Latest / Stuck No More Voices / 342-Dr. Heather Burchfield: Not Here to Be Nice

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342-Dr. Heather Burchfield: Not Here to Be Nice · Stuck No More Voices

• 0:00
  Theresa: Some women are not stuck because they lack a calling.
• 0:04
  Theresa: They're stuck because the calling scared them.
• 0:07
  Theresa: Our guest today knows the way through, and it starts in a place most people skim right past.
• 0:13
  Theresa: Hey, welcome back to the Stuck No More Voices Podcast.
• 0:16
  Theresa: I'm Theresa Croft.
• 0:18
  Theresa: I'm a visibility strategist who help Christian women go from their calling to their story to a solution and a message for their ideal client.
• 0:28
  Theresa: Hey, if you're listening right now, do me a favor, will you?
• 0:32
  Theresa: Uh, like us, share it, or more than anything, subscribe on YouTube.
• 0:38
  Theresa: Uh, this is how the woman, right woman gets in the room.
• 0:41
  Theresa: So this episode is a special feature with the Stuck No More Voices Podcast.
• 0:45
  Theresa: It's the Calling Table Session.
• 0:47
  Theresa: It's a seat I keep for Christian women whose stories deserve to be handled with care and whose voice is ready to be heard.
• 0:55
  Theresa: So pull up a chair.
• 0:56
  Theresa: At the table today is Dr.
• 0:58
  Theresa: Heather Burchfield.
• 0:59
  Theresa: Hey, Heather.
• 1:00
  Theresa: Nice to have you.
• 1:02
  Heather: Thank you for having me.
• 1:03
  Heather: I'm glad to be here.
• 1:04
  Theresa: Yeah.
• 1:04
  Theresa: You help those stuck in their faith, Stuck No More is my brand, on their, or their calling is scaring, scaring them.
• 1:12
  Theresa: So I just wanted you just to dive in a little bit just, like, h- what you really do.
• 1:19
  Heather: Sure.
• 1:20
  Heather: Yeah.
• 1:20
  Heather: So, I guess a few years ago I found myself to be stuck.
• 1:24
  Heather: I had a, uh, this big calling on my life.
• 1:27
  Heather: And even though I have been walking with the Lord for- decades now, uh, it doesn't make a big calling any less scary.
• 1:36
  Heather: I have trusted him through the ups and the downs, but this big thing that he called me to do, um, sort of put me in a position to be frozen with- Yeah with fear, you know, anxiety.
• 1:48
  Heather: Yeah.
• 1:48
  Heather: And I had a couple other things going on in my personal life, in my professional life, and those things kind of, uh, created the perfect storm.
• 1:57
  Heather: I think about that movie, The Perfect Storm, where the three big storms were coming into each other in the ocean, and that's what happened in my life.
• 2:04
  Heather: All of those things- Wow converged in one moment, and, um, I found myself in a mental health crisis, quite frankly- Yeah at the bottom of, um, a, a, a bottomless hole that we- Yeah call depression.
• 2:17
  Heather: Uh- Mm-hmm if you've never suffered with depression, it's like, uh, falling down a black hole that you can't see a bottom to.
• 2:23
  Heather: Sure.
• 2:23
  Theresa: Yeah.
• 2:23
  Heather: And, um, I was overwhelmed by that, overwhelmed by life in general and, um, you know, wasn't able to see a way forward.
• 2:35
  Heather: And, you know, I'm a perfectionist.
• 2:36
  Heather: I'm an oldest daughter, type A- Mm-hmm.
• 2:38
  Theresa: Yeah
• 2:39
  Heather: academic, you know, all the things, and so I love to be able to see the end from the beginning.
• 2:43
  Heather: I couldn't see- Mm-hmm where we were going with this.
• 2:46
  Heather: I just- Yeah knew that God had said to do this thing, and I'm like,"I, I can't even get off the couch or out of the bed most days." Wow.
• 2:54
  Heather: That's so- I'm so stuck and frozen- Yeah and, um, afraid and anxious.
• 2:58
  Heather: Yeah.
• 2:59
  Heather: How do I, how do I move forward?
• 3:01
  Heather: And so, um, my goal is really to teach women that whatever God has called you to do, He's already given you the power to do it- So good in the form of His Holy Spirit.
• 3:18
  Heather: Mm-hmm.
• 3:18
  Heather: One of the reasons that- I, I was scared to do what God had called me to do was because I believed I didn't, that I had made so many mistakes- Mm-hmm that I wasn't qualified.
• 3:31
  Heather: Yeah.
• 3:31
  Heather: And that I had, uh, that I was so, that I did not have the power to do it, or the resources, or- Yeah whatever it was that was going to require of me.
• 3:41
  Heather: Yeah.
• 3:41
  Heather: Um, and what I found on this end of it is that when I took the steps to just get out of the bed and just take a shower- and just move forward for today-
• 3:52
  Theresa: Okay
• 3:52
  Heather: um, God has been so faithful to walk alongside me, you know, all the way.
• 3:57
  Heather: So good.
• 3:57
  Heather: And, um, i- if I spend the rest of my life teaching other women to do just that-
• 4:03
  Theresa: Wow
• 4:04
  Heather: then think of the multiplication that would happen-
• 4:07
  Theresa: Yeah
• 4:07
  Heather: um, when we, when we walk in all that He's called us to.
• 4:11
  Theresa: Yeah.
• 4:12
  Theresa: I, I, uh, from reading some of your book, I understand you had one pesky person in your life that wasn't gonna let you stay on that couch.
• 4:19
  Theresa: Tell us about that.
• 4:21
  Heather: Yeah.
• 4:21
  Heather: Well, you know, my little mama, she, um, she's five-foot-nothing and in high heels, but she's a, a Goliath in the faith.
• 4:30
  Heather: She's a giant in the faith.
• 4:31
  Heather: She, um, she's the, she's the one who gets up at 4:30 every morning and studies her Bible and prays for two hours, and she's the one everyone turns to for prayer.
• 4:40
  Heather: She's got a, a mainline to God somehow, you know.
• 4:43
  Heather: And, um, she just, she's just a- an extraordinary example of what it's like to be faithful.
• 4:51
  Theresa: Wow.
• 4:52
  Heather: She's faithful to God.
• 4:53
  Heather: She's faithful to her studies.
• 4:54
  Heather: She's a faithful disciple.
