Latest / The Scorpion by Anna Elisabet Weirauch. / 03 - The Scorpion.
Transcript
- 0:00Speaker 1: One evening, the girls were again sitting together in the twilight,
- 0:04Speaker 1: because they could chat better that way than in the
- 0:06Speaker 1: glaring lamplight. There came a shrill ring of the bell,
- 0:09Speaker 1: and a few moments later those deep, vibrant tones that
- 0:12Speaker 1: sent a thrill of terror into Myra's very heart sounding
- 0:15Speaker 1: from the next room. She knew that voice perfectly, but
- 0:19Speaker 1: she was afraid she might be mistaken. She wanted to ask,
- 0:23Speaker 1: isn't that Olga? But was afraid of receiving the answer no,
- 0:27Speaker 1: and more than all else, she was afraid that that
- 0:29Speaker 1: conversation in the next room might stop, that the door
- 0:32Speaker 1: might open and she would hear too late. Olga just
- 0:35Speaker 1: dropped in for a moment. But the voices did not stop.
- 0:39Speaker 1: They grew louder, drew nearer, the door was thrown wide
- 0:42Speaker 1: open of a sudden, and in the frame stood the
- 0:45Speaker 1: tall apparition of Olga Rado, in bold relief against the
- 0:48Speaker 1: yellow light flooding the next room. like a silhouette on
- 0:52Speaker 1: a golden background. Do you want to have tea with
- 0:55Speaker 1: me tomorrow, children? She called into the dark room. Somebody
- 0:59Speaker 1: has just sent me some Kugler's confections. The Mobius girls
- 1:03Speaker 1: shouted for joy. Emmy pushed forward a chair and wanted
- 1:07Speaker 1: Olga to sit down, but she declined and did not
- 1:10Speaker 1: take her hand from the doorknob. No, no, children, I
- 1:13Speaker 1: haven't a moment's time. But be there promptly tomorrow at
- 1:17Speaker 1: four or half past at the latest, I have to
- 1:20Speaker 1: go to the opera in the evening. Myra did not move.
- 1:24Speaker 1: When the door opened she had uttered a semi-audible good evening.
- 1:28Speaker 1: Now it seemed obtrusive to call attention to herself. Perhaps
- 1:32Speaker 1: Olga had not even seen her in her dark corner.
- 1:35Speaker 1: Perhaps too she did not want to see her. It
- 1:38Speaker 1: would have been understandable. But something hurt her at the thought.
- 1:42Speaker 1: Won't you come too, Miss Rudloff? If you have nothing
- 1:46Speaker 1: better in the offing, you are heartily welcome. I should
- 1:50Speaker 1: love to, said Myra, and went pale with pleasure. Olga
- 1:54Speaker 1: received her guests with what appeared to be cordial and
- 1:56Speaker 1: genuine pleasure. It seemed inconceivable to Myra that this woman
- 2:01Speaker 1: should not wrap herself in cold hauteur as in a
- 2:04Speaker 1: coat of mail. The girls could not restrain their amusement
- 2:07Speaker 1: at the ingenious darkness. Yes, said Olga. I wanted to
- 2:12Speaker 1: present my cubbyhole in the best light. And the best
- 2:15Speaker 1: light is the least light possible. Myra was urged to
- 2:19Speaker 1: sit in a deep easy chair. Yes, you must make
- 2:22Speaker 1: yourself at home with us. After all, you are our
- 2:25Speaker 1: guest of honor. You are the oldest. You are probably
- 2:29Speaker 1: still proud of the fact, but when you are as
- 2:32Speaker 1: old as I am, it ceases to be a compliment.
- 2:35Speaker 1: In all her life, Myra had never felt as much
- 2:38Speaker 1: at home as in the easy chair. In front of her,
- 2:41Speaker 1: Olga was crouched on a low tabaret. The inevitable cigarette
- 2:45Speaker 1: was already between her fingers, and she clamped it in
- 2:48Speaker 1: her teeth whenever she needed her hands free to pour
- 2:51Speaker 1: tea or pass the cake. When a lull occurred in
- 2:54Speaker 1: the conversation, she brought out a box of photographs she
- 2:57Speaker 1: had taken on various trips, or a book with Duloc illustrations,
- 3:01Speaker 1: or a magazine with pictures of the latest screen stars.
