Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / Some narcissists dont know why they are giving you the silent treatment

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Some narcissists dont know why they are giving you the silent treatment · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people?
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  Today we're going to be talking about how some narcissists do
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  not have a valid reason for giving you the silent treatment
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  if you new here. My name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a clinically diagnosed narcissist and welcome to
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  another episode of the Narcissist Code.
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  Boom. Welcome back, Welcome back.
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  Welcome back, folks. Yes, the silent.
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  So we all know what the silent treatment is.
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  If you don't know, like if you new to my channel, the silent
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  treatment typically happens when a narcissist just removes
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  communication. They're doing this.
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  Zip. They zip the lips.
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  It's damn near like you don't exist.
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  They just refuse to communicate with you.
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  And you know, there could be some valid reasons for the
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  narcissist in their minds. In their minds, why they're
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  giving you the silent treatment. Why you don't deserve their
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  words while they're punishing you with no communication.
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  But a lot of times y'all there are reasons for giving you the
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  silent treatment. Don't really make sense, you
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  know? They really, truly do not make
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  sense to anybody, including you. It doesn't make like just for
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  me, it makes sense to me in my mind.
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  But I'll be embarrassed to say it out loud, you know, because
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  when I say they don't, they don't have a valid reason.
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  Like they could give you the solid treatment because somebody
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  looked at you a certain type of way, like y'all were out in
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  public and somebody decided to look at you a certain type of
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  way. Somebody decided to lay your
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  their eyes on you in a certain type of way.
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  And the narcissistic person who typically are going to be super
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  insecure people, they took it the wrong way and they're
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  holding you accountable for something that somebody else
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  did. Somebody looked at you, somebody
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  smiled at you. Somebody like the somebody
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  laughed at your joke. You laughed at somebody else's
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  joke. Like somebody liked the comment,
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  like they saw you like a picture of your friends getting married
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  or doing something happy. Like they don't have a valid
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  reason for giving you the silent treatment.
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  It's it's in. It's not a valid.
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  To the narcissist, it might be valid, it might make sense, but
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  it's like a it's like inside a narcissist's mind.
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  It's like this internal battle that we have going on that just
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  says like, I should talk to this person, but they don't deserve
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  my words. Like how dare you get attention
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  from someone else outside of this relationship.
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  How dare you laugh at somebody else's joke?
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  How dare you laugh at a joke about me?
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  How dare you point out something that I've done that rubbed you
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  the wrong way? How dare you try to hold me
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  accountable? How dare you?
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  And that's the mindset of it right there.
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  Y'all Again. Again.
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  Again. I absolutely know that it sounds
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  ignorant. That's me telling you right now.
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  It's embarrassing. It's shameful because I'm.
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  I have the personality disorder and I do that, right?
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  I have this personality disorder and I do it correct.
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  So if I'm doing this and I have this personality disorder,
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  there's so much going on inside of my mind that I I don't want
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  to admit why, why? I'm giving you the silent
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  treatment. And I will tell you this as a
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  person who's dealing with it. If you're dealing with the
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  silent treatment for my narcissist, do not guess why
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  they're doing it, especially like you can guess internally.
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  Let me rephrase that. Do not guess out loud to this
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  person why they are refusing to talk to you, why they're
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  ignoring you, why they are pretending you don't exist.
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  Do not guess out loud because you could give them a valid
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  quote, UN quote, valid reason to give you the silent treatment.
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  And now you just admitted to it. So now you you're definitely in
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  the wrong. So don't like you can guess
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  inside of your mind and just be like, OK, maybe somebody looked
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  at me maybe like this is inside of your mind.
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  Maybe somebody looked at me. Maybe they took something the
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  wrong way. Maybe they misinterpreted
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  something. I said maybe they're going
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  through something and they don't want to talk about it.
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  Maybe, maybe maybe ask yourself that question right there.
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  You know ask yourself that those questions right there.
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  I mean maybe the last question you can ask them, are you going
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  through anything that you want to talk about?
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  Maybe you can ask them that but typically you don't want to have
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  to ask them that like because if you guessing out loud like is it
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  because I went out with my friends?
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  Is it because I laughed at the waiters joke?
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  Is it because somebody told me I I dressed nice?
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  Is it because somebody told me that I had a nice haircut?
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  Is it because somebody told me they like my nails?
