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I Lost the Chance to Have Children — Then Jamaica Became My Life · Babes, how did you get here

• 0:00
  Welcome to A Life Elsewhere.
• 0:02
  We go beyond the glossy highlights to hear real stories from extraordinary people who live abroad.
• 0:08
  I am April Jackson, and I'm so excited to speak with someone who has literally changed the lives of young people living in some of Jamaica's most dangerous inner city communities.
• 0:17
  Farnoosh Drudga is the executive director of Lead Outreach Initiative.
• 0:22
  She was born in Iran, raised in Dubai, moved to Kingston from Toronto.
• 0:27
  But she's not just talking about change, she is living it where it really matters.
• 0:32
  In this episode, we talk about how serving others can actually serve ourselves by giving us purpose and perspective.
• 0:38
  Farnoosh, tell me how you came to Jamaica.
• 0:43
  Well, I went back to school for early childhood education and I met my professor who was running volunteer trips down to Jamaica.
• 0:54
  I always wanted to volunteer.
• 0:55
  I always wanted to do so many things when I was younger, when my parents were always scared.
• 0:58
  And, you know, this will happen to you, that'll happen to you.
• 1:01
  Don't go, don't go away.
• 1:03
  So when I met my professor, she, part of the course was to do placements.
• 1:10
  Okay.
• 1:11
  And so we came to Jamaica for two weeks.
• 1:14
  And you're in college at this place?
• 1:15
  Yes.
• 1:15
  Where are you?
• 1:16
  In Toronto.
• 1:17
  In Toronto.
• 1:18
  Okay, cool.
• 1:18
  And she became my mentor, just with that one class and the one trip.
• 1:24
  And I came down here for two weeks and we ran after school programs and we did things with the kids at Muschietseed Communities and Riverton, the school, basic school in Riverton.
• 1:35
  And it just, that was it.
• 1:37
  I fell in love with the kids.
• 1:39
  We just took that one trip.
• 1:41
  So you say that one trip for two weeks, you go back to Canada.
• 1:44
  And then finish the course, finish the program, graduate.
• 1:50
  And I just kept coming back with her.
• 1:51
  So her trips were twice a year.
• 1:53
  I started leading the trips with her.
• 1:54
  So we'd bring volunteers down.
• 1:57
  Do the same kind of programs to every two weeks.
• 1:59
  Sorry, twice a year for two weeks.
• 2:01
  Yep.
• 2:03
  And then she got sick and she passed away in 2012.
• 2:06
  So I wanted to continue her vision and the mission.
• 2:10
  And I kept coming back.
• 2:11
  Oh wow.
• 2:12
  I brought volunteers with me and then kept coming regardless of how many we had.
• 2:18
  We started with groups of 30 and then with groups of, effectively with groups of 10.
• 2:24
  And we were busy the whole two.
• 2:26
  Was there a key moment that you were like, actually, I should just move rather than keep
• 2:31
  Yeah.
• 2:32
  So I it was in 2016 and I had just had a hysterectomy and I knew that that at that moment, a lot of things changed in my life.
• 2:48
  Sure.
• 2:49
  Obviously, I had a great support system at home family.
• 2:51
  Yeah.
• 2:53
  which I'm so grateful for, for that.
• 2:55
  But I knew, I felt something was taken from me.
• 2:59
  I couldn't have my own children.
• 3:01
  And I knew that all of these years before that, I was around kids that really gave me that sense of purpose, that sense of, that feeling of motherhood, that feeling of, you know,
• 3:15
  And then I, to me that at that moment, I was like, why am I here?
• 3:18
  Okay.
• 3:19
  Why shouldn't I be with the kids that make me feel like I have something, a sense of purpose in life?
• 3:29
  So that's, that was the moment.
• 3:31
  2016 after the surgery, I healed and then I came here.
• 3:35
  And your family, are they living in Canada?
• 3:37
  Yes, they are.
• 3:38
  Okay.
• 3:38
  And you also lived in Dubai?
• 3:40
  I did.
• 3:41
  I grew up in Dubai.
• 3:41
  So I was born in Iran.
• 3:43
  And then I was born in the war.
• 3:45
  So moved to Dubai.
• 3:46
  I think I was just under two.
• 3:49
  And I grew up there with family, cousins, everybody.
• 3:54
  Life then was great.
• 3:55
  And it's funny because volunteering, I think there's almost an industry for like volunteer tourism.
• 4:01
  Voluntourism.
• 4:02
  Oh, voluntourism.
• 4:03
  Excuse me.
