Latest / Just Us Sisters / Episode 26: Challenges & Blessings of Being Single (40s, 50s & 60s Edition)

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Episode 26: Challenges & Blessings of Being Single (40s, 50s & 60s Edition) · Just Us Sisters

• speaker-0: Welcome to the Just Us Sisters podcast. Life doesn't come with a manual, so we made a podcast. speaker-2: Okay, thank you for joining the Just Us Sisters podcast. today we are continuing our podcast on the challenges and blessings of being single. This time we're going with the 40s, 50s, 60s, and I'm gonna introduce my sisters. We have Susan, who's the oldest, Sheryl who's the first middle, Shelly, who's the second middle, and I'm Stacey, the host today. I'm gonna hand it over to Shelly to introduce our guest. We are so excited to have Ryan with us today. Ryan is the minister of music at Sheryl's and My Church, New Hope First Baptist in Cedar Park. And we are happy that he was willing to join us for this discussion today. Sheryl is going to introduce our second guest. Today we have in our fifties category Shannon, and she is a mother of three beautiful kids. And you'll hear probably a little bit more about them later on. And Susan is going to introduce our third guest. We are so excited to have Chris join us today. Chris and Sheryl and I all played basketball together in high school, not that long ago. In my mind, anyway. And Susie World is a great world to be. But we're excited about you coming and joining us and giving us the perspective from a sixty something year old. Meeting us. And we do have a couple of questions. And was being single something you expected or has your life unfolded differently than you imagined? speaker-3: It's definitely different than I expected. But I'm not like a bad expectation by any means. But I I was very focused on God's plan and mission for my life, that I just went for that like full throttle. And I remember being a new believer at the age of twenty. And in college ministry, I just remember my college minister saying, like, when you are running the race of following Jesus, that if you look to your right or to your left. And you see somebody there running alongside you, that might be someone that's meant to run the lifelong race as a partner with you. And so often I just to be honest, I didn't actually see anybody on my right or my left. That doesn't mean I I was alone, but I just kept going. Yeah, I just kept going, you know? And I found so much joy in serving in the church that I really filled my life up with serving. And then once I heard God's calling in the ministry. I mean, I I came out to Texas for seminary. I I was going like full-time school, full-time working at a church, and think life just just happened so fast. And I've every now and then I'd look to the right or to the left and I was like, I'm just gonna keep going just because life is good. And and that's kind of how it's always been. It's I still don't even think that I am in my 40s. Like I still I still probably feel like I'm like in my twenties, but I just kind of, you know, I just keep doing I just stay right with the Lord where he's at. And and actually I would say that when people ask me, like Ryan, do you have any kids? That's a question I get a lot asked now. Like, you have kids? And I always say, Not yet. Because in my mind, like, I'd I'd still love to have kids. Or they say, like, do you have a wife? And I'm like, Not yet, not yet. Because I don't necessarily believe God has called me to be single by any means, but I know he's called me to follow him. He's called me to be a minister of the church. And those are two things he's called me to. So I just keep doing those and I'm certain that in the journey, God's got a plan that's bigger and better than mine. You're speaker-2: Your answer's very close to what Caitlin actually said last week. speaker-4: In that speaker-2: you don't you don't know this, but last week we did an interview with Cherokee, Michaela, and Susan's daughter Caitlin. Rep Caitlin was representing the thirties and we were so proud of them. They did a fantastic job and And th none of them are ultra focused on finding the one. Each of them are seeking God's will and that was very encouraging to us. Yeah. I feel like they s they said that they were running that race with God. Is being single something you expect it? speaker-4: No, no. I w I was married. I was married young. I got married at twenty two and I grew up in a household where my par my parents are still married. Fifty eight years this past June. My parents were still married. My sister's married thirty six years. My brother's married. My sister's twenty seven years. I I it just to me I never expected to not be married once I got married. It just it didn't plan out that way. So it was not expected. But then I think somewhere along the way during the marriage, I knew it was gonna eventually happen because I wasn't fulfilled. I wasn't in a relationship that is what I actually wanted it to be. So I knew there was going to be a moment, but I'm also very adverse to conflict. So how do you tell someone they I I love to this day my ex husband and I are still friends and and I still love and want his happiness, but I wasn't happy. So how do you hurt someone? How do you 'cause you know he loves you, how do you hurt someone and say, I'm not happy. This is not the life I wanted. So I didn't expect it, but I think somewhere deep down I knew it was going to eventually happen. speaker-2: Each one that we have gotten to interview, we we asked them, was single something that you planned, expected, or has your life just unfolded differently