Latest / Harder Than Life / 26: You Are Not Your Mistakes w/ Kristen Cullen

Transcript

26: You Are Not Your Mistakes w/ Kristen Cullen · Harder Than Life

• 0:00
  I'm Kelly Siegel and this is harder than life a podcast about self-love self-awareness business and health We tell outrageous stories and boil everything down to simple practical advice. You can start using today. Let's get living
• 0:15
  Welcome back to the Heart and Life podcast where I have the real life Wonder Woman live and in studio. I say that to be funny, but over the last year, Kristen Cullen and I have grown extremely close and have tested and pushed each other's beliefs to the brink. Her remarkable resilience program is life-changing. We're going to discuss her branding strategy in detail today. But first, let me turn things over to the bold, kind, articulate, generous, brilliant, beautiful soul who is an outstanding mother and even better friend. Welcome to the show.
• 0:44
  Thank you for having me. Kristen, I love you dearly. You know that. I want to get deep today. Hold nothing back. What is your story and why does your story matter?
• 0:54
  Grew up in Canada, hospitality industry, had a larger-than-life father mentor, taught me everything I know. And behind the scenes, he was also a very verbally and physically abusive parent. But oddly, I never didn't feel loved. It was an interesting dichotomy. Yeah.
• 1:17
  Parents were married 51 years, lost into cancer in 2015. And it was, you know, you never get over the loss of anyone close to you. You just learn a new normal. And that came on the heels of becoming a widow a couple years before that. So cancer is very prevalent in our lives. And a lot of loss to cancer has taken place in our lives. Yeah.
• 1:47
  And in fact, I've become a very involved advocate in the cancer world, co-founded the GI immunotherapy program with the intent of helping my husband at the time survive his cancer. And unfortunately, he succumbed in May of 2011. So,
• 2:06
  So I was a widow at 40 with three kids, 15, 12, and seven. And I had to figure it out. I had to totally reinvent. Lost his income. He had minimal life insurance. I had taken a leave from the real estate firm I was with to be his caregiver. And it was at the height of the real estate recession. So they were belly up.
• 2:27
  And what I knew was I needed to be a full-time parent. And so how could I do that and make a living and support my family and do all the things? And so I started doing branding. People were taking early buyouts in the automotive industry in the Detroit metro area and did not know how to promote themselves or market themselves. So it was really just word of mouth. It gave me the flexibility. Yeah.
• 2:53
  to, again, be a full-time mom, show up to all the games. You know, I look back, and I was talking with my sons not too long ago who are now 27, 25, and now my daughter's 19 in college. And I said, I don't even know how we did it. You know, it was like we had seven sports, three kids, no one drove yet. And I had to learn to ask for help, which I was never good at at the time. So loss humbles you in a lot of ways.
• 3:21
  And it taught me how incredible resilient I am. And so moving forward, I did, you know, personal branding. I brand people. I brand people who are in business for themselves. A lot of time it's, you know, authors, speakers, coaches. It's morphed into many different spaces. No different than, you know, branding Nike, for example, a business brand.
• 3:47
  Uh, and you know, you know, that if you hear just do it, you know, it's Nike, it's really effective. And so the story component, when you're asking me my story, the foundation of anyone's personal brand is their story, their personal story. You know, your book harder than life is your story.
• 4:03
  And it's what helps you connect with people. That's how we build trust and connection. And now I have a really successful business. The Remarkable Resilience Program was created because I identified a need. I could...
• 4:23
  Brand a billionaire. But a lot of times they'll do these two-day deep dives. And I would find myself day one, like, just trying to crack the nut. And I felt like there was a resistance. And a lot of times the backstory, you know, I'm just bewildered by the number of people who are incredibly successful in the business world. But in their personal life, it's...
• 4:47
  I got to stop you because you're stealing my next question, but hold on. If you haven't already, be certain to follow Kristen on her socials. They are in the show notes. She is truly remarkable, pun intended. You can also go to KristenCullen.com forward slash free call to learn more about her remarkable resilient program. You are a certified personal business coach, a resilient mentor, and a brand strategist. Kristen has...
• 5:12
  a specialty in helping individuals, entrepreneurs, and startups uncover their strengths, cultivate their brand identity, and excel in their own success journey. You're dedicated to helping individuals and business increase their revenue while they make a positive difference in the world. Having said all of that,
• 5:29
  All of our conversations turn to personal growth. Basically, just being a better you. Explain the correlation, which you were just doing. So having said that, every time you get in to start branding people, which is, you can use me as an example. If you were to try to brand me five years ago, I was a frickin' trade wreck. It would have been like, well, what kind of alcohol are we promoting?
• 5:51
  If you would have met me then, then you would have had to work on some, why do I drink? So go there because that's what makes you fatter. Well, I did know you then. Yes. I just didn't know the Sober Kelly. You're a very different person then. We weren't connecting at that time. So here's what I realized.
• 6:09
  There's this, I, and it has bewildered me. There are this, these incredibly successful people. They're killing it in the business world. You know, they're following their passion. They're doing what they were meant to do. They've got all this money in the bank, all the things, but the foundation of a personal brand is your story. And if you're not willing to be vulnerable enough to share transparently your story, you're,
• 6:36
  It's very difficult for me to serve those clients because if I feel resistance in owning their greatness, people aren't good at owning their greatness. It's a learned way of being. We are conditioned to suppress how awesome we are.
• 6:53
  You know, I write people's bios for them. You can't write your own bio because we have a hard time promoting ourselves. So the more I know my client intimately, the better I can serve them and brand them and put them out into the world. So I created the Remarkable Resilience Program, Identifying a Need.
• 7:14
  You know, negative self-talk. We talk about this all the time, you and I, and, you know, the self-doubt component and being stuck. And through that journey, through that program, so a lot of times people now will retain me for a hybrid program between the two where we start with Remarkable Resilience.
• 7:30
  which is a nine chapter program. And we really work through the stuff that stops them, you know, in personal branding, you know, you've heard over the years, what, like, for example, LinkedIn is a business platform, Facebook and Instagram are, you know, personal platforms and whatnot. And,
• 7:50
  But in the world of personal branding, you are the same person no matter what space you touch. And so really owning that. So this remarkable resilience program, when I created it again, it was out of a need. But the fact that it took off the way that it did...
• 8:10
  It was a double-edged sword for me. It made me really sad for, you know, like just realizing how hurt people are and how damaged they are. And, and, and again, you know, we're a culmination of our examples of our parents or our upbringing, our experiences with them. And this is not to blame our parents.
• 8:31
  they did the best they could with what they had and with what they learned. And it's, you know, up to us to break certain negative cycles and things like that. So, for example, going back to my own story, I made a really profound decision when I was a teenager that I was never going to hit my children.
• 8:49
  And the humiliation component of being beaten by a parent is, it's very difficult to explain and you feel shame. And I actually thought that was normal until one day I realized it wasn't when a friend was, you know, asking me, you know, what are you doing? And I said, oh, I'm just putting some cold compresses on my bottom. I got strapped last night. And she said, what are you talking about? And it was like, that was an aha moment for me. Like, oh, wait, that's not normal.
