Latest / Adventure Sports Podcast / Ep. 1205: Winning Yourself Back with David Richman

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Ep. 1205: Winning Yourself Back with David Richman · Adventure Sports Podcast

0:06
[SPEAKER_00]: You're listening to the Adventure Sports podcast.
0:08
[SPEAKER_00]: We talk with adventures from around the globe to bring you the inspiration and motivation you need to get started in the outdoors or to keep you moving if you're already there.
0:17
[SPEAKER_00]: Now here's your host, Kurt Lindville.
0:19
[SPEAKER_01]: Hi friends, I have an amazing guest with us today.
0:23
[SPEAKER_01]: I can already tell we just visited for about five minutes and a what a guy, holy cow, what a guy.
0:29
[SPEAKER_01]: David Richmond is our guest and he's an endurance athlete.
0:34
[SPEAKER_01]: But more than that, he's also an author.
0:36
[SPEAKER_01]: He is a financial advisor as well, but he is self-described as a former sedentary overweight smoker.
0:44
[SPEAKER_01]: Who, let me read off some of his accomplishments here?
0:48
[SPEAKER_01]: 50 Trafflons, more than 50 Trafflons, more than 15 Iron Man Link, 50 more than 50 Marathons, several altrues, and he biked, 4,700, probably plus miles and only six weeks.
1:05
[SPEAKER_01]: and that was to honor his sister who had died of cancer.
1:09
[SPEAKER_01]: As a result of that life experience and others, he is written two books, cycle of lives, and winning in the middle of the pack.
1:18
[SPEAKER_01]: And we're going to be talking about transformation today.
1:21
[SPEAKER_01]: It's one of my favorite subjects.
1:23
[SPEAKER_01]: This is going to be one of those episodes where if you know someone who needs some encouragement, then you're going to want to share it with them.
1:30
[SPEAKER_01]: Because David's that kind of guy.
1:32
[SPEAKER_01]: So, and I don't even know what we're going to talk about yet.
1:34
[SPEAKER_01]: David, welcome to the program.
1:37
[SPEAKER_03]: Thanks, Kurt.
1:38
[SPEAKER_03]: I appreciate that.
1:39
[SPEAKER_03]: We'll talk about a lot of stuff, but yeah, it's a real pleasure to be on here on your show and I appreciate what you do and thanks for having me.
1:47
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, you have, man, checked an awful lot of boxes when it comes to endurance athletics.
1:55
[SPEAKER_01]: And I want to get into the full story of what got you started.
1:58
[SPEAKER_01]: But I guess I'm going to start with a hard question first.
2:03
[SPEAKER_01]: Why?
2:03
[SPEAKER_01]: Why put yourself through all of this?
2:07
[SPEAKER_01]: These are not easy things to do.
2:09
[SPEAKER_03]: uh... yeah i i didn't know going into a cart why the why i i did not know i developed that through through doing more and and and and going going on this evolving path of discovering that that why that question why and uh... and it's really been a wonderful wonderful journey and and i think it stems to the the why stems to
2:35
[SPEAKER_03]: this kind of idea and I think it resonates with some people, not with everybody, but I kind of grew up in a difficult household and had a difficult young adult life and I found in retrospect, I didn't know it at the time, but I found in retrospect that I had grown up worrying about
2:58
[SPEAKER_03]: the effect that the things that I would do would have on others.
3:01
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, what could I do to not upset the parents?
3:05
[SPEAKER_03]: What could I do to make sure that as a kid I was in a safe space, right?
3:10
[SPEAKER_03]: What could I do to make sure that I can make my teachers happy or the boss happy?
3:15
[SPEAKER_03]: Because I couldn't afford to be fired.
3:16
[SPEAKER_03]: Like I did everything because I was wondering,
3:21
[SPEAKER_03]: What effect would it have on others and how could I be safe to navigate that right because right so so I If I keep them happy then then life's gonna be safe life's gonna be good, right?
3:33
[SPEAKER_03]: It's not gonna turn ugly if people around me are happy.
3:35
[SPEAKER_03]: So Which is a you know, I mean a lot of people can probably relate to that But it's not the greatest way to wake up which which is you know Jesus, I've been living my whole life of trying to make other people happy.
3:48
[SPEAKER_03]: Well
3:48
[SPEAKER_03]: I found myself hurt in a position where I was finally able to take a look at the guy in the mirror and say what's going to make you happy.
3:57
[SPEAKER_03]: And I didn't know the answer to that question.
4:00
[SPEAKER_03]: And we don't have to get into all of it, but that question...
4:04
[SPEAKER_03]: was able to ask myself that at a pretty low point in my life and when I looked in the mirror I said, geez, I have no idea what would make you happy.
4:16
[SPEAKER_03]: So I went on a little path to discover what would and that started with trying to become healthy.
4:24
[SPEAKER_03]: Which led to doing activity, which led to saying, well, if I could do this, could I do more, and could I do more, and could I do more, and then, you know, what are the limits of what I could do?
4:35
[SPEAKER_03]: and this was constantly just proving to myself that if I would do things for myself, rather than for others, there's kind of no limits to what I could do.
4:45
[SPEAKER_03]: You know what I'm saying, and the intention it was more true and it was just more authentic and for me, rather than for what effect it might have on others, if that makes sense.
4:57
[SPEAKER_01]: David, I want to highlight that because it contrasts with what I hear a lot.
5:04
[SPEAKER_01]: I hear a lot of people who start doing their sport.
5:07
[SPEAKER_01]: Frankly, I'll just be really transparent here, he's mystically.
5:10
[SPEAKER_01]: They're doing it only because they want to serve themselves.
5:12
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm just for the heck of it and the fun of it.
5:14
[SPEAKER_01]: And then later they want to dig a little deeper and find some meaning and they start doing it in a way that might have an impact on others.
5:22
[SPEAKER_01]: What you're saying,
5:24
[SPEAKER_01]: is also very, very healthy.
5:26
[SPEAKER_01]: What you're saying is, you are a people pleaser.
5:29
[SPEAKER_01]: We're living your life for everybody else.
5:31
[SPEAKER_01]: You're leaving yourself out of the equation.
5:34
[SPEAKER_01]: And I totally get that.
5:35
[SPEAKER_01]: There are a lot of people in this world who come from that perspective, and they're leaving themselves out of the equation to the point that it's injurious.
5:44
[SPEAKER_01]: It's kind of, I mean, it could be self negligence.
5:47
[SPEAKER_01]: Who knows?
5:48
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, I'm not going to speak for people.
5:50
[SPEAKER_01]: But when you discover that being the best version of yourself equips you to be a better version of a human for the whole human race.
5:59
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, and there's healthy ways, Kurt, that people are people pleasors, right?
6:05
[SPEAKER_03]: I mean, there's caretakers.
6:07
[SPEAKER_03]: There are people that are completely unselfish in caring for others, and they're doing it for really good reasons.
6:14
[SPEAKER_03]: I think I was an unhealthy people pleaser in that I kind of tiptoed.
6:19
[SPEAKER_03]: I had myself surrounded by people that
6:22
[SPEAKER_03]: I don't think we're very healthy, and especially in a marriage, I was married to an abuse of alcoholic at four-year-old twins, and I think that stemmed from a childhood of wanting to be around, you know, those kind of people, and if I could just, if I could live in that kind of tumultuous life, and I could make the people around me happy, then all would be good, and it was just I was a mess, right?
6:46
[SPEAKER_03]: I was a people pleaser, but a mess of a lot of people priser.
6:51
[SPEAKER_03]: Then when I finally kind of got to a point where I could say, well, dude, you gotta you gotta worry about yourself because if you don't get yourself good, what are you gonna do with these kids and how are you gonna get them to a safe environment?
