Latest / In My Hometown / Joan Vassos: The First (and Only) Golden Bachelorette on Love, Midlife & Family

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Joan Vassos: The First (and Only) Golden Bachelorette on Love, Midlife & Family · In My Hometown

0:00
SPEAKER_01: Millions of people watched Joan Vassos Find Love as America's First Golden Bachelorette.
0:06
SPEAKER_01: But her story is so much more than reality TV.
0:09
SPEAKER_01: It's about embracing new chapters, taking risks, and proving it's never too late to find love or for reinvention.
0:16
SPEAKER_01: Today we're talking to her about her journey, what she's learned during the experience, how life has changed since that time, and what's next.
0:24
SPEAKER_01: And because Pascal was there from the first night, we're gonna hear a side of the story that only he can bring.
0:32
SPEAKER_01: You're in my hometown with Jamie and Pascal.
0:37
SPEAKER_01: Joan, welcome to In My Hometown.
0:39
SPEAKER_03: Thank you for finally made it.
0:42
SPEAKER_01: I'm so happy to be here.
0:43
SPEAKER_01: We're so happy that you're here.
0:45
SPEAKER_01: So two years ago, um, would if someone had told you, you know, that you'd be here and that all of this had to transpired, what would you have said?
0:54
SPEAKER_00: I would laugh at you.
0:56
SPEAKER_00: I am like naturally a really shy person up until I did this.
1:00
SPEAKER_00: I like like even if you think about my career, I was a computer programmer.
1:04
SPEAKER_00: I sat behind a desk and I wrote code.
1:06
SPEAKER_00: So I was like a nerdy math person.
1:09
SPEAKER_00: And so, and then in my marriage, my husband was, my late husband was very gregarious.
1:14
SPEAKER_00: So I was like the sidekick.
1:15
SPEAKER_00: I was the person over to the side, I was like the you know, person who took care of the kids, and I was, you know, the volunteer on like the school boards and stuff.
1:22
SPEAKER_00: Um, and then to put myself out in like such a weird public way, I I I don't, you know, uh I would have laughed at somebody if they told me I was gonna do that because I didn't even watch reality TV.
1:33
SPEAKER_00: So I would have had no clue about it.
1:35
SPEAKER_03: So let me ask you to refresh our viewer memories.
1:38
SPEAKER_03: Uh, how did you end up being in the first golden bachelor with Gary?
1:42
SPEAKER_03: Who signed you up?
1:43
SPEAKER_03: How did you end up being part of that that journey?
1:46
SPEAKER_00: So two glasses of wine.
1:47
unknown: Okay.
1:48
SPEAKER_00: That's how it happened.
1:48
SPEAKER_00: I would do it.
1:50
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that would do it.
1:50
SPEAKER_00: I was at a restaurant with a friend, and it had been two years since John had passed away.
1:55
SPEAKER_00: And um, I was saying to her, you know, I'm not getting, I feel like after two years I should be ready.
2:01
SPEAKER_00: I didn't feel ready, but I felt like in my head I should be ready.
2:03
SPEAKER_00: I said, My my head was saying, no, no, no, no, you're at you're not ready, but your heart is saying you got to do something.
2:08
SPEAKER_00: Um, so I was with a friend.
2:10
SPEAKER_00: We were sitting at the bar having dinner.
2:13
SPEAKER_00: And um I said, you know, I don't know how to go about this.
2:16
SPEAKER_00: I said, I'm not getting any younger, not getting any prettier.
2:19
SPEAKER_00: Um, I feel like I need to make a move.
2:21
SPEAKER_00: If I'm ever gonna find somebody, now is my time.
2:24
SPEAKER_00: And um I said, she's like, You're gonna have to go in a dating nap.
2:27
SPEAKER_00: I go, Well, God, I don't really want to go in a dating nap.
2:29
SPEAKER_00: That sounds like a lot of words.
2:31
SPEAKER_00: It sounds hard and like I don't know what I'm doing.
2:34
SPEAKER_00: And I said, I'd really like to meet somebody organically.
2:36
SPEAKER_00: And then I looked around the restaurant, I go, but look at this restaurant.
2:39
SPEAKER_00: I go, everybody here is a couple.
2:41
SPEAKER_00: And we kind of look around.
2:42
SPEAKER_00: She's like, Yeah, they sure are.
2:43
SPEAKER_00: I said, even if I saw, like, let's say I saw a good-looking man sitting across the bar that looked age appropriate, I would naturally think that he was taken, that he was already with somebody because everybody our age is with somebody.
2:56
SPEAKER_00: So, like my kids walk into a bar and they assume everybody there is single.
3:01
SPEAKER_00: I walk into a place and I assume everybody there is not single.
3:05
SPEAKER_00: So I was like, how do you even do this organically unless like somebody set you up or whatever?
3:09
SPEAKER_00: Um, and I also had friends and I'd say, you know, I'm open for a setup now, you know, if you're thinking about everybody's like, no, I don't know anybody that you would want.
3:16
SPEAKER_00: So it seemed really impossible.
3:19
SPEAKER_00: So I had my second glass of wine that night.
3:21
SPEAKER_00: I can walk to this restaurant.
3:22
SPEAKER_00: So I, if I'm feeling wild, I can have two whole glasses.
3:25
SPEAKER_00: And I go back home and I turn my TV on, and I've always been a fan of The Bachelor.
3:29
SPEAKER_00: I turn the TV show on, and the first commercial commercial is we are casting for a new bachelor season.
3:36
SPEAKER_00: The Golden Bachelorette.
3:37
SPEAKER_00: If you're in the second phase of your life, second chapter of your life, fill out this form.
3:42
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, that is like the universe talking to me.
3:44
SPEAKER_00: Now I don't have to figure it out organically.
3:46
SPEAKER_00: I don't have to be in a dating thing.
3:48
SPEAKER_00: So I fill out the form.
3:49
SPEAKER_00: I start it.
3:50
SPEAKER_00: It's like a hundred questions long.
3:52
SPEAKER_00: I get to about question 50.
3:54
SPEAKER_00: I'm on my phone.
3:55
SPEAKER_00: I'm not really good at typing on my phone.
3:57
SPEAKER_00: I've had two glasses of wine also.
3:58
SPEAKER_00: My name was Joan with a B for basos, because I wrote it, I typed it wrong for like the first six months of that when they were interviewing me.
4:05
SPEAKER_00: They didn't even have my name right because I did it wrong.
4:07
SPEAKER_00: So I fill out the form and I think they're never gonna call me because I quit after question like 50.
4:14
SPEAKER_00: And then I got a call like a month later.
4:16
SPEAKER_00: And then, as you know, how everything snowballs after that.
4:18
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you're right.
4:19
SPEAKER_00: So and the rest, as they say, is history.
4:21
SPEAKER_01: Here we are, right?
4:22
SPEAKER_01: Because a couple classes a week.
4:23
SPEAKER_01: Right.
4:23
SPEAKER_01: And so um then being called to be the golden bachelorette and being what is the first and maybe the only?
4:33
SPEAKER_01: I hope not.
4:34
SPEAKER_01: Do what do you think?
4:35
SPEAKER_01: I mean, do you think it's the last of the golden bachelorettes or I I don't know.
4:39
SPEAKER_00: I'm very uh confused about where this franchise is going.
4:44
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
4:44
SPEAKER_00: I think I've seen some changes over the years.
4:46
SPEAKER_00: So, first of all, Golden Bachelor was a change.
4:48
SPEAKER_00: They had never done that before, and that was a success.
4:50
SPEAKER_00: Gary's season was a a huge success.
4:53
SPEAKER_00: Um our season was a success.
4:55
SPEAKER_00: It feels like possibly Mel wasn't quite as much of a success.
5:00
SPEAKER_00: So I think about like the purity of the initial seasons, and you only get that with the initial seasons.
5:06
SPEAKER_00: So you only get that with the first of anything on The Bachelor, because once people come out and they see that there's a potential for fame or there's a potential to make money by being on this show, it loses its purity.
5:18
SPEAKER_00: So our season had that purity, Gary's season had that purity, Mel's season didn't, and it gets worse and worse as it goes on.
5:26
SPEAKER_00: So they have to keep figuring out iterations, otherwise, you end up with a show where most of the people there are trying to be influencers or trying to make money from it.
5:36
SPEAKER_03: But I want to go back, I want to go back to the the first season with Gary because I want to elaborate a little bit more about that.
5:42
SPEAKER_03: Uh so you sign up, they cast you, you knew who was the bachelor.
5:46
SPEAKER_03: Did you think then you had a a um were you attracted by Gary?
5:50
SPEAKER_03: Because I know you went on a one-on-one date with him.
5:53
SPEAKER_03: Were you attracted to Gary?
5:54
SPEAKER_03: Do you think Gary would have been a good match for you if you didn't have to leave because you have a family emergency, I believe.
6:01
SPEAKER_03: So you you went on a one-on-one date with Gary.
6:03
SPEAKER_03: I did, yeah.
6:04
SPEAKER_00: So I'll have to tell you, when they cast him, I wasn't at all attracted to him.
6:09
SPEAKER_00: I saw him on TV.
6:10
SPEAKER_00: They announced him on Good Morning America, and I was like, huh.
6:13
SPEAKER_00: And I thought about not going on the show.
6:15
SPEAKER_00: I thought, I don't think he's for me.
6:16
SPEAKER_00: I think he's a little old for me.
6:17
SPEAKER_00: He was 10 years older than me, more than 10 years older than me.
6:19
SPEAKER_00: I just didn't think he was for me.
6:21
SPEAKER_00: And then I kind of talked to myself in it.
6:22
SPEAKER_00: I was like, you know, I haven't really met him.
6:24
SPEAKER_00: They did some more promos.
6:26
SPEAKER_00: He became more desirable to me after I kind of got to know his personality a little bit.
6:31
SPEAKER_00: So I went on the show, and the first night I get out of the limousine and I walk up to him.
6:34
SPEAKER_00: I'm the last person out of the limousine.
6:36
SPEAKER_00: I'm the last person to arrive.
6:37
SPEAKER_00: I was so nervous by then, and he was so comforting.
6:41
SPEAKER_00: He like took my hands.
6:42
SPEAKER_00: I was like, I'm so nervous.
6:44
SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry.
6:44
SPEAKER_00: I forgot what I was gonna say, and I like was kind of an idiot.
6:48
SPEAKER_00: And he was really comfortable.
6:49
SPEAKER_00: He made me feel very comfortable in just like a few seconds.
6:52
SPEAKER_00: And I also looked at him, I'm like, he's the most beautiful blue eyes.