• 9:16
  And it wasn't there. There was no anger, but I created a boundary literally at 14 years of age saying, you're never going to touch me again. And he never did. I mean, he grounded me from the light of day for the rest of my teenage years, but he just probably deserved it. Yeah, of course I did. Well, because I was always pushing the envelope. It was, I was the Y kid, you know, and he was very strict. He was extremely strict. The,
• 9:39
  You know, having these three kids as a single mom, and I've been very fortunate to have these amazing kids, but they're normal. And I always said to them, I'm going to give you a lot of freedom because I never had it. But if you ever lie to me, I'm never going to give you a reason to lie to me. When you grow up in an environment like I did, you learn to lie to get what you want. And it's a really, really unhealthy cycle because then you find yourself lying about everything for no reason.
• 10:06
  And it's, you don't live in authenticity. And it's a coping mechanism. It's a learning mechanism. And I had to unlearn that behavior. So I started doing a lot of introspective work. I started when I was 19. My mother was clinically depressed. We couldn't get her out of bed. My father said, I need you to help me get your mom out of bed.
• 10:26
  She was on Prozac. That was the drug of choice at the time. And I threw them in the toilet and I said, let's go. How do I get you out of bed? And she just said, well, you know, there's this program out of California and, but I don't want to do it alone. I said, fine, let's do it. And it was called the forum. And the forum is from a group called landmark education. Um, and, uh,
• 10:47
  I went to support my mom, but it's impossible not to get your own truth out of that experience. It was a three-day intensive. And three years later, I met my husband through that work. His brother was my forum leader. And there's, you know, my current boyfriend, Brian, will say I have a life hack.
• 11:08
  I did a lot of introspective work before I became a wife, before I became a mother. And I believe in self-improvement work constantly. I'm always looking for ways. I'm reading constantly, just like you are. We're always sending each other books.
• 11:24
  The gift I was given by doing that work early, really out of my empathy for my mother, was I got my life very early on. I learned to forgive my dad and accept him for exactly who he was. You know, I'm really big on forgiveness. It's not about you. It's about me. If I forgive you,
• 11:44
  then it releases me from holding on to any anger or resentment towards anyone else. I can't carry the toxicity within me. I just can't do it. Now, if someone wrongs me and I forgive them, it doesn't mean I necessarily go back to the fire. It depends on the circumstances. But if someone wrongs someone I love, it's a little different, right? I'm mama bear.
• 12:08
  There's so much there. So I'm going to deviate from the questions for a second and go back to what do you find in these CEOs or these people that you work with, your clients? What is the, is there a correlation? I don't want to say correlation. Is there a commonality of where they run into, where you run into resistance? Yeah, absolutely. I would say the biggest component of the breakdown is just a total lack of self-worth.
• 12:38
  in their talent. So they, you know, put all of their energy into being the best at whatever that is out in the world. But when they go home and look in the mirror, they don't believe that. They don't believe that about themselves. I mean, the number I've actually had clients ask me to put together a relationship program. So I'm launching the remarkable resilience relationships program. And the reason why I'm doing that is because, you know,
• 13:04
  It's very difficult to know how to be with someone else unless you know how to be with yourself first. And, you know, I've again had this conversation. Never. You've never had this conversation. You've got to love yourself. How can you love somebody else fully and authentically if you don't love yourself? Because you don't believe you deserve it, right? You don't believe you're worthy of it. So I would definitely say self-worth is like number one. Wow.
• 13:30
  Or lack of self-worth, I should really say. I wrote this yesterday when we were having conversations. It's hard to find love if you don't love your life. And I thought that was the same thing you're saying. I just, yeah, it was, I remember, it must have been maybe six, nine months ago, I text you, I did an audio interview.
• 13:54
  I woke up one morning, I was getting ready to, you know, move my daughter 2,300 miles away to college. I never really owned that I'm a really good parent. Because everyone would always say, your kids are so amazing. And they would give me credit. And I'd always say, no, it was them. They're amazing people.
• 14:14
  But Taryn was only seven when I became a single parent. And so, in fact, unfortunately, she doesn't really remember much about her father, which breaks my heart. And she's pretty awesome. And I'll own that. I'll own...
• 14:29
  the influence I had over her and you know she calls me and facetimes me every day and she just thanks me she's like thank you for being the example to be courageous the way that I am you know and you know at 19 she's like I didn't know we had so much in common mom like it's this amazing level of
• 14:45
  Wait, is that when it happens? Because at 14, my daughter Ariana wants to murder me with all of the personal development she gets. She's like, I get it, Dad. I got it. So at 19, they come back to me? Yeah. You know what? Listen, 13 to 15, I never, ever, ever, I didn't like it when I was going through it. And even though boys are very different, they're less emotional than girls, they're still 13 to 14. Yeah.
• 15:12
  uh, girls are a whole different level. They're way smarter and much more emotional. True. And, uh, you know, the only way that I was able to, and she, I ha I have to say, and Taryn was a lot like Ari in the sense that she's really no nonsense. You know, she's a straight shooter. She's an old soul, just like your Ari. And, um, so that was a gift. Um,
• 15:34
  to have during those years because she wasn't this overwhelming, emotional, you know, drama girl. Thank God. But there were times that she just was so miserable and it was so not her because she's such a genuinely joyful kid. And I would just stop. I would just stop the car. I'd be driving her to school and I'd be like,
• 15:54
  where is Taryn? And she'd be like, and I'd be like, where's Taryn? And she'd start laughing and I'd diffuse the negativity, but that's just such a crappy time of life for any kid.
• 16:08
  She gets better, I promise. Ugh. I promise. Yeah, she's actually not bad. It's the two houses that kind of messes things up. Yeah, sure, of course. How much, you hear me ranting and raving all over these airwaves about vulnerability. How much does vulnerability come into play with some of your clients? Well, it's the core of everything. If you, the problem is society over the years, especially our generation and older, vulnerability was always viewed as a weakness. Yeah.
• 16:38
  You know, of course, Brene Brown, she recreated the definition of vulnerability. And having people own vulnerability is really strength and courage. And it's rooted and founded in resilience. We are all naturally resilient people. If you look at...
• 16:54
  Your story, where you are, you've been incredibly resilient. You know, I've been incredibly resilient, you know, going through all the losses, becoming a single parent, having no income, not knowing what I was going to do.
• 17:09
  You know, we're all batting a thousand. We've overcome every single obstacle we've ever faced. That's why worrying about it. I would say faith over fear. We've talked about this all the time. Worry is. Sorry, I'm looking for something for me. Worry for me is such an incredibly waste of energy. It's exhausting. And I don't, I've never had that component in my life.
• 17:29
  I'm forever the optimist, but I'm a realist at the same time. I look at vulnerability as unless you're willing to go all in in everything you do in your life, which is all vulnerability, transparency, you're never going to truly know what's possible. And again, that's a big part of my coaching. Yeah.
