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How Do People Fall in Love With a Narcissist in The First Place? · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  So how do people fall in love with a narcissist in the 1st
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  place? Like how?
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  Like if narcissists are such bad people, demonic robotic meat
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  sacks just harm people overall in general, how do so many
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  people end up falling in love with them and end up in toxic
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  relationships with them? That's what we're talking about
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  today y'all. If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist and
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  walk with another episode of the Narcissist Code where I give you
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  the inside look at the mind of a narcissist.
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  But yeah, yeah, narcissistic people, toxic people, the
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  narcissist, the toxic person in your life.
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  How do they get so many people to fall for them?
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  Like how many? How do narcissists keep on
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  getting new supplies even when their reputations are horrible?
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  How does this happen? So much so truth be told, this
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  video is inspired by my friend Lisa Sunny Stronger than Before.
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  I saw her do a video on it and I was like, you know what?
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  That's a good topic right there. I'll do a YouTube video on it.
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  So shout out to the stronger than before awesome content
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  creator in the in the world of narcissistic abuse, toxic
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  relationships, right? But it's yo just be real at the
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  beginning of a relationship with a narcissist.
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  Narcissists tend to be awesome people, right?
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  They tend to they some they, they tend to and pretend to be
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  the person of your dreams. They tend to and pretend to be
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  the person you've always been searching for.
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  Am I right? This happens, It really does.
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  So many people are in relationships with narcissists
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  because narcissistic people has shown you their potential
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  upfront in the at the beginning of a relationship with a
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  narcissist, they show you who they can be, who they can be,
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  not who they actually are can be who they who they can be and who
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  they are. Or two totally different people,
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  three totally different people. It's just many different people
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  balled up into one person, right?
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  Narcissistic people or when you first meet a narcissist, they're
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  going to change your damn life, right?
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  In a good way or bad way, they're going to change your
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  life that from the moment you made a narcissist.
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  I will say this y'all, and not everybody's the same of course.
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  From the very first moment you made a narcissist, your life
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  will probably never be the same. I'm not saying it's going to get
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  worse or you never going to be able to heal or grow or get past
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  it. I'm just saying most people
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  who've dealt with narcissist lives will never be the same.
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  I'm not saying it can't be better later on.
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  I'm just saying very rarely do you when you leave a toxic
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  relationship with a narcissist, very rarely do you leave it in a
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  good way. Do you leave it smiling?
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  Do you leave it just like, amazing?
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  Very rarely does that happen. Now, could it happen?
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  Yeah, the possibility exists that they could happen, but very
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  rarely does that happen on a consistent basis where you leave
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  a relationship with a narcissist and you feel amazing.
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  It just doesn't happen that often.
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  I'm not saying that it doesn't happen at all, I'm just saying
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  that it doesn't happen that often.
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  If you get my catch my drift, When you are dealing with a
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  narcissist in the beginning, they are going to show they're
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  going to put their best foot forward.
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  And y'all heard me say this before, but that that best foot.
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  This is why a lot of narcissists wear pants right?
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  Because when they put their best foot forward it it, it's a peg
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  leg. It ain't their real leg.
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  It's a wooden leg. You bang on it, you look, you go
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  up to them and like thank you for putting your best foot
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  forward while meeting me and you hit their leg.
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  You like like this isn't flesh and bone, it's wood.
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  You have a peg leg. They're like ha ha ha, you
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  discovered I'm a narcissist. It's all been fake, right?
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  It's not all fake from the beginning, but they put their
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  best peg leg forward. Very rarely are they going to
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  show you who they really are in the beginning because most
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  narcissists don't think that you're going to, that you are
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  able to love them for who they really are, which is why they
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  pretend to be someone else, which is how they get so many
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  people to fall in love with them.
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  That's how it works. Like I pretend to be somebody
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  else, you fall in love with me, and rinse, rinse, repeat.
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  It goes over and over again the same cycle over and over again.
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  Rinse, reuse, repeat. Right.
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  This is what's going to happen. Like in the beginning they're
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  going that's yeah. This is why the love bombing
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  phase is a real thing. Like if y'all know, I have a
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  course called Understanding the Seven Stages of a Narcissistic
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  Relationship, where the very first stage of a narcissistic
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  relationship is called selection and picking is where they pick
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  who they pick who they want to love bomb.
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  They pick you, why they picked you.
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  All this stuff is covered in my course.
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  You can find it at mentalillness.net, Intercode
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  Mothers or fathers for 50% off all my courses, y'all.
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  But yeah, the first stage is selection and picking, but the
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  next stage is love bombing. They love bomb you.
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  They give you everything that you want upfront.
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  It's like you know matter of fact this thing about it like
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  this right y'all know if y'all been following me for any period
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  of time. Y'all know I talk in analogies
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  and obscure movie references and stuff like that.
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  I just got a lottery reference in my head now bear look now
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  ride with me right here as I put this together as I put this
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  reference together. You know let's just say you won
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  the lottery right? Being with a narcissist at the
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  beginning makes you feel like you won the lottery, but some
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  people when you win the lottery, right when you actually when you
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  win the, when you win the actual lottery, they offer you an
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  opportunity to take take it all upfront or get paid in
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  increments, get paid in yearly acre increments.
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  If you take it upfront, the amount you get is going to be a
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  lot less right? It's going to be a lot less
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  overtime, but you take it in increments.
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  It's not as you said, they break it up.
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  If you get 10 million, they break it up $300,000 a year or
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  something like that. But if you take the lump sum,
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  you get $3,000,000. So many people, so many
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  narcissists give you the lump sum upfront when normal healthy
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  relationships give it to you in increments.
