Latest / Aging ain't for Sissies / You Don’t Have To Prove Anything Anymore

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You Don’t Have To Prove Anything Anymore · Aging ain't for Sissies

• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, and welcome to Aging A for Sissies.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: My name is Marcy Backett, and I am your host.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: Well, hello.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: My music seems shorter.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not sure why, but it is what it is.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: So hello, my friends, and welcome back to Aging A for Sissies, the podcast where we tell the truth about getting older with a little humor, a little sass, and a lot of honesty.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: And from here on out, you're going to hear me say something every week because it's kind of becoming our thing.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: Around here, we're not aging quietly, we're aging intentionally.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: And I didn't realize that my podcast was kind of going by the way of intentions and aging.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I kind of like that.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: So we're going to lean into it for a little while.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: And that means we're not drifting into the next chapter of life.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: We're not apologizing for it.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: And we're definitely not pretending everything still works exactly the same way it did when we were 35.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: Now that's a very interesting thing because I was at an infectious disease doctor today.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: And uh, I know, isn't that lovely?
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: This will be the second second one in my lifetime.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: Most people never get an infectious disease doctor, and I've got two.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: But we we were going back to what happened to me 15 years ago, and I was 50.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: And it's just so weird going back in time and having to dredge up things and think about things to try to figure out what's happening now.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: And um, yeah, so I spent my morning.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: He's like, Do you remember what antibiotic they were using on you in the hot?
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: Like, no, I'm lucky if I remember, you know, he's just as sweet as could be.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: We figured out three of the antibiotics I was on at the time, but not the infusion.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: But we'll figure it out.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: We're figuring things out a little bit at a time.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: But it's funny when you're forced to go back in time and think about things.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: So what else is going on?
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: Um, foggy, kind of drizzly day here in Chicago.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know where it is where you're at today.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: Um, one of the things I've noticed, we've lived here now four years.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: This month is four years.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: Four years for Craig, a couple more months, and it'll be four years, but four years nonetheless.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: And in the last couple of years, I'm I'm an observer.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: I observe things, I notice things, I notice subtle changes.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a very big observer, and I've noticed that in my lifetime.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: One of the things I noticed a couple springs ago are we live three blocks from the lake.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: As you know, the lake is the size of an ocean.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: We have seagulls.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: And in the spring, they come in, those three blocks, and we kind of my building isn't right next to another building.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: There's space between all the buildings I'm at.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: I can't look in someone's window window directly.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: In some places you can.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: So we have kind of like what I call the center thing.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: I call it Central Park in the sky.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: And guess what?
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: I saw yesterday.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: I saw a seagull.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: I think they come in and in this area they nest.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: So I saw my first seagull.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: So that was very exciting for me.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: That means spring is really coming.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: For the cats, it means it gives them a big bird to look at because we're so high up on the 36th floor.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: Little birds don't come up here, but the seagulls do.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: They they they and they're big enough birds that the cats can watch them.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: So spring is coming tomorrow.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: Believe it or not, today's, I don't know what it is.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: My 45 degrees right now in dense fog.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: Um, tomorrow it's gonna be 70.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: I know, right?
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: Last weekend we were looking at cars, Craig, and I Saturday, and almost froze to death on the car lot.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: In Chicago, there's a car buying season, and it sure ain't early spring, late winter, I'll tell you that much.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: I almost died out there.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: I made it 30 minutes ago.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: I can't even look at cars.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: We're just gonna have to wait.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, I said cars like I'm from Chicago.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: Sorry, cars.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, um, that was funny.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: Anyhow, life is going along just swimmingly, back into my swing of things, back into working out, back into doctor's appointments, back into life.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: And you know what?
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: It feels pretty good.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: But I've decided that we are not drifting into the next chapter of life.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: We're not apologizing for it, and we're definitely not pretending that we are young.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: No, we're going into this chapter with purpose.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're in your 50s, even if you're in your late 40s, listen up because we are not going lightly on this.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: And we are definitely going into this next chapter of life with intention.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: I don't care if you're in your 60s, your 70s, or your 80s.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: When you're looking at your next part, your next chapter, I want you to go in with intention, not winging it, not seeing which way the blood pressure cuff pushes you.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to go in with attention.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: So we're doing this chapter on purpose.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: And today we're starting a brand new series on my podcast about what happens when we stop trying so hard and start living smarter.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: So, in this next little arc, we're going to do maybe eight episodes or so in this in this little chapter.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: Today is called Release the Pressure.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: Because somewhere along the way, many of us started carrying around expectations that were way too heavy.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: Pressure to look a certain way, pressure to stay busy, pressure to keep up, pressure to prove something.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: And at this age, I think a lot of us are starting to realize something.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: We don't actually have to carry that anymore.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: And let me tell you, that realization feels like taking off a backpack full of bricks.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: It really does.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: And we've talked about it a little bit here and there in some of my recent episodes, but we're going to really dive in, look at this intentionally, and and kind of pull it apart.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: So there's the pressure we grew up with.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: The pressure where and where did that where did that pressure even come from?
