Latest / A Heart That Beats for Home / 22. Discipline, Training, Coaching & Friendship in Parenting - Summer Series

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22. Discipline, Training, Coaching & Friendship in Parenting - Summer Series · A Heart That Beats for Home

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Hey friends, I'm Nikki Smith, your host here at A Heart that Beats for Home, the podcast where we're ditching filters and diving headfirst into the raw beauty of all things home.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: Now, I am no expert when it comes to this whole parenting and marriage dance.
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: I'm simply a gal who's been riding the mom roller coaster for 22 years and a wife still untangling the mystery of it all 25 years after saying I do.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: My goal is to bring you unapologetically messy and boldly genuine conversations about cultivating strong families.
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh, possibly cry, and straight talk about the joy and chaos that comes within the four walls that we call home.
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: No judgment and certainly no perfection, just real talk from my heart, a heart that beats for home.
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: Let's dive in.
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: Hey friends, welcome back, happy to have you here as we kick off our summer series that we have been gearing up here for the last couple of weeks.
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: We've been talking about it and I am so excited for it.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: We are officially in June, which I sure hope means that most of your kiddos are all done with school.
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: I have been watching online all of the things that are already happening as college students are going to orientations and, just goodness, all of the things that happen at all different stages of parenting, whether it's those with littles that are just getting into a routine of having everyone home, all the way up to those with the older kids that are adjusting into camping here for June, july and August, using the book by Andy and Sandra Stanley called Parenting Getting it Right and this is a book that is a newer book, but it's concepts that I have been listening to from them for several years applying to our parenting and making adjustments just a lot of good wisdom in it, and so I thought it would just be a really great way to kind of break down the summer.
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: So I am recording this podcast from the lake.
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: I know I said last week that one of the reasons that I was doing this series was it allowed for me to really do a lot of the work for these next 3 months back at home before we got up here to the lake for the summer.
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: But this is one that I was still kind of working on, wanting to be able to kind of lay out the format for the 4 different stages, the things that we're going to walk through, give you guys some insight to the different guests that we're going to have and just dig into this a little bit.
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: So I'm up here at a new spot and have a whole new recording studio here, kind of jerry-rigged in my bedroom, and just so grateful that I can take this on the road with me, but just really, really excited.
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: And part of my excitement comes from the fact that I have already recorded more than 50% of the interviews that you guys are going to be hearing over the next three months, and the amount of goodness, the amount of richness and wisdom that is packed into these next 12 or so weeks of interviews is just.
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: It's amazing, and I have learned so much.
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: I feel like I keep saying things back to my husband or my kids like I heard this from this person and this person said that, and even just being able to go back and doing the editing I'm listening to them, sometimes two and three times between the recording, the first edit, the final edit and just again how I pick up so much every single time I listen.
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: And so maybe for you this summer, you want to keep a notebook, maybe you just want to take time to sit and jot notes with these 12 different conversations that we have, or maybe it's something that you listen to when you're out on your walk, maybe you jot some things down in the notes of your phone, but I just feel like God is going to use all of these different individuals that have been willing to give their time and share their wisdom and talk about parenting and marriage and struggles and triumphs and just the raw, honest part of raising a family, and so I am just really, really excited.
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: And so just to kind of lay out this book and the way that it breaks parenting into four different stages I know we touched on this really quickly last week, just kind of preparing us for coming into this summer but really want to dive into these a little bit more and just talk through some of the main things in this book that stuck out to me and this is something that I'm going to recommend that any, any parent to get, doesn't matter what age your kids are.
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: If you're almost done, maybe you even have adult children I just feel like there's so much insight into this, so much knowledge, and they got this information from somebody else, and so this is the beautiful thing about wisdom is it just gets passed on and a little bit more gets added to it and it snowballs and it keeps going and I really hope that you guys would all go get this book.
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: There's actually a workbook.
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: If you're looking for a Bible study or maybe a mom's group that's getting together even just for playdates this summer, this would be such an amazing tool to use as we have these conversations around parenting and that that tagline of getting it right.
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: And so what does getting it right mean?
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: You look at that and you say, well, sure, what is it?
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: How do we know that we're getting it right?
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: And I think a lot of us would ask ourselves am I doing it right?
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: And the reality is that when I look at my children's life, if they get 18 years as quote, unquote kids and then, lord willing, they get 60, 70, 80 years beyond, that the part of childhood is such a small piece of the grand landscape of life.
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: And if my goal is just to get my kids to learn all the do's and don'ts, I don't know that I've done them enough justice for really what I have the ability and the gift to be able to do in my home for those 18 years before they go off and then live seven to 80 years as adults again, lord willing.
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: So my goal is not just to raise good kids.
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: Mine and my husband's goal is not just to raise good kids.
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: Our goal is to raise strong, capable adults who are independent, who have integrity.
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: And am I doing it right?
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: That's I mean, who gets to judge that Ultimately?
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: What what Andy and Sandra have come to in their own life when they ask themselves what is the it?
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: What is it?
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: It can't just be parenting.
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: Parenting is too broad.
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: So if you look at raising kids and you say, am I getting it right?
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: We have to know what the it is.
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: And for them, they were able, through their own processing and thinking and just delving into what it is that they really wanted it to be, that was the marker of if they were getting it right was one simple North Star for them, which was we want our adult children to choose to come back and have relationship with us when they no longer have to, and so it's very much centered around relationship, and relationship that's going to span way beyond those 18 years that we have at home.
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: I love that.
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: I love that concept of if my it is having children who want to have relationship with me after it's all said and done.