than you imagined? And and in what way? How long have you been single? So I have been single for twenty six years. Yes, long time. I was married for twenty years and I've been divorced twenty six years. But you know, I when I Plan to finish college. I was going to New York and going to become this career woman. I never imagined that I would get married and have a large family. It it's just something that was in my plan. And that's not how it turned out. I ended up having children, you know, and and a twenty year marriage. But it all worked out for the best. It really's been great. So how many children do you have, Chris? So I have five children, four girls and one boy. The oldest is forty four and the youngest is thirty. okay. All right. So it wasn't like you expected, huh? No. I'm I'm serious. You know, my children know this. I I said, you know, I never imagined I'd have kids. I thought I was gonna be this career woman. Moving off to New York City and then I get stuck in a small town unexpectedly. Well you do have five beautiful children and a and and those grandkids are Amazing. So are there times, Shannon, that with all the longevity in your family of marriage and even maybe with friends that are married that you may feel forgotten or overlooked? And if so, when when are those times? speaker-4: Yeah. I forgot overlooked. I think I do feel that way, but sometimes I think I put that on myself because I'm so misindependent. I do everything on my own. And then when I look at my sister whose husband takes care of XYZ and my other sister whose husband takes care of everything like that. And I look at my brother who's he takes care of XYZ and I'm going, I'm the one having to take care of XYZ. When my mom and my sisters are doing ABC, I'm doing ABC all the way through XYZ. And that's sometimes I don't think other couples realize that on me. Like let's take a snowstorm and you know, or do you know I need to be frozen and I'm going, wait, I've got a house to have to maintain. I'm the one going out and having to wrap the pipes. I'm the one worried about everything. I'm the one making sure during the summer that the grass was taken care of and the you know, all the appliances are right and the roof is good and all that. And I don't realize it until I'm chatting with my sisters. Like you guys are really close and I I love that I have a very close relationship with my own sisters. And they're like, yeah, Carrie's doing this or Dina's doing that. I'm like, man, I've got it. Like that's when I don't think couples realize the pressure to be in single, a homeowner, raising kids on your own. All of those other expectations are they don't they don't know it 'cause they've never really had to do it. speaker-2: Mm-hmm. Do your couple friends ask you to go do things with them? speaker-4: Absolutely. I I do have server I have a lot of friends and most of them twenty ninety nine percent of them are married and they invite me along. Like I was in a fishing tournament a couple of weeks ago and that started with one of my good friends and her husband and he just they bring me into the tribe and I'm like, You guys have gotta have a single friend out there. Like how are you not a single friend? speaker-2: That's what I was gonna ask is do they try to set you up all the time? Do they have a you know, I know a guy. speaker-4: No, and that's what's surprising. I am like and I joke with them going, Do you guys not know anybody? And they'll be like, All of our friends are married. So yeah, like and I'm like, I want to meet someone the old fashioned way, which is, hey, someone seen me and they were attracted to me and they came up to and asked me, Hey, well, so what do you drink the Starbucks or something, you know, random? Or I want that person who knows me to say, I know someone who you would be And and and and but it that day has yet to come. That that has yet to come. speaker-2: So I wanna ask you, I know that Johnny and I love to go places with other couples and we love for you to go. What makes you feel valued by your couple friends? You know what I love? I'm very, very blessed with the couple friends because they all include me. They don't make me feel singled out. They don't make me feel like oops, sorry about that. they don't you know, they include me. Like if I how does And I get invited often to couple, actually more couple than I do single events. And I love it. I just feel like I'm part of them and they don't make me feel like that, you know, third wheel or fifth wheel. I just I love that they include me and make me feel included. I love it. Besides Sheryl, do your friends all try to set you up? well, you know, they do on occasion, but they also know that I have standards and They know that I want a Christian relationship. So they're just kind of letting it go. And, you know, I really believe that day that it's meant to be, God's gonna literally bring that person to my front door. Amen. I'm for two with Chris. I have not striked out yet, but I'm saving that last one to make It's gonna be the Amazon prime delivery guy or the UKS guy, if she just knows he's gonna be at her front door. Or the FedEx guy might, you know, it's like, I'm not gonna know. But one time we had a plumber come to her house and he was handsome. My daughter came to my daughter's house. I was here and my daughter was like, Mom, that is the cutest man for you. And he was in his sixties. And he happened to be the owner of that plumbing company. And I was like, Well, find out. And he was, you know, and I was like, Find out. But she kind of, you know, she backed out on that one. So I was interested. So Chris with