6:54
SPEAKER_00: He was really like handsome.
6:56
SPEAKER_00: He was an attractive attractive looking dude.
6:59
SPEAKER_00: He looked certainly was.
6:59
SPEAKER_00: When I saw pictures of him as a young man, he was very attractive.
7:02
SPEAKER_00: So I could see, yes.
7:03
SPEAKER_00: But there was something, yeah.
7:04
SPEAKER_00: And in person, he was more attractive than he was on like the promos and on TV.
7:08
SPEAKER_00: And then I got to know him, and he made me feel so uncomfortable, so comfortable in a what was incredibly uncomfortable situation for me.
7:14
SPEAKER_00: I was, like I said, I was just naturally shy.
7:16
SPEAKER_00: As you can see, I'm not anymore.
7:18
SPEAKER_00: But I was really, I was very nervous, I was very shy.
7:21
SPEAKER_00: I was also very uncomfortable being in the mansion because I thought, I I, you know, you spend your whole life trying to be like dignified and trying to be respected.
7:29
SPEAKER_00: And by the time you're 60, you either achieve that or you haven't.
7:34
SPEAKER_00: And it's you don't want to go backwards.
7:36
SPEAKER_00: And I was very aware that I could look very foolish or they could make you look very foolish on the show.
7:42
SPEAKER_00: They can make you do stupid things.
7:43
SPEAKER_00: I'd watch the younger bachelors, they do stupid things all the time, but they're young.
7:47
SPEAKER_00: It's excusable, like it's funny.
7:49
SPEAKER_00: When an old person does it, they just look old and they look stupid.
7:53
SPEAKER_00: And I was really, really, really careful that I didn't want to look stupid.
7:57
SPEAKER_00: And he like didn't put us in those kind of situations, he made us feel comfortable.
8:03
SPEAKER_00: So I did have, you know, part of a relationship is like feeling comfortable with a person, and I felt very comfortable with him immediately.
8:11
SPEAKER_00: I did get that one-on-one date, and we did have a rapport after that one-on-one date.
8:15
SPEAKER_00: Um, I if I look, you know, you're in the bubble, you know the bubble.
8:20
SPEAKER_00: The bachelor bubble is a real thing, and everybody's talking about how they like the person.
8:24
SPEAKER_00: And I don't know if you guys had these conversations because I wasn't there to listen, but like everybody is like, oh, I think I like him.
8:29
SPEAKER_00: I think I'm falling in love with him.
8:30
SPEAKER_00: And you're like, well, maybe I like him.
8:31
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
8:32
SPEAKER_00: Maybe I'm falling in love with him because everybody is, so he must be great.
8:35
SPEAKER_00: And I'm maybe, you know, I'm just not seeing everything.
8:38
SPEAKER_00: So I was in the bubble.
8:40
SPEAKER_00: I and the day I left, you know, I was very upset about leaving, but it was never a question whether I was gonna leave or not.
8:45
SPEAKER_00: And I got home and I could see things within a few days a little more clearly.
8:49
SPEAKER_00: I gotten a little more sleep.
8:50
SPEAKER_00: I've been with my family, and things were a lot more clear.
8:52
SPEAKER_00: And I and I was oh, I'm out of the bubble.
8:56
SPEAKER_03: The wine, the wine fitting was gone.
8:58
SPEAKER_03: Right.
8:58
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and then they offered to have me come back.
9:01
SPEAKER_03: Oh, I bet.
9:02
SPEAKER_00: My daughter was not still not in a good situation yet, so I couldn't go back.
9:06
SPEAKER_00: But they did ask me if I would want to come back, and I thought about it like first but second, like maybe I would.
9:11
SPEAKER_00: I maybe needed to explore this a little bit more, but I look back on the whole thing.
9:15
SPEAKER_00: He certainly wasn't the guy for me, but when I was there, I thought maybe he could have been.
9:18
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
9:19
SPEAKER_03: Okay.
9:19
SPEAKER_03: The last question I have for that season is I know in our season we had uh we uh we've built a tremendous amount of camaraderie among the bachelor.
9:29
SPEAKER_03: As you see, we went this weekend, we had uh five of them with us.
9:33
SPEAKER_03: Uh uh, do you have the same feeling with the you still in touch with a lot of the the women who were in the Gary season?
9:40
SPEAKER_00: So I was only there for seven days.
9:44
SPEAKER_00: So I know.
9:45
SPEAKER_00: So we did they film the first three episodes really quickly in that one week, that first week.
9:51
SPEAKER_00: So I made it through three episodes, but I was really only there for a short amount of time, honestly, not that long.
9:56
SPEAKER_00: Um, so a lot of people built deeper relationships than I did.
9:59
SPEAKER_00: I just didn't have that much time.
10:01
SPEAKER_00: I am good friends with uh four of them that I talked to a lot.
10:04
SPEAKER_00: So I talked to Nancy, she lives near me.
10:06
SPEAKER_00: We we vacationed together.
10:08
SPEAKER_00: She's a very, very good friend.
10:09
SPEAKER_00: I talked to um Susan and Kathy.
10:12
SPEAKER_00: Okay, we stayed in touch, and Christina, who lives on the West Coast, but she was one of my roommates, so she I lived with her.
10:17
SPEAKER_00: So, you know, we had the late night talks.
10:19
SPEAKER_01: So it seems to me like you um you avoided um, you know, uh a situation.
10:26
SPEAKER_01: Uh he turned out to be again again, as a viewer, he turned out to be a real D.
10:31
SPEAKER_01: Real D.
10:31
SPEAKER_01: He he's had some challenges.
10:33
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
10:34
SPEAKER_01: You know, I said a D.
10:38
SPEAKER_00: I'm the one who said that, Jimmy.
10:40
SPEAKER_00: I don't want to have to edit.
10:41
SPEAKER_00: I don't want to have to edit.
10:43
SPEAKER_00: So I have only known him as a really good guy.
10:46
SPEAKER_00: He was only very, very kind to me and has always been kind to me.
10:48
SPEAKER_00: And I'm still, you know, kind of friends with him.
10:50
SPEAKER_00: We don't talk very often, but we did, you know, for a while.
10:53
SPEAKER_00: Um, but I do see all that stuff that's out in the press.
10:57
SPEAKER_00: I did not read his book.
10:59
SPEAKER_00: Um, I mean, what was it like?
11:01
SPEAKER_01: You were in the studio audience for the finale of the Mal season.
11:07
SPEAKER_01: Was it a finale or something?
11:10
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and they had Teresa was there, and Leslie Gary was there with his new fiance.
11:14
SPEAKER_01: Leslie was there, and Leslie was a good one.
11:16
SPEAKER_00: What was it like being chocolate ones?
11:18
SPEAKER_00: No, but you were there.
11:20
SPEAKER_00: We were there together.
11:20
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
11:21
SPEAKER_00: I I had them on either side, chocolate on one side, Gary's on the other side.
11:24
SPEAKER_00: Um, like he has a lovely fiance, and so yeah.
11:29
SPEAKER_02: But if you're honest, you're not sure.
11:33
SPEAKER_03: Let's move, let's move forward.
11:34
SPEAKER_03: So now you've been asked to be the golden bachelorette, which is the first one ever.
11:38
SPEAKER_03: I think personally that's a great concept.
11:42
SPEAKER_03: So uh uh, I'm gonna speak a little bit of me.
11:45
SPEAKER_03: When I was asked to be part of the bachelor, the bachelorette, I wanted to know who he was.
11:50
SPEAKER_03: And in my mind, I had two people that was, and I'm not gonna mention the other person, but you were my my first choice.
11:57
SPEAKER_03: And uh, they didn't want to tell me who he was, and I was not gonna sign until I knew who he was.
12:02
SPEAKER_03: And finally they called me, they said you gotta keep secretly.
12:05
SPEAKER_03: This is John.
12:06
SPEAKER_03: So I went full tune, I went there.
12:08
SPEAKER_03: So now tell me a little bit about your experience about being the golden baster, the lead, having 23 men cater to you, and uh and so what we're gonna do.
12:17
SPEAKER_00: It was horrible, uh right.
12:18
SPEAKER_00: It was just awful having all those men like me.
12:20
SPEAKER_03: Well, but when you see them coming up out of the limo, who did you did you knew which one you wanted?
12:26
SPEAKER_03: Did you have any idea about the one you want to keep it?
12:29
SPEAKER_03: Do the do the production say keep this one, get rid of this one?
12:32
SPEAKER_03: Do they do they had a lot of influence on your decision making regarding who you wanted to keep in the show?
12:39
SPEAKER_00: So uh not really an influence on they didn't pressure you to keep certain people um and send home certain people.
12:47
SPEAKER_00: They kind of they want you to feel like form bonds quickly because it's a really quick process.
12:55
SPEAKER_00: So they help you along.
12:56
SPEAKER_00: Like, so for the first night, so I was like coasting along, happy as can be, I get to be this golden bachelorette.
13:02
SPEAKER_00: I'm so excited until the night of the limos.
13:06
SPEAKER_00: First of all, it was the longest daylight of the year, it was the longest day of the year.
13:12
SPEAKER_00: So we couldn't start filming until 11 o'clock at night.
13:14
SPEAKER_00: And I had been doing B-roll the entire day from like eight o'clock that morning at this house that I was staying in, like in the hills.
13:21
SPEAKER_00: And so I've been doing, I was so tired by 11 o'clock at night.
13:24
SPEAKER_00: By the way, I'm also not a night person, so that was like way past my bedtime.
13:28
SPEAKER_00: Right.
13:28
SPEAKER_00: So it was 11 o'clock at night, and we were starting this, and I was like, what the heck?
13:33
SPEAKER_00: What if I don't like any of these men?
13:35
SPEAKER_00: What am I gonna do?
13:36
SPEAKER_00: And I really felt the pressure of the franchise on me because Gary and Teresa had just broken up like two or three months before.
13:43
SPEAKER_00: And I thought, if this, if I if I'm not successful here, this this golden is never gonna happen again.
13:50
SPEAKER_00: People aren't gonna have faith in it.
13:51
SPEAKER_00: So I felt such pressure.
13:53
SPEAKER_00: And so I think Jordan was one of the first people have a limousine, and he was incredibly nervous.
14:02
SPEAKER_00: He could not speak, he had sweaty palms.
14:05
SPEAKER_00: I was like, oh, this is not going well at all.
14:08
SPEAKER_00: Like he was not my guy.
14:10
SPEAKER_00: I was he made me nervous, and I was actually very, very comfortable that night.
14:13
SPEAKER_00: I've done all this limit stuff.