• 4:04
  Terrible.
• 4:04
  And it feels a little bit cringe to me.
• 4:07
  You know, I've been to school abroad and you hear of people and they're really proud about the fact that they helped build a water well or something.
• 4:16
  But it's almost as if it's a them thing.
• 4:19
  Even the way they tell you about it, it's never really about the people that they're serving.
• 4:24
  And there's also, I find it quite disingenuous when people talk about serving people as though it's completely like philanthropic.
• 4:32
  And I always say to people,
• 4:34
  that when you do any sort of community service, it is just about as much helping people, but also you help yourself.
• 4:41
  So like from my perspective, I used to work with Glen Hope before it burned out.
• 4:45
  This is many, many years ago, and that was a remand center.
• 4:48
  So the girls were usually there in between finding out what was going to happen at court, if they were going to go to a juvenile facility or were they going to be returned to their community.
• 4:57
  And for a lot of these girls, you know, a stepdad may have raped them and the mother has sent them there.
• 5:02
  And you can imagine like the layers.
• 5:04
  And I was inspired by a movie and I was like, okay, I'm going to go every Sunday.
• 5:07
  And I'd have, we'd start sometimes with reading or we would do some writing, like just something that was academically inclined.
• 5:14
  Right.
• 5:14
  But then my thing after that, that would be like an hour and a half.
• 5:17
  And then my rule after that was whoever wanted to talk
• 5:20
  You just line up and you talk, right?
• 5:22
  Because unfortunately, a lot of the house mothers, I guess you would have that relationship.
• 5:26
  But also they are toxic, like a lot of the time.
• 5:29
  And again, I'm not blaming them.
• 5:30
  They're just a product of their own environment.
• 5:33
  But like girls would confide maybe in an auntie.
• 5:36
  And then all of a sudden her business is out into the home and that would cause arguments.
• 5:40
  And I felt that just speaking would kind of help.
• 5:44
  And I'd be there for like four and a half, five hours.
• 5:46
  And again, people would say to me, oh, what you're doing is so great.
• 5:48
  I'd be like, well, hold on.
• 5:50
  My mother left me.
• 5:51
  And I only started speaking about that with these girls because that was the way we kind of related.
• 5:57
  And 100%, I would not have been able to deal with my own trauma.
• 6:02
  If it wasn't for them.
• 6:03
  If it wasn't for them.
• 6:03
  And I tell people all the time, yes, I was there to help.
• 6:06
  And that may have been how it started.
• 6:09
  But it would be a lie to not let you also know that there was a huge part of them healing my own.
• 6:15
  And I wondered if, do you think, had you not had your experience of your hysterectomy, would you have felt as compelled to be here and what the kids did?
• 6:27
  Yeah, I think what I related, so when I first started coming, I had struggled with endometriosis for years before it, and surgery after surgery each year.
• 6:39
  And the first year I actually started volunteering, I think it was probably a year and a half after my first surgery.
• 6:45
  Okay.
• 6:47
  And then it just kept happening.
• 6:49
  So while I was coming down, I was still having surgery.
• 6:52
  I'm too serious.
• 6:53
  So every time I would have surgery, I would heal.
• 6:55
  I'm like, okay, I'm going.
• 6:57
  And it was a motivation for me.
• 6:58
  And if it wasn't, I feel like I would have gone straight down into depression.
• 7:03
  It's really the only thing that pulled me out.
• 7:05
  The kids seeing, I don't want to call it struggles because we're all struggling with so many things, but seeing them not have a choice.
• 7:16
  So that was kind of the... Did you always have this level of consciousness?
• 7:20
  Always.
• 7:20
  Where do you think it came from?
• 7:22
  My mom.
• 7:23
  Okay.
• 7:24
  Growing up, she was always, just watching her be who she was, she was selfless.
• 7:31
  She gave everything she had to shirt off her back.
• 7:33
  And, um,
• 7:36
  But everything that we experienced growing up was, you know, you can't have this or that because maybe they could have afforded it at that point.
• 7:44
  But it was I appreciate them not making us feel like we can have everything we want.
• 7:51
  And I and I really appreciate that because I still remember like I was six or seven years old, went into like a toy store and I wanted this like motorized car to get into.
• 8:00
  I mean, I love driving from when I was that.
• 8:02
  I wanted to drive from when I was young, but.
• 8:04
  I wanted to, and everybody's like, you're not going for the Barbies and the dolls, you're going for the cars.
• 8:09
  So I wanted to get in one of those, and they're like, nope, you can't.