• 17:51
  In the world of personal branding, you know, in the, in marketing in general, it's like, Hey, let's come up with a really cool, kitschy name for our company or special phrase, something cool, kitschy or sexy. And it's like,
• 18:06
  No, clarity. So, hey, guess what your brand is? Your brand is Kelly Siegel. My brand is Kristen Cullen. And I try to advise my clients of the same. And the reason why people resist it is fear. Everything is rooted in love and fear. And you have a choice every day. And so when someone comes up with a cool company name or title, rather than just owning who they are,
• 18:32
  They rob themselves of really owning their own greatness. And they rob the world of who they are because they're, they're hiding everything.
• 18:44
  Yeah, it's so good. Brene Brown's definition out of Atlas of the Heart is vulnerability is not a weakness. It's our greatest measure of courage. Courage we were taught when we watched The Wizard of Oz, and yet we still tap out at the slightest point of discomfort. And it's so frustrating. We talk about it all the time. The moment things get tough. Yeah.
• 19:10
  What are the fight, flight, or freeze? And most people are gonna flight. And me, we know what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna fight to the death. You're gonna charge, yeah. You're gonna charge, I do the same. Yeah, and truthfully, being vulnerable, this book, Heart of the Life book, talks about it. When he started off with emptying a urine jar from my stepfather, I was embarrassed to put that out.
• 19:34
  But I needed people to see who the genuine and authentic Kelly Siegel is, because it explained why I masked for so many years. And I assure you that if you are genuine and authentic and be vulnerable with all the courage in the world, life will get better because you're gonna look, if you're unfortunate enough to be using these crutches or masks, as we talk about all the time, you're gonna be vulnerable, you're gonna look at yourself and stop self-justifying.
• 20:03
  And you're going to freaking do something about it. And that's probably some of it. And I'm going to pivot because I know that you've, I think, given up alcohol. So do you talk to your clients about alcohol?
• 20:19
  Drugs and alcohol. Yeah, so I have a holistic approach. And so it's in looking at every aspect of your life, physical, mental, spiritual, business, relationships, all the things. And so I've always viewed excessive alcohol and drug use as self-medication. It was my survival approach.
• 20:41
  I had a brother who was a chef. He was three years younger than me. And I got a call. Let me think. It was October 26th of 20th.
• 20:55
  I was in California and I was on a business call. My phone kept on ringing. So we're in the heart of the pandemic and it's in California. I was in California. So it's, it's ran out a little longer there. Yeah, it did. And I happened to be on a business call and my phone kept on ringing. It was my mother. Okay.
• 21:12
  And, you know, she, my mom is just not, she's not an intrusive person. And, uh, the minute you see your mother calling like nonstop, your heart kind of sinks. And, uh, when I called her back and I said, Hey, what's going on? Are you okay? Okay.
• 21:28
  And all she could muster up the courage to say to me is your brother's dead. And our experience with loss had always been cancer in my family. And autopsy showed that he had seven times the lethal limit of fentanyl in his system. He had an accidental death from doing recreational drugs. Yeah.
• 21:48
  My brother, you know, was ADD, diagnosed at 16. He always struggled with his worth because my father was this uber successful restaurateur and chef, and my brother always aspired.
• 22:06
  to be like him. And I, I remember when my dad died and I said to my brother, my brother said to me, well, now I have to measure up. And I said, no, you don't. Now you just have to be the best. You dad was dad. You are you. You can't, you can't put that pressure on yourself, but he just never could release himself of that. Um, he really, really lacked self-worth. It was heartbreaking because he was so talented and such a kind human being. And, um, he just,
• 22:35
  He made poor choices. And so I found myself in a really bizarre position with that loss. I found myself really angry with him because as a mother, like there'd be nothing worse than getting that call. You know, no matter how old your child is. Like when I told my mother-in-law that my husband had passed, he was 52 years old, but it was still her child. Life is you're never going to lose a kid. And I was mad at him. Like how could you...
• 23:05
  Cancer was never a choice, but you chose these drugs that, unfortunately, you didn't choose the fentanyl. I get it. But that's the reality of our lives now. Anyone who does any kind of drug nowadays, it's Russian roulette. Yeah, I'm going to jump in there because it is, if you read anything in the papers that
• 23:23
  apparently they're saying, allegedly the Chinese are sending it to us. I don't know about any of that, but I can tell you that fentanyl is here. It is in almost every drug and it only takes a small amount to kill. You said, you said seven times. That means he, or immediately. So,
• 23:40
  Use drugs at your own risk. And I can tell you right now, it's not where it's at, man. And I used to be there, been there, done that, and thank goodness I'm out of it before the fentanyl craze. But it's the same thing with alcohol. You're only kicking the can down the street. The only difference is alcohol has just been legalized and accepted. You know, what I find interesting is going out and about, and I was never a really heavy drinker, but the reason why I quit was I found myself...
• 24:10
  Drinking unconsciously.
• 24:13
  For me, it wasn't to self-medicate or mask a void or mask an upset in my life. You know my boyfriend quite well. And, you know, he was a very heavy social drinker, very heavy. And, in fact, my husband was as well, interesting enough. And I just found myself drinking along with him. And so I just mindfully in November, I was like, you know what? I just turned to him. I was like, I'm not going to drink.
• 24:41
  And he said, why? And I said, I want to see how I feel if I don't. I want to see if I feel better. And everything, everything got better. Everything got better. I sent you that text yesterday about it's just so amazing how we have to explain why we don't use it. Well, and that's just it. And I found myself, it was interesting, you know, so what was I drinking? I was doing soda water with a splash of cranberry and a lime when we'd go out just so I didn't get it.
• 25:09
  you know, questioned, which is silly. It's almost like, Hey, I'm not drinking and I'm owning it. Like what is, what's, why is it a problem when I say, no, thank you. I'm not drinking. And the initial responses or immediate responses, why? Well, you know what, if I'm not eating steak today, you don't ask me why I'm not eating steak. Why, why, why don't you want this methamphetamine? You know, it's like, I don't get it. And so what was interesting, interesting was a week later,
• 25:35
  Brian stopped drinking. And, you know, he, it was interesting because he said, I'm going to go to AA. He had been in recovery before. He's very open about that. And, in fact, recovery for him previous was court-ordered.
• 25:49
  And I said to him, just throw Brian's business out there. No, no, I don't like it. And so I said, the difference now is that if you choose to go to AA, it's your choice. Cause you're ready. Not because you're told you have to, or you did anything wrong. So the profound impact it's going to have on your life now, cause he really got a lot out of the recovery process, even though it was under, you know, duress, it was more of a, you know, it taught him how to handle his anger.
• 26:17
  A big thing for, and what I've been explained from people who are heavy drinkers or alcoholics is a lot of it is anger. A lot of it is rooted in anger. And he said I had to learn how to process my anger differently. And it was interesting. So he never went to AA. And I said, you know, and I said, look, if I never drink again, I'm going to be a good person.