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  I'm not saying the beginning of a normal healthy relationship.
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  It's impossible to get a, a lump sum upfront plus small
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  increments, right? Because that's how most people
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  fall in love you. They, they put their best foot
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  forward, but it's authentically them.
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  Narcissists give you a lump sum upfront and there's nothing,
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  there's nothing after it. They give you a little bump
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  later on down the road to keep you from leaving.
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  But most times when narcissistic people, they give you a little
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  bit, they give you a lump sum up front to to make you stick with
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  them and then there's nothing else later on.
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  So you're spent for the duration of the relationship.
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  Once the love bombing ends and the devaluation and stuff like
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  that begins, you, you spend you spend the rest of the
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  relationship chasing who they were.
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  You spend the rest of the relationship trying to get back
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  to who? Like trying to get back the
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  person that you originally fell in love with.
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  Which y'all, let's be real, that doesn't happen when you're
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  dealing with narcissist. It just not, it's just not
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  something that very occurs very often because narcissistic
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  people, if they are not who they are, if they're not who they
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  truly are in the beginning, who you dealing with?
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  You see what I'm saying, if they are faking the funk from the
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  beginning, they can't get back to who they are.
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  Matter of fact, real life example, there's a lady in my
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  support group that said her narcissistic ex or part her
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  partner right now is begging her not to divorce him.
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  And he said, I promise you, I can be, I can turn, I can become
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  the man you fell in love with. I can do all of that stuff I did
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  in the beginning. And she said what exactly?
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  Who is it? What exactly were you doing in
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  the beginning? Who is it that I fell in love
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  with? That man couldn't answer.
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  He said, I don't know. I could just be better, right?
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  He said. I don't know.
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  I can just promise you that I will be better.
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  You don't even know who you were in the beginning.
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  Yeah, if that ain't manipulation, I don't know what
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  it is. So somehow you plan on being
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  better for me while simultaneously not knowing who
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  you are or who you were at the beginning?
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  They will say and do whatever it takes to try to get you back
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  later on. But so many people, yeah, they
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  give you what you want. Like especially like if you, and
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  I've seen this happen a lot, if you're in a vulnerable position,
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  you might fall, you might be prey to fall in love with the
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  narcissist because narcissistic people tend to come into your
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  lives when you're in a vulnerable position.
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  You just lost a parent or a pet or parakeet or you just got
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  fired from your job. You're in a vulnerable position.
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  You just got broken up where you just somebody you just got
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  broken up with and now this person swoops in and claps your
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  cheeks and now y'all in love, right?
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  A lot of times it's the the timing of it.
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  Vulnerable people are going to fall in love with narcissists a
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  lot. This happens to so many people.
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  You're in a vulnerable state, don't date.
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  That rhymes on it. When you're in a vulnerable
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  state, don't date. I could have had a career as a
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  rapper if I wanted to, y'all? No, but seriously, so many
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  people fall in love with narcissists because they pretend
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  to be good people up front. I'm not saying that narcissists
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  are all evil bad people, right? But the ones that pretend to be
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  good up front and then switch it up later on and stop being good
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  people, stop treating you well. Those are manipulators.
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  Manipulations. Those are manipulators.
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  They keep doing this type of stuff over and over again
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  because it benefits them at the end of the day, right?
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  That's why I was just saying it's very easy to fall in love
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  with a narcissist because they, you might be searching, they
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  might check every single box that you have up front.
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  They really, they realistically might check every single box
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  that you have up front and they might treat you well up front as
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  well. They love bombing the hell out
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  of you, right? They sweep you up off of your
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  feet. Now, if you can follow me, what
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  happens when people sweep you off your feet?
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  They tend to drop you on your head.
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  When they sweep you off your feet, they flip you over and
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  drop you on the top of your damn head, drop you on a cranium.
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  They do some, you know, they've been known, Narcissist has been
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  known to do a lot of damage, right?
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  So that's why it's so important. That's why I tell so many
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  people. It's so important to take your
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  time when you're first getting to know somebody, when you're
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  first meeting somebody, it's so extremely important to
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  understand who you are dealing with because that's the thing
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  that goes on. It's so important to, you know,
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  to reconcile everything, to slow everything down.
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  Speed is the weapon of a narcissist.
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  The faster you go, the more red flags you're going to miss.
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  How do so many people fall in love with narcissist?
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  Because they're going so damn fast.
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  You're speeding in a relationship.
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  You're just literally just hightailing it in a relationship
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  because you fell in love with this person.
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  I get, yeah, I get it. I'm not trying to chastise you.
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  I get it, but that's why it's so important right now to slow
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  down. If you're already in it trying
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  to get out of it, slow down. Make a plan and understand that
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  this person, I'm not saying everything was fake from the
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  beginning, but now this is who they really are.
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  Who are they now? Not who they used to be, not who
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  they pretended to be now, who you, who they told you they
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  were, Who are they right now? Because just like you fell into
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  fell in love, you can fall out of it too.
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  They can throw you sometimes you don't fall out of love.
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  They throw you out of the, they throw you out of the love plane
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  without a parachute. They make you, they make you
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  flap your owns. They try to brace for impact,
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  y'all. Anyways, y'all, thank y'all for
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  tuning into another episode. I appreciate every single one of
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  y'all. Make sure you hit the subscribe
• 11:54
  button if you haven't already, y'all.
• 11:55
  My birthday is next week. So for my birthday gift,
• 12:00
  subscribe to the channel. Also check out my coaching
• 12:03
  courses, everything my 101 mental illness.net.
• 12:07
  Hit the subscribe button, click one of these and I'm out.
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  Peace.