• 8:12
  And then we just, we would walk in, walk back out, we would window shop everywhere we went.
• 8:16
  And I, yeah, so those values that she instilled in me, I don't think I could ever, I can't live my life any other way.
• 8:25
  Yeah.
• 8:26
  What do you think is the most common misconception about living in Jamaica?
• 8:33
  So for me, it was always like, oh, you're moving to Jamaica.
• 8:37
  You're so lucky.
• 8:38
  You'll get to go to the beach.
• 8:40
  OK. Every day you're by the beach.
• 8:42
  You'll get to relax.
• 8:43
  You'll get to this.
• 8:44
  I'm like, you need persons that come to Jamaica for vacation.
• 8:48
  For years, I didn't go near a resort.
• 8:50
  OK. For that reason, because I'm like, I'm not here for that.
• 8:53
  For sure.
• 8:55
  The first time I think I went was when my parents came and we went away for the weekend.
• 9:00
  And I was still reluctant.
• 9:01
  I'm like, I don't want to give in to this.
• 9:03
  But so places like Portland or like, you know, Negril, like the small little boutique hotels.
• 9:09
  And like, I love that over the big resorts.
• 9:11
  But the misconception of, yeah, your white savior complex one, you know, you're coming here to save
• 9:21
  society in jamaican society no that's not it at all um like what i take away from the kids and the the families and everybody i work with is way more than anything that i ever feel like i could have or have done for them um but yeah when you speak there's i almost get like a sense of protection or do you feel that way do you feel me being protective over them yeah 100 yeah
• 9:45
  Yeah.
• 9:46
  So when I started to, I would, in the summer, I would take some of the kids to Devon House.
• 9:52
  Okay.
• 9:52
  And so the main Devon House built.
• 9:55
  And years ago, it wasn't the same as, like, you would, so, be careful in saying this.
• 10:05
  persons coming from different communities, inner city communities, when they come, when they go to places like Devon House or, you know, Uptown, they're not welcome the same way.
• 10:18
  So the first time I took them by, not for class, Jamaican, and tourists and anybody, they just, I guess it's,
• 10:27
  if they don't dress a certain way.
• 10:28
  But for your child, the blessing is when they're super young, they don't see it.
• 10:32
  And as they grow up, I feel that a part of the reason why, for example, I can go into any space is growing up here, right?
• 10:39
  Growing up in Jamaica, in uptown Jamaica, where you have access to everybody, kind of gave me like a blind thing of I can be with anyone anywhere in the world.
• 10:48
  Exactly.
• 10:48
  And if you keep your child, regardless of your background, if you keep them from certain spaces, and it could start out as protection.
• 10:55
  You don't want anyone to shun them.
• 10:57
  You don't want anyone to treat them in a particular way.
• 10:59
  But it's like those initial teething pains of stepping out into those uncomfortable spaces for you, I think is really underestimated what that does for your child when they're older.
• 11:09
  Because there's nowhere that I feel like I can't go.
• 11:12
  Even if somebody else wants to make me feel, I'm not, I can be here.
• 11:15
  And I think it comes from that.
• 11:16
  And it's really interesting that you were able to have that awareness and kind of change even the way you went into those spaces.
• 11:25
  I tell people all the time, Jamaica is super classist.
• 11:26
  Oh, for sure.
• 11:27
  For superclasses.
• 11:28
  Yeah.
• 11:29
  I guess in my mind, to be honest, I'd rather the classism over the racism because there's a little bit more movement, right?
• 11:34
  Like as you spoke to about clothing or for us, it might be language.
• 11:39
  The fact that some people will speak Pato, but then they know how to switch into proper English depending on their environment.
• 11:45
  And yet a child who perhaps hasn't been trained to code switch in that way is at a disadvantage because immediately people will say, or they'll ask where you live.
• 11:53
  And then that's kind of the thing.
• 11:55
  And I'm not saying that classism is right.
• 11:57
  I'm just saying it provides for a little bit more mobility than racism.
• 12:01
  Coming from the UK, I can definitely speak to that.
• 12:04
  For sure.
• 12:04
  But yeah, how do we as a society get better?
• 12:08
  Or do we just have to appreciate that human beings seem to always want a way to create divisions?
• 12:15
  And do we just accept that it could be a worse kind of division?
• 12:18
  Like how do...
• 12:20
  I was thinking, when I met Miss Israel, they all do army, they all have to do service in the army, right?
• 12:27
  Whoever you are.
• 12:28
  This lady was so little and fine and pretty.
• 12:31
  I said, what are you doing?
