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Family Play Therapy: 3 Signs a Parent Is Ready (and 3 Signs They're Not) · Next Level Play Therapy: A Podcast for Play Therapy Excellence

• 0:02
  Welcome to Next Level Play Therapy, a weekly podcast dedicated to supporting the next generation of child and adolescent therapists to provide exceptional play therapy services.
• 0:14
  We'll explore all things play therapy to elevate your work with children and adolescents using the therapeutic powers of play.
• 0:23
  I'll discuss practical tips and ideas so you can provide a transformative experience for your young clients and make a real difference in their lives.
• 0:33
  So get ready to take your play therapy skills to the next level and make a lasting impact in the lives of children, adolescents, and families Hey there.
• 0:50
  Welcome to this week's episode of Next Level Play Therapy, and today we are talking about how to know when parents are ready to participate in family play therapy sessions.
• 1:04
  Because parent readiness is i- to enter into the family play therapy session is just as important in the, as the child being ready to have the parent in that family play therapy session.
• 1:22
  Because when you're doing family play therapy sessions, the vehicle for changing shifts from you and the child as the therapeutic agent of change, meaning you as a therapeutic agent of change, and using the toys between you and the child.
• 1:43
  Now it shifts to that parent-child relationship, and that relationship being the therapeutic agent for change.
• 1:55
  So the parent now becomes that therapeutic agent of change for their child or children.
• 2:04
  If you have your client plus the rest of the family in there, then you're looking at those relationships as the focus of the healing process.
• 2:17
  And so how do you decide when a parent is ready to join that family play therapy session and when they're not?
• 2:28
  So we're gonna talk today about three signs that you can look for.
• 2:33
  These are not exhaustive.
• 2:37
  They are, um… In my experience, they're pretty inclusive, meaning these are typically things that I see, uh, to help me kind of navigate when to bring a parent in, or whether or not it's gonna be healing to bring that parent into the family play therapy session.
• 3:04
  And then three signs that maybe they're not ready.
• 3:09
  Maybe they need more time.
• 3:12
  Maybe they need more coaching and some attachment-based parenting strategies.
• 3:21
  Maybe they need more time understanding expectations.
• 3:27
  What is your role and what is their role in the process?
• 3:31
  So maybe sometimes you have to spend a little bit more time with them.
• 3:35
  So that is what we are talking about today.
• 3:38
  I think, uh, family play therapy is a really, really powerful modality.
• 3:45
  I use an attachment-focused family play therapy model.
• 3:49
  That's the one I created to help me bring parents in and to use family play therapy with that attachment lens to it So this is something I feel really strongly about.
• 4:07
  I love using family play therapy with my clients.
• 4:11
  At some point, I'm usually, not always, bringing parents into the play therapy process.
• 4:21
  And so the question that comes up a lot when I'm doing consulting, especially this comes up a lot in Play Therapy Academy, it's coming up now that we're getting Play Therapy Elevation Circle off the ground.
• 4:37
  Play Therapy Academy is where we do a deeper dive.
• 4:40
  It's more skill building and helping you develop your, um, clinical case conceptualization, and then how do you use your play therapy model through all the stages.
• 4:54
  So Play Therapy Academy is, is more skill-based using my, the almost 35 years experience plus the collective, I say the collective brilliance of the people in the, in your cohort.
• 5:13
  I feel like together we bring a really, um, well-rounded and amazing ability to support play therapists who want to learn to take their skills much, much deeper and gain more confidence.
• 5:30
  So this comes up a lot in Play Therapy Academy,
• 5:35
  which is: How do I know when parents are ready?
• 5:39
  which is: Should I bring parents in?
• 5:41
  which is: Because the question that I find comes up a lot is play therapists are reluctant to include parents, I think predominantly because they don't really have a model to use, and so they don't have a way to… that, that's gonna guide them through the process.
• 6:01
  which is: I think the other thing is the topic that we're talking about today.
• 6:05
  which is: So that's why I thought it would be a good topic, because it comes up a lot, and that is, how do I know when to bring them in?
• 6:13
  which is: Or even more importantly, the question is usually: How do I know if it's not gonna work, or what if something happens?
• 6:25
  which is: And so essentially, how do I know if caregivers or parents are ready to join, and what would that mean for the child to have the parent in there?