14:15
SPEAKER_00: I've been on TV now, I had gone through the whole like process of becoming the golden bachelorette, which is a huge process.
14:21
SPEAKER_00: Um, I was very comfortable standing in that driveway.
14:24
SPEAKER_00: I was excited, and then he was the first person out, and I was like, and you know, and the thing is, I kept him because a producer said, I don't think you saw the Jordan that we know.
14:34
SPEAKER_00: He was really nervous.
14:35
SPEAKER_00: And so he was on my chopping block.
14:36
SPEAKER_00: He was going home.
14:37
SPEAKER_01: He was going home that night, which is upsetting because, well, and maybe a great intervention of the producer because I we know him, you know him, of course, really well.
14:45
SPEAKER_01: He's one of your close friends.
14:46
SPEAKER_01: But I get to know him.
14:47
SPEAKER_01: He is like the best guy.
14:49
SPEAKER_01: I know.
14:49
SPEAKER_01: And so he's like always the life of the party at the table.
14:52
SPEAKER_00: He's so easy to talk to now, but he was not, and he wasn't for a lot of dates.
14:57
SPEAKER_00: Honestly, we were at the bowling alley, and now we had now been together for several weeks at the point, at this point where we're at the bowling alley.
15:05
SPEAKER_00: And it was like, you know, my turn to go talk to him.
15:08
SPEAKER_00: And we and he says, like, I don't know what it is, but every time I talk to you, I get really nervous.
15:12
SPEAKER_00: And I we were walking by the bar.
15:14
SPEAKER_00: I go, Would it help if you took a shot of something?
15:15
SPEAKER_00: He says, Yeah.
15:16
SPEAKER_00: And he weapon he shortered, ordered a shot of whiskey.
15:18
SPEAKER_00: And he took a shot of whiskey.
15:19
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
15:20
SPEAKER_00: And then we went and talked, and that kind of like hit him about halfway through the conversation, and we had a great conversation.
15:25
SPEAKER_00: And then when we finally had our one-on-one date, we actually had a great time.
15:28
SPEAKER_00: He was, you know, he was finally comfortable.
15:30
SPEAKER_00: It took, yeah, we went ice skating.
15:32
SPEAKER_00: He's a terrible ice skater, but he was a good one.
15:33
SPEAKER_03: I know he felt.
15:34
SPEAKER_03: But we had great conversation.
15:34
SPEAKER_03: You hooked up.
15:35
SPEAKER_03: That didn't turn you off.
15:38
SPEAKER_01: It was hilarious.
15:38
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
15:39
SPEAKER_01: I laughed so hard.
15:40
SPEAKER_01: What do you think from a just a dating perspective?
15:42
SPEAKER_01: Do you think that that applies?
15:44
SPEAKER_01: Like, do you think if this wasn't the batch, the golden bachelorette and he had gone on a first date or just any man that you don't really click or you think either too nervous, should you give someone a second chance?
15:54
SPEAKER_00: Because what happened here?
15:55
SPEAKER_00: Well, if they're that nervous, like I could see being nervous because of all the cameras.
15:59
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
15:59
SPEAKER_00: And this being such a weird way to meet somebody.
16:02
SPEAKER_00: And you know, it's like, and like your your entrances are really epic.
16:06
SPEAKER_00: It's like the one part of Bachelor that everybody watches.
16:08
SPEAKER_00: Everybody wants to see who these people are.
16:10
SPEAKER_00: Right.
16:10
SPEAKER_00: So that was a lot of pressure.
16:12
SPEAKER_00: I get it.
16:13
SPEAKER_00: It did take him a while to get not nervous.
16:15
SPEAKER_00: And I don't feel like I'm like that into a person to talk to.
16:18
SPEAKER_00: I like I can carry most conversations.
16:20
SPEAKER_00: Um, he was certainly nervous for a while, but when I finally got to know him, like he has a great sense of humor.
16:26
SPEAKER_00: He's a little sarcastic, he's quick, quick witted.
16:29
SPEAKER_00: He's like exactly the kind of guy I like.
16:31
SPEAKER_00: I mean, he ended up in my final four.
16:32
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
16:33
SPEAKER_00: So he ended up being really good.
16:34
SPEAKER_00: So I do feel like you need to give people more than one chance.
16:37
SPEAKER_00: And that was a particularly hard environment.
16:39
SPEAKER_00: In fact, charity um was the season before me, and she ended picking Doughton, and he was on her bottom.
16:44
SPEAKER_00: He he was about to go to the chopping block, and somebody talked her into keeping him, and so they're getting married.
16:50
SPEAKER_03: So you saw so you saw Jordan coming up the first, and then you saw all the guys, the 23 guys.
16:55
SPEAKER_03: When you saw all of them, which one did you say, oh, I like this one, I like this one.
16:59
SPEAKER_03: Who make an impact on you during that first impression?
17:03
SPEAKER_00: So weirdly did I?
17:05
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
17:06
SPEAKER_00: That's what he really wanted.
17:07
SPEAKER_00: You were the first one.
17:09
SPEAKER_00: So you were the first one.
17:10
SPEAKER_00: When you got a limit, I go, Oh, now this could work.
17:13
SPEAKER_00: I literally, in my mind, and I think I said something like that.
17:17
SPEAKER_00: Um, like as you were walking towards a house, I kind of like turned around and watched you walk up to the house.
17:22
SPEAKER_00: And I go, Oh, who doesn't love a French guy?
17:24
SPEAKER_00: Right.
17:24
SPEAKER_00: So I you definitely made a good impression.
17:27
SPEAKER_00: They were literally the probably the guys, the three of the four that ended up in my final uh four were guys that I immediately thought they could be the one, like that I was attracted to.
17:38
SPEAKER_00: I was attracted to Guy.
17:40
SPEAKER_00: He came up with like a cologne thing, and I'm all about sense.
17:43
SPEAKER_00: Like I walk into a hotel, and if it's a hotel that I love and I like I know the smell of it, like I have this, it immediately makes me feel good.
17:50
SPEAKER_00: Um, so I have this whole thing about scents, and he was, you know, he had the cologne.
17:55
SPEAKER_00: He's like, which one do you like better?
17:56
SPEAKER_00: And I kind of like that little shtick.
17:57
SPEAKER_00: It was cute, it was original.
17:59
SPEAKER_00: I liked chalk, he was tall, chalk sense, chicken chalk noodle soup.
18:03
SPEAKER_03: I wanted to know how long is that noodle soup mad because we were locked in for a few days.
18:08
SPEAKER_03: So that was a that was the old chicken soup.
18:12
SPEAKER_00: He did not actually make the soup, it came from a restaurant.
18:15
SPEAKER_00: Okay, okay, the magic TV.
18:18
SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
18:18
SPEAKER_00: So it was random.
18:20
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
18:20
SPEAKER_00: Came that night.
18:21
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, okay.
18:21
SPEAKER_00: It was okay.
18:22
SPEAKER_01: We were gonna get sick of it.
18:22
SPEAKER_01: You were a trooper, you you ate some of it.
18:24
SPEAKER_01: I was like, oh my goodness.
18:25
SPEAKER_00: Well, I had worse things than that.
18:26
SPEAKER_00: Somebody brought me a shot of prune juice that night.
18:28
SPEAKER_00: Oh, okay.
18:29
SPEAKER_00: Because we're old.
18:30
SPEAKER_00: Yes, right.
18:31
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so I had a lot of things that I really and then CK walked out with the CK was you freaking out about that?
18:38
SPEAKER_00: Dude, like it went on for so long.
18:39
SPEAKER_00: Like I originally didn't believe it, and then I was like, What?
18:41
SPEAKER_00: This is like he's really selling this.
18:43
SPEAKER_00: So I did start to believe him.
18:44
SPEAKER_00: Then I was like, I like I wanted to like go help him, and he's like, No, no, no, no.
18:47
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, all right.
18:49
SPEAKER_00: And I was nervous, and then he went and did his one arm pushes.
18:51
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, okay, you got me.
18:52
SPEAKER_01: So did you were there any times where you felt like, oh, uh maybe I'm making a mistake or that you made a mistake through that season?
19:00
SPEAKER_01: Like by sending somebody home home or Sunny or or something else, I guess.
19:04
SPEAKER_00: I think like as far as sending people home, I think I did a really it was pretty accurate.
19:10
SPEAKER_00: Like you know which things are I had a hard time sending certain people home, not because I had a romantic connection, but you need friends there also.
19:18
SPEAKER_00: You are really alone.
19:20
SPEAKER_00: Like you guys have all, you have each other.
19:22
SPEAKER_00: I had nobody.
19:23
SPEAKER_00: I had my producer who I'm very close to.
19:25
SPEAKER_00: Um Rafi was my um handler.
19:27
SPEAKER_00: I got really close to her.
19:29
SPEAKER_00: But when I was at the mansion, it was like all of you, and I needed like some friends.
19:32
SPEAKER_00: So like I became good friends with Charles Ling and Gary.
19:36
SPEAKER_00: Um, like there were people that I didn't send home because I needed my like people there, right?
19:42
SPEAKER_00: I needed somebody that like if I'm gonna spend six hours at this mansion and I'm gonna have 15 minutes with every person.
19:47
SPEAKER_00: Some of those people just need to be people like just oh, and not working hard with, like they're my friends.
19:52
SPEAKER_01: And they assembled what seems like such a great group of people.
19:56
SPEAKER_01: I mean, you included.
19:58
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
19:58
SPEAKER_01: And they seemed, as a viewer, I wanted, I've said this to you a couple of times.
20:03
SPEAKER_01: I think that they should have done a whole show of just the guys.
20:06
SPEAKER_01: Just the guys, and just all the craziness that was going on.
20:09
SPEAKER_00: I said that like I said, this show, and I knew this before I was even the the bachelor at him.
20:14
SPEAKER_00: I said it becomes less about the lead and more about the characters.
20:17
SPEAKER_00: The lead is just a person there.
20:20
SPEAKER_00: The show is about the all the contestants.
20:23
SPEAKER_00: It really is.
20:24
SPEAKER_00: It's not about the lead, it honestly isn't until right at the end.
20:27
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
20:27
SPEAKER_00: Okay at the beginning and right at the end.
20:28
SPEAKER_01: I think you're selling yourself short.
20:30
SPEAKER_01: I think you had such an elegance, and you could tell when you came in and you were ready to play ball, and you you were you were it, you had the competing.
20:37
SPEAKER_01: And I guess, you know, I don't know what you would think about this.
20:40
SPEAKER_01: The the Mal season, I think, was ruined because of just him.
20:46
SPEAKER_00: I'm, you know, they had some ladies.