• 12:31
  You mean you're trained in the army?
• 12:33
  And I thought that perhaps that could be a thing because then if everybody, regardless of class,
• 12:38
  had to be in the army.
• 12:39
  Obviously you get the discipline and for like younger inner city kids, they might benefit from that more, but it also means that you're rubbing shoulder to shoulder with uptown people, then perhaps that could be a way to help kind of bring the classes together.
• 12:53
  Yeah, I mean, I know there's a lot of countries that do that, that everybody has to have that training.
• 12:59
  I don't know if Jamaica is there yet in that sense, but I think it's important.
• 13:04
  I see the difference in some of the kids that do go into training, into the force, and I think it is a...
• 13:12
  is a good avenue to get them out of their environment um to not be idle to not get into certain you know things that they they would if they were just sure at home um but yeah i think one acceptance is always it's it's hard but accepting that there's always going to be something yeah that um
• 13:40
  good and evil, right?
• 13:41
  And I think, for me, it's like surrounding myself more with persons that want to see change, that want the good in the world, that, you know, and then just kind of, in my mind, is like building that army of persons that will do more good.
• 14:01
  Sure.
• 14:02
  It's hard to kind of just assume that, yeah.
• 14:04
  We just have to accept people are full of shit sometimes.
• 14:07
  In a nutshell.
• 14:08
  Yeah, in a nutshell.
• 14:09
  You said it publicly.
• 14:10
  Yeah.
• 14:11
  And stepping away from the work that you do and just living, right, your day to day, did you find it challenging, like, getting into Jamaican culture, meeting new people?
• 14:21
  So, because I started...
• 14:24
  Then I came as a volunteer, as the years, and, you know, built friendships and relationships with people at the homes.
• 14:32
  So one of my best friends, I work with her.
• 14:35
  I met her when she was the administrator of one of the homes, Mustard Seed.
• 14:40
  No, I mean, if it wasn't for her and I call my mustard seed family, like if it wasn't for them, like my move would have been a lot harder.
• 14:49
  Okay.
• 14:50
  They're kind of like my second family, my backbone.
• 14:52
  Sure.
• 14:53
  So yeah, that part was, if it wasn't for them, it would have been harder.
• 14:59
  Is there anything culturally that stuck out to you in terms of just way of life coming from a Canadian perspective that was very different here in Jamaica?
• 15:09
  So a lot of things actually are similar to like way of life in Dubai.
• 15:14
  Okay.
• 15:14
  In Iran for me.
• 15:15
  Okay.
• 15:16
  How families are, Sunday dinners, you know.
• 15:20
  So yes, I wasn't used to it in Canada.
• 15:21
  Sure.
• 15:22
  Canada, you're just like on the go.
• 15:23
  Yes.
• 15:25
  You know, here there is on the go, but there's a lot more importance placed on like...
• 15:30
  you know, take it easy.
• 15:31
  Like, have a moment for yourself, you know, Sundays, you know, you go to church, you're home, you're cooking dinner, you're whatnot.
• 15:39
  So I still I can't sit still.
• 15:41
  So I'm not one to speak.
• 15:42
  I work on the weekends.
• 15:43
  So, but you like the idea that it's happening around me.
• 15:49
  Great.
• 15:50
  Yeah.
• 15:51
  Oh, that's funny.
• 15:52
  And then is there anything food wise that you really missed when you moved?
• 15:57
  A lot of things like for me,
• 16:01
  Yes, it's still available in supermarkets.
• 16:03
  You can get berries and you can get, you know, all the things.
• 16:06
  But I'm not going to spend that kind of money on berries because I just think it's wrong.
• 16:12
  You know, there's certain little things that I was used to.
• 16:14
  Yeah, like certain fruits and, you know, always having, oh, always having access to limes and lemons.
• 16:21
  And here it's all seasonal.
• 16:22
  The limes are really small.
• 16:23
  They're small, but it's seasonal.
• 16:24
  So when I are like avocado pear, like for me, it's like I can't have it all year long.
• 16:30
  What?
• 16:30
  So that was the first like shock for me.
• 16:32
  And I had the opposite.
• 16:33
  When I see it available all the time, I'm like, why?
• 16:36
  Yeah.
• 16:37
  Well, I grew up with it being available all the time.
• 16:41
  Because in Dubai, everything was brought from everywhere.
• 16:43
  And then in Canada, everything was brought from everywhere.
• 16:45
  And then I'm like, what?
• 16:46
  But I love.
• 16:47
  I actually love the seasonal aspect of it of like, oh, it's mango season.