- 3:05Speaker 1: Again Myra was conscious of a feeling of pain. It
- 3:08Speaker 1: was all she could do to answer yes or no
- 3:10Speaker 1: to the conversation. She is making such a dreadful effort
- 3:14Speaker 1: to entertain us, she thought. but in reality we're a
- 3:18Speaker 1: bore and a burden to her. As soon as the
- 3:21Speaker 1: door has closed behind us, she'll draw a long breath
- 3:24Speaker 1: and say, Thank God! I can hardly blame her. But
- 3:28Speaker 1: why did she ever invite us? She had the greatest
- 3:32Speaker 1: desire to go, simply to free Olga Rado from this visitation.
- 3:36Speaker 1: At the same time, she felt that if she tried
- 3:39Speaker 1: to break away with some excuse or other, and they
- 3:42Speaker 1: questioned her and pleaded with her, and all their attention
- 3:45Speaker 1: was focused on her, she would be unable to keep
- 3:48Speaker 1: back the tears which were even now threatening and smarting.
- 3:51Speaker 1: She was almost glad and yet deeply unhappy when Olga
- 3:54Speaker 1: suddenly glanced at her watch and said, I'll have to
- 3:58Speaker 1: throw you out children sorry as it makes me. I
- 4:01Speaker 1: have to dress quickly as possible. The time passed so
- 4:04Speaker 1: dreadfully fast. Myra spent a whole week in aimless promenades,
- 4:09Speaker 1: practiced the piano at home and studied French, and when
- 4:12Speaker 1: she had practiced and studied for half an hour, would
- 4:15Speaker 1: throw herself on the divan and stare at the scrap
- 4:18Speaker 1: of blue sky netted with silvery telephone wires which she
- 4:21Speaker 1: could see from where she lay. Then her thoughts would
- 4:24Speaker 1: fly hither and yawn, how glorious it would be to
- 4:27Speaker 1: understand all the languages in the world, or to master
- 4:30Speaker 1: some instrument perfectly, or to have a wonderful voice, or
- 4:34Speaker 1: to be ravishingly beautiful. But since one never could attain
- 4:38Speaker 1: to any of those things, perhaps it would be pleasantest
- 4:41Speaker 1: to be dead. Then there would come pressing duties which
- 4:44Speaker 1: compelled her to go down Mott Street. And since one
- 4:47Speaker 1: had to pass the house, it was natural that one
- 4:50Speaker 1: should walk a little slower, gaze up at the windows
- 4:53Speaker 1: and peer down the street. And since one was in
- 4:56Speaker 1: town and wanted to go home, one might just as
- 4:59Speaker 1: well go down Mott's as Clay Street. And since one
- 5:02Speaker 1: went out to get a little fresh air, it was
- 5:04Speaker 1: the most natural thing in the world that one should
- 5:06Speaker 1: sit down on a bench on Victoria Louisa Square and
- 5:09Speaker 1: watch the children playing. Every day Myra stood in front
- 5:12Speaker 1: of a shop window containing gloves, ribbons and laces, and
- 5:16Speaker 1: stared in profound thought at the display, because at the
- 5:19Speaker 1: back was a mirror, and in this mirror she could
- 5:21Speaker 1: watch the door of the house opposite. Every time the
- 5:25Speaker 1: door opened Myra started. Once when Olga Rado emerged from
- 5:29Speaker 1: that door, Myra scarcely recognized her. Olga wore a loose cloak,
- 5:34Speaker 1: both hands were thrust in her pockets and she had
- 5:37Speaker 1: no hat. She ran rather than walked, two houses farther
- 5:41Speaker 1: down to the mailbox and dropped a letter. Myra hurried
- 5:44Speaker 1: across the street to intercept her on her return. Her
- 5:48Speaker 1: heart was throbbing so that she had to gasp for breath.
