Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #192 Making Mornings Magic Replay

Transcript

#192 Making Mornings Magic Replay · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

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  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the
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  Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers.
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  Speaker 2: Now, I guess a tip for moms in particular is
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  Speaker 2: not necessarily believing children.
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  Speaker 3: When they say they know exactly where it all lives.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, we've actually learned that there's two very important words
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  Speaker 4: to say right then.
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  Speaker 3: And that is show me.
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  Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mom
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  Speaker 1: and dad.
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  Speaker 4: Hello, this is doctor Justin Coulson. Surviving as school goes back.
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  Speaker 4: In fact, it's such a relief. I'm going to be honest.
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  Speaker 4: I mentioned on Monday, and I'm not even kidding. I'm
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  Speaker 4: relieved that the kids are back at school. If you're
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  Speaker 4: in New South Wales, Act or WA next week, the
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  Speaker 4: relief arrives for you. And I know that as soon
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  Speaker 4: as I say that, somebody's going to say, oh, but
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  Speaker 4: I love holidays with.
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  Speaker 2: The kids, and let's face it, we do.
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  Speaker 4: Usually we do too, But we're at the end of
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  Speaker 4: it and now we're so glad that the kids are
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  Speaker 4: back and it was just getting a bit. It's so
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  Speaker 4: hard for parents who don't have the flexibility to be
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  Speaker 4: at home with their kids. But mornings, my goodness, mornings
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  Speaker 4: are so challenging. Oh, by the way, I should mention,
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  Speaker 4: I'm here with my wife and podcasts partner, missus Happy Families, Kylie.
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  Speaker 4: She's the mom to our six daughters.
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  Speaker 2: Hey, I want to read a review that came through
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  Speaker 2: during the holidays from Mandy Kay. She says, thanks Justin
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  Speaker 2: and Kylie for helping families on such a diverse range
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  Speaker 2: of topics. I always feel more positive and hopeful about
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  Speaker 2: my parenting journey after listening to your podcast. You come
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  Speaker 2: from experience and speak in relatable terms. All parents want
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  Speaker 2: to do better, and you are making a difference.
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  Speaker 4: Five stars. Thanks many, Kay. We appreciate that. And it's
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  Speaker 4: the reviews that you leave that help other people to
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  Speaker 4: find the podcast and make their families happier. So thank
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  Speaker 4: you so much for doing that. Can we invite you
• 1:44
  Speaker 4: to jump on too, Apple Podcasts and do That'll take
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  Speaker 4: you about two minutes, and it just it makes such
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  Speaker 4: a difference for getting the podcast out there. We've, as
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  Speaker 4: I was saying before, had a lot of people sort
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  Speaker 4: of saying it's great the kids going back, But my goodness,
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  Speaker 4: it's been a disaster so far, and nothing went right.
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  Speaker 3: On day one.
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  Speaker 4: The kids were upset they slept in. There were dramas,
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  Speaker 4: it was a hassle, and it was challenging and all
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  Speaker 4: that kind of thing. And so what we thought we
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  Speaker 4: would do today is dive back into the archives and
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  Speaker 4: share with you one of the most popular podcasts we've
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  Speaker 4: ever recorded.
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  Speaker 3: It's called Making Morning's Magic.
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  Speaker 4: It's based off a New York Times article that I
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  Speaker 4: wrote a couple of years ago, and I reckon now
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  Speaker 4: that the school routine is back in full swing, this
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  Speaker 4: is going to be one very helpful podcast episode.
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  Speaker 2: So whether or not you've heard it before or you're
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  Speaker 2: listening to it for the first time, I think you're
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  Speaker 2: going to gain a lot of perspective from it.
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  Speaker 4: For those who are not familiar with what's in twenty
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  Speaker 4: one days to a happy family. In the bucket metaphor, basically,
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  Speaker 4: your relationship is a bucket, and our job is to
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  Speaker 4: fill our children's buckets with connection. And metaphorically, that's the
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  Speaker 4: water that goes into a bucket. Like you don't want
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  Speaker 4: a bucket full of air, you want a bucket full
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  Speaker 4: of water. That's what buckets are for for carrying water.
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  Speaker 4: So the water is represented by connection and the air
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  Speaker 4: well that's correction and direction. So the question pretty much
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  Speaker 4: is this morning, how much time do you spend connecting
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  Speaker 4: and correcting versus connecting? And I think as we sort of,
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  Speaker 4: you know, we'll talk about the morning routines and stuff
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  Speaker 4: in a sec I think that if we can get
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  Speaker 4: good quality connection into our mornings, which is, let's face it,
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  Speaker 4: missing from most people's mornings most of the time because
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  Speaker 4: there's so much to do and so little time to
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  Speaker 4: get it done. We spend all of our mornings correcting
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  Speaker 4: and directing, and we wonder why our relationships allows you
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  Speaker 4: in the mornings.