• 6:38
  which is: So that is what we are talking about today.
• 6:42
  which is: If you're watching the live stream, I would love to know who's here.
• 6:46
  which is: Post your name in the comments.
• 6:48
  which is: Post where you're from, what population you work with.
• 6:52
  which is: Are you using family play therapy?
• 6:55
  which is: Are you not using family play therapy?
• 6:57
  which is: And if not- Uh, why aren't you using family play therapy?
• 7:01
  which is: I'm guessing it's probably one of the things that comes up a lot in Play Therapy Academy, which is, uh, like, what if it goes wrong?
• 7:10
  which is: How do I know if they're ready?
• 7:11
  which is: All the things that we're gonna talk about today.
• 7:14
  which is: So feel free to join the conversation.
• 7:17
  which is: If you're watching live or if you're watching the replay, also feel free to join in.
• 7:23
  which is: If you're listening on the podcast, feel free to send me an email with… and let me know your, your experiences or your questions.
• 7:34
  which is: Also, if you're listening on the podcast, I would love it if you would leave a review.
• 7:39
  which is: I think you can leave them on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.
• 7:44
  which is: You can leave a review or a comment there.
• 7:47
  which is: Your feedback is really useful, plus it also helps other people get the information.
• 7:53
  which is: So if you're watching on LinkedIn or if you're watching in my Facebook group or you're watching on YouTube, please feel free to share the information with colleagues you think might benefit from, from it.
• 8:06
  which is: So let's get started for today.
• 8:08
  which is: Today, we are talking about family play therapy, three signs a parent is ready and three signs they're not.
• 8:19
  which is: So- What we're thinking about, uh, we're thinking about family play therapy sessions, and really this episode kind of focuses on understanding that the parent's readiness for entering to the family play therapy session is just as important as the child's readiness to have parents or siblings enter into the family play therapy sessions.
• 8:49
  which is: 'Cause here's what I see happening pretty frequently, is parent, a play therapist will have the parent join the family play therapy session, and it doesn't go, doesn't go well.
• 9:06
  which is: And maybe, maybe you went to the lobby, and your adorable client looked at you with such innocence and eagerness in their cute little face and their cute little voice, and they say to you, "Can my mom come?" Or, "Can my dad come?" And you look at… And then, you know, you have that split second moment to think about, uh, what should I do?
• 9:31
  which is: And then there's a part of your brain that says, well, it's important to have parents in there, and my client is asking, so it must be okay.
• 9:44
  which is: And then what ends up happening is it doesn't go well, or maybe you do it for a couple of sessions.
• 9:51
  which is: It's awkward.
• 9:53
  which is: You're not sure if it's working.
• 9:56
  which is: You're not sure what you're supposed to do.
• 9:58
  which is: You're not sure what parents are supposed to do.
• 10:02
  which is: And so then you wonder what parents think about play therapy if you're actually helping.
• 10:10
  which is: And so these are the things that I find come up a lot, and I think it's important to conceptualize what play therapy is gonna look like, and this is your clinical case conceptualization skills, and it's also gonna be influenced by your play therapy model.
• 10:30
  which is: And so these are really important things to consider when you are deciding yes or no, are you going to use family play therapy sessions?
• 10:42
  which is: And part of that decision-making is, how do I know when parents are ready to join the session?
• 10:51
  which is: And so there are some indicators about readiness.
• 10:56
  which is: So, um, let me go over those now.
• 11:00
  which is: Three signs a parent is ready to join a family play therapy session.
• 11:05
  which is: One of those is- Do they know their role even?
• 11:11
  which is: Have you had conversations with parents prior to the family play therapy session about what is their role, what is your role, what is the purpose of those family play therapy sessions?
• 11:29
  which is: I think you need to have those conversations first to help you figure out when is a good time to include them.
• 11:40
  which is: Because part of what you're gonna be doing in those parent-only sessions is having these conversations.
• 11:47
  which is: You'll have conversations about the child's treatment and, you know, what's going on and those things.
• 11:53
  which is: If you're considering including parents in the sessions or doing family play therapy sessions, then you really need to be having conversations with them first prior to bringing them in, and that's also gonna give you an idea of whether they're ready and if you need to do-- how much, not if, I think you do, what kind of preparation do they need?
