Latest / The Warrior Kings Podcast : Men's Self Help Masculinity Podcast / Former Army Officer: This Is The Real Definition Of Biblical Masculinity with Nick Furloni | The Warrior Kings Podcast Ep.98

Transcript

Former Army Officer: This Is The Real Definition Of Biblical Masculinity with Nick Furloni | The Warrior Kings Podcast Ep.98 · The Warrior Kings Podcast : Men's Self Help Masculinity Podcast

• 0:00
  One of the messages we fight is that we have to do this by
• 0:02
  ourselves, that we have to do this by ourselves.
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  You're weak if you do this with other people.
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  You're weak if you get help, right?
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  Like the ladies always have the the random and the ongoing joke
• 0:14
  of he never wants to ask for directions and and then we get
• 0:17
  lost. And it's because of this
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  mentality of if somebody else is there helping you, you're weak.
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  You can't do it. But that's not how God designed
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  us. I did 13 years myself in the
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  Army as both doing infantry and artillery units, been to Iraq
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  twice, and then on top of that, you know, commanded an airborne
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  unit in the 82nd. It's not pointing out our
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  problems, but it's holding out a hand to actually walk with us
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  through all of this as well. Too many people can do this.
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  This is too easy. I can point fingers all day.
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  We see this all over social media.
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  It takes so much more to reach out your whole hand and say,
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  take the hand with me and let's walk through this together.
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  Let's get Better Together. And that's what we're designed
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  to ultimately do. You're still operating like a
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  little selfish, self-centered boy.
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  That's that's where all this is coming from.
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  You haven't grown up and matured into manhood.
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  Manhood brings. What has God called men to be?
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  What does masculinity look like in a biblical context?
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  And what does true masculinity look like in a world that's
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  trying to sell us so many false versions of it?
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  That's what me and my good friend Nick Ferloni are getting
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  into today on the Warrior Kings podcast.
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  Nick is a former Army officer, men's leader, and communicator
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  who's passionate about helping men grow in faith, in purpose,
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  and in leadership. He's also the founder of Valor
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  and Vision, a movement and podcast dedicated to equipping
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  men in faith, discipline and purpose, and it is an honor to
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  have him on the show. If it's your first time here, my
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  name is Michael Riggs. I'm a full time author,
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  entrepreneur, men's personal development and marriage mentor,
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  husband and father of six, and I teach men all over the world how
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  to live fully optimized, leveled up lives and how to have happy,
• 1:59
  thriving marriages. So if that's something you're
• 2:01
  into, definitely stick around. Subscribe to this podcast,
• 2:04
  subscribe to this YouTube channel, wherever you're getting
• 2:07
  this because this is what we do here every week.
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  And with all that being said, let's dive right into it.
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  Hello, and welcome to the Warrior Kings podcast.
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  I'm your host, Michael Riggs here to assist you on your
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  journey to living a fully optimized, leveled up life as a
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  man. Nick, welcome to the show.
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  It's awesome to have you on. Michael, man, I'm excited to be
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  on here with you. Yeah, it's been a long time
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  coming. I'm glad that we can and talk
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  face to face. Finally, I love your content.
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  Yeah, no, you know, we've, we've both like in a, in a friendly
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  way, stalked each other's content and all that kind of
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  good stuff and definitely love what you're doing on your pages
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  and on TikTok and all of that as well.
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  And so and, and it's been an inspiration for me as as to what
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  I've been doing as well, so. I really appreciate that.
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  I kind of step back from TikTok a little bit, but I'm still on
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  YouTube and everywhere else, so I felt like I was reaching the
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  wrong audience unintentionally on TikTok, you know?
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  Yeah, and I, I think, you know, they're all different platforms
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  and you're going to get a little different flavor from each
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  platform. Instagram is definitely
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  different, YouTube is different, you know, all of that.
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  And, and so there's just a level of, you know, if you're not
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  reaching the right one on the right platform, it's either
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  wedding it out or like you're doing focusing where you are
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  reaching the the platform or the the audience that you really
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  want to be a part of. And so that's good.
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  And it's always got to be self reflecting on that.
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  Well, for people who don't know you and your work, tell us a
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  little bit about who you are and what you do.
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  Yeah. And so I'm Nick Feloni.
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  I'm a product of a military home.
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  I was actually born all the way out in Germany when my dad was
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  stationed out there. He did 27 years in the Army and
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  then we moved around all over the place, just we lived in
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  Germany for a short time in many, many, many different
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  states. I lived in Peru actually as a
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  young kid, like all of that. And then I went off to college
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  and 911 happened while I was in college, which reminded me of
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  the patriotic bone I was basically born with.
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  And so I did 13 years myself in the Army as both doing infantry
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  and artillery units. Been to Iraq twice and then on
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  top of that, you know, commanded an airborne unit in the 82nd and
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  just had a tremendous amount of fun and time in the military.
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  Learned so much out of it. And but then kind of felt like,
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  hey, it was time to move on, do something else.
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  Got married, landed here in the Philadelphia area and start
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  having kids. And then that's when kind of God
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  scooped me up as well and said, hey, we're going to direct this
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  path towards ministry. And which was just a radically
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  different than what I ever thought I would be doing, but
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  went straight into doing volunteer ministry for a while
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  as I was learning and growing in my faith.
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  And then I felt God called me into school and went and got a
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  master's in theology from Liberty University.
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  But ultimately my heart and I feel like God has always put on
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  my heart to have a reach, not just to veterans, but men in
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  general, whether you're a veteran or not, whether you
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  serve and like maybe police or fire or any of that.
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  But just guys that are just trying to figure lifeout and do
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  life right and not be quote UN quote, as we would call in
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  society a bum, you know, but and we want to, we want to be
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  respected. We want to have a good family.
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  We want to have influence into our community and our society
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  and and have a good family. But navigating all of what the
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  world's tricky weird messages and what they're saying to us,
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  and then understanding and putting that all together.
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  And it's getting worse. It's weird, bro.
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  So it's like, what do we do? And so and ladies like I'm I'll
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  tell you at least from a church context, all you need to do is
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  say ladies, we're gathering, there's going to be chocolate
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  and Jesus and you will get hundreds of ladies coming
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  together. You do the same thing.
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  You'll get 2 dudes and you're questioning why they're there,
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  right? You know, like and so men's
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  ministry and really getting to the heart of men and and helping
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  them through things is difficult because one of the messages we
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  fight is that we have to do this by ourselves, that we have to do
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  this by ourselves. You're, you're weak if you do
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  this with other people, you're weak if you get help, right?
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  Like the ladies always have the, the random and the ongoing joke
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  of he never wants to ask for directions.
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  And and then we get lost. And it's because of this
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  mentality of if somebody else is there helping you, you're weak.
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  You can't do it, you can't handle it.
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  But that's not how God designed us.
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  But that's what the world says against us.
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  And ultimately, as we really see it from a biblical standpoint,
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  that is an attack on us as men to ultimately have a second and
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  3rd order attack on our family, on our unity as a family, on our
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  society in general, overall. So, but that's what I work on.
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  I'm like, I'm here guys, let's come together so we can be
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  Better Together for the families we lead, for the communities we
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  lead, for the congregations that we're a part of.
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  And all of that with principle, with vision, right?
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  And so it's valor and vision is my brand in the podcast that I
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  also run now. And valor means to to have
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  courage in the face of adversity, right?
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  It's easy to have courage on your couch.
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  There's no adversity there, right?
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  So we need to have valor. We need to be men of valor to
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  have that courage in the face of the adversity of the world so
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  that we can go after the vision that God has for us.
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  It's a super inspiring story that you have too, because I
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  feel like it's a whole lifetime of service to others.
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  Just super awesome. And I didn't know that you grew
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  up in a military family and lived in Germany.
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  That's a cool connection because I did too.
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  My dad was in the Army and I lived in Germany for six years,
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  so that's awesome too. Nice, nice.
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  Yeah, that was my first duty station as well going back there
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  and and living and then our units deployed to to Iraq twice
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  out of there. And so Germany is great.
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  Germany where? You.
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  I was in. I was stationed in Schweinfurt,
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  yeah, and lived in a smaller town, like a little bit in South
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  of Schweinfurt and so southern Germany for.
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  Three years and then Schweinfurt for three years.
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  Yeah, good old Ledward Barracks and all of that.
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  Yeah, I have some questions written down here.
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  What do most people get completely wrong about what the
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  Bible actually says a man is supposed to be?
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  I think there's a couple things that we get wrong #1 we have a
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  lot of emphasis on the fact that the woman is supposed to submit
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  to us, but we don't actually continue to read in Scripture
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  how we're also supposed to submit ourselves and be leaders
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  by serving. And, and a lot of times it's
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  that we are to take the lead from Christ.
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  And it says that us as men, as husbands, that we are under
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  Christ, He is our leader, and then we are ultimately to lead
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  our families like him. Christ gave up himself for the
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  salvation and for the love of the church, the bride.
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  All of us as Christian followers as as Christ followers and that
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  we are to do the same things to our wives and our family is that
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  we are to die to what we want. So it's not about you sitting on
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  the couch and saying, honey, give me a Dang sandwich.
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  It's about, hey, honey, how can I get you a sandwich?
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  How can I love on you because you've taken care of the kids
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  all day. How can I love on you as you've
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  done all of this as well. And yes, and guess what?
