Latest / We Talk Back / Ep. 18 "Lets Talk About Sex Baby" with Dr. Donna Oriowo

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Ep. 18 "Lets Talk About Sex Baby" with Dr. Donna Oriowo · We Talk Back

0:00
Speaker 1: Talk. We're just too unapologetically black women with an opinion.
0:06
Speaker 1: Who talks back? What's up? Is your girl? A j
0:15
Speaker 1: It's Cam Brown, I'm somebody else today and we talked back. Stupid.
0:26
Speaker 1: We got some good stuff today, understand. Last time, I'm
0:32
Speaker 1: trying to get some free therapy today. Yes, that's what
0:37
Speaker 1: I'm talking about. Any time we have a doctor of anything,
0:39
Speaker 1: I'm trying to take advantage of them. Yeah. We got
0:46
Speaker 1: Dr Oreo Woe. She's a sex therapist and we're gonna
0:52
Speaker 1: be talking to her about sex basically, so not to
0:57
Speaker 1: be confused with a sex x or a sexpert um
1:03
Speaker 1: from all she says, it's like basically kind of right, yeah, yeah,
1:07
Speaker 1: but she is also a sexpert yep. So let's get
1:12
Speaker 1: into a girl because I'm excited to know if I'm
1:14
Speaker 1: doing it right. And we're live. Hey, Dr Donna Oreo
1:27
Speaker 1: WHOA is on the show. Everybody, this is we talk
1:30
Speaker 1: back and it's a j A and Dodger. Donna is
1:36
Speaker 1: a sex therapist and she's gonna talk to us about
1:40
Speaker 1: some we got crazy questions for you, especially Agent. So
1:46
Speaker 1: first we want to congratulate you on your double masters
1:51
Speaker 1: and your PhD. Girl Round of applause for you since yes,
1:59
Speaker 1: for real talking to us and our listeners about what
2:02
Speaker 1: motivated you to get into sex therapy. People kept telling
2:06
Speaker 1: me their business, like I need to getting in in Yeah,
2:11
Speaker 1: I'm like, people kept on telling me their business. Um.
2:14
Speaker 1: And more than that, I felt like sex should not
2:17
Speaker 1: be a taboo because I'm looking at all the people.
2:20
Speaker 1: I'm looking like somebody had sex just so you could
2:23
Speaker 1: be here. Thanks. So I'm just like, but why are
2:27
Speaker 1: we keeping it a secrets. We celebrate pregnancies, we celebrate births,
2:31
Speaker 1: but we don't want to talk about what lived to
2:33
Speaker 1: Those things don't make any sense. I'm a pleasure over here.
2:38
Speaker 1: So just talking about sex just seemed like a natural,
2:44
Speaker 1: normal thing, especially as it relates to mental health and
2:47
Speaker 1: and talking about it with black women in particular, I
2:50
Speaker 1: have to talk about how color resum and textures and
2:52
Speaker 1: impact their mental and sexual health. So I got into
2:56
Speaker 1: it because I feel like I in some ways I
2:58
Speaker 1: fell into it. Um. I was very much into the
3:01
Speaker 1: mental health side of things, just wanting people to live
3:05
Speaker 1: their best life as it were, but integrated. And I
3:09
Speaker 1: saw Meet the Fockers and I was like, wait, it'sex
3:12
Speaker 1: therapy real so I went and looked it up and
3:15
Speaker 1: it was and I was like, well, all right, let
3:18
Speaker 1: me figure out where I get gonna get some more
3:20
Speaker 1: this education so that I can be prepared to do
3:23
Speaker 1: the work that people had already sort of thrust me
3:25
Speaker 1: and by giving me all they did. So if I said, Okay,
3:30
Speaker 1: I'm starting up today to have a sex therapy session,
3:34
Speaker 1: what would like what does that consist of? Because am
3:37
Speaker 1: I gonna be so awhere like you teach me Bandana
3:40
Speaker 1: how to suck dick? Or what? What is it like?
3:42
Speaker 1: What is it look like? Yeah, because I think a
3:43
Speaker 1: lot of people confuse sex expert with a sex with
3:47
Speaker 1: sex therapists. I don't think you need any education to
3:50
Speaker 1: be well, any formal institutionalized education to be a sex expert, right,
3:57
Speaker 1: versus a sex therapist where you have to get an education, right.
4:01
Speaker 1: I mean, honestly, it runs the gamut um depending on
4:05
Speaker 1: why you're going to sex therapy in the first place.
4:07
Speaker 1: So for some folks it's straight sex therapy looks a
4:10
Speaker 1: lot more like, Okay, we're having some issues around sex
4:14
Speaker 1: and we are trying to resolve those issues. Um. Sometimes
4:17
Speaker 1: it's high sex drive, low sex drive. Sometimes it really
4:20
Speaker 1: is just like mechanics and UM. For that, I end up,
4:25
Speaker 1: I'll refer out to a sex coach. Okay, I can
4:29
Speaker 1: teach mechanics, but that's not my lane, and I'm just
4:33
Speaker 1: like I'm I'm stick to my lane. UM. But for
4:38
Speaker 1: sex therapy. More times when people think they need sex therapy,
4:42
Speaker 1: but that's not actually what they need. What they need
4:44
Speaker 1: is communication therapy because they don't talk to each other well.
4:47
Speaker 1: So I'm seeing UM, particularly UM couples and those in relationships.
4:52
Speaker 1: It's more that they've had so many communication mishaps that
4:55
Speaker 1: they can't even communicate about sex anymore. There's a lot
4:58
Speaker 1: of pressure on it. They don't know how to engage
5:02
Speaker 1: intimately with one another outside of sex. So it's sort
5:06
Speaker 1: of rebuilding bridges and rebuilding trust and getting them back
5:10
Speaker 1: into a space where they feel like they can have
5:12
Speaker 1: the sex life that they want. UM. Where it comes
5:16
Speaker 1: to the mechanics of it all. I mean, most of
5:20
Speaker 1: my clients don't get to the mechanics because let me
5:23
Speaker 1: tell you that they already know how to have sex
5:26
Speaker 1: that's pleasurable and great and all that for them, but
5:30
Speaker 1: it's it's not pleasurable because they don't know how to talk.
5:33
Speaker 1: So once we get past the communication barriers and then
5:36
Speaker 1: well I don't really want to have sex with you
5:38
Speaker 1: because I don't like you no more type of stuff.
5:40
Speaker 1: Once we get past that, um, they don't actually need
5:44
Speaker 1: the mechanics talk. But if it does come down to mechanics,
5:47
Speaker 1: because I do deal in some virgins as well, they
5:50
Speaker 1: come on in a sex therapy to um, then we
5:53
Speaker 1: might be learning like, Okay, how do you suck that,
5:56
Speaker 1: how do you ride there? How do you do all
5:59
Speaker 1: of the things, and that's watch this video over here,
6:05
Speaker 1: and then we'll come back and we'll talk about it.
6:07
Speaker 1: Because usually there's other feelings that come up when they're
6:10
Speaker 1: even learning that stuff because they're like, oh, well, now
6:13
Speaker 1: I feel badly because you know, I was raised Christian,
6:16
Speaker 1: or I was raised this, I was raised that, and
6:19
Speaker 1: it goes against what I was told I'm supposed to
6:22
Speaker 1: do or what I feel like I should be allowed
6:24
Speaker 1: to do. So now we're having a completely different discussion.
6:27
Speaker 1: It ends up being about how we think and feel
6:30
Speaker 1: about sex more than the act of sex itself. But yeah,
6:34
Speaker 1: I'm not like I'm for people to ask good y'all
6:36
Speaker 1: the time, goody god glasses classes videology. So all right,
6:46
Speaker 1: I had this boyfriend one time and it didn't last long.