• 12:23
  which is: One of the other things that you're gonna be assessing during this time is can the parent enter into the child's world without trying to control them, um, and directing them?
• 12:42
  which is: A parent's readiness for the play therapy session means that they understand that this isn't a classroom.
• 12:51
  which is: They understand that we're focused on the relationship, and children build relationship through playing, having a dedicated time engaging in mutually enjoyable activities, that they're having fun together, that they're, they're being playful.
• 13:11
  which is: And that helps to build the relationship.
• 13:16
  which is: Now, you're gonna do other things in there along the way, depending on the focus you have.
• 13:22
  which is: In play therapy, though, we understand play is the vehicle for change.
• 13:27
  which is: So part of what we're assessing is can parents enter into that playfulness with their child?
• 13:35
  which is: Can they sit on the floor and let the child direct the narrative?
• 13:40
  which is: Or if that child builds a crooked house or does something not right, you know, not logical, can the parent follow along and just engage in the play with them without correcting them, "No, it has to be this way or that way"?
• 14:03
  which is: Because then it's more about control, and it's not about relationship.
• 14:09
  which is: And the p- family play therapy sessions are different than being at home This is a dedicated time to engage in that playful process, engage those therapeutic powers of play to build that relationship.
• 14:29
  which is: And I would say that includes even when you bring siblings in, you're looking at how parents are managing the dynamics, uh, and can they, can they structure as well as engaging in the play.
• 14:47
  which is: Because we do want them to structure, that's part of where you're helping them understand what is their role and what is your role.
• 14:56
  which is: So they do need to structure, but it, it can't override engaging relationally in play, that if they're just gonna strictly control.
• 15:12
  which is: That I had this happen, this was y- a couple decades ago, probably more than that actually, but at least a couple decades ago.
• 15:20
  which is: And this was back when I was really pretty new to the process.
• 15:25
  which is: And I, my foundational training is family therapy.
• 15:28
  which is: That was my foundational training, so I was kinda used to family therapy.
• 15:34
  which is: And then e- engaging the, the play therapy part of that, um, was p- kind of what I was new at, at the time, a long time ago.
• 15:43
  which is: And an example of this would be we were doing family play therapy sessions with the parent, and this parent spent the whole time directing and teaching the play more in, like, teacher mode rather than relational mode.
• 16:04
  which is: And my takeaway from that, you know, hindsight makes this brilliant, right?
• 16:09
  which is: My takeaway from that was two things.
• 16:12
  which is: One, I didn't prepare the parent for what this was gonna be like.
• 16:18
  which is: Partially 'cause I didn't really know myself.
• 16:21
  which is: I was kinda new to it.
• 16:24
  which is: And I hadn't, I hadn't quite figured out the, the play therapy model yet.
• 16:30
  which is: And, um I think, uh, the kind of the thing that made it not go so well is that I hadn't prepared parent and helped them understand the process.
• 16:44
  which is: I, I had done a little bit of it, but I think in hindsight, you know, to get more wisdom and experience, you're like,"Oh, okay, I get this now." Um, but you know, those are great learning opportunities.
• 16:56
  which is: That's kinda how I look at it.
• 16:58
  which is: I don't look at them as failures.
• 17:00
  which is: I look at it as, okay, what do I need to learn from this?
• 17:03
  which is: And so now I, I just kind of pass that along to you guys.
• 17:07
  which is: And we share a lot of this in Play Therapy Academy as well.
• 17:12
  which is: So that's one.
• 17:13
  which is: Can the child follow… Sorry.
• 17:16
  which is: Can the parent follow the child's lead without correcting them or, um, going into teacher mode?
• 17:26
  which is: Can they use curiosity in the session to kind of explore and engage in that play process?
• 17:36
  which is: Um, and if, you know, are they, are they viewing the child as, um, somebody who needs them to tell them what to do even in, in the play therapy process?
• 17:52
  which is: Because if they're using curiosity, they'll engage playfully in a way that kinda shows an, a desire to connect with their child, to kinda see the world from the child's eyes, and explore those kinds of things.
• 18:15
  which is: And then can parents regulate their own emotions during those play therapy sessions?
• 18:21
  which is: Because if a child gets dysregulated in there, then the parent needs to… That would- that's like the perfect time to practice doing co-regulation.