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  When we do that, we support our women to be in the feminine
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  nature that God wants them to be in as well.
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  Like when we support them, well, love on them, well, care for
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  them, provide security, provide a sense of security, right?
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  Because it's not just saying I'm big and tough and can handle
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  guns and all of this and bring security.
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  It's like, are you bringing financial security?
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  Are you bringing emotional security?
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  Are you bringing relational security, right?
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  Like all of these other things that matter actually more to a
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  woman then even sometimes physical security.
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  Like great, absolutely step up to the weirdo that wants to like
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  look at her all day at a restaurant and tell that guy to
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  get out of here. And that's trying to bug her,
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  right? We've got that.
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  But are you emotionally secure to secure that way?
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  Are you of course financially secure?
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  But then all of those areas And then even spiritually securing
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  her as well by leading her. But guess what?
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  You don't have to be a Bible scholar to lead spiritually.
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  Just take her to church and be happy that you're there too and
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  do these things that are bringing that ever.
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  All those levels of security. You will see her operate so much
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  different when we operate that way and bring that to the home
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  and love on the kids and care for them and then and realize
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  and she can see that we are putting away our wants and needs
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  for the greater good of the family and for her.
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  Like I was telling you through emails, like I speak about all
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  the time, like what men are called to be and masculine and
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  feminine polarity and stuff like that.
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  But I haven't stepped into putting it through a biblical
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  lens. I feel like I'm still learning a
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  lot of that stuff myself. So that's why I was really
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  looking forward to this interview.
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  But. No, absolutely.
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  When you first started studying this, what was the thing that
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  surprised you the most? Something you assume the Bible
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  said about masculinity, that it actually does it, or something
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  it says that nobody talks about. It's number one thinking, like I
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  said at the beginning, that we're supposed to do all this
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  alone. That's the number one thing.
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  Like I think us as men thinking that we are to raise our
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  families by ourselves. Handle your job and everything
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  by yourselves, handle your emotional needs and just
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  managing yourself by yourself, all of that.
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  And that can be further from the truth, right?
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  Our, our wives are designed right when, when Adam was there
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  and God recognized that it's not good for man to be alone.
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  This was before the fall. This is before sin came into the
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  world. This is before anything got
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  messed up. Even in God's perfection, he
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  still realized it's not good for you to be alone.
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  Come on bro. Like even though you have this
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  intimate relationship with me, God Adam needed a helpmate.
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  Were you good? Like 10 seconds my phone started
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  ringing, sorry about that. Oh, OK.
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  But yeah, God's calling man. He's like, what's up?
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  But it's God recognized that we need a helper and that's what
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  woman was designed, right? And she came out of our ribs.
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  A lot of people can theolize, you know, theologically think
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  like, oh, was from the rib. It's from our side.
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  It's not from our head. So then there she's not to be
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  ahead of us. It's not from our feet or legs.
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  She's not to be underneath us and stepped on right?
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  It's from our side. She's equal to us.
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  And I also look at it as another thing like what do our ribs do
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  that a lot of the other bones don't do?
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  Our ribs protect us, right? Are their bones bring us, you
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  know, frame and structure? And our ribs do too.
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  But they also are a mechanism. They're a cage for protecting
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  your vital organs. And the other area is that
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  that's also what she will do with you when you are providing
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  all of the blood flowing throughout the body.
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  So think of your home as a body. You are the heart, the lungs,
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  you are in the brain, you are doing all of these things.
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  She's the ribs providing some level of care and protection
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  around that as well, like caring for your emotional needs as
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  well, right? When we bring all that security,
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  then she's willing to care for you, make sure that all of that
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  is good and she wants to do that, but she's not going to do
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  that if you're just like thinking you've got this all by
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  yourself and then kind of almost ignoring her in a weird, weird
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  way that a lot of guys do. We just, we just, I don't know,
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  it's just this weird cultural thing that the world has told us
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  so much and has ruined what biblical marriage should be
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  because that's ultimately what it is.
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  It's not just what does a man do by himself.
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  It's also the complementary relationship between US and
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  women and to be husband and wife.
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  And that's the foundation because it then it's not about
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  kids. Kids come second and kids should
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  always stay second. It should be you and your wife,
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  number one. And the kids learn what marriage
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  should be by you keeping that a priority in your home.
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  And #1 and so, but doing this by yourself, absolutely not Like we
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  need to be in communion with other guys.
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  We need to be hanging out with other guys that are lifting us
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  up, right? We always hear that.
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  Even the world says this. We are the average of the 10
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  best friends or the five best friends you have around you,
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  right? We've heard that.
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  And so it matters who the people are around you.
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  If you've got other guys that are, you know, are cheating on
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  their wives and going out, drinking too much and going out
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  and doing all sorts of things we should not do and are ultimately
• 15:14
  destructive to our lives and our relationships, that's going to
• 15:17
  bleed in. Whether you want to believe it
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  or not, that will somehow bleed into you.
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  Guilty by association is a very real thing.
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  All right. And so it does matter.
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  What community of guys do we have around us?
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  Do we have guys that want to lift us up?
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  Do we have guys that want to show how to have biblical
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  character? Do we want to have other guys
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  around us that are, you know, able to also hold us
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  accountable? But it's not pointing out our
• 15:42
  problems, but it's holding out a hand to actually walk with us
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  through all of this as well, right?
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  Too many people can do this. This is too easy.
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  I can point fingers all day. We see this all over social
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  media, right? People point fingers all day.
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  But it takes so much more to reach out your whole hand and
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  say, take the hand with me and let's walk through this
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  together. Let's get Better Together.
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  And that's what we're designed to ultimately do.
• 16:06
  That's awesome. I feel like that's something
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  that I've been missing community with other men because I've been
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  kind of a lone wolf for a while, like kind of isolation.
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  Now that I'm getting more involved in the church that
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  we've started going to and stuff like that.
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  They have a men's group that's going to reset soon.
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  Like I'm looking forward to getting around other men because
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  like you're saying, it's super important and it's kind of a
• 16:28
  void there when you don't have that, you know?
• 16:30
  No, absolutely. It really is a void when you're
• 16:34
  on your own. The whole concept of a lone wolf
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  is painted good, but guess what? It's only as good as the pain on
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  the picture. A reality.
• 16:43
  A wolf will die very ugly and a lonely death by itself because
• 16:49
  it can't feed itself. Wolves can only feed themselves
• 16:52
  in a pack. A wolf can't take down a whole
• 16:54
  elk by itself. It takes down an elk with the
• 16:57
  pack. And so you have to operate
• 17:00
  together to be able to do that. And so a lone wolf is a total
• 17:04
  fallacy of the world and understanding that.
• 17:07
  But it sounds cool. It sounds really cool, man.
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  This I'm handling all by myself, man.
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  And it's like, no, dude, you're going to starve and die alone.
• 17:16
  That's what's going to happen. Where do you think in Scripture
• 17:19
  is the most underrated example of masculinity?
• 17:22
  Someone men overlook, or Miss Reed, whose life actually
• 17:25
  contains A blueprint for what a real man looks like?
• 17:29
  Or just somebody who is the example of what biblical
• 17:32
  masculinity would look like. I think one place that a lot of
• 17:35
  guys want to look, but actually it's not a really good spot got
• 17:39
  to look at is Samson. All his strength was in his
• 17:43
  hair. You know, in the moment she cut
• 17:47
  that hair out and he lost all the strength and all this.
• 17:49
  And then on top of it, you know, he was more driven by his
• 17:52
  feelings and lust and all of this kind of thing.
• 17:55
  He loved the Lord and everything, but it's not really
• 17:57
  a great example of what men should be doing.
• 18:00
  Great warrior. I mean, took out tons and
• 18:03
  hundreds and thousands of people with just the jawbone of a
• 18:06
  donkey. And like, all these stories, but
• 18:07
  Samson's not the example that we should be striving to live by,
• 18:12
  honestly. David is.
• 18:13
  And a lot of people may say, Oh my gosh, well, David, you know,
• 18:18
  had an affair with Bathsheba and then killed her husband and all
• 18:21
  this other kind of stuff. And, and the example out of that
• 18:24
  is not to follow that, of course, but it is to say that
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  when David still sinned, when David still messed up in his
• 18:32
  life and then was approached and held accountable by the prophet
• 18:36
  Nathan by that he was humble enough to bend his knee to the
• 18:41
  Lord and say, I repent of like, you're right.
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  I, I deserve whatever the Lord gives me out of this.
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  And we're not going to be perfect.
• 18:48
  We're all going to mess up somewhere in our life and all of
• 18:52
  us can probably listening to this right now.
• 18:54
  You're thinking of areas where you've messed up already in your
• 18:57
  life, right? Areas that were big grave moral
• 19:00
  sins possibly, or just like, man, you know, I'm, I chose
• 19:04
  wrong and it kind of had some ugly ripple effects there, you
• 19:08
  know, in my life and all that's that's humanity.
• 19:12
  We're going to deal with that because we were born into this
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  unfortunately sinful world, the idea that David had.
• 19:18
  And even after David's life was over, he was still recognized as
• 19:24
  a man after God's own heart. We see two primary characters in
• 19:29
  the two books of first and Second Samuel, and it's Saul,
• 19:33
  and then it's David. Saul was the first anointed king
• 19:37
  over Israel, yet he was the quintessential king that
• 19:42
  everyone would have thought to be king.
