. Thank you again, as always, for sharing your journey with us. We often feel like failing therapy or not working hard enough to heal because we still struggle and things are still hard. Thank you for shining the light to why things are so difficult, why grounding doesn't always work, and why we don't always feel connected even to our close friends. To some, learning things that don't work may be discouraging, but the release of shame and the hope that comes from knowing that we need a different approach is liberating.
• 23:46
  Yes, That has been one of our biggest takeaways from 2020. I'm so glad that's been helpful. From Tina. Hi, everyone. I recently found your podcast and wanted to tell you how helpful I have found it.
• 23:59
  I don't have DID myself, I don't think, but I do have CPTSD, and so many of the discussions you have are so incredibly relevant for anyone living after trauma, plural or not. Thank you for sharing your story and for being so insightful, honest, authentic, and also for being easy to listen to. Wishing you all the best. Thank you, Tina. Our friend Kim is back, and she says, loved this episode with Annie Goldsmith about disordered eating.
• 24:29
  It gave me so much clarity about my loves and the way each of them approach food and why some of them do not eat but get upset with the one who does to keep them alive. Amazing episode. One I will listen to many times. Thank you. Oh, Kim, I'm so glad you wrote in.
• 24:46
  Thank you. Carly says, dear Emma, I am now obsessed with your podcast. As someone who has had tons of trauma in the past, I am always fascinated by psychology and how the mind and body work to fight and protect the soul. Your podcast is incredible. A few pieces of advice.
• 25:05
  Your website could use some work for the archives. Oh, that's fantastic. It's totally true. I do not have the time or energy or capacity to work on the website at this time. I have at least documented everything.
• 25:19
  It is there so it's not lost. And literally right now, that is the best I can do, and I am actually okay with it. But thank you for your suggestions, Carly. And post pandemic, if the outside kids go back to school, that could be maybe something we work on. Thank you.
• 25:35
  Another email. Oh my gosh. We just realized something. Over several episodes, you've talked about your friend who is a good person, but not the right friend for you. Suddenly today, we connected it to a situation that we have with a friend.
• 25:49
  She's a good, caring person, but not able to support us in the way we need, despite her really wanting to. We feel guilty about not wanting to see her and canceling on her. We have other friends who are responsive and we can receive from and we need to be nurturing to those relationships. Thank you so much. Friendships are so hard and we clearly are not yet skilled in this realm.
• 26:13
  We have friends with DID and we don't talk about that very much on the podcast partly because of privacy issues and wanting to protect them and help them feel safe. Others of them have been on the podcast to share directly, and there's a few people in our life that we have tried in real life to be friends with, but we I don't know, I think out of our five actual efforts, we maybe have only gotten to keep two of them. And so we maybe that's just enough. Maybe that's all we need. Maybe that's all we can do.
• 26:49
  Maybe it's a capacity issue. Maybe it's just okay. But we we are definitely not the friendship experts yet, you guys. Ray says, okay. I found you at some point on Instagram and messaged you and hope you got it.
• 27:04
  Okay. I actually don't know how to get messages on Instagram, so I'm sorry about that. I just wanted you to know that we are out here and appreciate you and your words and yourself. I always, always, always love your podcast, but admittedly there had been a hard time listening as consistently because this summer we have retreated into a pretty extreme denial numbing escape phase because life is too much. Oh, I hear you there.
• 27:33
  I'm with you on that, Ray. We are right there with you on that. I am sure I don't have to explain that feeling to you. Our method of numbing, unfortunately, is anorexia. We were in treatment in 2015, but really thought we were recovered and then hit a pretty bad relapse.
• 27:50
  And now our therapist is concerned about having to eventually send us back to treatment. So the Annie Goldsmith episode hit hard. I was not expecting that right now. I guess I always feel like my eating disorder protects me. It definitely reduces my dissociative symptoms.
• 28:07
  It's like I'm too focused on the eating disorder to notice my parts or emotions or pretty much anything. So I felt called out, but in a way that is honestly helpful right now. I'm really looking forward to discussing some of this stuff from the episode with my therapist next week. Thank you for such a fascinating interview, and thank you to Annie for such a perceptive and insightful take on eating disorders and trauma. Also, the interview with Vivian Conan was also amazing as I am in the midst of trying to write my own memoir.