• 18:34
  which is: Here's a caveat that I would add to that is have you built enough trust with the parent that they can use you for support?
• 18:45
  which is: Because if you haven't built enough trust, then they might not be ready.
• 18:50
  which is: Because when something comes up, you're gonna be providing support to the parent to help them regulate and co-regulate in there, and can parent use you for support in that process so that they can practice using those attachment-based parenting skills?
• 19:12
  which is: Um, and the other part is, is the parent willing to self-reflect?
• 19:19
  which is: Are they willing to use self-awareness to recognize what's going on in them when something happens with their child so that they can understand, "I need to figure out, is it me getting triggered or is something going on with my child? And if I'm triggered, am I gonna be able to respond to that in a way that's gonna be effective?" And if the, the answer is no, then they might need more work Some, so part of what we're helping parents learn is to, to do that self-reflection.
• 20:04
  which is: One of my favorite models, attachment models, it's a parenting, uh, program.
• 20:11
  which is: It's called Circle of Security, and they have a term that they, that they use in Circle of Security called shark music.
• 20:19
  which is: And so it essentially, it's being able to recognize my own internal distress or when something from my own life experiences or maybe my own childhood that still c- creates some reactivity in me, did that just get activated?
• 20:39
  which is: Because when that happens, my ability to accurately assess what's going on with my child and to be able to attune with my child in that moment is significantly impaired.
• 20:52
  which is: So that self-awareness is a really important skill that we want parents to learn, and we n- we need them, they need to be able to do that in the session.
• 21:07
  which is: Within the family play therapy session, if, if you've built time in those parent only sessions w- building trust that parents are, are feeling comfortable enough to use you for support so that i- if something comes up, they feel comfortable that you're not gonna judge them, that you'll kind of help them through that process, kind of coaching in the moment, or after the fact when you're doing a parent only session.
• 21:43
  which is: In my f- uh, family play therapy model, attachment focused family play therapy model, part of the st- like the structure is we do like four family play therapy sessions, and then we do a parent only session.
• 21:58
  which is: Then we do four family play therapy sessions, and then we do a parent only session.
• 22:03
  which is: Those parent only sessions are a crucial part of the model because that's where you're helping parents and you're joining with them to create those shifts.
• 22:16
  which is: So pa- you, parents need to be able to use you for support, and part of what you're assessing in terms of their readiness is, are they able to use your support?
• 22:29
  which is: Are they able to do that self-reflection and use self-awareness so that they can use those skills when something happens and navigate that with their child through that co-regulation process so that they can be present rather than defensive and angry in the session?
• 22:56
  which is: So those are, those are three signs to think about when you're considering is a parent ready to engage in the play therapy process, family play therapy process.
• 23:11
  which is: And then three signs that they may not be ready to engage in the family play therapy sessions are that they are really kind of, um, I'm gonna s- use the word stuck because I don't have a better word r- right in this moment.
• 23:32
  which is: But if they, they're kind of stuck in that you're, you're like the car mechanic and you're there to fix their child.
• 23:41
  which is: Like it's you're going to fix this problem, and they are… Typically, when that happens, they're heavily behavior focused, maybe kind of stuck in old school parenting.
• 23:55
  which is: That's what I call it.
• 23:56
  which is: Back in the day, parent- kids just did what parents said and, you know, there were consequences if they didn't obey.
• 24:07
  which is: And, um, while there are aspects of that that are still important, I would rephrase that as we need to have structure and boundaries for sure.
• 24:20
  which is: We need to hold limits.
• 24:21
  which is: We need to do those things.
• 24:23
  which is: But equally, equally as important, and you could even make the case this part is probably even more important than the consequences, is the relationship.
• 24:38
  which is: Because the relationship is what facilitates that healing process, and that's what creates the secure attachment relationships.
• 24:51
  which is: And we know from tons and tons and tons of research that children with secure attachment relationships with at least one parent are much more resilient.
• 25:02
  which is: They're able to, um, tolerate their distress better.
• 25:08
  which is: They bounce back better.
• 25:10
  which is: They feel better about themselves.
• 25:11
  which is: They have, their belief systems about theirselves are much, much more positive, and we know that that helps to Create, not create, but what is the word that I want?
• 25:28
  which is: Helps them develop into healthy, well-functioning, not perfect, but well-functioning, effective adults who can navigate life more effectively.
