Latest / Chip Ingram Sermon Podcast / How to Bring Out the Very Best in Others

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How to Bring Out the Very Best in Others · Chip Ingram Sermon Podcast

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Today on Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram.
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Have you ever known someone with the ability
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to bring out the very best in others? You know,
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those kind of people that motivate us to soar
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beyond our abilities and to accomplish things
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we never dreamed we could. Would you like to
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be that kind of person? If so, stay with us.
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I'm Dave Drewy, and this is Living on the Edge
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with Chip Ingram. So far in our series called
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Building Authentic Community. We've talked about
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loving people who are hurting, doubting, or drifting.
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Today, Chip shows us how to go even further,
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how to actually bring out the very best in the
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people God's placed in your life. Chip is unpacking
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two of the four keys the Apostle Paul used to
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inspire an entire church to become who God made
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them to be. So if you have your Bible handy,
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go ahead and open it now to 1 Thessalonians chapter
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4. Now here's Chip with today's message titled,
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How to Bring Out the Very Best in Others. You
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know, every now and then you find yourself in
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a situation where you need to be of help to someone.
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You need to inspire them. You need to bring out
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the very best in them. But it's hard. Feel stuck.
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Not sure exactly how to go about it. We're going
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to learn that everyone needs someone at some
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time to give them something in order to become
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the someone. They long to become. Sounds like
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a tongue twister, doesn't it? It really is. But
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think about it. It's true. Everyone needs someone
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at some time to give them the something in order
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to become the someone you long to become. I had
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a time when I had some major issues going on
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in my life, and hindsight is 20 -20. I was only
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going into seventh grade. came into a large junior
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high, 800 or 900 students. I was the shortest
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and skinniest kid of all the boys or girls. At
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least when I was in elementary school, my claim
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to fame was I was the smallest but the fastest.
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And now I went into junior high and I was just
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the smallest. People kept growing and they ran
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right by me. And so I did what happens when you
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feel very insecure and you go through junior
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high years, you don't feel very good about yourself.
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And I became a real... arrogant, smart aleck,
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and I covered up all my insecurities with my
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mouth. And so I acted like I really had it together
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and I would put people down and became obnoxious
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so that people would reject me, which helped
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reinforce how insecure I was. Well, there was
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a fellow named Coach Lance and Neil Lance saw
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beneath the little arrogant kid's mouth and somehow
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saw some potential. He was my PE teacher. I ended
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up three years there. He ended up coaching me.
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I ended up working for him in my college years,
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painting houses. But he motivated me. Early on,
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he motivated me to see beyond my own horizons.
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As I got around him, somehow he saw something
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in me. He wanted to bring out the best in me,
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and he did it in such a way that I began to dream
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new dreams, things that would really matter.
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And then after motivating me and beginning to
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feel better about myself, then he instructed
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me. He taught me. I thought it was about basketball.
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But when I look back, he was teaching me about
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life. He spent time, I mean, even before class,
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after class, during lunch periods, three or four
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days a week, he and I alone in the gym, one -on
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-one. He taught me how to play, taught me how
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to shoot, taught me how to play defense. But
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there was a little talk before and a little talk
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afterwards about life and about values and work
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and principles and honesty. And then it was like
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he had eyes and he would look just to see whenever
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I did something right. I'd play in a game and
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he'd, hey, you did well, Chip. You did this.
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He knew what the temptation was with my mouth.
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And whenever he saw me even mildly keep it shut,
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he'd encourage me and affirm me. And he not only
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motivated me, instructed me, and affirmed me,
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but he cared enough that he corrected me. I'll
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still never forget. I was in his office, and
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now it's my ninth grade year. And you know, some
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of you that are teachers or from your childhood,
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you know when you get real close with a teacher
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and you get a little too familiar and you cross
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that line? With Neil Lance, you crossed it once.
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And so I'm in his office, you know, downstairs
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near the locker room, and he says something,
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and I had this real, it's just me and him, and
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I said this real smart aleck type thing I'll
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never forget. This is in the old days. He grabs
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my shirt with both hands. Now, not brutally,
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not brutality, nothing. And he put me up against
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the wall like this. And I slid down into that
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chair. And then he bent over and he got right
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in my face. He said, Ingram, I'm going to tell
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you something right now. That mouth of yours
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is going to get you in trouble. He said, you're
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ending ninth grade right now and you're going
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to go across to that big building. There's 1
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,500. 10th, 11th, and 12th graders, and you're
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going to open your mouth like that, and some
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junior or senior is going to stick his fist right
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through it, and you will deserve it. And I want
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you to know something, you loudmouth, smart -aleck
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kid. I care about you too much for you to mess
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up your life like that. Do you got it? I don't
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think it's an accident that after seven different
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majors in college, I made sure I kept the educational
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opportunity open. That I taught, that I coached,
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that after all those years and all that time
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practicing, that really I went to play college
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ball because of Neil Lance. I ended up playing
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ball around the seas because of Neil Lance. I
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become a pastor because I went overseas. My life
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has been shaped. My life has been shaped because
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someone understood how to bring out the best
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in another individual far more, far greater than
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I could ever, ever see. And this morning, we
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are going to learn from Scripture how you can
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be that person in someone else's life. You can
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bring out the best. You can be the Coach Lance
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in their life. And when they get in their 30s
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and 40s and 50s, they'll look back and it'll
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be your face. It'll be your voice. It'll be the
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things you said and the things that you did.