• 26:39
  I will absolutely do that to support you if that's what you need me to do. It's not that important to me. And he said, no, I think you can do whatever you want to do. I'm my own person, and I've got to take responsibility for my choices. And what was interesting, I think when you have an addictive personality, which you can relate to, and he's a gym guy like you, as you know, he said, I'm addicted to feeling good. Now, hold on a second. I've got to unpack that. Feeling good as opposed to –
• 27:08
  being sober and present, not feeling good of the high of the drinking or drugs. A hundred percent. He said, I had to make sure we understood that. He said the sobriety, the sobriety feel good is like it every, like he said, the sobriety feel good was a better high than the high from drugs and alcohol. Oh, he stole that from me at the best day. So the worst day sober is better than the best day. He said the best sex is sober too, by the way, Kelly.
• 27:37
  first time ever you got I don't know no comment so you're just present you're more present
• 27:46
  I, you know, I stopped because obviously I'm an aging woman, you know, a lucky, you know, menopause is fun, but, and I wanted to see the inflammation component if it changed and it trained, it changed drastically. And what was interesting was he was looking back at some pictures of us when we were in Greece in October and he said, oh my God, I look like a blowfish. Look at my face.
• 28:07
  And neither one of you looked any better in your life. He looks phenomenal. And I've enjoyed this ride. I hope I had something to do with it. I don't care. As long as it ends up there, I don't want to be right. I just want to be happy. Yeah. And, and that's, I'm proud. I'm proud. And it gives me more people to hang out with, which I hang out with, with people anyways. But I didn't mean this to spiral off, but I,
• 28:29
  I just say that if you're sober curious or if there's, if it feels like it's out of alignment, probably is. So it's, it's an easy, quick life fix. If you're having two or more drinks at a setting, there's probably something a little wrong. And then, you know, I released that video yesterday. I didn't even know that in women, if you have six drinks per week, per week, you have a 40% increased risk of breast cancer. Yeah.
• 28:55
  the sugar so i couldn't believe it the way it gets worse if you have 10 it's 70 i'm like i had no clue that it was that bad and and and i'm like and then when i knew it was poison i read a book about it i get it so for me it was so different it was just it was literally taught to me it's how brian's sister died she was a severe severe like an alcoholic to such a level that she would go into convulsions if she didn't drink it was that bad and she died of breast cancer
• 29:25
  Oh, so my dad, that's how my dad, I mean, but I didn't have breast cancer, but he drank himself to death. So it's just a sad, sad, sad drug that we just accept. And I'm going to switch. We're going to turn to some positive stuff. So let's talk about, define success for the listeners, please. Joy and happiness all day long. Just, you know, I, um, I mindfully wake up every day and
• 29:51
  Everything is rooted in joy and love and happiness for me. And I reflect on it every day. I, you know, I do my gratitude, my affirmations, my manifestations. We've talked about that. It's just, I've been doing that since 2009, like actually during the cancer journey, I was like, I need to find a way to,
• 30:10
  To keep my head straight, be a mom, you know, be his caregiver, be his advocate. I need to find strength. How do I find strength in the toughest of days? I'm not a religious person. I'm a really spiritual person. I was raised Roman Catholic. I don't practice that faith. I do periodically go to church. I go to a non-denominational church. And I found that gratitude.
• 30:39
  Just, and it was like during the Oprah movement, really, that's what started it. And I just wrote down my gratitudes. And if it was a day we got bad news, you know, with scans and things like that, I would just be grateful for clean water and, you know, the love of my children and my husband. And, you know, other times I have profound greatness for really big things, but yeah,
• 31:01
  Gratitude turns any difficult experience around because you always get to remind yourself that we're okay.
• 31:11
  I've said this a million times. This is not a dress rehearsal. We're not, you don't get to a certain age and all of a sudden everything works and you get it, you get a prize and it's, it's every day is a grind. That's why it's harder than life. You got to be hard. You got to make hard choices every single day to live a good life. And all too often we're all tapping out and being not courageous and wondering why our life sucks. And then you, and then you get down a rabbit hole where we just talked about several deaths that happened. They wonder why.
• 31:37
  Why did it happen? Well, you drank like crazy. So, you know, happiness is a choice. Success is a choice. Everything in this life is a choice. I grew up so poor, so abused. We talked about, you know, your dad being physically abusive. My stepfather tried to drown me, which made me get big and muscular and which annoys me to- And angry. Yeah.
• 32:04
  I don't really anger guy. I don't, I don't think I've ever been angry. I don't know. Maybe when I was drinking, I, I'd always, well, when you're ready to fight and you're on the defense, there's some anger there. There's gotta be some anger. I don't know. You know, I don't know. That's, that's Brian. No, I'm just kidding. Now you're a lover. I love every, I do. I love everybody. And I walk around and I say, I just, the things that I'd never paid attention to, I know it's now. Um,
• 32:27
  trees, my bed, my cat, the fact that I can jump on an airplane and go anywhere I want, the freedom, the calmness, the, the peace that I have in my life. That's the biggest thing. Peace. Yeah. You know when to say no most of the time, there's still certain people in my life I still got to say no to, you know, that you hear about it all the time, but you know, I'm still feeling my way through life. I'm not perfect. I make a lot of good decisions, but I still make bad decisions.
• 32:55
  We talked about this. There's no destination. This is a journey. We are a work in progress our entire life. It's all a combination of choices that we make. We're always given options. It's what is it you're going to choose? And it's interesting. I actually had someone make me wrong. He would say to me, why do you always say it's going to be okay, that it's going to work out? I said, because that's what I truly believe. Yeah.
• 33:24
  I really believe that. If I'm going to sit down, like, for example, you know, I have people say to me all the time, and they learn my story about losing my husband, and we had, I was a very fortunate woman. We had an amazing marriage. And I was a young bride. I eloped, you know, and I was married almost 20 years. Became a widow at 40. And now I look back and I understand that.
• 33:49
  why life turned out the way it did, if you believe in a higher power. And I remember I had a moment, and I was in tears out of gratitude for Brian. And I said, listen, had I not experienced the loss of my spouse, I wouldn't owe you, and we wouldn't have this life together. And so I can choose to sit in grief and be miserable, but,
• 34:15
  or I can choose to live my life. And so then I get into the space of, why did God choose me to be so lucky?
• 34:24
  Well, I think Brian is the lucky one, and I'm not saying that to be polite. We're both lucky. I just think that the change that he's made in his life from dating you is remarkable. And if he can change and I can change, anybody can change. I think that's right. I do want to say that you're starting this remarkable resilience relationship program. I think you should start a personal development program because...
• 34:49
  your level of personal development is far superior to mine. And everything that you say to me whenever I'm in my fields is exactly what I already said to myself and what I know, but I need to hear it. Because sometimes you don't believe, and especially when you're working in the personal development space, I'm trained to kind of think, to dispel my thoughts and feelings. My thoughts are a magical lie.