• 25:43
  which is: So if, if the parent is really only focused on fixing the child and using behavior strategies to do that, um, they might express things like,"Play therapy isn't working.
• 26:01
  which is: This… Why are we just playing?" And if that's the case, then probably what they're not understanding is the playing is the vehicle for healing, because we're helping to repair the relationship and strengthen that parent-child relationship, and that is the key to everything, and knowing how to do that.
• 26:22
  which is: Because a lot of times what I've found Is when we're working with parents, here's… I'm gonna even back up a little bit more with that, and this is my very firm belief.
• 26:34
  which is: If you have listened to any of my previous episodes, you have heard me talk about this probably nine million times, um, because I, I believe this to my core, that when you work with a child, you work with that family system generationally, not just who's in their house now.
• 26:55
  which is: You're working with the childhood experiences of parents and their parents.
• 27:03
  which is: And at some point, especially if there's been attachment wounds and trauma wounds or maybe grief and lo- grief and loss, death of a loved one, or maybe parent grew up in a home where one of their parents died when they were young, and how did that get handled?
• 27:27
  which is: When you are working with children, you are working generationally with their family system.
• 27:32
  which is: You're working with those sibling relationship dynamics.
• 27:37
  which is: You're working with how well parents co-parent.
• 27:41
  which is: That all of that shows up in the playroom one way or another.
• 27:48
  which is: And so part of, to me, the benefit of the family play therapy sessions is you get to see those dynamics in real time, and you also get to help create shifts in real time in those family play therapy sessions.
• 28:07
  which is: The thing is, though, parents who are not ready to do that are not going to do it.
• 28:14
  which is: And so y- you wanna think about the parents' willingness to… If they're kind of stuck in fix it and behavior and they don't, they don't see the value of play, then inviting them into the playroom without any preparation is probably not gonna go very well.
• 28:39
  which is: That's been my experience.
• 28:41
  which is: The other thing you wanna look for in the… is the parents' ability, um, how, how do they- Interact with their child.
• 28:53
  which is: What is the dy- dynamic around correction?
• 28:57
  which is: Do they, do they use shaming and blaming?
• 29:01
  which is: Do they lecture?
• 29:03
  which is: Do ask rapid-fire questions so it feels like an interrogation to the child?
• 29:08
  which is: Do they say, "Why did you do this?" Or like, "Why are you doing this to me?
• 29:15
  which is: You…" Like, "You just are try- I- You're just trying to get on my nerves." Those, none of those are good signs, um, that they're ready, that parents are ready to come into the playroom.
• 29:29
  which is: And sometimes you don't know until… You might have done some prep and felt like things were ready, and then you try it, and these things happen.
• 29:39
  which is: I don't consider these failures.
• 29:41
  which is: I think they give you more information about parents' readiness, or maybe they need a little more preparation.
• 29:51
  which is: The other thing that I find hap- oh, and, and kind of another example that comes up for this all the time, and, uh, if, even if you're not doing family play therapy sessions, you probably get this as well.
• 30:05
  which is: And I think a lot of it is because parents don't really understand the process, which family play therapy sessions can help with this.
• 30:15
  which is: And sometimes if you hear this from parents, it's an indication they need a little more preparation before you bring them into the playroom.
• 30:25
  which is: So if they say things like, you're in a family play therapy session And the parent turns to the child and says, "Tell, tell Miss Cathi what you did to your brother today," or, "Tell Miss Cathi why you got in school today, got in trouble at school today." So it's not, it's not a fix it.
• 30:45
  which is: We're not doing discipline in the family play therapy sessions per se.
• 30:51
  which is: What we're working on is the relationship.
• 30:54
  which is: We're working on those relationship dynamics.
• 30:57
  which is: That is what the play therapy sessions are for, is to do those shifts.
• 31:02
  which is: Because we know when parents do that it's gonna shut the child down, and then the play therapy session is not gonna feel safe to them.
• 31:12
  which is: Here's a perfect example that I learned decades ago.
• 31:18
  which is: I remember, I… This is like way, way, way back, back in the day.
• 31:24
  which is: And, um, the pla- the agency where I was working, we did multifamily, uh, group, meaning we had like, I think we had like four, maybe five family systems.
• 31:38
  which is: So it was parents, and siblings, and clients.