• 4:55
  Heather: She's a faithful friend.
• 4:56
  Heather: She's a faithful- Yeah prayer warrior.
• 4:58
  Heather: And, um, when I was, you know, in that, in that place, she was faithful to me, and she would call me, um, and I wouldn't pick up the phone because I didn't wanna didn't wanna talk to her.
• 5:08
  Heather: I didn't wanna hear, you know, what she was gonna tell me- Yeah which was to get up and do something, and I wasn't ready for that.
• 5:13
  Heather: Yeah.
• 5:13
  Heather: Um, and so she called me and said,"I've got my car keys in my hand." She lived, you know, away, not in the same city.
• 5:19
  Heather: She said,"I've got my car keys in my hand, and if you don't something, whatever that is, I'm going to come there." And I don't know what you know about Southern mamas, but, you know, I, I'm 51, and I'm still a little bit scared of her.
• 5:30
  Heather: And, and that's okay.
• 5:31
  Heather: That, I was just, I was just scared enough of her to get up- That's something and do something, right?
• 5:36
  Heather: Yeah.
• 5:36
  Heather: And so she led me- Uh, to a resource that led me to the Book of Ephesians.
• 5:41
  Heather: Wow.
• 5:42
  Heather: Um, you know, and I had walked with the Lord for, I don't know, over 35- Mm s- or so years at that point, but I had forgotten who I was.
• 5:50
  Heather: Yeah.
• 5:50
  Heather: I had forgotten who God was.
• 5:52
  Heather: And we do that.
• 5:53
  Heather: You know, I think about Israel in the Old Testament, how many times they forgot who their God was- Yeah.
• 5:57
  Heather: Yeah or who they were, who they were called to be, and they, um, they, they just forgot.
• 6:02
  Heather: Yeah.
• 6:02
  Heather: And they, they went astray.
• 6:04
  Heather: And I had forgotten.
• 6:05
  Heather: Um, and even though I wasn't, you know, worshiping a golden cow or anything, I, I was not doing what He called me to do.
• 6:12
  Heather: Yeah.
• 6:12
  Heather: I was being disobedient.
• 6:14
  Heather: And, um, so she led me back to Ephesians, and I started right there in Ephesians 1 to reclaim my identity in Christ.
• 6:21
  Heather: Mm-hmm.
• 6:22
  Heather: And so that's step one in the process for us- Yeah when we feel like we, um- We can't, we can't do what God has called us to do, or we have something really hard in front of us-
• 6:33
  Theresa: Yeah
• 6:34
  Heather: it's to remember who we are.
• 6:35
  Heather: I saw a, a quote from Christine Caine earlier this week, and I...
• 6:39
  Heather: This is not a direct quote, a paraphrase.
• 6:41
  Heather: But it said,"Before God allows you to do what He's called you to do, He shows you who you are or reminds- Mm you who you are.
• 6:48
  Heather: Mm.
• 6:48
  Heather: And that's the, that's the concrete foundation we stand on, right?
• 6:51
  Theresa: Yeah.
• 6:52
  Heather: When God calls us to build a house, whatever the house is, the foundation is our identity in Christ.
• 6:57
  Heather: Mm.
• 6:57
  Heather: Um, who He is and what He's done for us and, um, and then who we are as a result of that.
• 7:04
  Heather: And so once I relearned who I was, then God called me out to this ministry of, of writing books, deep dive Bible studies using original languages, which are, um, accessible for even the newest- Yeah person to Bible study.
• 7:23
  Heather: Um, I have, you know, people tell me,"I've never studied the Bible before, but this is incredible.
• 7:27
  Heather: I can do this.
• 7:27
  Heather: It's doable."
• 7:28
  Theresa: Mm.
• 7:29
  Heather: But also challenging for the spiritual giants like my mom- Yeah who will say,"I've never, I've never heard that before or seen that that way before." Yeah.
• 7:36
  Heather: Or pastors who will say,"I didn't even study that in seminary.
• 7:39
  Heather: They didn't teach me that in seminary." Yeah.
• 7:41
  Heather: So my goal is to teach people first, to remind them who they are in Christ.
• 7:46
  Theresa: Mm.
• 7:46
  Heather: Um, to teach them the skills they need to grow up in Christ, how to study their Bible, how to pray, what worship actually looks like, how to be in relationship with God and with others.
• 7:57
  Heather: And then the power that they have inside them already- Yeah to take the steps that He's called them to take.
• 8:03
  Heather: If I can do it, if I can get off the couch, out of the bed, take a shower and comb my hair- anybody can do it, because- Yeah I don't know of anybody that was in a worse place than I was.
• 8:12
  Heather: But- That is beautiful yeah, it's, it's such a, and it's such a powerful thing.
• 8:16
  Heather: And it's a-
• 8:16
  Theresa: Yeah
• 8:17
  Heather: it's a momentum builder, right?
• 8:18
  Heather: The more we do, the, the, the more we have.
• 8:21
  Heather: And I just find this thing multiplying, um, almost as fast as I can keep up, and it's incredible to watch- Yeah God work.
• 8:27
  Theresa: Do you think that, uh, does this happen to you, that a lot of women come to you and they just have a limiting belief system going on instead of a God, you know, b- I mean, a lot of times we get stuck up'cause we just, our, our belief system is whacked out.
• 8:45
  Heather: Yeah.
• 8:45
  Heather: Yeah.
• 8:46
  Heather: You know, I, I have, uh, people who come to me and say a couple of things.
• 8:51
  Heather: One of them is, um- you're really smart." They say this to me.
• 8:56
  Heather: That, you know, like I was one of those kids that made As in school or whatever.
• 8:59
  Heather: I'm not that smart.
• 9:00
  Heather: I couldn't do that.
• 9:01
  Heather: And I rebuke that in the name of Jesus- Mm-hmm because I believe that we are all intelligent in different ways.
• 9:08
  Heather: Yeah.
• 9:08
  Heather: Just because this is what God has called me to doesn't mean it's what he's called you to.
• 9:11
  Heather: Yeah.
• 9:12
  Heather: We- God, the Bible calls those spiritual gifts, right?
• 9:14
  Heather: Teaching is a gift that I've been given, but everybody has a gift, and we need...
• 9:20
  Heather: If everybody was an arm, we would be a pretty funny looking body.
• 9:23
  Heather: Yeah.