7:03
[SPEAKER_03]: Then I said, okay, well, you got to start dealing with the dude in the mirror and not everybody else, you know.
7:09
[SPEAKER_03]: He might be sharing about about what your age was at that point.
7:12
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, so I was 36 or 7 years old.
7:17
[SPEAKER_03]: And I remember, I'll tell you a quick story, Kurt.
7:21
[SPEAKER_03]: I remember that I was complaining to a friend, a good friend.
7:25
[SPEAKER_03]: Again, for the hundredth time about the problems at home and the problems here and the problems there.
7:32
[SPEAKER_03]: and just the bad place that I was in.
7:34
[SPEAKER_03]: And he finally stood up and he was like, dude, I am so tired of hearing this because you're the problem.
7:42
[SPEAKER_03]: Right.
7:43
[SPEAKER_03]: And I go, what are you talking about?
7:44
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm not the problem.
7:45
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, I'm the one holding it all together and she does this and the work best and the boss that and whatever he goes to you are the problem.
7:52
[SPEAKER_03]: And I go, what are you talking about?
7:54
[SPEAKER_03]: And he said, let me tell you what your life is all about and they go, what?
7:57
[SPEAKER_03]: And he goes, your life is you walk around the street and you find every wild animal that you can find.
8:03
[SPEAKER_03]: That's every problem.
8:05
[SPEAKER_03]: You find every wild animal you can.
8:06
[SPEAKER_03]: And then you go up you cautiously pick it up.
8:09
[SPEAKER_03]: You take it home, you wash it.
8:12
[SPEAKER_03]: You take care of it, you make sure it's safe, and it looks good, and then you go to pet it, and it bites you, and you wonder, like, why did it bite you?
8:21
[SPEAKER_03]: Dude, it's a wild animal, of course, that's what it's going to do.
8:24
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, stop trying to change wild animals and figure out why do you need to go find them, stop trying to fix other people's problems, and why don't you find out why you always have to surround yourself with problems.
8:36
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, and I'm like, whoa, holy cow, that really, I mean, it hit, oh my god, I could be the problem.
8:44
[SPEAKER_01]: It didn't even make sense to me.
8:46
[SPEAKER_01]: interesting.
8:48
[SPEAKER_01]: So somehow in this process, you turn to endurance sports.
8:54
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
8:55
[SPEAKER_01]: And do you remember what that light bulb moment was when you said, you know what this glicks for me?
9:01
[SPEAKER_01]: I do.
9:01
[SPEAKER_03]: I do remember the light bulb moment and it was not that night, but it was the next night after that and my kids
9:12
[SPEAKER_03]: We had just, we had just gotten ourselves too safety, you know, got, got out of the household and it was just me and the two of them and I put him to bed.
9:20
[SPEAKER_03]: And I remember Kirk going into the bathroom and looking in the mirror and go like, what is your problem?
9:26
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, who are you?
9:27
[SPEAKER_03]: What is your deal, dude?
9:29
[SPEAKER_03]: like like what the hell you know and I just had this and I'm not even exaggerating Kurt I have like a two hour stare down conversation with myself going so good like what's your problem like here's the things that you should be proud of here's the things that you need to face
9:46
[SPEAKER_03]: And you know, I had that was also in the in the light of I just found out my sister was diagnosed with thermal brain cancer, right?
9:55
[SPEAKER_03]: I just got out of this horrible situation.
9:58
[SPEAKER_03]: I just had a friend tell me I'm the problem.
10:01
[SPEAKER_03]: And it was just like.
10:02
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, like I could have been in denial or I could have just said maybe it's time for you to figure your stuff out.
10:08
[SPEAKER_03]: And so I just did and I looked in the mirror and I was just was like, you got to find it out, man.
10:13
[SPEAKER_03]: You got to figure it out.
10:14
[SPEAKER_03]: You got to figure out what's your problem.
10:17
[SPEAKER_03]: and how do you solve it?
10:18
[SPEAKER_03]: And I said, you know what?
10:20
[SPEAKER_03]: It starts with being healthy, I guess, because you've been on healthy your whole life.
10:23
[SPEAKER_03]: Everything about you is unhealthy.
10:25
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, okay, I was successful.
10:27
[SPEAKER_03]: I had, you know, I just had friends.
10:28
[SPEAKER_03]: They were positive things.
10:30
[SPEAKER_03]: But at the root of everything was being unhealthy.
10:33
[SPEAKER_03]: It was overweight, I was a smoker, I didn't think well.
10:35
[SPEAKER_03]: I was a people pleaser, like,
10:37
[SPEAKER_03]: You name it and I just said, all right, you need to you need to start exercising so I grabbed a pair of shoes And I went for a run.
10:45
[SPEAKER_03]: I made it to about the end of the driveway, and and and that was a start of it
10:51
[SPEAKER_01]: So you made it to the end of the driveway and I applaud that, you know, but here's the deal.
10:58
[SPEAKER_01]: I like the mirror exercise first.
11:01
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
11:01
[SPEAKER_01]: I think that it's really easy to deceive ourselves.
11:05
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
11:05
[SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes we have to be honest with ourselves.
11:07
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's hard to look yourself in the eye sometimes in the mirror.
11:11
[SPEAKER_01]: because you have to be honest with that person that's staring back at you.
11:14
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think sometimes when we want to turn a lives around, that's the best way to start.
11:19
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm impressed by that description.
11:22
[SPEAKER_01]: I really am impressed by that description.
11:24
[SPEAKER_01]: And then, to say I made it to the end about the end of the driveway, we often have to start really small.
11:31
[SPEAKER_03]: Really small.
11:33
[SPEAKER_03]: really smart and because i didn't know again i had no framework for it right i was in this sounds dramatic everybody has the things that they go through you never know what people go through but but but i had spent a lot of my childhood and a lot of my young adult hood just figuring out how to survive
11:52
[SPEAKER_03]: right how to get to the next day and and sometimes that that sounds dramatic but but sometimes it wasn't dramatic.
11:58
[SPEAKER_03]: I mean it was really sometimes I had to find out how do I survive to the next day.
12:02
[SPEAKER_03]: So so I didn't really have a framework for understanding like
12:07
[SPEAKER_03]: how to go on that path or how to live a normal healthy life.
12:11
[SPEAKER_03]: I was survival mode even when I wasn't day to day surviving.
12:15
[SPEAKER_03]: And so that whole look in the mirror thing just super quick is it was hard.
12:21
[SPEAKER_03]: It was really really hard because to be honest with yourself is really difficult.
12:26
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
12:27
[SPEAKER_03]: It's really, really difficult.
12:29
[SPEAKER_03]: And in retrospect, I know that there was a second part of a career that was equally as important.
12:35
[SPEAKER_03]: I had to forgive myself.
12:37
[SPEAKER_03]: I had to say you've made so many mistakes, but you didn't know any better.
12:41
[SPEAKER_03]: And at the time, if you knew better, you would have done better.
12:43
[SPEAKER_03]: You would have made better choices.
12:45
[SPEAKER_03]: How did you know until you know?
12:47
[SPEAKER_03]: But now that you know, you got to make a better choice.
12:50
[SPEAKER_03]: Now, now you know.
12:51
[SPEAKER_03]: So it was like this, oh, okay, if I could forgive myself for all the things I did wrong or the things that I didn't do right.
12:59
[SPEAKER_03]: if I could just say well you didn't know then but you do now so don't not pay attention like like be honest with yourself you know now that you should quit smoking you know now that you shouldn't you know support an alcoholic you know now that you should worry about yourself you know now that you need to care about yourself
13:17
[SPEAKER_03]: So start doing it.