your kids look too. Yeah. Well sometimes my husband and I, we ask our f single friend to come hang out, whether it be go to dinner, go to the movie, go to lunch. What makes you feel most valued by couples? speaker-3: Mm. I love being included. So like I didn't grow up in a traditional home. Like my my parents married and divorced a few times. My mom passed away when I was fourteen years old. We moved a lot. By the time I was seventeen, I'd moved 13 times. So to have like just a like a traditional environment where like a husband and a wife and children or people are just having dinner. I love having dinner with my friends and their families. And I've got a couple of close friends that live just like just down the road from me. And man, if they just say, Ryan, we've got whatever cooking, you should come over, I'll get in the car immediately and come over that way. Just cause I enjoy them so much. And I love to see godly spouses and marriages just do life together because, in a sense, that's a mystery to me. Cause I didn't grow up in a Christian home. And then I'm currently not married. And so to observe married Christian spouses doing life, it's it's kind of like Another part of the Bible like unfolding before you, you know? speaker-2: Love that. So you've told us how you feel valued by them. When are the times that you may feel forgotten or maybe overlooked? And when are those times? speaker-3: So I'd probably say when my friends who have children, and this isn't a knock, I love them all. When my friends who have children get really busy with their kids, I don't get resentful or upset about it, but it's just their lives get so full that all of a sudden they just don't have the margin to have those dinners or the bandwidth to get together. Or even friends who have grandchildren, you know, all of a sudden it's like their attention goes towards the kids as it should. But then I I will find myself Just kind of not getting to do things with friends. But what I would say about that, this is the way I always see life. I feel like God has always worked in my life as if I if something changed or something got removed, God has always been so good to me to provide. So there was a strong season where all my friends who all had kids or grandkids, they just all became very busy. And I probably found myself for a year really not doing much with anybody. But it was like, I think. God allowed me to experience that. And then all of a sudden I got a whole new group of friends that were literally all in their twenties. And now I do stuff almost every night of the week with them. You know, so even though my friends have the treasure of children and grandchildren, those responsibilities, God provided me even still with more friendships. And those friendships that are the married couples, they're still there and they're still rich and growing. But yeah, I'm grateful for the ways in which God provides new friendships and people that have the margin to to spend time together. speaker-4: Mm. speaker-2: Love that. So Chris, how has your definition of Mr. Wright changed from when you first got married to now? You know, I thought that I could change the person that I met if he wasn't like me or what I wanted in a relationship. And that does not happen. It does not work. So I just learned that I accept someone for who they are. And if we don't, you know, seem to click or have things in common then I just move on. I mean there's plenty of fish in the sea. I haven't found my fish yet, but there's plenty of out there. Just keep fishing. I keep fishing. And I like that you're not settling, you know, 'cause like you said, there are men out there, but you're not gonna settle just for any old guy. speaker-5: You don't speaker-2: Yeah. Though I have an amazing family and my children settled in the beginning. It wasn't right, but I like the flow. But I won't let it yet. And that that applied twenty six years later. And I don't think you know that our first segment on this was twenties year olds and then thirties year olds. And you know, the the C's a little bigger when you're that age. Yes. But, you know, we also are of the belief that there is a right one. So it really in reality doesn't matter the size of the seed. And, you know, I I think just knowing that should give some reassurance, you know, that if if if it's the plumber or just someone you come across, you're not necessarily having to put that into play because the right person is going to come when when it's the right time. has your definition of the right person changed since you were in your early twenties to Now in your forty? speaker-3: I think so, yeah. Because I've dated a lot over the years. And I think when I was younger, I just imagined I would meet a pretty girl who was Christian and that all things would work out in a pretty way and it'd be perfect, you know? And and I dated a lot of pretty Christian girls, and things seemed to be perfect, but what I always felt was lacking was like a calling to that person, like a sense of purpose. with that person. know, when I was saying like when I was running the race of Christ, I would look to my left and and the Christian girl may be wonderful and pretty and great on paper, but in my mind I was like, something just doesn't feel like it's lining up with the mission that God's given me. And that's not any knock against any of those people. No, but I think for me, what I've been able to clarify is that like I know and knew without a doubt that God called me into ministry. And because of that, I knew that in the heart of heart of hearts, I was able to leave Florida, drive all the way across the