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  Speaker 2: Well, we find our children kind of you know, get
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  Speaker 2: sidetracked along the way. Don't they start really well, but
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  Speaker 2: they get a bit sidetracked. Do we constantly having to
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  Speaker 2: redirect them back to what they need to do?
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  Speaker 3: So that's where that metaphor comes from.
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  Speaker 4: And I reckon that if we keep that in mind
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  Speaker 4: as we talk about what we're going to talk about
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  Speaker 4: today in terms of making our mornings magical, that is
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  Speaker 4: probably going to be.
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  Speaker 3: One of the most important things that we can do.
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  Speaker 2: I was thinking that tapping into that, as much as
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  Speaker 2: we talked about being we your feet are, is just
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  Speaker 2: as important because when you think about all of the
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  Speaker 2: things that you're doing in the morning, you're actually not
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  Speaker 2: right where you are. You're thinking about everything that needs
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  Speaker 2: to be done and the need to hurry because you
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  Speaker 2: know you've got to get them out the door and
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  Speaker 2: get them to school, and then you've either got to
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  Speaker 2: go off to work or come home, and you know,
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  Speaker 2: do all of the enormous list of ongoing chores that
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  Speaker 2: just never seem to you, never seem to be able
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  Speaker 2: to get through. And so being where your feet are
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  Speaker 2: is actually going to help slow your thinking down and
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  Speaker 2: the way you interact with your children.
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  Speaker 4: I think it's fair to say that we've had our
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  Speaker 4: fair share of pretty average mornings, which is why we're
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  Speaker 4: pretty passionate about getting mornings right.
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  Speaker 3: Well.
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  Speaker 2: If you were listening to the podcast on Friday, we
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  Speaker 2: gave you a bird's eye view of a morning that
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  Speaker 2: hasn't gone so well.
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  Speaker 3: The short version is that the morning went like this.
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  Speaker 3: I woke up early.
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  Speaker 1: Now.
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  Speaker 4: We were exhausted because our year twelve daughter had her
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  Speaker 4: form all the night before, which meant that we got
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  Speaker 4: home from picking her up extremely late, probably two or
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  Speaker 4: three hours after our bedtime.
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  Speaker 3: So I made Kylie breakfast in bed, chopped up a.
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  Speaker 4: Fruit salt with fresh everything, and I was thinking to myself,
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  Speaker 4: this is going to be the morning that I talk
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  Speaker 4: about in the podcast where I say I just got
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  Speaker 4: this so right. In fact, I was feeling so confident
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  Speaker 4: that I said, to the kids, get yourselves organized, will
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  Speaker 4: ride to school today. And so I don't know what happened,
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  Speaker 4: but I gave Kylie breakfast in bed, and Kylie just
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  Speaker 4: kind of never came out of the bedroom, never surfaced,
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  Speaker 4: which is probably a bit unfair. I expected her to
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  Speaker 4: shovel her breakfast in two minutes and then come out
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  Speaker 4: and help me get the kids going.
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  Speaker 3: Didn't I needed to have a shower.
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  Speaker 4: Wh Yeah, and I'm just out there thinking I'm doing
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  Speaker 4: it all on my own. I've made a breakfast in bed,
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  Speaker 4: for goodness sakes, what's going on?
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  Speaker 2: You kind of lost it at that point, didn't you.
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  Speaker 3: I didn't have a good morning.
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  Speaker 4: And while I don't think that I was necessarily cruel
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  Speaker 4: or unkind to anyone, I just I got a bit shouty.
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  Speaker 3: I turned into shoudy dad. So that was our week.
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  Speaker 3: Last week.
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  Speaker 4: We're doing our best to be better, you know, we're
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  Speaker 4: trying to be better tomorrow kind of thing. What what
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  Speaker 4: do you reckon are the integral essentials of making mornings magic?
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  Speaker 2: Well, you talk specifically about four different things that we
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  Speaker 2: can do in helping to create those magic moments each
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  Speaker 2: morning with our kids. So the first one was really
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  Speaker 2: recognizing and understanding that our morning actually starts the night before.
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  Speaker 3: Do you want to unpack that for us a little bit?
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, so we know that if we can get everything
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  Speaker 4: organized the night before, the next day just runs so
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  Speaker 4: much more smoothly.
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  Speaker 3: So that means when you.
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  Speaker 4: Go to bed, the kitchen's actually tidy and the house
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  Speaker 4: is in reasonable shape. But more than that, it's specifically
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  Speaker 4: the morning stuff like the kids. Do you know where
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  Speaker 4: the kid's shoes.