13:18
[SPEAKER_03]: So when I said, okay, well, I can only make it to the driveway then I was like, well, okay, well, if you're going to care about yourself and you're going to be honest, like, can you go, can you go more?
13:29
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, okay, I ran down the block and then I ran around the block.
13:33
[SPEAKER_03]: And then I ran a mile, you know, and then I was like, I ran a mile with who wins a mile?
13:39
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, wow, that's amazing, right?
13:41
[SPEAKER_03]: That's great.
13:42
[SPEAKER_03]: I could write a mile, like, what the hell?
13:44
[SPEAKER_03]: That's not even possible.
13:46
[SPEAKER_03]: And then I did a 5k, and then a 10k, and I'm like, oh my gosh.
13:51
[SPEAKER_03]: And then I found out about this thing called triathlon.
13:54
[SPEAKER_03]: And I'm like, well, you know, as a swimmer as a kid, I bet I could swim by can run.
13:58
[SPEAKER_03]: So I started to do a couple of triathlons.
14:02
[SPEAKER_03]: And then I read about this thing called an Iron Man.
14:05
[SPEAKER_03]: And I'm like, whoa, because you imagine doing something that ridiculous.
14:09
[SPEAKER_03]: and I just kept going on and on and on and saying, you know what, what is the limit of what you could do?
14:16
[SPEAKER_03]: Like how cool is this that you never found your limit?
14:19
[SPEAKER_03]: Like it gave me hope and optimism, they bleed it into other parts of my life.
14:23
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, man, if you start caring about yourself, look what you could do.
14:26
[SPEAKER_03]: Wow.
14:28
[SPEAKER_01]: And so there had to be a point when you had found yourself successfully completing some really big endurance athletic achievements, right?
14:38
[SPEAKER_01]: You completed them and you probably at some point looked back and said, holy cow, look where I am compared to where I was.
14:47
[SPEAKER_01]: Do you remember a moment like that?
14:49
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, you know, it's a great question and I have a lot of them.
14:54
[SPEAKER_03]: I'll tell you one of them because it it hopefully would resonate with some people because it's more than just the physical part of it.
15:05
[SPEAKER_03]: It's the mental part of it.
15:07
[SPEAKER_03]: And let's see, I want to frame this properly.
15:11
[SPEAKER_03]: So my sister was near the end of her journey with cancer.
15:14
[SPEAKER_03]: Okay, she was going to die soon, but leading up to the timing of it was a relay for life.
15:22
[SPEAKER_03]: I don't know if anybody is aware of the cancer, American Cancer Society's relay for life.
15:26
[SPEAKER_03]: It's a great event.
15:28
[SPEAKER_03]: People put teams together.
15:29
[SPEAKER_03]: You go on a track for 24 hours.
15:31
[SPEAKER_03]: Raise money to support the people that you care about and to help out with causes related to the care of people going through cancer.
15:39
[SPEAKER_03]: And I had committed to my sister to run the whole 24 hours because she had committed to being there for the whole 24 hours.
15:48
[SPEAKER_03]: And so in preparing for that, I had to do a lot of running through the night and doing all of this or whatever.
15:54
[SPEAKER_03]: And and Kurt, I remember one day.
15:57
[SPEAKER_03]: I drove a couple of hours super early in the morning up to do a race that was a half iron man and I did the half iron man drove the few hours home and then I said to myself, you know, my sister's having a really tough time and I promised her that I would run this whole 24 hours, I can't do it without training.
16:18
[SPEAKER_03]: So after I got home, my shower and I got dressed and I went to the track at the high school and I ran 10 miles at like in the middle of the night and I remember driving home going, did you literally couldn't run around the block and now with the proper motivation and some understanding and some belief in yourself, you could have a day like that.
16:39
[SPEAKER_03]: like that's that's that was pretty cool and and I didn't think I accomplished anything but I just thought what I could go through what what I was what I was capable of what I could burden myself with was not a burden it was just like yeah I could do it because I
16:58
[SPEAKER_03]: I wanted to do it right, which is yeah, I didn't even have an awareness that somebody could do what I was doing and and again it wasn't like an accomplice with like pat myself on the back kind of thing it was just It was kind of cool like wow look at look at where I'm at I think it's fun when when we maybe accomplish a big dream or maybe just do something we didn't expect that we could do and and realize what people are capable of and then realize that
17:27
[SPEAKER_01]: What transformed us is a story that can transform others.
17:33
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
17:33
[SPEAKER_01]: And so whenever you're trying to encourage people now that they could transform their own lives, what do you tell them?
17:41
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, I try not to be too preachy or prescriptive and telling people what they should or shouldn't do.
17:47
[SPEAKER_03]: I kind of encourage people to say, hey, why don't you just figure out what it is you could do?
17:53
[SPEAKER_03]: because I had this vision in my head curtain.
17:56
[SPEAKER_03]: I know I didn't come up with this analogy, but I had a vision on my head this whole time of this, let me tell you super quick story.
18:04
[SPEAKER_03]: So imagine people that you have two 50 story buildings, okay, and they're across the street for me, each other.
18:10
[SPEAKER_03]: And you put a ladder across, right?
18:14
[SPEAKER_03]: Going from one 50 story building to the other and you say, hey, why don't you walk across that ladder?
18:19
[SPEAKER_03]: People would be like, oh heck no, I'm not walking across that ladder and then and then you go I'll give you a million bucks if you walk across a ladder or some people would take it some people wouldn't Right, well now I'm gonna make it windy and rainy and slippery Okay, for a million bucks.
18:36
[SPEAKER_03]: No, there's no way I would do it.
18:38
[SPEAKER_03]: Okay.
18:39
[SPEAKER_03]: Well, what would get you to go across?
18:41
[SPEAKER_03]: Well
18:41
[SPEAKER_03]: What if your kid was tied to the middle of the ladder and you had to go walk across the ladder, untie your kid and take your kid to the other side of the building?
18:49
[SPEAKER_03]: There's very few people that wouldn't find the motivation to go do that.
18:54
[SPEAKER_03]: Right.
18:55
[SPEAKER_03]: And so whatever it is, a 5k eating healthier, going to run across the country,
19:03
[SPEAKER_03]: It's qualifying for the Olympics.
19:05
[SPEAKER_03]: Whatever that baby is that that's a lot of ties to the latter figure out what's going to get you to go get it and get it to the other side Like what's your motive?
19:14
[SPEAKER_03]: What's the reason?
19:15
[SPEAKER_03]: What's what's causing you to have to go get it?
19:17
[SPEAKER_03]: What what is that?
19:19
[SPEAKER_03]: And so for me, it was a thought of this being empowered to go, you know what, if nobody's looking and nobody cares, like because they don't, which is fine, but but really the only guy that matters is the guy in the mirror, like what could he do, what could he do, and so why don't you figure out what that is for you and whatever it is, just figure out a way to get it done.
19:43
[SPEAKER_03]: like discover and if you do it you do it if you don't you don't but at least you tried right so so for me that the end up story was what is the thing that could push me further than anything else
19:54
[SPEAKER_03]: And I still kind of haven't found that limit.
19:57
[SPEAKER_03]: I haven't always tested it to the max, but I haven't really found it.
20:01
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, I've run 50 miles, I've run 100 miles, I've done a 4700 mile bike ride.
20:05
[SPEAKER_03]: I've done 50 miles with no training.
20:08
[SPEAKER_03]: I mean, I've done a ton of things that are ridiculous, but nothing that I feel is just like, okay, I've reached my limit.
20:15
[SPEAKER_03]: So, so that was kind of like that third part, like the first part, Kurt, look in the mirror and go, can I be honest with myself?