nation, go to Texas all by myself. I didn't know a soul. I went through seminary and did a master's in music in theology. And those were like the hardest things I've like ever done. But I could do it because I felt called to do it. And then simultaneously, like going to my first church. And then also coming to New Hope, I knew that God called me to be a part of both of those. And those are without a doubt. So I I've never had any insecurity about those. But I think when it comes to like a spouse, like who the right person is. To me, what I've been able to like look at it is is it's the person that God has a called me to, the person that He's destined for me to be a part of, that person who's who's meant to be with me. And then in that sense, like I I believe that once I recognize, meet or see that person, if that is in this lifetime, that I'll know it just like my calling into ministry, to the church, to Christ, and that there won't be any doubt. It'll just be like this is this is the calling. Okay. speaker-2: It's good, Ryan. Very good. I know. And we appreciate that perspective. And you're you're in a little bit different perspective too than a lot of men your age that are single. Because one of the things I that I realize that it takes a very special woman to be a ministry alongside her husband. speaker-3: Hundred percent. speaker-2: And we were talking to one of our pastors the other day. Tom had his eye on this guy. And speaker-4: For Turk. speaker-2: so he went up to this pastor and he goes, Hey, so what's up with this other guy on staff? And he goes, Well, you know, he's dating someone and they've been dating a while. And he said, well, okay. And he said, But she is not wanting to be in the ministry. And and he said, and he knows that he's called into ministry. Yeah. And I was like, my, right there is a recipe for disaster, you know? If speaker-3: Yeah. speaker-2: if she doesn't feel a calling to the ministry. Yeah. And I related differently in that aspect. And I I so appreciated the way you look at it because that woman is very important speaker-3: Uh-huh. speaker-2: that comes alongside of you. speaker-3: Yeah, absolutely. speaker-2: So anyway just know that she doesn't have to be able to play the piano or sing though. That's right. She speaker-3: No, not at all. speaker-2: could be a really good basketball player. Yeah. Family speaker-0: She could, better than me. speaker-2: doesn't need to be able to sing ether. You might have to be a good runner though. speaker-5: You know it's- speaker-3: It doesn't have to be, but it would be a great pastime to share. speaker-0: Yeah. speaker-3: Yeah. Yeah. speaker-2: We've always believed that a pastor's wife has a calling also. Yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. When Susan was little, even though we are Baptists through and through, she was asked what she wanted to be when she grew up and she said, A nun. So on the on the Baptist equivalent, pastor's wife, that's what she is. I'll speaker-4: Yeah. speaker-2: never forget when my mom pulled me over and she said, Susan, you're not gonna be a nun and I'm like Well, why not? And she said, Well, you're not Catholic for one. And but it was the only woman that I saw in ministry. And growing up, I mean, you know, most of the people were men. And I knew I was called into some type of ministry. I just didn't know what until I was a junior in college. And very plainly the Lord told me, You will marry a pastor. Wow. And I only knew one and I was like, Lord, please not let it be him and it was not, but it it was very plain. So you'll have to catch the episode that we s talked about what happened when Tom's first church assumed because she was a pastor's wife, she and her sisters could sing. It was speaker-3: okay. speaker-2: not good. No never. Now now that it's the right time, how is your definition of the right person differing from when you were in your twenties to now? speaker-4: Yeah, that is that is a really great question, Jus. I don't need to be taken care of. I think being older, I have already I have a job. I take care of myself. I pay my own bills. I I run my house. I need a battery change with my car. I know how to do that. So the right person is someone who wants to compliment my lifestyle. That speaker-2: That speaker-4: is not looking to come in And and swoop me up and and rescue me. I don't I I'm not a damsel in distress. I don't need to be rescued. And it's about the right guy not wanting to swoop in and fix me and rescue me, but the right guy who wants to come in and live side by side, who wants to cook dinner together, who wants to go to try new restaurants, who wants to on a whim, hey let's let's go to this concert, who wants to our kids are grown. There's nothing that's keeping us from seeing and doing and experiencing things together. So my definition has changed in I need you to compliment and not want to come in and control, but you just want to come in and just be part of the fun. speaker-2: met our husbands on the original dating app of AOL. But speaker-4: Who? speaker-2: now I I think I can speak for Sheryl also. We cannot even imagine the dating app scene and the the dangers. So when you were talking about the dating app, you know, that's just something that those of us that have been married for so long cannot even relate to. And I'm sure that, you know, obviously brings challenges in and of itself. speaker-4: It is. I talk to my mom and my mom will be like, I don't understand it and I was like, Mom, you just there's no words. If you've never been on a dating app, there's really are no words to describe some of the crazy. And I