• 19:44
  He was. The Bible describes him as
• 19:47
  standing above everybody else. He was taller than all the other
• 19:51
  Jews in Israel, and he looked good.
• 19:54
  And he was. He just had that presence that
• 19:57
  you would go, yeah, that guy, like he's a leader just by
• 20:00
  looking at him. But that's not what God worries
• 20:02
  about the. The picture of masculinity.
• 20:06
  Right, and that's the worldly picture of masculinity as to
• 20:10
  look this way. But God picked now God did
• 20:14
  choose him. And the old whole understanding
• 20:17
  was for Israel to realize they were begging for a king to be
• 20:21
  just like all the other nations. They were like all the other
• 20:25
  nations have this one primary leader and God is just trying to
• 20:28
  be like, I have prophets to speak on my behalf, but
• 20:31
  ultimately God is supposed to be the king of the nation.
• 20:34
  And they're like, I guess, I guess I'm not good and I guess
• 20:37
  God of the universe that created everything.
• 20:39
  I'm not good enough for you. You want some weirdo to sit in a
• 20:43
  throne to actually be your king. So OK, I'll give you 1.
• 20:46
  Here you go. Here's this guy that you think
• 20:49
  would be an amazing leader. In all reality, Saul knew God,
• 20:53
  Saul loved God, but Saul also wanted God to follow his heart
• 20:58
  instead of the other way around. Saul did not actually want to
• 21:01
  follow God's lead. Saul wanted God to follow.
• 21:05
  Whenever we hear or see God or Saul praying to God, we see that
• 21:09
  what he's always asking is for him to do whatever he's going to
• 21:13
  do. Like God, will you just come
• 21:15
  through for me whenever I go do this thing?
• 21:18
  And it's like, that's not how this operates.
• 21:20
  We're to be in submission to God, not thinking that God is
• 21:24
  the genie in the bottle. But that's what David did.
• 21:27
  He's saying, Lord, I want to follow you.
• 21:30
  I want to do whatever you want. David was anointed king as a
• 21:34
  young shepherd boy. His dad didn't even think of him
• 21:38
  as being potentially anointed. When the prophet Samuel came
• 21:42
  into their home, he said, where's all your sons, Jesse?
• 21:45
  His dad brings out all his sons except David.
• 21:48
  David's left out with the sheep. He's like the least thought of.
• 21:51
  He's the least in stature. He's the smallest of all of his
• 21:55
  brothers and everything. And Saul goes, no, don't you
• 21:59
  have another? Because none of these guys are
• 22:01
  it, none of these big strapping men that you would think are
• 22:05
  going to be the anointed one that God really wants to put
• 22:08
  into the kingship of Israel now. And they go, there he is.
• 22:13
  He's out there with the sheep. He's out there serving still.
• 22:17
  He's out there doing his duty still.
• 22:20
  He's out there keeping his focus on the the responsibilities he
• 22:25
  has laid before him. That's what he's focused on.
• 22:28
  And so I'm choosing that guy and that's what we need to be
• 22:32
  modeling. Where's your focus?
• 22:34
  Where's what you have been placed in front of you for you
• 22:38
  to worry about handle and manage and to be good stewards of in a
• 22:43
  biblical way of just properly managing everything in front of
• 22:47
  you and and be submitted to God. Like what does God want you to
• 22:52
  do in your life? And always seeking Him for
• 22:54
  guidance instead of hoping God just comes through on your
• 22:58
  plans. And too often we think that it's
• 23:01
  all about me, it's all about what I want and all these kinds
• 23:04
  of things. And in all reality, we're not
• 23:07
  the creator of the universe. He is.
• 23:09
  Feel like we all do that sometimes I'll catch myself
• 23:12
  sometimes where I really want my plans to to I want my plans, my
• 23:18
  prayers to be answered and really God's plan is bigger than
• 23:22
  I understand. So I catch myself sometimes and
• 23:24
  I'm like, God, what is your plan for me, you know?
• 23:29
  And there's nothing wrong for us.
• 23:31
  Like I don't want to get on here and be like, don't plan
• 23:33
  anything. Sit on the couch and wait for
• 23:34
  God to show up at your doorstep like Amazon and tell you what to
• 23:37
  do. That's not it either.
• 23:40
  It's continue to make plans, but be flexible and ready to adjust.
• 23:45
  If God wants to adjust you somewhere, right, absolutely pay
• 23:49
  your bills, go to work, do all the good things to do those
• 23:53
  provisional things. Love your wife, you know, love
• 23:58
  your kids, spend time with them. Keep your priorities in line.
• 24:02
  Take care of your body, eat right, you know, work out all
• 24:05
  those kinds of things. Like all the list of stuff that
• 24:07
  we kind of already know is just healthy, smart, and morally
• 24:12
  correct, like work, work and do those things.
• 24:17
  But they become so much easier when we're diving into God's
• 24:21
  Word as well, when we're understanding and learning from
• 24:23
  him. And we'll start seeing other
• 24:26
  areas where he's like, I don't know, I kind of feel like we
• 24:30
  need to go in this direction. Or I kind of feel like God is
• 24:33
  operating this way. And the more that we're in His
• 24:35
  Word, the more that discernment of understanding what He wants
• 24:38
  for us to do, we'll start guiding you.
• 24:43
  Absolutely, there's a false version of masculinity that is
• 24:46
  taught that is loud, arrogant, disrespectful to women.
• 24:50
  Like the red pill thing. Not for me at all.
• 24:52
  I'm not going to get too much into that.
• 24:54
  But that's basically what I'm referring to is like the red
• 24:57
  pill community. I consider myself sort of a anti
• 24:59
  red pill guy, but what does true masculinity look like to you in
• 25:04
  contrast? I'll say this there's there's
• 25:06
  nothing wrong with having some guns, enjoying a beard, having
• 25:10
  big muscles, you know, having a beer every once in a while, but
• 25:15
  staying with and being responsible and in control of
• 25:18
  yourself. There's nothing wrong with all
• 25:20
  of those quote UN quote things of being a man, but they don't
• 25:25
  make you a man. That just make you kind of cool,
• 25:27
  right? But being disrespectful to
• 25:30
  women, thinking that I can sit here and make disgusting jokes
• 25:35
  about women, yet you have a daughter at home.
• 25:38
  Like really you know, like my the, I have 3 kids, my middle 1
• 25:44
  is my little girl. And that will bring another's
• 25:46
  perspective to you. You want to sit there and like
• 25:48
  degrade and look at women like meet like all that kind of
• 25:52
  mentality. The world calls it toxic
• 25:55
  masculinity. In all reality it is toxic.
• 25:58
  It's not masculinity, it's boy nature.
• 26:01
  You're still operating like a little selfish, self-centered
• 26:05
  boy. That's that's where all this is
• 26:07
  coming from. You haven't grown up and matured
• 26:10
  into manhood. Manhood brings protection.
• 26:12
  Boys are predators, right? Men provide.
• 26:17
  Boys just want to take for themselves.
• 26:20
  Men are standing up and know how to stand on firm ground on good
• 26:25
  morals. Boys do whatever their feelings
• 26:28
  tell them to do and don't think anything else, right?
• 26:32
  Boys are little immature, quite honestly, forgive my language,
• 26:37
  assholes. All right?
• 26:40
  Like like, let's just be honest with what it is, right?
• 26:44
  And so that's what boyhood is like.
• 26:47
  And there can be 40 year old boys.
• 26:50
  And then I've also seen 19 year old men, 19 year olds that look
• 26:54
  to be self-sustaining, be able to, you know, hold down a good
• 27:00
  job and bring security first to themselves so they can honestly
• 27:06
  prove to a good woman, I can bring security into your life.
• 27:10
  I can bring provision into your life.
• 27:12
  And I can also bring emotional and spiritual growth and
• 27:16
  security in your life as well. Too many guys, they just think
• 27:19
  I've got a job, I've got a truck and I got a house.
• 27:24
  Cool. You should love me, ladies.
• 27:26
  And it's like, no, if that's your checklist, we're we're way
• 27:34
  off. We're way off.
• 27:35
  And the guys teaching the loud, arrogant false masculinity are
• 27:40
  reaching the younger audience. And it's so good what you said
• 27:44
  about it's boy nature. Because what do boys like?
• 27:47
  Fast super cars and pretty ladies and all the stuff that
• 27:51
  they flash in their videos and their content and stuff like
• 27:54
  that. But they are just grown up man
• 27:56
  boys. And that isn't what being a man
• 27:58
  is or what being a man looks like at all.
• 28:00
  And I haven't cracked the code yet on how to make being an
• 28:04
  honorable man look cool to a younger audience.
• 28:07
  You know, that's a code yet to be cracked.
• 28:10
  But I think it's awesome to reach a young audience with that
• 28:13
  message, you know? The problem we have is instant
• 28:16
  gratification versus long term growth, right?
• 28:19
  If we want to be that person later in life, not even just the
• 28:25
  now, but further down in my life, I want to have a woman
• 28:30
  that respects me. I want to have kids that desire
• 28:33
  to be around me and I want to have others that look up to what
• 28:38
  I have to say and respect my opinion.
• 28:41
  Well, I'm sorry, but last time I checked, just because you can
• 28:45
  stand next to a Ferrari, not even own it, you're probably
• 28:49
  just doing that for Instagram. You're standing next to 1 and
• 28:51
  then the real owner walks up right to that thing.