20:24
[SPEAKER_03]: And then once you are, just forgive yourself and just say you didn't know what you didn't know.
20:28
[SPEAKER_03]: The third part is having the optimism to believe that whatever you want to go discover, you're going to do it if it's for you and you're doing it with a clean heart and you're doing it with, you know, the right motivation is just to find out what you're capable of.
20:42
[SPEAKER_03]: Then just keep doing it and be optimistic that you've got the road ahead of you and you'll discover what it is.
20:48
[SPEAKER_03]: And so,
20:49
[SPEAKER_03]: that that's what I think meaningful transformation is is it's just like being present for giving yourself the joint there before and just going and finding out whatever it is, you know?
21:04
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's talk about the 4,700 mile bike ride.
21:08
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
21:08
[SPEAKER_01]: This was tied to your sister's battle with cancer, journey through that.
21:14
[SPEAKER_01]: So, can you just kind of give us, set the stage for us, help us to understand?
21:19
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, sure, I'll give you the idea real quick.
21:22
[SPEAKER_03]: It didn't happen quick, but when I was watching my sister go through her journey with cancer, I was touched by a common thread
21:32
[SPEAKER_03]: that I saw with people in the same position as her and that was that they were able to deal with the tasks of their cancer.
21:42
[SPEAKER_03]: How do I go see a doctor?
21:43
[SPEAKER_03]: How do I eat healthier?
21:44
[SPEAKER_03]: How do I get more sleep?
21:45
[SPEAKER_03]: How do I navigate insurance?
21:48
[SPEAKER_03]: The kind of tasks they were forced to go learn and they could navigate those.
21:53
[SPEAKER_03]: But when it came to the emotional side of it,
21:56
[SPEAKER_03]: How do you feel about dying?
21:59
[SPEAKER_03]: How are you able to talk to your kids or your parents?
22:03
[SPEAKER_03]: How do you feel about things?
22:05
[SPEAKER_03]: Boy, these are areas we don't talk about.
22:07
[SPEAKER_03]: And cancer, especially it can be very isolating because nobody knows what to say or what to do.
22:13
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, how are you gonna ask somebody, how's your day going when they got to her mouth cancer?
22:17
[SPEAKER_03]: where you rather just not ask them anything because geez, I don't know what they have to say, and they don't know what to say to you because they don't want to make you feel guilty and they don't want to burden you with their plot.
22:27
[SPEAKER_03]: I mean, it can be it not for everybody, but can be a very isolating place.
22:32
[SPEAKER_03]: And so I got this idea, Kurt, that I would find really compelling people that I could relate to.
22:37
[SPEAKER_03]: not about cancer, but I could relate to their struggles with drug addiction or incarceration or abuse or difficulty in their childhood.
22:50
[SPEAKER_03]: you know a violent upbringing or whatever I could relate to those kind of traumas and I got this idea of well if point a is when you encountered cancer you were an eight-year-old on a field trip and you decided you you wanted to go at the hospital you saw people being cared for and you wanted to become a doctor or uh... one grand parent got cancer kid got cancer or friend whenever you encounter cancer was point a
23:16
[SPEAKER_03]: point point B is today.
23:18
[SPEAKER_03]: So what's that cancer journey been like on the emotional side in relation to all the traumas that happened before?
23:27
[SPEAKER_03]: So so so if I could understand what you had been through in life because everybody's gone through things you can't even imagine occurred every single person's gone through things you can't imagine.
23:36
[SPEAKER_03]: But if I had could have a little bit of insight into those things, then maybe it would allow me to be able to engage in a conversation with you about this traumatic thing called cancer.
23:48
[SPEAKER_03]: And it would make me unafraid to start those hard conversations.
23:53
[SPEAKER_03]: And so I gathered all these people.
23:55
[SPEAKER_03]: I found them through a number of different ways and I interviewed them for a couple of years.
24:00
[SPEAKER_03]: And they got deep into the traumas of their childhood, their young adulthood.
24:05
[SPEAKER_03]: the difficulties that they had overcome in their life, either during cancer or pre-cancer or after cancer, and then I just said, hey, this emotional journey of cancer, how could we help you navigate that better?
24:19
[SPEAKER_03]: And how could we learn from the traumas?
24:22
[SPEAKER_03]: What could we learn from what your experience has been?
24:24
[SPEAKER_03]: So that we can be better armed when we have somebody at work tell us something instead of turning a way like Kurt how many times did somebody said to you?
24:34
[SPEAKER_03]: Oh, yeah, you know, it's been a rough day.
24:37
[SPEAKER_03]: Oh, how are you doing?
24:38
[SPEAKER_03]: Good.
24:39
[SPEAKER_03]: You know, I just found out my uncle is got cancer and
24:42
[SPEAKER_03]: It's not going to be good and you go, you know, jeez, I'm really sorry and you walk away.
24:46
[SPEAKER_03]: Because you don't know what to say.
24:47
[SPEAKER_03]: How do you say?
24:48
[SPEAKER_03]: What do you say?
24:49
[SPEAKER_03]: And I wanted to get some insight into how could we maybe start harder conversations to connect with people.
24:55
[SPEAKER_03]: So long story, Kurt, but if I interview these people for a couple of years, then and I feel like we're all connected by story and we're connected by emotion that what better way to connect them
25:08
[SPEAKER_03]: then to go visit them for the first time.
25:10
[SPEAKER_03]: They were all around the country by biking my way to go see them.
25:15
[SPEAKER_03]: So I bite.
25:16
[SPEAKER_03]: I zigzagged my way 4700 miles around the country.
25:20
[SPEAKER_03]: I zigzagged it so that I could connect the stories, kind of like like again those old timey movies, you know, when the red line connects the plane, wherever they go.
25:28
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, across the map.
25:30
[SPEAKER_03]: Yep.
25:30
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
25:31
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
25:31
[SPEAKER_03]: So I connected the stories and went to meet them.
25:34
[SPEAKER_03]: So I took six weeks to go, 47 hundred miles, and I visited most of almost all of the book participants, meeting them for the first time after having under, you know, uncovered their stories over a couple of years worth of interviewing, and then came back and wrote the book.
25:51
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, that's a cool project.
25:54
[SPEAKER_01]: And what an impact.
25:55
[SPEAKER_01]: Holy cow, to help people to weather such a difficult difficult season of life to understand it better.
26:03
[SPEAKER_01]: I can't imagine.
26:05
[SPEAKER_01]: And in the insights that you gained along the way.
26:08
[SPEAKER_01]: How much do you feel like you grew as an individual because of that?
26:11
[SPEAKER_03]: Oh my god are you kidding me?
26:13
[SPEAKER_03]: If I grew a scale is zero to a hundred of my life if I've grown.
26:18
[SPEAKER_03]: 98 of it has happened since the time I put on those the first pair of sneakers and try to run down the driveway.
26:25
[SPEAKER_03]: right 98 out of 100 has happened since then and and I'll tell you Kurt like literally I was on the bike for 12 hours a day 40 43 out of 47 days I was on the bike for 12 hours a day about 120 miles a day and there was in a single day where I didn't meet multiple people who would tell me a story
26:50
[SPEAKER_03]: waiting for to get a hotel to grab a bite deep so I can go to bed so I can wake up the next morning and I'm in line and so somebody's there with their kid oh my gosh they see me they will you're on a bike yeah yeah I'm just bike from Dallas to here whatever oh my god that's like a hundred miles yeah what are you doing I tell them what I'm doing before and then they would go oh wow you know my my son one of his friends the mom just got
27:18
[SPEAKER_03]: And I go, oh my god, how she's doing and she goes, I don't know, I don't know what to say to her.