• 35:14
  The more I learn, the more I realize the things that got me here are wrong, are full of poo, and it drives me insane. Like, nope, that was a coping mechanism. Nope, that was a survival mechanism. Nope, that was... What was actually true? What's true are the pillars of making doing hard things consistently, discipline every single day, exercise, diet, water, meditation, sleep.
• 35:43
  All of it. Those are the pillars. And you just repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat. And hopefully you become the overnight success. And I've been doing it for four and a half years. And hey, man, I have a lot of peace. I have a lot of freedom. I haven't found the love yet, but I will. It'll come. By the way, I'm not superior in the space of self-development, improvement. I'm just further along in the journey. Yeah. Right when you just said it, I was going to correct myself. That's all. What reaction do people have when you walk into a room? Most of the time...
• 36:13
  Well, depending on the environment. So...
• 36:18
  If it's in a corporate work, high power environment, I'm little and blonde. I look young for my age. I'm always underestimated, which I love. That's my favorite thing. I say that's my superpower. Underestimate me. That'll be fun. You know, that's a quote. And I learned early on that that truly, like, you know, if you're underestimated, then expectations aren't really there, which is fine. And then when you prove yourself, you know,
• 36:46
  It's a fun day.
• 36:50
  From an energy standpoint, I would say when I walk in a room, because I carry myself in such a positive space, you know, it'll be very rare you ever see me down. I mean, of course I get down, but I, I work through, I have the tools to work through the days that I'm struggling. I give myself permission to be down for literally a period of time. And I'm like, okay. And then I'm going to move on from that. And wait, hold on. I got to jump with her. You, I forgot you're the one that says that.
• 37:18
  That was on repeat yesterday when I was going through my fields. And I found out it was you. And I was like, okay, I'm going to let you feel this way today. Yeah, of course. And I did. I felt that that was one of the highest levels of feels that I felt in a long time. I mean, all the way back to 2020.
• 37:37
  I went 43 years without feeling a darn thing because anytime I'd feel something, I'd tap out the alcohol. Right. So you didn't have to. All of a sudden, all these feelings hit when I decided to quit or want to say no to alcohol. And...
• 37:53
  Woo. Those were tough. I mean, imagine me being balled up in a ball crying and not knowing why. And I still, some of the things I don't know, I haven't unpacked them. So I, yeah, I was in my fields yesterday and that's what got me through. It comes in waves. Yeah.
• 38:09
  I believe I'm going to the next level. That's where that was coming from. Well, I told you when we were talking yesterday, I'm like, listen, you are on the cliff. You're right there. And every time you feel the overwhelm and the uneasiness...
• 38:26
  you are on the verge of a lesson, the next chapter, you know, the next, all the things. It's the proverbial uncomfortable unknown versus the familiar misery, which is usually a false sense of comfort. That's a false sense of comfort. That's why we stay in relationships that we shouldn't be in. That's why we stay in jobs. We were supposed to, that's why we won't make change. And it's a joke. Change is good. Um,
• 38:53
  You lost me for a second. Well, you know, you were talking about courage earlier. And so there's a distinct difference between fear and courage. Fear is something you feel. Courage is something you do in the face of fear. And it's like... Microphone drop. You know, you just... Again, it's a choice. And...
• 39:13
  I'll tell you one thing about fear with me. And the moment I can experience, I don't know what I call it. The moment fear appears in my life, it is a catalyst for me to go right into it. You know me long enough. When you wrote there, underestimate me, that'll be fun. The moment that I think I'm not good enough, guess what I'm doing? Going right into that. And I won't stop.
• 39:39
  Until I'm successful on the other end of that. Sure. And that's all I know. But that's a survival mechanism. It's the same thing why I work out like I do. Absolutely. It's like nobody's going to stop me. Ever. That's okay. Tell us something you believe in that almost no one agrees with you on. Something I believe in that almost nobody. It's the hardest question in the world for me. But I believe a lot of crazy things.
• 40:09
  I don't have a lot of non-supporters in that regard. I'm pretty good at enrolling people in what I believe. Like, how do you do that? That's a superpower. Like, I need to figure out how to do that because I alienate so many people. Like, this is what you do. Be harder than life.
• 40:28
  Well, it's, but that's your shtick, right? It's, it's your, it's, it's your style, you know, like that Howard Stern had a style. You have a style. Well, I don't mean to do it, but what, what, and like you, it's, we are best equipped to help our younger self. What our younger self needed. You needed survival, resiliency. I needed to be harder than life because there's crap that they, my parents threw at me was stupid. Yeah. Yeah.
• 40:53
  Yeah, well, I told you this a while back, who we are today is best suited to serve who we once were. So, you know, this book, your book, your story, you being willing to share your story at the level that you are with the intention of helping even just one person in the world. I remember the day you released the book and I texted you and I said, listen, don't worry about the reviews. Don't worry about any of that stuff. If you change one life,
• 41:15
  you have succeeded by sharing your story. And I remember contacting you and I said, did you see your nephew's review?
• 41:24
  Oh, I forgot about that. Thanks for bringing that up. Yeah. He, it sparked a conversation from him that we hadn't had before. And he called me, I was in Florida and he called me and said, I need to talk to you. And he's like, I owe you an apology. And he finally gave me the apology that he owed me. He didn't owe it to me, but it was just a proper thing to do. And then he had no clue that I had that argument with his dad about, uh, his proclivity of sexual preference
• 41:54
  I get harped on a lot, as you've seen, when I'm sticking up for people. And I don't do it for the accolades. Yes, I'm probably going to do well at this. But it's all about charity.
• 42:09
  It's all about giving back. It's all about being the voice. I was given this gift of oration, this mind, this body for a reason. I've always joked around, said I'm the chosen one. I'm one of the chosen ones. I'm going to make a difference in this world. So I don't know where I was going with that, but I'm having a freaking blast, and it's all for a higher power, higher reason. You were asking me about something that I believe in that almost nobody agrees with me on, and I would say- Boy, I was asking.
• 42:39
  I'm profoundly loyal beyond. And I think society as a whole struggles with loyalty. I really, you know, doing the work that I do, I've chosen to come from a space of non-judgment. And, you know, I've been wrongly judged in the past. I didn't like being on that receiving end.
• 43:04
  I don't ever want to be the cause of someone to feel that way. And so I really come from a place of non-judgment and everybody, everybody has a vote and every, and I always say, don't judge. You don't know their story.
• 43:20
  And that's really the truth. And, you know, for example, I've probably, I think I met you maybe back in 2014. And then I ran into you in June of 2020 at a mutual friend's pool party. And you and I just started talking. And I said to you, I have never, ever seen you sober.