• 28:55
  And none of that actually means that you actually have anything
• 28:59
  worthwhile to say. It just means you're standing
• 29:03
  next to a Ferrari, right? It's it's absolute garbage,
• 29:07
  right? Just because you can pick up the
• 29:11
  biggest breasted woman that probably has zero brains means
• 29:17
  nothing, right? But if I have a beautiful woman
• 29:22
  that's also smart, intelligent, and can also lift me up,
• 29:27
  encourage me and help me where I need that help, man, your life
• 29:32
  is going to be so much better off than you worrying about some
• 29:37
  girl that got your attention. You got her attention, and then
• 29:41
  guess what? She's on to the next thing that
• 29:43
  can get her attention because she has no brain to have 0 focus
• 29:48
  and she's going to have that Instagram mentality.
• 29:51
  You're 1 reel. Who's the next reel right kind
• 29:55
  of thing. And that's unfortunately where
• 29:56
  we're at. We're we're in this what is
• 29:59
  holding my attention now? You don't hold my attention
• 30:01
  anymore. I'm going to go find my
• 30:03
  attention somewhere else. And we see this hookup culture
• 30:06
  through that. We see the divorce rates like
• 30:10
  implementing that as well, right?
• 30:13
  Like being normalized, you know, like more kids are like O2
• 30:18
  Christmases, you know, like all this kind of thing.
• 30:20
  And it's just, it's ridiculous. I rather have one Christmas with
• 30:25
  both my parents then having to get into a car on Christmas Day
• 30:28
  and go one place to another, you know, any of that kind of thing.
• 30:31
  And I don't want my kids to ever have to deal with that either.
• 30:33
  It's a silent, it's not as flashy.
• 30:35
  But in all reality, that's the flex of knowing that I have
• 30:40
  other guys that want to hear what I have to say because I've
• 30:44
  grown up. Grow up man, Let's go.
• 30:47
  It's something I've realized that I want to share more of is
• 30:51
  my real life, like my interactions with my wife,
• 30:55
  hanging out with my kids, you know, when the house is chaotic,
• 30:58
  even like all those little things, you know, I feel like
• 31:02
  that would be more inspirational to guys than a lot of other
• 31:06
  things, you know, like this guy's one actually living what
• 31:09
  he's preaching into. Like, he's a real guy just like
• 31:13
  me, you know? So kind of off topic but I've
• 31:15
  wanted to start doing that more, showing my actual real life and
• 31:18
  what that looks like. Yeah, no, awesome.
• 31:20
  It it, it really is. And I'm not perfect.
• 31:24
  Like, trust me, I am still sitting here as a guy that every
• 31:28
  once in a while my toddler just makes me want to flip out,
• 31:31
  right. My little 2 1/2 year old just
• 31:34
  wants to like, hey, see this milk?
• 31:36
  I'm just going to dump it all over the floor.
• 31:39
  What you think about that? Right.
• 31:40
  So I still live with these like chaotic crazy things that go on
• 31:45
  in life that guys still have to deal with.
• 31:47
  I still deal with, you know, spouse and, you know, spats
• 31:51
  between my wife and I because we're still 2 individuals that
• 31:55
  are thinking of different things.
• 31:57
  And so those little things happen.
• 31:59
  I, I forget things like, Oh, we have a birthday party for one of
• 32:03
  the kids on Saturday and I'm like, oh, I'm made plans with
• 32:07
  John, you know, like what's going on and like I told you,
• 32:11
  you know, and so we, we have those fights and we kind of, but
• 32:15
  we got to figure out, you know, how to get around those like
• 32:18
  little things and still work on that.
• 32:19
  That doesn't mean, you know, all of what I'm saying doesn't mean
• 32:22
  that I walk around and I'm this perfect husband.
• 32:26
  By no means am I that at all. You know, my wife will come on
• 32:32
  and don't get my wife on here generally like.
• 32:35
  This guy forgets everything. Whatever, you know, and it's not
• 32:40
  saying to be perfect, but it is to say that, hey, these are the
• 32:44
  things at the forefront of my mind.
• 32:46
  The forefront of my mind is how, how can I honor my wife today?
• 32:51
  The forefront of my mind is how can I can enjoy my kids more and
• 32:56
  stress out less about everything.
• 32:59
  Like, OK, he turned the milk over all right, he's going to.
• 33:02
  He won't get it because I'm I'm tired of spilling up or cleaning
• 33:06
  up spilled milk all the time. But that other saying of don't
• 33:08
  cry over spilled milk also matters too.
• 33:11
  It's like, hey, do that quick discipline.
• 33:13
  Hey, we don't do this. Whatever.
• 33:15
  And get on to him, but also have the grace that he's 2 1/2 years
• 33:19
  old. And you know what, he may be
• 33:22
  doing that because he wants attention, divert that attention
• 33:25
  to something that's more positive, more beneficial for
• 33:29
  him. You know, take him outside.
• 33:31
  I built a Rockwall in our basement for our kids and it's
• 33:34
  only 7 feet high. So put some mats underneath it.
• 33:36
  But it's long enough that they can climb 1 into the other.
• 33:40
  So because I was like, I'm getting rid of all these toys
• 33:42
  that I know I rather like physical things they can do
• 33:45
  because here, Oh my gosh, thank God, I did that too with this
• 33:49
  past winter that we just had out here, here in Philadelphia where
• 33:52
  we just got like 2 feet of snow about a month ago and
• 33:55
  everything. And these kids were not going
• 33:57
  out doing too much. They play in the snow a little
• 33:59
  bit, but after a while it was like too cold for them.
• 34:02
  So I'm, I'm always thinking, how can my kids have a better time,
• 34:07
  grow up, be more physically active as well to learn to do
• 34:13
  that instead of always looking at a screen.
• 34:15
  And trust me, they love all the screens.
• 34:17
  My son loves all that kind of stuff.
• 34:19
  But I try to even on that, I divert him to, I encourage him.
• 34:24
  He found more like engineering type stuff and like this, I
• 34:28
  forgot what the YouTube channel maybe it is, it's called like
• 34:30
  Crunch labs or whatever. And they're always talking about
• 34:33
  engineering and building different things or whatever.
• 34:35
  And I encourage him. I go, hey, show me that video
• 34:38
  that you watched again of that. Let's watch that together.
• 34:41
  So I'm encouraging him on what he's watching at least towards
• 34:45
  positive things, things that are growing his mind, things that
• 34:48
  are, and he's hearing and seeing me also listen to podcast about
• 34:52
  God, podcast about, you know, being a good man podcast and or
• 34:57
  videos or whatever, those things that are positive towards me and
• 35:02
  positive for our family. And so my kids aren't going to
• 35:05
  catch me watching porn. My kids aren't going to catch me
• 35:08
  doing all sorts of things that I shouldn't be doing because
• 35:11
  that's not what's on my screen. And that's also a matter of like
• 35:15
  what you are doing, what you're watching, what you're taking in
• 35:19
  on for yourself that will come out some way, shape or form
• 35:25
  around to your wife and kids as well.
• 35:27
  And So what are we feeding ourselves as well in our mind
• 35:30
  and our ears and our eyes, all of those things.
• 35:33
  I think I went on so many tangents there, but.
• 35:35
  No, it's all good, man. Oh, by the way, congratulations
• 35:38
  on the the chaplain for the law enforcement.
• 35:41
  Thank you. Yeah.
• 35:43
  Tell me a little bit about that. How did that come about?
• 35:45
  Yeah, I took the course probably about four years ago to be a
• 35:50
  police chaplain. So I've been certified for it.
• 35:53
  And then I assisted A chaplain for a while that was dealing
• 35:57
  with a county over. He was a primary chaplain for a
• 36:01
  SWAT team and I helped him out and we I'd go do like a
• 36:06
  resiliency training or, and kind of chat with them about
• 36:09
  different things. And so I got to meet them and do
• 36:12
  a little bit of that. And then my own county called me
• 36:16
  up in November and noticed that I'd been certified.
• 36:19
  And they're like, hey, would you like to be on our rolls as a
• 36:21
  chaplain for the county and specifically the prosecutor's
• 36:25
  office, But they can dispatch chaplains to any of the local
• 36:29
  PDS within the county. And I was like, yeah, sure.
• 36:32
  It's like, I haven't done it in a little bit, but and then I was
• 36:36
  like, well, let me take a refresher course.
• 36:39
  They offered the course recently refreshed on that.
• 36:42
  Met some other great people, which is another reason I was
• 36:45
  like, I want to take the refresher course because I just
• 36:47
  love networking with other people that are doing that.
• 36:50
  Met some good new friends that are and neighboring churches and
• 36:54
  stuff like that. And we all got sworn in
• 36:56
  yesterday. And so we'll be on this rotating
• 36:59
  call for, you know, we're here to help not only our police
• 37:04
  officers all over, but we're here for the public as well.
• 37:08
  You know, unfortunately, sometimes these are the darkest
• 37:11
  days of people's lives when police have to be involved in
• 37:16
  and some trauma or tragedy, and at least we get to be there in
• 37:20
  some shape or form to help them and to bring a presence that
• 37:24
  gives them strength and comfort so that they can pick up the
• 37:28
  pieces and move on. But for those who don't, who
• 37:30
  might not know what what is a chaplain?
