Latest / Edan Haddock - Total Talent / What Drag Queens Taught Me About Mentorship (And Why Corporate Got It Wrong)

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What Drag Queens Taught Me About Mentorship (And Why Corporate Got It Wrong) · Edan Haddock - Total Talent

• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to Eden Haddock Total Talent.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: I am your host, Eden Haddock, Head of Talent and People Experience at Movember.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: This week at Movember, we launched our Momentor program.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I got matched with a mentee, which is so great.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm so excited.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: Genuinely, I absolutely love that we're doing it.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I love that we're investing in people like this.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: Because everyone talks about development and everyone talks about growth.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: But very few organizations actually put structure, time, and intent behind it.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: So this matters.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: And being matched today, it made me pause.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: And to be honest, I didn't expect that.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: Because I really believe in mentoring.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: I've benefited from it.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: I've done it informally for years.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: But something about it this time, it felt different.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I started asking myself a question that I don't think we ask enough.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: And that question is what are we both actually signing up for?
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: When we reach out for a mentor or when we say yes to mentoring?
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm not talking about what the program says, and I'm also not talking about what the framework says.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: But what does it actually mean?
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: If I'm honest, a lot of what we call mentoring in the corporate world, it doesn't always land the way we think it does.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: And that thought, well, it took me somewhere I wasn't expecting.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: It took me back to a conversation I had a couple of years ago with Penny Clifford and Lisa Mann.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: I'm talking about a mother and daughter relationship in the drag queen world.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember walking away from that conversation and thinking, that's intense, that's real, and that's something else entirely.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: And so today it clicked.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: Because the more I thought about mentoring, the more I realized we might have been looking in completely the wrong place for what great mentorship actually looks like.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: Let's really sit in this for a minute.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: Corporate mentoring.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: We've all seen it, and most of us have been part of it.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: And on paper, it really looks great.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: It can be structured, intentional, people focused.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: You get matched, you get guidelines, you get cadence.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: Tick tick tick.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: And then reality kicks in.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: The first session happens, it's good.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: There's energy, there's curiosity.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: You both show up prepared.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: The second session, still good.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: Then often the third session, life starts creeping in.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: Workload picks up, priorities shift.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: By session four, you're rescheduling.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: By session five, it's a let's catch up soon.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: And then it disappears.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: No big ending, no defined outcome.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: Just drift.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: And here's the thing: no one did anything wrong.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the uncomfortable part.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: Because often the model itself, it isn't designed for depth, it's actually designed for participation.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: There is a politeness problem.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: There really is something else going on as well.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: Corporate mentoring is too polite.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: We don't want to offend.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: We don't want to push too hard.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: We don't want to overstep.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: So what do we do?
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: We say we we stay in safe territory.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: Advice, suggestions, light coaching.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: But we rarely go here.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: For example, you're not showing up the way you think you are.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: Or this is the thing that's holding you back.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: Or even if you don't change this, nothing else will change.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: Because that requires trust and honesty and a level of investment.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: And that level of investment, it's really what corporate mentoring relationships never actually reach.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: Now go back.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: Before corporate, before HR frameworks, before development programs.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: Mentorship came from apprenticeship, blacksmiths, carpenters, tradespeople.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: You didn't sit down and talk about growth.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: You worked side by side.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: You watched, you tried, you failed.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: And someone corrected you in real time.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes not gently, but effectively.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: Because the goal itself wasn't to make you feel good.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: The goal was to make you better.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: And there was something else baked into that model.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: Your success.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: Your success reflected on them.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: There was pride in it, ownership, responsibility.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: Now compare that to a corporate mentoring program where if it works great.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: And if it doesn't, no one really notices.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: The drag model.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: Now, let's go back to that conversation.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: Penny Clifford, Lisa Mann.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: Again, I'm talking about the mother-daughter relationship in drag.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: Now I remember thinking at that time, this is mentoring.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: But it's not mentoring as we know it.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: Because in drag, this is identity, this is survival, this is belonging.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: A drag mother doesn't just guide, she brings you in.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: She gives you a name, a space, a platform.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: She teaches you how to perform, but also how to carry yourself.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: How to deal with criticism.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: How to handle the room.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: How to own who you are.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: And the daughter isn't passive in this.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: She shows up.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: She learns.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: She earns it.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: There's pride in being part of a house.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: There's expectation.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: There's standards.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not hidden.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's visible.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: Public.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: Connected.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: This is the bit I keep coming back to.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: Corporate mentoring focuses on skills.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: Drag mentorship focuses on identity.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: And those are not the same thing.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: Skills say, here's how you do the job.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: Identity says, this is who you are and when you do it.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the difference.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: That difference is everything.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: Because careers don't accelerate on skill alone, they accelerate on presence, confidence, clarity.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: And someone seeing something in you before you fully see it yourself.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_00: Let's talk about houses.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: Because something corporate, this is something corporate just doesn't replicate well.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: In drag, you belong to something bigger than yourself.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: You're part of a group.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: There's shared identity, shared energy, and shared pride.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: And then that creates momentum.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: Because you're not just growing for yourself, you're representing something.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: Now, looking at corporate, we say things like community and networks, but mentoring is still mostly one-to-one, isolated, no shared identity, no collective energy.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: And because of that, it can lack weight.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: This is where it gets uncomfortable again.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: Because drag mentorship isn't soft.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: It's supportive, but it's not soft.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: Feedback is direct, expectation is clear, and standards are high.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_00: Because again, there's pride attached.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: Now compare that to corporate, where feedback in mentoring often sounds like you might want to consider, or have you thought about that?
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_00: It's optional language, it's passive, non-committal, low risk, but also at the end of the day, low impact.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: And then there's this legacy.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: In drag, your daughter is a reflection of you.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: Their success, their presence, their reputation.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: It ties back to you.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: Now imagine if that was true in corporate.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: Imagine if every person you mentored was visibly connected to you.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_00: If their growth was part of your story, your reputation, your leadership.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: Would you show up differently?
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: Of course you would.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: So coming back to this week, Momentor, being matched with someone, it made me think.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want it to be polite or surface level or safe.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: I want it to matter.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_00: And if that means I've got to show up differently, more invested, more honest, more accountable, and I've got to create space for them to do the same.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: So what do we do with this?
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: Because we're not going to turn corporate mentoring into drag houses overnight.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: That'd be fun.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_00: But we can shift the mindset.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: From advice to investment, from sessions to relationships, from guidance to identity, from optional to meaningful.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe most importantly, from low stakes to shared accountability.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: So here's where I've landed.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe mentoring isn't broken.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe we've just diluted it.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_00: Made it too safe, too structured, too disconnected from identity.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe the best version of mentoring was never meant to live inside a program.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_00: Because the most powerful version of it is human, raw, visible, accountable.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: And honestly, the drag world figured that out years ago.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're mentoring someone right now, ask yourself, are you just giving advice or are you shaping someone?
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're being mentored, ask yourself, are you just listening or are you becoming something?
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_00: Because that's the difference.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe, just maybe, the future of mentoring, it looks a little less like a framework and a little more like a house.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_00: This is Eden Haddock.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_00: This is Total Talent.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for tuning in again.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_00: And as always, stay on the tools.