get this message on a Friday and I like, Okay, I guess we're not going out tonight And I went home and I joined the dating app. And I go, I'm gonna reactivate 'cause I just don't even know what to do anymore. And then all of a sudden you just get all these likes and And people sending you messages. And they're not they're not messages they they would want their mother to read, put it that way. But not messages their mother would want to read. You know what? Mm-hmm. God can put someone in my life on his time and his schedule and why keep rushing it. So and that's just kind of the way I have started living, intentionally living life to the fullest, doing whatever I want when I want. And when God put someone in my life that is gonna compliment me. Then I'll know. speaker-2: So that's kind of the blessing side of it. speaker-4: That is the worst inside of it. I don't speaker-2: So Chris, what would you go back and tell yourself about being single or what to expect back to when you first became single? Well, wishing that I built a better financial background and my relationships, you know, letting that be very important to me and building them was a big deal for me. And always remembering not, you know, to settle. You have, you know, er there's a lot of fish indices we talked about. And knowing that You know, you don't have to rush to be in a relationship. There's so many things out there to do before you get settled into that commitment of, you know, forgetting who you are and taking care of yourself. So we heard from twenty-five and thirty-eight year old last week. what advice would you give your twenty-five year old self about dating and singlehood? speaker-3: You know, I don't know if I would actually say anything, because I feel like my life's turned out pretty great the way that it is. If I could tell myself something, I probably would say something to the degree that if you want to have children younger or to like a start a home younger, then you really need to make the time for it. Just like I made time for my seminary education and I made time for my degree, and those are of great value. I think I would have told myself, if you really want to, which I think when I was twenty five, I thought by the time I'm 30, I'll probably be married and I'll probably have children. But I just didn't really, really set the time aside for it. And I would probably just tell myself at twenty five, if if you really want it by then, you're gonna start making room right now for it. Don't think that it's just gonna happen or it's gonna happen in your thirties, like you have to make the time right now, just like you're setting time for your education and for ministry. speaker-2: Well, we're strong believers in you know, God has a purpose even in your spouse. Each of my sisters were married by the time they were twenty one and I was thirty one when Andy and I married and you know, through all that you just trust that the right person, whether you're twenty five, twenty one, you know, comes along and in accordance to his purpose for you. So I appreciate that you wouldn't necessarily Go back and say, try harder or do this. But more importantly, just you know, keep seeking his will and purpose for your life. speaker-3: Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah, 'cause I think in in many ways, if God did have somebody in my life at twenty five, I think the thing is I was just so focused on the mission and the ministry calling that I just wasn't looking elsewhere. And that is likely where God wanted me to look, you know? Because I feel like my life really has unfolded powerfully. And and I I don't regret anything by any means. It's it's unfolded in a way that's better than I could have imagined. Life would just look different if I had A child, you know, if I had kids, if I was married, and that's all. speaker-2: Besides music, Ryan's emphasis is missions at our church. And I think with a wife and children, that might look a little different and scripture talks about that. So I I think that there's purpose in that as well. speaker-3: Yeah. Yeah, I feel like I've been really gifted with the time to invest in people's lives. And and that's a privilege that I get that that a lot of people don't have the the time to because a a married spouse and or a parent really have their mission is to invest in their family. And what's what's been pretty cool the way I've always seen it is that God's given me the margin to invest in multiple families, in future families and and in other children, lots of generations. So It what what I get to do isn't small by any means. Not that anybody's saying that. It's it's actually quite multiplied. And and that's the way that God's always given me the perspective of gratitude for it. speaker-2: Shannon, with the experience that you have from dating as a mother, as empty nester who's has the opportunity to be focusing on themselves, what advice would you give a 20 or 30 year old who's single and who's the episode before this one, we interviewed two 20-year-olds and a 30 year old. And they had a lot of the same things to say. Like they don't know where they're expected to meet a man. And so What advice would you give to them? Or to yourself, your younger self? speaker-4: Ooh, if I would go back to my younger stuff, it would be to to be true to my feelings and don't be afraid to actually voice them. I think there were times that I was in a relationship that it with my the father of my three kids that he was doing things that I didn't like and I was afraid of conflicts, so I wouldn't voice my opinion. I didn't learn how to communicate in a way that was non