• 37:32
  Or what does a chaplain do exactly?
• 37:34
  Yeah, so I know the big misconception is, oh, you're
• 37:37
  just a pastor and you're you're pushing Christianity on to
• 37:41
  people and go actually, no, we're not actually allowed to
• 37:45
  talk about spiritual things. I'm not allowed to talk about
• 37:48
  the Bible unless you ask me. What we're there to do is to
• 37:52
  bring comfort. What we're there to do is to, as
• 37:56
  general guidance, of course, but it does come from a moral
• 38:00
  background. And so I'm not going to quote
• 38:02
  Scripture to you, but I'm going to say, hey, you know, probably
• 38:06
  drinking too much is not the best way of dealing with your
• 38:09
  stress. You know which I think anybody,
• 38:12
  whether you're in or out of a church, is probably going to
• 38:14
  agree with you that drinking too much is not really a smart
• 38:18
  thing, right? All sorts of things come out of
• 38:21
  that eventually, Duis, all that kind of stuff.
• 38:23
  So we don't want to be doing that, but just being also a
• 38:27
  sense of presence that I'm not a police officer.
• 38:30
  Like that's the other thing. I have no capability to rest.
• 38:33
  I haven't. I don't carry handcuffs.
• 38:35
  I don't carry a firearm for that duty or anything.
• 38:38
  I'm there to bring a sense of peace.
• 38:42
  We're there to sit down and console and also be an ear.
• 38:45
  And we're also confidential, right?
• 38:48
  And so you talk to a police officer that can be used against
• 38:51
  you in the court of law, right? We hear those, the Miranda
• 38:54
  rights always given. But you sit down with a
• 38:57
  chaplain, there's confidentiality in there.
• 39:00
  There's I can talk to you. It's, it's a place I can vent.
• 39:03
  It's a place that I can just sit and cry or do whatever it is
• 39:08
  that you need to do. And the same thing with police
• 39:10
  officers. There's confidentiality.
• 39:12
  You want to, you know, unless you're going to say that you're
• 39:15
  going to hurt yourself, definitely, you know, in a very
• 39:18
  physical way and in an extreme way, or you're going to actually
• 39:22
  go out and hurt somebody else, like you admit to you're going
• 39:26
  to do a crime or something like that.
• 39:28
  Those are reportable. But other than that, talk to me.
• 39:31
  You know, you can bring up your marriage issues that you don't
• 39:35
  want the rest of the PD to know about and they won't, you know
• 39:39
  they won't. And so we're here to just kind
• 39:41
  of be that that sense of comfort ultimately for people.
• 39:45
  So like if a if a police officer is going through something, he
• 39:48
  can share that with you as someone to talk to and get
• 39:51
  support from. Basically it's like a supportive
• 39:53
  listening ear. Yeah.
• 39:55
  That's awesome. Yeah.
• 39:56
  So like, a lot of people might not realize that they need that
• 39:59
  sometimes, you know? No, it and it's, there have been
• 40:04
  some PDS that are like, we don't want any chaplains because maybe
• 40:08
  a bad one came in there. There have been some that we
• 40:10
  heard of that they jumped in. They thought it was going to be
• 40:13
  this giant evangelistic tool. And so some chaplain got into a
• 40:17
  police car one day and like literally whipped out, you know,
• 40:21
  his 13 LB Bible and started going scripture by scripture
• 40:26
  during a ride along with the guy.
• 40:28
  And then that guy said, oh, heck no, you're out of here.
• 40:31
  I don't even know who you are, man.
• 40:33
  That guy later became the chief of APD and is like, we don't
• 40:36
  want any chaplains at all. And just because of that bad
• 40:38
  experience. And that's not what this was all
• 40:40
  for. But ultimately he came around to
• 40:43
  it later when he met a good one. And he's like, dude, that's not
• 40:48
  what we're supposed to do. That guy was unfortunately a
• 40:52
  terrible actor that should not have done that.
• 40:54
  He should just sit with you and get to know you.
• 40:57
  And we're just here to be sounding boards and listen to
• 40:59
  now, of course, you turn around and go, I want to know more
• 41:03
  about God. I want to know more about Jesus.
• 41:05
  Then it's like fair game. You know, you opened up the
• 41:09
  questioning and that's fine. Then we can go into it.
• 41:11
  But chaplains don't do that well.
• 41:12
  Again, congratulations on that. That's all.
• 41:14
  Thank you. But it goes back to being the
• 41:16
  leader of the House. I don't know that.
• 41:17
  I know we talked about that a little bit before, but one of my
• 41:20
  questions in here is a man listening right now has probably
• 41:23
  heard be the leader of your household his whole life, but
• 41:25
  nobody ever told him what that actually looks like.
• 41:28
  What does biblical leadership in a marriage look like in
• 41:31
  practical, everyday terms? Biblical leadership is more
• 41:34
  about serving now don't take that to the full extreme of just
• 41:39
  saying, well, that's where I just wait on my wife handed
• 41:42
  foot. That's not it either, right?
• 41:44
  It's not like literally waiting on her like you're a waiter now
• 41:47
  and serving her that way, but it's bringing, like I said
• 41:50
  before, the, the stability into the home, the, the sense of,
• 41:56
  hey, if something is off, we're going to figure this out
• 41:59
  together. And you bring some like level of
• 42:01
  peace and calm to a stressful situation instead of adding to
• 42:07
  it. You're the, you're the one that
• 42:09
  is there encouraging her whenever she's got endeavors or
• 42:12
  different things that she's going through.
• 42:14
  You're also the one that's willing to say, you know what,
• 42:16
  my wife's work really hard. Maybe she's a stay at home mom,
• 42:20
  you know, she's always with the kids or whatever.
• 42:21
  I'm going to take the kids away and just like and give her a
• 42:24
  day. You know, it's but it's
• 42:26
  leadership also in saying, Hey, honey, I'm going to, I'm going
• 42:30
  to take these on and, and demonstrating a sense of of kind
• 42:35
  of like strength, but strength by also saying I don't have it
• 42:40
  all together. It's OK to say that the, the
• 42:44
  idea of putting out a lie doesn't build strength.
• 42:48
  It actually builds atomosity and concern and worry when you're
• 42:53
  lying. And then you show that you're
• 42:55
  lying because you don't have it all together, right?
• 42:58
  But you say you do. And then all of a sudden
• 43:00
  everything falls apart because you try to handle too much.
• 43:04
  And it's like she's there to help too, right?
• 43:07
  And you guys work together and you come together on different
• 43:10
  problems and things like that. But then it's also recognizing,
• 43:14
  you know, you're helping maintain boundaries for the
• 43:16
  home. That's another good one, right?
• 43:21
  I was, I had a great podcast with the sleep doctor and he
• 43:24
  said one of the, one of the best things that we kind of worked in
• 43:28
  chatting about was the the bedroom should never be the
• 43:31
  boardroom. I don't Yeah, the bedroom should
• 43:36
  never be a board room, right? The bedroom, that's where all
• 43:39
  the, the bedtime pillow talk. Hey, honey, you know, we got
• 43:43
  this and we're going through the calendar and we're going to do a
• 43:45
  grocery list and, oh, it's going to be really tight.
• 43:47
  We can only spend 200, although we probably need $300.00 for
• 43:51
  groceries. And Oh my gosh, you know, how
• 43:53
  can we afford this? And then you're getting into all
• 43:56
  of the minutiae that is running the home and the bedroom should
• 44:01
  be we're going to sleep or we're getting intimate, like, let's
• 44:05
  go, lady, you know, all that kind of good stuff, right?
• 44:08
  The bedroom should be the the, the place of peace, if you will,
• 44:13
  and fun. But then take the boardroom
• 44:16
  somewhere else. And you it's not saying don't
• 44:19
  have those conversations. Just realize where you are,
• 44:22
  because there's a level of when I walk into the bedroom and I
• 44:26
  know that that's where we have difficult conversations, then I
• 44:30
  automatically feel anxiety walking into that room, right?
• 44:35
  It's like walking into your boss's office.
• 44:38
  Yeah. If I walk into my boss's office,
• 44:40
  I have to put on a certain persona.
• 44:43
  I have to, right? I have to be the employee, and I
• 44:47
  have to listen to the boss. And we're in.
• 44:50
  A lot of uncomfortable conversations happen in the
• 44:53
  boss's office. So I don't want my bedroom to
• 44:56
  feel like the boss's office, all right?
• 44:58
  I don't need it to feel like the Grand Inquisition boardroom.
• 45:02
  The bedroom should be, man, this is where I'm going to lay my
• 45:05
  head down. It's peace or I'm getting some
• 45:09
  tonight. You know, one of those kind of
• 45:10
  things, right? That's where that needs to be.
• 45:13
  But if it becomes hostility, then it's like, man, your whole
• 45:15
  house is is hostility. Make that be somewhere else.
• 45:20
  Like, hey, we're going to sit down, we're going to talk
• 45:22
  finances, we're going to talk, you know, planning.
• 45:26
  We're going to talk about a vacation.
• 45:27
  We're going to talk about whatever it is.
• 45:29
  We need to talk about. Juniors going through some
• 45:31
  problems. Let's talk about that.
• 45:33
  Don't do it in the bedroom. But maintaining that boundary as
• 45:37
  a man saying if she starts, well, honey, we need to talk
• 45:40
  about, hey, not here. We either talk about tomorrow
• 45:44
  downstairs or we go down there right now and talk about it.
