Latest / The Family Teams Podcast / Ep. 119 | Your Spouse Is a Gift from the Lord

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Ep. 119 | Your Spouse Is a Gift from the Lord · The Family Teams Podcast

• 0:00
  What's up, 5-Minute Fatherhood listeners? Have you guys seen that Family Team's Weekend Live is officially open? You can register. You can claim your spot. A two-day event, Cincinnati, Ohio, October 18th and 19th this year. We're going to pack 250 couples in a Memorial Hall historic theater downtown where we're going to lean in, roll up our sleeves, and we're going to be able to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a chance to get a
• 0:20
  and have a workshop about building a multi-generational family team on mission. You're gonna get practical tips, you're gonna get practical tools, you're gonna leave with a family blueprint and manual, and officially you're also going to be not alone and realize there's other people who want to do the same thing as you. We want you guys there, it's selling out fast, so make sure to go to familyteams.com slash weekend to register and claim your spot. And there's also a special little discount code if you're part of our Facebook group, which you can find a link to that.
• 0:48
  in the info section on audio or the info section on the YouTube channel. So again, familyteams.com slash weekend. It's selling out fast. Claim your spot. We'd love to see you there. I have no idea what it's like to be married to other women. I don't care. I know what it was like to be alone and it sucked.
• 1:10
  Hey guys, welcome to the 5-Minute Fatherhood Podcast. I'm your co-host, Jeff Beth Key, along with my friend and mentor, Jeremy Pryor. Join us Monday through Friday as we chat about quick tips, skills, and ways to help equip you on your journey as a father to build your multi-generational family team on mission. Stay tuned.
• 1:31
  Hey guys, welcome to The 5 Minute Father with Jeff and Jeremy. I wanna talk a little bit about what do you do when you are beginning to look around at other women and you're beginning to get frustrated with your relationship with your wife. There's a moment in most marriages where men begin to compare their wives with other women and they begin to dream, think about, maybe you're in a hard season with your wife
• 1:57
  And so you're beginning to think about, oh, did I make a mistake? Or, you know, maybe my life would be so much better if I was with her instead of my wife. I just want to get really real with you guys. There's a proverb that, for me, has really helped just change the whole frame of that line of thinking and not really give that space to the enemy. And it's in Proverbs 19.14, and it says, "'Houses and wealth are inherited from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord.'"
• 2:24
  There's a bunch of Proverbs that say this. There's a bunch of verses in the Bible that talk about this. But this is the frame, you guys. What the Bible really teaches is that wives are a gift to men from the Lord. This is all the way back from the beginning with Adam and Eve. God looked at Adam and said, oh, you poor guy. You need help. Let me make a wife for you. And so he gave, he crafted Eve and gave Adam the gift of his wife.
• 2:50
  Now, the way that I think of this is this is a little bit different than I think the way we generally think is that we encounter the world as men who are looking for a wife. We're like, oh, there's thousands of options and I got to pick one and we pick one and we get married. And and then we're like, oh, did I pick the right one? You know, and so the way that we frame this conversation always within our own heart is did I make the right choice?
• 3:11
  And that kind of framing is going to potentially lead, particularly in hard seasons with your wife, to endless questions about, maybe I made a bad decision. And that's a huge burden to put on your heart and to put on your marriage. I think that that's actually giving into a lie. This is the truth, I think, you guys. The truth is...
• 3:35
  The wife that you have right now is a gift from the Lord, and you should not compare her to the thousands of other women that you might have chosen. You should compare her to being alone. You should compare her as if there was no one else in the world. Once you're married, you should think about it this way. Whoever you marry, that is a gift from the Lord. The Lord said, oh, you were alone, you know, Bill, Bob, Jim. Like, I want to give you a gift. I love you. I don't want you to be alone. I'm going to give you a wife. Yeah.
• 4:06
  If you think about, so if you were to take a step back and think about compare having your wife and your relationship with her and all of the blessings and goodness she brings into your life. Do not compare her to some other woman. Compare her to you being alone, as if you had no one else, because that's the state you were in when the Lord gave you this gift.
• 4:26
  And if you really believe that, if you really believe what this proverb says, which is that it says that a prudent wife is from the Lord, then you will constantly feel a well of gratitude spring up in your heart, even through hard seasons. Because I think, you guys, that it is absolutely unquestionably true that I am so much better off being with April than being alone.
• 4:51
  I'm so glad that God has given me her as a wife. And I'm not saying that in a way to compare to other women, because I have no idea what it's like to be married to other women. I don't care. I know what it was like to be alone, and it sucked. I was horrible as a person alone. Like, I was a miserable person. I lacked self-control. I was very lonely. And so for me, whatever challenges we meet in our married life, in our family life, I feel...
