Latest / The Entrepreneur's Wife: Finding Purpose as the Helper of a Small Business Owner in a Feminist Obsessed World / "I Want to Do Something too." The Guilt Pursuing Your Own Ambitions

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"I Want to Do Something too." The Guilt Pursuing Your Own Ambitions · The Entrepreneur's Wife: Finding Purpose as the Helper of a Small Business Owner in a Feminist Obsessed World

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: What is up, guys?
• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Entrepreneur's Wife podcast.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Carly Rains.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: If you're new here, this is a podcast where we find purpose.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, y'all.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: I am totally butchering our mission statement.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: This is about finding purpose as the helper to our small business owners in this feminist obsessed world.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, it's been a while.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: For a minute, I was like, oh my gosh, I forgot.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but so this is really going to wrap up our last episode for season one.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: We've done about 60-ish, maybe 70 episodes for season one, and season one has been wonderful, and I've just done a lot of growth.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: This is going to wrap that up, and next week we are going to officially start season two.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: And season two is gonna be a little more structured, and I also want to incorporate video into our season two.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: So um I will be, and this is kind of gonna go into the topic for today's podcast.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: Today's topic for today's podcast is I want to do something to the guilt of pursuing your own ambitions, especially as the wife to an entrepreneur and a mom and a Christian.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna get into all that.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: So this is a good kind of segue to season two because this concept of the entrepreneur's wife is something really heavy on my heart.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: And what we're gonna get into today is just the guilt of pursuing your own ambitions.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm gonna be honest and up front with y'all.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna add some scripture in.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but my goal in this podcast is to create a community of women, like-minded women who understand what it means to be an entrepreneur's wife, especially from the Christian perspective, and a support system in a community where we can help one another encourage, celebrate one another in these moments.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I got this, I had a podcast actually before this podcast called the Whole Lot of Jesus Podcast.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: That podcast, you can still find all the episodes on YouTube.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think they are available anymore on Spotify or Apple Podcasts.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: I think they're just available on my YouTube channel, so you can go to Carly M.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: Reigns on YouTube to um watch that.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: But I did that podcast for I think two and a half, one and a half years, two years, something like that.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: And that podcast was really about like testimonies.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I got a bunch of different testimonies about marriage, about ministry, about a bunch of different topics, um, of how like the Lord changed people's lives, and it was great.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I saw actually a bunch of like growth um through that, but I ran into a wall, especially in the second season, because I did not feel like I had a clear picture of who I was trying to help, like you know, they talk about your avatar, and this is just since this is a business podcast, when you're doing anything, there is a specific person that you're trying to help.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: And so I could not really I didn't really know who I was trying to help.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: Am I trying to help a 18-year-old who's a female and she's struggling with identity?
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: Am I trying to help a married couple who is now having kids and they're in their mid-20s and life is crazy?
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: And like just the the testimonies were all over the place, and so I pivoted and I really prayed about like, okay, Lord, like what is next for podcasting?
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: Because I really feel um called to use this platform for your glory, and I felt like he opened my eyes to hey, there is a group of women there that are entrepreneurs' wives that um I I want you to speak into and encourage and pour into.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: And this came from a place of pain.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: I was struggling as an entrepreneur's wife during this time to really find a sense of community, and I, you know, there wasn't that much out there.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: There really wasn't that much out there um when it came to just community with being an entrepreneur's wife, especially from the Christian perspective.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: And so I was like, you know what, this is a topic that I can hit hard on.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: We can talk about faith, motherhood, being a wife, business, um, our own callings, just all that stuff that I actually am super passionate about in the season that I'm in.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: And so the entrepreneur's wife was birthed.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I have always thought about writing an actual book called The Entrepreneur's Wife and really talking about this perspective of what it's like to be an entrepreneur's wife and what I've learned over these four years of being an entrepreneur's wife.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I've been in the business for six years going on seven years, but I haven't been his wife for that full time.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: I've only been his wife for four years going on five years.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: So this podcast was birthed and I did a pivot, and I have genuinely loved it.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: I tried not to stress about, you know, camera and video and all of that.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: I um wanted to make it simple but also effective.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: And so I uh listened to a great lady who's a Christian business owner, and she just said, you know what, just start.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: And many, many successful podcasters like the Perries, they started with literally a microphone and audio in their closet, and that's how they started the first few seasons of their podcast, and now they have a great setup, cameras and mics, and and an actual room, but they started out just like this.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: I'm literally sitting on my bed rocking my five-month-old, talking in a microphone, and watching the little lines go back and forth on my audio on my computer.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: And this is where we're starting.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: So this is season one.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so season two, I really want to be more intentional, and this is where we're gonna get into today's topic of really the guilt that I think a lot of women feel um with having ambitions and goals, but also trying to balance supporting their husband and being a Christian and a wife and a mom and raising kids and just the stupid pressure that we feel um when having these conversations.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: So moving forward for season two, okay, um, we are going to have these different categories, if you will, to help frame what you what you need to know and what you need to expect um moving forward.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: So there's really four recurring themes.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: Um and and I I I kind of want to say five.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: There's five recurring themes um within this topic.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: And that that is our faith, so the Christian aspect of being a Christian, um, marriage, like when you think of the big umbrella of the entrepreneur's wife, these are like the five different categories that kind of branch off of those, that big umbrella.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: So faith is one, like our Christian faith, how we are growing and maturing um as women of God.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: Um, our marriage, that is like point number two.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: And how do you balance a business on top of your marriage, on top of family, and and how do you separate them?