• 16:52
  Oh, it's lime season.
• 16:53
  Oh, you know, because you know you're getting something real.
• 16:55
  100%.
• 16:56
  Yeah.
• 16:57
  I have some quick fire questions for you.
• 16:59
  Tasty or juicy pate?
• 17:00
  Oh, I'm not a pate person.
• 17:02
  You really don't like pate?
• 17:03
  I do.
• 17:04
  It just keeps me heartburned.
• 17:06
  So I will eat it.
• 17:08
  I love, I used to, I think maybe I eat it too.
• 17:10
  I eat too much.
• 17:11
  Too many.
• 17:12
  That's how I feel about chicken foot soup.
• 17:13
  My health piece always made chicken foot soup and I loved it.
• 17:15
  And then one day I looked at the soup and I was like, it just looks like baby hands bobbing up in,
• 17:21
  In the bowl?
• 17:22
  My experience with chicken foot soup was my first, well, probably my first trip.
• 17:26
  I was in Riverton and you know, they, as a thing at the end of our two weeks, they did lunch and stuff for us as a, you know, to thank everybody and have a, had a little party.
• 17:35
  And they're like, oh, here's a cup of soup.
• 17:36
  I'm like, oh, thank you.
• 17:37
  So I'm drinking it, not even with a spoon.
• 17:39
  So I'm drinking it.
• 17:40
  And then I see, I see the chicken foot come up.
• 17:44
  I'm like, oh my goodness.
• 17:45
  I didn't know.
• 17:46
  I've never had chicken food, so I was like, I just pushed it to the side and I still drank it, because I don't want to be rude.
• 17:52
  But I'm like, I can't with the feet.
• 17:54
  I just can't, just seeing it.
• 17:56
  No, I'm with you.
• 17:57
  No, I just ask for the water, no.
• 17:59
  Yeah, I'll drink the soup, but yeah.
• 18:01
  Yeah.
• 18:03
  Do you prefer Julie or East Indian?
• 18:04
  You said mangoes.
• 18:06
  Ah.
• 18:07
  East Indian.
• 18:08
  Really, why?
• 18:09
  I like Julie, I don't know, to be honest,
• 18:14
  I can't choose.
• 18:15
  No, I like both.
• 18:16
  Julie and East Indian.
• 18:17
  My dad loves East Indian, but I don't like the hair.
• 18:20
  Julie has hair, too.
• 18:21
  No, it doesn't.
• 18:22
  It still does.
• 18:23
  They both still do.
• 18:25
  Maybe not as much.
• 18:27
  Curry goat or oxtail?
• 18:29
  Oxtail.
• 18:30
  Red stripe or rum?
• 18:32
  from cane juice or coconut water?
• 18:36
  Coconut water.
• 18:37
  Very cool.
• 18:38
  I wanted to ask, when you started to go to Riverton, was there any fear?
• 18:43
  Because the average person coming from Calder would be scared.
• 18:50
  I was not scared.
• 18:51
  Why?
• 18:51
  I think because we went as a group to the minute I, well actually my first trip I couldn't under, I wasn't, I'd never been exposed to Patois so I was like why it's happening.
• 19:04
  I was like, I was like I need to understand, so the kids were talking and I'm like I'm trying, so that first trip we were setting up a library, we were cleaning out a space and putting up shelves and bringing things out and painting and whatnot.
• 19:15
  And the kids were helping me and coming in with us.
• 19:18
  And that forced me to understand it.
• 19:20
  Sure.
• 19:20
  You know, someone's talking about someone picking and I'm like, who's a what?
• 19:23
  A what?
• 19:25
  So, yeah, it just I felt safe right away.
• 19:29
  I mean, we drove in, we drove through the community and then we drove into the school, like the fenced area.
• 19:34
  Sure.
• 19:35
  And they closed the fence, not in my mind of like, you know, anything.
• 19:38
  But I think bad things can happen to you anywhere.
• 19:42
  You just.
• 19:45
  don't put yourself in situations that you know, like I wouldn't go out there at night.
• 19:50
  Sure.
• 19:51
  Really anywhere really that I know that could be unsafe.
• 19:57
  Sure.
• 19:58
  If your life was a postcard, what would it look like?
• 20:01
  Ooh, it would be me and probably 100 kids at the beach.
• 20:07
  Very sure.
• 20:09
  The beach, the kids.
• 20:11
  Yeah, that's all I need.
• 20:12
  Yeah.
• 20:13
  Thank you.
• 20:14
  You're welcome.
• 20:15
  Thank you.