confrontational. I I didn't know how to communicate to say, I just I'm not happy with the way things are going. Let's Can we change it up? So I really stress to my own kids to always just be true to the self and to be honest and never be afraid to pivot. Don't be afraid to pivot. If things aren't going the the path, we have one life. Pivot. Do not be afraid to pivot your life. And I wish someone had told me that. See the red flags. See the red flags when someone is causing arguments, when someone is causing you to separate from your own family, when that gut. is telling you this is wrong, listen to it. Because as women we have that built in intuition and I can say in my younger days, I didn't listen to it and it caused me to be in places I didn't want to be. So listen to our your intuition and act on it. speaker-2: That's that's good advice. Well, how has being single shaped your relationship with God? So, you know, I spend more time with God than I would have If I had someone in my life, that person would have been in a Christian relationship with me and and we would have shared that. But being by myself, I just kind of I can spend all day with God. I can s you know, morning, I don't have anybody to answer to. And that's not a bad thing, but I can just do what I want when I want. And we, you know, building and reading and understanding and over and over and just instilling that in my everyday life as being a single person in my sixties, it's amazing. I I I love this. There is definitely a common theme from twenties all the way to sixties of just the blessing part of being not accountable to anybody. Yeah. And, you know, that frees you up to do a lot of things that you wouldn't necessarily have the opportunity to do if you were in a serious or married relationship. That's absolutely crazy. How does a fifty year old single woman meet someone? speaker-4: You know, I I thought it was gonna have to be the dating app and ugh I I was on dating apps for a while because that after I did end a relationship, I waited a year and was like, I'm gonna focus on my kids. like Sheryl said, I do have three kids and I have an age gap. So my oldest is thirty, my youngest is nineteen and I thought, you know what? I'm gonna focus on my kids and then and then about a year later I had a girlfriend say, You should get on this dating app and I was like, You know what, it's time and I did and those are horrible. Like There sometimes I feel like that's the only way we're society that we can meet single people. But I also have a job that I'm out of town all the time I travel for my job that I don't want to mix business with pleasure. Like I don't men that I meet while I'm working, I it feels weird. It feels like it's crossing an ethical line because of just the nature of what I do for my job. It's like an ethical boundary that I can't cross. So where do I meet me? I don't know. I don't know where to meet men short of when I go out and about and I'm with friends at at concerts or having lunch if if someone approaches me. I haven't been on a date in months. It's I think it's been months. But I will tell you that anytime a guy has the audacity to actually ask, because a lot of them behind the screen, the dating apps are behind screens and they they have a lot of guts and and asking questions, but they don't actually say Do you wanna go grab some coffee? Do you wanna go get a drink? Do you wanna go to this concert? You wanna go to movie or dinner? So whenever a man does, I say yes. Cause I think that's one of the best advice was I've ever been given was say yes. Say yes because dating apps are so one dimensional that if you actually go and meet them, someone you may not have been attracted to, you're totally attracted to. Or you can tell when you're in person versus, you know, a dating speaker-2: So if someone asked you for dating advice based on everything that you've experienced, what would you share with them? speaker-0: I would speaker-3: Say what I I experience a lot nowadays when with questions is like, how do I know? How do I know this person is meant to be my spouse? And that's after they've dated for a moment. This is probably the most common of late. And what I always tell them was like, do you have a peace about this person? Like a perfect peace. And if you do, it's not that the person's perfect, but do you have a perfect peace about it? Because if God's giving you that perfect peace, that's what you go with. And and I can testify that that's been my testimony about anything God has called me to do. If I had a perfect peace, like a storm-stilling piece, then I knew I'm like, I can't explain it, but this is it. And if it all things don't have to line up, but if you have a peace from God about it and that is that's sustained and you don't have a check in your system or a question in your heart, then I would say, like, that's what you dive into for knowing whether someone is the one. And then I would say when it comes to dating, I would just I would encourage, especially like I have more men come to me. And what I challenge them with is just purity because the pure in heart see God. It's one of the beatitudes. And I'll just never forget that. It's like if you're pure, you see God everywhere. And you see God in everything. You see it in the Word. You see it even in the most challenging like personality, you know? But when you see God. purely, then you also can see very clearly who should be in your life, who shouldn't be, what girl, or if I was talking to a girl, what guy is really aligned with them in the spirit, and that would be a good person to to partner with and be in in a relationship