6:48
Speaker 1: And you tell me, did we need a sex therapist
6:51
Speaker 1: or a sex expert or both? So we had we
6:55
Speaker 1: were very we got among really well everything, Like we
6:58
Speaker 1: walk in the door and be pasted, giving me out
7:01
Speaker 1: of my clothes. We're just kissing, falling all over the
7:03
Speaker 1: wall and ship. And as soon as we started having sex,
7:07
Speaker 1: I mean, it's over in two minutes. I mean maybe
7:10
Speaker 1: not even two minutes. I mean it's over fast. And
7:13
Speaker 1: I you know, I know my pussy is really good.
7:16
Speaker 1: So I just got it at first, like oh, maybe
7:18
Speaker 1: he just needs to get used to this magic, this
7:20
Speaker 1: sunshine I got. So we had sex three different times
7:24
Speaker 1: and it was the same thing every time. So I'm like,
7:27
Speaker 1: all right, this is a problem because I'm not being
7:30
Speaker 1: please here. You know, the four play is amazing, but
7:32
Speaker 1: the sex is just too short. So I sat him
7:35
Speaker 1: down and I said to him, like, all right, this
7:39
Speaker 1: is gonna be an uncomfortable conversation for both of us,
7:42
Speaker 1: but I need to say these things to you because
7:44
Speaker 1: I care about you and I really like you. And
7:48
Speaker 1: I was like, before you get done, I'm just getting started.
7:53
Speaker 1: I mean, once you're done, I'm just getting started, like
7:55
Speaker 1: you come too fast. So he got up from the couch,
8:00
Speaker 1: walk to the kitchen, pour himself a glass of water.
8:02
Speaker 1: He didn't say. Now we're just sitting there in silence.
8:05
Speaker 1: I didn't say a word. And then he took a
8:08
Speaker 1: civil water and he said, I ain't never had a
8:10
Speaker 1: beach say no ship like that to me before. That
8:13
Speaker 1: was his response, and got his keys and walked down.
8:16
Speaker 1: He was so embarrassed. I go with before the fall. Um,
8:23
Speaker 1: for me, that's sex therapy. That's sex therapy, not sex expert. Right. Well,
8:31
Speaker 1: I mean I'm still a sexpert, right and anyone who
8:33
Speaker 1: is a sex therapist is a sexpert. So it's not um,
8:36
Speaker 1: it's not a one or the other in that way. Um.
8:40
Speaker 1: Could he may have review some coaching more than likely, yes, Um,
8:45
Speaker 1: but some of that would be sex therapy. Some of
8:48
Speaker 1: that falls under sex therapy period. So Number one, like,
8:52
Speaker 1: what does he think he knows about sex and sexuality?
8:55
Speaker 1: How does he talk about sex and sexuality? Clearly not
8:57
Speaker 1: very well. If having someone gently give him feedback hurts
9:02
Speaker 1: that much, that looking like that the first time he
9:04
Speaker 1: heard it, He's fine, Yeah, and do we blame. Do
9:09
Speaker 1: we blame him, or do we blame or do we
9:11
Speaker 1: blame tam for being honest? Or do we blame the
9:14
Speaker 1: women prior to her that just let him go on
9:16
Speaker 1: thinking he was knocking to bottom out that pussy like
9:19
Speaker 1: and you ain't doing nothing like I'm so pro pleasure
9:24
Speaker 1: that I'm not We're not faking work. I'm thinking for
9:27
Speaker 1: years this I was sorry, says but that stuff should
9:31
Speaker 1: have been less than two thousand nine. Do you think
9:35
Speaker 1: that thousand nine? It should not be a thing of
9:38
Speaker 1: now faking it? Lying you are setting the next woman
9:41
Speaker 1: up for additional work or the next person up traditional work,
9:45
Speaker 1: because now they gotta be like, look, your sex is
9:48
Speaker 1: actually whack. It's like wiggedy wiggedy whack um. And I
9:53
Speaker 1: think that you can learn. But whoever told you that
9:57
Speaker 1: your dick, your dick slanging skills was the best things
10:00
Speaker 1: since slice reread lies? Who ever told you your head
10:04
Speaker 1: game was amazing? Lie? And you know what, maybe they
10:09
Speaker 1: told the truth for them, but they're not telling the
10:11
Speaker 1: truth for me. For me, this does not work for
10:14
Speaker 1: my body. This is what my body needs. And I
10:17
Speaker 1: think that some of it is just learning. Number one
10:19
Speaker 1: that we have body diversity, and then in that body diversity,
10:23
Speaker 1: different things still good for different people. So what you
10:26
Speaker 1: did for your last job not gonna work for this one,
10:29
Speaker 1: and you have to be okay with that. So you
10:32
Speaker 1: have to you have to know that this is like
10:34
Speaker 1: a job when you go from one time and working
10:41
Speaker 1: like so you're a bank teller over at at Chase,
10:44
Speaker 1: and now you want to go be a bank teller
10:45
Speaker 1: at Bank of America. The way that Bank of America
10:47
Speaker 1: does things might be different from the Chase, which means
10:50
Speaker 1: that it is your job. Yes, you have some skills
10:52
Speaker 1: and bank tell us stuff, but some of those things
10:55
Speaker 1: will be transferable, but you still have to learn the
10:58
Speaker 1: lay of the land that you're at into. People don't
11:01
Speaker 1: want to learn the lay in the land. Instead they
11:03
Speaker 1: have been taught that I have to know how to
11:06
Speaker 1: have sex, and that would be enough for anybody that
11:09
Speaker 1: I have sex with, as opposed to thinking how I
11:12
Speaker 1: have sex might have to change based on what is
11:15
Speaker 1: that I'm with and what actually feels good for There
11:19
Speaker 1: so many yeah, like men, make sure your woman tells
11:25
Speaker 1: you it's good. Don't just assume it isn't until I
11:27
Speaker 1: tell you it's good. Just assume as not THAT'SI do
11:32
Speaker 1: you think. I feel like women orgasm is like a
11:34
Speaker 1: new world. It's like a new thing because I'd like
11:38
Speaker 1: to think that if women didn't have the right to vote,
11:40
Speaker 1: they didn't have the right to even talk. At some
11:43
Speaker 1: point where men ever really that concerned about a woman
11:46
Speaker 1: coming back then, I want to say it's seven years ago. Okay, now,
11:51
Speaker 1: seven years ago. But there definitely was a time where, um,
11:55
Speaker 1: there there was a belief that you could only make
11:58
Speaker 1: a child if a woman workasm. There was their belief,
12:03
Speaker 1: so they would work hard to make sure that orgasms happen. Um,
12:08
Speaker 1: there was a time where they called it um they
12:11
Speaker 1: said like women had hysteria, and to hysteria, you give
12:15
Speaker 1: a woman an orgasm. Right now, I'll be like, that's
12:22
Speaker 1: hysterias back again, come on, help me out, let me,
12:26
Speaker 1: let me not thinking about sex and sexuality in that way.
12:33
Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, there was a time where it was
12:36
Speaker 1: very focused on a woman's orgasm. But somewhere along the way,
12:40
Speaker 1: patriarchy really did a beautiful number where it's just like,
12:44
Speaker 1: well I got mine, you should have got yours. Number one,
12:46
Speaker 1: So we're moving it more into a selfish space where
12:50
Speaker 1: it's like, well, if I have an orgasm and you
12:53
Speaker 1: did it, that's your fault. Um, So it's not being
12:57
Speaker 1: about mutual pleasure. It's started being about let let me
13:00
Speaker 1: get what I can get and fuck you. So when
13:03
Speaker 1: you move into that space, it's like, well damn. Now.