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: And I have to give a little asterisk to that, because I think I have to say that for me and my husband, it above all other things would be that they come to know and understand and have a relationship with the Lord as their Savior.
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: Obviously, that is the foundation of all of life.
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: But when I'm looking at long-term parenting goals outside of their own relationship with the Lord, I love that concept of if my it, if my North star is.
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: I want to raise adults that choose to come back, that choose to have relationship with their siblings, that choose to have relationship with me and my husband because they want to, not because they have to.
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: It allows you to start looking at a lot of the lenses in parenting, a little different than if we're just looking at it as I just need to teach them all the rules I need to make sure they know right from wrong.
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: I need to drill these things into them.
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: They need to be responsible, and it can become kind of a checklist way of parenting as opposed to this really intentional digging in and building relationship, because relationship is the thing that will have them come back.
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: For me, I know I've talked about it several times here on the podcast that I am reading the book of Proverbs 12 times through this year.
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: I've just started the sixth time.
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: Through.
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: Every time, every chapter, there's something new and rich.
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: And just this week, when I was reading the Bible verse that most of us know from childhood trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean, not on your own understandings, in all your ways, acknowledge him and he will make your path clear.
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: A little bit as a parent not a little bit, probably a lot bit I get very caught up on the leaning on my own understandings and my understandings in the grand scheme of things, specifically in the realm of eternity and what the Lord sees.
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: My understanding is so limited, is so limited, and yet so often I parent from a place of my own understanding and I think, if anything, this book doing these podcasts, having these verses that keep coming back up, is just this reminder to me.
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: It's these two verses together.
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: I was just talking to a friend about this whole concept of trust, and when I take that Bible verse of trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean, not on your own understandings, and all your ways, acknowledge him and he will make your path clear, and then you mirror that with another verse, that is, for I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord plans to give you a hope and a future, and if that's true for me, it's also true for my kids.
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: So kind of coupling all of this stuff together, as I've been doing a ton of walking, I've committed to my 10,000 steps a day, which means a lot of time on the road in front of the house back and forth and a lot of thinking and praying and just putting that all together really, this understanding that if I'm trusting in the Lord, if I'm not leaning on my own understanding which so often is the thing that I want to be the driving force that makes me make decisions, that determines how I show up, determines how I parent, but if I'm trusting in him, in the Lord's plan and in his path to be made clear for me and my children, and I'm also believing that he can do exceedingly and abundantly more than I could ever ask or imagine, and that he has the future of my children and the hopes and the dreams of my children already covered, that he already is control of that.
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: It is not dependent on me.
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: I think so often in this parenting journey we put this weight of every single success in my child's life is dependent on me doing it right, me getting it right, and I think when I can step back and I can put this all into context and really see like no, I need to lean on his understanding, getting it right for me is going to be leaning into relationship and building relationship, and I feel like that has been a foundation that we have been able to build with our adult children.
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: I pray that that continues and that we continue to grow in wisdom as we learn to parent adult children, as so much of it's different and we'll talk a lot about that but just kind of that peace that it brings in knowing he is the one that is going to be in control of the successes of my children.
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: I can't let my wrongness have a heavier weight on me than the realization of God's goodness, and it takes a lot of that burden of me having to get it all right Now.
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: Do I want to every day show up in my very best and give my very best to my kids?
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: Absolutely Do.
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: I believe that that harmful parenting can have a ripple effect and can really impact children as they grow and as they go out on their own.
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: Absolutely 100%.
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: But I think in the average home, where there's not abuse and there's not horrible things happening, when we're just talking about day to day and parents like yourselves who are showing up, that want to grow and that want to do it right, and that are looking for wisdom and insight and are reading the books and are listening to the podcast and are going to the word that we need to just have that reminder that I don't have to lean on my own understanding.
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: I can trust in the Lord, I can acknowledge that he's going to make the path clear, I can trust that he has a hope in the future for my children and then I can just lean into building relationship.
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: And so let's dig in a little bit to some of the things that we're gonna find in this book.
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: Again, I hope that you guys all go grab this, but the things that are gonna kind of be the guidebook for how we walk through this summer.
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: So a couple things that Andy says in the book is number one your relationship with your child is determined by the law of the harvest, not the urgency of the daily demand, and for me it makes me go.
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: Am I reactive or am I deliberate in how I show up in my parenting, because when I'm looking at the law of the harvest, right, you think of seeds planted and that there's a time that goes by and there's watering and there's cultivating and there's caring for, as opposed to just the the tyranny of the urgence and everything is always the day determines what we're doing and everything is reactive, as opposed to really deliberate parenting by that law of harvest, of sowing, sowing, sowing, sowing.
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: Maybe not even seeing a lot of harvest for years, sometimes maybe decades, or maybe even wondering is any of the seed even taking root?
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: Because everything seems to be going opposite of what I had planned for this harvest.
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: But really looking at that law of the harvest and I think, even coming into summer, it's so great to be thinking about that law of harvest as how am I using this time?
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: How am I using this time, these blocks that we are gifted?
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: Again, I don't think it really matters if you homeschool or if you're in traditional school, if your children are older or younger there are seasons that give us different opportunities to sow a harvest or taking a few minutes and thinking about how am I going to use this time as an investment into the relationship with my kids, how am I going to use this time as part of the harvesting for the it that we're going for?
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: And I think it's important that we all sit down, have a conversation, go on a date night If you're a single parent take some time and really dig into that to think what is it that I'm after, so that I can really come back and ask myself and have kind of a point of a litmus test to go am I getting it right?