• 31:42
  which is: It was really interesting.
• 31:44
  which is: It was a really awesome experience.
• 31:48
  which is: And there were two therapists, so we, we co-facilitated this group.
• 31:53
  which is: And, um, it was adolescents, but there were younger siblings in there as well, and parents.
• 31:59
  which is: And, um, so we were, we were doing this work with them.
• 32:03
  which is: And one of the things, the previous sessions, one of the things that we had talked on, this is back in the'90s, you know, do, doing homework and doing family meetings where you can talk about for the week what's been going on and, you know, coming together as a family and working collaboratively.
• 32:23
  which is: That was the point of the family meetings.
• 32:28
  which is: And so we were, we, we were doing this family, multifamily group, and the client, an adolescent, said, um, that they hated the family meetings.
• 32:43
  which is: So using curiosity, we asked,"Oh, well, what is it about the family meetings that you don't like?" And he said, thank goodness, 'cause he was a truth teller man, which was good.
• 32:57
  which is: It was good.
• 32:58
  which is: And he said, "Well, they feel like family beatings." And so we used curiosity and asked him to share a little bit more, and basically his experience, and his siblings agreed- That it was, it was all, parents would go about all the bad, all the things they had done wrong for the week, and it was more lecturing and scolding.
• 33:24
  which is: And so it felt like an incar- an interrogation and their weekly beating for him.
• 33:32
  which is: Verbal, not physical.
• 33:34
  which is: Um, so one of the things that we focused on to make the shift is those family meetings needed to include fun.
• 33:42
  which is: Like, we worked with them about, like, what are things that you guys enjoy doing?
• 33:48
  which is: D- And so turns, they identified some fun things, and for the next Family meetings for the next few, that, that's all they could do in those meetings.
• 34:00
  which is: Uh, they were- it was their weekly time to connect and enjoy and have fun together.
• 34:05
  which is: And to me, that was a re- even now, decades later, that is so clear in my mind.
• 34:15
  which is: And for me, it identifies the importance of relationship and using that play process, using playfulness to connect in a way that feels safe and enjoyable.
• 34:29
  which is: And so that's something we need to think about, it for the family play therapy sessions, is that they need to feel safe for everybody in there, and what, what is that gonna take?
• 34:45
  which is: So you need to be mindful of can… Or if parents are lecturing and blaming and using it to kind of bring up all the bad things that the kids did that week, then, then that is not gonna create a safe place in the playroom, and that, that's not, that is an indication that they're not quite ready to be in the family play therapy sessions.
• 35:13
  which is: Another sign is that maybe they're too consumed with their own trauma.
• 35:21
  which is: Like, maybe they get triggered in the sessions, and they're not able to use your support to navigate that.
• 35:28
  which is: They don't have any self-awareness to recognize when they're getting trauma, uh, when they're getting triggered.
• 35:35
  which is: Or maybe they're so emotionally overloaded all the time, they've got no emotional bandwidth in those family play therapy sessions.
• 35:46
  which is: They're just kind of in rote mode.
• 35:48
  which is: Or maybe they get dissociated.
• 35:52
  which is: We, we had that happen as well.
• 35:56
  which is: Like, we were, um, doing a family play therapy session, and there was a lot of trauma.
• 36:05
  which is: There had been a lot of domestic violence, and what would happen is when one of the kids cried, 'cause they were little, um, five and under, the, one of them cried.
• 36:17
  which is: You could see mom just dissociate, and she was gone in the session.
• 36:24
  which is: It gave us good information so that we could put things in place to support mom more.
• 36:31
  which is: But what we recognized was that she was not ready to do the family play therapy sessions because she couldn't stay present Or if you have a parent who gets emotionally triggered, and they get reactive, and they shut down, or they overreact, that… Or maybe they're, um, kind of engaging in a way where they want your attention, and they're not able to provide the structure and the connection with their own kids in there, that they're more, maybe more focused on you.
• 37:08
  which is: That's, that's an indication that they're not ready, and that you probably need to figure out how to get that parent more support in order for them to be able to be effective in there.
• 37:24
  which is: And so here's the thing.
• 37:26
  which is: If, if a parent isn't quite ready, maybe, maybe you did the prep work, maybe you, um, helped parents understand their role, understood your role, talked about what's gonna be happening in there.