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: That's been another big kicker in Breston and I's conversations is I don't want all of our conversations to be about business.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: Um, even though we work together in the business, like I want to have personal conversations, personal goals, you know, I want to connect.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: And so marriage is a big one.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: Um, our purpose.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: So, like as a wife, you still have a purpose and you still have an identity outside of being a mom and being a wife and being an entrepreneur's wife.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you still have a purpose, God still has assignments and things He wants you to do outside of just being an entrepreneur's wife, and that's gonna be a big one we're going to talk about because I feel like that is the season that I'm in.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: So, purpose is a big one.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: Stewardship is a huge one, okay?
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: So, whenever it comes to finances and stewarding our bodies and stewarding our family life, like being good stewards, and I really um started this community before I had kids called Stewards of Faith.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: And this was a community that I wanted women, especially moms, um, but women of God, to learn how to steward, be a steward of faith.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I will probably do a whole episode on this, but stewarding your finances, stewarding your fitness, stewarding your faith, stewarding um just being a mom and what that looks like, being an entrepreneur's wife.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: So stewardship is a big one, and then the last one, of course, is business.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: Um, because even though you might not like be working specifically for the business, you're still working for the business.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: Like, let's be real.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: This is a family small business, so there's things that I do for Briston that I don't get paid for, and it's just because I'm his wife, and that's a part of it, and um, you still have a role to play like as the entrepreneur's wife.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_00: So those are the five areas that I'm going to kind of organize the episodes through is these five different areas, and I um I still I'm still definitely gonna do once a week um podcasts.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: But okay, so today's episode, let's get into today's episode.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: I can give you more information about the next episode, um, the next season next week.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: But today's episode is I want to do something too, and the guilt that we feel pursuing our own ambitions, guys.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: This is something I constantly struggle with, okay?
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: We know as Christians, you are to deny yourself, pick up your cross, and follow Jesus.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I have been wrestling with the just how do I deny myself, pick up my cross, and follow Jesus while also being intentional about the goals and ambitions that I feel God has called me to do?
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_00: Like at what point am I being selfish for pursuing my own endeavors?
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: And at one point am I, you know, not being intentional, and I am disobeying the Lord by putting everything before whatever I feel like he's calling me to do.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: And this is something that I have wrestled with since becoming a mom.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: And since becoming a mom of two kids.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: We when we started um doing the business full-time, okay, there was a point where Briston, when we got married, I'll start here.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_00: When we got married, Briston said he wanted when he graduated college, because he hadn't graduated college yet, he was a senior for his bachelor's, he said he wanted when he graduated to do the business as his full-time job.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: He did not want to have to have another full-time job and do the business because he wanted the business to grow and he felt called to be an entrepreneur, and he is an entrepreneur, so I knew that.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: So to help him financially, because the business was very small back then, I worked full-time at our university.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: This helped pay for school for him, school for me.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: It also helped with our housing because we got university housing on campus, which was much more affordable than outside of campus.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: And I worked full-time um in order to help him build Texas Outlaw.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: So he could focus on that, and I could work um and provide financially.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: So we lived off of pretty much what I made, which was very small.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: It was very it was barely anything.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_00: Then towards the end of his almost graduating with his bachelor's, we felt led to move to Texas after he graduated.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: And we were intentional about saving money because moving is expensive.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: And we prayed about what I was supposed to do, my purpose, um, during that time of our move.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_00: Am I supposed to get another job in Longview?