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: If my goal is relationship when my children are older, is the things that I'm doing right now, the way that I'm being deliberate, or the way that I'm reacting, or the way that I'm responding, or the tones that I'm using, or the parameters that I'm setting around the guidelines and the rules and the boundaries Are those things that I'm doing, either as a single parent or in community with my spouse as we're raising these kids?
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: Are those decisions that we're doing putting us on a path to be able to say, yes, these things are moving us to a place that we will be able to harvest something that is within the realm of what we're really going for, or is this really just totally?
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: We're living in urgency and the daily demands are absolutely controlling.
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: I absolutely love the quote that says if you don't define or determine your it, it will be chosen for you.
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: And I think I can look at so many different areas in my life where I showed up to something and I didn't have really defined goals of what it was that I wanted.
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: I hadn't taken the time to say this is the end result that I really want to get from this situation or from this experience, and when you go into it without that predetermined, it will be chosen for you.
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: And so that's a scary thing when we think about that in the light of parenting.
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: If we do not define what that North Star is, what it is that we're aiming for as parents, then it will be chosen for us, and a lot of times it will be chosen in a way that we don't like.
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: Me and my husband were just having a conversation.
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: We took a bike ride around the lake a couple of nights ago and there's about a 10 mile stretch where it's just a nice flat path and so we can cycle right next to each other and I can actually carry on a conversation because I'm not dying going up hills.
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: And we were just talking about parenting through the years and I just said.
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: You know, there's one thing that I wish we would have done differently with our older girls, and I have to give us grace on it, because I think we are one of the first generations that are raising children, or that did raise children through the era of.
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: They've had phones and they've had technology since they were grade school.
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: Our oldest computers and cell phones really probably the last 10, 15 years have been pretty common, but really in the last 10 years have taken over.
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: We have the laptops, we have the iPads, we have the cell phones, we have the smart TVs, we have just everything.
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: And it's this first generation of parents and kids that are really having to figure this out.
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: And we never made a hundred percent rule that nothing could ever go in the bedroom.
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: Now, we had a lot of parameters, there was a lot of checking, there was, you know, back and forth on this, but it was never decided.
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: Like absolutely no electronics are in the bedroom.
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: Now, with our next child who, we had that big gap and so we got to learn and grow and see wisdom from other people.
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: We got to see how things worked well and how things didn't work well, but really just not having a solid plan going into technology 10 years ago and how it was going to start to control our lives.
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: Ultimately, the path on how that looked was kind of chosen for us, for both us and our kids, and now being able to say, no, we're actually going to have an it the.
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: It now when it comes to that is there will be no technology in bedrooms.
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: I can't go now to my 22 year old and my 19 year old and say, guess what?
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: That ship has sailed.
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: Thank the Lord, he's protected us and it hasn't been a huge issue.
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: But just having that conversation with my husband to say, man, we didn't understand the power of technology back then and we didn't understand and we couldn't have understood how it was going to evolve and change, but just how sometimes those things then are chosen for you.
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: How we handle how we allow people to respect one another in our home, or how we handle how clean things are or what responsibilities people have.
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: All of these are issues and again, you have to choose the ones that are going to be the ones that you're going to talk about all the time, or you will just be a blubbering noise for your kids and they won't hear anything because every single thing can't be your big platform, but on some of these bigger ones, really needing to sit down and say what is it that we're going for, so that the it isn't chosen for you but you get to choose it for you and your family, I just thought that was so good.
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: And when we have those predetermined destinations in mind, this is what we want, this is the vision we have for our family, this is the vision we have for how electronic use will or won't impact our family, or the guidelines that we're going to put or how we're going to treat each other.
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: These are the parameters, these are the non-negotiables.
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: When we don't have those things in place, those predetermined destinations, when those are not in place, we tend to react rather than lead with an end goal in mind, and so we respond differently when we don't know what those end destination goals are.
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: How we handle our emotions.
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: Am I super angry and short-tempered or am I committed to really helping and nurturing the relationship as we work through?
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: Why are those emotions there?
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: Where are they coming from, as opposed to that tyranny of the urgent and the screaming of.
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: I'm overwhelmed.
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: Your emotions are out of control.
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: Get it together.
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: Things just look so different Bad behavior.
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: Do I attack and I come at people when bad behavior emerges, or do I take a deep breath and realize that my ultimate goal is to draw my children into relationship with me, not to push them away, and so do I take the time to calm and to nurture and to invest in, to help find out where is the root of that bad behavior coming from?
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: There's a couple of podcasts where we talk specifically about that, like getting to the heart of bad behavior and where is it coming from?
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: Or am I just reactive?
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: Same thing with arguing, you know, I believe and this is something that I have to work on, talked about here in this book is that as parents, we never, ever, ever, ever should be arguing with our children.
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: There should never be a place where there's an argument with a child because I am a parent, I am not a peer, and parent-child relationships should not look like me arguing with a child.
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: It should never come to that.
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: I should always be the bigger person.
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: There should always be the bigger person.
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: There should always be steps in place that there are stopgates that don't allow us to get to that point that we're arguing because I am a parent.
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: They are a child and our relationship to each other is very different, and so I always have to be the parent I don't ever get the excuse of well, I'm going to act like a child today because they're acting like a child and they're pushing my buttons, and so, again, all of these things, when we have those predetermined destinations, they allow us to lead and to respond and to act in a way with an end goal in mind.
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: So let's jump to the four different stages.
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: Let's break those down and talk about each one of them.
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: The first one is the discipline stage, and this is that stage, from zero to five.
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: This is when we're teaching kids that their actions have consequences, both good and bad.
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: We're teaching obedience for just pure sake of safety.
