Latest / feel your feelings with Ethan Jewell / the past is depression, the future is anxiety

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the past is depression, the future is anxiety · feel your feelings with Ethan Jewell

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  When I was younger, I desperately wanted to live in
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  the future. I wanted to be older.
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  I couldn't wait to be an adult. I couldn't wait to have all the
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  responsibilities that come with it.
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  And now that I am older, that I'm an adult, I think about the
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  past a lot more. And I think about what it was
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  like to be a young kid and how enjoyable it was.
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  Many of us, myself included, seem to have this odd obsession
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  with the past or with the future.
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  We don't want to live in the right now.
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  We want to look back or forwards.
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  But why is that? Let's talk about it.
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  My name is Ethan Jewell and welcome back to Feel Your
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  Feelings. Time is an interesting thing,
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  and it's something that all of us experience.
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  Time will always keep moving no matter what, but a lot of us
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  have an obsession with certain aspects of time, for example,
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  the future or the past. I've met a lot of people who are
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  always, always living in the past.
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  For example, maybe older men who are always reminiscing on their
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  days of, say, high school football and saying that they
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  could have gone pro, you know they're living inside of the
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  past. Or I meet people my age who are
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  talking about their future and how they can't wait to get
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  married and grow up and have a have a real job and all these
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  different things. So many people that I know are
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  constantly living somewhere else other than now, and on the
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  surface that seems fine. But as somebody who has done
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  that for years and still does that to this day, I can tell you
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  it is not as pleasant or as innocent as it may seem.
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  I want to remind you, I'm not a doctor.
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  I'm not a psychiatrist. I'm not a professional in the
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  mental health industry. I'm just a normal guy who has
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  felt a lot of big feelings and wants to open the conversation.
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  And today, I want to open the conversation on the importance
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  of living in the now and why we should avoid living in the past
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  and avoid living in the future. After all, the past is just a
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  memory and living in the past can cause depression.
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  The future is just a thought, and living in the future is
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  anxiety. What happens when we live inside
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  of each of these? No amount of worrying,
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  anticipation, or anxiety will change the future.
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  That's just a fact that we all have to accept.
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  What will happen, will happen. The world has a funny way of
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  making sure things work out how they're meant to.
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  And if you spend all your time focusing on the what if you will
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  never move forward properly? And let me explain what I mean
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  by this. It may seem super innocent to
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  always be anticipating, to always be planning, to always be
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  looking for the next step. In fact, we're often taught that
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  we should look forward, We should be saving.
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  We should be looking for our next move, for our next job,
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  looking out for the future of our friendships or our
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  relationships. And that's true to an extent.
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  Yes, you should be aware of the future.
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  But if you live in the future and you get caught up in the
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  what if you will never be able to healthily move forward
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  through life? You will be so caught up on
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  making the quote right decision on doing the right thing,
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  meaning the right people that you will miss the fact that all
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  of that is right in front of you.
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  The correct decisions are whatever decisions you make and
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  move forward with. The right thing to do is
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  whatever choice you make. When you live in the future.
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  You are discrediting every decision you make, every moment
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  of the day. You are second guessing every
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  single thing that you do. Imagine if a friend of yours
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  planned a fun day out for the two of you along the way.
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  Every time they suggest something to do, you start
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  going. I don't know if that's a great
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  idea or I I don't know if that's the right thing for us to do.
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  Maybe they suggest something for dinner and you immediately say,
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  well, what if there's a better option?
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  What if we're meant to eat somewhere else?
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  Would that make for a fun, productive day with that friend,
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  or would it lead to more anxiety in the friendship and an overall
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  feeling of uneasiness or distrust?
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  Of course it would be the 2nd. So why do you talk that way to
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  yourself? Why do you doubt every move that
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  you make? Because there may be a better
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  one? Is it because you don't trust
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  yourself or because you are so scared of what could be?
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  So many of us don't realize when we're living in the future it is
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  because we are riddled with anxiety.
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  We're so anxious about what's coming, we're so unsure, and we
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  lack the confidence to move forward without that constant
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  worry. This is something that I'm still
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  working on to this day. The future is unsure and that is
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  scary. So I remind myself what could be
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  will happen no matter what. We cannot stop the natural flow
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  of life. Even if you hideaway from
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  everything, life will still move on without you.