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And they'll say, because of you, my life is different.
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And if you want to learn how to do that, the
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Apostle Paul models it for us in 1 Thessalonians
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4, 1 -12. We're going to learn that there's four
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keys to inspiring others to bringing out the
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best in their life. The first one is you've got
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to motivate them. You've got to help them soar
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beyond their present horizon. Secondly, you have
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to teach them. And we're going to learn you have
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to teach them. in the most strategic arena of
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their life. Third, then you have to affirm them
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and you have to affirm them in the areas where
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they've been making the most progress. And then
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finally, you have to correct them whenever their
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attitudes or their actions are thwarting the
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progress that God wants them to make. And you're
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going to see here the Apostle Paul with, I mean,
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supernatural divine wisdom takes this church
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in the center of a pagan. pagan culture. And
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they've been growing for about 18 months, maybe
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two years. And he writes this letter and he's
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going to take people that are really making progress
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and he's going to take them to the next level
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because he's going to model inspirational encouragement.
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As he motivates them, here's what he does. You
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might want to jot this down in your notes if
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you have a pen. Motivate them to soar beyond
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their present horizons. That's what motivation
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is. Motivation isn't hype, not good motivation.
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Motivation is helping someone soar beyond their
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present horizon. So many of us can only see here.
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Motivation helps you see who you could really
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become and what you could really accomplish.
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Under that, you might jot down the first key
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is to appeal to the highest level of meaning
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and purpose. The problem with a lot of motivation,
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it's too cheap, it's too short, and it's too
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meaningless. I mean, motivate people to get wealthy,
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motivate people to just be successful, motivate
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people to be the best ball player, the best dancer,
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the best musician. Why? Well, so they can earn
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a lot of money. Why? So they can be rich and
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famous. Why? So they can move to Southern California.
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Why? So they can be in Hollywood. Why? So they
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can be depressed, divorced, and messed up. Now,
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listen to the Apostle Paul, verse 1. He says,
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Finally, brothers, we instructed or you received
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our teaching, about how to live in order to please
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God. See, he appeals to the various highest level
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of meaning and purpose. He says, I don't want
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to motivate you to some small time temporal achievement.
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He says, do you remember our instructions? You
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have the potential to please the living God of
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the universe. Now that's up there pretty high.
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Notice he goes on. As in fact, you are now living.
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See, not only do you appeal to the highest level
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of meaning and purpose, but secondly, you do
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it positively. You know, is he saying they're
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perfect? No way. He's saying this is where you
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were. You've trusted Christ. You're making progress.
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And your lives right now are pleasing God. Can
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you imagine how motivating it would be to get
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that kind of word from someone like the Apostle
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Paul? Or can you imagine how motivating it would
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be for some kid or some person or some friend
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to hear from you? That they're really pleasing
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God? But he goes on. He teaches them that beyond
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that, that when you motivate someone, it's not
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just appealing to the highest level of meaning
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and purpose. And it's not just doing it positively.
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He's going to do it as a fellow traveler and
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remind them that this whole journey of growth
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is a process. Look what he says. He says, now
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we ask you. And the term means from one equal
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to another. He's a fellow. a believer in this
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trek we call life. He says, now we ask you and
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we urge you in the Lord Jesus to do this more
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and more. He says, you're pleasing God already.
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You're making great progress. But he says, excel
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more. What's the message? The message is, is
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the horizon is always moving. You never arrive.
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You make progress. And then notice, what's the
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goal of his motivation? It's not his agenda.
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It's not even their agenda. Look at verse two.
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Verse two says, for you know what instructions,
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this is a different word than the earlier word.
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This is command or order. For you know what orders
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or instructions we gave you by the authority
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of the Lord Jesus. Do you see what he's saying?
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You motivate people to fulfill God's agenda.
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There's a lot of wealthy, successful people that
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really aren't experiencing all what God wants
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for their life. And there's some wealthy, successful
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people that are experiencing all of what God
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wants for them. The issue when you motivate another
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person is appeal to the highest level of meaning
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and purpose, and that's to please God. And so
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the goal is not so they fulfill their agenda,
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not so they fulfill your agenda. What is it?
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They fulfill God's agenda, his will. And that's
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the first step. And by the way, I think we need
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to take motivation seriously. It's a multi, multi
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-billion dollar industry. Companies have understood
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that, you know, when people aren't motivated,
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they don't do much. We need to understand as
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believers, we need to look into one another's
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eyes and realize we need to motivate. We need
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to encourage. We need to lift the horizons where
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people begin to sense and feel and believe they
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could do what they never dreamed they could do.
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Motivation is not enough, though. Motivation
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without education is hype. It's just blowing
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smoke. You can do it. It'll be great. I can see
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it. No, no, no, no. You got to raise the level
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and then you have to give instruction and teaching
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so they can fulfill God's agenda. Teach them
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in the most strategic area of their life. The
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idea, teach them. When you want to help someone,
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there's a million things in scripture to teach
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them. You can't teach them everything. Teach
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them the most strategic area in their life that
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will produce life change. Now, I don't know about
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you, but if someone did a good inventory of my
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life, I got 10, 12, 15 areas that need improvement.
