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Discussing the military & our dads · An ASMR Practice

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: That promise ain't holding up. Whatever, not the point of
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: the rant, this particular one. But no, so... Fuck, thoughts
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: aren't coming out.
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: Military-industrial complex.
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, basically, it's just... Refocusing on the impacts
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: that the military has on... the people who go through
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: it like the actual boots on the ground type guys
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: like the little guys the ones who give a shit
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: um it's bad like boot camp I mean it's literally
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: designed to have I say like tear people down to
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: build them back up in a more in an image
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: more pleasing for the military Right. That doesn't feel quite right.
• 1:02
  Speaker 3: I just.
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: But yeah, no, I mean, just breaking them down so
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: that they end up making... end up becoming a better soldier.
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: At the extent of being, you know, a happy, healthy
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: person outside of being a soldier. Yeah. Just because the
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: same coping strategies that are helpful for being, you know, like,
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: a good soldier per the military are bad if you're
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: trying to like be happy yes where did you did you.
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: Learn this somewhere or did you just read about it
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: on the internet well.
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: I mean psychology has been one of my greatest passions
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: forever and my dad was in the Marines.
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: Tells me a.
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: Lot about boot camp, all that.
• 2:02
  Speaker 3: Oh.
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: So.
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: Wait, you said he was in the Army?
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: Marines. Oh, nice.
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: My uncle was.
• 2:07
  Speaker 4: Oh, nice.
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: That's awesome. But he's told you about it.
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah. So, like, he's told me about it. I mean,
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: he's told me, he thinks about it highly, like.
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think my uncle does, too. They really take
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: care of their people, I think.
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah. And especially because, like, with a lot of people
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: who go in, like, they.
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: Don't really have.
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: Anyone who was, like... That perception of someone else who
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: would take care of their own and being considered someone
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: else's own, that's a feeling that a desperate boy would
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: kill for.
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, for sure. I think they definitely rely on desperation,
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: is my understanding.
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 2:53
  Speaker 4: And that's maybe not a good jumping off point.
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: For a good relationship.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: Exactly. My point exactly.
• 3:01
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: Just seems like it's going to have unhealthy dynamics from
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: the start by design. Yeah.
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: This is the real codependency, I think.
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: I think.
• 3:15
  Speaker 4: I hear a lot about codependency and I'm like, I
• 3:17
  Speaker 4: don't know what y'all are on.
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: But, um.
• 3:21
  Speaker 4: What did you say that I wanted to remember? Yeah, well,
• 3:28
  Speaker 4: I was just thinking about the concept of a good soldier, and.
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: I just feel like.
• 3:35
  Speaker 4: A good soldier is probably very different than, like, a
• 3:39
  Speaker 4: good partner or a good person.
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: A hundred percent. Yeah. Well, because good soldiers follow orders.
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: They don't.
• 3:50
  Speaker 3: Questions, orders, all that, all that. And this is more
• 4:00
  Speaker 3: relevant for combat veterans, but if you're going... If you
• 4:10
  Speaker 3: have people killing people in a combat environment, no.
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: Matter what you're doing, no matter what you do, to
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: the people in there, they're gonna be fucking, they're gonna
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: turn into monsters, just, because people, killing people is bad.
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah, right?
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: It's bad for the soul.
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: Like, without, you know, like, going into, like, you know,
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: horror stories or whatever, like, it's, it's bad, like, that
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: just baseline level of violence, especially coupled with the culture
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: of of, like, one-upmanship and not seeing the other side.
• 4:47
  Speaker 3: As, like.
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: Human. Yeah.
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah, as human in the same way that you and
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: I are human. Right.
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 4:57
  Speaker 4: What's your relationship with your dad like?
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: Is he a problem? Just curious. Is that too intrusive?
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: No, no, no, no, no.
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: It's complicated. Yeah.
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: Fair. Like, it's... My ownership of both my parents is complicated. Yeah. Same.
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: I mean, we're close.
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: We talk. A lot of.
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: It is more feeling like with me being his therapist than, like, anything. But, yeah,
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: we talk. We're good. Right. Huh.
• 5:37
  Speaker 4: See, my guess was going to be that he's, like,
• 5:40
  Speaker 4: due to military, whatever, my guess was going to be he's, like, emotionally.
• 5:43
  Speaker 3: Not all there. Right.
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: But he uses you as a therapist, so he is
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: very emotional.
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: Very emotional, but not in a good way.
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: Angry.
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: Just kind of full of misery and not really knowing
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: how to express it. Oh, yeah. Dang. I mean, he's
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: also got, like, he's also got other mental stuff going on,
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: even without Marines and such. Yeah.