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  That's the truth. I often feel paralyzed at the
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  thought of the future, so much that it's stopped me from
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  working on my future altogether in my head.
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  Time is moving so quickly. Everything seems so random that
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  there's no point in continuing, no point in moving forward.
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  This podcast, for example, I've thought about quitting dozens of
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  times purely because the future is uncertain.
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  I don't know if this is going anywhere.
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  I don't know if it will do anything.
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  But I've accepted this, and you should too.
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  The future will come regardless, so why not have something to
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  show for it? Why not take that risk?
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  Why not take the path less travelled?
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  The future is one thing, but living inside of the past is an
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  entirely different beast. So let's talk about what happens
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  when we live in the past. No amount of anguish, no amount
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  of mourning, no amount of yearning will change the past.
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  What's done is done. And I know reminiscing may not
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  seem like a bad thing after all. What's so bad about sifting
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  through memories and simply thinking about what has been?
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  However, if you keep living in the past constantly, I don't
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  mean thinking about memories. I mean reliving them.
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  I mean yearning for them. You will find yourself in a pit
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  of absolute depression. You will feel like a failure.
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  You will be unable to focus on the what is because of how
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  caught up you are in the what has been.
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  If you struggle with living in the past, as I often have,
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  there's a big reason for it. A majority of the time, the
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  reason we live in the past is because we miss or regret
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  something. Maybe we miss a person, a place,
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  a pet, a thing. Maybe we regret how we treated
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  someone, how we treated ourselves, how we let someone
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  treat us. Maybe we're just reminiscing and
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  living through memories every day.
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  It's fine to respect what has happened in our past and
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  remember. But if you become obsessed with
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  the past, you start to play with the idea that maybe the past was
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  better, maybe things were better than and you shouldn't be as
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  happy and content now. Maybe you will not find a new
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  partner because your last partner was so good.
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  Maybe you can't be happy now because of how happy you were in
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  the past. Maybe you cannot live now
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  because of how your life was back then.
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  This inevitably leads into depression.
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  You have to learn how to respect and sift through these memories
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  without living in them. Your purpose is not to forget
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  the past because there are happy and sad memories that were part
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  of your life, but instead to let them go.
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  The past teaches you what mistakes to make and how to grow
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  from them. That is the use of reminiscing,
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  Not to tear yourself apart with regrets and bad memories, but
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  instead to build yourself together from them.
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  I know it's very cliche to say that the past should be a
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  teacher. We've heard that a lot from
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  psychologists or great leaders. But I'm here as somebody, just
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  like you, as someone who has experienced this reminiscing as
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  somebody who still struggles to live in the now to this day.
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  The main use of the past is to learn.
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  You know, there's a reason we study history, for example.
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  It's to learn and not make the same mistakes, and your history
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  is no different. So don't be afraid to reminisce.
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  Don't be afraid to learn and think, but don't get so caught
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  up in your memories that you live in the what was instead of
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  the what is. Living in the now is the only
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  way to live. Without an active focus on
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  what's happening right now, you will go through your days blind
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  and unaware. Living in the future will make
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  you doubt the path you're on. Living in the past will stop you
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  from making important memories right now.
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  So I ask you every day to remind yourself who you are.
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  You are a person living on this incredible planet.
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  Now you have the ability to impact people, smile at them,
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  make art and breathe the outside air and experience wonders every
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  single day. So act like it.
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  Enjoy and learn from the memories, but don't live in
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  them. Anticipate and plan, but don't
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  be overwhelmed by what will be. Enjoy what is live now.
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  Feel your feelings. That's going to wrap it up for
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  today's episode. Thank you so much for being
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  here. I just released a new album out
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  on all music platforms titled I Wouldn't Do It Again.
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  I learned how to sing for this album and I'm incredibly proud
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  of how this piece of art came out and it would mean so much if
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  you checked it out. Just look up.
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  I Wouldn't Do It Again by Ethan Jewell on whatever platform you
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  listen to music. Also, please shoot me a message
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  on my Instagram at Jewel Boy with an eye under score and let
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  me know what you thought about today's episode.
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  So thank you so much for being here.
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  Thank you for understanding that living in the what is is the
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  only way to live. And as always, thank you for
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  feeling your feelings. I'll see you next time.