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I can't work on all of them. If I would go to
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a mentor who would love me and care for me, a
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wise mentor would say, Chip, there's 10 or 12
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areas that really need some work. But as I've
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prayed and pondered, this one is the key. Five
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or six of them all revolve around your inability
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to trust God in this area. That's what we're
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going to work on for the next six months. And
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when that happens, then monumental growth would
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occur. Apostle Paul is going to do that. He's
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writing to a group of people that are in an incredibly
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secular, I mean really secular world. There is...
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temples on every corner. There is immorality
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like you can't imagine. The average Thessalonian
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man who just came to Christ, he has a wife, and
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the wife's job is to stay at home, not be seen,
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not do anything, bury children and heirs. Most
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of them would have a mistress. That was for fun.
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And then, just if you were kind of having a low
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day, I guess, all the pagan temples had prostitutes.
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Because a part of pagan worship, and they were
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at every corner, a part of pagan worship was
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sexual acts. It's amazing. You know, they kind
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of were working to get their cake and eat it
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too. Let's really worship God. And so all these
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young girls were taken into temple prostitution.
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Now, it is a place where sexual purity is unheard
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of, where the holiness of God is denied. So guess
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where the Apostle Paul, what's the most strategic
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area to teach them in? He's going to teach them
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God's not a prude. He's going to teach them that
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God is holy, God is loving, God is compassionate,
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and God is good. And he's going to teach them
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that your present sexual practice is separating
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you from God. There's a huge price tag that you're
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paying. It's unworthy of your calling. And your
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life is not a testimony to the world. And so,
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He's going to teach them three ways. Let me give
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you the first one. First, he's going to explain
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clearly what God's will is. We instruct people
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to fulfill God's agenda. Doesn't it make sense?
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Tell them what his will is. Not your will. Not
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the church's will. Not an organization's will.
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Not the denomination's will. Not what your grandfather
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believed. What is the will of God? Well, where
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do you find the will of God? It's in the word.
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So notice what he says, verse 3. For it is God's
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will that you should be sanctified. The word
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means set apart, be holy, pure, undefiled. And
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then he elaborates, namely, that you should avoid
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or abstain sexual immorality. He says, let me
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tell you the will of God. You guys are doing
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great. You're growing. You've come into this
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absolutely secular, sex -saturated world. And
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he says to them, Hey, this is the will of God.
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And the will of God is that you be sexually pure.
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You can do a little study on this phrase and
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it means that you be sexually pure in your mind.
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It means you don't have lustful thoughts. Remember
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Matthew 5? Jesus said when you lust for a woman
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in your heart, you've committed adultery. It's
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about your thought life. It's also about sexual
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purity vicariously. You know, there's some people
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that would never think of hopping into bed with
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someone other than their mate, but live on pornography,
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soap operas, and romance novels, and vicariously
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live through sexual fantasy. He says, no, you
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need to be pure. And third, not only our thought
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life or vicarious expression, but in our relationships.
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This is saying God wants us as believers for
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our good because of his character and his love.
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He wants us to be sexually pure. He's saying
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this phrase, it is the will of God and here's
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the boundaries and inside the boundaries, one
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man, one woman, sex after marriage as the fulfillment
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of depth and commitment and communication. Any
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other sexual expression by single people or married
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people or same -sex people is out of bounds.
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Now, that's what the Bible teaches. And you say,
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well, that sounds pretty, prudish to me. Of course,
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let's do a little cost -benefit analysis. Wonder
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what life was like when this was a moral fabric
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of our culture. Ah, the divorce rate was minuscule.
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We didn't have AIDS then. Genital herpes was
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a rare commodity. Families weren't fractured.
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People weren't paying financially for paternity
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suits. We didn't have the great majority of people
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going into marriage with psychological and emotional
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scars. We hadn't done the research and we didn't
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know that people that are promiscuous before
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they're married have less satisfying sex lives
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after they're married. See, we didn't have a
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lot of the junk and the price tag that we have
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now. But see, God knew. And so once you explain
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God's will to them, that's verse 3. Now notice
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in verses 4 and 5, when you want to explain God's
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will, I think here's what he does. Tell it. like
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it is with conviction. He's going to expand on
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this. Tell it like it is with conviction. We
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have a lot of people that when it gets down to
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some sensitive subjects, we kind of waffle. Well,
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you know, I'm not really sure what the Bible
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says about. I'm real sure what the Bible says.
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I may not like it and it may be hard, but I mean,
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this is not one of those. I wonder what God really
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thinks about sex. You know what every college
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person always asks you at a conference? I want
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to know the will of God. Can you tell me what
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the will of God for my life? So here's one of
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the passages I always turn to. Sure, it says
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right here, the will of God for your life is
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that you be sexually pure. Makes those conversations
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pretty short, you know. Notice now, though, how
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to say it. When you communicate and you want
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to inspire people, there's a balance. In verses
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three to five, you tell it like it is with conviction.
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But lest you get too uptight in verses 6 through
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8, you tell it why it is with compassion. And
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what we're going to see is, see, Paul's not down
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on these people. They're in a culture much like
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ours. And he wants them to hear the truth, but
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he wants to hear it in grace. So 3 through 5
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is the truth. 6 through 8, he gives them grace.
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So let's look at it. Verse 4, he says, what's
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this sexual immorality? What's it look like?
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It's that each of you should learn. The word
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means to habitually learn and make a practice
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in your life. Learn to control his own body or
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vessel in a way that is holy and honorable. He
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states it positively. He said every single believer
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in Thessalonica and around the world, you should
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learn to get a hold of this human body and that
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you should operate in such a way in the sexual
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arena that it is holy and that is honorable.