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_00: Am I like what am I supposed to do?
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_00: And during this time, we felt like God was saying, no, you're not supposed to work, you're supposed to stay at home.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_00: And so for about a year, Briley was born, our first daughter was born October of 2024, and we moved to Texas in August, or no, September, I think it was September, August or September of 2023.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: So the year before that.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I got pregnant with Briley, like December, I think, or January, January, I think, of 2024.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_00: So literally three to four months after we moved to Longview, I find out I'm pregnant.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_00: And if you don't know, I have narcolepsy, and so I could not take my medicine and be pregnant at the same time.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_00: So it actually worked out that I did not find a job and that I stayed home because of the condition and having to get off my medicine.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_00: Well, during most of this time, I would help Bristol on the side.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_00: We would travel to races, we would put on races.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_00: I was trying to build my um figure out like what I wanted to do.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_00: I knew I wanted to write books.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_00: This is when I had published Leaning In 2024, and I was doing different devotionals, and I was beginning my writing career, and I loved it, and it was very, very slow growth, and it was so much fun, and I and I loved every day.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: I got the freedom to make content and write, and it was so much fun.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_00: Well, then we have Briley and October of 2024.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_00: We have Briley, and after we have Briley, the business just started growing so much that Briston needed help, and so I remember, guys, we had moved into a camper, we had moved out of our apartment.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_00: Um, Briley was like a few months old.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and the Lord asked me to sacrifice my writing and to not pursue writing and to help Briston with the business full time.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_00: I remember where I was sitting in the camper when I felt like the Lord was like, you need to lay down writing for right now and help Briston with the business.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I was so upset because I was internally like, when is it going to be my turn?
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_00: Like, when am I going to get to say no?
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_00: Like, this is important to me.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_00: I want to do it.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I got over it.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_00: I started working in our marketing department full-time, doing ads, email marketing, all the different stuff for that, customer service stuff, being Briston's assistant, doing a lot of administration stuff.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_00: And we would take Briley to the office with us.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: She was a baby, so it was a little easier.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_00: Well, then we found out we're pregnant again.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_00: And we're like, oh my gosh, now we have we're gonna have two kids under two.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember um Briston in 2025, he um we needed insurance.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_00: I was turning 26 years old, and um we needed we needed insurance.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: So uh he got a job at Big Sandy, and he did that, where he taught and coached, and um I'm trying to remember like the timeline of it because he briley was on his insurance, so he taught at Big Sandy, so he actually would like be a teacher and a coach and do the business, and we hired Asher, our first race director.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_00: And um I was still helping with the business, I was still doing stuff to help him because now he has this other job, full-time job, and so he still needs help with the business.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_00: And so I worked on writing some, but it wasn't like a full-time career that I was pursuing, it was like when I had time, you know, maybe once a week or whatever.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember attending Realm Makers, which is a Christian writing conference, in 2024.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_00: No, yes, no, 2023 was our my first year to attend it, and then I I can't remember, guys, I'm just all over the place.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_00: But anyways, I attended a writing conference, and I remember leaving the writing conference and especially these this past year, like this past year for 2026, when we had our second daughter, like in December of 2025, I stepped away full-time from Texas L.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_00: I told Briston I can't do this full-time anymore, like we're gonna have two kids under two.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I I need to focus on them.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_00: I had our second daughter in March of this year, 2026, and I just remember this year the Lord being like, I want you to focus on running your fitness journey and writing, and I want that to be your focus, running and writing, everything else you say no to.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_00: And the way I can only describe it is the longer the year has gone on, I feel like the more I feel called and the urgency to pursue writing, to pursue ambitions that I have.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember Briston when he created Outlast, um, we were in the Bass Pro shop in Tyler, Texas, and he was really at this point he was studying like flagship um products and things that you can recreate anywhere very easily, and he wanted to create a flagship type event for our company, and we were in the batch pro shop and he stopped us midwalk and said, Carly, I have to figure this out.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_00: Like he felt so much of a burden and an urgency, he said, We have to figure this out right now, and as entrepreneurship's wife, I cannot judge him for what God wants him to do versus what's his flesh.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I cannot make that call.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_00: All I know is my husband is a man after God's own heart, he pursues the Lord's will, he is very good at what he does in terms of business, and who am I to shoot down an opportunity that actually might be from the Lord?