• 45:47
  But we're not doing this in the bedroom.
• 45:49
  And that's a source of strength right there too.
• 45:52
  Not deny her, but you're guiding her through that.
• 45:56
  And also she may turn around and do the same for you.
• 45:59
  And respecting that, if she's also helping maintain the
• 46:02
  boundaries you guys set, allow her to do that and go.
• 46:06
  You know what, honey? You're right.
• 46:08
  I I shouldn't have brought this up here.
• 46:10
  I mean, we'll talk about it somewhere else, but too often we
• 46:12
  want to get. I'm not wrong.
• 46:14
  You're wrong. Come on, guy.
• 46:16
  Call that the one upping trap one.
• 46:18
  Person says. Something, then the other person
• 46:21
  says something, the one up him, and then it just goes back and
• 46:23
  forth and escalates until it's just this whole unnecessary
• 46:26
  thing. Yeah, no.
• 46:27
  Biblical masculinity should create safety, not fear.
• 46:34
  And so whatever you're doing, if you're creating a sense of fear,
• 46:37
  you know, unless it's towards somebody outside of the family,
• 46:40
  that should not be right, Great sense of fear and somebody else.
• 46:45
  But inside your home, your wife, your kids, all of that, there
• 46:48
  should be a sense of peace and protection and fear should be
• 46:51
  towards anybody else trying to do something that should not be
• 46:54
  towards your home. That's so good about the the
• 46:58
  bedroom shouldn't be a boardroom though.
• 46:59
  I never thought of that before. You mentioned when when we were
• 47:02
  going back and forth in the in the DM you mentioned physical
• 47:06
  ways to be more spiritual or practice your spirituality.
• 47:09
  What does that look like? Well, and I kind of made the
• 47:12
  joke in there like you don't need a whole bunch of candles,
• 47:14
  right? It doesn't need to look like
• 47:16
  some kind of weird seance or anything like weird like that.
• 47:20
  And actually, you don't want it to either.
• 47:23
  Biblical, like just tapping into your spirituality is all about.
• 47:27
  And if you've been at church or anything, you'll hear of these
• 47:30
  spiritual disciplines that we should be doing #1 is just
• 47:34
  reading your Bible. But does that, What does that
• 47:37
  look like for you? It's going to look in so many
• 47:39
  different ways. Nowadays we have these beautiful
• 47:42
  inventions of phones and tablets, and you can get it
• 47:44
  downloaded for free, so you don't have to go into a
• 47:47
  Christian bookstore and buy a physical Bible.
• 47:50
  There's a point where I would recommend having one.
• 47:53
  But you can read it on your tablet, you can read it on your
• 47:57
  phone, You can now have it read to you like while you're
• 48:02
  driving, have a chapter of the Bible that you want to go
• 48:06
  through, maybe one of the books or letters in the Bible and have
• 48:10
  that read to you on your way into work or whatever.
• 48:13
  And it's just trying to allow yourself to understand and
• 48:17
  learn, right? A lot of people say, well, you
• 48:20
  can't just have head knowledge about Jesus.
• 48:21
  It needs to get to your heart. And I was like, well, step one
• 48:24
  is first getting it into your head, then it'll get to your
• 48:27
  heart. So let the guy learn 1st and
• 48:32
  then over time, that's God's business of taking it from your
• 48:35
  head to your heart. Because if I open up and vaguely
• 48:39
  tell you, hey, you need to open your heart to Jesus, well, if I
• 48:43
  physically do that, I'll die, right?
• 48:47
  If I physically open my heart up, I can't do that.
• 48:51
  So how so? I've asked when I first was like
• 48:54
  really following Christ and really trying to learn what this
• 48:57
  Christian faith is all about in this relationship with God as
• 49:01
  how do I humble myself? How do I actually open my heart
• 49:05
  to Christ? And I just get crickets out
• 49:09
  there because I'm asking for tangible things to do because
• 49:12
  what do a lot of our guys do? We do jobs that are physical or
• 49:17
  tangible that we do. We expect I do XYZ and I get XYZ
• 49:22
  result, right? That's a lot of how guys
• 49:25
  typically think, right? If I if I put lumber together in
• 49:29
  a certain way, I equal a desk. If I put lumber together in a
• 49:33
  certain way, I equal a chair. OK, So what are the physical
• 49:36
  things I can do to equal my faith?
• 49:39
  And one of them is read scripture.
• 49:42
  I sorry to tell you there's no other way around it.
• 49:46
  The same thing we've been preaching in churches forever
• 49:48
  and ever really does absolutely work.
• 49:51
  Read your Bible and then it's like, how do I read it?
• 49:55
  I don't know. You put letters together to
• 49:56
  equal words and words equal sentences and then you read it
• 50:00
  right and somebody like, oh, and I'm joking a little bit, but
• 50:03
  it's it doesn't really matter on how you read it.
• 50:06
  Just dive into reading maybe a chapter a day, you know, pick a
• 50:12
  book in there, whether old or New Testament.
• 50:14
  Now there's some suggestions. I would say if you've never read
• 50:17
  it before, my suggestion is starting the New Testament.
• 50:20
  Start with the Gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John and
• 50:24
  start reading through there, reading what Jesus did, listen
• 50:28
  to what he said, all of that. If you get a Bible that has red
• 50:33
  letter Bible, those are all the red letters will be the words of
• 50:37
  Jesus in there, right? And so just start reading the
• 50:40
  New Testament, starting with the Gospels, then Acts, and then all
• 50:44
  of the letters and the epistle letters, and then Revelation,
• 50:48
  right? And then go back and read the
• 50:51
  Old Testament. Because what will happen is now
• 50:53
  you'll see all of the areas that they were pointing to in
• 50:58
  foreshadowing Christ coming through the person of Jesus.
• 51:04
  And so that's a way of doing it. Or you could just pick it up
• 51:08
  like any old book cover to cover Genesis all the way to
• 51:11
  Revelation. All right?
• 51:12
  There's really no wrong way. The only wrong way is letting it
• 51:16
  sit there and collect dust, would you say?
• 51:18
  Just read it for what it is when you're first getting started
• 51:21
  because I feel like a lot of people, they try to like look
• 51:24
  for deeper meanings and things behind it are like, you know,
• 51:28
  you know what I'm saying. But like, I feel like I would
• 51:30
  say just read it for what it is and what it says, you know?
• 51:33
  Yeah, and there's a couple things you should know nowadays.
• 51:37
  I mean, you can easily Google what's the historical context of
• 51:41
  Genesis, What's the, you know, who's supposed to be the author
• 51:45
  who wrote it? What style of literature is
• 51:48
  this? Right?
• 51:49
  Because we do have different styles of literature.
• 51:51
  Psalms is all actually music. It's a bunch of lyrics.
• 51:55
  All of Psalms are different songs, and so all of those were
• 52:00
  to be put in there. So realize that there's a lot of
• 52:04
  language that is artistic and visual that are not specifically
• 52:10
  real, right? It's so that you're not going to
• 52:13
  take literal, but in a spiritual or emotional artistic, you know,
• 52:20
  way. That's what what it's saying.
• 52:22
  A lot of the Psalms are written by David, and David used music
• 52:26
  as a way of expressing even his anguish, even his upset with
• 52:30
  God, even how he just felt like all his enemies surround me like
• 52:34
  wolves or, you know, stuff like that.
• 52:36
  Well, they're not literally wolves, but it feels that way,
• 52:39
  right? And so we can understand at
• 52:41
  least the the symbolic nature of what he's writing in Psalms.
• 52:45
  You have wisdom literature, right?
• 52:48
  And get into Proverbs as the primary book of wisdom
• 52:51
  literature written primarily by King Solomon, which was David's
• 52:55
  son right after David passed away.
• 52:58
  And all of the right Proverbs is great.
• 53:03
  Now, Proverbs is one that sometimes I say don't like.
• 53:07
  It's great wisdom literature. But these are also generalized
• 53:11
  statements, and one of them I specifically point to is raise
• 53:14
  up a child in the way that he or she should go and they shall not
• 53:18
  depart from it. We all know every once in a
• 53:21
  while the few small instances that some kid was raised a
• 53:26
  certain way and absolutely deviated so far off of that path
• 53:30
  and never came home and never did.
• 53:32
  And maybe even because of that got themselves killed.
• 53:35
  So they never got to come back to the way that they were
• 53:38
  raised. And so there is a unfortunate
• 53:42
  percentage that that Scripture doesn't apply, but it's a
• 53:46
  generalized overall in a most case scenario that will apply.
• 53:51
  It's good wisdom to do that, right?
• 53:54
  It's good wisdom financially to invest in the stock market,
• 53:58
  right? For long term, right?
• 54:00
  It's supposed to grow and it's just investing, right?
• 54:03
  It's generalized stuff. Will there be times where it
• 54:06
  takes a fall and we lose money and we're in recessions and all
• 54:09
  that? Yes.
• 54:10
  But over a general long term period, it your money kind of
• 54:14
  grows, right? It's again, it's good
• 54:16
  generalized wisdom literature for us to take.
• 54:19
  And others are narratives. A lot of it is stories.
• 54:22
  The stories of David and 1st and Second Samuel, the stories of
• 54:26
  all the kings after in First and Second Kings and 1st and Second
• 54:30
  Chronicles, the story of Moses, right?