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That means every thought that goes through your
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head, whether you're at the beach. which may
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not be a good place to keep those good thoughts,
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men, going through your head, or whether you're
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at a movie or whether you're in the office, is
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the thoughts that are in your head are pure,
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holy, and honorable. It means that every relationship
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with the opposite sex is one where you don't
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feel guilty, you don't feel ashamed, you don't
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feel bad, you don't feel like you're violating.
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You know you can stand before God and know that
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whether you're married or single, that my relationships
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with the opposite sex are holy and honorable.
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Notice the negative side. He goes on to say,
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not by contrast and passionate lust like the
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heathen who do not know God. And so he tells
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it like it is and he tells it with conviction.
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Why? because God's approved, because we're puritanical,
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because we haven't come out of the ice age. No,
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it's because God cares so much. In verses six
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through eight, he's going to give us three specific
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reasons why this is the smartest, most logical,
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beneficial thing for you and all the people you're
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trying to help. In verse six, he's going to teach
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us that why is because it harms others. Sexual
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purity is crucial because when we're immoral,
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it harms others. In verse 7, he's going to say,
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it's going to harm you. End of 7, he's going
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to say, it's inconsistent with your high calling.
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So let's look at it. Reason number one, he says,
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look, compassionately, now the tone changes.
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He says, don't have sex outside of a monogamous.
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marital relationship because one, it harms other
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people. Verse six, and in this matter, what matter?
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In the matter of sexual purity, no one should
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wrong, it means trespass, sin against his brother
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or take advantage of him. That means defraud.
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See, Paul had this holistic view about life unlike
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us. He had this picture that, okay, there's all
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these men, there's all these women. If I get
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involved in immorality or you get involved in
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immorality and you sleep with this person, that
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person, this person, that person, and that person,
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and they sleep with this person, that person,
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and that person, the day is going to come when
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they marry someone. And when they marry that
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someone, God's plan, because sex is holy and
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sacred and he's actually for it. Don't let this
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out. He invented it. And he invented it for pleasure,
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procreation, and the joy of his children. It's
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not dirty. It's not evil. It's not bad. God's
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really pro -sex. But when you have it with other
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people, then the person who shows up at wedding
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night with someone else that you've had sex with
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is a used commodity. You've defrauded your brother.
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You've defrauded your sister. Let me give you
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a very trite illustration. Because to us, we
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think, oh, you know, what's the big deal? I'll
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make this so trite that when you hear it, you're
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going to say, oh, I would never do that. And
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then when you think, if you wouldn't do that
22:59
with ice cream, why would you do it with another
23:01
person? I want you to envision yourself going
23:03
into one of the local supermarkets. A big long
23:06
one, late at night so no one's around. Shiny
23:09
floors. Workers are back stocking the shelves.
23:12
And you go to the ice cream counter, right? You
23:15
know, the glass see -through. You pull open it.
23:18
There it is. Cookies and cream. Your favorite.
23:22
You pull it out. You've planned this very carefully.
23:26
So with your trench coat. You shield so no one
23:28
can see. Holding the ice cream under your trench
23:31
coat, you pull off the top. Looking both ways,
23:34
hearing no footsteps, you now pull out the spoon.
23:37
You dig that spoon in and you just love it and
23:40
love it and love it. It's great. It is sweet.
23:41
It tastes good. It's wonderful. And then you
23:44
realize I better put this out. You lick the spoon,
23:46
stick it back, take a little saliva and smooth
23:49
off the top. Well, you don't want it to look
23:52
used. Then you put the lid back on, you open
23:57
the case, and you put it back and shut it. And
24:00
you say, oh, boy, was that good. Man, that was
24:02
neat. And then someone goes to the grocery store.
24:08
And their little girl has their sixth birthday.
24:12
And it's very special. Everyone's there. And
24:15
her favorite is cookies and cream. But there's
24:19
only one gallon left. And as they go through
24:21
the cart, they open. There's cooking cream. And
24:23
they pull it out. Oh, great. There's one left.
24:25
This is going to make my little girl's day. And
24:27
they get home. And they open it up. And they
24:32
see, wow. This is used stuff. How would you feel?
24:41
I believe in our culture today, most of us are
24:44
more upset about used ice cream. than we are
24:48
about using people that would defraud someone
24:50
else. I want to tell you, God demands sexual
24:55
purity because he cares so much about other people
24:58
that you and me don't have the right to mess
25:02
up the special time. I've never yet, in counseling
25:05
all the couples over many, many years, I have
25:07
yet to have one single couple say, oh, Chip,
25:10
Chip, we went on our honeymoon. I just can't
25:12
believe it. We both saved ourselves and we just
25:14
couldn't figure out how it worked. We just...
25:22
But I'll tell you what. I've talked with people
25:30
coming home from their honeymoon and they've
25:33
told me privately I had the faces of different
25:35
people in my mind. I know this was supposed to
25:38
be a special day and instead I felt cheap and
25:40
I felt dirty and I felt bad and I thought this
25:42
was going to be so great. And I love this man
25:46
with all my heart, but sex isn't a good thing.
25:51
See, God is not a prude. God is holy. And when
25:54
he tells you something, he tells you because
25:56
you matter to him. And he doesn't want us to
25:59
spoil it. Second reason is not only does it harm
26:02
others, but notice the next line, it will harm
26:03
us. He goes on to say, the Lord will punish.