• 9:23
  Heather: We need all the gifts, right?
• 9:24
  Heather: So everybody has a gift.
• 9:26
  Heather: Your journey doesn't look like my journey.
• 9:29
  Heather: Your gift doesn't look like my gift, and your ministry doesn't look like my ministry.
• 9:33
  Theresa: Yeah.
• 9:33
  Heather: The second thing that women often say to me is,"You're so strong.
• 9:38
  Heather: I wish I could be strong like you."
• 9:41
  Theresa: Yeah.
• 9:42
  Heather: And I think to myself, I laugh and think to myself about laying on the couch or in the bed in the fetal position, not able to move.
• 9:49
  Heather: And I always say I am strong because of what I have inside me.
• 9:55
  Theresa: Yeah.
• 9:56
  Heather: And you are that strong, too.
• 9:58
  Heather: You just have to do the work- Yes to activate the spirit within you.
• 10:02
  Heather: Amen.
• 10:03
  Heather: The amount of work that I had to do to get from where I was to where I am requires discipline.
• 10:10
  Heather: Mm.
• 10:10
  Heather: It requires going to counseling.
• 10:12
  Heather: It requires Bible study.
• 10:14
  Heather: It requires prayer.
• 10:15
  Heather: It requires, you know, um, working with mentors and that kind of thing.
• 10:20
  Heather: Yes.
• 10:20
  Heather: It requires practice.
• 10:22
  Theresa: Yeah.
• 10:22
  Heather: And, um, you know, I find sometimes that people want to get from where they are to where I am or somebody else is, but they don't wanna do the work to get there.
• 10:33
  Heather: Yeah.
• 10:34
  Heather: But the business of being a disciple, by nature, requires discipline.
• 10:39
  Heather: So good.
• 10:39
  Heather: And it's hard work.
• 10:40
  Heather: Yeah.
• 10:40
  Heather: It's not easy.
• 10:40
  Heather: Salvation is free.
• 10:42
  Heather: Sanctification will cost you everything.
• 10:43
  Theresa: Yeah.
• 10:44
  Theresa: And I agree that, um, you...
• 10:46
  Theresa: Like, I walked with the Lord for many decades, but it's still the...
• 10:50
  Theresa: I still needed help after my abusive husband died, and the only place that I could find it was still in the Word.
• 10:58
  Theresa: I mean, I fought for being in the Word, but yeah, I like that you said counseling.
• 11:03
  Theresa: You know, sometimes you need some help.
• 11:05
  Theresa: I got, I wanna talk to you about something.
• 11:06
  Theresa: It's in your book.
• 11:07
  Theresa: I really believe that when you're called, it's like it's in your gut.
• 11:13
  Heather: Mm.
• 11:13
  Theresa: I remember my husband said,"Oh, you're too driven," and two years later, I said,"God, was I driven?" And God said,"No, you were, you were following your calling and you fought for your voice." Yeah.
• 11:23
  Theresa: "You stayed in my presence and you fought for my voice." But this is, you kind of touched on this, but, um, this is in f- your book.
• 11:32
  Theresa: We are called to sincere, frank, loving, and justice-aware type of kindness.
• 11:37
  Theresa: I love that,'cause I love kindness.
• 11:39
  Theresa: Mm.
• 11:40
  Theresa: God has crafted a space for each of us dependent on the gifts that He's given us, and we are most successful in our kingdom work when we take up all the space-
• 11:50
  Heather: Mm
• 11:50
  Theresa: that He's designed for us.
• 11:52
  Theresa: Yeah.
• 11:52
  Theresa: I think when women get ahold, you can help me with this, of I am called.
• 11:58
  Theresa: And then they start understanding, wait, I'm a daughter of the King.
• 12:01
  Theresa: Mm.
• 12:01
  Theresa: That calling then can propel them into the lane that they were meant to be.
• 12:07
  Theresa: But it could still be a journey.
• 12:09
  Theresa: Don't quit in the journey.
• 12:11
  Theresa: Yeah.
• 12:11
  Theresa: So h- h- how would you like to just elaborate on that just-
• 12:18
  Heather: Well, you know, I, I, I think I, I talk in the book about growing up in the South, um, as a- Mm as a girl, right?
• 12:24
  Heather: Yeah, yeah.
• 12:25
  Heather: In the Bible Belt, um, where there are very distinct, uh, role, gender roles.
• 12:30
  Heather: Um, and even today- Yeah you know, in the larger conversation, as it were, there's a lot of- I'm from Atlanta, the last 30, 20, 30 years, so I understand totally what you're saying.
• 12:44
  Heather: Yeah.
• 12:44
  Heather: There's a lot of voices telling women what they should and shouldn't do- Yeah what they can and can't do, and all the things.
• 12:49
  Heather: And, um, I, I carried that.
• 12:52
  Heather: I, I carried that to heart.
• 12:53
  Heather: And so I go,"Okay, God- You've given me this brain, and you've given me this h- heart to take people deeper in the word and to teach, a, a gift to teach.
• 13:05
  Heather: But there's all the voices that tell me I can't or I shouldn't- Mm-hmm or that I'm sinful or disobedient somehow if I do what you've told me to do.
• 13:14
  Theresa: Mm-hmm.
• 13:15
  Heather: Um, and so we learn, um, from a young age, especially in the South, I don't know about other parts of the country, to be nice.
• 13:22
  Theresa: Yes.
• 13:23
  Heather: And nice is, um, a facade.
• 13:27
  Theresa: Yeah.
• 13:28
  Heather: It's, it's not authentic, it's not honest, and it's not even kind.
• 13:33
  Heather: And I give the example in the book about my children.
• 13:36
  Heather: I have five children.
• 13:37
  Heather: If I, uh, see one of them running out into the road and I'm nice, I go,"Oh, honey, have a good time.
• 13:44
  Heather: Go play with the car." Good example.
• 13:46
  Heather: Right?
• 13:47
  Heather: Yeah.
• 13:47
  Heather: That's nice.
• 13:48
  Heather: But kindness requires me to yell at that child to stop, and maybe- Yeah even jerk him back by a shirt or something.
• 13:55
  Heather: Yeah.
• 13:55
  Heather: It doesn't look nice when someone sees that from the outside, but I just saved that kid's life.
• 14:01
  Theresa: Yeah.