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_00: Like an idea that actually might be from the Lord that God wants him to focus on.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_00: So we're in the Bass Pro shop, trying to enjoy our weekend.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, really?
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_00: Like, we're gonna talk about business right now.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_00: Like, that's what you initially go to, but I knew no, like he needs help right now.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_00: This is this is a moment where I can deny myself, I can shoot down my flesh, and I can be like Christ and say, Okay, honey, like how can I help you?
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_00: Because you are emotionally distraught right now, and this isn't going to help our relationship if I just blow up at the fact that it's the weekend and it's not supposed to be about business.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_00: And so we talked through it and he came up with Outlast, and just verbally talking through it really helped him.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_00: And that moment that that's gonna be like ingrained in our memory because of his urgency to make something happen.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_00: And it's reminded me that if I feel an urgency to do something, if I feel if I guys, I can't tell you enough, stop downplaying the urgency that God has put in your heart, stop ignoring it, stop blowing it off, stop saying, Well, I'll do it later, or well, I'll do it when the kids are older, or well, I'll start it da da da da da blank.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_00: No, if you feel that urgency, if you feel that burden, if you feel like I have to do something, like like God is calling me to do something.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: Please listen to it.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_00: Because I'm sitting here and I am looking at the past six years of my life.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_00: And there have been so many times where I could have been writing.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_00: I could have been working on my craft.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_00: I could have been writing a book.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I chose instead to make excuses and not do it.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't listen to the urgency.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't listen to the ideas.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_00: I blew it off.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_00: And so who am I to complain to God and say, God, why am I not being used?
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_00: Why, why is this not happening when God's saying, Carly, I've been giving you the desire for six years and you're not acting upon it.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_00: You're just sitting there doing nothing.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_00: And at least my husband is acting on this urgency.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm seeing the success of it.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_00: I'm seeing his growth and him acting on an urgency that he says could have been from the Lord.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_00: And it's so funny, right now we are in the developing process of another urgency for the business.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I, guys, I love it.
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_00: I love being a part of his ideas for the business.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_00: He's such an idea fanatic.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_00: But I mean, both of us are.
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_00: Like I get book ideas all the time, and he gets business ideas all the time.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I love, I love being a part of it.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm telling you, you're not selfish.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_00: Like we're believing this lie, and I fall for it too.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_00: You're believing this lie that if you pursue something, a goal, an ambition, an idea, a career, blank, fill in the blank.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_00: You're believing this lie that if you pursue it, you are not a good mom, you're not a good Christian, you're not a good wife.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I am believing that lie.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_00: And that lie is straight from hell.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_00: Because I know that I look at the Bible and I look at women in the Bible and I look at how much God used women in the Bible.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_00: There's this whole debate in the in the Christian church of, well, can women be pastors and can da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da and da-da-da-da-da-da-da fill in the blank, right?
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_00: And we get so technical.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_00: Am I following the rules?
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_00: Am I staying in my lane?
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_00: Am I am I staying in the box?
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_00: Am I doing it all right?
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_00: And and God's like, you're you're not doing it.
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_00: You're not doing anything.
• 24:17
  SPEAKER_00: Like you're so fixated on these ideas of what it should look like and what it should be that you're not even acting upon the urgency of the Holy Spirit.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_00: And so I first want to say, when Christ says deny your flesh, pick up your cross and follow him, that doesn't mean that you sit at home like a vegetable and you stay at home with your kids full time and you don't use your mind and you don't use your gifts and your talents.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_00: That's not what that means at all.
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I have come to believe that lie.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_00: Like, y'all, I remember confessing to my husband the other day, because I'm I'm gonna start going back to the office.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_00: We're we're getting Bradley a babysitter one day a week, and I am gonna start going back to the office.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_00: I need it.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_00: I'm telling you right now, as an entrepreneur's wife, I need it.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_00: Because these past five months, I have, yes, have I created some content and am I doing this podcast and have I been writing some?
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 25:23
  SPEAKER_00: But I feel an urgency.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I I remember telling Briston, I remember telling him, I confess the other night, I said, Briston, I said, I am believing this lie that I am not a good Christian wife or a good Christian mom if I don't stay home full-time and homeschool my kids.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_00: Like, God forbid I send them to a public school.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_00: God forbid I have a career for myself.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_00: God forbid, God forbid I have professional goals and ideas that I want to pursue.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_00: God, God forbid.