27:23
[SPEAKER_03]: I don't know, I don't know what to say.
27:26
[SPEAKER_03]: Right?
27:27
[SPEAKER_03]: Or it's like, oh, you know, like, I remember I showed up at one hotel and the lady came down from the front desk and she goes, oh my god, I've been waiting for you and I go, what?
27:39
[SPEAKER_03]: And she goes, oh, we read about your story and whatever, my grandfather's in the last ages of a fight with cancer.
27:47
[SPEAKER_03]: She goes and I'm so happy to talk to you because I need to learn from you, like, what do people do, like, how do they deal with it?
27:54
[SPEAKER_03]: And I'm like, everybody's going through this.
27:57
[SPEAKER_03]: Everybody, everybody understands that idea of, I don't know what to say.
28:01
[SPEAKER_03]: Or people that are going through cancer have gone through this of, why is it so isolating?
28:07
[SPEAKER_03]: Why does everybody abandon me?
28:09
[SPEAKER_03]: Like when I need them to talk to me, nobody's around.
28:11
[SPEAKER_03]: And it's like, this is a very, very common theme card.
28:16
[SPEAKER_01]: I think it, it's more common than it ought to be, but if we could come back to that, I want to throw something out there and people can take it or leave it.
28:24
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't even know if it's the right way to look at life, but it's something I've found useful.
28:28
[SPEAKER_01]: When we're thrust into a very difficult situation, it might be cancer, it might be a lot of things that just feels like it throws us off the tracks, you know?
28:39
[SPEAKER_01]: I think we're tempted to say, well, I wish life would get back to normal again.
28:42
[SPEAKER_01]: And we think that the hardship is not normal and that somehow we're in an abnormal state.
28:48
[SPEAKER_01]: And then we start asking, well, what did I do wrong?
28:50
[SPEAKER_01]: How's this, my fault, or, you know, and my being punished for something or we go through all the, I think that maybe for me anyway.
28:59
[SPEAKER_01]: David, it's more helpful to say, no, this is normal, life is a mixture of challenges, wins, successes, losses, hard times, good times.
29:11
[SPEAKER_01]: And sometimes we're in a really good time during a really hard time and realize, no, that is the degree.
29:19
[UNKNOWN]: Yeah.
29:19
[SPEAKER_03]: I totally agree and the perspective asked a minute ago how much have I learned during this process and when I was interviewing book participants to find out if they would have compelling enough stories because I needed to find a wide range of emotional responses to trauma.
29:38
[SPEAKER_03]: you know joy and fear and anger and all of this and and trust me some people the most difficult times of their lives were the best times of their lives because it opened their eyes to new paths and they grew from it or went up but Kurt every single person that I spoke to every single one.
29:57
[SPEAKER_03]: said ah you know my life's not that interesting I don't know why we're talking and meanwhile they had these most ridiculously unbelievable stories you know escape from Vietnam before the fallacy gone you know they were they were they were kept they were kept prisoner by a boy friend for four years in the basement and had to escape you know to you know all the cow I mean
30:23
[SPEAKER_03]: that had families abandoned them, that grew up to be a doctor.
30:27
[SPEAKER_03]: I mean, I'm like going, you know, people had survived the death of a child.
30:33
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, like, and people would be like, you know, my life's not that interesting.
30:37
[SPEAKER_03]: And, you know, I'm just living my life.
30:38
[SPEAKER_03]: And I'm just going, how in the world did you end up going through what you went through?
30:43
[SPEAKER_03]: And I was talking to one person.
30:46
[SPEAKER_03]: with Trisha and she gave me the best perspective that I think I could get, which exactly plays to what you just said Kurt.
30:53
[SPEAKER_03]: This was a woman who she's in the book, she made the book, who her story basically is, she was severely abused in a relationship.
31:04
[SPEAKER_03]: I had to escape this relationship, couldn't imagine how difficult her life was up until the time that she escaped.
31:11
[SPEAKER_03]: Once she did, she started living her life, and as an adult, Kurt went through five different cancers.
31:19
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, man.
31:19
[SPEAKER_03]: Five different cancers all the way from stage two to three.
31:25
[SPEAKER_03]: She said everything were moved that you could imagine.
31:28
[SPEAKER_03]: She's been through everything.
31:30
[SPEAKER_03]: And her story is not about cancer.
31:31
[SPEAKER_03]: Her story is really about how do you funny love?
31:35
[SPEAKER_03]: Because she fell in love with somebody
31:40
[SPEAKER_03]: And right before she found cancer, how do you find love after coming from such trauma?
31:47
[SPEAKER_03]: And how does that love endure even through so much difficulty?
31:53
[SPEAKER_03]: And I remember that she said to me, I said, how in the world do you do a Patricia?
31:57
[SPEAKER_03]: Like how do you do it?
31:59
[SPEAKER_03]: And she goes, well David, she goes, I never really thought about it.
32:02
[SPEAKER_03]: But I guess I just get up in the morning.
32:05
[SPEAKER_03]: I put my feet on the ground and I go about my day.
32:09
[SPEAKER_03]: she goes and sometimes my day puts me right back in the bed two minutes later because I don't have the energy to move and sometimes my day takes me to spectacular places she goes but every day I just get up I put my feet on the ground and I go about my day she goes, hey everybody has their time in the barrel you know like being thrown over and I agra falls in a barrel everybody has their time in the barrel you just never know when yours is and I'm just like
32:32
[SPEAKER_03]: What an amazing perspective that you just go about living your day, you put your feet on the ground, you make your bed and sometimes you've got to fall back into it and sometimes you go out about and have a magical day and what you said is exactly that, like if you can accept the fact that
32:47
[SPEAKER_03]: it isn't supposed to be great and that life isn't perfect and that even the imperfections can teach us so much and give us so much framework for living our lives.
32:59
[SPEAKER_03]: It's like just embrace it all and just be present and forgive yourself what you didn't know then because you know it now and then do your best and be optimistic and
33:08
[SPEAKER_03]: Realize everybody's going through it and I don't know.
33:12
[SPEAKER_03]: I sounds like sounds a little a little too Paulianna about about the viewpoint, but but I think I just Believe it to my core that everybody's going through things and if you can just figure out a way to just be present and go about your day You know great things can happen
33:30
[SPEAKER_01]: absolutely and I want to point out to people that when you end up with a life-changing event you're going to go through a season of grief quite often and you should look at stages of grief if you're there because what what David just shared you might be like I am not there at all David you know
33:48
[SPEAKER_01]: But it's because you're in a different stage of grief and that's okay.
33:52
[SPEAKER_01]: But look at what the stages of grief are.
33:54
[SPEAKER_01]: And it helps you to say, okay, I'm feeling like this right now, but there's hope.
34:00
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to be somewhere else in a while, in a bit.
34:04
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that when we all realize that life is absolutely in the next bag, absolutely in the next bag, then it helps us to say, okay, I'm going to put my feet on the floor and
34:18
[SPEAKER_01]: But I want to tap into your endurance sports in relation to this.
34:23
[SPEAKER_01]: I've said for a long time and I know it's been true in my own life and I've talked to people who agree that doing the hard thing when you don't have to taught you so much about getting through the hard thing you can't avoid.
34:36
[SPEAKER_01]: And I really believe that testing ourselves on some level and finding out where capable of far more than we knew can really empower us when life really just backs up the truck and dumps a nasty load right on top of us.
34:53
[SPEAKER_01]: Did your endurance sports help you to get through some of these difficulties like that?
34:58
[SPEAKER_03]: Oh my gosh, it was what got me through the difficulties.
35:02
[SPEAKER_03]: it didn't help me get through it.