• 43:47
  And, you know, which is like, I mean, that's the truth. I never, ever had ever run into you sober. And it was such a pleasure having a conversation with you and your eagerness just to absorb whatever you could. And I said to you yesterday, remember what I said to you yesterday? You said a lot yesterday. Well, I was helping. Yesterday I said, who would have ever thought
• 44:14
  that Kelly and I talked to you about creating a chosen smaller circle of friends. Yeah. You know, a lot of people, I know a lot of people, a lot of history with people, but I went through the process of really purging people.
• 44:27
  people out of my life because I am very empathetic and you know, I always tell me about it. Yeah. And I was always in a position I would get drained. And then I was like, you know what? I got to do me. I got to take care of me first. And so purging people and mindfully making this, the circle much smaller. And when I tell you I have the best friends in the world, it's not a big circle. And I consider you one of them. And I remember saying to you,
• 44:52
  Who would have ever thought that Kelly, the Kelly Siegel would be one of those in my life. But because you're on this journey, that's where we connect. We couldn't connect before that. I received that very much. The feeling is mutual and I was going to go somewhere, but I forgot my train of thought again, because I just want to literally be in the present moment. We talked in length about daily winning habits and routines and such. I'd imagine they're similar to what,
• 45:22
  I'm recommending. Yeah. Uh, what would you mind sharing what some of the things you emphasize with your clients and how important they are? Absolutely. Um,
• 45:32
  I always tell my clients to get in, you know, I, we do exercises and whatnot. And so I believe very, very much into visualization. I'm a big vision border. I've been doing it through since 2008. I've never removed a thing off my vision board. I just keep on layering on top of it. When things happen, when things come true, when things happen,
• 45:52
  you know, surface that I have on the board. I'll do a big check mark on it. And then I literally have layered and I have a really, really big board. And you, you know, I have people place it somewhere. They're going to see it all the time. I had it in my walk-in closet. And, um, I, um, I,
• 46:09
  it's sometimes you get disconnected from that and you get busy or whatever. And then you go, huh? Oh yeah, that happened. And that happened. And that, I mean, I'm like, Oh, I'm feel pretty. Vision board is what you recommend. I vision board. Um, my, of course my gratitudes, my gratitudes now are not written so much unless I'm in a space of major struggle. They're automatic. So, you know, our days are made up of small and big setbacks, failures, disappointments. It just happens. It's human nature. No,
• 46:36
  Not every day. So some days. Regularly. I get on some crazy winning roles that I've never seen before. Like I think 2022, I don't think I lost.
• 46:47
  Yeah, but there are days, like it could be like the smallest thing, like getting stuck in a traffic jam. Like I'm talking about all the things, right? That doesn't even bother me. Life happens. And I just automatically in my head go, yeah, but I'm grateful for this. And it just changes the mindset. So I'm huge on that. And then, you know, I think that...
• 47:08
  So like my routine is like I wake up in the morning and I read right away. I'm a huge reader, as you know. I've really tried. I have so many books. I've tried to put it on an iPad. I just can't. I need the paper. I'm with you. I'm so old school. I journal. I'm a big list maker. I'm a big list maker.
• 47:27
  I love the journaling. It's so underrated. I journaled twice yesterday to get the thoughts out of my head. And it kept me from spinning and spiraling. So if you don't journal, that's under every personal development person I think journals. And you know what? I don't know why. I'll let you on a secret. I don't think I've ever said this. Maybe. Maybe.
• 47:46
  I was always nervous about what that somebody would find it, specifically my ex-wife. My ex-wife would literally try to use anything against me, anything. And we've since kissed and made up. Everything is great. We've mutually raised a wonderful girl. But I was always worried she would get it and use it against me. But now it's so therapeutic. All anybody would get was see a guy literally in the arena fighting. And then, yeah, I threw it out.
• 48:12
  I threw it out there in the book. So nobody could throw anything that you were trying to hide. You put it all in that book. That's so liberating. There's more coming. I'm sure there is. Don't worry. I'm sure there is. And I take a very long bath every single day. Whoa, there you go, Brian.
• 48:29
  You know what? We skipped over. I remembered what I was going to say. We talk about loyalty. And you asked me a question yesterday. There's still certain times that I let people have access to me. And you talked about judgment. And you just answered the question I should have answered yesterday, which is certain people I give access to me because I don't judge.
• 48:48
  And I'm able to see them differently than anybody else. And somebody is holding space for them. Like the gentleman that we met in Florida. Nobody sees him. I know his whole story because I could read him like a book. And he feels seen and heard. And I'm probably the only person that makes him feel seen and heard. And if I can save, if I can make his day a little bit better, I'll do it. Even if it sucks the life out of me, which he does.
• 49:15
  Well, it's validating for them. So here's the thing. People don't believe their story matters. They don't believe that they matter because they've gone through a lifetime of not being heard. The very, very first exercise in doing the work with me, whether it's the branding process or the resiliency process, is I sit and I listen. Mm-hmm.
• 49:36
  to their story. And I say to them, the more you share with me, the better I can serve you. It's a safe place, no judgment. And I will take to my grave stories of, you know, I had a girl whose father self sex trafficked her for five years, kept her drugs and she survived it. And now she's doing Ted talks and talks all over the country. I had a guy who, you know, um, got drunk and killed his friend in a car accident. Um,
• 50:05
  um who he ended up in jail for six years uh i had you know i've had a couple prostitutes i've had um that's a superpower just you know to to to make it safe for them to say it happens to me too strangers will walk up and tell me their story and the thing about it is this was my guy in florida he was telling me stories he was leaving things out and i'm like are you going to tell me the rest of the story and he looked at me and he's like
• 50:30
  How do you know that there's more? Because that's the fear of judgment. And I'm giggling. I'm like, because I'm you. Yeah, that's the fear of judgment. So people are selective in what they share. That's why I say, if you've made this investment of time and money to work with me, and if you want the full benefit, everything goes on the table. And what'd you say? Courage. Absolutely. Have the courage. You don't lie to your lawyer. But you have to give them a safe place. Yeah, you don't lie to your lawyer. You don't lie to your doctor or your branding specialist. Yes, yes.
• 50:55
  Yes, I floss. No, they know when you don't floss. Some of these things we've already talked about. I asked the question, when you're down, what do you think of when you smile? It would be gratitude, I would assume, right? When you're down, what do you think of when you... Yeah, I would say gratitude and just...
• 51:14
  I like I'm brought to tears almost weekly about my life and how grateful I am. And my daughter, who's out in college, as I mentioned, you know, she said to me, mom, who would have ever thought we would be where we are right now?
• 51:32
  And you know, when you get the validation for your children. Oh, I did. Of course I did. I was determined. There was no other thing. You wrote it out. We got to figure it out. It's the right first thing I wrote that. We have to figure it out. So this is an interesting thing. I set myself up for failure when I was a new widow and the boys were 15 and almost 13. Taryn was a little girl, seven, as I mentioned. And I sat my kids down and I said, listen, he's not going to be here, which is devastating, but nothing's going to change.