• 25:59
  SPEAKER_00: That's that's being selfish.
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_00: That's not being a good mom.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_00: That's not being a good wife.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_00: And it's such a lie.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_00: It's such a lie.
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_00: Like I even say it out loud, and I'm like, Harley, that's so stupid to think.
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_00: Because y'all, God created you.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_00: I have to tell myself all this all the time.
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_00: God created you to be unique, and God created you to be you, to be original, as Sadie Robinson Huff says.
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, it's okay if you're sitting here as the entrepreneur's wife and you don't want to homeschool your kids full time.
• 26:43
  SPEAKER_00: Like, it's okay.
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_00: It's okay if you do want to do that.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_00: It's okay if you want to stay home full-time and just focus on your kids.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_00: It's okay if you want to have career goals and you're like, you know what?
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I want to raise my kids, but I also want to do this.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_00: It's okay.
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_00: And for the longest time, I wrestled with that.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_00: Like, am I do I just wait?
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_00: It do I just focus on my kids right now and I just do them full time right now, and then when they're older, and and then I focus on my writing career.
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, for a while I just kept thinking, like, when is it gonna be my turn?
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_00: Like, when is it gonna be my turn?
• 27:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't know, y'all.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_00: I I think yes, there's seasons to life.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_00: Like Ecclesiastes 3 is a great example of the different seasons that we go through in life.
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_00: There's spring, summer, fall, winter, and there's seasons to to our life, right?
• 27:45
  SPEAKER_00: Like you're single, and then you get engaged, and then you get married, and then eventually your spouse is gonna die.
• 27:51
  SPEAKER_00: Like, there's seasons to your life.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_00: Parenting, you're like hands-on raising your kids, and then they become super independent, and then they move out of the house, and then they find their own family.
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_00: There's seasons to life, and I understand there's times where God's like, I want you to be patient, I want you to wait.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_00: But right now, I I don't feel that way.
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_00: Like right now, and that's something I encourage you to do.
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_00: You're sitting here as an entrepreneur's wife.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_00: I encourage you to pray and ask the Lord, Lord, what season am I in?
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what season of my life am I in?
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_00: Am I in a season where I pursue my goals?
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_00: And am I in a season where you know I just I need to sit back and wait and it's not time yet?
• 28:37
  SPEAKER_00: Am I where is the urgency?
• 28:39
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what am I supposed to focus on in this season?
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's just the greatest question that we can ask is what am I supposed to focus on?
• 28:45
  SPEAKER_00: Quit overthinking, quit trying to follow certain standards or certain normalities that the society has created.
• 28:54
  SPEAKER_00: Even the church has created these roles, these gender roles that we should, you know, live up to.
• 29:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm here to tell you, I am not the ideal trad wife.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_00: Like I told Briston that the other day.
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_00: I said, Briston, I said, I'm not the ideal trad wife.
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, I stay home, but I'm ambitious and there's things that I want to do.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_00: And and there's times where I I just need a break from my kids.
• 29:17
  SPEAKER_00: Like I'm overstimulated, I'm overwhelmed, like I want to do something creative, and I have a passion for that.
• 29:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I just as women of God, I want to hone back to the Proverbs 31 woman who literally, guys, she she she does things.
• 29:37
  SPEAKER_00: If you go read that chapter of what she does, she rises early and she she actually like is an ambitious woman, she makes a profit, she has like her own business, and she's she's just not doing nothing.
• 29:51
  SPEAKER_00: And I think sometimes we fall trapped.
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_00: I fall victim to the lie that if I'm gonna be a great Christian wife and mom, then I need to have everything about my life just focused on my kids and my husband, and we lose ourselves in the midst of it.
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_00: And you give and you give and you give and you give to your kids and you give to your husband.
• 30:16
  SPEAKER_00: I'm literally in the thick of it.
• 30:18
  SPEAKER_00: I got two under two, and it's constant giving.
• 30:20
  SPEAKER_00: And there's times where I just want to take a breath and I just want to say, I just want to be by myself for 10 minutes.
• 30:25
  SPEAKER_00: Can I can I just have people stop asking me for something for 10 minutes?
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I I I mean, that's just the reality of what we go through.
• 30:34
  SPEAKER_00: And then your husband comes home and then he's asking questions, or he's wanting you to be intimate with him, or whatever the case may be.