20:48
SPEAKER_00: It's very hard to get to know.
20:49
SPEAKER_00: I said this on other podcasts, so I'm not afraid to say it again.
20:51
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
20:51
SPEAKER_00: I think that he never really revealed himself.
20:54
SPEAKER_00: And I kept every week, I kept, I watched it every single week because I kept thinking this is the week where he's gonna do it.
21:00
SPEAKER_00: Because it's hard to be vulnerable.
21:01
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I thought, oh, he's a guy, it's taking him a little longer.
21:04
SPEAKER_00: He also had a big flub up in the beginning, and maybe he was being very careful about the way he revealed himself because he was afraid he was gonna get a backlash like he had already had.
21:12
SPEAKER_00: So I kept having faith sometime it was gonna happen.
21:17
SPEAKER_00: I kept waiting for it to happen.
21:19
SPEAKER_00: And also the other thing about Leeds is you want to be rooting for them.
21:25
SPEAKER_00: And so he looks like a guy.
21:27
SPEAKER_00: He'd been a former, you know, professional football year player for many, many years.
21:31
SPEAKER_00: He had a confidence out there, almost a cockiness about him.
21:34
SPEAKER_00: He was a good looking guy, he had beautiful women.
21:38
SPEAKER_00: You but if he had never been on that show, I would have never been worried that he was gonna find somebody.
21:43
SPEAKER_00: He looks like a guy that didn't need anybody's help.
21:45
SPEAKER_00: He didn't need bachelor's help.
21:46
SPEAKER_00: And you want somebody, Gary needed bachelor's help.
21:49
SPEAKER_00: He thought he's a little fuddy duddy, like he's naive, he's like getting kind of old, he doesn't know what he's doing.
21:55
SPEAKER_00: Like he needed somebody's help.
21:56
SPEAKER_00: Mel didn't need anybody's help.
21:58
SPEAKER_03: I I don't agree with you.
21:59
SPEAKER_03: I think Mel.
22:00
SPEAKER_03: Needs help because the way he was in the show, his lack of experience, obviously, it showed he wasn't able to engage.
22:09
SPEAKER_03: So what you project is who you are.
22:12
SPEAKER_03: So uh uh what we saw on TV interacting with the woman, that's how he is in life.
22:18
SPEAKER_03: I don't think Mel is the kind of guy who's engaging conversation.
22:22
SPEAKER_03: I said that to Peggy many times.
22:24
SPEAKER_03: I said, What's wrong with him?
22:25
SPEAKER_03: He doesn't engage.
22:26
SPEAKER_03: She said, You don't know him like I know him.
22:27
SPEAKER_03: I've heard the same thing.
22:28
SPEAKER_03: He's very funny, he's got a great sense of humor, uh, you know, actually it's a lot of fun to be with.
22:34
SPEAKER_03: And I said, I'm sorry, but that's not what the people saw.
22:37
SPEAKER_03: That's not what we see on on the reality TV.
22:41
SPEAKER_03: I think uh, you know, she said, Yeah, uh she tried to, and and I agree with her.
22:46
SPEAKER_03: I just think that some people present better in camera than others.
22:50
SPEAKER_03: Some better, some people has got more confidence than others.
22:53
SPEAKER_03: And I think, you know, uh like Jordan when he woke up and with the first, he was very nervous and he ended up loosening up.
23:00
SPEAKER_03: And I think I would have liked to see that male happening during the the season, but he didn't know.
23:05
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, they made a mistake in not choosing from the pool of the guys that there were so many characters and so many guys that people as viewers had an emotional connection with that they could have drawn from.
23:15
SPEAKER_01: And I just don't get it.
23:16
SPEAKER_00: Well, they weirdly a lot of them paired up really quickly.
23:18
SPEAKER_00: I think certainly Mark could have been the bachelor, I think you could have been the bachelor, I think Guy could have been the bachelor, I think Jonathan could have been.
23:25
SPEAKER_00: I mean, there you're right, there was a big group of people.
23:28
SPEAKER_00: They just I don't know.
23:30
SPEAKER_00: I don't know what happened.
23:31
SPEAKER_00: I was very surprised when they didn't pick one of them.
23:33
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
23:33
SPEAKER_03: Um management turnover.
23:36
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
23:37
SPEAKER_03: I mean, uh what his name uh Jason is gone.
23:40
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, Jason is gone, and uh Clevin Bennett get let go.
23:43
SPEAKER_03: And I think uh, you know, when if I was coming up as a new producer, I will try to get out of the box and do something a little bit different to make my my mark instead of keeping the same routine the previous producer did, and I think that's what's happening.
23:57
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, well, I mean, you know, it's always been a talk that they could go outside of the group that's just been on the show and pick somebody, you know, random.
24:07
SPEAKER_00: The show loves to pick somebody that was on the show because you like America's like knows them.
24:12
SPEAKER_00: They don't have to tell the story, but telling the story is pretty easy.
24:14
SPEAKER_00: Like, I mean, that takes 10 minutes of the first episode to tell the story.
24:18
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, um, so if they weren't emotionally engaged with somebody from I Season, which I have a hard time believing they weren't, I would think that would be the reason, but I don't know the reason other than that.
24:27
SPEAKER_00: Right, and which is people really fell in love with you.
24:28
SPEAKER_01: Right, which is a great segue to the Taylor Frankie Paul situation because there's one where they decide someone from outside, but I think they pick her because of her social media following and the family under the ABC umbrella and all of that.
24:44
SPEAKER_01: What's we haven't, I don't know if I've heard from you on this on Taylor Frankie Paul.
24:48
SPEAKER_03: Yes.
24:49
SPEAKER_00: My my opinion changes daily.
24:50
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
24:51
SPEAKER_00: So um I happen to be staying, I happened to be in LA when they announced her.
24:56
SPEAKER_00: I was doing the HGTV um bachelor renovation.
24:59
SPEAKER_00: We loved you on that.
24:59
SPEAKER_00: We loved you.
25:00
SPEAKER_00: We'll talk about that.
25:02
SPEAKER_00: Don't get me started on that one.
25:04
SPEAKER_00: Um and so I was in the hotel with Jason, who was had been the executive producer during my season, no, during golden batcher season, and they got let go before my season.
25:13
SPEAKER_00: Devastating.
25:14
SPEAKER_00: I actually said to him, I'm not gonna go if you're not there.
25:16
SPEAKER_00: And he's like, You can't, you're signed a contract.
25:18
SPEAKER_00: You have to show up.
25:20
SPEAKER_00: Um, I love Jason, and he was my person, and I knew that he would protect me and take care of me.
25:23
SPEAKER_00: And I felt very nervous being the golden batcherette without him.
25:26
SPEAKER_00: So fast forward, Taylor Frankek Paul gets casted.
25:29
SPEAKER_00: He is now starting to work at the franchise again, and he's in a hotel doing some work.
25:34
SPEAKER_00: And um, with Mal, I think, or I don't remember what it was, but he um I call him, I'm like, meet me downstairs for breakfast.
25:40
SPEAKER_00: I have to be ready at it was 6:30 in the morning.
25:42
SPEAKER_00: I was like, Meet me downstairs.
25:43
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, what the hell is this?
25:46
SPEAKER_00: This is such a deviation from anything that we've ever done before.
25:49
SPEAKER_00: Taylor Pranky Paul at that point had had a swinging scandal.
25:52
SPEAKER_00: No, oh, this is public knowledge, right?
25:54
SPEAKER_00: Swinging scandal on TV.
25:56
SPEAKER_00: She has two baby daddies, right?
25:59
SPEAKER_00: She has been arrested, and then we all know about her the arrest, and it was about an assault charge against the person that she has a baby with.
26:07
SPEAKER_00: And while her kid was in the room and witnessed the whole thing and actually ended up getting hurt by the chair, she got charged with assault on her own child, child engagement.
26:18
SPEAKER_00: So, I mean, she was like every other bachelor and bachelorette, to our knowledge, probably not all of them, had been really pretty innocent and pure.
26:28
SPEAKER_00: Like if you look at like the whole group as a whole, like I was just with all the bachelorettes when we went on Taylor's season, and they're just like a freaking wholesome group of people.
26:37
SPEAKER_00: She was such a deviation.
26:39
SPEAKER_00: And I said, Jason, what the heck is going on?
26:42
SPEAKER_00: And he's like, It's the best idea we've ever had.
26:44
SPEAKER_00: And wow, they were doubling down on it.
26:46
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, me and Rob Mills are doubling down on that.
26:48
SPEAKER_00: Like it was the best thing they ever did.
26:50
SPEAKER_00: They still swear, and I talk to people that the season is really good.
26:54
SPEAKER_00: That she was really, really, really good.
26:56
SPEAKER_00: The problem is people don't believe it.
26:58
SPEAKER_00: Like she may be a really good actress, but like we all know that it was an act.
27:03
SPEAKER_00: They couldn't get her, she didn't get on the flight to come to film the season.
27:08
SPEAKER_00: Right.
27:08
SPEAKER_00: The day she was supposed to get on.
27:09
SPEAKER_00: She didn't get it until that night.
27:10
SPEAKER_00: She had to be there.
27:11
SPEAKER_00: They were starting filming the next day, and she wasn't on the plane because she had been sleeping with Dakota.
27:16
unknown: Right.
27:16
SPEAKER_03: Do you think do you think they're gonna hear the season?
27:20
SPEAKER_00: If I look at it right now, I don't think he's allowed to talk about it.
27:22
SPEAKER_00: Reality Steve was just here and he said he's you know, because they that new report just came out this week.
27:28
SPEAKER_00: Again, it's the child protection services, the CPS report came out, and um both Dakota and her ex-husband are seeking full custody, and they said that they feel like the child is the children are endangered when they are with her.
27:41
SPEAKER_00: And I think and and I'm watching her on social media, I follow her.
27:45
SPEAKER_00: I think she's gone off the rails a little bit.
27:47
SPEAKER_00: I think she's really she needs help.
27:49
SPEAKER_00: And I think if they air that show and there is negative feedback that I'm afraid that she might hurt herself.
27:57
SPEAKER_00: I don't think she's stable.
27:58
SPEAKER_00: I think it would be a really irresponsible decision to air it right now.
28:02
SPEAKER_03: So, what do you think, what do you think is the future of the the franchise overall, from from the golden to the bachelor to the bachelorette?
28:09
SPEAKER_03: Do you think then we're gonna see more of that coming?
28:12
SPEAKER_03: Because as we talk over the weekend, you and I, there is a lot of competition up there.
28:17
SPEAKER_03: There is uh so many love shows.