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: We're taking repetition on this, because a lot of things we have to say over and over and over how many times, as a parent, have you said, if I have to tell you one more time?
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: But the reality is, this is a training exercise and there is repetition needed.
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: And then there's appropriate consequences when behaviors are not modified, and this is a stage I mean you can think of all of the examples, especially with not little little kids, but as you start to have toddlers and you say no, and they kind of look at you side-eyed and they go to touch the thing and then they're wondering what's going to happen.
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: And this is an interesting stage because a lot of times at this stage I learned this specifically from our middle daughter.
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: She was funny.
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: She still is super funny, but she was funny.
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: She could get people laughing.
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: She had a little bit of sass about her and because of that, a lot of times when there probably should have been discipline, there was a lot of laughter.
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: And I remember saying to my husband at one point like this is really funny because she's three, but if we keep laughing when she's seven or eight, this is it's not going to be funny, because there is a stage where bad behavior with a little kid you can laugh and you can chuckle and the way that they behave literally does bring you to laugh.
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: It's why some of the reels of kids being absolutely hilarious but also probably not totally in line with what you would want for the end goal gets millions of views because it's funny and we laugh.
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: But there is a time where it is no longer funny and if we haven't done the job to correct those things and to implement those guardrails when they're little.
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: We'll see within this process of these four stages how it becomes very, very hard to do that out of order.
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: Someone will discipline your kids.
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: It can be you or it can be their teachers, it can be their coaches, their principal or their boss.
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: And I don't know about you, but I can a thousand percent say that I would much rather be the one disciplining my kids than constantly getting calls from teachers, constantly getting calls from coaches or a principal or them not figuring it out through their childhood, and then it being bosses who are putting them on all kinds of different protocols for bad behavior or for poor choices.
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: So someone is going to discipline our children or our young adults.
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: It can be us or it can be somebody else.
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: And so just a really good reminder that we want to be the ones that are doing this foundational work so that these things that seem little right now, unattended, to become very, very big things as we grow up.
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: The next stage then, the second stage, is training, and this is the stage from 5 to 12 years old.
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: This is where we're starting to explain the why behind the rules and regulations.
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: We're training them.
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: While we're explaining, we're talking about it and our goal is to help our kids really gain the skills and the values they need to succeed.
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: And it happens through practice and redo, just like discipline.
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: It's not a one time.
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: You don't get to have a conversation one time in training.
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: This is something that happens over and over and over.
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: I think about it compared to exercise when you have a personal trainer, anybody that would say I went to the personal trainer once and then I just did it on my own.
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: You would say, well, that would say I went to the personal trainer once and then I just did it on my own.
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: You would say, well, that's crazy.
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: There's no way that you can figure out correct form and just the processes that go into weightlifting or working out in a gym in a way that's healthy and good for your body.
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: You can't do that in a session.
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: You'd have a hard time doing that in a month's worth of sessions.
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: You need this repetition over and over and over, a lot of times, retraining and explaining.
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: This is why we do it this way.
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: This is why, when you do it that way, it's actually going to do more harm than good.
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: Tweak this change that.
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: Let me show you this.
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: It's this over and over practice and reduce, let's try it again.
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: On my parenting, I will say again I feel like my youngest gets picked on because he's really the only one that we're really in the throes of these stages still with.
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: The others have gone on to be adults and so there's a little bit less of this stuff happening.
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: But with my son I'll say, hey, let's try that again.
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: The way you just spoke to me, that was super disrespectful.
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: I don't know if you meant it to be disrespectful, but it was so.
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: Why don't you try saying that whole thing back to me in a way that's not disrespectful?
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: Or walking in to him after I've given him a task that he needs to do and saying, hey, bud, looks awesome, but I think you missed a couple things that either you chose not to pay attention to that you know needed to get done or you legitimately missed them.
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: But I know that if you took five minutes and you go, look at the list that I gave you, you will be able to figure it out.
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: If you don't come back to me and we'll walk through it together.
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: Like, go back and look, let's try this, let's redo, let's practice, let's do it over and over and over again, because this is a training ground.
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: Now then the next stage is coaching.
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: Coaching is going to go from 12 to 18.
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: And this is where we're moving away from codependency.
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: And this is where we're moving away from codependency.
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: We're starting to develop independence apart from each other.
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: They're learning I'm learning how to let go.
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: We start to really be able to enjoy each other.
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: Now I need to say there, I have enjoyed my kids at all of the stages, but there is something really beautiful.
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: If you're listening and you have all younger kids, there is something precious that happens in that middle school, junior high, high school time where the dynamics of your relationship really do change and, instead of it being all that training and discipline, there is a beautiful shift in that relationship where you start to be able to have adult-like conversations with these humans that you're still raising, that are still figuring out life.
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: That is just so fun and you really do get to enjoy your relationship in a different way than you enjoyed it in those earlier stages.
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: This is super thoughtful and careful.
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: Stepping to take steps back from that training and focus more on connection than correction Does not mean that correction stops, because there is a ton of correction that still has to happen in this stage, but it's that stepping back from the overbearing and the constant telling what to do, and it's like a coach, mainly on those sidelines.
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: You're mainly encouraging, you're mainly shouting out the main things, the big plays, but then you're letting your kids kind of figure it out on the court.
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: You're letting them make some mistakes, you're letting them have some oh shoot, I should have done that different.
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: And figuring it out.
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: It's practical things like letting your kid send the email that needs to be sent to the teacher, or come with you to the teacher meeting so that they can also learn how to communicate, and you're not doing everything for them.
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: It's coaching them through.