• 28:39
  Two episodes in a row were crazy applicable in my life, so I was extra excited. I bought Vivian's book and started reading it right away. Thank you for having her. Also, I hope this isn't weird and stupid to say, but I wish I knew you in real life, which is silly because I don't even see my real friends face to face, But I think it's a desire for connection with people who get it, and I suspect the separation from my internal parts is filling me with extra loneliness. It's like parts of me can feel other parts of me neglecting and abandoning them, so it's loneliness and guilt.
• 29:13
  That makes perfect sense, I think. I totally know what you're talking about, and I totally know that feeling. I can't say enough how grateful I am for you and your podcast. As I said before, you keep me believing in humanity. Please don't leave.
• 29:27
  Please don't give up ever. You make a difference. I hope you get through the holiday season safely. I know that's difficult for you, and we are thinking of you and sending you all the love we can muster. Thank you so much.
• 29:40
  That was so sweet. Seth, hi, all. We discovered your podcast earlier this year and have been listening to it practically nonstop since. It is amazing, and you all have changed our life. We have been trying to donate and write and express our appreciation for months now, but are so terrified that our abusers will find us that it's taken us a while.
• 30:06
  That's really brave of you, but also keeping yourself safe is really important, so good job doing that. We don't even know who they all were, so it feels like they might be everywhere. I get that. I really, really get that. In fact, that's something we should talk about on the podcast.
• 30:24
  We have listened up to about halfway through the episode so far. I know things were changing. So if I seem out of touch with where you're at now or anything that has changed more recently, that's why, and we apologize. But different ones of us relate to the different ones of you who have shared on the podcast, and we are thankful for each and every one of you. The combination of personal experience and guest interviews has been so helpful to us.
• 30:50
  We are floored every time we listen by how much good you all manage to do for the world on a daily basis. I think you legit need a Wonder Woman suit if you don't have one already. It blows my mind trying to imagine anyone, much less someone working through DID or serious trauma, caring for six wonderful yet intense kids, being married, working professionally, and putting out a podcast. You are incredible. We can barely manage to get dressed and make it through an hour of work on most days, so you all seriously seem like superheroes.
• 31:26
  Earlier this year, I, we, some of us, we still don't know how this works, started remembering what I was never supposed to know. And through that process, we have figured out with our therapist that we have DID. It has explained a lot about life that previously seemed unexplainable, but has been such a confusing, disorienting, incomprehensible ride of chaos. Your podcast has truly been a godsend to help us understand some of these experiences, give them language, and not feel so alone. We appreciate getting to laugh with you about the insanity of it all and the raw episodes about just how excruciatingly hard it is to have helped us know we are real.
• 32:10
  We don't know anyone else who has been through this or even can remotely relate. And sometimes listening to you all tell the truth about how heartbreaking it all is, is like a life raft. We admire and are so grateful for your honesty and realness in the midst of all the DID surrealness. Because of the brain injuries we have had, both from the abuse and after, reading and watching videos are extremely difficult and make us physically ill, and videos are also really triggering. We were so thankful to find out information in audio form.
• 32:46
  Thank you for this podcast. Our therapist is amazing and understands trauma, which we're so grateful for. She doesn't do a lot of education with us though, and I think we are her first DID client, so your podcast has been tremendously helpful. We learned so much from you all and your bravery and the information you share from your therapist like NTIS. We also shared your podcast with our therapist, and it has helped her understand some of our experiences and has helped her help us.
• 33:18
  We have three different prescriptions for our glasses too. If only insurance would cover one pair of glasses per individual in the system who needs them, or at least allow us a few pairs per year. I don't think people understand how expensive being DID can be. I was so glad to hear you got Medicaid coverage. I almost emailed you when I first started listening and you talked about being in the Medicaid gap because I thought given everything, there should be other categories of Medicaid that you qualified for.
• 33:46
  But thanks to binge listening, I found out soon thereafter you had gotten coverage. Thank goodness. I'm sorry the benefits covered in your state are so sparse, though. It makes me irate. I could rant about the injustice of that for pages.
• 34:00
  Anyways, we are so grateful for your podcast and all the good you are doing in the world. This year would have been exponentially harder for us without your podcast. Thank you. Well, that was a lot of encouragement. Thank you so much.
• 34:16
  Our friend Kim writes again, I am so super sorry you weren't safe on your own podcast. Kudos to you for pushing through, but you shouldn't have had to. You deserve to be free in your own space, which your podcast is a part of. Absolutely. I'm grateful for the friends you have who have pulled you back to life.