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  Is it because somebody told me they like my dress or they like
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  my tuxedo? Is it because somebody told me I
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  had a nice body? Is it that you know you're
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  giving all these gases and you're just giving them more
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  ammo? You know, you could be
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  amplifying, you could be amplifying the silence.
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  Imagine turn like it's gonna sound silly, but imagine turning
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  the volume up on your silence, on the on the silent treatment.
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  Because now you've given them valid reasons inside of their
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  mind, so now you know they're mad at you.
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  Like silent treatment is a form of passive aggressive anger, of
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  course. Because a lot of narcissists and
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  toxic people give you the silent treatment as a form of passive
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  aggressive anger, that's exactly what it is, you know, it ends up
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  just being super passive, super aggressive anger.
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  And like they don't know how to express themselves in a in a
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  healthy way, so they just, they don't know how to express
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  themselves in a healthy way. So it just that's how they just
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  give you the silence. They just give you silence.
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  Instead. I'm going to remove my
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  communication from you. Yes, the silent treatment is is
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  external. It's them expressing externally
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  some type of anger or insecurity.
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  But the reasons behind it could be stupid.
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  Y'all. Well, Lee, you said some stupid
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  reason. What are some valid?
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  There's no valid reason to get somebody to decide the
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  treatment. There's no valid reason to not
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  communicate with somebody. There's no valid reason.
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  Yeah, absolutely. There's no valid reason to you,
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  to you. But in the mind of a narcissist,
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  it's all valid. It might not make sense, but
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  it's valid. But it's embarrassing.
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  I'm not going to tell them I'm mad.
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  And so because somebody told them that they dress nice, I'm
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  not going to tell them because this make me listen.
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  That's embarrassing me. They make me look insecure.
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  But I'm just saying I'm still going to be silent, though.
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  And then that's the crazy thing about it is I'm going to.
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  I'll tackle more about this later, But some of them will go
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  silent on you and then pretend like nothing happened.
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  When they finally started talking to you again after a few
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  days, few weeks, whatever, they'll talk to you again and
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  pretend like nothing happened. Hey, babe, how you doing?
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  What's going on, son? Hey, daughter, whatever it is.
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  Hey, mom, whatever it is, they'll pretend like nothing
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  happened and then you're left confused as hell, right.
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  You're left confused. You don't know what the hell is
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  going on. You just trying to make you, you
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  just trying to figure things out, right.
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  You're trying to figure it out. But they that's how they do you.
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  That's how they treat you. That's how they you know, they
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  they this is how this relationship goes.
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  You're just trying to figure things out.
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  What they're making. They're just causing chaos.
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  They're just causing chaos. You're trying to figure it out.
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  But I said they don't have a valid reason.
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  But like, it's embarrassing to say that type of stuff out loud,
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  but valid reasons to a narcissist could be you
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  disrespecting them. They took something you did or
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  something somebody else did to you or towards them as
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  disrespect. You didn't defend me against so
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  and so. So I'm holding you accountable.
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  You didn't say this, you didn't say that.
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  So this is your fault. I'm holding you accountable.
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  You see, that's the mindset of of it all.
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  Like they're going to hold you accountable.
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  You could decide the treatment could be them holding you
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  accountable for something that somebody else has done to them,
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  something that somebody else has put them through, something that
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  somebody else has, you know, made them deal with it.
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  Would not somebody something that somebody else has triggered
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  a response from them? And you know, you're getting
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  held accountable, you're getting blamed, you're getting this
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  stuff put on to you. And yes, I understand that it's
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  not fair, but today is anything fair in the relationship with a
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  narcissist is anything. Let's be let's be real.
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  Let's keep it hot and ready. Like a Little Caesar's pizza.
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  Is anything fair inside of a relationship with a narcissist?
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  It's like it's never going to be fair.
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  You know, it's never going to be fair.
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  And very rarely do they have a valid reason.
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  Like if you've done something wrong, then, yeah, they can be.
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  They can give you the silent treatment and that they can be a
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  valid reason if you literally done something wrong that you
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  can admit to doing wrong. But still, even your admittance
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  just gives them the permission structure to give you the silent
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  treatment. Let's just say you did raise
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  your voice at them, right? Let's say you did yell at them
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  and they just, oh, I can't talk to you.