• 14:02
  Heather: And this is what we've done in Christianity, is taken a Victorian era concept of nice, which is- Mm-hmm uh, designed to make people agreeable, right?
• 14:12
  Heather: Yeah,
• 14:12
  Theresa: yeah.
• 14:12
  Heather: And exchanged it for the kindness that God designed.
• 14:17
  Heather: Ephesians calls His choosing us the kind intention of God's will.
• 14:23
  Heather: Okay, well, here's what the kind intention of God's will required.
• 14:26
  Heather: It required Him to sacrifice His own Son-
• 14:29
  Theresa: Yeah
• 14:30
  Heather: i- in a brutal, brutal way, right?
• 14:32
  Heather: Mm-hmm.
• 14:33
  Heather: And I don't know what it would have actually looked like to look up at that cross and see Jesus hanging with the flesh ripped on His body, but I imagine it didn't look nice-
• 14:43
  Theresa: Mm
• 14:44
  Heather: or how we would define kind.
• 14:46
  Heather: But that's what was required for God to extend the kind intention of His will to us.
• 14:53
  Theresa: Yeah.
• 14:54
  Heather: And we get so caught up in the process of peacekeeping.
• 14:59
  Heather: We're just keeping the peace, right?
• 14:59
  Heather: Just, just- Yeah let's do what we do.
• 15:03
  Heather: Especially as women, I think we, we, we see ourselves as sort of the, in our families, the, you know, the peacekeeper and all these kinda things, instead of doing what the Beatitude says, which is,"Blessed are the peacemakers." And peacemaking is something entirely different.
• 15:19
  Heather: Yeah.
• 15:19
  Heather: It requires us walking into hard spaces and having sometimes confrontational conversations that- Mm can be filled with grace and covered over with love-
• 15:31
  Theresa: Yeah
• 15:32
  Heather: but no less to the point.
• 15:34
  Heather: And, and Jesus was a great example of this.
• 15:36
  Heather: He, you know, in those places where He saw people living in their own sin, who were unrepentant- He was kind enough to them to call them out and say-
• 15:47
  Theresa: Yeah
• 15:47
  Heather: "You're going the wrong way.
• 15:49
  Heather: You're running out in front of the car.
• 15:50
  Heather: Stop now." Yeah.
• 15:52
  Heather: Um, and they didn't always listen, but, you know, that, how the outcome is is not up to us.
• 15:57
  Heather: And so, um, you know, I just, I just want to make a clarion call for us, especially as women, to stop shrinking ourselves-
• 16:06
  Theresa: Mm
• 16:07
  Heather: to fit into some place where somebody told us we belong.
• 16:11
  Theresa: So
• 16:11
  Heather: good.
• 16:11
  Heather: To stop being nice.
• 16:13
  Heather: The book is called Not Here to Be Nice.
• 16:15
  Heather: Yeah.
• 16:15
  Heather: And to thank Him for the kindness of God, and to stop keeping the peace and start making true, authentic peace.
• 16:22
  Heather: Have conversations that allow the Holy Spirit to usher in the Prince of Peace, right?
• 16:28
  Heather: Yeah.
• 16:28
  Heather: All of the peace that God can give us so that we, we don't walk on eggshells.
• 16:33
  Heather: And in the process of that, w- we start filling up all the space that God intended for us.
• 16:39
  Heather: Mm.
• 16:39
  Heather: Which means that we're not half of an arm, we're a whole arm, right?
• 16:43
  Heather: We're a whole, functional arm, or a liver, or whatever part of the body we are, that we're fully functional, um, in our space in the kingdom.
• 16:50
  Heather: And, and God blesses that.
• 16:52
  Theresa: Yeah.
• 16:53
  Theresa: Don't you think, in a way, nice puts you in a box?
• 16:58
  Heather: I, I think nice does a lot of things for us.
• 17:01
  Heather: Mm-hmm.
• 17:01
  Heather: And that's one of them.
• 17:03
  Heather: So- The, the most disturbing part of nice to me is that it's dishonest.
• 17:09
  Heather: Yeah.
• 17:09
  Heather: Okay.
• 17:09
  Heather: And
• 17:09
  Theresa: we can
• 17:10
  Heather: never have authentic relationships- Mm if we're not honest, at first with ourselves.
• 17:16
  Theresa: Yeah.
• 17:16
  Heather: Right?
• 17:17
  Theresa: Yeah.
• 17:18
  Theresa: So I wanna ask you something that's kinda hard to ask, but, um, it's something I dislike'cause it's not like Christ, but, how do I say this?
• 17:28
  Theresa: What do you do when you got someone, they've got a religious spirit.
• 17:32
  Theresa: Mm.
• 17:32
  Theresa: Not a who I am spirit, but a religious spirit.
• 17:37
  Heather: Yeah.
• 17:38
  Heather: Well-
• 17:38
  Theresa: Do you come across that?
• 17:40
  Theresa: Do you come across
• 17:40
  Heather: that?
• 17:40
  Heather: Oh, sure.
• 17:41
  Heather: Sure.
• 17:41
  Heather: Okay.
• 17:42
  Heather: Yeah.
• 17:42
  Heather: Um, modern day Pharisee, right?
• 17:45
  Heather: Um, a- and, um, isn't that the only kind of person that Jesus really came up against in a way- Think about that that was unpleasant, if we think about Jesus' example.
• 17:55
  Heather: He was- Preach.
• 17:56
  Heather: He was overly pleasant to the woman caught in adultery or the woman with the issue of blood or, or these people that, um, were regarded unpleasantly by humans.
• 18:06
  Theresa: Yeah.
• 18:07
  Heather: But unpleasant to the people that people revered because they were religious- Yeah or whatever, because they were whitewashed tombs.
• 18:14
  Heather: True.
• 18:14
  Heather: And so the first thing I do in that situation is pray.
• 18:17
  Heather: Yeah.
• 18:18
  Heather: Yeah.
• 18:18
  Heather: Because I, I have to get my own attitude in order when I come up against that, right?
• 18:25
  Heather: Right.
• 18:25
  Heather: Yeah.
• 18:25
  Heather: I understand.
• 18:26
  Heather: So- Totally do some of us have, uh, trauma related to that, quite frankly.
• 18:30
  Heather: Yeah, that's true.
• 18:31
  Heather: And, um, we have to get our own house in order before we can attend to that.