35:03
[SPEAKER_03]: It's what got me through it.
35:05
[SPEAKER_03]: Because I'm sure a lot of people can relate to this.
35:11
[SPEAKER_03]: You either find yourself in or you're put yourself in such a chaotic life that you don't take moments to reflect and until you're forced to, maybe late her life, but you're just, you're going about such a frenzy of activity and chaos that you may be created.
35:29
[SPEAKER_03]: or allowed to be created around you, prevents you from having much self-reflection.
35:35
[SPEAKER_03]: And you don't have time to change because you're just too busy.
35:38
[SPEAKER_03]: I don't have time to do this because I'm just too busy.
35:41
[SPEAKER_03]: And there is that let it slows the clock, Kurt.
35:45
[SPEAKER_03]: It slows the clock.
35:47
[SPEAKER_03]: And I can tell you that
35:49
[SPEAKER_03]: Some of the deepest, maybe all of the deepest thinking that I've done, all the deepest self reflection that I've done has been during endurance athletics.
36:00
[SPEAKER_03]: So try to do a 10-mile bike in the desert in 110-degree heat and not reflect on life.
36:07
[SPEAKER_03]: Try to go climb a mountain and not reflect on life.
36:13
[SPEAKER_03]: It's impossible because what happens is
36:16
[SPEAKER_03]: When you get immersed in endurance athletics, you're really only thinking about a few things.
36:21
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, how can I keep going?
36:23
[SPEAKER_03]: How do I feed my body?
36:24
[SPEAKER_03]: How do I deal with the elements?
36:27
[SPEAKER_03]: You're really focused in on the motion of getting to the next step or the next pedal or the next whatever.
36:35
[SPEAKER_03]: And it just starts to peel away all the nonsense, all that, all that, whatever, and you just get to contemplate sometimes nothing, which makes you start to discover things.
36:48
[SPEAKER_03]: Let me give you an example.
36:49
[SPEAKER_03]: Okay, yes, absolutely.
36:55
[SPEAKER_03]: So I had signed up for a 50 mile run at the end of June in Las Vegas, and anybody that knows Las Vegas at the end of June, it's hot.
37:05
[SPEAKER_03]: I can't imagine.
37:07
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, it gets to like 120 degrees.
37:09
[SPEAKER_03]: So I'm running late to get to the start, Kurt, okay?
37:13
[SPEAKER_03]: And, and it's a small race, but I race to the start, again, on my car, I race to the start.
37:19
[SPEAKER_03]: And I'm like seven or eight minutes late.
37:22
[SPEAKER_03]: But it's okay, it's a 50 mile run, and it's gonna take me 12, 14 hours, at least 10 or 12 hours.
37:28
[SPEAKER_03]: So I parked the car, I race to the check-in, and I realize I'm by far the last guy starting.
37:34
[SPEAKER_03]: I get to the start line, my chip, and then I go, and the first quarter miles uphill, okay?
37:41
[SPEAKER_03]: And then you turn right onto a road, and there's a guy with a sign, and it says, it's only 94 degrees.
37:50
[SPEAKER_03]: And I cursing that I'm like, you know, it's late and you're really crazy and I got to make the first quarter mile uphill and then it's 95 degrees already and who does this to and I went whoa whoa whoa wait a second dude.
38:05
[SPEAKER_03]: Nobody's paying you to do this.
38:07
[SPEAKER_03]: Nobody told you to sign up, right?
38:10
[SPEAKER_03]: You did this on your own.
38:11
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, what the hell is your problem?
38:13
[SPEAKER_03]: You need to change your perspective.
38:15
[SPEAKER_03]: And this is what I said to myself.
38:17
[SPEAKER_03]: You got to change your perspective, dude.
38:20
[SPEAKER_03]: And then I go, well, how do you change your perspective?
38:22
[SPEAKER_03]: And then I said, oh, well, how you change your perspective is.
38:26
[SPEAKER_03]: And I started thinking about how movies are shot.
38:29
[SPEAKER_03]: And a director has a perspective on a movie.
38:35
[SPEAKER_03]: That the Steven Spielberg make movies and the perspective and then I thought and when you're writing a book Your first person or third person in here.
38:43
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm missioned and how do you change the perspective?
38:45
[SPEAKER_03]: And why would you have a different perspective and then I go all what what even does a word perspective mean?
38:51
[SPEAKER_03]: And then then I'm doing this whole conversation with myself Kurt and no joke I'm not even kidding four and a half hours later.
38:59
[SPEAKER_03]: I get to the turnaround
39:01
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm 25 and at 20, just under 25 miles away and I get to the turn around and I went, oh my god, you literally have been pondering on the idea of perspective for four and a half hours.
39:15
[SPEAKER_03]: You didn't even know that you were running and I discovered all this like joy about how I could change my perspective and I, oh, I just got to look at things a different way and I just
39:31
[SPEAKER_03]: being able to like really contemplate something at a deep level and having it apply to my life from that point beyond.
39:37
[SPEAKER_03]: So endurance athletics is really giving me a ton and that's just a simple example of now every time I think about like dude you need to change your perspective or get a different viewpoint or is this really the perspective you should have or are you being too quick to judge maybe you should think about it I think about that and I go oh you need to maybe change your perspective and I understand it now
39:59
[SPEAKER_01]: I'd love that.
40:01
[SPEAKER_01]: Isn't that weird?
40:03
[SPEAKER_01]: No, it's what's fun about it is that you got to the turnaround point.
40:07
[SPEAKER_01]: You've been doing this for 25 miles.
40:09
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like, oh wow, I ran 25 miles and I learned so much.
40:14
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, I didn't even think about the running.
40:17
[SPEAKER_03]: I thought about, I didn't even think about the heat and the running and the water and the food and the feet.
40:22
[SPEAKER_03]: And I didn't even think about that.
40:24
[SPEAKER_03]: I just thought about how can I change my mindset and how much could I learn from?
40:29
[SPEAKER_03]: When did anybody's life?
40:31
[SPEAKER_03]: Are you going to take four hours to contemplate a subject that might rewire your brain in a positive way?
40:38
[SPEAKER_03]: We just never do that our lives are too chaotic.
40:41
[SPEAKER_01]: No, I mean, if you sat down in the easy chair and said, okay, I'm going to thank for four four and a half hours on this.
40:47
[SPEAKER_01]: Impossible.
40:48
[SPEAKER_01]: You wouldn't do it.
40:50
[SPEAKER_01]: You have to, okay, your body has to be doing something hard enough to distract you, into being able to focus.
40:58
[SPEAKER_01]: I know that sounds ridiculous, but it's not ridiculous because I've been doing these interviews forever and people.
41:04
[SPEAKER_01]: They're constantly talking about the flow state or being in the zone or, you know, why do you do this?
41:09
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, I love where it takes me, you know, that I hear that language all the time, David.
41:14
[SPEAKER_01]: It works.
41:15
[SPEAKER_01]: and yeah that's what you describe so beautifully but okay so here's the question then let's say that somebody's listening to this right now they're going through some tough stuff they they realize then I have not done any time in the mirror right and they're thinking I wonder if I should try to do a hard thing what ideas do you have for them how do you get started yeah um
41:39
[SPEAKER_03]: I don't know if it works for everybody, but I know that what worked for me was not figuratively, but literally staring at myself in the mirror.
41:50
[SPEAKER_03]: If you could just or write it out and read it out loud, do something that is reflective in nature.
42:00
[SPEAKER_03]: I do a lot of writing courses where I teach people how to do self-care through writing is called expressive writing.
42:08
[SPEAKER_03]: And when they do this writing, I say, can you read it out loud?