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: How do I make that phone call, how do I have that call with the college coach, or how do I schedule that doctor's appointment and how do I keep a budget.
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: It's all of these things that we are really working to coach them through.
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: I wanted to share with you something that a friend just posted on Facebook today.
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: It was a screenshot from a mainstream news channel.
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: It was a poll of 800 employers through and it's called the intelligentcom survey.
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: This was done in December of 2023.
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: And it says it's titled.
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: During job interviews, employers say recent college grads have dot dot dot.
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: And here's the categories Struggled with eye contact, 53% Asked for unreasonable compensation.
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: 50% Dressed inappropriately.
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: 47% Used inappropriate language.
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: 27% Refused to turn on a camera during a virtual interview.
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: 21% Br brought a parent to their interview 19 percent.
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: Now we could go ahead and say oh, kids these days.
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: We would read that and say well, of course, kids these days.
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: I read that and I say parents these days.
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: That is a complete reflection on parenting where and I fall guilty into this in some of these categories where I didn't do my job, and I mean the one of bringing up, 19% of college graduates brought their parent to a job interview like that.
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: That blows my mind and I say that is a parent problem, that is not a college graduate problem.
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: And some might argue with me.
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: But our kids didn't just get there.
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: This generation just didn't grow up and decide this is just how we're going to do it.
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: These are things that somehow, somewhere, we as parents have stopped taking time to step back in the appropriate steps when our kids are in that 12 to 18.
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: Obviously, there's a huge jump between 12 and 18 and what development looks like in that time frame.
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: But if I am not taking massive steps back from doing the things that those statistics show parents are not doing, that is on me.
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: That's on me as a parent and my kid.
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: They're going to figure it out and they're going to learn.
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: They're not going to get the job.
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: They're going to have to work a lot harder to find an employer.
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: Who's going to accept somebody with those behaviors?
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: And ultimately, some of that falls straight on me.
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: Maybe not 100 percent%, but I would put the majority of that responsibility on a parent, because that means at some point there wasn't the discipline, the training and the coaching to equip that child to leave home at 18.
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: And no, this is how you show up, this is how you look at somebody in the eyes, this is how you dress appropriately for a job interview.
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: These are things that have to be trained and coached.
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: Or how in the world do we expect our children to know how to do those things in the real world?
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: And so it's, like I said, like a coach, you're mainly just on the sidelines and you're encouraging, and, as I have given my girls and probably later into the process than I should have, in full transparency.
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: I should have probably started doing more of this at the 15 and 16.
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: They were able to do a lot of it, but some of the things like calling the doctors, helping get involved with the you go, talk to the teacher and if after that, then we'll coach through what happens next and maybe eventually I have to show up with you, but really releasing a lot of that into their hands so that they can fail forward in my home when they have me to coach them through it, as opposed to having to figure that out or need me to go to a job interview with them, which would never in a million years do.
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: So that is I put that again 100% on the parents.
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: But these are important things that we have to do for our kids in this last stage, and so much of what's talked about in this book is when we don't follow these stages.
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: You can see the building blocks, a perfect architecture here.
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: The biggest block on the bottom is the discipline, and then the next one is a little bit smaller and it's the training, and then it's a little bit smaller and it's the coaching, and then the top block of the last stage, which is friendship, which we'll talk about in a minute.
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: That's a strong tower, but what we are seeing more and more is that people are doing it backwards and they're starting this with I want to be best friends with my five-year-old, and so they're starting this with the smallest block on the bottom and then they're trying to coach and then, all of a sudden, they're realizing my kid's out of control.
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: They don't listen, they have bad behavior.
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: So now I need to start disciplining.
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: But my kid is 14 years old and it is far more difficult to discipline and try to teach new habits and behaviors to a 14 year old who's never been disciplined than it is to teach it to a four year old and to have that foundation.
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: Train up a child in the way he should go.
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: This is biblical.
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: This isn't just random stuff that's been thrown into a book.
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: There's a lot of biblical principles in this, in training up children in the way that they should go, and we have to start there before we decide they're going to be my bestie, we're going to just have all of our cute little Instagram photos and we're always going to be together and we have this equal relationship as opposed to I am a parent and you are a child, and it doesn't mean that it can't be done loving it doesn't mean that it can't be done with relationship, but when we try to flip it it goes really bad, and so real quick.
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: To wrap up this coaching stage, three key points that they talk about that should be kind of at the center of how we orchestrate our decision making and functioning in this stage.
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: Number one is cultivate constant conversation.
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: This is when, as a coach, there needs to be constant conversation, and dialogue is what allows you to the inside world of what your kid is dealing with.
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: And so when I'm sitting in the car with my kid, part of the training stage is put your phone away because we're together, so we're going to be having conversation.
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: Conversation leads to little openings of what's going on in their heart.
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: I have said it many times on the podcast that I feel, specifically with teenagers, that you will get so much farther when you are shoulder to shoulder in conversation over eyeball to eyeball.
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: There is something very intimidating about looking eye to eye with somebody when you're having hard conversations or when you're on that teetering of like.
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: I really want to talk about this, but I feel insecure, I feel unsure as a parent.
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: Make sure that you have a lot of shoulder to shoulder time in the car, out doing activities, walking the golf course, taking a walk all of these different places where you can just have that freedom.
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: Of course, there's going to be times where we have to sit down eye to eye.
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: That's how we start getting our kids prepared for those things, like the interviews, where you're going to have eye to eye conversation, but in the day to day, there is power in shoulder to shoulder.
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: Another thing I just heard that I absolutely loved about conversation and I think this plays really well into this is there are going to be conversations that we need to have with our kids, specifically in this day and age.
