Latest / Darren “Whackhead” Simpson’s prank calls on Kfm Mornings / Whackhead Prank: Senseless survey – do crabs think that fish can fly?

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Whackhead Prank: Senseless survey – do crabs think that fish can fly? · Darren “Whackhead” Simpson’s prank calls on Kfm Mornings

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: It's potential from Samba here on KFM Mornings. Ten minutes
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: after 8 o'clock, the Senseless Survey is on. Next.
• 0:07
  Speaker 2: Uh-oh.
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: Here we go. Here we go.
• 0:10
  Speaker 3: Here is another Senseless Survey from Darren Wackhead Simpson on
• 0:15
  Speaker 3: KFM Mornings.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: KFM Mornings. Okay, gather round. It's time for the Madlunga
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: Commission of Questions. It's just never-ending.
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: Senseless Survey has been as.
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: It's gone on as long as Madlanga, it feels. No, no, no. Longer. Yes.
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: This census survey has outlived all the commissions.
• 0:40
  Speaker 3: All of them.
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: We've had so many commissions in this place. The questions
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: just never end. What was the last commission that we
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: had before Madlanga? Vanus, you might know. That last one
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: with the Bosasta stuff. I can't remember that. Remember that one. Yeah,
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: I would have to. Yeah, you see, it's that sort
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: of frivolous. It's all a blur. Yeah. Okay, so here
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: we go. Senseless survey this morning. Asking a random person
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: a whole bunch of questions, see how long they can last.
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: Until they put the phone down. Let's start with you, Sibs.
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: How many questions? Ten questions. Ten? Good guess.
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: Oh.
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: Ramith? 11 questions. 11 questions. Producer Brad?
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: 14.
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: 14. Inspector Clutha Collison?
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: I'm going to go with 8, and it was the
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: Zondo Commission you were thinking of.
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: The Zondo Commission. Yes. I'll file that away. And now
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: I'm going to ask you another question. What was the
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: commission before that? Oh, man.
• 1:46
  Speaker 3: Oh.
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: I don't know. There was one before that as well.
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: There were so many. You know, there's always like one.
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: There's always a commission in place in South Africa. Put
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: it in the pop quiz tomorrow. Yeah. Yeah. Know your commissions, people.
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: List five commissions. There was the Nugent. Nugent commission. Many,
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: many commissions. Okay, let's get to the matter at hand
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: right now. No more takers on the WhatsApp telephone. Let's
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: see how well this one goes. Here is the senseless server.
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: Thank you for calling. Good morning, ma'am. I'm agent 31962.
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: I'm calling you from the senseless bureau. I just need
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: to ask you a few questions for your country that
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: you forgot to answer on the form. Oh, okay. First question,
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: is clapping just hitting yourself repeatedly because you like something?
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: I clap, yeah, I clap because I like something.
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: Ma'am, how many slices of pizza have you eaten in
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: your whole life? In my life? Yes, in total.
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: That one I'm not sure.
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: 1150. Do crabs think that fish can fly? Yeah. Are
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: fire trucks actually just water trucks? That one I'm not sure.
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: If a morgue worker died, isn't it ironic that they'd
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: still need to come to work one more time?
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: No, because he died.
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: Yes. Is it don't judge a book by its cover
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: or love at first sight?
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: It's also perfect. They both make sense.
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: Should somebody start a company called Linked Out so that
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: the rest of us can avoid bad companies and managers?
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: Yes, I think so.
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: Ma'am, do you know that you must never cry or
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: be sad on your days off? Cry during business hours
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: and get paid for your sadness.
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: No, I shouldn't be sad.
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: Is mowing your lawn like giving your property a haircut?
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: That one I'm not sure.
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: Ma'am, if animals could talk, which species would be the rudest?
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: Maybe a frog.
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: Is a burrito just a sleeping bag for meat?
• 4:30
  Speaker 3: No.
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: Okay, sorry. I'm too busy.
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: I gotta go.
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: Let's put down on that one. It makes me uncomfortable.
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: I don't know why. It does. Because sleeping bags never
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: seem clean. They clean once. Don't think about it too hard.
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: Otherwise, you're not going to enjoy it.
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: They only clean for one sleep. Like, never ask somebody
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: if you can use their sleeping bag for your camping trip.
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: There's just some things where... they're functional but if you
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: think too deeply about it you're not going to be
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: able to use.
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: It like think about this would you go like.
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: Toasters I don't want to think too deeply about.