26:09
The word is, he's an avenger. The Lord will avenge
26:12
or punish men for all such sins as we've already
26:16
told you and we've warned you. He's saying it
26:19
compassionately. Don't have sex outside of monogamous
26:22
heterosexual relationship because there's a price
26:24
tag. I'm just telling you. God is holy. He's
26:27
not going to change his character. He loves you.
26:29
He will forgive you. He's merciful. But people
26:32
that have sex get AIDS. They get psychologically
26:36
wounded. They damage future relationships. They
26:41
ruin families. You know what? It's like gravity.
26:46
You don't have to believe this. But once you
26:48
jump off that fifth story building, the pain
26:51
when you hit the pavement is about the same whether
26:53
you believe in it or not. God is a wholly just
26:56
God. And this command is to protect you. Notice
27:00
the third compassionate reason. Verse 7, for
27:02
God did not call us to be impure. but to live
27:05
holy lives. He says, it's just inconsistent.
27:08
God is holy. How can you live an impure, unholy
27:11
life? Because you're called, you're one of his.
27:14
He wants you to reflect his love and his nature
27:15
and his character. It would just be, I mean,
27:18
how could you do it? It's so inconsistent with
27:22
your calling. And then notice verse eight, the
27:25
summary says, therefore, he who rejects this
27:29
instruction, what instruction? About sexual purity.
27:32
It's a rejection of God who, notice present tense,
27:35
gives you his Holy Spirit. And I'm sure Paul
27:39
wasn't trying to change his theology as though
27:41
you got the Holy Spirit in installments. Present
27:43
tense continually. When you trust Christ, you're
27:45
sealed with the Spirit, adopted, you become his
27:47
family. You are his. But this giving of the Holy
27:51
Spirit, I think he's talking about experientially.
27:53
You know what? When we sin against God, we grieve,
27:57
we break God's heart. And in years and years
28:01
and years of working with men and working with
28:03
couples, my observation is until you and I get
28:09
the area of sexual purity, consistently making
28:13
progress and victory, you will not experience
28:16
the peace of the Holy Spirit. And you will not
28:19
experience the power of the Holy Spirit. And
28:22
you will not experience spiritual fruitfulness.
28:25
We had a guy in our church talk about three years
28:28
as a growing Christian hooked on pornography,
28:31
hating himself, feeling condemned, feeling torn
28:33
inside, just struggling. And he said, you know,
28:36
I knew Christ. And a half hour later, he's got
28:39
a zeal to share his faith. And he said, I felt
28:40
like such a hypocrite trying to tell people about
28:42
Christ after the trash that I just watched. There's
28:47
a lot of people that aren't tasting and not experiencing
28:50
a fraction of what God has for you. And I understand
28:55
you live in a sex -saturated culture. I understand.
28:57
Is it tough? Yeah. I mean, I used them all. I
29:00
tried to negotiate at least one of the Ten Commandments
29:03
out in my first two years as a Christian. Hey,
29:07
God, you know, I'd go nine for ten. Really. And
29:10
I'll keep the other nine. No negotiations. He
29:15
loved me too much. At this point, there may be
29:18
some of you that are saying, oh boy, might have
29:23
been a good morning to sleep in. You know, like,
29:29
I know in a group this size, there's some people
29:36
that are addicted to soap operas, romance novels,
29:39
and pornography. I know in a group this size,
29:42
some of you are involved in extramarital affairs.
29:45
I know in a group this size, some of you single
29:47
people are living with someone else. You need
29:51
to hear compassionately, but with conviction,
29:54
what you're doing is wrong. What you're doing
29:58
is sin. And God loves you too much. And he's
30:02
saying today, not tomorrow, not maybe. It's not
30:05
like quitting, you know, smoking. You know, I
30:07
get three packs and I get down to two and I get
30:09
down to one. You know, this isn't one of those
30:11
where you say, you know, I'm sleeping around
30:13
three or four times a week. I'll cut back to
30:15
two. I'm really making progress. This isn't one
30:17
of those. This is one where you say today, I'm
30:22
going to break off the relationship. I won't
30:23
see her or him again. I won't do it in person
30:26
because if you do it in person, you'll be right
30:27
back into it. One phone call, one letter. That's
30:31
it. I'm sorry. This means we're going to figure
30:33
out how do we live apart. And don't give me that.
30:36
We can't afford to live separately. You can afford
30:38
to live under the judgment of a holy God. but
30:42
you can't afford to live separately, go to your
30:44
closest friends and say, hey, if you love one
30:46
another and it's the right person for you, can
30:48
I live with you for a while? We need to figure
30:49
out how to court and get our lives pure and right
30:52
so we can get married. I don't know what you
30:54
need to do, but you must take a drastic step.
30:59
This is the kind of sin that Jesus said when
31:01
he talked about sin. He said, if your hand causes
31:04
you to sin, cut it off. If your eye causes you
31:06
to sin, poke it out. Now, he didn't mean literally
31:08
because you can sin with the other eye. He means
31:11
be as drastic as you need to be to deal as radically
31:15
as you need to because it will eat you up. Let
31:20
me give you three very specific ways to respond
31:23
to this and grow and overcome it because there's
31:27
victory. First, get honest. Get honest. Of all
31:35
the areas, boy, the first couple, three years
31:38
of my Christian life, oh man. And not that I
31:41
don't still struggle, but not in the same way.