42:12
[SPEAKER_03]: Do you have the guts to read it out loud to yourself in front of a mirror?
42:16
[SPEAKER_03]: Because when you discover the difference between the inside brain, you know, which is telling yourself subconsciously and what you're seeing, what you consciously can tell yourself, the two are generally very far apart.
42:30
[SPEAKER_03]: And so for me to stand in front of the mirror and go, you know, what is your deal?
42:36
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, who are you?
42:38
[SPEAKER_03]: What kind of decisions are you making?
42:40
[SPEAKER_03]: Like to do that, not to figuratively do it, but to actually do it.
42:44
[SPEAKER_03]: Really tested myself and went like, geez, man, I like, wow, I gotta start to face some stuff.
42:51
[SPEAKER_03]: So if you write it out and read it to yourself, if you say it out loud, if you even have the guts to say it to somebody else,
43:00
[SPEAKER_01]: Wow, I have done that exercise, matter of fact, it's in my book.
43:05
[SPEAKER_01]: I have a chapter on it in my book.
43:06
[SPEAKER_01]: I really believe in it.
43:08
[SPEAKER_01]: But I've had the experience of looking in the mirror and not recognizing the person staring back at me.
43:14
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like, who's that?
43:15
[SPEAKER_01]: Who's that?
43:16
[SPEAKER_01]: And then you start talking to that person.
43:19
[SPEAKER_01]: And you see yourself talking back.
43:21
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, when you go, that's me.
43:24
[SPEAKER_01]: What?
43:26
[SPEAKER_03]: It's just mind-blowing.
43:28
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, and look, the truth is you don't know this until you know it, but at some point you realize that
43:33
[SPEAKER_03]: that you've been here for a long time right you don't have to say I was like I'm looking in the review mirror I've been here for a long time but you start to realize that time is actually relative and and like I've been here for a while so if that's the truth what could I do from this point forward?
43:54
[SPEAKER_03]: you know.
43:55
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, like what could I do if I if I took a conscious effort, what could I do?
44:01
[SPEAKER_01]: Boy, that's the that's the transformation right there.
44:04
[SPEAKER_01]: That is wow.
44:05
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm looking for the fancy word David, but that's the beginning.
44:10
[SPEAKER_01]: It's the genesis, it's the aha moment, it's the spark, it's the light ball, it's the, it's bigger than all of that combined.
44:18
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's the hard part.
44:20
[SPEAKER_01]: We're talking about something, it's almost ineffable here.
44:23
[SPEAKER_01]: But when you reach way down deep inside and you find an anchor that you can grab hold of, a motivation that'll get you out the door, you know, a realization that there is a thing about like,
44:39
[SPEAKER_01]: There's so much to that.
44:41
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's cool that you used adventure sports and during sports as part of that journey.
44:48
[SPEAKER_01]: So the book, I think we've been dancing around this book, this whole conversation, but that book is cycle of lives, right?
44:57
[SPEAKER_01]: So people want to learn more about this, that cycle of lives is what that's about.
45:01
[SPEAKER_01]: Your other book is winning in the middle of the pack,
45:05
[SPEAKER_01]: Now, we got to talk about that too because people tell you, if I'm in the middle of the pack, I'm not the winner, what do you mean?
45:12
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, and that's a really cool thing.
45:15
[SPEAKER_03]: Let me tell you a story of how that happened, okay?
45:17
[SPEAKER_03]: Okay, so I told you in the beginning that I ran around the block, then I ran a mile, then I did a 5k, and then I found this thing called trash lot, and then I and I said, well, I'm going to do an Iron Man, I better do a half Iron Man first, right?
45:31
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, so I have fireman.
45:33
[SPEAKER_03]: It's a 1.2 mile swim 56 mile bike and then a half marathon and I had never done anything It's okay, and I'm still at the point where I I don't even have a framework for understanding What is intersatletics and what am I capable of and who am I or whatever I drive to this event?
45:49
[SPEAKER_03]: And it's a wave start, which means it's not a mass start, not every restarting at the same time.
45:54
[SPEAKER_03]: It's a wave start.
45:55
[SPEAKER_03]: So they send you off, depending on your age groups.
45:58
[SPEAKER_03]: And I can see it as vividly as it happened yesterday.
46:01
[SPEAKER_03]: Kurt is, I get, it's in a river.
46:04
[SPEAKER_03]: And I'm at the top of the river looking down, down on the river, watching the first few waves take off.
46:10
[SPEAKER_03]: And it literally Kurt, everybody that's in the water waiting for the start is like, cut out of marble.
46:17
[SPEAKER_03]: They're all Greek god and goddess.
46:19
[SPEAKER_03]: Are you kidding me?
46:22
[SPEAKER_03]: Like these are these are real athletes.
46:24
[SPEAKER_03]: What am I doing here?
46:26
[SPEAKER_03]: Like they're all in their speedos And they got no fat and they got they're all they're winning it blowing in the in the hair blowing in the wind and they're like they got this and Like they're like they're athletes and I'm going with what the hell you even doing here
46:41
[SPEAKER_03]: Right, and I was ready to get to get myself out of there.
46:46
[SPEAKER_03]: I just said, you know, dude, you got to go home.
46:48
[SPEAKER_03]: Like you don't belong to this group of people.
46:49
[SPEAKER_03]: This is stupid.
46:50
[SPEAKER_03]: This ridiculous, like who even are you, right?
46:53
[SPEAKER_03]: And then the gun goes off and I turned back around, because I was ready to, I was already walking back to my car.
46:59
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm going home, right?
47:01
[SPEAKER_03]: The gun goes off and I turn around.
47:03
[SPEAKER_03]: and okay about like 90% of the Greek god and goddesses go running to the river diving the river and go swim, but you know what, like a few of these Greek god and goddesses, they started waiting in the water and doing the breaststroke and one guy was flipping on his back, doing the backstroke because he didn't know how to swim and somebody else was swimming in circles and I went, oh my god, like
47:28
[SPEAKER_03]: like what the heck what is going on here and I go you know what they're not there to impress anybody they're just doing the best that they could do yeah like like like what does that do doing swimming on his back and this other person that's walking along the side of the river because he's afraid to jump in and I'm like well wait a second if they're just doing the best they can
47:49
[SPEAKER_03]: they can do and they don't care about when anybody thinks about them.
47:52
[SPEAKER_03]: They're just trying to overcome whatever it is.
47:54
[SPEAKER_03]: They're trying to overcome to do what they do.
47:57
[SPEAKER_03]: Then why do you think anybody's looking at you?
48:00
[SPEAKER_03]: Like why don't you just go out there and do the best you could do?
48:03
[SPEAKER_03]: And so it's just just hit me like I'm gonna finish somewhere.
48:07
[SPEAKER_03]: I don't know where I'm gonna, maybe I'll finish the last person.
48:11
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm certainly not gonna finish first.
48:13
[SPEAKER_03]: Maybe I'll finish last probably not, but I'm gonna finish somewhere and who cares where?
48:18
[SPEAKER_03]: Cause nobody cares, nobody's watching me.
48:19
[SPEAKER_03]: They're just doing their own thing.
48:21
[SPEAKER_03]: So if I...
48:23
[SPEAKER_03]: Good with the fact that nobody's watching me then I'm the only one that cares and if I do the best that I could do if I do Even what I hope to do even if I wasn't successful, but I gave it a good effort like is that winning?