28:18
SPEAKER_03: Uh Age of Attraction, the Love is Blind, Love Overboard, Love is Blind, 90 Day Beyoncé.
28:25
SPEAKER_01: Everyone wants love.
28:26
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, Netflix.
28:27
SPEAKER_01: We love watching love, we want it to work.
28:29
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, Netflix coming up with another show, Who Wants to Marry Larry?
28:33
SPEAKER_03: I know.
28:34
SPEAKER_00: Harry.
28:35
SPEAKER_03: Harry.
28:36
SPEAKER_03: Harry, Harry, yeah.
28:37
SPEAKER_00: Oh, I thought it was Larry.
28:38
SPEAKER_00: Oh, is it Larry?
28:38
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
28:39
SPEAKER_00: Oh, okay.
28:39
SPEAKER_00: Who wants to marry Larry?
28:40
SPEAKER_00: Oh, I'm sorry.
28:41
SPEAKER_03: Larry or Larry or Harry.
28:43
SPEAKER_03: Okay, maybe Harry Louinette.
28:44
SPEAKER_03: Larry or Harry or Mary, maybe.
28:46
SPEAKER_03: So there is a lot of competition in that in that uh market now.
28:50
SPEAKER_03: So what do you think of uh the future of the franchise of the golden, golden bachelor and bachelorette?
28:56
SPEAKER_00: So I think about that often, and I even watch some of the shows that I wouldn't normally watch just because like I want to see like what's happening in this world of finding love on TV.
29:06
SPEAKER_00: I look, I watch Love Island.
29:08
SPEAKER_00: I am I have a really hard time watching it.
29:10
SPEAKER_00: I don't think it's meant for my demographic.
29:12
SPEAKER_00: It's not meant for us, it's meant for 20 and 30 year olds.
29:15
SPEAKER_00: It's a lot of kissing, a lot of sex, weirds.
29:18
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, like they don't show the sex, but it certainly is happening, and you know it is.
29:22
SPEAKER_00: There's no way they're doing that stuff and not actually having sex afterwards.
29:25
SPEAKER_00: So I I watch it and I have a hard time.
29:27
SPEAKER_00: So that I don't feel like that's competition for the Golden Bachelor or The Bachelor.
29:32
SPEAKER_00: They're doing it differently.
29:33
SPEAKER_00: The Bachelor, really, if you think about the franchise, it is really not very much about sex at all.
29:38
SPEAKER_00: It's about really finding love.
29:39
SPEAKER_00: In fact, you go all the way to the last episode when you do fantasy suites and the door is closed and you don't see like much physical contact at all.
29:48
SPEAKER_00: So it's so not about sex.
29:50
SPEAKER_00: Whereas all the other ones kind of are, age of attraction is a different, it's has a whole that age element, and that's what its draw is.
29:57
SPEAKER_00: The rest of them are about sex.
29:59
SPEAKER_00: So I do feel like Bachelor has its place.
30:03
SPEAKER_00: It's the show that you watch.
30:04
SPEAKER_00: I get this all the time.
30:06
SPEAKER_00: I get daughters or mothers coming up to me and saying, I watched, I watch the whole season with my daughter, or I watch the whole season with my granddaughter.
30:15
SPEAKER_00: And I think our demographic is that it's a show you can watch with your family.
30:20
SPEAKER_00: I listened to a podcast and it was Amy Roebach and TJ Holmes.
30:24
SPEAKER_00: Um, and they were talking about they have uh done the Love Island um every week after the show airs.
30:33
SPEAKER_00: They they do like a recap.
30:35
SPEAKER_00: And the first one, they were like, we were watching it with our daughters who are TJ's daughter is probably 15 now.
30:42
SPEAKER_00: We spend a lot of time together because we do iHeart podcasts.
30:45
SPEAKER_00: Um, and she's about 15, and then Amy's are in college or out of college, and they said it was so embarrassing watching the show with them.
30:52
SPEAKER_00: They couldn't watch it.
30:53
SPEAKER_01: I mean, that's coming from I'm sure they're very nice people, but two people that had an affair with each other.
30:58
SPEAKER_00: But they didn't have an affair until after they were separated.
31:02
SPEAKER_01: Okay, yeah, that's what that's what they say.
31:04
SPEAKER_01: And that's yes, okay.
31:07
SPEAKER_01: Look, I um I don't know, but I'm just saying I like followed the whole scandal.
31:12
SPEAKER_01: I would have leaved them.
31:13
SPEAKER_01: Okay, good.
31:13
SPEAKER_03: You know what?
31:14
SPEAKER_03: When you're talking about the franchise, The Bachelor, I think, you know, I mean it's a 20, 25 years old franchise where before social media, before the internet, before everything.
31:23
SPEAKER_03: So I think you were the the the intention of going to the show was to really to meet love, to absolutely to be to find the connection.
31:31
SPEAKER_03: Do you think then most people now who go in those shows is to try to have followers and build a career of uh uh influencer?
31:39
SPEAKER_03: Uh are they going there with the right intention?
31:42
SPEAKER_03: So that's the question.
31:43
SPEAKER_00: I've dived into that a little bit.
31:44
SPEAKER_00: I've dove into whatever the right verb is.
31:46
SPEAKER_00: Um both.
31:47
SPEAKER_00: And I look at I've looked at social media.
31:50
SPEAKER_00: So I look at like um bachelorettes from previous seasons, and I did this really right after we did that bachelorette meetup for Taylor Pranky Paul season.
31:59
SPEAKER_00: And I looked at because a lot of them were talking about like, I have like no social media following.
32:03
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, like, you're an icon in this thing.
32:05
SPEAKER_00: And I looked at him, and that's true.
32:06
SPEAKER_00: They had like 40,000 followers, followers.
32:08
SPEAKER_00: They just didn't have a lot of followers.
32:10
SPEAKER_00: And that's when the bachelor franchise was like, when I talk about like the purity of it, like people actually went to find love.
32:16
SPEAKER_00: There was no other benefit.
32:18
SPEAKER_00: You had to take off time from work, you had to give up your phone, you didn't see your family.
32:22
SPEAKER_00: It was really, you were there for a reason, and it was hard.
32:25
SPEAKER_00: Like it's hard to give up your phone.
32:26
SPEAKER_00: You know how it is.
32:27
SPEAKER_00: It's hard to leave your work, it's hard to leave your life for at that time, like two months.
32:31
SPEAKER_00: Like those bachelor and bachelorette seasons are longer than golden seasons by a couple weeks.
32:36
SPEAKER_00: So they're really giving up a lot by.
32:38
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I think some of them even lost their jobs because they left for such a long time.
32:42
SPEAKER_00: They were there for the right reason.
32:44
SPEAKER_00: The problem is social media has now taken over and it it's been around for so long that it's the purity is gone.
32:53
SPEAKER_00: If you don't find love, even if you find love, like let's say you're the person that gets picked, if it doesn't work out, I think they drag it on a little longer to keep reaping the benefits of being like the hot couple.
33:07
SPEAKER_00: And it goes on for a long time.
33:08
SPEAKER_00: I I I think that that changes continue need to be made.
33:12
SPEAKER_00: So, like for Bachelor in Paradise, they added the money element to it.
33:16
SPEAKER_00: I hated that.
33:17
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you were talking about it.
33:18
SPEAKER_00: I could not stand that they added money to it.
33:19
SPEAKER_00: Like, why does that need to happen?
33:21
SPEAKER_03: Uh to be honest with you, party money thing.
33:23
SPEAKER_03: Jenny and I talk about it.
33:24
SPEAKER_03: I think to me, uh, if I was going to go uh bachelor in paradise and I meet uh anyone over there and they make me a choice between$150,000 or the girl I met about two weeks ago, I'll take the$150,000.
33:37
SPEAKER_03: I walk away.
33:38
SPEAKER_02: Walk away.
33:39
SPEAKER_03: See you later.
33:40
SPEAKER_03: But the both of them didn't take the money.
33:43
SPEAKER_03: So I think that was a behind the scene.
33:46
SPEAKER_03: Everybody would have taken the money, particularly that girl who's in debt college.
33:50
SPEAKER_03: So much debt, Alex.
33:51
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's just the Love Islands.
33:53
SPEAKER_01: No, no, no, that Golden Paradise Paradise.
33:55
SPEAKER_01: Because Love Island also had money, and that the guy gave his money, his winnings to the girl.
34:01
SPEAKER_01: Did you guys see this?
34:02
SPEAKER_00: I haven't seen the rest of it.
34:07
SPEAKER_01: Okay, okay.
34:08
SPEAKER_01: It doesn't matter.
34:08
SPEAKER_01: Okay, fine.
34:09
SPEAKER_01: I'm only like having they have money is the prize now for most of these things.
34:14
SPEAKER_03: You see love of money.
34:16
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, love of the money.
34:17
SPEAKER_03: Would you take the money?
34:18
SPEAKER_03: Would you take love money?
34:19
SPEAKER_03: I'll take the money.
34:21
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
34:21
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
34:22
SPEAKER_01: I guess I'm not surprised by that.
34:24
SPEAKER_01: Um, how about how about this?
34:27
SPEAKER_01: How about you two sitting on the couch together?
34:29
SPEAKER_01: What Pascal, I'd love to know.
34:31
SPEAKER_01: Was there anything that you had left unsaid from, you know, it's been a couple years already, but still anything?
34:38
SPEAKER_01: I mean I know you guys have talked about it.
34:40
SPEAKER_03: John and I have been in touch.
34:41
SPEAKER_03: We've been, you know, I mean I think we built a very good friendship.
34:44
SPEAKER_03: Uh, you know, uh uh, I I want I never had a chance to really say why did I leave?
34:49
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you know.
34:50
SPEAKER_03: Let's get into that right now.
34:52
SPEAKER_03: Into the the the I was in the island and I was supposedly going to the fantasy suite.
34:56
SPEAKER_03: I wanted to go to the fantasy suite, I wanted to have that conversation with you, which I never had a chance to.
35:02
SPEAKER_03: I felt like the distance was gonna be a challenge for me.
35:05
SPEAKER_03: And uh I had uh you know, I got an ego and I didn't want to be rejected because I felt also then Chuck was the runner up, and I knew in my heart that you were gonna pick up Chuck.
35:16
SPEAKER_03: So I didn't want to be the one who's left behind.
35:18
SPEAKER_03: So I said, you know, let's leave before she throws me out.
35:22
SPEAKER_03: So I feel good about myself.
35:24
SPEAKER_03: And uh I think I would have loved to have, and and I was advised to do that.
35:28
SPEAKER_03: I think I would have loved to sit with you in the fantasy suite and have a one-on-one conversation like we have over the weekend.
