Latest / The Black Sheep Leadership Podcast / MAKE THE OUTCOME THE SIDE CHICK Marry the Process.💍 Stop Obsessing Over the Result.

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MAKE THE OUTCOME THE SIDE CHICK Marry the Process.💍 Stop Obsessing Over the Result. · The Black Sheep Leadership Podcast

• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, what's going on, everybody?
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: I want to welcome you to the Black Sheep Leadership Podcast.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Athena Renee, and this is where the underdogs, the misfits, and the black sheeps come to turn pain into power so that they could build a life by design and leave a legacy behind.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if this is your first time tapping in, welcome in, family.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so glad to see you.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: Pull up a chair.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: We're glad you're here.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're back again, what's going on, Fan Bam?
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for trusting me with your time.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: I promise you, I don't take that lightly.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: Now let's do this quick vibe check.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you're easily offended, sensitive, entitled, waiting on somebody to come save you, or you're allergic to accountability, this ain't your safe space.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: So get your ass up out of here right now.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: Go find you something safe to do.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: Because this ain't it.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: But if you're ready to think bigger, move smarter, and you refuse to live beneath your potential, stay locked in, my friend.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: Because by the end of this episode, you're walking away with something that you can execute immediately.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: Now let's get to work.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: Black sheep.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: I need to talk to you about your relationship.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: Not the one with your boyfriend, your girlfriend, your BFF, husband or wife.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: I'm talking about the relationship you've been having with your goals.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: Because some of y'all are in a very toxic relationship with your results.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: You wake up thinking about them.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: You go to bed thinking about them.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: You check them on every five minutes.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: You're checking about your resource, your results.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: Think about when someone is trying to lose weight and they continue to get on that scale.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: Every 30 minutes, they eat something, they're on the scale checking it.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: They check it when they wake up.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: They check it before they go to bed.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: You post something on social media, and before the algorithm can even catch its breath, you already checking the views.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: You apply for a job on Monday, and by Wednesday, you're wondering why the company hasn't recognized the greatness you submitted.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: You start a business, and two weeks later, maybe even two months later, you're questioning your entire destiny because you haven't made thousands of dollars.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: Baby, friend, family.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: That's not ambition anymore.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: That's obsession with the little anxiety sprinkled on the top.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: And here's what makes it worse you're giving all your attention to something that you cannot completely control while neglecting the very thing you can control.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: The work.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: So today we're having a conversation and it might raise a few eyebrows.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: Today we're gonna be talking about make the outcome the side chick, marry the process, and stop obsessing over the result.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: Now, listen, fam, don't go getting yourself in trouble, okay?
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: I'm talking about your goals, not your relationships.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: Let's unpack it.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: Truth number one, we must stop romanticizing the result.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: Now, listen, family, I absolutely get it.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody loves the outcome, everybody loves the result.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: I'm results oriented.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: I want to know what result are we going to get.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: So, for an example, when I help businesses, the first one of the first things I want to know is what is the result you're looking for?
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: What will make you happy?
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: What is the outcome?
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody loves the outcome.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: We love the graduation pictures, the successful business.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: We love the uh promotion announcement, and we all really love those before and after transformations because who doesn't love a comeback kid?
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: We love the finish line, but you know what, family?
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: There's something funny about the finish line because everybody wants to stand there, but everybody don't want to run that race, and that's where people get themselves into trouble.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: They become emotionally attached to the reward before they even develop a relationship with the work that's required to earn it.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: They want the book sales, but they don't want to talk about the manuscript.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: They don't want to finish the manuscript, they don't want to hire somebody to help them finish the book, right?
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: They don't want to they don't want to pay for any type of advertisement, but they want the book sales, right?
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: They want the successful podcast, but they don't want to keep recording when they only have one or two people listening all the time.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: They don't want to keep doing it.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: They want the healthier body, but they don't want to change what they do consistently when they're eating a big bag of snacks and it's after five o'clock, and they're about to go to bed at 5:30, right?
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: They don't want to talk about a big bowl of ice cream with Oreos.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: Here it is, 11:30 at night, and you're about to go to bed at midnight.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: And listen, I absolutely get it because results are exciting.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: Results give you something to look forward to.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: There's absolutely nothing wrong, family, with wanting to win.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: We talk a lot about results and the outcome here, but when the outcome becomes your entire source of motivation, you put yourself in a dangerous position.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: And listen, family, it's almost like this episode is almost like walking on a tightrope or like on a double-edged sword.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: Because when we are setting goals, I always say begin with the end in mind.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: You want to start with the outcome that you want, right?
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: So, but it is because I want you to have a crystal clear picture of what you're aiming for, right?
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: You want to begin with the end in mind, at least try to um, like I said, have a picture of what you want, right?
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever that is.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: But what happens when the outcome takes longer than you expect it?
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: What happens?
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: What happens when you do everything you know possible and you still don't get the result?