• 54:32
  Of course, in Exodus and all of these other stories that the
• 54:37
  Gospels themselves and everything, all of those are
• 54:39
  narratives that are describing what is happening and from a
• 54:44
  point of view. And so take those for what they
• 54:46
  are. They're a story, right?
• 54:48
  They're people's experience with God and what they were saying on
• 54:52
  how God operated. Even Isaiah, the prophet Isaiah
• 54:56
  wrote that and he is somebody that is has a deep connection
• 55:00
  with God that can actually say this is what God is doing
• 55:04
  through certain aspects. We get a lot of prophetic
• 55:07
  language out of there as well. And so just knowing some of that
• 55:11
  will help you understand. OK, I'm reading songs and in the
• 55:16
  book of Psalms, and then I'm reading wisdom literature or I'm
• 55:20
  reading a story, so that should help out a little bit.
• 55:24
  So it's reading the Bible and then what are some other of the
• 55:27
  physical practices? Yeah, you got some other
• 55:30
  physical practices now this is one that's been convicted me a
• 55:34
  little bit more is I think prayer, of course, is 1.
• 55:38
  Everyone knows. Oh, Christians pray, right.
• 55:40
  OK, yes, we should pray now in praying, an old school look
• 55:46
  standard was to be on your knees, possibly like right be on
• 55:50
  your knees by your bedside. We we've seen pictures of people
• 55:54
  kneeling when they pray and the more Protestant recent, you
• 55:58
  know, ways like you can pray any old way you want.
• 56:01
  Though that is true. I think that there's also a
• 56:04
  level that we as definitely as men understand that body posture
• 56:10
  matters, right? If I'm sitting in this chair,
• 56:13
  I'm sitting back like this. I'm kind of in a prideful
• 56:15
  position. I'm king of the world, right?
• 56:18
  I'm in my throne. So there's a position here where
• 56:21
  I feel I have either some kind of pride or authority.
• 56:25
  And so I can I pray in this position.
• 56:27
  Yeah. But I, it really starts lending
• 56:31
  to our mentality and how we are thinking.
• 56:35
  And it'll lead to your prayers almost being like, God, you need
• 56:38
  to do what I'm asking you to do. Versus if I'm on my knees,
• 56:43
  there's automatically a mentality of submission, right?
• 56:47
  If I walked into the throne room of a king back in the medieval
• 56:50
  times, you know, not just the cool restaurant, but if I walked
• 56:57
  into the throne room of a king back then, the first thing you
• 56:59
  did was bow. The first thing you you did was
• 57:02
  get on your knees. The first thing you did was show
• 57:04
  respect and honor to who you were talking to or, or there is
• 57:08
  going to be hell to pay, quite honestly, right?
• 57:11
  Because you didn't bring any reverence or respect to who you
• 57:13
  are talking to. So we need to do the same thing
• 57:16
  in our prayers. This is not just some spiritual
• 57:19
  being that is there to help you out.
• 57:21
  This is a spiritual being that literally created everything
• 57:24
  that we see around us and ourselves, right?
• 57:28
  Can you do that? No.
• 57:30
  So let's have some respect for who we're talking to and for our
• 57:34
  heart to fall into that posture of submission, our body needs to
• 57:40
  be in that physical posture. So if we kneel more, I take my
• 57:43
  hat off, When am I pray if I'm wearing a hat, like all of those
• 57:47
  things that we just understand culturally to be I am submitting
• 57:52
  versus standing firm, right? Don't we should be praying in
• 57:56
  more of a submitted posture and that's going to help with the
• 58:02
  opening your heart up in a spiritual and emotional way
• 58:05
  towards God, right? I usually do my morning prayers
• 58:09
  pacing around the house kind of, kind of with my hands out, you
• 58:13
  know. But I haven't tried that,
• 58:15
  though. I need to try it like a like an
• 58:17
  act of surrender and prayer. Actually kneeling.
• 58:20
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 58:21
  And you know, I think that that's where I don't fully
• 58:24
  prescribe to being Catholic, but our Catholic brothers and
• 58:27
  sisters got some things going right for them over there too,
• 58:31
  as they kneel a lot, right. And so there's a level that I
• 58:34
  really do believe that that maintains a level of submission
• 58:38
  and, and humbleness to to the Lord, which he wants us to do.
• 58:41
  The the other one is literally go to church, be in communion
• 58:47
  and community with other believers and other men as well.
• 58:54
  Like that matters so much. There's this mentality out there
• 58:57
  that oh, I can read my Bible at home and nowadays churches are
• 59:01
  streaming online so I can just watch it online.
• 59:04
  I will tell you it is night and day difference whether you're
• 59:07
  watching it online or you walk into that building and you were
• 59:11
  with. That for a little bit in the
• 59:12
  COVID era and yeah, slippery slope, but glad to be back in
• 59:17
  physical church for sure. Because like you're saying, it
• 59:19
  is just totally like you. You're there, you know, You feel
• 59:23
  you're in God's house. If you are following Jesus, if
• 59:27
  you are in faith of who Christ is and what he's done for you
• 59:32
  and your on the cross, then you have the Holy Spirit residing in
• 59:36
  in you. If I have the Holy Spirit
• 59:37
  residing in me, I'm in a room with other people that also have
• 59:41
  the Holy Spirit inside of them. You can feel that you can't.
• 59:45
  It's it's like this weird. I can't describe that feeling,
• 59:49
  but you just know it. When I'm in community with other
• 59:52
  people that have the same faith as me, their political beliefs
• 59:56
  may be different, their idea on certain smaller subjects may be
• 1:00:00
  different, but we are all there to basically learn and grow and
• 1:00:04
  follow Jesus better. And so that's that's the place
• 1:00:08
  you want to be. I don't care if you voted blue
• 1:00:11
  and the other guy voted red that forget that.
• 1:00:15
  And if you're overly consumed with that, then you're overly
• 1:00:17
  consumed with the wrong thing because guess what?
• 1:00:19
  Both of them are jacked up. So right, I'm not trying to get
• 1:00:24
  political about it all, but it's just trying to say that if
• 1:00:26
  that's the primary focus of your mind, you're, you are focused
• 1:00:30
  wrong. You are focused wrong.
• 1:00:33
  OK. And so being a, a man of God,
• 1:00:36
  and really, I actually don't like that saying.
• 1:00:39
  I really like, I rather be like David, a man after God's own
• 1:00:42
  heart and don't worry about trying to be a man of God.
• 1:00:47
  I want just want to be a guy that's after God's own heart.
• 1:00:49
  I want to continuously be chasing, what does God want with
• 1:00:52
  me? What does God have for me?
• 1:00:54
  What does God have to say about this?
• 1:00:56
  You know, am I aligned closer to what he wants versus what I want
• 1:01:01
  are my plans, you know, biblical and all, and all of this kind of
• 1:01:05
  good stuff, right? If you're sitting there praying
• 1:01:07
  for boats and Ferraris all day, we may need to talk, right?
• 1:01:14
  But if you're praying for your marriage to be restored, if
• 1:01:16
  you're praying for your kids to grow up well, if you're praying
• 1:01:18
  for you to Lord, help me lead well, if you're praying for
• 1:01:23
  others in the church that are, are sick and, and need and all
• 1:01:27
  of those kinds of things and it really aligns, where is your
• 1:01:30
  heart AT? And if you just almost look at
• 1:01:32
  your own prayers, where what are the general topics of my
• 1:01:36
  prayers? Are they self-centered or are
• 1:01:38
  they external? So prayers are another one.
• 1:01:42
  And even if you want to get even more physical with that, write
• 1:01:45
  them down. Journal your prayers so.
• 1:01:47
  I would try that either. That's learned a lot today.
• 1:01:50
  That's where you can all honestly like because it's a
• 1:01:53
  nice thing to look back on and go, Oh my gosh, man, in the last
• 1:01:56
  year, my prayers have changed. I've realized that before I was
• 1:01:59
  always praying for more provision.
• 1:02:02
  I was praying for my wife to love me.
• 1:02:05
  How about I pray for me to love my wife better?
• 1:02:08
  How about I pray for, you know, instead of more provision for me
• 1:02:12
  to have better spending habits, you know, instead of wanting
• 1:02:16
  more, let me Stewart well with what I have.
• 1:02:19
  I encourage journaling all the time in my podcast and my
• 1:02:23
  content because there is something different about
• 1:02:25
  getting it down on the paper. But writing prayers down I
• 1:02:29
  haven't tried yet, so I'm definitely going to dive into
• 1:02:31
  that too. But you would say that that's
• 1:02:33
  the on ramp for a man who wants to grow spiritually as a man is
• 1:02:37
  Read the Bible, pray, and get into church.
• 1:02:41
  Yeah, no, absolutely. Those are your top three things
• 1:02:44
  right there. And it sounds basic, but I mean,
• 1:02:47
  say here I said like that, you know?
• 1:02:49
  Yeah, the other part is just have, don't, don't have the
• 1:02:52
  expectation it's going to happen overnight like that.
• 1:02:54
  That's we, we want this Instagram society, this TikTok
• 1:02:58
  society that I, I watch a video, I implement one thing and it's
• 1:03:02
  supposed to instantly change, right?