31:43
I'd go out with some girl and do some things
31:45
I knew that was wrong. I'd think some things
31:48
and be involved in some things and go some places.
31:51
Oh, God, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. And
31:54
I felt dirty and cheap and guilty. Two days later,
31:57
oh, God, please forgive me. Take it away. Take
32:00
it away. I'm just so sorry. Four hours later,
32:02
oh, God, you know, and it's driving me nuts.
32:06
And I remember getting down, you know, thinking
32:07
maybe if I kneel, maybe if I kneel, he'll hear
32:10
me better, you know. Oh, God, you know, and I'm
32:14
kneeling, I'm praying, you know, the same whining
32:16
prayer about deliver me from my sexual sin and
32:18
my lust and going over boundaries with girls
32:21
that I know are wrong. And I didn't have a mystical
32:23
experience, and I don't think it was an audible
32:25
voice from God, but I heard the Spirit's prompting
32:28
as clear, hey, Chip, hey, Chip, you don't want
32:34
to quit. Hey, get real, Chip. It's not that you,
32:39
what you don't like is the guilt and the consequences,
32:42
but you not only don't want to quit, you like
32:45
this sin, Ingram. In fact, you really dig it.
32:48
In fact, you're getting addicted to it. Now,
32:50
let me tell you something, Chip. The moment you
32:53
get honest and you really want help, I'll help
32:56
you. But let's not play games. Let's not pray
32:59
prayers. Oh, God, God. Get honest. Ruthlessly
33:04
honest. The 12 -step people have much to teach
33:06
us here. Get to the point where you realize,
33:09
hey, I can't do this. And that's step two. Get
33:12
honest, then get desperate or broken. Get desperate.
33:16
I mean, willpower does not have the power to
33:19
deliver you from sexual sin. You can't overcome
33:22
pornography or lust or romance novels or cut
33:25
off an affair by, okay, I'm going to do it. You
33:28
can't do it. It's too strong. But when you get
33:32
desperate and say, oh, God, I remember I got
33:34
the point. I said, God, I can't lick this. And
33:37
I could almost sense heaven say, oh, great, we're
33:40
finally on the same page. I knew you couldn't
33:44
lick this. But when you get desperate and admit
33:48
you can't do it, then you say, willpower? No,
33:51
grace. God, give me grace. Give me power. Give
33:55
me strength. He'll give it to you. Get help is
33:59
number three. I don't believe you're designed
34:02
to do this on your own. Our friend in the men's
34:05
breakfast talked about first sharing his pornography
34:07
problem straight up with his wife. And they began
34:11
to pray about it as a couple. See, what happens
34:14
is he's humbling himself, isn't he? When you
34:16
humble yourself, what do you get? Grace. Grace
34:18
always flows towards humility. God is always
34:21
opposed to the proud. Biblical axiom. And then
34:25
after that, he got together with three, four.
34:28
I mean, key guys. And he said, I just put it
34:30
on the table and said, guys, this is where I'm
34:33
at. And he said, 50 % of the struggle was gone
34:37
when I got honest with a group of other men.
34:41
And he says, now they keep me accountable. He
34:43
actually went very, you talk about cutting off
34:45
your hand. He changed jobs. He said, I'm not
34:48
traveling anymore. I decide I won't turn it on.
34:51
I won't do this. It's an addiction. I'm not going
34:53
to travel anymore. He switched jobs. What do
34:57
you need to do? What do you need to do? Don't
35:02
leave here feeling like the big heavy hand of
35:05
God has come upon me. Hopefully that's happened
35:08
if you're in sexual sin because it's big and
35:10
it's heavy because you matter so much. He loves
35:12
you so much. He doesn't want those consequences
35:14
for you. And you know what? It's not like you're
35:17
enhancing his reputation. You know, when you've
35:21
got those issues and then you tell someone about
35:22
Christ or tell them where you go to church, guess
35:24
what their opinion is? Yeah. That's what I thought
35:26
Christians were like. There's a lot at stake.
35:31
I encourage you before you walk out the doors
35:34
today, determine what you will do before the
35:37
creator of the universe about being sexually
35:40
pure and clean. And you can leave forgiven, restored,
35:44
and get tied in with others to help you gain
35:47
victory. We're all in this boat together. Moving
35:50
on, you motivate, you teach. Now notice he affirms
35:55
them. And by the way, you need to hear this.
35:58
He affirms them where? At the point of their
36:00
greatest progress. And what I love too is that,
36:04
you know, we don't often think about how could
36:05
you talk about people struggling with sexual
36:07
purity and then affirm them? Yeah. Yeah, because
36:11
you know what? Sexual purity isn't the worst
36:13
sin in the whole world. It's not a good one.
36:15
And there's great consequences. But you know,
36:18
I've got a good, good friend who's discipling
36:20
a gal right now. And boy, she comes from just
36:23
a pagan, pagan background. And she's really starting
36:25
to grow spiritually and she's in the Bible and
36:27
she's growing. And it just came out here after
36:29
quite a time. She says, you know, I'm starting
36:32
to get the feeling that God may not want my boyfriend
36:34
and I to live together. Praise God. You know,
36:38
we're in journey. We're in process. So look what
36:40
he says. He says now about brotherly love. We
36:43
don't need to write you for you yourselves have
36:46
been taught by God how to love each other. And
36:48
in fact, you do love all the brothers throughout
36:51
Macedonia yet. We urge you, brothers, do so more
36:55
and more. Do you get this? Right after, by the
36:57
way, affirmation is an excellent thing to give
37:01
right after you've had to do a hard teaching.