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  Then I'm going to be, I'm going to give you the silent treatment
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  because you yelled at me. Even if you apologize for
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  yelling letter there, it doesn't, you know, you see what
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  I'm saying? It doesn't mean they're going to
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  talk to you. You shouldn't have yelled at me
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  so that when I don't talk to you, this is me holding you
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  accountable. You yelled at me, I'm going to
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  be silent to you. You know, every action has an
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  opposite, and desert has an opposite or equal reaction, you
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  know, But that's how it goes in these relationship dynamics.
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  You know, valid reasons. When I go like, say you
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  disrespected them, you got angry at them, you might have actually
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  done something wrong to them, but the narcissist is all going
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  to be weirdly valid to them. They can explain it to, they can
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  explain it and validate it within their own minds.
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  But when it comes to try to explain it to somebody else, to
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  try to explain it to you, or to try to tell somebody else where
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  they actually mad at, it's embarrassing.
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  So they don't say it. You know, they won't say it.
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  They won't tell their friends and family members that they're
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  giving you the silent treatment because you laughed at the joke
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  with somebody else. They're not going to do that
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  because how does they benefit them in any way to tell say out
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  loud that I'm going to do this and I'm, I'm going to do that,
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  You know, yeah, I'm mad at them because of this.
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  I'm mad at them because of that. They're not going to say some of
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  them won't say it because they're embarrassed if they're
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  ashamed of it. You know what I mean?
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  It is shame. Does this shame bills to the
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  service shame, you know, manifest?
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  That shame grows. Shame grows in the dark.
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  It just does. So the more the longer they give
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  you the silent treatment, the more shame that they probably
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  feel, so that the longer they might, instead of just dealing
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  with the shame, they just perpetuate it.
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  They just feed it. They just keep it in the dark.
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  Because we all know that most narcissists are not very good at
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  communicating anyway. So this is their, their.
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  This is a method of communication for some of them,
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  you know. And I'm going to end this with,
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  you know, I know I do some. I've done a few videos about the
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  silent treatment. The BET will let you told us the
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  valid, invalid reasons. They don't make sense to me, but
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  we know you're trying to help. Blah blah blah Boo Boo BBB.
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  Tell us how to deal with the solid treatment to deal the best
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  way to deal with the solid treatment to me.
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  To me, it might not work for you, so be careful.
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  Of course, use discretion is to just try to enjoy the silence.
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  Y'all try to find some peace in the silence.
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  Because a lot of times y'all have narcissists that don't know
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  how to shut the hell up. Let's keep it real.
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  Some of them don't stop talking unless they give you the silent
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  treatment. This is a this could be a
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  peaceful time for you, you know? So learn how to like, start
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  knitting, read a book, go to the gym, do something.
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  During this time period you're going to get in trouble anyway,
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  so it is in this space right here.
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  You might as well get in trouble doing something that you want to
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  do. Read a book.
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  Have some fun. Do something.
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  Enjoy the silence. Do some.
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  Meditate because you see what I'm saying.
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  Because if you learn to enjoy the silence, it's no longer
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  they. They very rarely can use it
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  against you as a punishment because you're enjoying it.
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  Oh, you're going to give me the silent treatment again?
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  Cool. I'm going to the gym.
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  Cool. I'm going to go do something you
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  said I couldn't do. Cool.
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  And there's a lot of time. I tell this to people as well.
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  Use the silent treatment as a platform to understand that you
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  can live without them. They're teaching you how to live
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  without them when they give, when they give you the silent
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  treatment, they teaching you that you don't have to
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  communicate with them. You don't have to talk to them
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  to to survive and to thrive and to live.
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  You don't have to do that type of stuff.
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  So again, they might be teaching you how to live without them
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  inadvertently by giving you the silent treatment.
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  There's another way you can look at it, you know, enjoy the
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  silence, you know. But I will say this as well.
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  If you have something important that you need to say, like
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  scheduling, scheduling wise or whatever, say it out loud or
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  text it to them. Put it in writing so they can
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  see it. So if they when they do start
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  talking to you again, they can't hold this against you.
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  Or they they still might try to hold it against you, but at
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  least it's written down, right? At least you have it written now
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  and whatnot. But anyways, y'all thank y'all
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  so much for tuning in. I truly appreciate every single
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  one of y'all. Of course subscribe to the the
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  I appreciate y'all but the hold this is out peace.
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  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
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  You are a mental illness rock star and I appreciate you for
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  being here. If you haven't already, make
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  sure to click on the screen to subscribe to the channel and
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  watch another one of my videos on my playlist.
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  on Amazon so check that out. Thank you.
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  I will see you in the next video.
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  Peace.