• 34:36
  Having good people who love you and have your back is priceless, and you deserve that and more. Kim, you are one of those people that helps pull us back to life, and we are so grateful for you. We often don't talk about our friends that we've met through the podcast besides teasing about Peter because of just privacy, and we don't want to put anyone at risk because of connection to the podcast. And not that that would happen, but it's a fear that we have and just a safety issue that we try to take care of our friends in that way. But, Kim, you are absolutely one of those people, and we are so grateful for you.
• 35:13
  Lisa says, I've just listened to Cold Rain, and I'm reaching out to let you know. The listeners give you all permission to let the podcast go. Let the podcast be personal use only if needed. But as I relisten to the episode and type this note to you for permission to self care, I can't help but notice how it appears you sort out yourself and express the need to publish your interviews for the greater good and how that helps us all heal together. And how can anyone tell you to give that up?
• 35:45
  Continue doing what feels safe and what feels right. Oh, Lisa, you're another one of those people that has really gotten us through, especially the last year, and I'm so grateful for you and we really appreciate your continued support. Nick says, I started listening to your podcast when my psychologist said she thought I was dissociating. I don't think I have DID, but my therapist believes I am somewhere at least on the OSDD spectrum rather than my current diagnosis of bipolar NOS. Finally, seeing a psychiatrist for a consult in a few weeks, So I guess we will find out then.
• 36:26
  I've been binging on your podcast through the whole time of COVID and up to overt and covert. I look for your Facebook group, but I'm guessing it's been taking down. I hope it was due to time constraints rather than people being awful, although I assume it was the latter. Anyways, I just wanted to thank you so much for all the work you put in. Your podcast has helped keep me at least somewhat on track this year.
• 36:51
  I'm doing good work in therapy and actually addressing real issues rather than just going through the motions. And I believe your podcast has been the main driver for this. You are so strong, and I hope to one day in the not too distant future be able to achieve life and even half as much the way you do. You are an inspiration. PS, Sasha's laugh is my happy place.
• 37:16
  Oh, I think we have all missed laughter this year for sure, But thank you for the encouragement, and I am glad that you've gotten good help and good therapists. And I know that that really makes all the difference in the world. Meg says, we've been listening to your podcast for the last seventy two hours and can't get enough of it. We have an artist inside and loves to listen to podcasts while we watercolor. We were fascinated that we don't live too far from one another.
• 37:51
  And we are originally from Oklahoma, but we were transplanted here by our husband's work. We've yet to seek a counselor in the area new to us here, but we found what you recommended isstd.org and will begin searching for a counselor that accepts our insurance through that website. I'm glad to know where to get safe help that will know how to work with us. All this to say, we have so much to say as if we already know you, but for now we'd like to send you a virtual hug and remind you all how incredibly courageous and brave your system is to be where you are today, this very moment. Continue to take good care of yourselves.
• 38:32
  Well, thank you, Meg. I'm glad that you found ISSTD online and are able to find a therapist that way. It's really helpful and saves about two dozen interviews with therapists that don't know what they're doing. So well done. Lisa says, I just listened to geometry.
• 38:52
  That was some tricky math. Once again, you have given me words and a better understanding of my own experience, and I never realized I could take the tools I have today with me as I travel back in time. Thank you again. You have blown my mind. Oh, Lisa, I'm glad it's helpful because it sounded just this side of crazy, and that was a difficult season in our life.
• 39:17
  And so I'm glad that there was something good that came out of it. Thank you for that encouragement. For those who feel safer knowing what's coming up, we have the interviews for 2021 completed and scheduled for posting automatically. Those interviews include with John O'Neill, Joanna Silberg, Heather Hall, Mary Anne Kate, Martha Strauss, Michael Salter, Lisa Danilchuk, Jillian Hosey, Richard Clough, Joan Turcas, Jackie Burke, and others. So if nothing else, at least you have those coming for sure.
• 39:59
  And if and as we are ready and able, we'll continue sharing our own journey as well. Thank you for your continued support, and we appreciate your listening through this very difficult year that was so hard on so many in many, many ways with the pandemic and the protests and the politics that unfolded this year. And we hope that learning to sit with the difficult and conflicting pieces of things sometimes will help lead us into the next year as we try to focus on how to hold those truths while also seeking healing and an authentic positivity, which isn't really possible until you first weed out what's toxic. And that has been a difficult, difficult experience this year, but I am hopeful for what is coming next, and sometimes having hope is everything. Thank you so much.
• 41:18
  Thank you for listening. Your support of the podcast, the workbooks, and the community means so much to us as we try to create something together that's never been done before, not like this. Connection brings healing, and you can join us on the community at www.systemsspeak.com. We'll see you there.