• 37:41
  which is: Everybody was like, "Yep, we'll give it a try." You give it a try, and it, it's not going well.
• 37:47
  which is: That, it doesn't mean it's a failure.
• 37:50
  which is: It means you got more information, and now you know where to allocate more resources and time to support that parent.
• 38:02
  which is: So maybe you need to have more parent-only sessions, or maybe that parent needs to do some of their own individual therapy work, and they, they allow you to coordinate with their therapist, and maybe that work needs to be done first before they come back in the playroom.
• 38:28
  which is: And then sometimes, this does not happen often, and it does happen.
• 38:33
  which is: Sometimes family play therapy is not gonna be effective.
• 38:40
  which is: Uh, I've had parents, they're… I can count them on one hand over the course of almost 35 years.
• 38:49
  which is: But some parents cannot Cannot get it done, meaning they're not willing to look at their own triggers.
• 38:59
  which is: They're not willing to be self-aware.
• 39:02
  which is: They're not willing to do their own individual work.
• 39:06
  which is: They will not make the shift or they can't.
• 39:09
  which is: Maybe the trauma is too strong.
• 39:11
  which is: If that's the case, then family play therapy might not be indicated.
• 39:19
  which is: Or maybe the parent has an active addiction, or maybe the parent has a- you know, active psychosis, or maybe the parent, there was a lot of trauma and that parent has not been willing to do their own work and they're, they are not willing, for lack of a better word, to do the repair work with the child, to own up to what they did to make amends.
• 39:52
  which is: And then not only make amends, make the changes.
• 39:56
  which is: They have to make the changes.
• 39:58
  which is: So sometimes, sometimes- Family play therapy is not going to be effective, and there are other ways that you can go about helping that child heal.
• 40:12
  which is: So that is it for today.
• 40:16
  which is: Just kind of a recap, we talked about the importance of, um, identifying parent readiness for engaging in the play ther- family play therapy process.
• 40:31
  which is: The importance of, one, using a play therapy model that's gonna guide you through each phase.
• 40:39
  which is: Also, your play therapy model identifies what is your role, what is the parent's role, and what is that gonna look like?
• 40:47
  which is: What are you gonna do?
• 40:47
  which is: How are you gonna do it in the family play therapy sessions?
• 40:53
  which is: So you're looking at signs that the parent is ready.
• 40:57
  which is: Can they do that self-reflection?
• 41:00
  which is: Will they engage in that playful process?
• 41:03
  which is: Do they recognize that the repair work is through the relationship?
• 41:09
  which is: That is how to get the healing done for their child, and that they are able to regulate their emotions or use you for support when things get a little um, loud in the family play therapy sessions.
• 41:27
  which is: Can they, can they co-regulate that child?
• 41:30
  which is: Can they regulate their own emotions?
• 41:33
  which is: Can they use you for support?
• 41:35
  which is: And then three signs that they might not be ready is if they are just looking for behavioral compliance and quick fixes, and they want you to fix the problem of what is wrong with their child.
• 41:51
  which is: Or maybe they use the sessions to lecture or shame or interrogate, so it feels more like a family beating, and it's not feeling safe for, for the family members in there.
• 42:06
  which is: Or maybe they have too many of their own, uh, too much of their own unresolved trauma- That they can't, they can't really show up the way that their child needs them to in an attuned, in an int- uh, way so that that parent can be f- present, present and attuned.
• 42:30
  which is: Or on occasion, there are some parents that are not able to, whether it is that they're not gonna do their own work.
• 42:40
  which is: I'm a firm believer they probably are avoiding their own work, and because it's a little painful for them.
• 42:48
  which is: But the reality is, if they don't get it healed, then it just gets passed on.
• 42:54
  which is: They have to be the therapeutic agent of change, which means they have to do their own work and be willing to break generational patterns.
• 43:03
  which is: If they're not able, if they're not willing, then that might not, that might not work out to bring them into the family play therapy sessions.
• 43:15
  which is: And just because they might not be, as for some parents, the vast majority of parents, a lot of times they just need the preparation.
• 43:22
  which is: That's what the parent consultation sessions are for.
• 43:25
  which is: They need you to help them get ready for that.
• 43:31
  which is: So that is it for today.