13:06
Speaker 1: That's not to say that everyone is not responsible for
13:08
Speaker 1: their orgasms, because I still believe that to be true
13:11
Speaker 1: as well. I'm like, you have a responsibility of what
13:15
Speaker 1: you need for your body, to communicate it and to
13:17
Speaker 1: make sure that you get some as well. But if
13:21
Speaker 1: your partner is unwilling to sort of meet you where
13:25
Speaker 1: you are, is unwilling to change up what they're doing
13:29
Speaker 1: so that you can also experience pleasure. Number one, why
13:32
Speaker 1: did you choose this back as person? And number you know,
13:37
Speaker 1: number three and five let them go. Let that, let
13:42
Speaker 1: our person go. Like they're not ready. They don't want
13:47
Speaker 1: to actually engage insects with you. They're having sexts to you,
13:51
Speaker 1: and that's not the same thing. So okay. So one
13:55
Speaker 1: of the things I wanted to talk about I saw
13:57
Speaker 1: one of your videos on YouTube. You were talking about
14:00
Speaker 1: how to communicate with your partner about what you would
14:03
Speaker 1: like with sex. So my guy communicated that he wanted
14:08
Speaker 1: to exaculate in my mouth, bust in her mouth every time,
14:15
Speaker 1: every time. Like so he's like, you know, he wants
14:17
Speaker 1: to finish that way, and I don't like that. I'm
14:20
Speaker 1: not saying that I wouldn't do it. I'm not saying
14:21
Speaker 1: that I haven't done it, but to me, like, that's
14:23
Speaker 1: something Valentine's Day birthday type ship. You're not just about
14:26
Speaker 1: to be slapping me out like you're watching point like
14:28
Speaker 1: it's some porn. You know what I'm saying. I like nasty,
14:31
Speaker 1: nasty sex. But at the same time, like, no, every time,
14:33
Speaker 1: I don't like that. Right, So he made a comment
14:36
Speaker 1: once and he was like, well, if you don't let
14:37
Speaker 1: me do it, um no, he said, uh, how a
14:41
Speaker 1: woman can't become a girlfriend or a wife without doing that.
14:45
Speaker 1: That's kind of manipulation a little bit. So I'm like, well,
14:49
Speaker 1: I guess I won't be exactly I won't be girlfriend
14:53
Speaker 1: or wife then, but you end up being pretty much
14:56
Speaker 1: both exactly right, But how how do Because my thing
15:01
Speaker 1: is why do you want to do that? Why do
15:04
Speaker 1: you want if I'm already giving you all ahead in
15:06
Speaker 1: the world, why do you then have to take it
15:09
Speaker 1: up a notch or try and push the envelope. Is
15:11
Speaker 1: it because it really feels good? Or is it because
15:14
Speaker 1: you're now trying to make me do something that I
15:16
Speaker 1: just don't want to do. So you're like, you know,
15:18
Speaker 1: trying to force me to do something I really don't like.
15:21
Speaker 1: And if it's pleasurable for you and it's not pleasurable
15:24
Speaker 1: for me, why do you want to do it? Mm hmm.
15:28
Speaker 1: So different people find different things to be pleasurable. Um,
15:33
Speaker 1: I'm all about you know, not knocking somebody else's so
15:36
Speaker 1: don't yuck someone else's young. For them, that is a
15:39
Speaker 1: yummy ass thing to do. Like this makes like, oh,
15:41
Speaker 1: it makes me feel good. It feels so great. It
15:43
Speaker 1: feels it feels like it feels like love, It feels
15:46
Speaker 1: like heads and gets and all that stuff. It feels
15:49
Speaker 1: like Valentine's Day every day. So for them it may
15:51
Speaker 1: feel like that. But if for you the thing does
15:53
Speaker 1: not feel like that, that means that you should not
15:56
Speaker 1: necessarily go expending your consent in that direction. If for
15:59
Speaker 1: you more but I'll do this every now and then,
16:02
Speaker 1: but I can't commit to this all the time sort
16:04
Speaker 1: of thing, then that is the way that you do it.
16:06
Speaker 1: But if they can't respect your decision to say no,
16:10
Speaker 1: for me, that is a red ass flag. If you're
16:13
Speaker 1: if you're like, look, I am not into this thing
16:15
Speaker 1: that you are into, and you are in a space
16:18
Speaker 1: now where you are not accepting that you do not
16:20
Speaker 1: have consent, that is a problem for me. Well, it's
16:24
Speaker 1: not like worsting or manipulating or controlling or constantly being
16:30
Speaker 1: like do it, do it, do it? Do it you.
16:31
Speaker 1: If you loved me, you would do it. Um, if
16:34
Speaker 1: you wanted me to marry you, you would do it.
16:35
Speaker 1: Because those are forms of manipulation. Now he can make
16:39
Speaker 1: a decision for himself. If he's saying that that is
16:41
Speaker 1: a boundary that he will marry somebody who does not
16:44
Speaker 1: swallow or you know who won't catch them kids even
16:49
Speaker 1: if not swallow, um, then he gets to make that
16:55
Speaker 1: decision for himself. For him, that could be the line
16:57
Speaker 1: in the sand. But people tend to do it's trying
17:00
Speaker 1: to draw boundaries against other people's guarding. I'm looking like, no,
17:04
Speaker 1: your boundaries are for you. Your boundaries are not for others.
17:07
Speaker 1: So saying like, well, then you can't be over here
17:09
Speaker 1: if you won't do this I'm like, this is what
17:12
Speaker 1: I need. I see that you are unable to meet
17:15
Speaker 1: my need, but but we are not actolutely compatible. I
17:19
Speaker 1: hope that it's okay that we aren't waiting at this time. Yeah,
17:23
Speaker 1: because we would have a good sex and all that.
17:25
Speaker 1: So it is, that's just the one other thing. And yeah,
17:29
Speaker 1: I don't think that anybody should if that's your boundary
17:32
Speaker 1: and you're not saying no, you can't do this, I'll
17:34
Speaker 1: do it every once in a while. I don't think
17:35
Speaker 1: it's something that should happen all the time just because
17:37
Speaker 1: you say so. Absolutely nothing. I'm like, what works like
17:41
Speaker 1: that other than right? And look, you put some money,
17:46
Speaker 1: if you're a monetary value behind it. Now, maybe you
17:49
Speaker 1: can pay me to do it. I don't know, right,
17:58
Speaker 1: but is it. I'm looking like people already in a
18:03
Speaker 1: lot of ways paying the play, but we are asking
18:06
Speaker 1: people for emotional commitments to go with the sex. Trade
18:10
Speaker 1: you sex for some emotional commitment. I'll trade you this
18:14
Speaker 1: for that. I'm looking like, look, at the end of
18:15
Speaker 1: the day, everybody's selling something to somebody for something, right,
18:19
Speaker 1: and nothing wrong with that. It's about making sure that
18:22
Speaker 1: your needs are met and their needs are also being met.