• 18:35
  Heather: And so the first thing I do is pray, um, about that, make sure that I'm soaked in sc- scripture.
• 18:41
  Heather: I can tell the difference, uh, in my own attitude between- Okay when I'm soaked in scripture and when I've been n- not- Yeah as disciplined as I should've been.
• 18:48
  Heather: And then I usually seek wise counsel.
• 18:50
  Heather: Mm.
• 18:50
  Heather: Um, I, I'm, uh, I have three mentors- Okay at all times, and then I have three mentees at all times.
• 18:56
  Heather: Nice.
• 18:57
  Heather: So f- following a Titus 2 example, I'm looking to, for women who are, you know, older than me in the faith, um, and older than me in life, um, to offer me wise counsel.
• 19:07
  Heather: Yeah.
• 19:07
  Heather: And so I go- That's good to one, two, three of those women and I go,"This is what I have."
• 19:12
  Theresa: Yeah.
• 19:12
  Heather: What do I do?" And overwhelmingly, they offer me- um, godly advice.
• 19:18
  Heather: And then we pray for the strength to move forward in a way that honors God.
• 19:23
  Theresa: Yeah.
• 19:23
  Heather: In a way that honors the person without honoring the behavior.
• 19:27
  Heather: Yeah.
• 19:27
  Heather: And in a way that is, um, reconciling.
• 19:30
  Heather: God's intent is always to redeem His people.
• 19:33
  Theresa: Yes.
• 19:33
  Heather: And so to say to some- to, this is peacemaking, right?
• 19:36
  Heather: To go into this conversation with the intent of restoration, um, and redemption is, is, is God's design.
• 19:44
  Heather: Mm.
• 19:44
  Heather: And then the outcome is up to Him.
• 19:46
  Heather: Sure.
• 19:46
  Heather: I'm not responsible for that.
• 19:47
  Heather: Mm-hmm.
• 19:47
  Heather: And, and that's another thing that I had to learn- Mm-hmm you know, not to, that I can't control the outcome and- not let it slip.
• 19:52
  Heather: The older I get, the better I get at that one, but, you know, that was all the trouble.
• 19:56
  Theresa: Not my responsibility.
• 19:57
  Theresa: I always say on a good day I do all to manage me.
• 20:00
  Heather: Correct.
• 20:00
  Heather: Correct.
• 20:01
  Theresa: Not my
• 20:03
  Heather: responsibility.
• 20:04
  Heather: Well done.
• 20:04
  Heather: Yeah.
• 20:04
  Heather: Yep.
• 20:04
  Heather: That's,
• 20:04
  Theresa: that's- Um, I, the reason I ask that,'cause you're coming full on force on identity.
• 20:09
  Theresa: You're coming on full on force of things I really love.
• 20:12
  Theresa: But you're in...
• 20:13
  Theresa: I love that you have three mentors or me- and then you have mentees, because there's something...
• 20:18
  Theresa: I know I have a couple, and there's something about just being able to lay it out, say, okay, this is what I'm dealing with.
• 20:26
  Theresa: I'm dealing with this.
• 20:27
  Theresa: And then,'cause I think, um, if you look at, in the Bible th- they had, I mean, the disciples, they had each other, but they had Jesus.
• 20:37
  Theresa: They were being, they were going through their stuff.
• 20:39
  Theresa: And, uh, anyway.
• 20:41
  Theresa: I, I listened to this song, I don't know if I can say it, but it was from the context of what if David never fought.
• 20:52
  Theresa: He had this, um, calling.
• 20:55
  Theresa: What if Moses never said yes to God?
• 20:58
  Theresa: It was like all these what ifs.
• 20:59
  Theresa: Uh, Esther preferred the comfort of her calling.
• 21:03
  Theresa: And I really believe that is like a ra- rally call to say, hey, it's a journey, but y- you have, like you said in your book, you have a specific place.
• 21:14
  Theresa: Can you go through it?
• 21:15
  Theresa: Can you figure out who you are?
• 21:17
  Theresa: Can you walk it out?
• 21:18
  Theresa: Because what if y- your, your very presence may impact someone else.
• 21:24
  Theresa: So I'm very passionate about that, and I kind of spit it out like that.
• 21:27
  Theresa: But I think what you're doing, Heather, is exactly that, arming the body of Christ with real armor, the Word.
• 21:36
  Theresa: And your book is, uh, I love your book, it's Not Here to Be Nice: The Untarnished Truth About Who You Are and the Purpose and Power You Have in Christ.
• 21:46
  Theresa: Come on now.
• 21:47
  Theresa: I'll, I'll link that in the, um, I'll link that in the show notes, but- I...
• 21:52
  Theresa: So do you have these le- leaders that come to you, and they're kinda jacked up on their identity, or they're just, they're, they're, they got some relations problems, or they're just faith seems wavering?
• 22:02
  Theresa: And they've been in the Word a long time, so they're like,"Well, this should not be happening." But yet, what is it?
• 22:08
  Theresa: One little slip, one little limiting belief?
• 22:11
  Theresa: What, what do you see when people come to you like that?
• 22:14
  Heather: Yeah, well, I see that, um, somet- I do, you know, some leadership coaching.
• 22:20
  Heather: I have a leadership background, and so I do some, a lot, a lot of leadership coaching.
• 22:24
  Heather: Um, I, I maintain that if you are in Christ, you're called to lead.
• 22:30
  Heather: And I say that because Jesus' sorta last words were,"Go and make disciples." And the business of making a disciple is to lead another person, right?
• 22:40
  Heather: Yeah, yeah.
• 22:40
  Heather: So if you're in Christ, you're called to lead, period.
• 22:43
  Heather: Mm, yeah.
• 22:43
  Heather: There's no if, ands, or buts about that.
• 22:44
  Heather: And you say,"Well, I'm not called to leadership," or,"I'm not a natural leader," or whatever, whatever.
• 22:48
  Heather: That's what He said.
• 22:49
  Heather: Uh, you'll have to take that up with Him.
• 22:51
  Heather: Totally.
• 22:51
  Heather: Right?
• 22:51
  Heather: So there is a, is a large population of people, and I find this especially to be true in women, who, um, sa- who love God and love His Word, but have no idea how to lead, or have taken on a leadership position, and maybe the foundation wasn't there.
• 23:09
  Heather: Mm-hmm.