• 5:11
  Speaker 3: Toasters either I would use your toaster but I would
• 5:14
  Speaker 3: not use your sleeping bag think about this the same
• 5:17
  Speaker 3: thing using somebody's sleeping bag would you go and sleep
• 5:21
  Speaker 3: in their bed so like I'll speak for myself single
• 5:25
  Speaker 3: guy would you go sleep in my bed when I
• 5:28
  Speaker 3: was single where I hadn't washed the sheets for two years.
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: Hell no But now, two years, that is safer than
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: me being cold. And in the case of a sleeping bag,
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: being exposed to the elements, right?
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: So it's like you've got to weigh it up. We're
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: in survival mode. Not even two weeks, let alone two years.
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: I'm thinking back to when I was young and single.
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: Why did you wash your sheets off? Rameez, are you
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: the same? No, no, I would not. I'd rather get cold. No,
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: but did you wash your sheets? Oh, no, I did.
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: I have domestic guys once a week. So you were
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: balling as a single guy. Some things you must prioritize, yeah.
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: You can't, you can't, you can't. Well, that was never
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: a priority. You see that? Your poor skin. I just
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: didn't know. What does it smell like in that room?
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: I don't know because it's, you know, it's your smell.
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: You get used to it. Home time. This is eau
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: de demi. Eau de demi. Your skin flakes and your drool.
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: I never knew anything about that stuff when I was
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: footloose and fancy free. Okay. Well, there it is. That
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: is your... A lot of deep questions, yeah. Senseless survey.
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: By the way, just in commissions, Madlanga Commission, Zondo Commission. Marikana. Marikana.
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: I just thought of it as we finished the chat.
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: Jinwala Commission.
• 7:08
  Speaker 3: What's that?
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: Oh, there were so many.
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: Yo. The Jinwala Commission was about public prosecutions. Vusi Pikoli, 2007.
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: The arms procurement. Yes, there was that commission. The arms one, yeah.
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: There was also a Kyle Leacher one. Kyle Leacher commission. Okay.
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: Too many to mention. We need to get into the
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: business of commissions. What would you do there, Darren? I
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: would take a lot of money and listen to stories.
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: And then we set up for the next one. Simple as.
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: Don't you know the formula by now? Easy. It's West
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: Laugh with Uptown Girl here on KFM Mornings. All right, Jill,
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: good morning and welcome to the Wheel of Joy.
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: Morning.
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: Hello, Jill. Hello.
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: Hello.
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: Hello.
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: Hello, team.
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: Hello, Jill. Okay, we've got you loud and clear here.
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: All right, give me the first formality here. How many
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: questions did I ask in the census survey?
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: That would be 11.
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: That would be the correct answer, Jill. Yes. Okay. Let's
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: spin that wheel for you. How do you want it?
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: Fast or slow, left or right?
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: Fast, left.
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: Fast and left. Here we go. Let's give it a
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: whip around. Come on, Liz. You see, we're in our...
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: B studio and I'm just going with my fingers crossed
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: that it's going to automatically spin in our A studio,
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: our main studio. Okay. Okay, but I can't hear anything. So, look, Jill,
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: is there anything in particular that you'd like on our
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: Wheel of Joy? I would love The Bruno Mars LP
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: from my husband's collection. Well, it is all yours, Jill.
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: It is all yours. Oh, Jill, you snatched it up
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: from under us.
• 8:59
  Speaker 3: Nice.
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: Yes, yes.
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: He's going to be ecstatic.
• 9:03
  Speaker 3: Oh, gosh.
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: So has he got a whole.
• 9:05
  Speaker 3: He loves his music.
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: And has he got a whole collection of vinyls?
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: He's got a whole.
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: Collection of vinyls.
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: He's got two turntables. You should pop it out. Maybe
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: you two can.
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: Say some alphabets. Oh, I like, I like. Little play date. Yes.
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: I'll bring mine and he can bring his.
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: That's so cute.
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: I'll show you mine. I'll show you mine if you
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: show me yours, game.
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: We'll need you to go for some coffee somewhere. All right, Joel.
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: It'll be ours.
• 9:36
  Speaker 2: Yes, perfect.
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: Okay, well, that's brilliant. Okay, so there we go. Somebody
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: who actually wants the Bruno Mars vinyl record. It comes
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: with a nice bag.
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: I'm going to be so excited.
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: And let me tell you, if you were to buy
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: this thing, it's over $ 1, 000 just for one record. It's unbelievable,
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: but that's what they cost nowadays. Okay. Well, enjoy. Thanks, Jill.
• 9:58
  Speaker 3: Thanks so much.
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: Cheers. Bye-bye.