- 5:51Speaker 1: With the extreme speed of thought she decided on a
- 5:54Speaker 1: hundred different courses and instantly rejected them again. She would
- 5:58Speaker 1: say something to Olga. She would pass her with a
- 6:01Speaker 1: silent greeting. But suppose she were not recognized. She had
- 6:06Speaker 1: better say something to her. But what? While she was
- 6:09Speaker 1: still crossing the street, Olga had seen her and waved
- 6:13Speaker 1: her hand. Hello, Myra. Were you going to call on me?
- 6:17Speaker 1: Not exactly, said Myra paling with excitement. Perhaps this was
- 6:22Speaker 1: a further stupidity. Perhaps she should have said yes. Yes, exactly.
- 6:27Speaker 1: Olga hooked her hand in Myra's arm. Come up for
- 6:30Speaker 1: an hour. Or shall you be neglecting something? No? Well
- 6:35Speaker 1: then fine. Wait, I must see my friend at the
- 6:38Speaker 1: corner and buy me some cigarettes. Will you come too?
- 6:42Speaker 1: Never in all her life had Myra seen such a
- 6:45Speaker 1: charming tobacco shop as this at the corner. Never had
- 6:48Speaker 1: any individual pleased her so much at first sight as
- 6:51Speaker 1: this white-haired, simpering little man, with the withered, trembling hands,
- 6:56Speaker 1: from whom Olga Rado bought her cigarettes. Olga sat at
- 6:59Speaker 1: the broad diplomat's desk of black stained oak, her legs
- 7:03Speaker 1: crossed in a luther chair, leaning somewhat forward, both elbows
- 7:07Speaker 1: resting on the high arms. Myra sat facing her in
- 7:11Speaker 1: the easy chair. She felt a little strained as at
- 7:14Speaker 1: an examination. Something went tense deep within her, so that
- 7:18Speaker 1: she gritted her teeth and said to herself, I will
- 7:21Speaker 1: pass this test, I will pass it. For a while
- 7:24Speaker 1: all went well. They talked of the Mobius girls and
- 7:27Speaker 1: of Erica Hanneman and Olga's aunt, the consul's wife. And
- 7:32Speaker 1: Myra told about her life at home. about Aunt Emily
- 7:35Speaker 1: and the beautiful days of her childhood. Suddenly Olga said,
- 7:39Speaker 1: Tell me frankly, how do you come to be friends
- 7:42Speaker 1: with my so-called cousins? I don't know, said Myra. Aunt Emily.
- 7:47Speaker 1: I don't mean to say anything against them, said Olga quickly.
- 7:51Speaker 1: They are as good as gold. But aren't you bored
- 7:54Speaker 1: to death in this perpetual round? Yes, Myra replied. But
- 7:59Speaker 1: I'm always bored anyway. Why, how dreadful! said Olga really shocked.
- 8:05Speaker 1: I'd rather be dead than be bored. Don't you really
- 8:08Speaker 1: know anybody but Fanny and Emmy and Aunt Emily? No,
- 8:12Speaker 1: Myra hesitated. It's probably my own fault. I've never had
- 8:16Speaker 1: a friend, but then I've never wanted one. It is
- 8:20Speaker 1: not so easy, Olga reflected. Usually we miss our best
- 8:24Speaker 1: friends by a century or two. We know some by
- 8:27Speaker 1: reading about them or seeing their pictures. But that is all,
- 8:31Speaker 1: of those who will be born after us we know nothing.
- 8:34Speaker 1: That is why I so envy people who create. They
- 8:37Speaker 1: can greet those who come after us. They can keep
- 8:40Speaker 1: themselves alive in pictures, words or deeds. Yes, in deeds too.
- 8:45Speaker 1: It is like a cry. Thus I am, thus I was,
- 8:48Speaker 1: love me. And if in their own lifetimes they have
- 8:51Speaker 1: never found anyone, perhaps in a hundred years or maybe
- 8:54Speaker 1: two hundred, somebody will be born who will love them
- 8:57Speaker 1: as they desire to be loved. who will understand them
- 9:01Speaker 1: as they desire to be understood. We poor creatures, once
- 9:05Speaker 1: we're dead, we most certainly will never be loved again.