18:24
Speaker 1: We're talking about just being in the space of mutual
18:28
Speaker 1: um respect as well as some level of reciprosity. Everybody
18:32
Speaker 1: is looking for something. It's not about like, oh, you
18:35
Speaker 1: hold yourself out. I mean, I mean technically you do
18:38
Speaker 1: that at work. You sell your body so that you
18:41
Speaker 1: can make money. I mean, and I'm talking about this
18:44
Speaker 1: jealous Miss Olivant already tell us us we listen to
18:47
Speaker 1: hotels right, Oh, how else out? But Mama, like, we
18:52
Speaker 1: already know everybody's doing something for something period. Hold on,
18:58
Speaker 1: before we get into anything else, Let's pay some bills
19:00
Speaker 1: real quick. So on our show, we had conversations about
19:08
Speaker 1: open marriages and polygamy, like what's your thoughts on the
19:11
Speaker 1: that polyamory, polygamy? However, this if someone wants to live
19:16
Speaker 1: their life, it's not really my business. That's one. That's
19:19
Speaker 1: what I believe. I believe that you should actually live
19:21
Speaker 1: your best life, and I have found it some of
19:24
Speaker 1: the most stable relationships that I see in therapy and
19:27
Speaker 1: that I see from you know, some of the folks
19:29
Speaker 1: that I wrock with are actually made up for three
19:31
Speaker 1: individuals or more so. They have they You have to
19:35
Speaker 1: have communication with your partner um none of that. Well,
19:39
Speaker 1: you shouldn't know none of that stuff. It's actually I
19:42
Speaker 1: talk about the things that I need in my relationship
19:45
Speaker 1: and I have my knees met. It also means that
19:47
Speaker 1: you know when you're with somebody and they have a
19:50
Speaker 1: whole different set of sex acts that they want to do,
19:52
Speaker 1: but you're like, oh, hell no, your third person, that
19:55
Speaker 1: person might be the one to be like yes everybody,
19:59
Speaker 1: but he didn't get someth do you come in exactly?
20:02
Speaker 1: Because it's just like you, we I think oftentimes we
20:07
Speaker 1: think that everybody, whoever that we're with, whoever our romantic
20:10
Speaker 1: partner is, should meet every single need that we have.
20:13
Speaker 1: Is unrealistic. It's not going to happen. Just like you
20:17
Speaker 1: don't hear everything you need from one friend, you have
20:20
Speaker 1: a bunch of different friends, right You're like, oh, well,
20:21
Speaker 1: this one I can talk to about this type of
20:23
Speaker 1: stuff because she's more resective. This one I could talk
20:25
Speaker 1: to about this stuff because he's more he's more cool
20:28
Speaker 1: with that, And this one I could talk about this
20:30
Speaker 1: because this is the thing, this is bair line. You
20:33
Speaker 1: can't talk about everything with everybody, So why do you
20:35
Speaker 1: expect your partner to now be the end all be
20:37
Speaker 1: all for everything possibly needs in a relationship. If we
20:42
Speaker 1: take up if we take romantic relationships off the damn
20:45
Speaker 1: pedi school because they do not belong up there, and
20:48
Speaker 1: put them in par with the other friendships and other
20:51
Speaker 1: types of relationships that we have, we will see that
20:53
Speaker 1: we are just meeting various needs that we have with
20:57
Speaker 1: various people. M hm uh. If we do the same
21:00
Speaker 1: thing within romantic spaces, we can have all of our
21:04
Speaker 1: needs met. So I think that it is very traditional
21:08
Speaker 1: in a sense, very Christian traditional to say one man,
21:11
Speaker 1: one woman in particular. But I'm like, if let's stop
21:15
Speaker 1: what you're rocking with, that's not what you're rocking with.
21:17
Speaker 1: So for some people it's very realistic. I think that
21:20
Speaker 1: that's but you, I'm rocking with what I rock with.
21:27
Speaker 1: I saw you not gry. I was trying to get
21:30
Speaker 1: dig in there. I am about to get married. Congratulations
21:34
Speaker 1: to you, thank you, thank you. Um. But for me
21:39
Speaker 1: and the thing, that's that's uh, you know, spacebook, we
21:42
Speaker 1: we navigate what it is that we are wanting in
21:45
Speaker 1: our relationships in a lot of ways. Some people would
21:47
Speaker 1: say that we're not traditional couple, um, just because of
21:50
Speaker 1: like earnings and who has more time, who, who's doing this,
21:56
Speaker 1: who's doing that. Some people will say that he would
21:58
Speaker 1: he was in a wrong space to a woman who
22:00
Speaker 1: doesn't want to have children. I am that woman. I
22:03
Speaker 1: don't want to have children. Um, maybe I'll changed my mind,
22:06
Speaker 1: maybe I want, but in this head moment, no, I'm
22:10
Speaker 1: quite all right on that. So, I mean, this is
22:13
Speaker 1: us cultivating the life that we want, and as a
22:16
Speaker 1: therapist my job, I'm just like, well, what kind of
22:19
Speaker 1: life do you actually want to have? Clients are now
22:23
Speaker 1: they are planning more around with like the idea of
22:26
Speaker 1: opening up relationships. They are um even exploring their own
22:31
Speaker 1: sexuality because so many people, I mean a lot of
22:33
Speaker 1: us were brought up in you gotta be straight type
22:36
Speaker 1: rhetoric and I'm not straight. I'm like, yes, I'm I'm
22:40
Speaker 1: with a I'm with a dude, but that doesn't change
22:43
Speaker 1: my identity from from being what I am to just
22:48
Speaker 1: because he's a dude. I don't. I'm just like, how
22:50
Speaker 1: did that work? I'm looking like, what's next? Transmucial I'm
22:53
Speaker 1: not so. I'm just I think that in building the
22:57
Speaker 1: life that you want to have for yourself, you have
23:00
Speaker 1: to be number one, cognizant of who you are and
23:03
Speaker 1: be willing to question that every day. What we know
23:07
Speaker 1: about ourselves right now, in this moment is going to change,
23:09
Speaker 1: right every time you learn something, every time you have
23:12
Speaker 1: a new hypocrite, somebody seeds or something you know, it
23:16
Speaker 1: takes plans, you start thinking about it, you want to
23:19
Speaker 1: learn more about it, and then you in your mind.
23:22
Speaker 1: And that's why I mean, if you're even gonna be
23:25
Speaker 1: in a relationship, being able to grow together as part
23:28
Speaker 1: of it. And I think that people forget the part
23:30
Speaker 1: where you grow and sometimes that growth may grow apart um,
23:34
Speaker 1: sometimes you grow closer together. But being able to determine
23:39
Speaker 1: um for yourself where it is that you want to go.
23:41
Speaker 1: I don't think there's anything wrong with that. So I am.
23:45
Speaker 1: I am open for people who are Polly, I am.
23:48
Speaker 1: I'm down to people who are who are not. I'm like,
23:51
Speaker 1: if you want to be monogymous, great, If you're not
23:53
Speaker 1: a monogonmous, also great. It's really about you doing what's
23:57
Speaker 1: best for you in your relationship. Absolutely agree. So let
24:02
Speaker 1: me ask you this because I masturbate a lot, because
24:04
Speaker 1: I don't have like a regular like. I don't have
24:07
Speaker 1: a consistent sex partner right now in my life, So
24:10
Speaker 1: I masturbate a lot. Am I fucking up my clitter? Is?
24:13
Speaker 1: When I do have a man, You gotta your own stuf.
24:21
Speaker 1: But I just like I used like toys and stuff
24:24
Speaker 1: like that, and I just concerned that like I'm like
24:28
Speaker 1: sucking my clitter is up desensitizing it. Yeah, but a
24:34
Speaker 1: lot of people think that right. Um, So really it's
24:39
Speaker 1: just like number one, Yes, can you temporarily numb the area, Yeah,
24:44
Speaker 1: but it'll also bounce back. So if it's like, oh
24:47
Speaker 1: I can't feel anything, then maybe lay off of it
24:50
Speaker 1: for a couple of days and it'll come right back
24:53
Speaker 1: and everything will be good all over again. Um. But
24:56
Speaker 1: the idea that you can over masturbate or that you
24:59
Speaker 1: can desensitize clutter is that's definitely just built in in live.