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: Just, there's craziness happening and there's conversations that need to happen and instead of avoiding them because they're awkward, this mom that I was listening to on another podcast said we've just taken the approach of sometimes we have to have a SWAT team conversation, and she said a SWAT team conversation looks like this there's a really uncomfortable conversation we need to have.
• 35:24
  Speaker 1: I'm going to look at my child and I'm going to say, hey, we need to have this conversation about fill in the blank, whatever it is.
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: That's really awkward, but we're going to do it in SWAT team form.
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: I'm going to come in with the conversation.
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: We have 90 seconds.
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: You can set the timer if you want.
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: I'm going to tell you everything I need to tell you in those 90 seconds and even if I'm not done, even if I'm not done at 90 seconds, the conversation is over.
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: She said it just allows my kids to know.
• 35:49
  Speaker 1: Okay, there are going to be some uncomfortable things that we have to talk about, whether with mom or with dad, and it's not going to be an hour, it's not going to be 30 minutes of back and forth and a ton of emotion and heartache and awkwardness.
• 36:02
  Speaker 1: And I thought that was so great.
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: There are conversations and I'm sure all parents of teenagers can think about some like, okay, we're going to SWAT team this one.
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: And then also what we've talked about so much here, that importance of listening without freaking out.
• 36:14
  Speaker 1: You might be absolutely freaking out internally when you are having some of these conversations with your kids, when they're teenagers and so many things are welling up in you.
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: Maybe you know your own fears, your own insecurities, your own pride, but to just be able to calmly listen without freaking out, because the moment that your kids start to open up to you or you start to have hard conversations and your immediate response is to freak out.
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: You have shut down that ability for cultivating constant conversation.
• 36:44
  Speaker 1: It will go silent, kids will not talk to you, and so that's the first point in coaching.
• 36:48
  Speaker 1: That's really important.
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: The second one is don't bail, let them fail.
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: And this is hard, and I think this is a lot of where we've gotten ourselves into kind of a generation that doesn't know how to handle stuff because mom and dad have come in and handled everything for our kids.
• 37:02
  Speaker 1: We bail them out over and over and over, and sometimes failure is how we learn.
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: I learned so many of my greatest lessons when I failed, when I struggled.
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: And so don't bail, let them fail.
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: Obviously, there's an exception to every rule.
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: There's going to be times where there's honest mistakes and there is a time and a place to say hey, I understand, I'm going to step in here and help you to carry some of your burden, but on the regular basis, don't bail, let them fail.
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: Get interested in what interests them is the last one, and again we've talked a lot about this.
• 37:36
  Speaker 1: If you want to be able to coach your child effectively, if you want to be able to build relationship.
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: If you want to be able to be with them and to have that relationship, you are going to have to get interested in what interests them.
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: So it's why I walk the golf course miles and miles and miles a season, it's why I sit at the driving range, it's why I've sat in gym after gym after gym at basketball practice, it's why I go to the thrift stores and the coffee shops, because these are the things that my children love to do, and so that is what I need to take interest in, so that I can build that relationship, so that there are opportunities to coach and it's not me just coming down on them super hard.
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: And so, when you think about coaching, who does your child perform better for?
• 38:19
  Speaker 1: Do they perform better for a coach who constantly invests in them and they celebrate and they encourage and they challenge them with conversation and they pull good information out of them and they push them out of their comfort zone?
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: Or do they really excel for that coach who's nasty and attacks and is always overcoaching and analyzing every move and always pointing out what they're doing wrong?
• 38:39
  Speaker 1: We, we parent in one of those two ways in this stage, and either we're that coach that you say, man, I wish my kid could have a coach like that coach, because that one you know I think of a specific track coach in our community that just he invests in, in the students in a way that I've never really seen my daughter's coach at college.
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: She invests in those girls and those students like I've never seen and it's invested in their life and because of that investment, there is a respect and a desire and a trust to trust what the coach is saying.
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: Ultimately, I want my kids to trust what I'm saying as the coach, because they have proof that ultimately, I care about them and even if they don't understand, even if the plays I'm calling they're like I don't know if I would call that play here, they say but I trust the coach and she's invested in me and he's invested in me and they celebrate me and they show up for me.
• 39:32
  Speaker 1: Think about which coach are you showing up as for your kids.
• 39:33
  Speaker 1: Think about which coach are you showing up as for your kids.
• 39:36
  Speaker 1: And then the last stage is 18 and beyond, and that is just the friendship stage and it's the stage where we hopefully, ultimately, if we have really parented with this harvest in mind, we get to reap that harvest of the seeds that we've sown in them, those last three stages.
• 39:51
  Speaker 1: We get to be at a place where we just really enjoy each other's company and we don't have to be together but we choose to.
• 39:58
  Speaker 1: They choose to come be with us, we choose to go be with them and there's laughter and there's joy and just that environment.
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: We're starting to get to see that and experience that goodness and the grace of God.
• 40:10
  Speaker 1: When that happens, when you get to be in community with your adult children and they say, yeah, I would rather come spend the summer with you at the lake, where I don't want to be with you or I can't wait to get out I couldn't have gotten out any sooner, I'm never coming back home Just the beauty of being able to reap some of that harvest, of pouring into relationship.
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: One thing that I'm really learning as my children are growing is that the power of our words and I didn't know this enough.
• 40:38
  Speaker 1: I mean, I've always known that there's power in words.
• 40:40
  Speaker 1: But again, life experience I could tell you that I parent very, very different today, having parented for 22 years, than I did five years, 10 years, 15, 20 years ago.