- 9:08Speaker 1: Not for as long as ten years after, ah, not
- 9:11Speaker 1: even for ten months. Sometimes I would like. Her eyes
- 9:15Speaker 1: were very dark and menacing under her furrowed brows. She
- 9:19Speaker 1: broke off and began again in another one. Do you
- 9:22Speaker 1: know there are a great many very congenial people of
- 9:25Speaker 1: the Renaissance? We should have lived four or five centuries sooner.
- 9:29Speaker 1: I should certainly have been friends with Margarita Sforza. I
- 9:33Speaker 1: have just read a wonderful story about how she held
- 9:36Speaker 1: her brother's possessions when Julius Caesar was sent against them.
- 9:40Speaker 1: Myra felt a tempest in her brain which was not
- 9:43Speaker 1: unlike vertigo. Renaissance, that was a familiar idea. Her mind
- 9:47Speaker 1: made some kind of hazy connection with the name Sforza. But,
- 9:52Speaker 1: Julius Caesar, she muttered to herself disconcerted. Olga laughed. No, no,
- 9:58Speaker 1: not the great one. Julie? Caesar of Capua. Some stupid
- 10:02Speaker 1: little princeling or other. You don't need to know him. Ah,
- 10:07Speaker 1: Myra sighed with sincere feeling. There's so much that I
- 10:10Speaker 1: don't know that I have to learn. Oh, well, it
- 10:13Speaker 1: won't be so dreadful, said Olga. You know Queen Jean,
- 10:17Speaker 1: don't you? Which one? asked Myra quite at sea. I
- 10:21Speaker 1: know the Queen of Navarre's stories. But not herself I trust,
- 10:26Speaker 1: said Olga in fun. Besides, she was a Marguerite. But
- 10:30Speaker 1: you don't know the Sforza. She asked it as tenderly,
- 10:34Speaker 1: as encouragingly, as if she were talking to a child
- 10:37Speaker 1: whom she did not wish to hurt. I don't know. No.
- 10:42Speaker 1: And yet. Well, what do you know about her? Nothing,
- 10:46Speaker 1: said Myra disconcerted, Only the picture by Rubens, the little
- 10:51Speaker 1: girl with the liverwurst. Olga listened for a moment with
- 10:54Speaker 1: her eyebrows lifted as if she were recollecting. Then she
- 10:58Speaker 1: laughed loudly and merrily, more merrily than Myra had ever
- 11:02Speaker 1: heard her laugh. But strangely enough, her amusement did not
- 11:06Speaker 1: wound Myra, although she was surprised at this failure on
- 11:09Speaker 1: her part to be hurt. It was so nice to
- 11:12Speaker 1: see Olga Rado laugh so heartily, even if one's self
- 11:16Speaker 1: was being laughed at. You poor child, cried Olga still laughing.
- 11:21Speaker 1: What must your mind look like? Ah, I should like
- 11:24Speaker 1: to introduce some order there for a change. Do, said
- 11:28Speaker 1: Myra fervently. Please, please do. For a moment Olga's face
- 11:32Speaker 1: grew serious and thoughtful. No, no, said Myra, immediately terrified.
- 11:38Speaker 1: That's just impertinence on my part. After all, you're not
- 11:42Speaker 1: our governess. Child, said Olga. leaning forward suddenly and laying
- 11:48Speaker 1: her hand on Myra's. Are you really so sensitive? But
- 11:51Speaker 1: you have no reason to be. Do you want to
- 11:54Speaker 1: learn to read with me? There is nothing more I
- 11:57Speaker 1: can do for you. But come up and study, won't you?
- 12:00Speaker 1: Come up here to me as often as you wish
- 12:02Speaker 1: until you are bored. I never will be, said Myra
- 12:07Speaker 1: as if she were taking a sacred oath. But you know,
- 12:10Speaker 1: before we can really dig into anything, you will have
- 12:12Speaker 1: to make a general survey. First you'll have to work
- 12:15Speaker 1: your way through a history of the world. Shall I
- 12:18Speaker 1: give you Schlosser? Here are 18 volumes. One volume after
- 12:23Speaker 1: the other. Yes, my child, heaven won't help you this time.