25:03
Speaker 1: I've been wondering where people like yo men make it up. Yeah,
25:11
Speaker 1: because if you can make yourself or a gas some
25:13
Speaker 1: harder than they cans and maybe they start feeling from
25:16
Speaker 1: type of back exactly, That's why they'd be hating on
25:18
Speaker 1: vibrators and ship who's got time to hate gonna vibrate?
25:23
Speaker 1: As they out there to help you, Yeah, packing and
25:27
Speaker 1: bring it to your house. Suck on my titties while
25:29
Speaker 1: I do this, Thank you. Littlemutual masturbation tis the month
25:35
Speaker 1: for it all I do it. I have a considers
25:41
Speaker 1: like her husband masturbating as cheating? Really is that? I
25:50
Speaker 1: don't see it as cheating? Do you see it as
25:52
Speaker 1: I guess it's just it depends on the parameters of
25:55
Speaker 1: your marriage. Yeah, but it definitely depends on the parameters
25:59
Speaker 1: of your own relations and ship. I would I would
26:01
Speaker 1: urge them to think about why why do you see
26:05
Speaker 1: your partner touching their own body as a form of cheating?
26:09
Speaker 1: What about it feels threatening to you? Um. I've even
26:13
Speaker 1: done a couple of videos on this on my Instagram. UM,
26:16
Speaker 1: because I talked about this type of stuff every May.
26:18
Speaker 1: When I started talking about masturbation, May somebody slides into
26:21
Speaker 1: my d NS and then just like, is it cheating
26:24
Speaker 1: if I masturbate? And I'm just like, I don't know.
26:26
Speaker 1: You gotta tell me what your relationship. Maybe he feels
26:29
Speaker 1: that way because if he's not sucking her and then
26:31
Speaker 1: you're in the bathroom every Tuesday or every day at
26:34
Speaker 1: six o'clock being your dick and you're not sucking me.
26:37
Speaker 1: That's that's the problem. If I am warning and willing
26:40
Speaker 1: to have sex with you, but you'd rather please yourself,
26:45
Speaker 1: that's a sex therapist issue, right to come. It very
26:48
Speaker 1: well could be a sex therapist issue. I have seen
26:51
Speaker 1: that issue come up for me. I'm more like I
26:54
Speaker 1: think that Number One, you should be able to masturbate
26:56
Speaker 1: to your heart's content, because sometimes masturbation is not necessarily
26:59
Speaker 1: about the thing that we think is about, right, So
27:02
Speaker 1: it's not always about the sexual piece of it. Sometimes
27:05
Speaker 1: it's just I need pleasure. Sometimes it's just I need
27:07
Speaker 1: a relief. Sometimes it's more about your mental health than
27:11
Speaker 1: it is about the physical need. Right, So you should
27:15
Speaker 1: be able to do the things that work best for
27:18
Speaker 1: you for your mental health and for your general well being.
27:21
Speaker 1: And for some people, masturbation is it and it's also
27:24
Speaker 1: mental health Awareness month. So to me, it is it,
27:27
Speaker 1: and I'm looking like it really is. It just runs
27:29
Speaker 1: the gam But if you're feeling like you're not getting
27:32
Speaker 1: the sex that you want, but your partner is is
27:35
Speaker 1: masturbating and you are not included, number one, that's a
27:38
Speaker 1: conversation to be had. See if you can insert yourself
27:41
Speaker 1: into their massurbatory practices like, hey, can I join you?
27:44
Speaker 1: Can I watch? Um? Can? Can I set the citties
27:48
Speaker 1: while you do that? You cannot unrest you while you
27:51
Speaker 1: do that? UMM? Being able to just bring each other together,
27:56
Speaker 1: like can't we masturbate together a little mutual mask? Can
27:58
Speaker 1: I masturbate you? Like? Let me let let me get
28:02
Speaker 1: involved in the massurbatory practice here. That is one way
28:05
Speaker 1: to sort of see if you can bridge the gap. UM.
28:08
Speaker 1: And I could be wondering what's going on in your
28:10
Speaker 1: relationship that your partner does not want to have sex
28:12
Speaker 1: with you, So you're worried about the self. So I'm
28:14
Speaker 1: looking like I'm worried about what else is going on
28:16
Speaker 1: in your relationship. So so then that's right. So that's
28:20
Speaker 1: my thing. Say something is wrong, but something could be
28:23
Speaker 1: wrong and you are completely unaware of it. Yeah, So
28:26
Speaker 1: for me, intimacy and I think for a lot of women,
28:29
Speaker 1: intimacy starts in the mind, like I want you to
28:31
Speaker 1: love on me all day long, not just right before
28:34
Speaker 1: you want to me when we get into bed at night.
28:36
Speaker 1: So we're constantly having disagreements, We're constantly arguing, and I
28:40
Speaker 1: feel like being in love is a state of mind.
28:42
Speaker 1: So you have to do things to continuously keep falling
28:45
Speaker 1: in love what you made, because it's easy to fall
28:48
Speaker 1: out of love and then you can fall back in
28:50
Speaker 1: love with that same person or you might go outside
28:52
Speaker 1: the relationship. Right, So we're constantly arguing and you still
28:56
Speaker 1: want sex even after argument. Sometimes men they don't care
29:00
Speaker 1: like they can be. I have to be happy to
29:02
Speaker 1: have sex. So we're constantly arguing that I'm mad, I
29:05
Speaker 1: don't want to have sex, don't touch me, and no,
29:08
Speaker 1: we're not right now physically in an argument, but I'm
29:10
Speaker 1: still pissed. And if you I don't want you to
29:12
Speaker 1: touch me, and if I let you do it, it's
29:14
Speaker 1: kind of rapey because I didn't want to do it
29:16
Speaker 1: in the first place. Now I'm just doing something because
29:18
Speaker 1: you want to do it, because I don't want my
29:20
Speaker 1: man to go to someone else for it. But I'm pissed.
29:23
Speaker 1: At the same time, I like, let's RhE um. If
29:34
Speaker 1: you won't do with somebody else, will I'm just going
29:36
Speaker 1: to go. You can go and you don't want don't
29:42
Speaker 1: get the rest of your relationship from them while you
29:44
Speaker 1: at it. Good Bye, pretty much, don't come back and talk.
29:49
Speaker 1: You see tam she thinks it's cool and start arguments
29:55
Speaker 1: so she can have makeup sex. I don't like that.
29:58
Speaker 1: Ship don't still argument with me because you wanna be
30:00
Speaker 1: sucking yourself for a month later. You gotta tell my
30:03
Speaker 1: bus Toxiana. That's why tell sex therapist dr. Sometimes I
30:12
Speaker 1: might might start a little friction just so we can
30:17
Speaker 1: have that kind of like forceful angry sex two times
30:23
Speaker 1: just won't play. I feel like it's not real. The
30:29
Speaker 1: anger ain't real. If it works for you and your partner,
30:36
Speaker 1: it well, I guess it didn't because me and the
30:39
Speaker 1: nigga ain't together no more so I guess it didn't work.
30:45
Speaker 1: But anyway, back to what you were saying, like um
30:48
Speaker 1: about like you know, wanting different types of intimacy. This
30:51
Speaker 1: book Write You Use Your Mouth by Shamira Howard Um.
30:57
Speaker 1: This book is, uh, it's amazing thing. You know, like
31:01
Speaker 1: it's small, it's pocket sized for your convenience, but it
31:05
Speaker 1: talks about seven different types of intimacy and it ends
31:08
Speaker 1: with sexual intimacy because for a lot of people, yeah,
31:12
Speaker 1: they do need those other pieces in order to feel
31:14
Speaker 1: like they can have the type of set that feels
31:16
Speaker 1: good and connected for them. And you write some people
31:20
Speaker 1: be like, um, we are not on the same page.