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: What happens when somebody else reaches a finish line before you and you know you've been putting in work way before them?
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: See, that's when people start abandoning abandoning a perfect plan, right?
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: They start abandoning their good plan that they've already made.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: And not because the plan is necessarily failing, but because the reward isn't showing up fast enough on their timeline.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: And this is why I always tell you, family, don't allow other people to put you on their timeline of success, right?
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: Because some people feel like, oh, you should have had it by now.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: But guess what, family?
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes we are our worst critic, and we need to think about the timeline that we were putting ourselves on for that particular goal.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: Because sometimes the problem isn't your strategy, it's your patience.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: Now, listen, I know patience doesn't mean sitting around waiting on a miracle, right?
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: You just sitting there not doing nothing.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: You still need, but you still need to measure progress and make adjustments.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so I'm not saying that you don't want to check out your progress and measure it, but you cannot expect every seed you plant to give you a full tree or a full fruit by Friday.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: If you plant it on Monday, you shouldn't expect every single seed that you plant to see something by Friday.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: That's not how growth works, okay.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: Truth number two, the process is really where your power lies.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: You know, family, we're in the last quarter of 26, and I finally got the understanding of the idea about enjoying the process, being dedicated to the process, right?
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's all about the process because here's the distinction I want you to understand.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: See, you can influence the outcome, right?
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: You can influence it.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: Influence means you're doing all the things that you know possible that will waver in your favor for the expected outcome, but you cannot always control it.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: You can't always control it.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: You can prepare for an interview, but you can't force the company to hire you.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: Family, I've gone on so many interviews, and the ones that I thought went well, even when they acted like, hey, we're gonna advance to the next step, they didn't do anything.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: You can write a great book, but you can't force people to buy it.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: You just can't, family.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: You can build a strong business, but you can't control every customer or market condition.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: So, what can you control?
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: Your preparation, your decisions, your consistency, your willingness to learn and improve.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: That's where your power lies.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: Think about a basketball player standing at the free throw line.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: They want they want the ball to go into the basket, right?
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: Of course they do.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: But staring at the scoreboard won't improve their shot.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_00: They have to focus on their form, their routine, and the actual shot.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: The scoreboard tells them what happened, the process gives them something to do about it, and that's the difference.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: Some of us spend more time checking the scoreboard than playing the game.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: This is why I always tell you, family.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't play the game, you can't make a score.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't shoot your shot, you're gonna miss every shot that you could have possibly had if you never get in the game.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: We're checking followers, sales, likes, downloads, bank accounts, and everybody else's progress.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: Meanwhile, the work that could actually improve those numbers that you're obsessing over is sitting there on the sidelines waiting on us.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: Let me tell you something.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: The scoreboard is not your steering wheel, it is it simply gives you information, it does not drive the car, and when you're committed to the process, you don't have to wake up every morning wondering whether you feel motivated.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: You already know what needs to be done.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: You show up, you do the work, you study what happened, and you make the next move your best move.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: That's discipline with direction.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, let's get into truth number three, guys, because this is going to be the heavy hitter.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: Detachment is not the same as not caring.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, listen to me very closely.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: Detachment is not the same as not caring.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: Because here recently, family, I know um, if you watch a lot of personal and professional development videos or audio programs, one of the buzzwords that came out was detachment.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_00: Detachment.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: And for black sheep, listen, this is something that we absolutely need to keep in our arsenal.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so let's get into it.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: Now I know somebody is probably thinking, Athena, how am I not supposed to chase a goal?
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: Or how am I supposed to chase the goal and not care about the outcome?
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: Listen, family, that's not what I'm saying.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_00: You should care about the outcome, you should have your standards, you should want your work to produce something meaningful, but there's a difference between wanting an outcome and allowing that outcome to control your emotional state every single day.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: Let me give you an example.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: Two people are building a business, both want to make their first thousand dollars.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: The first person launches a product, doesn't get the sales they expect, and immediately decides nobody wants the offering.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_00: They get discouraged, they disappear for three months and start working on another idea.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: The second person launches the same type of product and gets disappointing sales as well, and they're disappointed too.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: But instead of making it a personal tragedy, they start asking questions.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe was the offer clear?
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_00: Did enough people actually see it?
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: Was the picture good?
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_00: Was the product solving a problem that people were willing to pay for?
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: Now they're learning.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: Same disappointing result, but a different response.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: And that response can change what happens next.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_00: That's the kind of detachment that I'm talking about.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: Detachment isn't refusing to care, it's refusing to fall apart every time the result doesn't go your way.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna read it again for the people in the back.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_00: Detachment is not refusing to care.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_00: Detachment is refusing to fall apart, to break down every time you don't get the result that you wanted.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: See, you can be disappointed without being defeated.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I know, listen, family, it's easier said than done.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: But when you start exercising this, especially for your goals, because black sheep, you're so talented, you're so smart, there's so many different things you want to do.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: I can't wait till you guys start telling me about the world-changing things that you're doing all over the world, in the US, Canada, wherever you are across the seven seas.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_00: I can't wait to hear about it, right?
