Latest / Start Your Comeback: Rebuilding after Divorce, Empty Nest, and Loss of Spouse / More Candles, Less Chill: My Birthday vs. The Comparison Trap

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More Candles, Less Chill: My Birthday vs. The Comparison Trap · Start Your Comeback: Rebuilding after Divorce, Empty Nest, and Loss of Spouse

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Is there a major life transition pinching you?
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_01: I know you may be asking, what's next?
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_01: What's my purpose?
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_01: What if?
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_01: Because I've asked those two.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to the Start Your Comeback podcast.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_01: I'm Tony Thrash, a certified life coach, and I want to share the tools and practical steps to help you create a winning game plan to move into your new adventure.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_01: And guess what?
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_01: It's my birthday week.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_01: Now, before you roll your eyes and think, oh great, another person announcing their birthday week like it's a national holiday.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_01: Hear me out.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_01: I'm really not that person.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_01: I don't really need a parade or 50 Facebook messages from people I haven't talked to since 2012.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_01: But I do think birthdays, especially as we get older, deserve some reflection.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_01: So today we're talking about transitioning through aging.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_01: What it feels like when the candles start to multiply faster than my patients, and how to make peace with the process without losing my joy.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_01: There was a time when my birthday meant balloons and friends and parties and laughter and of course cake.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_01: But these days it's a little bit quieter, a little bit simpler, and just a time to reflect on what's next.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_01: And honestly, I'm not mad about it.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_01: I've learned that birthdays stop being really about parties and start being about my perspective.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_01: Because somewhere along the way, I shift from celebrating what's next to appreciating what's been.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_01: And that's not depressing, it's just kind of grounding, it stabilizes us in a way.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_01: So when you've lived some life, like I have, I mean, I'm gonna be somewhere in my 60s.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_01: You start seeing the value in sitting still for a minute and just asking yourself these three questions.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_01: What did this past year teach me?
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_01: Who helped me grow?
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_01: And who or what do I need to release before I head into the next one?
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_01: So, yes, it's my birthday week, but it's also an inventory week, if you will.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_01: Because let's be real, the mirror doesn't lie.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_01: Some mornings I catch my reflection and think, who invited my mother to my bathroom mirror?
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not even kidding about that statement.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_01: It's humbling, but it's also holy because that face staring back at me, she's seen some things.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_01: She's survived some things, heartbreak and loss, and possibly maybe a few bad haircuts along the way.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_01: But the wrinkles and the gray hair, which by the way is covered up, the soft spots, uh, they're not evidence of decline.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_01: They're just an they're evidence of resilience because we're not falling apart, we're just being refined.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_01: I tell my clients all the time, life will change your appearance long before it changes your assignment.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_01: Your assignments really don't change, but our appearance often does.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_01: I can't stop the clock, but I can stop letting it control my confidence.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_01: Now, since it's my birthday week, of course, the social media memories pop up.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_01: There I am at 30, at 40, pretending to have it all together.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_01: And last year, smiling but quietly questioning, Am I where I thought I'd be?
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_01: And if you've ever scrolled on your birthday, you know the comparison trap is waiting for you like an unwanted party guest.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm talking about the comparison trap of where you were when you're 30 as opposed to where you are currently.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_01: But let me remind you, comparison has no business at your birthday party table, even if it's you comparing yourself to yourself.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_01: The number on your cake doesn't define your worth, it just proves you're still in the game.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_01: You've learned, you've grown, and hopefully you've started to care less about keeping up with people who aren't even running my race.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_01: There's a mindset shift that I've been practicing this birthday week.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_01: My age is not a deadline, it's a data point on this huge timeline of my life.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_01: And every year it gives me more information about who I am, what matters to me, and what I'm no longer willing to settle for.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_01: We don't get older so we can play it safe, we get older so we can play it smart.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_01: So when people say, Tony, you don't look your age, I just smile and say, Well, that's because I'm not living it either.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_01: Now, here's the thing: somewhere between the laughter, the cards, and the dinner plans, there's usually a quiet moment where I think, wow, time is moving fast.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_01: And trust me, it is.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_01: When I think about being 20 years down the road and seeing how my grandchildren grow up and how I want to be involved in their lives, it's moving fast.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_01: And I know that if I'm not careful, that thought will turn into fear, and then I start living in fear about what if, what is gonna happen over the next 20 years or so.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_01: But what if instead of fearing, and now I'm talking to myself, just thank time for teaching me patience, which still needs a lot of work.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you, the years, for showing me that slow doesn't mean stuck.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_01: And thank you for my age for helping me see what truly lasts.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_01: That's the kind of gratitude that steadies us when life feels uncertain.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_01: So if your next birthday is coming up, or it's this week, or you're in that, what am I even doing with my life stage?