35:35
SPEAKER_03: I think you would have I would have felt better, and then you eliminate me would have been make me the victim, which I would have been more loved by my by the followers.
35:45
SPEAKER_03: Yes, you would have been.
35:46
SPEAKER_03: Yes, you'd be more loved.
35:48
SPEAKER_03: They would have felt sorry for us.
35:50
SPEAKER_03: Sorry for you.
35:52
SPEAKER_03: Versus being the villain, break uh John's heart.
35:55
SPEAKER_03: I think uh, and I thought a lot about it, but I was advised, and uh, and I should have I I'm the kind of guy who always follows my instinct.
36:03
SPEAKER_03: You know, I don't, you know, I'm I don't give a shit about much about what people think of me.
36:07
SPEAKER_03: Yeah and uh so I wanted to do it, but I didn't, and that's what happened.
36:12
SPEAKER_03: So, but I wanted you to know then I didn't leave because I didn't have the feeling for you, I left because I felt like your feeling was much stronger to Chuck than it was for me, and I know you were gonna pick up him over me, and that's what I decided to leave.
36:27
SPEAKER_00: So I'll give you my bang take on it.
36:30
SPEAKER_00: Okay, so I had not decided on Chalk yet, I still hadn't.
36:35
SPEAKER_00: I um I knew that you hated that I compared you to my late husband, but that's a huge compliment because I I love him to this day, and I always will.
36:47
SPEAKER_00: And the fact that you live life big um is something that I really loved about you.
36:53
SPEAKER_00: And I would have loved to have that conversation in the fantasy suites because I I appear very inflexible when I talk about like not leaving my family and like and that, and I am inflexible about that, like really, but I'm also very flexible about having more than one home.
37:10
SPEAKER_00: And I, if I you know found the right person, I will have more than one home.
37:16
SPEAKER_00: And maybe it would be more living away from my kids, but always having a place to go and stay, you know, visiting there a couple times a month and um and prioritizing like my life over theirs.
37:29
SPEAKER_00: And in fact, that was a conversation I had with my kids before I went on the show.
37:31
SPEAKER_00: I said, You don't get what I know that you don't know is that as you get farther into your building your own family, I'm gonna become less important and I'm gonna become more of a burden because you're gonna be taking your kids on vacation with other families, you know, that your kids go to elementary school with, and you're gonna have all these new relationships and I am gonna fade back and you're gonna be you're gonna be thanking me for figuring out my own life and not being a burden on you.
37:59
SPEAKER_00: So I knew that I was being inflexible saying, I'm never leaving Maryland because I didn't I won't ever leave Maryland because I have I have a mother there, I have a mother-in-law, I have kids, I have grandkids, but I'm way more flexible on spending less time there and more time with the right person if I meet the right person.
38:14
SPEAKER_00: Okay, or when I meet the right person, or if I already have.
38:17
SPEAKER_00: How does that make you feel?
38:18
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I mean, I think I I again, you know, I I would have loved to have that one-on-one conversation.
38:24
SPEAKER_03: I was misled.
38:26
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and uh, I think it would have been nice to be able to show you a little bit my feeling, and and I was, you know, I I think I would have felt better.
38:35
SPEAKER_03: Uh again, I I I that was a mechanism, defensive mechanism where you want to save your pride and your ego.
38:43
SPEAKER_03: I know.
38:43
SPEAKER_03: And uh me living, I felt me like I'm not rejected.
38:47
SPEAKER_03: And instead of that, uh versus you being rejected, me, I think I will have my the you know, the I wouldn't have those DMs and what kind of prick I am, and this and that.
38:56
SPEAKER_03: You have no idea how many how many people thought the sad negative turns.
39:01
SPEAKER_03: And and at this point, I didn't, you know, I mean hundreds of texts and texting.
39:05
SPEAKER_03: Are you who do you think you are?
39:07
SPEAKER_00: Well, I just want to set the record straight.
39:08
SPEAKER_03: So, yeah, set the record straight.
39:10
SPEAKER_03: So I think I think the conversation would have now.
39:12
SPEAKER_03: I'm glad we you are here in the couch.
39:14
SPEAKER_03: I'm glad I'm able to make my peace.
39:16
SPEAKER_03: That's our our one-on-one date, and I thank you, and I really enjoy your company.
39:20
SPEAKER_03: I think we had a great time together.
39:22
SPEAKER_03: We do.
39:22
SPEAKER_03: We built up a good friendship, and you know, this is this is you know, hopefully it will last.
39:27
SPEAKER_03: Now let's talk a little bit about chalk because obviously that's the one you pick.
39:31
SPEAKER_03: Tell me a little bit how the relationship's going with chalk and how often do you see each other?
39:36
SPEAKER_03: Uh, where do you see yourself in the next five years?
39:39
SPEAKER_03: Um, yeah, you know, I mean, uh, yeah, I know then you're not moving to Wishita.
39:43
SPEAKER_03: No.
39:43
SPEAKER_03: And he's not moving to Maryland.
39:46
SPEAKER_03: So where do you see yourself going with chalk?
39:49
SPEAKER_00: So, like, it's kind of like I never knew how this would be.
39:53
SPEAKER_00: So I never experienced someone falling in love like later in life.
39:57
SPEAKER_00: It's not what I ever pictured my life being.
39:59
SPEAKER_00: I expected I would be with John for the rest of my life, and I never like had a vision of how this looks.
40:05
SPEAKER_00: So the vision is just kind of evolving for me still.
40:07
SPEAKER_00: And for chalk too.
40:09
SPEAKER_00: I don't think anybody, either one of us, ever expected we would be in this, and to have found somebody that lives half a country away.
40:16
SPEAKER_00: And I know that you talk all the time on the show about you think that this would be a better show if it was with people um from your, you know, your local area.
40:24
SPEAKER_00: I don't not sure if I agree with you on that.
40:25
SPEAKER_00: I don't think it would be bad, but I also don't think it's necessarily what makes like I think that would be harder for couples to happen.
40:33
SPEAKER_00: And I'll get I'll tell you why in a little bit.
40:35
SPEAKER_00: But um like I think we're a work in progress still.
40:39
SPEAKER_00: I have a family that's evolving.
40:40
SPEAKER_00: I have kids who are having babies.
40:42
SPEAKER_00: I just had two new granddaughters last month.
40:44
SPEAKER_00: I have a son getting married.
40:46
SPEAKER_00: I'm still really very much needed at home.
40:49
SPEAKER_00: Also have aging mother and mother-in-law um that I need to be there with them.
40:53
SPEAKER_00: So, like the thought of moving isn't really on our agenda right now.
40:57
SPEAKER_00: But we still like make an effort to see each other a lot.
41:00
SPEAKER_00: We talk many times a day and we get together.
41:03
SPEAKER_00: It was we were getting together about every two weeks, and that was like kind of the first year.
41:07
SPEAKER_00: Um, and we needed that.
41:08
SPEAKER_00: We needed to get to know each other better.
41:10
SPEAKER_00: Now we're more like a three weeks to a month.
41:13
SPEAKER_00: We get a lot of criticism.
41:14
SPEAKER_00: All you people are gonna DM me and tell me that's not enough.
41:17
SPEAKER_00: It's what we can do, and it works for us.
41:19
SPEAKER_00: It's not that, and we haven't grown apart because we're not seeing each other as much.
41:22
SPEAKER_00: We, you know, have great times together.
41:24
SPEAKER_00: We rarely get together in each other's homes.
41:26
SPEAKER_00: I don't go to Wichita very often.
41:28
SPEAKER_00: He doesn't come to Maryland very often.
41:29
SPEAKER_00: We get together in LA or we get brought out to do things like for iRadio or for whatever for other things, and we see each other in really fun places.
41:40
SPEAKER_00: We every time we see each other, it's usually a vacation, some form of vacation.
41:44
SPEAKER_00: Um, we're going to Europe at the end of um August, early September for two weeks.
41:48
SPEAKER_00: So um, like we're evolving.
41:51
SPEAKER_00: We haven't figured out what our future looks like.
41:54
SPEAKER_00: We certainly don't have a five-year plan.
41:56
SPEAKER_00: I'm not sure if you have a one-year plan.
41:58
SPEAKER_00: We just are kind of coasting along, um, like kind of living day-to-day.
42:03
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, to be honest.
42:04
SPEAKER_01: I love that.
42:05
SPEAKER_01: And I think that that has been something that we've talked a lot about is this expectation of the show, of The Bachelor in particular, the franchise, they have rings in the logo.
42:15
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
42:15
SPEAKER_01: So there's definitely this idea of that it's marriage, marriage, marriage.
42:20
SPEAKER_01: Or again, what everyone's talking about engagement.
42:24
SPEAKER_03: I'm I'm committed to you versus I'm engaged to you.
42:27
SPEAKER_01: But but the concept of the show is predicated on finding, you know, meeting someone.
42:33
SPEAKER_00: Yes, getting engaged, coming to the mound on the beach, wherever you are, and yeah.
42:38
SPEAKER_03: We're talking with reality Steve about the percentage of success of marriage from the show.
42:43
SPEAKER_03: It's very slim.
42:44
SPEAKER_03: Very small.
42:44
SPEAKER_03: Very small.
42:45
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
42:45
SPEAKER_03: So obviously.
42:46
SPEAKER_03: I can mean more.
42:47
SPEAKER_03: It's extremely small.
42:48
SPEAKER_03: So obviously, the concept of going on the show to find love, uh, it's a great idea.
42:54
SPEAKER_00: Well, more women have found love.
42:55
unknown: Yeah.
42:56
SPEAKER_00: It's a very bad percentage of men.
42:58
SPEAKER_00: Bachelorettes have found love.
42:59
SPEAKER_00: Right.
42:59
SPEAKER_00: They several bachelors have found love.
43:01
SPEAKER_01: Which says a lot about why women go on.
43:04
SPEAKER_01: Or better at them.
43:05
SPEAKER_01: Yes, they're better at things.
43:06
SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
43:07
SPEAKER_01: So I um I get that.
43:09
SPEAKER_01: And and you you love the no the noise at the door, right?
43:12
SPEAKER_01: Some of these people, yes.
43:15
SPEAKER_00: I do feel, and I did feel very responsible, like I said, to be a success story, because I didn't think that the bachelor, the golden part of the bachelor, would survive unless I had done a good job.
43:26
SPEAKER_00: And I felt like getting doing a good job was coming to the end with an engagement.
43:31
SPEAKER_00: Although I didn't feel the need to be engaged, to be honest with you.
43:34
SPEAKER_00: I would have been fine either way at the end.