31:23
Speaker 1: You can keep your hands off my body. My body
31:25
Speaker 1: is mine. I'm not willing to share this. And then look,
31:28
Speaker 1: you all gotta do nothing just later, like how is
31:30
Speaker 1: that pleasurable for me? Like, first of all, you don't
31:33
Speaker 1: know how it feels to be penetrating, right, and then
31:35
Speaker 1: on top of me not even liking you right now?
31:39
Speaker 1: Hell like you will say any dagoning thing like so
31:46
Speaker 1: you want to masturbate but with my body right and
31:50
Speaker 1: to me like sex me interested in my participation and
31:53
Speaker 1: you're just interested in getting a nut. You could have
31:55
Speaker 1: done that with some note, with some lotion in your hands. Awesome,
32:00
Speaker 1: You can do it as many times as you like it.
32:01
Speaker 1: You don't have to involve me. You can go pocket pussy. Um,
32:06
Speaker 1: don't get yourself whatever toy it is that you need
32:08
Speaker 1: so that you can have some enjoyment. But right now
32:10
Speaker 1: my body is off, you have and if you be
32:14
Speaker 1: okay with that, like I said, I'm all about get
32:17
Speaker 1: the hell on. I brought my pocket pussy one time
32:20
Speaker 1: for real, Like, I bought him one because he was military,
32:23
Speaker 1: he was deployed, so I sent it in the care
32:25
Speaker 1: package with some deritos and ship the military girl. Them
32:34
Speaker 1: girls be a broad selling pussy. The few women hold on.
32:44
Speaker 1: Before we get into anything else, let's pay some bills
32:46
Speaker 1: real quick, all right, So let's get into colorism and texturism. Um,
32:56
Speaker 1: you wrote a book Cocoa Butter and Hair Grease and
32:59
Speaker 1: Self Love Ready through here in skin tell us about
33:02
Speaker 1: the book and what prompted you to create it. Um.
33:06
Speaker 1: The book is a work book. It's a twelve week
33:09
Speaker 1: plus work book. UM, really to get you thinking about
33:14
Speaker 1: your skin tone, your hair texture, the messages that you've
33:16
Speaker 1: received about them, and how those messages impact you at work,
33:20
Speaker 1: with your family, with lovers, and sort of breaking out
33:25
Speaker 1: of what those messages versa that you can replace some
33:27
Speaker 1: of these messages that feel better and more affirming for you. UM.
33:32
Speaker 1: And of course that has a really dope feeling shart
33:34
Speaker 1: in it. UM. Had that don't created because you don't
33:38
Speaker 1: find a feeling shart with black folks is difficult. So
33:41
Speaker 1: then we also decided we're just gonna put some black
33:43
Speaker 1: ass feelings in it, like, oh, I'm feeling myself. I
33:46
Speaker 1: wish a bitch would is it is? And my thing? Um,
33:54
Speaker 1: And the funk is also in there, like the funk.
33:59
Speaker 1: It's all on any notion the way I see it.
34:03
Speaker 1: But it was it was. It was created because um,
34:09
Speaker 1: there's there's a couple of clients in particular that ended
34:12
Speaker 1: up being like a lot of the basis for it.
34:14
Speaker 1: So before it was just a bunch of little sheets
34:16
Speaker 1: and homeworks that I gave them. And I told somebody
34:20
Speaker 1: that I had created a bunch of worksheets and things
34:22
Speaker 1: and they were like, you should put it in a book,
34:23
Speaker 1: and I said he and I had the whole thing
34:26
Speaker 1: basically outlined and mapped out in my in my Google drive.
34:30
Speaker 1: And somebody was like, yeah, she's writing a book. And
34:32
Speaker 1: I was like, what She's not told everybody I'm looking
34:36
Speaker 1: like it ended up on therapy for Black girls that
34:38
Speaker 1: I'm writing a book. I was like, I wasn't good.
34:41
Speaker 1: I guess I really now I gonna right. So I
34:46
Speaker 1: had the worksheets translated and you know, done into something
34:50
Speaker 1: that was a little bit prettier and bound together. But
34:54
Speaker 1: the one of the clients was just like, I'm dark,
34:57
Speaker 1: I'm fat, and I'm nappy. Who the funk on one me?
35:01
Speaker 1: And this was part of the justification for staying in
35:04
Speaker 1: an abusive relationship that that, well, who else is going
35:10
Speaker 1: to want me? I have to accept what I what
35:13
Speaker 1: I got, and we have to keep in mind that
35:15
Speaker 1: like people say all the time, though, right, and we've
35:18
Speaker 1: already normalized it, so we'll be like, oh, they're acting
35:21
Speaker 1: real light skin, what does that mean? Say, oh, they're
35:25
Speaker 1: acting light skin. You need to remember what color you
35:27
Speaker 1: are you're acting light skin? Oh, dark skinned women are
35:30
Speaker 1: not to have standards. Only light skinned women are allowed
35:33
Speaker 1: to have standards. Like, it just becomes this whole big
35:38
Speaker 1: gass thing where I feel like dark skinned people are
35:41
Speaker 1: consistently being gas lit and to believing that their experience
35:45
Speaker 1: is not their experience. So somebody has to talk to
35:49
Speaker 1: dark skinned people, and I decided it was gonna be me, okay,
35:53
Speaker 1: And as much as I love hearing from light skin
35:55
Speaker 1: folks who talk about colors and textualism and a looking like,
35:58
Speaker 1: there are a lot of dark skinned people that you
36:00
Speaker 1: don't hear who also talk about this, who will never
36:03
Speaker 1: be on the same programming, who will never be at
36:06
Speaker 1: the front. So I want to get into textualism because
36:09
Speaker 1: there's a lot of isms out here. But I never
36:11
Speaker 1: realized that textualism was a thing. So I always make
36:16
Speaker 1: jokes that, you know, if all black women had like loose,
36:19
Speaker 1: like like had his hairless right this nice Indian bundles
36:22
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be selling soon anyway. So if all women,
36:26
Speaker 1: all black women had like heir like this, I think
36:28
Speaker 1: men love here like they want to be able to
36:30
Speaker 1: touch our hair, and they can't write a lot of
36:32
Speaker 1: times they can't just rub their things through our natural
36:35
Speaker 1: heir and touch our scalp. I always make a joke
36:37
Speaker 1: that if all black women had long curly hair, we
36:40
Speaker 1: would keep we would like our men wouldn't be going
36:43
Speaker 1: outside of community because they're so in love with here,
36:47
Speaker 1: but we were we or you know, if you have
36:50
Speaker 1: forcy here like I do, Like you're not just sticking
36:52
Speaker 1: your fingers to that. No, I got that force myself,
36:57
Speaker 1: I mean from and I'm like, put your hands in there.
37:02
Speaker 1: I'll fix the frow later, like come on, um, because
37:06
Speaker 1: I I personally I don't like to divorce myself from
37:09
Speaker 1: that bit of pleasure that comes with someone playing in
37:12
Speaker 1: your hair so on you know, massaging your scal or
37:15
Speaker 1: even especially within sex act, someone's like there's all that's
37:18
Speaker 1: so many beautiful nerves and things right there. I'm just like,
37:21
Speaker 1: I don't deny it myself any of those things. Um,
37:25
Speaker 1: but I mean this idea of touchable hair, it usually
37:31
Speaker 1: grew for me. I remember like those herbal Essences commercials
37:34
Speaker 1: growing up, where they'd be like, yes, yes, yes, I
37:38
Speaker 1: have this wavy, long hair, and it's supposed to be
37:41
Speaker 1: shiny and movable and all that other stuff, and the
37:45
Speaker 1: advertising of sex hair or bed hair, and it's supposed
37:50
Speaker 1: to be the sexy sort of hair that happens when
37:52
Speaker 1: you have naturally straight hair. I think that for a
37:55
Speaker 1: lot of it is just we need to rewrite the
37:58
Speaker 1: script um. Natural hair is not unattractive. Natural hair is
38:02
Speaker 1: not unmanageable. Natural hair is not even any more difficult
38:06
Speaker 1: to manage. But because most of us have learned how
38:09
Speaker 1: to manage straight hair, we think of our own hair
38:11
Speaker 1: is being unmanageable. I'm like, no, your hair won't do
38:15
Speaker 1: the thing that you're trying to make it do that
38:17
Speaker 1: straight hair does, which is not the same thing as
38:19
Speaker 1: saying that your hair is unmanageable. I don't know how
38:22
Speaker 1: to manage it sounds more accurate, right, It's not unmanageable.