together to see if marriage is on the next step. So purity is one I would always challenge and encourage people with. And then peace. So purity and peace. speaker-2: Mention challenges of, you know, running your home. Your children are now basically adults. Are there challenges with having adult children and and being in the dating scene? speaker-4: think it was more challenging when they were younger, when they were still in high school. Like I said, my daughter she's she left home in twenty fifteen, went to college and never came back, stayed in Oklahoma. And then I had my two boys and after the the kind of the relationship that I was in that kinda went south, I actually promised my boys I would never bring another man in my home. That another man would never cross my threshold after a relationship soured until they graduated. My entire focus would be on their well being. And I did date outside that like but it was just you're not coming to my home. You're not picking me up. I'll meet you at the restaurant. I until I know something is gonna be that there's a spark and there's chemistry, you're not meeting my kid. So I was more protective. Now they're all adults and my youngest son went to college. He graduated last year and he went to college for one year. And I had one year, August to May, of being an empty nester. And I go, Now is my time. Now is my time that I can focus on me and I can find a partner who wants to hang out and do all the things that I like to do. And well, a a year went by and I I went on two dates, I think, the whole time. And I did it and I just now he's back home. He decided college wasn't his his jam and he entered an an apprenticeship program. So he's in an electoral apprenticeship program. So he's back home. It's a four year program. But I also understand and recognize that he is an adult. And so I told him, Hey, we're roommate. I'm I'm still I'm I'm mom, but I'm still a person and if I date and someone comes, then he's like, yeah and I'm like, Again, we're you've been on your own for almost a full year. You cooked and clean and did your own laundry, did your own shopping. So you're h at home, but I'm not picking up being mom taking care of you. You're gonna do it. And if I go out on dates, I go out on dates. If I go away for the weekend to go hang out with friends, you're grown. You can take care of yourself. So speaker-2: Shannon, we sure appreciated you coming on and sharing about the fifties and being single in the fifties. I think you're doing just fine. And I think when God's ready, he's gonna bring someone that's gonna knock your socks off. Yeah. speaker-4: I prayed a I prayed a I love that song. Have you guys ever heard the I think it's Matt still, I prayed for you, I didn't know what you look like, I didn't know anything, but I prayed for you for you and it's on my phone and I just I listen to it and I'm like Okay, like I don't know what you look like, I don't know anything about you, but I prayed for you and it it's gonna come. I believe that. I believe that. speaker-2: I love that. God gives us the desires of our heart when we're ready. And I I think you're independent and I I think you're ready. And thank you so much. Very nice to meet you, Shannon. Thank you. Thank you so much, Shannon. speaker-4: Yeah, that's it. You're welcome, Sheryl. speaker-2: Bye bye. How has your s singleness shaped your relationship with God? speaker-3: Let me think, okay, how has my singleness shaped my relationship with God? I think it's made it very intimate and dependent because like I get the privilege of not having my attention divided currently by like a spouse or by children. And so when I get up at five or five thirty in the morning, I can give God a full however much time I wanna give him, whether it's thirty minutes to an hour, like there's no interruptions besides my dog, you know? And I can give that all to him. And then throughout the day, the Lord really does have the space and the margin and the bandwidth to say, Ryan, do this or do that. And there really isn't any interruptions in my life other than the ones I create. And so the that's kind of the way it's it's always been. It's been a very intimate relationship from the very beginning. And then also very dependent. And I feel like I I hear God speak very continuously through my mind and I'm always intrigued when people are saying I don't know what God wants me to do here. I'm like, why don't you just ask? You know? Why don't you just ask? I'm like, I feel like all I do is I'll ask God. And almost immediately I hear a yes or no or a wait. And it's it's kind of interesting for me when other people don't have that experience because I feel like if you know the Lord's voice from his word, then when you ask questions, all you have to do is come in your heart, you just compare that to what you know of him. And immediately it's like there, there's an answer almost right in front of you. speaker-4: Yeah. speaker-2: It's just been a joy to have Ryan on and I already knew he'd be great, but you know. I knew you would be great, I just didn't think you would agree to do it. speaker-3: No, no. Thank you very much, ladies. Thank you. speaker-2: Yeah, and we sure appreciate it. speaker-3: Yeah, great to speaker-0: Meets you, Stacy and Susan. Thank you. speaker-2: So, Chris, are you looking for someone to compliment your life or are you good with your life the way it is? What do you think? Well, Sheryl, I tell you, I I'm feeling pretty good the way it is. I have some beautiful friends, I have a beautiful family that supports me daily. And, you know, I have an amazing relationship with God