43:36
SPEAKER_00: I wanted to leave with a relationship that I wanted to explore.
43:40
SPEAKER_00: And I did that.
43:41
SPEAKER_00: I ended up engaged.
43:42
SPEAKER_00: That was a little bit of a leap of faith.
43:44
SPEAKER_00: You don't know each other that well.
43:45
SPEAKER_00: You know that.
43:46
SPEAKER_00: You just really don't know each other that well.
43:48
SPEAKER_00: So you take the leap of faith, knowing that it's not like love is blind.
43:51
SPEAKER_00: You don't actually go to an altar with a person standing there to marry you.
43:55
SPEAKER_00: You get time now to decide if it is a good relationship.
43:58
SPEAKER_00: So I left with a Like a leap of faith.
44:00
SPEAKER_00: And I remember the first time I went to see Chalk, I saw Chalk after that.
44:04
SPEAKER_00: It was like a month later.
44:05
SPEAKER_00: And they do these things called happy couple visits, and they bring you to like a home in LA.
44:10
SPEAKER_00: It's an Airbnb.
44:11
SPEAKER_00: It's a beautiful home.
44:12
SPEAKER_00: And you're locked behind a fence and you're not allowed to answer the door.
44:15
SPEAKER_00: You can't come into the same airports.
44:17
SPEAKER_00: You kind of are disguised.
44:18
SPEAKER_00: They really are trying to keep you a secret.
44:20
SPEAKER_00: And um he got there first.
44:23
SPEAKER_00: You can't arrive at the same time.
44:24
SPEAKER_00: I had to go do um some press and some stuff with uh the stylist, Carrie Petman.
44:30
SPEAKER_00: So I couldn't um I was I didn't get to the house until like seven o'clock that night.
44:34
SPEAKER_00: And I was really nervous.
44:35
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, I hardly know this guy.
44:36
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
44:37
SPEAKER_00: And I'm now going to spend the weekend or four days with him.
44:40
SPEAKER_00: And I remember walking to the door, I had my luggage with me.
44:43
SPEAKER_00: I come up to the door.
44:44
SPEAKER_00: He's not allowed to answer the door because in case there's cameras out there.
44:48
SPEAKER_00: So I kind of walk in and he's standing there right in the foyer with a glass of wine for me.
44:52
SPEAKER_00: And he had made dinner and he was like sitting there cooking and serving me.
44:55
SPEAKER_00: I was tired, I had a long day.
44:57
SPEAKER_00: And um, he's sitting there like serving me dinner, and I was like, okay, this could work.
45:02
SPEAKER_00: Like, I think I picked the right guy.
45:04
SPEAKER_00: And so, like, it is such a leap of faith that you hardly know the person you're going to spend the weekend with, and you really get to know each other through those happy couple visits.
45:13
SPEAKER_00: Right.
45:13
SPEAKER_00: So by the time you're at your finale, you've spent some significant time together.
45:16
SPEAKER_03: Right.
45:17
SPEAKER_03: I think, I think to me, uh, you know, we've talked about it.
45:20
SPEAKER_03: I think it's the the long distance has a challenge because of the intimacy.
45:26
SPEAKER_03: Yep.
45:26
SPEAKER_03: I mean, I think I need, I need, I need to do that.
45:28
SPEAKER_00: Yes, Pascal talks about this often.
45:32
SPEAKER_00: I don't have to do this right now.
45:33
SPEAKER_03: I need some firework.
45:34
SPEAKER_03: I'm glad you're here.
45:36
SPEAKER_03: Someone all the time.
45:37
SPEAKER_03: I need some firework, I need some firework.
45:40
SPEAKER_03: Uh, you know, I mean, having a firework every three weeks, uh it's not that good.
45:45
SPEAKER_03: It's not that enough.
45:46
SPEAKER_03: So, so how do you cope with that?
45:48
SPEAKER_03: How do you feel like uh, you know, I mean, sometimes you go into some difficult time, you want somebody to hold and and and and cry on the shoulder.
45:56
SPEAKER_03: By him not being there, uh, I mean, how deep the connection is between the two of you.
46:01
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
46:02
SPEAKER_00: I've had some some challenges throughout the last few years that yeah, I would have liked to have a person sitting there or like being there with me.
46:11
SPEAKER_00: So there are challenges.
46:13
SPEAKER_00: I'm not gonna lie, that long distance isn't easy.
46:15
SPEAKER_00: No, um, but then there are also days like it feels perfect.
46:18
SPEAKER_03: Like I agree.
46:19
SPEAKER_00: I like I have a lot going on, and I don't need to have to worry about entertaining him or like because like when we go to each other's homes, we're like in entertainment mode.
46:29
SPEAKER_00: Like you're you don't have friends here.
46:31
SPEAKER_00: You don't know my friends, you know a few of them, but like you can't call up a guy and go, hey, you want to go golf?
46:36
SPEAKER_00: Um, so you were really kind of in entertainment mode.
46:38
SPEAKER_00: So you were right about when you say, like, it'd be a lot easier if you lived in the same hometown.
46:44
SPEAKER_01: Um, because do you like that about this relationship?
46:48
SPEAKER_01: And maybe some a part of you likes that you have your sort of totally separate time.
46:53
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
46:54
SPEAKER_01: It makes it makes sense.
46:55
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, but that's you could build up in a relationship, you know.
46:57
SPEAKER_03: I mean, I think you know, as long as you make it for straightforward and you have a communication with your partner, I personally know then I need a long leash, I need I need freedom.
47:06
SPEAKER_03: I don't need to be occupied every day.
47:08
SPEAKER_03: So I think as long as you have an understanding with your partner, uh, you could you could do whatever you want, you could have your time off, even if she lives about five miles away from you.
47:17
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you know what I'm saying?
47:18
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I watch my shows in a different room from my husband.
47:21
SPEAKER_01: I like that.
47:23
SPEAKER_03: I don't like to watch you watch different shows than your husband.
47:25
SPEAKER_03: You watch Love Island, he's watching Love Island, exactly.
47:29
SPEAKER_00: That's called it's coming back, it's coming to bed already, huh?
47:34
SPEAKER_03: I I want to ask you one last question because I think it's important.
47:37
SPEAKER_03: Okay, I mean, you know, we reach a certain age where uh our pool gets smaller and smaller.
47:43
SPEAKER_03: It does, yeah.
47:44
SPEAKER_03: And and as we know, time goes like that.
47:46
SPEAKER_03: Uh, if there is an opportunity for you to meet someone who will you find attractive within your facility, would you open the door or the door is completely shut off?
47:58
SPEAKER_00: So right now I am committed to chalk.
48:00
SPEAKER_00: He's he's the guy I got engaged to.
48:02
SPEAKER_00: We are still exploring our relationship.
48:05
SPEAKER_00: Um, I'm not running down to like go down the aisle, and neither is he.
48:09
SPEAKER_00: Like both of us like where we are right now, and I think it's evolving.
48:13
SPEAKER_00: And I would say he's the person that I made a commitment to, and I will honor that until there is a reason not to.
48:19
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
48:19
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
48:19
SPEAKER_01: We are we're gonna go a little longer because I feel like we haven't gotten to touch on like you.
48:24
SPEAKER_01: Um, and you mentioned, you know, you have an older mother, and you, you know, you have your grandbabies now, and you're you're you're in that point where so many of us women are, yeah, right.
48:35
SPEAKER_01: Um, and how do you feel about it?
48:38
SPEAKER_01: And what are you what do you tell other women who maybe are feeling in a bit of a funk or who don't have a chalk?
48:45
SPEAKER_01: And what what what do you say to them?
48:48
SPEAKER_00: So I gotta say, like the the chalk part of it is like this other world, honestly.
48:54
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
48:54
SPEAKER_00: So I have this whole family world where I have a lot of responsibility for people, and I'm also so incredibly grateful that I get to have these people.
49:02
SPEAKER_00: Like my mom is 94 years old now, and she's my best friend.
49:07
SPEAKER_00: Like I she is literally my best friend.
49:09
SPEAKER_00: I need like she has loved me from the day I was born unconditionally, and there's so few people that can ever say that.
49:15
SPEAKER_00: Most people can't even say that about their own mothers, to be honest with you.
49:18
SPEAKER_00: Maybe you guys can, but I so many people can't.
49:21
SPEAKER_00: And I am so lucky to have her.
49:22
SPEAKER_00: I'm also incredibly lucky to have my late husband's mother.
49:26
SPEAKER_00: So I have my mother-in-law who loves me like I'm her daughter, and I love her like my mom.
49:30
SPEAKER_00: Um, I am so lucky to have that.
49:31
SPEAKER_00: And I have four amazing pain in the ass, um, great kids that I every day they keep my life exciting and they keep giving more.
49:41
SPEAKER_00: Now I have um two daughters, two almost two daughter-in-laws, I have two son-in-laws, I have five grandkids.
49:47
SPEAKER_00: My life is so incredibly full and so incredibly exhausting.
49:51
SPEAKER_00: So for those people that like are living that part, like you can feel grateful and exhausted and want your own time, like at the exact same time.
50:00
SPEAKER_00: And I do.
50:01
SPEAKER_00: I have all these feelings.
50:01
SPEAKER_00: Like there's I, you know, I think I want to be selfish and I want to fly someplace and get away from everybody.
50:07
SPEAKER_00: And then then the next day I'm like, I'm so like so many people are not this lucky, not as lucky as me.
50:13
SPEAKER_00: So you can be both things and it's okay.
50:15
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
50:16
SPEAKER_00: And just live in are you a live live in the moment?
50:18
SPEAKER_00: A live in the moment person?
50:20
SPEAKER_00: I'm way more now.
50:21
SPEAKER_00: And I wasn't, I was a planner.
50:23
SPEAKER_00: I was always looking towards the future.
50:25
SPEAKER_00: And then I had like the reality that like the future isn't guaranteed.
50:29
SPEAKER_00: And so I remember when John passed away, and the biggest thing I felt other than just horrible sorrow, like to the point where I just couldn't even breathe, was that my future is gone.
50:40
SPEAKER_00: It looked like this black hole.
50:41
SPEAKER_00: And I lived day to day, not in a good way.
50:44
SPEAKER_00: I live in a bad way.
50:45
SPEAKER_00: I just gotta get to the next day.
50:47
SPEAKER_00: Then I gotta make that day happen, and I gotta keep my family together, and I gotta make sure my kids are okay, and I gotta I gotta make sure financially everything is gonna be okay.
50:54
SPEAKER_00: And like I just lived day to day for like two years.
51:00
SPEAKER_00: First year I lived kind of in a haze, I just hardly remember it, to be honest with you.