• 23:09
  Heather: And so now their house is kind of falling over- Yeah or leaning over or something like that.
• 23:13
  Heather: So there's kinda two categories.
• 23:15
  Heather: One is, um, I had a strong foundation before I started to lead, but the pressures of leadership have, have cracked my foundation, and now I've, I've sort of gone backwards, and I need to be reminded, just like I did- Yes, yes of who I am and- Yeah um, to relearn some things.
• 23:34
  Heather: Yeah.
• 23:34
  Heather: Um, and then the second one is a group of people who maybe didn't have the foundation to begin with, and so they started building the house before, um, before it was, before they were ready to do that.
• 23:44
  Heather: Yeah.
• 23:45
  Heather: Um, and so we start d- just right at the beginning.
• 23:48
  Heather: I have two, um, uh, levels of...
• 23:52
  Heather: Excuse me.
• 23:52
  Heather: That's not funny.
• 23:54
  Heather: I have two levels of teaching, and,- Okay um, one of them is- Mm let's start with the, the book.
• 24:01
  Theresa: Yeah.
• 24:01
  Heather: And, um, we relearn our identity, purpose, and power in Christ.
• 24:07
  Heather: Mm.
• 24:07
  Heather: And like I said, I've had, um, people, men and women, who've been pastors for decades study Ephesians with me and say,"I'd never heard this before," or- Wow"I've never learned this in seminary" or,"I've never heard this this way." Mm.
• 24:22
  Heather: Um, one of them is my own dad, who's a, an ordained pastor.
• 24:24
  Heather: He's in his late 70s.
• 24:25
  Heather: Wow.
• 24:26
  Heather: And he's been studying.
• 24:27
  Heather: Um, and so it's just great to watch him.
• 24:29
  Heather: Yeah.
• 24:29
  Heather: Um, to watch him just relearn.
• 24:31
  Heather: Um, and then the second level is I know who I am in Christ, I know that He has a purpose for me- I'm pretty sure what it is.
• 24:42
  Heather: I just don't know how to- Mm pull that off.
• 24:45
  Theresa: Okay.
• 24:45
  Theresa: And
• 24:46
  Heather: so then we get into leadership practicalities, right?
• 24:50
  Heather: Okay.
• 24:50
  Heather: Okay.
• 24:50
  Heather: Where are your...
• 24:51
  Heather: This is a, a basic leadership 101.
• 24:54
  Heather: Like, where are your, uh, where are your blockers?
• 24:56
  Heather: What's keeping you from success?
• 24:58
  Heather: Internal, external.
• 25:01
  Heather: Do you have some environmental things that are causing you stress?
• 25:03
  Heather: How can we navigate those?
• 25:06
  Heather: Um, quite a few people, especially in a church setting, need coaching in how to have, um, productive but straightforward conversa- Mm no nonsense conversations.
• 25:18
  Heather: Because the intersection of personal and sort of professional is, is a gray area in a church setting, right?
• 25:26
  Heather: Those people are- Yeah um, we're part of the body and we're working together sort of, uh, Christian professionally, but we're also friends and family.
• 25:34
  Heather: And so, um, being part of a family can be a challenge.
• 25:39
  Heather: You know, people- Sure we have, I call, what I call sandpaper people.
• 25:42
  Heather: We have sandpaper people.
• 25:43
  Heather: Mm.
• 25:43
  Heather: They rub us the wrong way.
• 25:44
  Heather: And, um, everybody's a sandpaper person to somebody else.
• 25:48
  Heather: I'm a sandpaper person to somebody else.
• 25:50
  Heather: But the truth is, those are God's people who are refining us-
• 25:55
  Theresa: Yes
• 25:55
  Heather: how He wants us to be.
• 25:57
  Heather: Yeah.
• 25:57
  Heather: So we talk about, um, you know, sandpaper people and how to navigate those people that have, uh, big opinions and maybe, uh, maybe shouldn't or, uh, you know, those, all those things that we go through in leadership.
• 26:11
  Heather: Once we know who we are and we're certain on our purpose- And we understand the power that lives in us.
• 26:19
  Heather: Then after that, we, we're fine-tuning, right?
• 26:22
  Heather: We're fine-tuning this conversation or this situation.
• 26:26
  Heather: We're reflecting, how could I have done that differently?
• 26:29
  Heather: How will I do that differently moving forward, because it's coming back around.
• 26:32
  Heather: Or what, you know, reflecting, what lessons did God teach me through this, and how can I, um, how can I teach that to somebody else?
• 26:40
  Heather: Leadership is, is using what I've learned and teaching it to somebody else.
• 26:47
  Heather: Even if it's something I learned today, I don't have to have known it for 50 years to teach it to somebody else.
• 26:52
  Heather: Yeah.
• 26:53
  Heather: And so, um, just breaking down leadership for people in a way that demystifies it, um, and allows everybody to walk in the leadership we're called to is- Yeah.
• 27:04
  Heather: That's huge uh, is a full-time job, is a full-time job.
• 27:07
  Heather: Yeah.
• 27:07
  Heather: Yeah.
• 27:07
  Heather: I, I just find that people, you know, say,"Leadership's not for me.
• 27:10
  Heather: I'm happy to go to church," or whatever.
• 27:13
  Heather: But it is.
• 27:13
  Heather: That's the command.
• 27:14
  Heather: Yeah.
• 27:15
  Heather: And so if that's true, how do we support people in, in jumping into that- Yeah and, and fulfilling all that Titus 2 has called them, fulfilling all that Jesus- Yeah called them in the disciple making process.
• 27:26
  Heather: I,
• 27:27
  Theresa: I'm, I appreciate the fact that amidst the powerhouse that you are and, you know, the identity, I, I appreciate that you, you have a, you have...
• 27:35
  Theresa: I don't necessarily know if it's understanding or a soft spot, but you understand mental challenges.
• 27:40
  Theresa: Yeah.
• 27:40
  Theresa: There's a lot of them in this day.
• 27:42
  Heather: Yeah.
• 27:42
  Heather: Yeah.
• 27:42
  Theresa: Um, uh, I don't know you wanna say anything about that, because I, I find that even in my surrounding, in my family and stuff, I can see mental challenges that came from trauma in the past.
• 27:57
  Theresa: So do you go into that much?
• 27:59
  Theresa: Or, I mean, basically knowing your identity's gonna pull you out of that.