• 1:03:04
  If I walk into church, everyone's going to love that
• 1:03:06
  I'm there. Well, if it's your first time
• 1:03:08
  there because you're a first time guest, they're absolutely
• 1:03:11
  going to love that you're there. And then you're going to go a
• 1:03:13
  second time and a third time and you're going to hope that
• 1:03:16
  everybody will treat you the same way.
• 1:03:17
  They're always going to come up and oh, how you doing, how you
• 1:03:19
  doing, how you doing. And maybe maybe not maybe one or
• 1:03:23
  two, maybe less people will start doing that over time.
• 1:03:27
  But the other part is put yourself out there, right?
• 1:03:30
  Is often we they didn't greet me enough.
• 1:03:34
  They didn't come ask me how my day was.
• 1:03:36
  They they didn't care about me. Well, did you ask about them?
• 1:03:39
  Did you ask about the church? Did you how how can I get more
• 1:03:43
  involved? Is there a men's ministry?
• 1:03:45
  Like, are you asking to also know about them?
• 1:03:50
  And so because communication and community, right?
• 1:03:53
  Community is two ways. It's not I don't, I don't love
• 1:03:57
  being around my friends just because they reach out to me all
• 1:04:00
  the time. Sometimes I got to reach out to
• 1:04:01
  them because they get busy as well, right?
• 1:04:04
  And so it's, it's a two way streak and so you actively go
• 1:04:08
  after it as well. If you want it, you'll go get
• 1:04:11
  it. I feel like I avoid people a
• 1:04:13
  lot, but I need to start especially at church,
• 1:04:15
  introducing myself to people, you know, because like I said,
• 1:04:18
  I'm I'm trying to move towards having more community and
• 1:04:21
  especially male friends who are like minded and things like
• 1:04:25
  that. So.
• 1:04:25
  Yeah. No, it's, it's really, really,
• 1:04:28
  it's really, really important. So, yeah, if your church does
• 1:04:31
  not have a men's ministry and you're getting into it and
• 1:04:33
  you're like really liking your faith and enjoying growing and
• 1:04:36
  you're like, my church doesn't have a men's ministry, guess
• 1:04:39
  what? Maybe you identified the problem
• 1:04:41
  that you need to jump in and that God wants you to help lead.
• 1:04:45
  I've never LED anything like that.
• 1:04:47
  It's not a big deal. You know what you do?
• 1:04:49
  You ask a bunch of guys to come together and you go do something
• 1:04:53
  like last month I took the guys and we went axe throwing.
• 1:04:58
  That's awesome. Like hey guys, let's go axe
• 1:05:00
  throwing and guess what at the end of it.
• 1:05:02
  Hey, any, any prayer requests How we all doing?
• 1:05:04
  We're good, you know, wife, you know, hospital stuff over here.
• 1:05:08
  Not good cool couple requests. All right, we're going to pray
• 1:05:12
  about all that and we had a great day.
• 1:05:14
  Like it doesn't need to be this like we all get together and we
• 1:05:17
  just read the Bible the whole time.
• 1:05:19
  And it's like every once in a while I have one of those like,
• 1:05:23
  hey, we're going to get together and going to sit around the fire
• 1:05:25
  and kind of talk about what God's doing in our life.
• 1:05:27
  So sometimes I have those meetings and then other times
• 1:05:30
  it's like, let's go axe throwing, let's go shooting,
• 1:05:34
  let's go whatever you want. You know, let's go try a new
• 1:05:39
  restaurant and I'll, you know, we'll all do a review on the
• 1:05:42
  pizza at this new pizza place or something, you know, like
• 1:05:45
  whatever it is. So it doesn't always have to be
• 1:05:47
  this like we're all diving into the word all the time.
• 1:05:51
  It can. It's really about, hey, let's
• 1:05:53
  get comfortable with being around each other and growing as
• 1:05:56
  friends. I have one more question for you
• 1:05:58
  that I always ask married guests and it's what is your top tip or
• 1:06:03
  top couple of tips for having a happy, thriving marriage?
• 1:06:06
  Aw, man. Well, we'll go back to get the
• 1:06:10
  stress out of the bedroom, right?
• 1:06:12
  We'll go back to that one. But no, I think the other part
• 1:06:16
  is put your wife first. I think too often both husband
• 1:06:20
  and wife can both put the kids in too much priority.
• 1:06:24
  And sometimes the kids need to hear, no, I'm going to go on a
• 1:06:28
  date with my wife. And I address my wife as that to
• 1:06:35
  my kids sometimes so that they understand she's my wife before
• 1:06:39
  she was your mom. And so understand that this
• 1:06:43
  matters, right? And my 8 year old is all like,
• 1:06:48
  oh, stop kissing and I don't care.
• 1:06:49
  I'll kiss my wife in front of my kids because later on, you know
• 1:06:53
  that he's going to be appreciative that dad loves mom.
• 1:06:57
  And there's no, not overly graphic, but I kiss her and I
• 1:07:01
  hug her, you know, all that kind of stuff in the kitchen and
• 1:07:06
  before I leave the house also, I tell her and the kids, I love
• 1:07:10
  you as my last words. Absolutely.
• 1:07:13
  Because I've seen way too many times where you never know what
• 1:07:17
  your last words are when you leave that door.
• 1:07:20
  Going to work, just going to the grocery store to get milk, you
• 1:07:25
  know, or something. You just, you just never know
• 1:07:29
  when you leave that house by yourself.
• 1:07:31
  You don't know if that's really going to be the last thing you
• 1:07:34
  said. And I don't care if I'm fighting
• 1:07:36
  with her over the biggest thing. Still say, you know what, honey,
• 1:07:41
  though, I still love you. I'm going to go to the store and
• 1:07:44
  I'll be back, you know, or whatever.
• 1:07:47
  Yeah. I'm the same way.
• 1:07:48
  I totally agree. I think people don't consider
• 1:07:51
  that enough, you know, super important.
• 1:07:55
  You don't want your last words to be like, you know, you crazy
• 1:07:58
  B or whatever, as you had a fight and and that's the last
• 1:08:02
  thing that you said to her or the last things you said to your
• 1:08:06
  kids are like, man, I, I really wish you would obey me or, you
• 1:08:10
  know, listen more or all those kinds of like things.
• 1:08:15
  The last thing I want my kids to know, I said, is I love you.
• 1:08:19
  Yes, that's good. Yeah, so those are my little
• 1:08:24
  tips. Well, where can people find you
• 1:08:27
  online? Yeah, so definitely on TikTok.
• 1:08:30
  I also go live in the mornings on TikTok.
• 1:08:32
  I do a Bible study kind of and chat and all of that good, kind
• 1:08:36
  of good stuff at 6:00 in the morning, Eastern till about 7:45
• 1:08:40
  or whatever. And then I go take my kids to
• 1:08:42
  the bus stop. And then on top of it, you can
• 1:08:45
  Yep, valor and vision. So right, the primary account is
• 1:08:50
  Nick VV training. So I am also a Christian life
• 1:08:54
  coach and I'm going to be rolling out some some programs
• 1:08:58
  that I kind of took a step back and was kind of revamping my
• 1:09:02
  whole coaching side of it. But that is also a thing that we
• 1:09:05
  do kind of, hey, how do we identify the vision that we have
• 1:09:08
  for our life? And then how do we also
• 1:09:10
  breakdown different goals in our life to manageable, small,
• 1:09:14
  actionable steps, right? Our goal should be big and scary
• 1:09:18
  and audacious and nerve racking, but how do we then break it down
• 1:09:23
  into capabilities that we can do?
• 1:09:25
  All right, what do we do today to start stepping towards
• 1:09:28
  accomplishing the goal? And so I help you out with the
• 1:09:31
  stuff like that. But yeah, Nick VV training on on
• 1:09:35
  excuse me on TikTok. And then it's Valor and Vision
• 1:09:40
  on Instagram. And then of course in those the
• 1:09:44
  I have like the links to the podcast and all that kind of
• 1:09:47
  good stuff. Yeah.
• 1:09:48
  I'll put all the links to all your stuff in the description of
• 1:09:51
  this episode so people can find you as well.
• 1:09:53
  And yeah, man, it's been awesome talking to you today.
• 1:09:55
  Thanks. Yeah, man on the show we're
• 1:09:56
  going to put you on the Valor and Vision podcast too.
• 1:09:58
  I'm going to have you on so, but yeah, and, and it's, it's really
• 1:10:03
  good connecting with you, man. Thank you for having me on so
• 1:10:06
  much. I really appreciate it.
• 1:10:08
  Absolutely. Thank you guys so much for
• 1:10:10
  watching and listening today. I hope you got something out of
• 1:10:12
  this episode. Thank you so much again to Nick
• 1:10:15
  for being on the show. And once again, the links to all
• 1:10:18
  of his stuff is going to be in the description of this episode.
• 1:10:21
  So definitely go and check him out on his social medias and all
• 1:10:24
  that good stuff and get out there, have a good week.
• 1:10:27
  Kill it. Level up every aspect of your
• 1:10:29
  life. A life of overflowing abundance
• 1:10:31
  awaits you on the other side of you.
• 1:10:33
  Exciting to make the switch, make the change and level up
• 1:10:35
  every aspect of your life. I love you, I'm proud of you and
• 1:10:38
  there's a great calling and a purpose for you in this life.
• 1:10:41
  You listening to this right now and I'll catch you on the next
• 1:10:44
  one. Thanks guys.
• 1:10:45
  Bye.