- 12:27Speaker 1: If you can't do more, at least you can read
- 12:29Speaker 1: around 100 pages a day, that's all. And when you're finished,
- 12:33Speaker 1: every three or four days you'll come up and exchange
- 12:35Speaker 1: your book for another, and we'll have tea and chat
- 12:38Speaker 1: a little. Like the idea? Shall we make it a go?
- 12:42Speaker 1: That is the way it began. And that is the
- 12:45Speaker 1: way it went along for quite a while. With passionate
- 12:48Speaker 1: zeal Myra read the books that Olga Rado lent her.
- 12:51Speaker 1: And when she had put down the book, her face ablaze,
- 12:55Speaker 1: it would seem to her as if Olga sat in
- 12:57Speaker 1: front of her, holding a long conversation with her. On
- 13:00Speaker 1: every page there was something, something horrible or beautiful, something
- 13:04Speaker 1: strange or incomprehensible, something which she must tell Olga or
- 13:08Speaker 1: question her about. And sometimes she really did have these conversations,
- 13:13Speaker 1: sometimes she did say what she had it in mind
- 13:15Speaker 1: to say, what she had resolved to tell Olga, but
- 13:18Speaker 1: very seldom. It was a peculiarly surprising and delightful fact,
- 13:22Speaker 1: of which Myra was probably always conscious, but which was
- 13:26Speaker 1: not clear to her until much, much later. One could
- 13:29Speaker 1: not steer a conversation with Olga Rado. So strong were
- 13:33Speaker 1: her moods that they created an atmosphere in a room,
- 13:36Speaker 1: so that it was impossible to partake of any other
- 13:39Speaker 1: feeling than hers. And whoever was not sensitive to this,
- 13:43Speaker 1: whoever did invoke another mood than that with which wood
- 13:46Speaker 1: and glass and air and silk seemed softly to vibrate,
- 13:49Speaker 1: called forth a screaming dissonance. Myra felt this sometimes later
- 13:54Speaker 1: on when strangers entered the room. She herself never called forth,
- 13:58Speaker 1: not even at the very beginning, the slightest discord because
- 14:01Speaker 1: she was quiet, because she effaced herself in order, half unconsciously.
- 14:06Speaker 1: and yet almost anxiously, to intercept every vibration that quivered
- 14:10Speaker 1: in the air. It was half unconscious only at first,
- 14:14Speaker 1: that is. She felt herself so abysmally small and stupid
- 14:17Speaker 1: that she hardly dared have an idea of her own
- 14:20Speaker 1: in Olga's presence. Later, when her healthy nerves had been
- 14:24Speaker 1: stretched fine and thin to the breaking point, she mastered
- 14:27Speaker 1: the art consciously. She used to say sometimes, in fun,
- 14:32Speaker 1: you must have gone down the street in a very
- 14:34Speaker 1: bad humor today. The houses are still making faces at
- 14:37Speaker 1: you behind your back. It was the third or fourth
- 14:41Speaker 1: time that Myra had been up. Olga was lying on
- 14:44Speaker 1: the divan, smoking so incessantly that the blue clouds had
- 14:48Speaker 1: difficulty in escaping out the window. Myra sat in her
- 14:52Speaker 1: easy chair, reading Jean Paul aloud to her. Others, too,
- 14:56Speaker 1: at least the reader and myself, would have been affected
- 14:59Speaker 1: by this transparent night with which April was closing, the
- 15:02Speaker 1: vast stillness on which the drum taps beat, that longing
- 15:06Speaker 1: for one's beloved with which the morrow again restores a
- 15:08Speaker 1: barren heart and a shattered life remove, these things would
- 15:12Speaker 1: have filled us both with a gentle tremulousness and dreams.
- 15:16Speaker 1: Please stop, said Olga, pressing her hand to her temples.
- 15:20Speaker 1: Don't be angry but I can't stand that today. Be
- 15:23Speaker 1: a good girl, up there you'll find Walt Whitman on
- 15:26Speaker 1: the top shelf more to the right. But never mind,
- 15:29Speaker 1: don't bother. Go to my dressing table, you'll find a
- 15:32Speaker 1: silver brush there. No, the one with the handle. Let
- 15:36Speaker 1: me have it, will you? Obediently, Myra fetched the brush.