• 40:51
  Speaker 1: We evolve as parents because we have our own life experiences that happen.
• 40:56
  Speaker 1: When I start, I have a very limited view of what parenting looks like, and the more I get to do it and the more years and the more stages I've parented through, I change and I adjust.
• 41:06
  Speaker 1: I actually had one mom that I interviewed that said I'm so afraid to come and talk on the podcast because if this information is in like the podcast vault for years and it never goes away, she's like what if so much of what I say is irrelevant in 10 years?
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: And of course we always risk that.
• 41:22
  Speaker 1: But the only time I think we really risk that is when we're talking about dials of parenting, not the integrity things, not the cultivating character and building relationship.
• 41:31
  Speaker 1: Those things are never going to change.
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: None of that is going to change.
• 41:33
  Speaker 1: But our own wisdom, our own life experiences, our own hurts are going to change how we parent.
• 41:39
  Speaker 1: I didn't understand the way I do now.
• 41:42
  Speaker 1: Just the weight of words and two things that they talk about in the book.
• 41:46
  Speaker 1: When we talk about words is that source determines the weight and what they mean by that.
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: Is that number one.
• 41:53
  Speaker 1: Not all words are equal.
• 41:55
  Speaker 1: Is that number one.
• 41:59
  Speaker 1: Not all words are equal.
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: Negative words always carry more weight than positive words and also the source of who is speaking the words carries different weight.
• 42:05
  Speaker 1: So what I say to my children carries a different weight than a friend on the playground or a college roommate.
• 42:14
  Speaker 1: My words have more weight, they sink into the soul different.
• 42:18
  Speaker 1: So when I say negative, harmful, hurtful things, they naturally are going to cause more damage because source determines weight and that source of being close to me and being the mom or being the dad, it cuts deeper.
• 42:34
  Speaker 1: Negative things, those things carry more weight and in my own life you can have a hundred people say amazing, amazing, amazing.
• 42:42
  Speaker 1: And that one person says something negative and all day you focus on that one person that said negative because negative words carry more weight.
• 42:51
  Speaker 1: And so just a good reminder as well, as we're navigating through this summer not just this summer but forever as parents, but specifically tuning into this summer.
• 42:59
  Speaker 1: How am I using my words?
• 43:00
  Speaker 1: It's just important questions that I think we need to ask ourselves over and over.
• 43:04
  Speaker 1: Some just basic questions that if you wanted to sit down again, if you're a single parent, and jot this stuff down, or maybe you have a mentor or a parent that you could talk through some of this with just to have some dialogue, or you're a married couple and you're parenting, no matter what stage you're at.
• 43:20
  Speaker 1: Here's just a couple of questions and I'll put these in the notes as well.
• 43:23
  Speaker 1: But number one do I know what the north star is for our parenting goal?
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: Do we really know what the it is that we're moving toward?
• 43:32
  Speaker 1: Number two is in what areas of parenting do I wish that I was more god honoring?
• 43:36
  Speaker 1: What is it in me that, when I think about all these things and some of the stuff that we're going to talk about over the summer and I think I know for sure that one thing, maybe it's my anger, maybe it's that I don't use my words well and I do say a lot of really negative things and they carry a heavy weight for my kids.
• 43:52
  Speaker 1: Maybe it's something like that, maybe it's I'm distracted, I am always distracted, and I never just invest, I never look eye to eye, I'm not coaching, I'm not disciplining.
• 44:01
  Speaker 1: What is an area of your parenting that you wish you were more God honoring?
• 44:05
  Speaker 1: And then, looking ahead to the friendship years, is there anything that I need to change now to have a relationship where my kids would choose to invest even when they don't have to.
• 44:18
  Speaker 1: So, looking at how I'm handling things today, am I doing things in a way that if I could hit a fast forward button and say, if I keep doing this for the next 10 years, do I think what I'm doing will result in my children choosing to come back and invest in relationship with me?
• 44:32
  Speaker 1: Will they be excited to come home at the holidays or will they literally dread like, oh my gosh, I have to go home, I just have to survive.
• 44:39
  Speaker 1: What are the things that I'm doing now, and how is that going to look 10, 15 years down the road if I keep doing it, and do I need to make any changes?
• 44:48
  Speaker 1: And then, ultimately, I think it's important that we talk about that we're never going to be a perfect parent and we can joke all we want about I'm saving for my kid's therapy fund and that's all true and well, because there is no such thing as a perfect parent, and I'm learning to parent in the same time that they're learning to be children.
• 45:06
  Speaker 1: We don't get a practice run on this, unfortunately.
• 45:09
  Speaker 1: Our first child is our experiment and the next child probably gets a little bit more refined parent, and then the next gets a little bit more refined, and that's just the way it goes, and it's the reality of having to learn this, and so I think there's also a really important place to kind of end in saying we're never going to be perfect, we are never going to get it all right.
• 45:30
  Speaker 1: There are going to be things that we do that we wish we could do different.
• 45:35
  Speaker 1: We talk about that mom guilt quilt that we pull up at night and we just tuck ourselves in right up to our chin of that mom guilt of coulda shoulda woulda, and instead of staying there, I want us to focus on what are small things that I can do to start changing the needle so that the things that I have regret over are fewer and far between.
• 45:55
  Speaker 1: What are the things that I have control of?
• 45:57
  Speaker 1: What are the things that I'm not doing well?
• 45:59
  Speaker 1: Sometimes we're not doing well because we don't have the skills, because we didn't have it modeled for us in our own lives, and if that's you, then you need to go get mentors, you need to find women and men that will come alongside you and you can say, hey, I didn't have a parent to walk through life with, or it was done wrong and I'm trying to do everything opposite from what my parents did, and so, instead of any discipline, I'm going totally to friendship, and it's not working.