51:04
SPEAKER_00: The second year, the grief hit terribly.
51:07
SPEAKER_00: I just put one foot in front of the other.
51:09
SPEAKER_00: Now I live day to day more in a joyous way.
51:13
SPEAKER_00: Like every day I am so much more appreciative.
51:15
SPEAKER_00: And maybe you have to have the shock of every day not being guaranteed and like having a lot of horrible days to really appreciate like the joy in a day.
51:24
SPEAKER_00: And maybe you know, you get that when you uh have this horrible tragedy, like you get some joy from it eventually.
51:31
SPEAKER_03: So do you have, you know, I know then we talk about it.
51:34
SPEAKER_03: You you always, you know, you just said earlier than uh what I didn't like is you comparing me with John, your ex-husband, your decided husband.
51:43
SPEAKER_03: Do you feel like you do that with in general when you go out with Chuck and you say, Oh, my husband would have done that differently and he does it differently?
51:51
SPEAKER_03: Are you still at the stage of doing that, or you you pass that?
51:56
SPEAKER_00: A little bit.
51:57
SPEAKER_00: I am not looking for someone to replace John.
52:00
SPEAKER_00: He's irreplaceable.
52:01
SPEAKER_00: It was also a completely different time in my life.
52:03
SPEAKER_00: Like when I met John, I very, very, very much wanted to start my life.
52:08
SPEAKER_00: I was only 20, uh, 23 when we met, really.
52:10
SPEAKER_00: We didn't date for a little bit, and then we kind of got together.
52:13
SPEAKER_00: I was actually met him when I was 21.
52:15
SPEAKER_00: We dated for a couple months, then we both went back to college, didn't see each other, didn't see each other for a couple years.
52:20
SPEAKER_00: I was always attracted to him.
52:21
SPEAKER_00: I was attracted to to the like his lifestyle, but I really wanted somebody that was gonna be a good provider and a good father.
52:29
SPEAKER_00: I wanted to have kids, I wanted to have a big family.
52:31
SPEAKER_00: I came from a teeny little family, and I always envied people that had big families.
52:35
SPEAKER_00: I had one brother, my mom and dad, and the rest of my family didn't even live in the country.
52:40
SPEAKER_00: So I um I looked for a different person.
52:43
SPEAKER_00: I looked over a person that was gonna make life fun.
52:45
SPEAKER_00: I lived in this teeny little family.
52:46
SPEAKER_00: My father was an electrical engineer for NASA, my mom was a nurse.
52:50
SPEAKER_00: We lived a small life.
52:51
SPEAKER_00: I wanted to live a bigger life, and I knew it.
52:53
SPEAKER_00: I knew it all along.
52:54
SPEAKER_00: I saw people that were living these bigger lives, and he was the guy that gave me that big life.
52:58
SPEAKER_00: He gave me four wonderful kids.
53:00
SPEAKER_00: He um, like we built homes together, we had fast cars like you have.
53:05
SPEAKER_00: Like he'd come home with a Ferrari, like he just made life fun.
53:08
SPEAKER_00: He was the fun father.
53:09
SPEAKER_00: I try to be the fun mother now because I was always the one that, like everybody we gotta sit down and do our math homework, and I'm gonna quiz you on your spelling words, and then we're gonna go take a bath, and I'm gonna make dinner, and we're gonna go to bed.
53:18
SPEAKER_00: So it was like he was the fun, fun one.
53:21
SPEAKER_00: Um, he was what my life needed.
53:23
SPEAKER_00: He filled in like like something that I had never had before.
53:27
SPEAKER_00: That's not what I'm looking for now.
53:28
SPEAKER_00: I'm looking for like a partner, a person that I can grow old with, a person that accepts my family and like gives me, yeah, and gives me like grace when like my family is a shit show and it is what it is, and doesn't say, oh, you didn't do a very good job with your kids, or like you, you know, whatever.
53:46
SPEAKER_00: He doesn't criticize me and talk as that person.
53:48
SPEAKER_00: He like is very tolerant.
53:51
SPEAKER_03: Small town, uh 70,000 people, so he's not really very different.
53:58
SPEAKER_03: I mean, I think I remember you mentioned in the uh one in one of your podcasts about Chanel bag.
54:03
SPEAKER_03: You wanted John doesn't, I mean, uh Chuck didn't even know where Chanel was.
54:06
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
54:07
SPEAKER_03: I thought that was actually a broken bag.
54:09
SPEAKER_03: He doesn't function.
54:10
SPEAKER_03: He's like a broken bag.
54:11
SPEAKER_03: What is a broken bag?
54:12
SPEAKER_01: Well he has a daughter, I'm sure he does.
54:13
SPEAKER_01: But you you said something so so beautiful.
54:16
SPEAKER_01: Um, that in because I did a rewatch, I told you of the show.
54:20
SPEAKER_01: Uh, you said that my heart is, you know, that John lives in a place in my heart, but my heart is big enough for someone else to be in, and and that person takes a different spot in your heart.
54:30
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, right.
54:30
SPEAKER_01: I loved that.
54:31
SPEAKER_01: So true.
54:31
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
54:32
SPEAKER_00: So I was really struggling when I got down to like the final, the final three.
54:38
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
54:38
SPEAKER_00: You being one of them.
54:40
SPEAKER_00: That I still had such strong feelings for John.
54:44
SPEAKER_00: And that, like, how can I love another person, or how is another person gonna love me if I have this place for John in my heart still?
54:52
SPEAKER_00: And um, I said that to my producer.
54:54
SPEAKER_00: He's like, Well, I gotta get somebody in here to talk to you about this because this is way above my pay grade.
54:59
SPEAKER_00: And he called in Dr.
55:00
SPEAKER_00: Adrian, who's the the one of the show's psychiatrists, who I had become very close to because I had known her through all the turmoils when I was on Golden Bachelor with my daughter going through that postpartum depression.
55:11
SPEAKER_00: So she and I have beencome very close, and we stayed in contact when I wasn't even on a show, when before I even started Golden Bachelor, before I was even cast for it.
55:19
SPEAKER_00: And so um they called Dr.
55:21
SPEAKER_00: Adrian in and I was explaining this.
55:23
SPEAKER_00: I'm crying, I'm like, we're down to these final three, and I don't know if I can do this now.
55:26
SPEAKER_00: And how could I have gotten this far?
55:28
SPEAKER_00: How could I mess let everybody on?
55:30
SPEAKER_00: I felt guilty.
55:31
SPEAKER_00: I felt in such turmoil.
55:33
SPEAKER_00: And she goes, Hold on.
55:34
SPEAKER_00: She goes, Why don't you think you can still love him and love somebody else?
55:36
SPEAKER_00: And I go, I don't know, it just seems like they're like exclusive.
55:39
SPEAKER_00: Like you can't have both.
55:40
SPEAKER_00: She goes, You can have both.
55:41
SPEAKER_00: She goes, you can have, she goes, picture your um, like you have two balloons.
55:45
SPEAKER_00: She said, You have John in this balloon, he's this balloon, and you're holding him in this hand, but you can have a different balloon over here and you can hold him that hand.
55:52
SPEAKER_00: You don't have to let go of this one to hold on to this one.
55:55
SPEAKER_00: You can have both.
55:56
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, I can have both.
55:57
SPEAKER_00: And she's like, Absolutely.
55:59
SPEAKER_00: I was like, no one ever told me that.
56:02
SPEAKER_00: I thought you love one person with all your heart, and that's all you get.
56:06
SPEAKER_00: But that's not all you get.
56:07
SPEAKER_00: You can love more than one person, they just be different love or the same love, but for different people.
56:13
SPEAKER_00: And like, like I can't have John anymore.
56:15
SPEAKER_00: So I gotta, if I want to have a life, I have to learn how to love more than one person.
56:20
SPEAKER_00: Like I had to teach it to myself.
56:21
SPEAKER_00: I had to say I can do it and then actually practice doing it.
56:24
SPEAKER_00: I love that.
56:25
SPEAKER_00: That's such a beautiful message.
56:26
SPEAKER_03: I've fallen in love many times.
56:28
SPEAKER_00: I know we know you love I'm the worst faller in lover, but I don't fall in love.
56:32
SPEAKER_01: No, okay.
56:33
SPEAKER_01: Um, I'm like a guy.
56:35
SPEAKER_01: So yeah, I I do think it's beautiful.
56:37
SPEAKER_01: And it's something not it's something I've taught my two daughters that you know, my husband is my soulmate, but there are more than there's more than one soulmate out there, yeah, even though I love my husband with everything.
56:47
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
56:48
SPEAKER_01: Well, you are just the best.
56:49
SPEAKER_01: I'm just so happy that you finally came to sit on our couch.
56:52
SPEAKER_01: We can so happy to be here.
56:53
SPEAKER_01: We feel your energy.
56:54
SPEAKER_01: We love watching your TikToks.
56:56
SPEAKER_01: I love watching everything you do, your cooking, and you have some great partnerships and things, and just really you seem to be taking advantage of everything, and we love it.
57:04
SPEAKER_01: We love to thank you for saying that.
57:06
SPEAKER_01: I say yes to everything now.
57:08
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I I tell you which dress I like when you shop.
57:10
SPEAKER_01: I love everybody.
57:11
SPEAKER_00: And I tell it to everybody because some people are like, yeah, you right, you're you could pick all your good stuff.
57:16
SPEAKER_01: You for saying, Thanks for coming by.
57:19
SPEAKER_03: Thank you for having me.
57:21
SPEAKER_01: This has been good for you, Pascal.
57:22
SPEAKER_03: I know because I was able to really open my mind my my you know, the feeling I had.
57:27
SPEAKER_03: I wanted you to know where I stood, and uh so I feel much better now.
57:31
SPEAKER_03: I could move on with my life.
57:33
SPEAKER_03: A weight is limited off.
57:35
SPEAKER_03: I have the monkey out of my back now.
57:37
SPEAKER_00: And I'm sorry that like anybody ever criticized you because I knew all along what a kind and dear person, like you were, you would have never been in my final three.
57:45
SPEAKER_00: You would have never been somebody I would have wanted to have those conversations with in the fantasy if I didn't have really strong feelings for you.
57:51
SPEAKER_00: So I wish the world knew you like I know you, and I hope they do now.
57:54
SPEAKER_03: Thank you, thank you.
57:55
SPEAKER_03: It's a pleasure and uh let's keep that friendship going.
57:57
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, of course.
57:58
SPEAKER_01: Great, really.
57:58
SPEAKER_01: Hope you'll come back and thank you for being in my hometown with us, and we will be back next week.