• 28:03
  Theresa: But what if someone's got the mental illness where they're just struggling to, like you say, get up and go to work and take a shower?
• 28:11
  Heather: Yeah, yeah.
• 28:11
  Theresa: Any thoughts on that?
• 28:12
  Heather: Yeah.
• 28:13
  Heather: It's a tough one.
• 28:14
  Heather: And it's not one, um...
• 28:15
  Heather: Before I- Had my o- I had my own battles, which I continue to fight.
• 28:21
  Heather: I mean, I can still sense when my, my body and my brain are- Yeah falling down again.
• 28:27
  Heather: Yeah.
• 28:27
  Heather: And I'll say to my husband,"I'm falling down again," and he'll go,"Okay, what's the problem?" And we, how do we reset, you know?
• 28:32
  Theresa: That is so good.
• 28:32
  Theresa: And,
• 28:32
  Heather: um, it, it still happens.
• 28:34
  Heather: You don't, you don't, you know, I didn't, I'm, I'm not just over it.
• 28:38
  Heather: It doesn't work that way.
• 28:39
  Heather: Yeah.
• 28:39
  Heather: Um, but what that did for me, um, was pull me out of maybe my own Pharisee tendencies- Yeah and cause me to have an extraordinary amount of compassion.
• 28:51
  Theresa: Yes.
• 28:51
  Heather: Over and over we see, um, especially in the Book of Mark, how Jesus saw the crowds and was filled with compassion.
• 28:58
  Heather: Yeah.
• 28:59
  Heather: And if I'm not filled with compassion, then I'm not like him, right?
• 29:02
  Heather: And I wanna be like him.
• 29:03
  Heather: And so what it's given me is a heart of compassion for people who struggle- Yeah uh, with their- That's good with their mental health.
• 29:10
  Heather: Yeah.
• 29:10
  Heather: And, um, you know, the, the way through it for me was going back to the basics.
• 29:18
  Theresa: Okay.
• 29:19
  Heather: This is who I am.
• 29:20
  Heather: This is the truth.
• 29:21
  Heather: My mental health, my depression, and my anxiety, they lie to me.
• 29:27
  Theresa: Mm-hmm.
• 29:27
  Heather: Right?
• 29:28
  Heather: They tell me things that are not true.
• 29:30
  Heather: They tell me things that I should be scared of, or that I will never do X, Y, Z.
• 29:36
  Heather: Mm.
• 29:36
  Heather: Or that I'm not capable, or that I'm too broken, or whatever.
• 29:40
  Heather: They tell me lies.
• 29:42
  Theresa: Yeah.
• 29:42
  Heather: The only way to refute a lie is with the truth of what- Truth God says.
• 29:48
  Theresa: Amen.
• 29:48
  Heather: And so I found when I started- planting that in my heart regularly and covering myself in that.
• 29:57
  Heather: Mm.
• 29:57
  Heather: Learning par- uh, particularly key scriptures to speak and pray over myself when I find my brain cycling into that place- Yeah or something.
• 30:08
  Heather: Understand.
• 30:08
  Heather: Just over and over.
• 30:09
  Heather: I must have said Psalm 139:23-24 over myself hundreds of times.
• 30:15
  Theresa: Yeah.
• 30:15
  Heather: Um, when I was at, at my most anxious,"Search me, O God, and know my heart.
• 30:19
  Heather: See if there's any anxious way in me, and lead me- That's good in the way everlasting." Just, you know, just as a...
• 30:23
  Heather: Because I didn't have words.
• 30:25
  Heather: Yeah.
• 30:25
  Heather: So I borrowed them from scripture.
• 30:27
  Heather: Mm-hmm.
• 30:28
  Heather: You know, which is a wise thing to do.
• 30:30
  Heather: Mm-hmm.
• 30:30
  Heather: Um, and the more...
• 30:32
  Heather: I tell people this all the time.
• 30:34
  Heather: People go,"I, you know, I, I'm studying my Bible, but I don't know if I'm remembering any of it, or I don't know how this applies to me." And I say,"Just put it in there.
• 30:41
  Heather: Just get it in there.
• 30:42
  Heather: Just have it in there because you don't know when you're gonna need it." Mm-hmm.
• 30:46
  Heather: And your brain is like a series of file cabinets, right?
• 30:48
  Heather: It's filed away.
• 30:49
  Heather: It's somewhere in there.
• 30:51
  Heather: And what I find is that at an opportunity when I need it, the Holy Spirit pulls it out of that back file cabinet and brings it right here where, where I need it- Yes, yes or, uh, to my mouth, where I can speak it over myself or somewhere else, if I'm teaching or counseling with someone or whatever.
• 31:07
  Heather: Sure.
• 31:07
  Heather: Um, just keep putting it in there.
• 31:10
  Heather: Just do the work of the discipline of putting it in there, even when you can't see where it's going, you don't understand what it means.
• 31:17
  Heather: What does a talking donkey have to do with me?
• 31:19
  Heather: Or, you know- Yeah all those things.
• 31:20
  Heather: I get all those questions.
• 31:22
  Heather: Just keep putting it in there because you don't know what God's gonna call you to.
• 31:25
  Heather: Mm-hmm.
• 31:26
  Heather: You don't know what position you're gonna be in or what situation you're, you're gonna have in front of you.
• 31:30
  Heather: Um, and it's just the best- antidote-
• 31:34
  Theresa: Yeah
• 31:34
  Heather: to, um, to an unsound mind.
• 31:38
  Heather: My mind was unsound.
• 31:39
  Heather: Yeah.
• 31:39
  Heather: But God has given me a spirit of power and love and a sound mind.
• 31:45
  Theresa: Yeah.
• 31:45
  Heather: And, um, one of the ways that I keep my mind sound is the renewing of my mind, right?
• 31:51
  Heather: Mm-hmm.
• 31:51
  Heather: That Romans talks about.
• 31:52
  Heather: Um, through the study of his word.
• 31:54
  Heather: I j- I just don't know of a better antidote.
• 31:56
  Heather: Yeah.
• 31:57
  Heather: For sure, if you have a severe mental health issue, seek medical help or- Yeah you know, counseling.
• 32:03
  Heather: I did all the things that are available to us- Yeah for sure.
• 32:07
  Heather: Um, but the thing I find that really was a game changer for me was just the discipline of constant time in God's word.