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  Speaker 2: Are or a school bag or their lunchbox.
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  Speaker 4: They're reading their library books, so it's making sure that
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  Speaker 4: the bag is pretty well packed, the uniform is laid out,
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  Speaker 4: the shoes and the socks and the sports uniform, everything
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  Speaker 4: that they.
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  Speaker 3: Need is ready to go.
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  Speaker 4: If you remember to do that the night before, it
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  Speaker 4: just means that you don't have that pressure of you
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  Speaker 4: What do you mean you can't find your shoes? You
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  Speaker 4: were wearing them yesterday in the car on the way home.
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  Speaker 4: Like you don't have to deal with that stuff.
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  Speaker 2: And I guess tip for mums in particular or dad's
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  Speaker 2: but that for me is not necessarily believing your children
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  Speaker 2: when they say they know exactly where it all is.
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  Speaker 4: Yet we've actually learned that there's two very important words
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  Speaker 4: to say right then, and that is show me.
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  Speaker 3: I want to see them.
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  Speaker 2: So definitely has had such a significant impact on making
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  Speaker 2: our mornings move forward in positive ways when we have
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  Speaker 2: done that preparation the night before.
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  Speaker 3: Yea, Now, if you want to go over the top,
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  Speaker 3: we've done this. We haven't done it for.
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  Speaker 4: A while, but we both know that it works supremely well.
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  Speaker 4: We actually put together a breakfast menu and a lunch list,
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  Speaker 4: and before the kids go to bed, we get the
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  Speaker 4: kids to circle on the laminated breakfast menu what they
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  Speaker 4: want for breakfast the next day, and they choose what
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  Speaker 4: they want for lunch the next day. Because you know,
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  Speaker 4: sometimes they walk out in the kitchen and they're bleary
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  Speaker 4: eyed and they're tired, and they can't decide what they want.
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  Speaker 3: They just open the fridge and stare at it for
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  Speaker 3: four minutes.
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  Speaker 2: Well, the TV is it's not a TV, but they
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  Speaker 2: think it is.
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  Speaker 4: The fridge is so entertained what's in the fridge, And
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  Speaker 4: so what we found is that when the kids are
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  Speaker 4: making decisions the night before for what they'll have for
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  Speaker 4: breakfast and lunch, they just come out into the kitchen and.
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  Speaker 3: Get on with it.
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  Speaker 4: And we've spent time helping them to learn how to
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  Speaker 4: make this stuff, how to prepare their own lunches, how
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  Speaker 4: to prepare their own breakfasts, and they can do most
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  Speaker 4: of it pretty well without our assistance. But the great
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  Speaker 4: thing is now that the decisions are made, even if
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  Speaker 4: they do need help, it's so easy for us to
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  Speaker 4: step in. So that's kind of going over the top
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  Speaker 4: for some parents, but for us, we found it it's tremendously.
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  Speaker 2: Helpful, definitely, and I think in the early stages there
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  Speaker 2: was a lot of involvement needed from me. But as
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  Speaker 2: our children have I guess gone through that process, and
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  Speaker 2: like you said, we've trained and taught them how to
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  Speaker 2: do it, they are very much independent in relation to that.
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  Speaker 2: So I guess one of the other things that we've
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  Speaker 2: talked about in those four different steps is waking our
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  Speaker 2: children up just a few minutes earlier then they need
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  Speaker 2: to be awake, and doing it in such a way
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  Speaker 2: that it's not such an abrupt, rude, you know, intrusion
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  Speaker 2: to this beautiful night's sleep that they've had.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, so most of the time when we wake the
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  Speaker 3: kids up in the morning, it sounds like this, would
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  Speaker 3: you just wake up?
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  Speaker 4: This is the fifth time I've told you you're ten
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  Speaker 4: minutes later already, it's going to be horrible.
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  Speaker 3: And nobody likes those kinds of wake ups.
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  Speaker 2: I don't think I ever had that. It was just
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  Speaker 2: they turned the light on, Yes, t the light on.
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  Speaker 2: Time to get up?
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, that sort of stuff just doesn't work well. And
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  Speaker 4: so if you want to have a magic morning with
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  Speaker 4: connection rather than correction and direction, I reckon, go and
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  Speaker 4: sit on their bed ten minutes early, give them a squeeze,
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  Speaker 4: give them a hug, let them know that you love them,
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  Speaker 4: and say, are your set for the day?
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  Speaker 3: What can I do to help?
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  Speaker 2: We've done this so well that our six year old
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  Speaker 2: actually comes and.
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  Speaker 3: Does it to me ten minutes early. Yes, I wish.
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  Speaker 2: And so then your last one, justin you talk about
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  Speaker 2: the need to not tell our children what do but
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  Speaker 2: ask them what to do?
