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3 Things I Didn't Expect at 50 · “I” Of The Hurricane

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: And trust me when I say I know what it's like to make your own life difficult.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: Does your life feel like Groundhog Day on repeat?
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Eye of the Hurricane Podcast.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: Well, when I say to make your own life, now 50 comes with some gifts like nobody really tells you about.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: And so far, it's my favorite part of Gift Mulder.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: But 50 also has plenty of downsides.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: So for you, I don't know, but for myself, sometimes I wake up and I swear I'm sore just from sleeping.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: I had a time uh last week where I ordered dinner at this dimly lit restaurant, and I had to use my iPhone, and I literally had to extend the menu out as far as my arm would reach.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: So a couple other weird ones, like I'll look at 22-year-olds and I feel like they're 15, and I see some people that I think are 70 or 75, and they end up being my age.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: So there's no judgment there.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: It's just pretty much wild times, if you will.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: But aging itself brings with it something that's pretty incredible for many of us, and that's that we no longer need so much validation.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: You know, we start not caring, but in a positive way.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: And we spend all those years growing up using how people perceive us really as the bar as to whether we're doing things the right way.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: So you think in terms of do others think we're successful?
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: You know, do they think we're good parents?
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: Do they think that we're looking old?
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: There's a million different variations.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: But for many of us, in age arise where we have this epiphany, and the epiphany is most people actually aren't thinking about us nearly as much as we imagined.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: We we tend to think that everyone's talking about us or tuned into what we're doing, and it's not necessarily the case.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: It's in some ways you realize that you're not as important, and because of that, it ends up making life more fun and entertaining.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: So we figure out what what a lot of people know, and that is that people are actually thinking about themselves just like we are most of the time.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: And that realization is incredibly freeing.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm not saying we just completely stop caring what other people think, right?
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: We're human beings, but we do become a whole lot more selective about whose opinion really gets our vote.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if we go back to like age 25, the wrong comment from a fringe player in your life all of a sudden um can totally ruin your weekend.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: And at 50, you get to where you can accept what people say and you don't internalize it.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: And that is a beautiful gift.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: So we don't need everyone to understand our decisions and the people who actually matter, they probably will, but if they don't, that's totally cool as well.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: The other gift, the other thing I want to talk about that happens around being this age is really the relationship with time, it totally changes.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: So we figure out what sounds like a jarring truth, and that is kind of what our relationship to the world is, because we get to see it play out around us.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: And when I say our relationship to the world, what I mean is there's an understanding that we will eventually die.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: And when we do, the world actually continues on.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: Now that seems like an obvious thing, but um, I think as you get older and you watch it play out, it becomes um a lot more obvious that that really is how it works.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: Everything continues on.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, a week after our death, all of those who aren't family or super close friends, they end up back to their normal routines.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sure occasionally we come up in conversations, but as I said, time marches on.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: So for a lot of us, it's accepting this harsh reality that adds a ton of humor and lightness to being alive.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: It also makes the good opinion of other people borderline meaningless at times, which is a powerful place to come from.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: So we know how valuable time is at 50.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: When at 20 years old, most people feel like there's an infinite supply of minutes left.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: So you think in terms when you're young, there's always gonna be another summer, there'll be another Christmas, you know you're gonna have another conversation with that person that you love.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it's unlimited days you believe that you're gonna feel good and the people around us are gonna feel good as well.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: But as we age, we tend to find that there is no unlimited supply of opportunities or promised days.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: Um, whether that be of overall health or just simply being alive.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: Every day truly is a blessing, no matter how cliche that may sound.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: So, what ends up happening when you get older is you all of a sudden might put the phone down when you're having a conversation, or you may decide to take that extra vacation each and every year, not knowing if next year you'll have that opportunity.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: So we can take different chances and we can quit postponing things that we keep telling ourselves that we're eventually going to do.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: So it's liberating to realize that you've really endured so many hard things through your life, and you're still here.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: That's kind of the third gift, is you realize how strong you actually are.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: So, with that age and that maturity, we learn that pain and struggle, they don't necessarily mean our lives turned out wrong or that we got unlucky.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: You figure out that it's just a guaranteed part of the overall journey.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: So, for many of us, you know, it makes it more likely that we will chase our dreams and we'll be vulnerable and we'll share than we were at age 25 because we've been through the hard things and that perspective by itself is beautiful.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: So don't get me wrong, I would love to have my 25-year-old body, but I wouldn't change to my 25-year-old mind and perception of the world.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: It's really that wisdom that creates our superpower.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: So we want to make sure in this case that we take chances, we share feelings, and when we get feedback that would have hurt our feelings at 25, we can say, you know what?
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: I really appreciate your opinion.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: And we can have a smile on our face, but we also realize it's our own race to run.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: So that's three gifts.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: Please share which gifts that you think getting older have brought to you because I think it's a really important topic.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks so much for joining.