that I can build every day, which I'm I'm pretty good. Now I know I tease sometimes about, you know, that that man looks like I'd be interested in him. But you know, honestly, I'm I really am. I'm a I I think you're doing just fine. What I see. Thank you. When sure someone but if someone to walk into your life, hey, that's fine, but I think that you're doing just fine. Or pushed in when sure went through her divorce, I asked her what she missed and she said the companionship. Yeah. And I'm sure having someone that you know is going to be there is definitely something that I I feel like most people would appreciate. You know, some are are, you know, meant to be single and that's fine. But that there's an aspect of that that You know, just having that companionship. Yeah, absolutely. You know, I think about that sometimes, especially when I hang around, you know, or I'm at events or things with my friends and everyone is married. I'm usually the only one that is not. And I was teasing I I don't know if y'all remember that. We went out to your place, Sheryl, that time and we all were there for the weekend and I was just in I was admiring everyone's husbands and how kind they were. And of course I only see the the good easy side. I don't see all the hard side. But I was teasing Cher. I said, you know, if I could have a little bit of Johnny, a little bit of Andy, a little bit of some of the other husbands, I said, I'd be in good shape. A little bit of Johnny and you're like a little bit of Andy on this side. We sang a little bit of fun. You can make a small, yeah. That was so fun. We sang that because that was so funny. Because I'm like, gosh, if I could just have a little bit of mommies, I'd be in good shape. I'd be in great shape. We find a man that can work computers and fix things like Johnny and you would be a winner. Yes, I would be. I would be. Chris, we appreciate you joining us for this episode. We thoroughly enjoyed it and enjoyed talking to you and I know And we're not gonna stop looking for you. That's right. It's okay. I'm keeping my last if it's the right one the right one. And I sure thank y'all for having me. It makes my heart very happy. Thank you so much, y'all. I just love y'all. Well, we love you too. We'd like to thank our guests that have joined us, Ryan, Shannon, and Chris, as we discuss this very meaningful topic that a lot of people are experiencing. If you have advice that you would give to your younger self or would like to share their challenges and blessings of being single, please share them with us. In the comments, there's a lot of people that could use some good advice. For our next episode, we'll be coming off of a week-long trip. So that episode's gonna be on traveling together because it'll be all of us with our parent going on a train ride on the coast of California. Until then, remember life is messy, meaningful, and better when shared. Don't forget to like us, share us, comment, and subscribe. Thank y'all. Bye. Hi, thank you for joining the Just Us Sisters podcast. today we are continuing our podcast on the challenges and blessings of being single. this time we're going with the forties, fifties, sixties and beyond. And Shelly But you're doing great. What happened? I lost it. Okay, hold on. There's no beyond sixties. Yeah, I can remove and beyond. We're not doing over sixties. I'm not doing Star Wars version and beyond. Or Woody. Is it Woody? Yeah. and Ryan, a lot of times we have a lot of bloopers. We have a lot of bloopers. Okay. Stays speaker-3: I normally don't, so you don't have to worry about me at all. I'll just be perfect, okay? speaker-2: There. Well Tom thinks your white your teeth are absolutely gorgeous. That's all he talks about is can you find out what she uses on her teeth? Hey, thank y'all. Hey, Shelley, do I say thank you for coming back or what am I just saying? Our next guest go ahead and say that and if I need to put it somewhere else I can. Hey, thank y'all for joining us for part two of our That thing. Yeah. Of our Okay, let me start over. Thank you for joining us for part two of our podcast on beings the challenges and blessings being single, forties, fifties, and sixties. Do I need to introduce us? She said. Sorry, Chris. My name is Stacy. I'm the baby and don't have to say I'm the baby. Okay. We'll say that. speaker-4: I don't I don't sit at home on Friday night. speaker-2: Can you hear me? Yes, you're fine. There's something wrong with my No, it said you're continuing on a different track. It po you need a back. I don't know. This is part of it, Shannon. Yeah. speaker-4: Fine. speaker-2: Shelly gets rid of it. Now she wanted to I had a question. You don't need to. I I'm just gonna listen and if any of our listeners have a what was I asking Susan? Challenges or blessings of being sorry. Shelly, quit messing with your stuff. Okay. Wow. Shelley. What is it? Life is meaningful. Go to my text. Read it off my text. Messy, meaning meaningful and better when shared. We always get this part wrong. Life is beautiful, you're kind and all those other things. If you're interested in any of the singles that we have had as guests, feel free to drop us a a DM. One for Ryan. Love it, love it. We want to thank all of our guests that have joined us for this very meaningful All sixty six of you. Hey. Super Show. yes. I thought she's talking about the ones listening. No. Okay. We have a lot of Guatemalans, so maybe you'll get a call from one of them. Come on. As long as they don't ask me for money. No, they better have some money. Until then, life is meaningful or messy. Okay. And defin wait. And definitely better when shared.