• 52:00
  Oh yeah. I forgot to start. And what an asinine thing for me to say to my children, because I felt like I failed them every single day. And rather than thriving, I was in a survival mode for almost seven years. Oh, and I went to the very first time. I'll never forget this. This was October of 2017. I walked into Kensington church and,
• 52:27
  Danny Cox was on the stage. I was front and center and he, the topic was shame. Oh, and I looked at him like, of course he was talking to me. Absolutely. And I realized there and then that I was living in a space of shame for those seven years and shame stops you. It just stops you. And I'm,
• 52:53
  I got out of there that day. I remember in the car, I made some notes on my phone. I'm like, I am not going to be ashamed anymore. And I'm telling you profoundly, the moment I made that decision, my life altered exponentially in a positive way. And I really owned my greatness and I owned my mistakes and I owned showing my children how to rise above. You are not your mistakes.
• 53:22
  You're not. But a lot of times people, they believe that they are and they don't live fully and they don't have the courage to move forward. So the shame component is a big part of the resiliency program. Well, shame is another part of what Brene Brown talks about. And she said, we experience social pain, which is shame, and physical pain in the same part of the brain exposure that drives fear. It's...
• 53:44
  Shame is, you know, it's funny. All this stupid things I've done. I don't have any shame. I should, but I've kind of forgiven myself. That was, you know, part of the step. So we got it. We're getting up against it. And I want to flip through. I still want to finish these questions because they're so good. As you know, we've talked about I'm an avid reader.
• 54:02
  Do you have a book recommendation? Because you know I'm always the four agreements. And you don't have to recommend The Heart of the Life. But mine is The Four Agreements. What is your book recommendation? What's your go-to? And somebody says, hey, what's your book? Oh, gosh. There are so many good ones that I've gotten so much from. There's the book Do the Hard Work, which I have for you. Thank you. You're welcome. It's hard to find a book that Kelly Siegel hasn't read yet. But I've been pretty good at it.
• 54:30
  Yeah, you've got good. Have you read this one yet? Have you read this one yet? You know which one I got sitting on my list? Because I'm doing, I got a bunch of several big podcasts coming up. Yeah. And they all have books. So I'm reading their books. Okay. Because I want to be prepared. Sure. But one of them is that it's not coming on yet. But I will one day. It was Lewis Howes. Of course. I can't wait to read that one. The Greatness Mindset? Yes. Yeah. It's profoundly fabulous. So I had the sincere honor to work with him. Yeah. And...
• 54:57
  If he listens to this, I'm coming for him. So he and I would be fast friends and I'm going to, I'm going to be on his podcast. He'd be on mine. You know, the way Lewis is in person, like when you see him on screen or on stage or meeting him, he is really that guy. He's just, he's really. Sounds familiar. He's a stand for people to be great. I mean, he just is. And, uh, you know, but he was another example of, uh,
• 55:20
  killing it professionally and struggling in his relationships. And I shared the podcast, which you had already seen with him and his girlfriend, Martha fire. And I have shared that with so many people because, you know, there's nothing wrong with basically interviewing, you know, he got to a point he had done enough, you know, work that he was owning what his, you know, I, I do an exercise with my clients, which is like red flags, non-negotiables and hell knows.
• 55:50
  And I always say to my clients, like, look, you have to apply relationships in your life to these three things. These are your boundaries. You know, we all have different ones. Mine, I finally added, and we've talked about this, two or less drinks. They have to, I cannot date somebody that is drinking. Because I am going to be a mirror and you're going to watch my life and what I do. And it is no joke. You know it. You've seen it. You've stayed with me.
• 56:16
  Every day is I'm punching in and we're going to war because I want to win. Winning is more fun than fun is fun for me. So you're not going to see, oh, today Kelly took the day off on the gym or Kelly snuck a drink. It's just not going to happen. I don't negotiate with myself. It is awful.
• 56:36
  freaking on like Donkey Kong. So, um, I, that's one of my non-negotiables now. And it's taken many screw ups as you've seen that I can't do it. It's not screw ups. It's learning. It's just learning. And, and there was a pattern that kept on continuing with you because you hadn't healed from that part of your life yet. And,
• 56:56
  I like the good in people. I think that, hey, I freaking quit drinking so I can inspire them to quit drinking. And then, no, I can't. I'm going to keep trying. There are still some people in my life that I'm going to keep trying. As I told you. But from afar. As I told you, unless people want to heal, there's nothing you can do. Yeah, I know that. That's the hardest thing in the world. That's the hardest thing because you want...
• 57:18
  the people that you care about and you love, and we talked about this and I feel the same way, like with the work that I do, I'm really mindful about not imposing what I do on people in my family, my partner. How long, wait, wait, wait, hold on. How long did you work with Brian or how long did you date Brian before he decided to make the changes has been was two years. Yeah. It was about two years. Yeah. And I was really, really, really mind trick on you, Brian.
• 57:44
  I was really respectful and I, you know, I have very open conversations. I'm like, look, I'm here. You want to do the work? You let me know, but I'm not going to impose it on you. Yeah. I need to do better than that. I'm going to learn that from you. So did you come up with a book? Did we, did we go? So I said, do the hard work. Greatness mindset, which is a recent one that I, you know, I really, really loved. Gosh, there's, there's so many. I don't read fiction.
• 58:12
  I just, I'm not a fiction reader. I'm the one book I sent you was fiction, but that had a profound, it was good. Yeah. It was, it had a profound message. It was the one about living your life. You know, you only have one life to live and, you know, realizing I forget the name of it. Sometimes it like showers and you have to be reminded, even though I know that and I say it every day, you know, we're on the right side of the dirt. So be grateful. Um, I just, you still need to be reminded. What's the most important decision you've made in your life?
• 58:40
  Oh, gosh. To be a mom. Oh. That was a decision. I know it is. I didn't think about that for a second, but that's cute. And you get to break the cycle of abuse. I got to break the cycle of abuse. There's nothing cooler than being where I'm at right now as a parent, seeing them each come into their own.
• 59:03
  And all three of them at 27, 25, and 19 are living a life of passion with purpose. They are doing exactly what they want to do. And they tell me all the time it's because I taught them that. And I feel humbled when they say that. It's not by accident. But I just, it is so cool to see these kids do good in the world and be good human beings and excel. Money is just a result of it.
• 59:30
  You know, when people say, I'm going to make $10 million, you know, that's great. There's nothing wrong with aspiring for that, but that needs to be a result of something. And I really believe that, you know,
• 59:43
  Making the world a better place is important. And, you know, when you asked me earlier about, like, what's the one thing that I believe that maybe a lot of people wouldn't agree with me, I believe there's good in absolutely everybody. Oh, I believe that. You know. Most people are good. You know, I really believe that. Absolutely. And usually we have the ability to look and say, even when somebody, quote unquote, isn't good, they're hurting. Well, right. There's something. Hurt people hurt people. Yeah. And it's. Yeah. Yeah.
• 1:00:09
  It's not them. I mean, it's how you probably met me the first time, you know, at the at the at the post party. And listen, man, I wasn't trying to be a mean guy. I just was having fun and hurting myself and didn't realize I was hurting everybody. What's the best and worst advice you've ever received? Uh...