48:37
[SPEAKER_03]: Like I'll finish in the middle of the pack
48:40
[SPEAKER_03]: It shouldn't I just worry about the guy in the mirror and not everybody else because nobody else cares about whatever else is thinking about why do I think and that was probably left over from that childhood of Like trying to try to worry about what other people think and making them happy why don't I just like win for myself so that was not winning in the middle of the pack so I wrote that book where each chapter is like a chapter about
49:10
[SPEAKER_03]: similarities and running a hundred million dollar business and running a hundred miles Right there's a lot and so so I just said this winning in the middle of the pack mindset which is like Kind of what can I accomplish when nobody's watching and nobody cares, but I'm the one that's carrying and I'm the one that's watching
49:25
[SPEAKER_01]: I love it.
49:28
[SPEAKER_01]: Man, I'm going to have to read that one, that one struck a chord with me, and I believe it too.
49:33
[SPEAKER_01]: So much, the comparison game doesn't work, it doesn't work David.
49:37
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, even, I remember one of my kids is super, super competitive, and he was always beat himself up if he didn't win something.
49:46
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
49:46
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, and I said you got to stop the comparison game because even if you become the world record holding athlete in an event, it's only going to last for a few months and someone's going to beat it.
49:59
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, you can only be on the top for a short period of time, what matters so much more than that is doing things that you find meaningful and rewarding for yourself.
50:11
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, you know, and then being able to share that in a positive way I think with others.
50:18
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, I remember it's so true.
50:20
[SPEAKER_03]: Let me tell you another quick story.
50:22
[SPEAKER_03]: So I was qualified for that for the Hawaii Iron Man World Championship, okay?
50:27
[SPEAKER_03]: But I had to get a qualifying race out of the way which was a half, a half Iron Man, just to be able to do the full Iron Man, you know, in Hawaii, you got to stay qualified.
50:37
[SPEAKER_03]: But I had a broken foot.
50:39
[SPEAKER_03]: Oh, if I didn't do the race, I wasn't going to be able to do Hawaii, you know, later in the year.
50:44
[SPEAKER_03]: So I decided to do this half my Iron Man with a broken foot.
50:48
[SPEAKER_03]: So how do you, how do you do a half Iron Man with a broken foot?
50:51
[SPEAKER_03]: Well, I have no idea.
50:52
[SPEAKER_03]: You don't need your foot to swim really.
50:54
[SPEAKER_03]: I put on the boot, you know, get, get to the transition.
50:56
[SPEAKER_03]: You don't really need a foot to bike because it's stable.
51:00
[SPEAKER_03]: So I'm not really hurting it.
51:04
[SPEAKER_03]: But during the run, you need your foot.
51:06
[SPEAKER_03]: Right, so I put on this boot.
51:08
[SPEAKER_03]: Okay, and I have to walk the half marathon, but I got to walk it really fast because I got to finish right and so about 13 miles of walking with a boot with a broken foot as fast as I could and and people were laughing at me, you know, people were saying,
51:32
[SPEAKER_03]: like I'm like nine or 10 miles into into the run, right, that for me to walk and I start passing these four teenagers.
51:40
[SPEAKER_03]: They must have been early early 20s, high teens, they're they're doing the race.
51:44
[SPEAKER_03]: And they had got to the point where they were all quitting.
51:46
[SPEAKER_03]: So they were all walking.
51:48
[SPEAKER_03]: and I walk by him and I hear this one kid go, oh man, an old guy in a boot just passed us.
51:55
[SPEAKER_03]: Come on guys, let's get runnin'.
51:57
[SPEAKER_03]: And I thought, that was so cool.
51:58
[SPEAKER_03]: That, right?
52:01
[SPEAKER_03]: I motivated them to go do their thing, but I was just tryin' to do my thing and they were just their thing and it's like, yeah, don't compare yourself, Teddy.
52:09
[SPEAKER_03]: I know they compare themselves to me, like a some old guy in a boot is getting, it's gonna get their faster than that.
52:14
[SPEAKER_03]: Right?
52:15
[SPEAKER_03]: And the comparing doesn't matter,
52:18
[SPEAKER_03]: Right, it can it can spark you to go.
52:22
[SPEAKER_03]: Oh, what about me?
52:23
[SPEAKER_03]: Not not of what about them, but it can give you some perspective and and oh my god, I'm million of those fun stories.
52:30
[SPEAKER_01]: So fun.
52:31
[SPEAKER_01]: So good.
52:32
[SPEAKER_01]: That's a good place to wrap it up, I think.
52:34
[SPEAKER_01]: I we could talk for hours.
52:36
[SPEAKER_01]: David, there's so much here.
52:38
[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe Maybe the key is to get your books.
52:40
[SPEAKER_01]: So with, you know, people can extend this conversation at least that way.
52:44
[SPEAKER_01]: How can people get in touch with you?
52:47
[SPEAKER_03]: Sure.
52:48
[SPEAKER_03]: Well, thank you.
52:48
[SPEAKER_03]: And the cycle of lives book, because of the subject matter and everything, I had each one of the participants pick a cancer related charity that they wanted to support.
52:58
[SPEAKER_03]: So, any money that comes in off of that book gets donated to charity 100%.
53:03
[SPEAKER_03]: So, it's just cycle of lives.
53:04
[SPEAKER_03]: You can go to cycle of lives.org.
53:06
[SPEAKER_03]: Of course, the books are available on Amazon.
53:09
[SPEAKER_03]: The cycle of life is an audible, so as well, so if you like audio books, it's a great audio book.
53:15
[SPEAKER_03]: I had 15 different actors do each one of the 15 different stories, so it's really a very cool listen if you're into it, it's cycle of life in it.
53:25
[SPEAKER_03]: Every story is dealing with a heavy topic, but every story's got to optimistic spin on it.
53:32
[SPEAKER_03]: It's not a book that will bring you down, it will enlighten you and bring you up for sure.
53:37
[SPEAKER_03]: that's beautiful.
53:39
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so cycle of lives, Amazon, Instagram, you have David Richmond, underscore cycle of lives.
53:46
[SPEAKER_01]: That's Instagram.
53:48
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, and, and look, everybody's got busy lives.
53:51
[SPEAKER_03]: I, I say, if you got the time to read a book or listen to a book, I, I appreciate it.
53:56
[SPEAKER_03]: It'd be impossible for you not to grab a nugget that will speak to you.
54:01
[SPEAKER_03]: And when that nugget speaks to you about somebody's life, it might empower you to start a hard conversation.
54:07
[SPEAKER_03]: So those are good motivations to read it.
54:09
[SPEAKER_03]: You also have a website.
54:11
[SPEAKER_03]: I do psychololive.org where it talks about, I do some public speaking and I do transformational workshops on with expressive writing and those type of things.
54:20
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
54:21
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, man, David, thank you so much for your time today.
54:24
[SPEAKER_01]: Heart felt instructive, transformative.
54:28
[SPEAKER_01]: I love your story.
54:29
[SPEAKER_01]: And you know what?
54:30
[SPEAKER_01]: I love it that you're telling your story.
54:33
[SPEAKER_03]: I don't understand because it's because of you, right?
54:37
[SPEAKER_03]: It's something that you're doing.
54:37
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, it's beautiful that you're sharing it because other people can relate.
54:41
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like seeing the old guy in a boot go by and you're like, wait a minute, maybe I could do something too, you know?
54:48
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
54:48
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
54:49
[SPEAKER_01]: So I love that.
54:50
[SPEAKER_01]: Absolutely love it.
54:51
[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you so much for your time today.
54:53
[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you Kurt.
54:54
[SPEAKER_01]: You bet.
54:55
[SPEAKER_01]: And everyone, hey, maybe you're trying to find your thing.
54:59
[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe you're trying to start.
55:01
[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe it means you need to look in the mirror.
55:03
[SPEAKER_01]: Whatever it is, it's worth it.
55:05
[SPEAKER_01]: Get out there and have some fun.