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  Speaker 3: How does that actually work?
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  Speaker 4: So so much of our mornings, would you hurry up,
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  Speaker 4: why haven't you done this? Go and get this for me,
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  Speaker 4: Go and pack that away. Like we're constantly telling our
• 10:10
  Speaker 4: kids what to do, we're correcting and directing, but when
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  Speaker 4: we connect. A great way to engage with the kids
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  Speaker 4: when they're not moving is to connect by asking questions.
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  Speaker 4: You might say, Hey, what's next on your list? Or
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  Speaker 4: is there anything you need help with? I noticed that
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  Speaker 4: you're standing there looking a little bit lost. And when
• 10:25
  Speaker 4: you reach out and offer to help, or when you
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  Speaker 4: say what's next on your list, those kinds of responses
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  Speaker 4: are much less likely to be perceived as correcting and
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  Speaker 4: directing and much more likely to be felt like, you know,
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  Speaker 4: we're connecting with and we're seeing them, we're valuing them,
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  Speaker 4: we're offering to help them. And that's good for building
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  Speaker 4: the relationship, and it's good for making mornings magic, and
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  Speaker 4: it's good forgetting about the door on time.
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  Speaker 2: And there was lots of ants there. So I'm going
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  Speaker 2: to add my own one little tip, and I think
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  Speaker 2: that it has a huge impact on my morning. It's
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: just using those gentle reminders. So when the kids have
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  Speaker 2: actually finished or perceived to have finished their morning routine
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: and they're ready to go to school, and they're already
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  Speaker 2: just to kind of, you know, chill out and wait
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: for the school bus to come along. That being me,
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  Speaker 2: sometimes I'll recognize and see that they haven't actually done
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  Speaker 2: a few of the things that they needed to do
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: chore wise or helping out around the house, and so
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  Speaker 2: just a gender or reminder, hey Annie the laundry is
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  Speaker 2: enough for her to kind of kick into gear and go, oh, yeah,
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  Speaker 2: I've got five minutes I can go and do you know,
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  Speaker 2: put a load on.
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  Speaker 3: I love listening to you, I reckon, we should do
• 11:27
  Speaker 3: this podcast more often.
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: Well, I really enjoy speaking with Well.
• 11:31
  Speaker 4: We hope that you've enjoyed the podcast. Thank you so
• 11:34
  Speaker 4: much for being with us. If you do enjoy the podcast,
• 11:36
  Speaker 4: can you please visit Apple Podcasts and leave a rating
• 11:38
  Speaker 4: and review. It's the reviews and the ratings that you
• 11:41
  Speaker 4: leave that help people find out about the podcast and
• 11:43
  Speaker 4: find out why there's so much love. Like Sarah did
• 11:46
  Speaker 4: who jumped on and left us a five star review.
• 11:49
  Speaker 4: We appreciate that so much, Sarah, and some kind comments
• 11:52
  Speaker 4: as well, all about you, missus, happy families.
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: Wow, my first review. This is a bit exciting. It says,
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: I'm loving this podcast. I'm always a better parent after
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: I listened to an episode. Kylie is a great addition.
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: The husband wife banter is hilarious and very relatable. We
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: are really enjoying spending time together in this way and
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: being able to kind of banter.
• 12:11
  Speaker 3: We're really enjoying that.
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: It's not very often that we get the opportunity to
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: just enjoy one another's company and have these lighthearted conversations
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: about really important things.
• 12:22
  Speaker 3: So thanks Sarah and Sarah.
• 12:23
  Speaker 4: Kylie's eyes lit up. She didn't know that was there.
• 12:25
  Speaker 4: I just threw it in front of her just in
• 12:27
  Speaker 4: time for her to read it out. So really appreciate that,
• 12:30
  Speaker 4: and thanks for making missus Happy Families even happier.
• 12:33
  Speaker 3: She's going to have a spring in this step all
• 12:35
  Speaker 3: day because of that. We love your reviews.
• 12:36
  Speaker 4: Please keep sending them through how people find the podcast
• 12:39
  Speaker 4: and make their families happier. If you'd like more information
• 12:41
  Speaker 4: about how you can make your family flourish, how you
• 12:43
  Speaker 4: can make your morning's magic.
• 12:44
  Speaker 3: You can just love your kids more.
• 12:46
  Speaker 4: Yes, especially if you'd like ongoing monthly support through our memberships.
• 12:50
  Speaker 4: Check it all out at Happy families dot com dot au.
• 12:53
  Speaker 4: Visit the membership's page and you find all the info there.
• 12:56
  Speaker 4: You can get more information as well on our Instagram
• 12:59
  Speaker 4: page or at doctor Justin Colson's Happy Families on Facebook