37:04
Notice also that affirmation needs to be specific.
37:07
He didn't say, yeah, you're a nice church and
37:09
I hear some good reports. He takes the most valued
37:12
behavior and their point of greatest progress
37:14
and he specifically says, you are loving well.
37:17
Man, am I proud of you. Your love is awesome.
37:19
Way to go, Thessalonians. Wouldn't it be good
37:22
to hear that after someone just busted you right
37:24
between the eyes spiritually and you realize,
37:25
wow. I mean, I'm not even on first base, actually,
37:29
in terms of purity in my life as a Thessalonian.
37:33
But you know, God's working in my whole life
37:35
and I'm going to deal with that. But that doesn't
37:37
mean God doesn't care. And it doesn't mean Paul's
37:40
down on me. It means he wants me to be the man
37:43
or the woman for God's glory and my good that
37:47
I can be. Affirmation then is followed by correction.
37:51
And as we move to this last little section. This
37:56
grows out of a misinterpretation and miscommunication
37:59
possibly of some teaching the Apostle Paul did
38:01
on the end times, on the return of Christ. And
38:03
he taught Jesus is coming back. Jesus is coming
38:06
back. Just as he ascended, so he'll return. Well,
38:10
what happened is at least part of the group heard
38:14
this and thought to themselves, you know, it
38:17
could be today. Well, that's right. It could
38:18
be tomorrow. And then they looked around and
38:21
thought, boy, this is a loving church. I mean,
38:23
whenever you have a need, people just step up
38:25
and take care of you. You need a meal, they give
38:26
you a meal. And so a certain group that was starting
38:29
to grow said, you know what? There's no use going
38:31
to work today because Jesus may be back and I
38:34
want to be kind of ready. And why go to work
38:37
when all these other loving Christians can take
38:40
care of me? But notice how correction comes after
38:45
affirmation. By the way, that's a good way to
38:47
do it. You need to affirm, encourage, and then.
38:52
Correction needs to be, do you remember? You
38:55
need to correct any attitude or action that is
38:58
thwarting their spiritual progress. That means
39:02
there's a lot of things you don't correct. Parents,
39:04
Chip. That means there's a lot of things that,
39:07
you know, it's really not that big a deal. It
39:09
just bugs you. But if it's an attitude or an
39:12
action that is thwarting their progress, then
39:16
you correct. And when you correct, how do you
39:18
do it? Do it after you affirm them. How do you
39:21
do it? You do it practically, positively, and
39:25
specifically. Paul's correction is be responsible,
39:29
make an impact. He could have said, hey, man,
39:32
what's the deal? Bunch of loafers, bunch of slackers.
39:35
You're not going to work. You've misinterpreted
39:37
what I've said. Man, I'm up to here with you
39:39
guys. Get a job. Now, that would have been true.
39:42
That would have been true. But that's not how
39:44
he did it. Notice how positively he does it.
39:47
He says, verse 11, make it your ambition. To
39:49
do three things. Lead a quiet life. Two, to mind
39:53
your own business. And three, to work with your
39:55
hands, not highly esteemed in that day. Just
39:58
as we told you. So he's reminding them. Now,
40:01
the first little thing here about their ambition,
40:03
leading a quiet life doesn't mean that they shouldn't
40:05
talk anymore. The opposite or antonym of this
40:08
word is the restlessness that grows out of selfish
40:12
ambition. So he says it's not quite like don't
40:15
say anything. It's quiet in terms of get your
40:18
life focus on God's agenda instead of this restlessness
40:21
that comes in trying to fulfill your own all
40:23
the time. Secondly, he says, mind your own business.
40:26
And that doesn't mean that, you know, you don't
40:27
talk to other people and help them out. It says,
40:29
hey, basically, you know, pay your own bills,
40:31
take care of your own house, get your own life
40:34
under control. And third, he gives them a practical
40:36
way to do it. Get a job. And, you know, not just
40:39
the jobs that you think are up here or there.
40:41
He said, hey, he gives great dignity to working
40:43
with your hands. Now, why? Why does he do that?
40:48
He says there's two reasons. In order that or
40:50
so that our daily life may win the respect of
40:53
outsiders. Our testimony is on the line. And
40:58
so that you will not be dependent on anyone.
41:00
Hey, don't suck the life out of the group of
41:03
the church. Get a job, support yourself. You
41:06
know what? People who don't show up, people who
41:08
don't work, people that are idle, that's not
41:09
a good testimony. And so you see this inspirational
41:13
encourager, the Apostle Paul, and he sees this
41:17
group like a diamond in the rough. And he sees
41:19
them in this black pagan culture and he motivates
41:22
them and he helps them see beyond their horizons.
41:25
And then he teaches or instructs them in their
41:27
most strategic area of need. And then he affirms
41:30
them in their area of greatest progress. And
41:32
then finally he corrects them. Wouldn't it be
41:35
great to be the person that someday someone in
41:40
a small group or across a coffee table or in
41:42
a restaurant in casual conversation would say
41:45
your name and then behind it say, they're the
41:50
ones that made the big difference in my life.