38:27
Speaker 1: You just don't know how to manage it. Yeah, it's
38:32
Speaker 1: not supposed to do exactly. I'm looking like, I'm how
38:35
Speaker 1: am I supposed to get a mussy bun? I can't
38:37
Speaker 1: get non messy. But I can't wake up and just
38:39
Speaker 1: gather my natural hair and just stick it in some
38:41
Speaker 1: sort of messy But I'm like, look, that's not my life,
38:44
Speaker 1: my hair, don't do that. I know that I need
38:46
Speaker 1: water in a brush. I will just look a mess
38:51
Speaker 1: it won't be a messy bun. But even then, letting
38:57
Speaker 1: that be okay. But we get caught up and um,
39:02
Speaker 1: and this is, you know, again the thing our product
39:04
Speaker 1: of white supremacy that says that black people are subferior.
39:10
Speaker 1: You know, that their inferior to white folks, and that
39:13
Speaker 1: we have to work twice as hard to make ourselves
39:16
Speaker 1: presentable to be acceptable in space. So we are constantly,
39:21
Speaker 1: i think, in a lot of ways, erasing pieces of
39:23
Speaker 1: who we are in order to meet that. I mean,
39:26
Speaker 1: it was a couple of years ago that H and
39:28
Speaker 1: M had the little girl who with the same sort
39:31
Speaker 1: of messy hair that the front that the other people had,
39:33
Speaker 1: but she had a different hand texture, and people got
39:36
Speaker 1: up in arms and I'm just like you're trying. That's
39:39
Speaker 1: what hair yea it is. It's supposed to be about
39:42
Speaker 1: kids at play. How they do black blue ivy Yeah,
39:46
Speaker 1: same thing, how they were doing. Yeah, now that her
39:50
Speaker 1: hair is long and flourished, and they're okay because we
39:53
Speaker 1: like it when hair sticks to some level of Eurocentric standards.
39:57
Speaker 1: We want the hair to be long, we want the
39:59
Speaker 1: hay hair to be straighter, we want the hair to
40:02
Speaker 1: constantly be done. And I'm just like, nobody is constantly together,
40:07
Speaker 1: but we feel like we have to constantly put on someone.
40:10
Speaker 1: Like we're so used to code switching. We code with
40:13
Speaker 1: without hair, be codes with with our clothes. We do
40:15
Speaker 1: it with our voices. We got our white voice when
40:17
Speaker 1: we answer the phone. I mean, we're doing all of
40:19
Speaker 1: this stuff all the time, and I'm just like number one,
40:23
Speaker 1: it's exhausting and number too intensively to certain levels of
40:26
Speaker 1: anxiety and depression because you're separating yourself from yourself. At
40:31
Speaker 1: some point, we have to learn to like what is
40:32
Speaker 1: already ours and the way that your hair grows out
40:35
Speaker 1: of here. There's nothing wrong with it, it's just society's
40:39
Speaker 1: view of what is considered to be acceptable and not
40:41
Speaker 1: acceptable and society's view as white supremacies. As fuck, there's nothing.
40:46
Speaker 1: There's not very much that black people can do to
40:48
Speaker 1: be considered acceptable. You have to change almost everything about
40:51
Speaker 1: who you are in order for someone to say that
40:53
Speaker 1: you're acceptable and just acceptable, not desirable, not the best.
40:58
Speaker 1: Just do you just barely met the bar? M right,
41:03
Speaker 1: let's stop. Stop, Let's talk about some more sex before
41:06
Speaker 1: you go, because that should getting too deep. Man. Listen, um,
41:16
Speaker 1: what dumb story? All right? So no, we gotta ask you.
41:22
Speaker 1: All right, we have a segment called dumb Bitch story, right,
41:25
Speaker 1: and it's just you know, we've all been to dumb
41:27
Speaker 1: bitch once or twice in our life for whatever reason.
41:30
Speaker 1: Can you think of a time where you felt like, damn,
41:34
Speaker 1: I was stupid? Like there are several times I'm like,
41:38
Speaker 1: damn that was that was? Oh goodness. See put me
41:45
Speaker 1: on a stone out Like you think I'm gonna read,
41:49
Speaker 1: I'm gonna read one from a listener who sent there's
41:52
Speaker 1: in and we can discuss theirs, and if you come
41:54
Speaker 1: up with one, you can share it at the end
41:57
Speaker 1: stories because evolved in the dumb Bitch at least it's twice,
42:03
Speaker 1: all right, So listen to this This is from Megan Um.
42:08
Speaker 1: I was riding in the car with my boyfriend. We
42:10
Speaker 1: were on the way to the beach. His phone rang
42:13
Speaker 1: and he didn't recognize the number, so he answered. When
42:15
Speaker 1: he answered, he had the audacity to be laughing and
42:18
Speaker 1: giggling and ship. So I'm in the passenger seat getting
42:21
Speaker 1: piste off. He hangs up the phone and I go off.
42:25
Speaker 1: I'm asking him who he was talking to, and he
42:28
Speaker 1: ignores me. That pissed me off even more so to
42:31
Speaker 1: get his attention, I grabbed the steering wheel and accidentally
42:35
Speaker 1: turned it and we ran off the road and we
42:37
Speaker 1: went into the embankment. Long story short, the police came
42:41
Speaker 1: and it was his mom who was actually on the
42:43
Speaker 1: phone and was calling from a different number, not another girl.
42:47
Speaker 1: He called his friend to pick him up, and he
42:49
Speaker 1: left me with my car on the side of the
42:50
Speaker 1: inter state with triple A and the police. Now he
42:53
Speaker 1: won't answer my calls. What can I do to get
42:56
Speaker 1: my nigga back? As he showed your whole, your whole,
43:04
Speaker 1: I'm grab the steering away the person that you don't trust.
43:08
Speaker 1: You'll asses off the fucking road to prove a point
43:12
Speaker 1: literally and figuratively, road. You know, you could have died,
43:17
Speaker 1: So you could have died listening to anybody who thinks
43:21
Speaker 1: that's cute to grab the steering wheel to get a
43:23
Speaker 1: niggerd attention. Don't do that. Don't do that. It's never
43:26
Speaker 1: that serious. You don't deserve your back. You don't deserve
43:31
Speaker 1: your back, and then you could possibly go to jail.
43:33
Speaker 1: He's still gonna be fucking bitches out here. Yeah, you
43:42
Speaker 1: were definitely a dumb bitch. Like that was very zelius.
43:46
Speaker 1: I was just like, that was that was not the
43:49
Speaker 1: move at all. I'm just like, what did you give
43:52
Speaker 1: him that you put your own car in an embankment
43:54
Speaker 1: and now you gotta pay your fil a and now
43:56
Speaker 1: you got I'm like, oh no, oh no, no, no,
44:01
Speaker 1: hell to the no, no, no, so dumb you are
44:04
Speaker 1: really gone. That was definitely you are dumb bitch for that.