• 43:34
  which is: If you're interested, um, I do… If you're interested in really developing your skills in play therapy, learning how to use a play therapy model, learning how to do your case conceptualization to get at the root is wh- of what is the problem, to really hone those skills so that you can better decide what to do, when to do it, and how to do it, and then learning what to do, when to do, and how to do it based on your theory model.
• 44:10
  which is: If you're wanting to go deeper and learn those deeper competency skills to really improve your confidence and feel like you know what you're doing, that you can actually help the clients that show up, so that you feel like you are helping them and making a difference in their lives, you can stop with your imposter syndrome.
• 44:35
  which is: That's what Play Therapy Academy is for.
• 44:38
  which is: We keep the, um, cohort small.
• 44:42
  which is: There's 10 people per group.
• 44:45
  which is: A, a big part of the process is the case presentation process where you learn how to, um S- like, structure and how do you go through that case conceptualization process, and then how do you apply that through every stage?
• 45:06
  which is: How do you recognize what's going on in the playroom?
• 45:10
  which is: How do you recognize if play therapy is actually working?
• 45:14
  which is: How do you work more effectively with parents?
• 45:18
  which is: These are the deeper level skills that we work on a lot through this case presentation format.
• 45:25
  which is: If you're not presenting, you're learning from other therapists who are presenting, and then we kinda put all our heads together to provide support so that when you leave that consultation meeting, you have so many ideas.
• 45:43
  which is: Like, you have contingency plans.
• 45:46
  which is: If Plan A doesn't go , then you have Plan B, C, and D, so that when you leave that meeting, you have, you feel like you are on the right track, that you know what to do.
• 46:00
  which is: There are courses in there that, um, self-paced courses in there, play therapy specific.
• 46:08
  which is: We have group chat features for support in between.
• 46:12
  which is: And Play Therapy Academy has access to all of the events in Elevation Circle, so you have access to roundtable discussions, the book club meetings, um, the weekly play therapy tips that I give, like the 15, 20-minute tips.
• 46:32
  which is: So you have access to all of that as well.
• 46:35
  which is: If you're interested in Play Therapy Academy, then just schedule a 30-minute video call with me to see, see if it's a good fit.
• 46:43
  which is: Maybe you're not sure.
• 46:44
  which is: Most people are not sure when they call.
• 46:46
  which is: That's the purpose of the phone, of the video calls, to ca- to see if Play Therapy Academy is a good fit.
• 46:55
  which is: Maybe Elevation Circle is a better fit.
• 46:57
  which is: Maybe you don't need that level, or maybe you don't have the bandwidth now for a Play Therapy Academy, but maybe Elevation Circle is a better fit.
• 47:07
  which is: Schedule a 30-minute video call with me.
• 47:10
  which is: Um, you can pop over to my website at rhplaytherapytraining.com.
• 47:19
  which is: That's Renewing Hearts Play Therapy Training dot com.
• 47:23
  which is: Click over on the, um, supervision page.
• 47:26
  which is: You can see Play Therapy Academy.
• 47:29
  which is: Schedule a 30-minute video call with me, and we'll figure it out together.
• 47:34
  which is: We'll also put the links in the comments.
• 47:38
  which is: Feel free to reach out to me, message me if you have any questions, and I will see you next week.
• 47:44
  which is: Bye for now.
• 47:49
  which is: Thank you for joining me on this episode of Next Level Play Therapy.
• 47:53
  which is: I hope you found the discussion valuable and gained new insights and ideas to support your work helping children, adolescents, and families heal.
• 48:03
  which is: If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe to the podcast and leave a review.
• 48:08
  which is: Your feedback helps to improve and reach more people who can benefit from this information.
• 48:14
  which is: Remember, play therapy is a powerful tool for healing and growth.
• 48:19
  which is: Whether you're a new play therapist or experienced, I encourage you to continue your learning journey to unlock the potential of play in your own work and relationships.
• 48:30
  which is: If you have any questions or topic suggestions for future episodes, I'd love to hear from you.
• 48:37
  which is: Connect with me on social media and visit my website at Renewing Hearts Play Therapy Training to stay updated on upcoming episodes, trainings, and resources.
• 48:50
  which is: Thank you once again for listening to Next Level Play Therapy.
• 48:53
  which is: Until next time, keep playing, learning, and growing.