• 30:42
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like a constant giving, constantly being overwhelmed.
• 30:47
  SPEAKER_00: And for the first time, I'm sitting here like, I want to do something for myself.
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I I I want to pursue the passions and the gifts that God has given me, and for the longest time, I have ignored them.
• 31:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm just being real, I've ignored them.
• 31:06
  SPEAKER_00: I've been I've ignored my call to writing.
• 31:09
  SPEAKER_00: I did not steward my call to writing like I should have in college.
• 31:14
  SPEAKER_00: I did not steward my call to writing before I had kids.
• 31:18
  SPEAKER_00: And now I'm in the thick of motherhood, and I am wishing and begging my past self.
• 31:25
  SPEAKER_00: I'm wishing that I would have been more intentional with my time, been more intentional with writing and my craft, because it's something that I'm willing to suffer for.
• 31:36
  SPEAKER_00: You know, people say the definition of passion is something that you're willing to suffer for.
• 31:41
  SPEAKER_00: I'm willing to suffer for it.
• 31:43
  SPEAKER_00: I figured this out with writing my first book.
• 31:46
  SPEAKER_00: I I've been writing and working on this book for six years, and it's something that I am willing to suffer for.
• 31:55
  SPEAKER_00: I it's hard.
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_00: Anything that you want to be great at is hard, but it's something that I'm willing to endure through.
• 32:02
  SPEAKER_00: I'm willing to suffer for it.
• 32:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to ask you like, what is that for you?
• 32:08
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what is the thing that you're willing to suffer for?
• 32:12
  SPEAKER_00: For Christ.
• 32:14
  SPEAKER_00: Because again, we we think, oh, I'm supposed to deny myself, pick up my cross, and follow Jesus, but Jesus never says be used and and you know, taken advantage of, and like we have like this false interpretation of that scripture.
• 32:34
  SPEAKER_00: I think what Jesus is saying is, what are you willing to suffer for for the gospel?
• 32:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what are you willing to lay down and and be used for Christ in?
• 32:50
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, I don't know what that is for you, but I just want to encourage you, it's not wrong to pursue personal ambitions and the guilt that we feel I mean the reason I told my husband, hey, I gotta go to the office once a week, and we need a babysitter one day a week, is because I felt so torn.
• 33:16
  SPEAKER_00: I would try to write when Biley's awake and when Carson's awake, and I I felt like I was ignoring them, and I and I hated it.
• 33:24
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, I'm not I'm not spending time with my kids like I should be.
• 33:29
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, people say you only get it goes the time goes by so fast, like you only have this time, like try to take it all in, it goes by so fast.
• 33:35
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, it does go by so fast.
• 33:38
  SPEAKER_00: I'm I'm not docking that.
• 33:39
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just saying like these are thoughts that are running through my mind of oh, I should be doing this, oh I should be doing that, you know, and so I'm writing and my head's thinking, well, you should be, you should be, you know, being intentional with your kids and you should be playing with your kids.
• 33:52
  SPEAKER_00: And then I go to playing with my kids and trying to do all that, and my the back of my writer brain's like, Well, you need to get in some words today, like you should be writing today.
• 34:02
  SPEAKER_00: When are you gonna get in words?
• 34:04
  SPEAKER_00: Well, you can't get in words in the evening because that's time with your husband.
• 34:07
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, well, you're supposed to take care of your body and you're supposed to be fit and have fitness, but you know, you do that in the mornings, and then you know, a lot of writers that I know they write during their kids' nap times.
• 34:19
  SPEAKER_00: Well, that's great, but I have narcolepsy.
• 34:21
  SPEAKER_00: I need to nap during my kids' nap times.
• 34:24
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so my life's gonna look a little different than theirs, and I need to be okay with that, and that's something too that I want to encourage you with is our life is gonna look different, even if you're an entrepreneur's wife, your life's going to look different, and that's okay.
• 34:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I think for the longest time I was ashamed of my life looking different than other moms and other wives, um, because we're in different seasons, and I I was trying so hard to be like them.
• 34:51
  SPEAKER_00: I wanted them to like me, I wanted a sense of community, and so I would try to be like other writing moms that I knew.
• 34:59
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, don't get me wrong, take tips from other people, but also understand that your life is going to look different than theirs, and I I would just get so fixated on well, what what's the Christian wife supposed to look like?
• 35:13
  SPEAKER_00: What's the Christian mom supposed to look like?
