Latest / Wellbeing Solutions - Ask A Counsellor / How can I manage guilt about resting or saying no?

Transcript

How can I manage guilt about resting or saying no? · Wellbeing Solutions - Ask A Counsellor

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: How can I manage guilt about resting or saying no?
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: Feeling guilty about resting or saying no is very common, especially if you are used to helping others, being responsible or putting other people's needs before your own.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: Guilt doesn't necessarily mean you've done something wrong, so you can manage guilt by reminding yourself that rest is a need, not a reward.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to earn rest by becoming exhausted first.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: Rest helps your body and mind recover so you can function well.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: Notice the thought behind the guilt.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: Are you thinking I should be doing something?
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: If you are, try replacing it with I am allowed to pause.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: Rest is part of looking after myself.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: Start with small amounts of rest.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: If complete rest feels uncomfortable, try ten to fifteen minutes without productivity.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: Having a drink, sitting quietly, listen to music or taking a gentle walk.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: Don't turn rest into another task.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: You don't need to make your rest productive.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes doing nothing is exactly what your nervous system needs.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: Remember that saying no is a boundary, not a rejection.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: You can care about someone and still be unable to do what they're asking.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: Give yourself permission to pause before answering.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of automatically saying yes, you could say let me think about that and get back to you.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: This gives you time to ask yourself whether you have the capacity.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: Expect some discomfort.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: The goal isn't necessarily to eliminate guilt immediately, it's to learn that you can feel guilty and still maintain your boundary.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: With practice, the guilt often becomes less intense.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: When you notice a feeling of guilt, ask yourself, am I actually doing something wrong or am I simply doing something different from what someone else wants from me?
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, resting doesn't make you lazy and saying no doesn't make you selfish.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: They can both be forms of self-respect and healthy boundary setting.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: If you are thinking of harming yourself or feel unsafe, please call your local emergency number or crisis line.