• 1:00:33
  Let's see. Again, thinking about where we are in life now and who we used to be type thing.
• 1:00:41
  The best advice I would say that I received was actually from a friend who's a psychologist who attended my husband's funeral. And he had lost his first wife to cancer. And then he had a failed second marriage. And he was on his third marriage to a friend of mine. And he called me up about three weeks after the funeral. Sweetest guy, his name's Bob from St. Louis. And he said, have you let them see you cry?
• 1:01:06
  And I said, they don't like it when I cry. It makes them uncomfortable, meaning the kids. And he said, Kristen, if you don't let them see you cry, then you don't give them permission and the freedom to feel their pain openly with you. So that was probably profiling one of the best advice I was ever given. You've told me that before? That is so good because that's a limiting belief that you had too. Totally. I've got to be tough. Yeah, strong.
• 1:01:36
  and no, we talked about being vulnerable. That was, that's being vulnerable at its finest. And you know what? I'm not going to lie. There was a couple of times I shed tears yesterday, man. And I tell you if I can mustard up because there was nobody ever cried to when I was a kid. So I just didn't cry. Yeah. Um, when, if I can mustard up, it's one of the hardest things for me to do, man, I feel better for it. Yeah. But when you're, and again, boys are raised that, you know, it's so stupid. Boys don't cry. You want to know when I cry more and I'll be, this is, I'm going to put this right here. Um,
• 1:02:05
  I cry from gratitude more than anything ever. When I am going to the gym and I'm on my way, I'm going to the gym.
• 1:02:12
  That's when I feel the best. And I just, I cry. I'm like, I'm so fortunate and grateful that I get to do it. A lot of times when I'm in Florida and I'm going to the gym in Florida, I'm like, how did I get, how did I get here? I have this harder than life. I have been beaten. I've been punched. I've been put down. I've been told I'm nothing. And here I'm dry. I have a beautiful home in Florida and I get to drive in a beautiful car and I'm healthy and I'm above ground and I get to go to this gym. Do you know the answer? No.
• 1:02:38
  You made it happen. That's how you got there. I'm harder than life. That's how you got there. Yeah. For me, I cry all the time out of gratitude. I'll look at my kids and I'll cry. I'll look at Ryan and I'll cry. And he'll be like, I know. Like, Ryan, now we're at a point now. He's like, I know, me too. Best feeling ever. Oh, my gosh. So if you ever want to quit drinking, that. That is the single best feeling ever. Ever. What was the worst advice? Here, take this shot. Okay.
• 1:03:06
  Yeah, tequila is a liar. It only hurts for a second. Worst advice was when I was younger and I was trying to prove myself in the professional world. I was the only female broker in a commercial real estate development firm, youngest by 22 years, only Gentile.
• 1:03:24
  And, uh, which was fun. I was underestimated. Um, and I was told, and I don't recall who told me this, or maybe I just told myself this, um, not to own my femininity. I never wore a dress or anything that would ever put me in a position to be accused of closing the deal because of the packaging. I wore pantsuits. Um,
• 1:03:51
  I was going to prove myself to be just as good as they were. Like I, and that was immaturity. You're better than, than all of us. Yeah. But that was immaturity. And looking back now, like I, you know, I work with younger people a lot too, which is really fun. It's like, own, own you. Yeah.
• 1:04:07
  Well, embrace your femininity as a female. I would say the same thing as a male. So what did I just say about crying? I mean, that's embracing my feminine. I am big into it. You get to see more. But I robbed myself of my own greatness. I wonder if somebody did tell you that. When I was trying to be a conformist. I'm not a conformist. Huh. Interesting. Is there something I haven't asked you today that you feel compelled to share? Yeah.
• 1:04:37
  you didn't ask me how I feel about you. I knew you were going to say something. Okay. I'm really working on receiving. Right. It's not easy, is it? No, it is not. When you were told your whole entire life that you are shit and you don't matter. Yeah. You believe it. I don't believe it anymore, but it's still hard to receive. So the thing is about that and ask anyone who's really close to me, I'm a horrible compliment receiver to this day.
• 1:05:08
  I can't tell you why. It's kind of like you want credit and then you get it and you're like, oh yeah, okay. You know, and, and I, it's a work in progress for me. A hundred percent. Um, I am, um,
• 1:05:20
  beyond words grateful for our friendship uh you're my brother you know i don't have a little brother you're my little brother you are um such a joy and you are i'm like i couldn't even though i have no ownership on you i have an ownership of our relationship and i couldn't be more proud
• 1:05:42
  to be your friend and to call you mine. And it's very important to me that you understand how special you are and how great you are. And you make a difference in such a positive way every single day, even the days that you're not sure that you're heard. And I just want to acknowledge you for that because you have so much more ahead of you. And I'm just so honored to be on this journey with you.
• 1:06:13
  Thank you. I received that. You can see that I'm crying and that's my femininity. And I'm going to immediately accept that gratitude and the feeling is mutual. And I just want to end it with how can I personally support you? How can the Heart of Life brand personally support you? Because you're a fabulous, fabulous individual that the world needs to know about.
• 1:06:32
  Well, how you can do it is just keep on doing what you're doing and do more of it every single day and know that it's a profound, profound impact on this world. You know, you're always so generous with me on social and everything. You know, everyone's got to work with you.
• 1:06:51
  I, I wake up, you know, we talked about this too. You know, when we talk about like the definition of success, you know, and I said, you know, joy, but freedom is a big part of that. And the freedom in what I do, I get to choose who I work with. I'm so lucky. There's no Mondays, you know, like we'll laugh and say, what day of the week is it? But that's by design. And I want everyone to understand they can live that life no matter how old they are. It's never too late.
• 1:07:18
  Um, so just keep on doing what you're doing because I feed off of what you do and we, you know, cross promote each other all the time. I, um, I just want to continue this work. I don't ever see myself not doing this work ever. There will be no retirement. Um,
• 1:07:35
  I'm going to be 75 years old running around with muscles and saying, screaming, don't drink. Don't do that. I I've only just begun. I know. And you have my full word that this is what I meant to do. This is what I'm going to do. And I'm coming for all the big guys. So look out at my lab. Look out. Look out. Frickin Lewis.
• 1:07:56
  They're just further along. Yes, yes, yes. That's all it is. I didn't know I was this. I didn't know I knew what I was talking about. But, you know, there was imposter syndrome because I was such a big drinker. Now I'm not. And now there's a complete alignment. I'm still working on the love and receiving. It's always going to be a work in progress. Thank you so much. I need to remind everybody that each and every episode is sponsored by National Technology Management. They pay the bills. The easiest and best IT company to do business with. Delivering peace of mind with technology every day. Until next week, be harder than life.
• 1:08:26
  Thank you for listening. Please rate and subscribe to Harder Than Life, and let's take this to the next level. Get connected at the links below.