• 35:15
  SPEAKER_00: Like, how are we supposed to do this?
• 35:17
  SPEAKER_00: And it was overwhelming, it was not helpful, it was not encouraging at all.
• 35:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I mean believe in what you feel called to do.
• 35:32
  SPEAKER_00: At the end of the day, like if you feel called to do something, believe it.
• 35:39
  SPEAKER_00: I think for a while I was doubting Thomas.
• 35:42
  SPEAKER_00: Like I knew God was real and I knew he had a purpose for me, and I think doubting Thomas, like, he knew God was real.
• 35:48
  SPEAKER_00: He he knew the Messiah was coming or was here, like he he he knew these things, he believed these things.
• 35:56
  SPEAKER_00: But when the moment of truth came, doubting Thomas, he he I think he was so fixated on well, this doesn't look like what I thought it was gonna look like.
• 36:07
  SPEAKER_00: And it causes him to doubt because it's not what he thought.
• 36:14
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, your life probably doesn't look like what you thought it was gonna look like.
• 36:19
  SPEAKER_00: My mom asked me the this morning, Carly, does your life look like what you thought it was gonna look like?
• 36:24
  SPEAKER_00: Heck to the no.
• 36:25
  SPEAKER_00: I can say certain parts of my life actually look a whole lot better than what I thought it was gonna look like, but I can also say I'm struggling in other areas because I thought at 27 years old I would have a book published by now.
• 36:39
  SPEAKER_00: And and I thought, I guys, I thought staying home with my kids full time was gonna be so much fun.
• 36:46
  SPEAKER_00: What was I thinking?
• 36:47
  SPEAKER_00: It is so hard.
• 36:49
  SPEAKER_00: I had no idea what I was getting myself into.
• 36:51
  SPEAKER_00: I thought I wanted a homeschool, and now I'm second guessing all these things.
• 36:55
  SPEAKER_00: I don't, I honestly don't know if I want to homeschool.
• 36:58
  SPEAKER_00: The idea of sending my kid to school so that I can pursue career endeavors, honestly, sounds very appealing to me.
• 37:07
  SPEAKER_00: I still want to be a parent, I still want to be involved in their life, but at the end of the day, I'm also like, is it wrong of me to say there's stuff that I want to do and there's goals that I want to accomplish?
• 37:19
  SPEAKER_00: Like, heck, I want to be a full-time writer.
• 37:23
  SPEAKER_00: I I want to be a best-selling author.
• 37:25
  SPEAKER_00: I want to go on book tours and go to speaking events and book signings and conferences, and like I want to suffer for that.
• 37:35
  SPEAKER_00: And at the same time, I want to be a mom.
• 37:39
  SPEAKER_00: I want to be a a Christian, a great Christian.
• 37:43
  SPEAKER_00: I I want to be a great mom to my kids.
• 37:46
  SPEAKER_00: I I want to be a great wife to my husband's business.
• 37:51
  SPEAKER_00: But how?
• 37:53
  SPEAKER_00: Like, how can I do all this?
• 37:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I I do believe that there are seasons.
• 37:57
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I do believe, well, right now you need to focus on this, and you don't you don't need to focus on this.
• 38:02
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I do believe there are priorities.
• 38:03
  SPEAKER_00: And God has taught me this year to say no to a lot of stuff so that you can say yes to the best stuff.
• 38:10
  SPEAKER_00: But what he's reminded me is just like what I feel called to do in high school.
• 38:16
  SPEAKER_00: I my mom asked me, Well, what do you feel like God's calling you to do?
• 38:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I told my mom, Mom, I feel like I'm called to be a Christian writer.
• 38:22
  SPEAKER_00: Like I want to be like Beth Moore and I want to write books.
• 38:28
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, my biggest question going through my mind is, do I pursue that right now or do I wait 18 years until my kids are grown and out of the house?
• 38:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I I guys, what what got me trapped was I was looking at, well, what did other Christian moms do?
• 38:47
  SPEAKER_00: What did other Christian wives do?
• 38:49
  SPEAKER_00: Well, this wife, she waited until her kids were grown.
• 38:54
  SPEAKER_00: Now she's in her 50s and she's pursuing writing full-time, and that's her full-time job, and that's what she does.
• 38:59
  SPEAKER_00: That's great, Carly, but that's not your life.
• 39:01
  SPEAKER_00: You're not her.