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_01: Take a deep breath.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_01: You're not behind, you're just becoming.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_01: And here's my birthday wish, and I hope it's yours too.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_01: I was on a phone call with a client the other day, and they were like, What can I get you for your birthday?
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, Nothing.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_01: And so when your birthday week turns up, you get the questions, what do you want?
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_01: Honestly, I just want some peace.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_01: I want laughter with my family, my kids, my grandson, just around dinner table.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_01: I want to have courage to keep saying yes to the next chapter, even when I don't know how it ends, how it looks.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_01: And if I could give you a gift through this microphone, it would be the same peace, laughter, and courage.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_01: Because that's what this next season demands.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_01: We're not here to count the years, we're here to live them out well.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_01: Let's do a little birthday exercise together.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_01: Grab your journal, a cup of coffee, and just take a few minutes to answer these.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_01: Number one, what are three things I'm proud of from this past year?
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_01: For me, they were not necessarily big things, they were small ones.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_01: Like the amount of time that I got to spend with my grandson this year, the fact that my younger son moved closer after being not quite an hour away.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_01: And then finally, just being able to do the things that I love, like teach sixth graders and love my friends well, and just learn a new skill.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_01: I learned to play mahjong this year.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_01: So those are those are three things that I'm proud of.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_01: They're so small and so simple.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_01: Number two, what do I want to leave behind as I step into this new year?
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_01: My answer is probably always going to be fear, perfectionism.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_01: I've got a book coming out, and it's not coming out when I thought it was gonna come out.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_01: It's been pushed back a few months because I want it to be perfect, and not necessarily perfect, but there's some things that just need to change in it.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm gonna have to work through that and let part of that go because I still want it to be a benefit to you, the listener, and my readers, because there's no limit on this topic.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_01: And then number three, what do I want to grow into this year?
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_01: There's some small things that I want to grow into.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_01: One being just having a clear mindset and just knowing where I'm headed, what I'm doing, and surrounding myself with the people that know how to get those things finished.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_01: Um, a habit.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_01: I am contemplating teaching myself how to crochet.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_01: It was something that my grandmother did when I was a kid, and I'm thinking about learning how to do that.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm gonna start walking toward that and then just taking that one small comeback step at a time.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_01: Just remember your comeback doesn't need a calendar date.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_01: But since it is my birthday week, let's go ahead and use it as a reason to start fresh.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_01: Getting older is underrated.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_01: You care less about fitting in and more about standing firm.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_01: You stop explaining yourself and start expressing yourself, and that's the beauty of having lifelong friends.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_01: You don't have to explain yourself because they know you, and they can read you like a book and they can tell you exactly where you are.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_01: I want to laugh louder and more often, and I want to learn to say no a little bit faster.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_01: Because when you do this, you start to see God's fingerprints over your years that you once thought maybe he was absent.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_01: He's been here the whole time.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_01: You see, that's the wisdom, that's growth, that's the reward of staying in the game long enough to see how the plays come together.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_01: So here's to another trip around the sun.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_01: Here's to some lessons learned, the laughter shared, and the courage to still come.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_01: I may not know what this next year holds, but I do know this.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_01: The clock's still ticking, and guess what?
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_01: I'm still in the game.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_01: And if you're listening to this, guess what?
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_01: So are you.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_01: So whether your birthday is next week or six months away, start celebrating your life now.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_01: Don't wait for cake, don't wait for someone to validate your value.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_01: Why?
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_01: Because you woke up today, you're still growing, and that, my friend, is worth celebrating.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_01: And as for me, I'll be doing what I always do, reflecting, laughing, maybe eating some cake, and thanking God that He's not done with me yet.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_01: Come sit with me.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_01: Let's celebrate getting older, wiser, and stronger together.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_01: Because your best season isn't behind you, it's right in front of you.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_01: I'll see you next time.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, thanks for listening.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_01: I don't take it for granted that you're here.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_01: You didn't listen by mistake.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_01: If you want to reach out, you can DM me on Instagram at Tony Thrash.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_01: Until next week, remember, there's still time left on the clock.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_01: Let's get you off the bench to start your comeback.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_01: I want to give a special shout out to Country Club for the original music.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_01: You can find them on Instagram at Country Club.