• 32:15
  Theresa: Yeah.
• 32:15
  Theresa: And don't you think, I know for me personally, it's like I, I think of it as spending time in His presence.
• 32:23
  Theresa: So that may mean I don't jump right into a chapter, but I really lis- I lean in.
• 32:29
  Theresa: Um, I think sometimes your vessel, y- you gotta lean in and let out the old and just, and then when the word comes, it's, it's ready.
• 32:37
  Theresa: I mean, sometimes it's 10 minutes, sometimes it's 15 where I just need to listen.
• 32:41
  Theresa: What do you have on your heart, God?
• 32:43
  Theresa: What, what are you talking about?
• 32:45
  Theresa: Yeah.
• 32:45
  Theresa: And d- I'm just saying that, and I feel the word then just boom.
• 32:49
  Theresa: I mean, I'm in Hosea and boom.
• 32:50
  Theresa: I mean, what's in Hosea?
• 32:52
  Theresa: But boom, I got my place in that position where, okay, I say I know this story well, but wow.
• 32:58
  Theresa: So I, I just so appreciate your sharpness, laser sharpness, but yet your kindness in dealing with the word.
• 33:06
  Theresa: Um, I just believe that if people just get an, a, a handle of really who they are in Christ and whose they are, we can talk identity, but sometimes people need to see it walked out, and that's why I'm so excited about your book.
• 33:20
  Theresa: It's not just a book.
• 33:22
  Theresa: It's like a Bible study.
• 33:23
  Theresa: Correct me on that.
• 33:24
  Theresa: Am I wrong?
• 33:24
  Heather: Yeah, it's a, it's a, it's a 40-day or eight-week, times five days of study, Bible study.
• 33:31
  Heather: Um, it starts with the context of Ephesians, the who, what, when, where, why, who wrote it- Okay who was it written to, where was it written, and all of that, because we need to understand that before we can understand, um- Yeah the purpose of it.
• 33:43
  Heather: And then it goes right into a verse by verse from Ephesians 1:1- So good all the way to the end of chapter six.
• 33:49
  Heather: So good.
• 33:50
  Heather: Um, verse by verse study- I love that um, of the book of Ephesians.
• 33:54
  Heather: And there are also 10 teaching videos that are included.
• 33:57
  Heather: Okay, awesome.
• 33:57
  Heather: There are QR codes inside the book, um- So cool for the teaching videos.
• 34:02
  Heather: I've got a, um, an online community that there's a QR code for that in the book, an online community you can join.
• 34:08
  Heather: Um, and then I speak, you know- Yeah everywhere about- Yeah um, about this, about leadership and, um-
• 34:15
  Theresa: Yeah, you're
• 34:16
  Heather: a speaker you know, just people- I mean, you are a
• 34:17
  Theresa: speaker,
• 34:18
  Heather: yeah how to follow God in a practical sense.
• 34:20
  Theresa: Amazing.
• 34:21
  Theresa: So this has been so good.
• 34:22
  Theresa: So what's the best way for them to get in contact?
• 34:26
  Theresa: I see some social links.
• 34:27
  Theresa: You're very active on social.
• 34:29
  Theresa: Um- Buy the book.
• 34:32
  Theresa: Yeah,
• 34:32
  Heather: sure.
• 34:32
  Heather: I- Buy your book,
• 34:33
  Theresa: definitely.
• 34:34
  Theresa: But it's-
• 34:34
  Heather: Yeah, the book is on Amazon.
• 34:35
  Heather: It's Not Here to Be Nice.
• 34:37
  Heather: I also created the Not Here to Be Nice Leader's Guide.
• 34:40
  Theresa: Oh,
• 34:40
  Heather: cool.
• 34:40
  Heather: Because I'm, um, I When people have completed this study, I highly encourage them to, to get two or three friends together and lead them through the study.
• 34:51
  Heather: Yes.
• 34:51
  Heather: Because each one teach one.
• 34:52
  Heather: That's the business.
• 34:53
  Heather: That's the sausage-making of discipling, right?
• 34:56
  Heather: Yes, yes.
• 34:56
  Heather: That's us discipling others.
• 34:56
  Heather: You don't have to know everything to be qualified to lead somebody through.
• 34:59
  Heather: You c- we can, we can sort it out together.
• 35:02
  Heather: So I also have the Not Here to Be Nice Leader's Guide.
• 35:04
  Heather: Those are- Yes on Amazon.
• 35:06
  Heather: Okay.
• 35:06
  Heather: Uh, Dr.
• 35:06
  Heather: Heather Burchfield, Facebook, Instagram- Excellent TikTok, Threads, everywhere.
• 35:12
  Heather: That's great.
• 35:12
  Heather: And then my website, uh, heatherburchfield.com, which is under construction right now.
• 35:16
  Heather: Okay.
• 35:16
  Heather: But is about to, to be- Really?
• 35:18
  Heather: Awesome it's incredible.
• 35:19
  Heather: I've got a new- Yeah web builder.
• 35:20
  Heather: It's gonna be incredible.
• 35:21
  Heather: Oh, how exciting.
• 35:22
  Heather: And so you can, um, link me there.
• 35:23
  Heather: Get, you know, all the links there for speaking engagements, for the book, for questions.
• 35:27
  Heather: So good.
• 35:28
  Heather: People reach out to me all the time.
• 35:29
  Heather: We,"We studied the book.
• 35:30
  Heather: We love it," and, and that kind of stuff.
• 35:32
  Heather: That's good.
• 35:32
  Heather: So I love that.
• 35:33
  Heather: I love to hear stories of how God transformed your life through it.
• 35:35
  Theresa: Yeah.
• 35:36
  Theresa: Well, I appreciate you so much, Heather, and thank you for really breaking down some things that we all need to be reminded of when it comes to our calling and then our leadership.
• 35:45
  Theresa: So this is today's calling session with Heather Burchfield.
• 35:50
  Theresa: Now, if her story moved you, do something.
• 35:53
  Theresa: Buy her book, follow her on social, and share this episode with a friend you know that needs to have their identity maybe shored up.
• 36:02
  Theresa: So some stories are not for scrolling past.
• 36:06
  Theresa: This is definitely one of them.
• 36:08
  Theresa: I'm Theresa Croft for the Stuck No More Voices podcast.
• 36:11
  Theresa: I'll talk to you in the next episode.