• 39:02
  SPEAKER_00: Well, this mom, she writes during nap times and she self-publishes books, and I don't know how she's so great at what she does, but she homeschools her kids and writes books, and she's a Christian and she writes during nap time, like that's her life.
• 39:18
  SPEAKER_00: Well, that's great, Carly, but that's not you.
• 39:21
  SPEAKER_00: And so I'm looking at all of these moms, seeing what they're doing.
• 39:26
  SPEAKER_00: Well, maybe this will work for my life, well, maybe this will work for my life, well, maybe this will work for my life.
• 39:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm finally realizing, no.
• 39:35
  SPEAKER_00: They're not, none of them are gonna work for your life.
• 39:38
  SPEAKER_00: Because they don't live your life, they don't have narcolepsy, they don't have two kids under two, they don't have the same goals and aspirations that you do.
• 39:50
  SPEAKER_00: They're actually not entrepreneurial wives.
• 39:52
  SPEAKER_00: Their husbands have a different job.
• 39:57
  SPEAKER_00: So at the same time, it's great to look at what other people do in the field that you want to pursue, but on the flip side, I don't think we should frame our life and be a copycat to what they're doing.
• 40:14
  SPEAKER_00: Because they're not us.
• 40:18
  SPEAKER_00: And this is where we get these Christian norms, these social norms, is we tell everybody you have to be the same.
• 40:28
  SPEAKER_00: All wives, you have to be the same.
• 40:32
  SPEAKER_00: All Christian wives, you gotta be the same, you gotta do the same thing.
• 40:36
  SPEAKER_00: All Christian moms, you gotta homeschool the same, you gotta, you gotta do this the same.
• 40:42
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 40:45
  SPEAKER_00: I think God's sitting on his throne, and number one, I think he cares too much about people's souls, and and he cares so much about our emotional, physical, and spiritual state that he's like, I want you to be a testimony in your own story.
• 41:07
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm trying to jump to people's stories and be like and be in their story and be like their story, and God say no, write your own story, like be intentional with your own desires and your own ambitions.
• 41:22
  SPEAKER_00: And this is where I want to I want to catch us because if God calls you to lay it down, then lay it down.
• 41:31
  SPEAKER_00: But if God doesn't call you to lay it down and he gives you the green light to pursue it, why are we not pursuing it with all that we have, with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength?
• 41:40
  SPEAKER_00: Why are we not doing it with excellence and doing it for his glory?
• 41:44
  SPEAKER_00: Why are we so fixated on religion and whether we're doing it right?
• 41:49
  SPEAKER_00: If God's given us the green light, then that should be good enough.
• 41:53
  SPEAKER_00: That should tell us it's okay to have goals, it's okay to have ambitions.
• 41:58
  SPEAKER_00: Don't feel guilty for it.
• 42:00
  SPEAKER_00: The Lord has the stamp of approval on it, and that's all that you need.
• 42:06
  SPEAKER_00: And so this podcast is getting long, but I just I want to encourage you as a mom and as a wife to pursue your goals and pursue your ambitions because they can change the world, they can be used for good.
• 42:21
  SPEAKER_00: You you you're a vital part in this whole world of spreading the gospel and advancing God's kingdom.
• 42:29
  SPEAKER_00: Like He wants to use you, He wants to use you in mighty ways, and we gotta get out of our head and we gotta say, Lord, here I am, send me.
• 42:41
  SPEAKER_00: And it's gonna look different than what other people think, it's gonna look different than what I thought, but I'm available.
• 42:48
  SPEAKER_00: There's a song and it's titled Available.
• 42:51
  SPEAKER_00: I'm actually gonna listen to it after this podcast.
• 42:53
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's called Available.
• 42:55
  SPEAKER_00: A Christian woman sings it.
• 42:56
  SPEAKER_00: She talks about making herself available for the Lord.
• 43:00
  SPEAKER_00: And that's our that should be our hearts.
• 43:02
  SPEAKER_00: We're making ourselves available so that through our gifts and talents, he can use them to bring Jesus glory.
• 43:11
  SPEAKER_00: Plain and simple.
• 43:14
  SPEAKER_00: We can do that as a wife, with kids, with no kids.
• 43:20
  SPEAKER_00: We can do it.
• 43:22
  SPEAKER_00: So get ready for season two, guys.
• 43:25
  SPEAKER_00: It's gonna be awesome.
• 43:26
  SPEAKER_00: I'll see y'all next week on the next episode.