• 5:20
  unbelievably blessed from the Lord that he gave me the gift of a wife. And so I just, I think it's, that's been super helpful because this comparison game is cancerous. And if it starts to well up in your heart, you're not only doing something that could violate your marriage and your family in the future, but you're doing something that is really not true. According to scripture, you're saying God could give me that gift and that gift and that gift, but God didn't give you those gifts. God gave you your wife.
• 5:48
  And he didn't want you to be alone. He loved you enough to say, I don't want you to live your life alone. You need to have that person in your life. So this frame for me, just really believing it and just preaching the truth of it to your own heart of what this verse is saying, what the Bible says from the beginning to end, that wives are not something that we deserve. They're not something that we earned. They are a gift from the Lord. What are your thoughts about this, Jeff?
• 6:13
  Yeah, I agree. And this is huge because it really is the battle, which is actually the scriptural battle of all spiritual formation, the battle versus entitlement and thankfulness, right? Yes. That if you believe you're entitled to something, then you will nitpick it through a filter of judging it or that you deserved it or that it's good enough or whatever. And that is just horrible. It's corrosive. It's acidic.
• 6:32
  And it can do that. It'll do that. All those things, it'll do that to your marriage. It'll corrode the marital intimacy. Or you can, in God's design, it's thankfulness, right? Thankfulness for a gift. When you get a gift, you're thankful. When you think you earned it, you're not thankful because you think you earned it, right? But God wants us to be thankful for the gift of marriage, for the gift of a spouse, for the gift of a wife. And like you said, Jeremy, I think, yeah, it totally...
• 6:57
  Once you start seeing that, like, I know at least in our marriage, man, I wouldn't be the half the man I am today. I wouldn't be half of even like the things I'm really proud of in regards to integrity or character, hopefully, and all these things. If I wasn't actually married to Alyssa because she in a weird way pushes me there. It's like she forms me in that direction. And I was, yeah, like you said, I had way less self-control. I was way less formed. I was way less. I just wasn't. Yeah, I wasn't.
• 7:19
  I wasn't the best version of myself in Jesus until I got married. Now, of course, that's different if you're single and et cetera. We're not saying that you can't be the best version of yourself unless you're married. We're not saying that at all. But when God puts you in that context, I do think that he had that design for you. He had that idea and that call in your life. And then it takes you in a certain direction. And then one last thing I'll say, too, is...
• 7:39
  This is huge, guys, because I think there's two different ways this plays out. There's one way this plays out in the more just like normal way when you see other wives and other marriages and then resentment starts to build up and you start to measure and do all these things that's really corrosive to your own heart. That one's bad. But I also think we have to have the conversation about even pornography because then I think there's also this really corrosive idea in...
• 8:01
  fatherhood or among men that you start then comparing. Because I think over here, you compare your wife to wives. And then in the pornography side and lust and all those things, I think you compare your wife to women, right? Does that make sense? Like this weird ideal version and this fake version, this evil version that's in the pornographic industry. And that's just as corrosive. So there's kind of these two roads. And just guys, I want to let you hear us that if there's
• 8:31
  You have to claw absolutely as hard as you possibly can out of that with professional help, with counseling, with church help, with accountability, whatever it is. Yeah, you can come in, buddy. This is the last episode. But can we just be a little quiet? I got to finish this, okay? You want to come sit up here?
• 8:47
  Okay. And so, and then the one last thing I'll say too, is what Jeremy said is, oh, he's naked. So I have a naked butt sitting on me. That's good to know. Okay. This is five and a fatherhood right here. One thing I'll say too, is that, can you say hi to uncle Jeremy? Okay.
• 9:02
  One thing I'll say too, is that Genesis, like you said, Eve wasn't just Eve to Adam. Eve was woman to Adam. Right. So Eve was the very standard of like, like Eve represented womanhood to Adam. Eve didn't just represent Eve, if that makes sense. And so we have to let our wives be that same standard of beauty and standard of womanhood.
• 9:24
  because he had nothing else to compare it to. So she represented the entire genre of womanhood. Can you say that about your wife, that God has actually called you and your wife together and that she is the standard of beauty? She's the standard of womanhood? I know, because I'm wearing a little earpiece, so you can't hear, only I can hear him. But that's what I would say for that one is, can you say the wife is the standard of beauty? So we got to get going. I think this guy wants something, but we love you guys. This is a fun episode.
• 9:53
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