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: And there's all this chaos or maybe it's I mean, it could be so many different things abuse, and so you just you have a hard time with any discipline because of how your childhood was.
• 46:31
  Speaker 1: These are all real and they, they, carry weight into how we show up as parents, and next week we're going to be talking with a therapist who talks so much to us about just handling guilt and shame and parenting and how we show up, and so I just want to remind you again, like I said in the beginning, god's goodness is always going to be bigger and greater than your wrongness and I don't think wrongness is even a word, but I just want us to remember that he can redeem anything and that he is the one that is going to be everything that your children need.
• 47:06
  Speaker 1: We are going to fall short.
• 47:08
  Speaker 1: Please, lord, help me.
• 47:09
  Speaker 1: Show up every day in a way that honors you and that benefits my children and doesn't harm them.
• 47:14
  Speaker 1: That should be our heart's cry over and over.
• 47:17
  Speaker 1: But in the places that I am going to fall short, in the places that I am going to mess up in the places where there is going to be pain and restoration, and restoring that needs to be done.
• 47:27
  Speaker 1: Lord, just let me move through those and not let them be habits.
• 47:33
  Speaker 1: Another quote I heard this week that was so good was when it happens the first time, it's a mistake.
• 47:38
  Speaker 1: When it happens the second time it's a choice.
• 47:41
  Speaker 1: And I think a lot of the things that cause harm and cause hurt in parenting is when things no longer are mistakes but they're choices.
• 47:49
  Speaker 1: The way we don't control our temper, the way we don't control our words, the impatience, the distraction first time is a mistake and we can recognize it and we can ask forgiveness for it.
• 47:59
  Speaker 1: The second time it's a choice and we still can ask forgiveness.
• 48:03
  Speaker 1: But I don't know about you, but when my kid has to say they're sorry for the same thing over and, over and over again, I start to not really take the weight of that apology as a true apology, because true remorse, true repentance has changed behavior, and so I just want to encourage you that if you're feeling guilty and you're feeling heavy laden by a lot of things that you wish you had done different, just remember that God's goodness will trump all of your wrong doings as a parent and that you starting to make those changes today, me starting to make those changes today to get healthier, to show up as a parent who emulates the fruits of the spirit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness.
• 48:42
  Speaker 1: A parent who's not leaning on my own understanding but trusting in the plan that God has for my kids and for their future, knowing that he sees the entire landscape of their future, not just these first 18 years, not just in the toddler stage, in the times of exhaustion, in the rebellion of junior high and the bad decisions of high school and maybe the wayward child as an adult, that he sees beyond that.
• 49:06
  Speaker 1: He sees the entire picture and we can trust him for that.
• 49:09
  Speaker 1: Because even when we show up well, there is no guarantee that our kids aren't going to make poor choices and we have to ultimately release that control to God.
• 49:20
  Speaker 1: I know that you have a plan for them.
• 49:22
  Speaker 1: I'm going to show up the best of my ability.
• 49:24
  Speaker 1: I'm going to get better, I'm going to lead into your word, I'm going to do the work I need to do so I can show up well, but then I'm going to trust you, I'm going to lean on your understanding and I'm going to just trust that these little kids become people that are world changers, that they have integrity and they have character, and that they can look at a boss in the eye and they can show up in a way that's honoring, that shows hard work and discipline, and that these will be the generation of children that change the world, that make it better, that undo a lot of the mess that we're in right now.
• 49:54
  Speaker 1: But it's going to be because of him, not just because of our parenting, and that is comfort for me that, yes, I need to show up, I need to do the best, but ultimately I'm handing it off to him and saying your goodness is going to get my kids through, your goodness is going to sustain them in all the ways that I failed and your goodness is going to be what they will see in the fruit of their life.
• 50:17
  Speaker 1: So, friends, I am so excited to dive into this series with you.
• 50:21
  Speaker 1: There is so much richness around the corner and I am excited just to have this journey with you through the summer.
• 50:27
  Speaker 1: So enjoy this special time of carved out, just special time with your kiddos.
• 50:33
  Speaker 1: Enjoy it, lean into it and really savor this season this summer.
• 50:38
  Speaker 1: If you are listening to this and you feel like you might have a community that would love to be a part of this with us this summer.
• 50:44
  Speaker 1: I hope that you would share this podcast, whether that be on your social channels or just texting a direct link where others can follow and listen through the summer.
• 50:51
  Speaker 1: I know that so much goodness is going to come through the airways.
• 50:55
  Speaker 1: I so appreciate you guys being here.
• 50:57
  Speaker 1: Most importantly, what I really want and my heart's desire for this podcast way beyond views, ratings, all of those things is just for the words that are spoken on this podcast, whether it's from me or our guests, that it would get into the homes of the ones it's supposed to.
• 51:14
  Speaker 1: That it would fall on the ears of the parents that need it.
• 51:16
  Speaker 1: I know that so many times I have walked away from a podcast and just been so blessed by something that I heard maybe one line, maybe an entire concept, maybe just encouragement for my weary soul and that is ultimately what we want here at A Heart that Beats for Home is that this would be heard and would bless those that need to hear it in the moment that they hear it, and so if this is something that you feel is gonna be beneficial for you this summer and there's others that you think would benefit from being on this journey with us.
• 51:44
  Speaker 1: I would so appreciate you sharing it out to the world.
• 51:48
  Speaker 1: So until next week, friends, happy summer and take care.