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: But what I want you to understand is don't think that detachment is refusing to care about what you're doing.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: Detachment just simply means you might be disappointed when you get an outcome that you did not want, but you're not being defeated.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_00: You're not giving up, you're not throwing the towel.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: See, you can change the strategy, you're not gonna abandon your mission, and you can recognize that one result, even though it didn't come out the way you want it, is not a final judgment on your future.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_00: There's another part of this I want you to understand.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you can do the work, you can improve your skills and still decide that a goal no longer makes sense to you.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_00: That's not automatically quitting, family.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_00: That's pivoting and that's discernment.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_00: This is why marrying the process doesn't mean staying committed to a broken strategy forever.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_00: Family, this is why I'm always tripping out when if you check out social media when people change their minds about certain issues.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just gonna give you one that's really charged up.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_00: When you see people that's like, oh, I was a Democrat, now I'm a Republican, or I was a Republican and now I'm a Democrat, or I was a liberal and now I'm a Republican, and you got people that be on the opposing side or the same side, they get so mad.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_00: Like you can't change your mind anymore, like you can't change your mind anymore.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_00: See, family, we are not locked into something that does not align to what we want to do, right?
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: It only thing we're committed to, we're committed to learning, learning new processes, doing meaningful work, and making intelligent decisions so that we can continue to make our next move our best move.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_00: That is what we're committed to.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: We're committed to learning, doing meaningful work, and making intelligent decisions so that we can make our next move our best next move, our best move, excuse me.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_00: So let's come back to this principle for the let's come back to this title, the side chick principle.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: Why am I calling the outcome the side chick?
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_00: Listen, family, I'm calling the outcome the side chick because I want you to remember where your attention belongs.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_00: Your attention belongs on the process.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: The process is the relationship that you have to nurture, it's the process.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_00: That's where you show up, that's where you make commitments, that's where you make adjustments, you put in effort and you work through the uncomfortable parts.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_00: The outcome, you still want to see it, you still care what happens, but you don't spend every waking moment chasing it around town.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_00: And you definitely don't let it come between you and the work.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_00: Because some of y'all have been treating your results like a jealous lover.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_00: If the number don't if the numbers don't text back immediately, you're ready to end the relationship.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I'm saying?
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_00: Relax, family.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_00: Do the work, check the results at reasonable intervals, make the adjustments that need to be made.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_00: Specifically, when the evidence tells you to make adjustments, then get back to business.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_00: What am I saying, family?
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_00: Marry the process and let the outcome be the reward, not the obsession.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_00: Alright?
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_00: So let me drop these three black sheep action moves on you really quickly, okay?
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_00: Move number one: name the result that you're obsessing over.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_00: What number, deadline, or achievement has been controlling your mood lately?
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's getting hired, starting reaching a sales goal, or hitting a certain number of followers.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_00: Write it down.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_00: Then ask yourself Am I spending more energy worrying about this result than doing the work that could help me actually reach it?
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_00: Move number two.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_00: Create three process commitments.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_00: Choose three actions that you can actually control.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe if you're job hunting, you can re that means you would improve your resume, you will research suitable positions, and then you may possibly build professional connections.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_00: If you're creating content, it might mean recording consistently, improving your titles, and studying what your audience responds to.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_00: Don't just set a goal, build a routine that gives the goal a fighting chance, family.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_00: Because it's always harder to go up than to come down.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so build that routine and give that goal, I mean, a good fighting chance.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_00: Move number three: set a time to review the scoreboard.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_00: Family.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_00: Stop checking your progress every time anxiety taps you on the shoulder.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_00: Choose a reasonable time to review your results.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_00: When you review them, ask what you learned and what needs to change.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_00: Then go execute that.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_00: Black Sheep Family.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_00: Here's what I want you to carry with you.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_00: You can be committed to winning without becoming controlled by winning.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_00: The goal gives you direction, the process develops your ability, and the results give you feedback.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_00: Don't refuse, don't confuse those three thoughts.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_00: The goal gives you action, or excuse me, the goal gives you direction, the process develops your ability, and the results give you feedback.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_00: They're all not the same.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_00: But when you put them together, you get everything that you named.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_00: All right?
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_00: Now listen, family.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to keep the ambition that you got, okay?
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_00: Make sure.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_00: Keep that ambition you have, keep the goals you have, keep the vision.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_00: Just stop letting the outcome run your life.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_00: Family, it's time that you get serious and settle down.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_00: It's time to marry the process.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_00: We're marrying the process.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_00: And we're gonna let the results tell you what needs to happen next.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_00: So don't just hear today's lesson.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_00: Run the play, family.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_00: Run that play all the way until you touch down because information is everywhere and execution is rare.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_00: I'll see you in the next briefing.