44:09
Speaker 1: Hopefully you've learned your lesson and you don't deserve him back,
44:13
Speaker 1: you don't. You just gotta find somebody else. And he
44:16
Speaker 1: still might not. He still might be a ain't ship dude,
44:19
Speaker 1: He's still himself. I'm just like, but if you're feeling
44:22
Speaker 1: that insecure in your relationship, maybe if you have a conversation.
44:28
Speaker 1: Maybe you leave, but definitely we're not running ourselves off
44:32
Speaker 1: the damn road line. God, damn food. You're crazy. We
44:39
Speaker 1: need to get it. You are a dumb bitch. Drop No,
44:42
Speaker 1: that that's not even that might be a crazy bitch crazy.
44:46
Speaker 1: You are crazy, dumb bitch. I'm just like you. You
44:52
Speaker 1: didn't think that was okay that level. You're about to
45:02
Speaker 1: get married. She didn't trying to put her business out
45:04
Speaker 1: here anyway. Alright, final question, you've accomplished so much. What's
45:11
Speaker 1: next that we can expect for Dr Oreo? Well, Uh, well,
45:18
Speaker 1: I am currently writing a book the same for black women.
45:23
Speaker 1: Um We're gonna see how that go. Because I'm busy.
45:27
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm team going to the much sometimes. Um,
45:32
Speaker 1: So I guess that's what you what you can expect
45:35
Speaker 1: between that, Okay, I'm looking forward. We're gonna be looking
45:39
Speaker 1: for that for sure. Look, I've been trying to write
45:41
Speaker 1: a book since two thousand eleven, so maybe we can
45:43
Speaker 1: challenge each other. I've been trying to write a book. Uh,
45:48
Speaker 1: Instruction Guide to the Black Man is what I've been
45:51
Speaker 1: trying to write. But you know, I need a lot
45:53
Speaker 1: of research with some ship like that. So I've been
45:55
Speaker 1: I have fucking niggas and trying to figure it out,
46:03
Speaker 1: trying to get some primary data. You really should you
46:06
Speaker 1: should focus on that. A J. I really want to
46:09
Speaker 1: see that book come from you and Dr Orio Well,
46:11
Speaker 1: I would love to get that book about We need that.
46:14
Speaker 1: We need both of them. So yeah, but I'm like,
46:18
Speaker 1: I'm gonna I'm gonna beat that book. So um, We're
46:20
Speaker 1: just gonna be done, all right. We can challenge each
46:23
Speaker 1: other each other, maybe we can. Maybe I'll finish it
46:26
Speaker 1: this year. I'll just say that it'll be I got
46:32
Speaker 1: in town, I got ten more chapters to go. I've
46:35
Speaker 1: already outlined the books. I mean, I just gotta I
46:38
Speaker 1: really gotta get the right am is you know time
46:42
Speaker 1: the name of the book that you already have out
46:44
Speaker 1: so our listeners can go purchase it. It is Cocoa
46:47
Speaker 1: Butter and Hair Grease and Stuff Love Join Me Through
46:50
Speaker 1: Hair and Skin. It's available on Amazon, I think it
46:53
Speaker 1: might be on barn to Noble and it's um. You
46:56
Speaker 1: can also get it from my website, Coco Buttter and
46:58
Speaker 1: Hair Grease dot com. Is there coloring in it? Because
47:01
Speaker 1: if it's some coloring in there, I'm going to get
47:04
Speaker 1: it along couple up there here. Oh bitch, I'm sold.
47:09
Speaker 1: I'm going to get it. I like color because I
47:14
Speaker 1: like there's a couple of cross words color and pages. Yeah.
47:19
Speaker 1: I was just like, oh yeah, oh yeah, I want
47:22
Speaker 1: to buy it. We really, really, really really appreciate you
47:26
Speaker 1: pulling up on us. This is a great episode. Thank you.
47:31
Speaker 1: You got to come back when you get that that
47:34
Speaker 1: second book together, Come on back and let's talk about it. Okay, absolutely,
47:39
Speaker 1: let's do it, all right, all right, thank you, thank you.
47:46
Speaker 1: Apparently my vagina works based on what Dr yo Will
47:51
Speaker 1: has to say, So that's good works. Okay, just tin
48:01
Speaker 1: still in the game. Yeah, so we get to learn.
48:04
Speaker 1: We got to learn about textures, in which I never
48:06
Speaker 1: knew was a thing until now. I kind of knew,
48:11
Speaker 1: but I didn't know it was a word for it.
48:13
Speaker 1: Right we all obviously we know like discrimination based on
48:17
Speaker 1: hair is a real thing, but they gotta word for
48:21
Speaker 1: every goddamn thing. I got ugly feet. What they call
48:25
Speaker 1: it foodism? A bit should be picking up rocks and
48:29
Speaker 1: throwing them, I mean picking sam out the stream with
48:34
Speaker 1: my feet, just grabbing them out like a bear. Be
48:47
Speaker 1: more careful, I could you know, I compare myself to
48:52
Speaker 1: an animal every episode. As of lately, it's been a fish,
48:56
Speaker 1: a bear. When were you? When were you a bear?
49:02
Speaker 1: Just now I said, like a bear? Snatch your stands.
49:08
Speaker 1: But I definitely enjoyed the therapist. Listen. I don't want
49:12
Speaker 1: her to leave because I had some more fucking questions
49:15
Speaker 1: on my dad. Have no pad so I could get
49:17
Speaker 1: my free hours worth of therapy right quick. But you
49:20
Speaker 1: was rushing it. I was. We talked for a long time.
49:24
Speaker 1: She's that lady had to go. She had time for yo.
49:27
Speaker 1: You're trying to take advantage of her free information. I'm
49:34
Speaker 1: gonna get her book, though, I'm gonna buy it for
49:35
Speaker 1: everybody like and put it in their Christmas gifts. I
49:38
Speaker 1: think that would be a nice Christmas gift everybody. Yeah,
49:42
Speaker 1: you know, I'm all about buying a self help book
49:44
Speaker 1: for bitches and if this will make your pussies better.
49:51
Speaker 1: Take a while for me to even touch a book.
49:53
Speaker 1: So I know all the books out and gave you,
49:55
Speaker 1: they probably collected dust at your house. I might not
49:59
Speaker 1: buy your this one. Keep I like by your vibrator
50:04
Speaker 1: in no book, So look, I don't know if so
50:07
Speaker 1: I bought me the Roads off a group on. I
50:10
Speaker 1: just don't know if it's authentic though. Is it sucking
50:16
Speaker 1: or is it shooting out here? Oh no, I don't
50:21
Speaker 1: know if it's doing it the right way or not.
50:23
Speaker 1: It's weird. Is it going like this is hard though?
50:29
Speaker 1: It's not doing it hard? Which one the first? Yeah,
50:34
Speaker 1: it's suck a little bit, but it's not hard. I
50:38
Speaker 1: think I got the strong ship. They're pushing me hard.
50:44
Speaker 1: Look shut up, so listen. If you guys enjoyed this
50:47
Speaker 1: week's episode, please tune in every Thursday on the I
50:51
Speaker 1: Heart Radio app or wherever the fun you get your
50:54
Speaker 1: podcasts at. Also, we need all the Dumber Stories, all
50:59
Speaker 1: Attempts series, all the ask the Black Friend questions from
51:04
Speaker 1: our other listeners. You guys can email us at we
51:08
Speaker 1: Talk Back, p o D at gmail dot com. And
51:11
Speaker 1: this is your girl a J. And it's Tam Bam.
51:14
Speaker 1: I love y'all. Biekout