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: Like, cynical and pessimistic, you mean, by misery?
• 6:13
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: Oh, he's a hopeless... He's a.
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: Depressed romantic.
• 6:21
  Speaker 4: Hmm.
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: If that, like... If that makes sense. Um, like, just...
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: Kind of giving up on doing... Feeling anything but miserable.
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: So he's... Seeing the beauty there is in the misery.
• 6:37
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: Rather than just... Not.
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: Fair enough. Yeah. Um.
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: Uh, yeah.
• 6:51
  Speaker 3: Oh.
• 6:51
  Speaker 4: Okay.
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: And you're... Are they separated?
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah. Uh, they've been divorced since I was, like, two.
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: Mine got divorced, like, ten days before I was born. Oh, shit.
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: But they lived together my whole life.
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: Oh. Yikes.
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah, big yikes.
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Um, how is your relationship with.
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: My dad?
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: He's fucking dead, but.
• 7:11
  Speaker 4: Oh. I.
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: I honestly... I do... I'm a pretty spiritual person, so I...
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: I feel his presence. Like, okay, so last night I
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: went to St.
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: Charles.
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: His name was Charles.
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think I was just feeling, like, whatever. Like,
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: a little down, maybe. And I just.
• 7:34
  Speaker 4: And every time I feel down, I try to connect
• 7:37
  Speaker 4: with my father.
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: And unfortunately, my.
• 7:39
  Speaker 4: Father did like to drink a lot and, you know,
• 7:42
  Speaker 4: smoke cigarettes and... And the good news is, like, socialize
• 7:47
  Speaker 4: and go out into the world, you know?
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: Hell yeah.
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: And so I feel like I sort of... This is
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: what I do.
• 7:55
  Speaker 4: When I want to connect with him or when I
• 7:57
  Speaker 4: want to embody, like, what he taught me.
• 8:00
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: You know?
• 8:03
  Speaker 4: But, yeah, I love my dad. My dad really loved me.
• 8:07
  Speaker 4: I feel like he was sort of.
• 8:11
  Speaker 4: Judged very harshly by the other people in my family
• 8:13
  Speaker 4: is how I would put it.
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: Uh-huh.
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: You know, my mom was, like, sort of an unsuccessful matriarch.
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: She was trying to be a matriarch, but ultimately.
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: He couldn't be controlled.
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: He couldn't be helped. He couldn't be controlled.
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 8:28
  Speaker 4: And he was not a soldier, you know. I think
• 8:32
  Speaker 4: his dad was, but both of his parents died.
• 8:35
  Speaker 2: When he was, like, seven, and so.
• 8:38
  Speaker 4: He had to move in with some other people who
• 8:41
  Speaker 4: were just like colonizers in Venezuela and.
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: So yeah I don't know I don't know he was
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: a really fun guy and.
• 8:58
  Speaker 4: He really liked me which you know I felt I
• 9:03
  Speaker 4: felt like other people in my family maybe didn't like
• 9:05
  Speaker 4: me so.
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: Much like I felt like You know, my dad was, like, social.
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: He was very everywhere all at once.
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: Uh-huh.
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: And I think I was kind of quiet. Everybody said
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: I was shy. I freaking hated the word shy as
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: a kid. But it didn't bother my dad.
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: My dad was just, like, trying to teach me how
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: to not be whatever I was.
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah, how to socialize correctly.
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Whatever. Or, yeah, just presenting another option of, like,
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: you don't have to be quiet. Uh-huh.
• 9:33
  Speaker 4: You know?
• 9:34
  Speaker 2: And I was enjoying the show.
• 9:36
  Speaker 3: Uh-huh. You know?
• 9:37
  Speaker 4: So that's my relationship. I mean, he's dead, but he's
• 9:40
  Speaker 4: with me at the same time.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: Well, thank you for telling me.
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Thank you for asking.
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: Oh, man.
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: We got to go?
• 9:54
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: What you got going on?
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: Uh, work. Work?
• 9:59
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah.
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: Where do you work?
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: Uh, Schaefer's Seafood. Schaefer's Seafood. Uh, seafood place in Bucktown. Bucktown.
• 10:07
  Speaker 4: Yeah. Okay. Um.
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: I like it.
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: Like, boss is cool.
• 10:12
  Speaker 3: Um, coworkers are great.
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: Um.
• 10:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's the restaurant industry, it would seem. Okay, cool. Well,
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: thank you for chatting.
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: Absolutely. I mean, I.
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: Had a wonderful time. Do you like hugs?
• 10:31
  Speaker 3: I do.
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: Have a good day.
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: You too, babe.
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: Best of luck at work. See you again.
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 10:43
  Speaker 3: Oh, kissy.