41:52
I wouldn't be here today without them. I had
41:56
a big decision about such and such or such and
41:58
such, and they told me the truth. I didn't like
42:00
it at first, but they cared enough to correct
42:02
me. They helped me see things I never dreamed
42:05
I could do. And now I'm not only doing them,
42:07
but I'm good at them. Wouldn't it be great? And
42:11
it's possible if we would become inspirational
42:16
encouragers. As you flip to the back page, I
42:19
think there's an order that's important. And
42:22
the order is that you need to motivate before
42:25
you instruct. People don't want to learn until
42:29
they see the vision. Next, we need to instruct
42:32
before we affirm. You want to affirm the teaching
42:36
and the behavior when they respond to the Lord
42:39
and to Scripture. Third, we must affirm before
42:42
we correct. People need to know they're loved.
42:46
Kind of the trust needs to go in before the truth
42:49
goes on. And then finally, we need to correct
42:52
with the motivation and view. Ultimately, where
42:55
did Paul? He started with, you live lives pleasing
42:58
to God. And he ended with, live a life so that
43:02
your daily life would be a testimony to others,
43:05
what? That you're pleasing God. What a thought
43:09
today that every person in this room, by the
43:12
grace of the Lord Jesus, can please the eternal
43:15
God of the universe. Two questions before you
43:19
leave. Who's the person that you could be a mentor
43:25
to who needs your inspiration? And for some of
43:29
you, who's the person you would like to be like
43:32
that you might ask this week to help you grow?
43:34
Even if they can only meet once a month with
43:36
you, to ask them, would you help motivate and
43:39
teach and affirm and correct my life? And then
43:43
finally, you can't impart what you don't possess.
43:46
Where's God spoken to you today? And for many,
43:50
it's in that area of sexuality. Let's kind of
43:53
bring it back. You can't do for anyone else until
43:57
God does something radical in you. So if you
44:01
need to confess your sin, need to repent, need
44:05
to get broken, you tell God you're sorry, do
44:07
it right now. Because a half hour from now, it
44:11
will be foggy. And you'll have nine reasons why
44:14
it's sort of okay. Right now in this room, the
44:16
Spirit of God is working and you know what's
44:18
right, do it. Just take the first step and God
44:22
will give you the grace to take the next three.
44:26
You're listening to Living on the Edge with Chip
44:29
Ingram and a message titled, How to Bring Out
44:31
the Very Best in Others. Right now, we're in
44:34
a series called Building Authentic Community,
44:36
How to Lift Up Those You Love. And if you ever
44:39
want to revisit one of these encouraging lessons,
44:41
just go online to livingontheedge .org. You can
44:46
also get these daily lessons downloaded automatically
44:48
by subscribing to the Living on the Edge podcast
44:51
wherever you listen. And if you want to hear
44:54
the original full -length sermons, subscribe
44:56
to the Chip Ingram sermon podcast. Bringing out
45:00
the very best in someone only works if you genuinely
45:03
love them enough to do the work Chip talked about
45:05
today. Well, that's exactly the kind of love
45:08
Chip explores in his book, I Choose Love. As
45:11
Victor Hugo once wrote, the greatest happiness
45:14
of life is the conviction that we are loved,
45:17
loved in spite of ourselves. And Chip shows that
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this kind of love, what the Bible calls agape
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love, isn't about warm feelings or good intentions.
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It's a decision to sacrifice for somebody else's
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best interest. The same love Scripture promises
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never fails. Get your copy of I Choose Love at
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a special price today at livingontheedge .org
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slash offers. If today's message brought out
45:42
something in you, consider doing the same for
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somebody else by supporting this ministry. Become
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a monthly partner or make a generous one -time
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gift right now by going online to livingontheedge
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.org or by calling us at 888 -333 -6003. You
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can also send your gift by mail to Living on
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the Edge, P .O. Box 3007, Sewanee, Georgia 30024.
46:07
Well, now here's Chip Ingram. Webster says inspiration
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is to breathe life upon, to infuse, to stimulate,
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to impel to some creative or effective effort.
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He says it means to cause, to guide, to communicate
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or motivate by a divine or supernatural influence.
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Now what we've been examining together is a model
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of inspiration that comes right out of God's
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Word. Paul loved the Thessalonians. He's writing
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this letter and he gave them some good doctrine.
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But what we see here is four keys to inspiration.
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And so as we close our time, let me give you
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the cliff notes on this, all right? You want
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to inspire someone. You want to help someone
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really reach their full potential. Number one,
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motivate them. Don't assume they're going to
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be motivated. Motivate them. Give them a shot
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in the arm. Appeal to the highest level of meaning
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and purpose. Say you can do it and set the bar
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high. Number two, Teach them. So often we motivate,
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but we don't take the time to really teach people
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the what, the specifics of what they need to
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do, the skills they need to master in order to
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be successful. That takes time. Don't skip that.
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Number three, affirm them. Every time you see
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people making progress, you need to literally
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jump up and down, give them a pat on the back,
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verbally affirm them. Your kids, your friends,
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people can reach their full potential, but they've
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got to believe that someone believes in them.
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You can be that person. And number four, correct
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them. This is a tough one, but you need and I
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need to step in when they get off the mark, make
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it brief, be to the point. Be specific and correct
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them. And you follow these four keys of inspiration,
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moms and dads, I'll tell you what, your kids
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want to do what's good. So what do you do? Motivate,
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teach, affirm, and correct. Paul teaches us this
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little profile to inspire people. Join us next
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time when Chip continues our series on building
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authentic community, right here on Living on
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the Edge. Today's program is produced and sponsored
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by Living on the Edge.