- 15:40Speaker 1: Olga took it from her without rising and beat a
- 15:43Speaker 1: mighty tattoo against the wall with the back. After a
- 15:46Speaker 1: short pause, a second and a third. Myra laughed. Must
- 15:50Speaker 1: you have the brush for that? Yes, said Olga. It's
- 15:54Speaker 1: my telegraph instrument. After long years of experience, proved the best.
- 16:00Speaker 1: What else can I use? The inkwell is no good.
- 16:03Speaker 1: A book makes no noise and besides I don't like
- 16:06Speaker 1: to treat it so. Meanwhile there came a knock on
- 16:09Speaker 1: the door. Come in, come in, come in, called Olga.
- 16:13Speaker 1: The door was partly opened and a man's blonde head
- 16:16Speaker 1: peered in. Ah, caller, said a high thin husky and
- 16:20Speaker 1: yet not unpleasant voice. Come in, Peterkin, said Olga. It's
- 16:25Speaker 1: only Myra. Her words sent a wonderful feeling of happiness
- 16:29Speaker 1: through Myra. They gave her a certain justification. A sense
- 16:33Speaker 1: of being at home in this room, where simply to
- 16:36Speaker 1: be tolerated was a pride and joy. The little man
- 16:39Speaker 1: who insinuated his delicate and deformed body through the door
- 16:43Speaker 1: knew her, was aware that it was she who was
- 16:45Speaker 1: just Myra. That is to say that she was not
- 16:48Speaker 1: a mere caller, not a stranger, but somebody who belonged there,
- 16:51Speaker 1: who would not be in the way. One was as
- 16:54Speaker 1: good as alone. All Myra's sympathy darted out to the
- 16:58Speaker 1: young man. Perhaps if he had been a more commanding,
- 17:01Speaker 1: more handsome youth, she would have experienced some feeling of
- 17:04Speaker 1: jealousy toward him. But he was anything but handsome, in
- 17:08Speaker 1: spite of his gentle blue eyes and his exquisitely manicured hands.
- 17:13Speaker 1: Myra loved him from the very first, in the same
- 17:16Speaker 1: way she had loved the tobacconist at the corner, with
- 17:19Speaker 1: an almost real affection. This first meeting was the beginning
- 17:23Speaker 1: of a faithful friendship that was to last for years.
- 17:26Speaker 1: Otto Peterkin was on the whole, not inclined to overestimate
- 17:30Speaker 1: himself or the fascinations which his person was likely to exert.
- 17:34Speaker 1: And yet, may there not have been moments during which
- 17:37Speaker 1: he thought Myra's feeling for him to be of a
- 17:39Speaker 1: different quality than her love for the little tobacconist? Peterkin,
- 17:43Speaker 1: said Olga. Fetch your fiddle and play us something. All right, what?
- 17:48Speaker 1: said Peterkin. Something nice. Nothing is too good for this
- 17:53Speaker 1: little girl. Peterkin played. Played what they both loved best,
- 17:58Speaker 1: Olga and he. and which he would not could not
- 18:00Speaker 1: have played, had there been someone listening for whom it
- 18:03Speaker 1: was too good. Myra sat perfectly still. It seemed to
- 18:08Speaker 1: her as if the notes bore her onward like a
- 18:10Speaker 1: gently flooding stream, on and on, everything was left behind,
- 18:14Speaker 1: the drab and dirty city, the crowds of carping, clawing people,
- 18:18Speaker 1: all were outdistanced, grew smaller, vanished in the haze. But
- 18:22Speaker 1: the air was ever clearer, ever purer, the water ever deeper,
- 18:26Speaker 1: the shores more lovely, more free. An island appeared. The
- 18:31Speaker 1: low-hanging branches of its flowering trees were lapped by the
- 18:34Speaker 1: lifting waves. That day, for the first time, Myra came
- 18:38Speaker 1: home late for supper. The long, agitated and irate lecture
- 18:42Speaker 1: with which Aunt Emily received her made her feel as
- 18:45Speaker 1: if someone had thrown dirty water on her. She shuddered
- 18:48Speaker 1: with loathing, but she felt no pain.