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: Because most of us were raised in a generation where being busy was basically a badge of honor.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: That's where it came from.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: You were supposed to work hard, keep the house together, raise the kids, show up for everything, volunteer, be reliable, be responsible.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: And if you were tired, well, you just kept going.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: Now, this is an interesting thing because this was brought to us by a generation where dad worked, mom stayed home.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: You usually had one car, maybe you had two.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: Ums did everything.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: Dads, the kids were supposed to be quiet.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: And it's kind of interesting that they placed the pressure of us to work hard, keep the house together, raise the kids, show up for everything.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: When our dads didn't show up for crap, volunteer, be reliable, be responsible.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: Our moms volunteered, but they didn't have a job.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: So, and and if you were tired, just keep going.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: Don't call in sick to work.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: Don't, I mean, oy-oy, oi.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: Rest wasn't celebrated, rest was suspicious, rest was looked down upon, rest was for the week.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: And if you sat down in the middle of the day, someone might walk in and say, Must be nice, which was basically code for.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: Why aren't you working harder?
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: So many of us got a very, very good at pushing ourselves.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: We became the people who could handle everything.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: The people with that skill is that eventually you realize you never stopped.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: Now I didn't work.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: I stayed home, but I never stopped.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: I was a volunteer at the Boy Scouts, I was PTA president.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: I was honest to God, I was so busy, I was so happy when we moved.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: And then I rebuilt that same life again.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: You just keep carrying the pressure long after you needed to.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: And at some point in your 50s and 60s, you started looking around thinking, wait a minute, who exactly am I still trying to impress?
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're in your 40s, I am glad you're listening because you're learning this a lot earlier than those of us in our 50s, 60s, and 70s.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: The pressure to stay busy.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: Now, here's a funny thing about aging: people assume you suddenly have nothing to do.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, well, doctor's appointments take up your time.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: No, but people assume just because you're old, you got nothing to do.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: And yet somehow many of us are busier than we've ever been.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I am not.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: I have been taking this intentional thing on already.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm ahead of you guys on this.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: I've been working at this.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: We do have projects, we have friends, we have family, we have commitments.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: I do.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: But I have a comfortable amount for now.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes we are so busy trying to stay productive that we forgot something really important.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: We earn the right to slow down a little.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I tell people this all the time: not to stop living, not just stop the race.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: There's a big difference.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: Living is, think about living.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: Living is doing what you love.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: Living is being intentional, intentionable, intentional about your time.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: When you're younger, you're building everything career, family, reputation, stability.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: But once you've done all that, you don't have to run quite so fast anymore.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: So even if you're in that place, stop running.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: You've done it.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: Enjoy what you've done till it's time for your next chapter.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: So this is the chapter where we start asking a different question.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: How much can I get done today?
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: But what act, not we're not, I'm sorry, we're not asking asking.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_00: How much can I get done today?
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: What actually matters today?
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: And that's a very different way to live.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: Now, today, for me, what mattered, I'll tell you about my day today.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: I had an eight o'clock doctor's appointment, as we discussed, and I had three podcasts to do.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I came home.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: I got home around 11.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: I wasn't able to go to my class at the gym because of my appointment.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I thought, let me get some laundry done.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: Then I don't, usually I do it Fridays, but tomorrow I'm going out to breakfast with friends.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: So I got my laundry going.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: You might be able to hear it in the background if you listen really carefully.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_00: And then I sat down and worked on my podcasts.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: And here I am.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: Soon as I'm done with this, you know what I'm gonna do?
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: Lay on my couch, take a nap with my cat.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: Dinner's already decided because I do HelloFresh, and tonight we're having firecracker meatballs, cream, beans, and rice.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_00: But you know who decided that?
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: HelloFresh.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: The meat's out defrosting, all the ingredients are already ready to go in the refrigerator from HelloFresh, and I will cook it and put it all together.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: It's a different way to live.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: There's that pressure to look perfect.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: Ugh.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: The pressure to age well.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: No, don't get me wrong.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: I believe in taking care of yourself.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: I go to the gym, I drink water, I try to make good choices, I take the right supplements, I use skincare.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: But have you noticed how intense that message has gotten?
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's entirely ridiculous how intense that message has gotten.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: Honestly, it's exhausting just listening to that list.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I look at social media and I think, are we aging or are we auditioning?
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_00: Because somewhere along the way, it started to feel like we had to prove we were doing aging correctly.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_00: And here's the truth: there is no grading system.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: Nobody is handing out report cards.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's not going on your permanent record.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes the healthiest thing we can do is say, I'm taking care of myself, but I'm also giving myself a break.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: I'm working on it with this damn weight thing after taking anestrozole.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: It made me gain 10 pounds.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: I'm somewhere four to eight pounds.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: It keeps fluctuating and it drives me nuts, but I'm working at it.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: But I don't want to be perfect, I want to be healthy, and I have to remember that because perfection is overrated.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_00: You don't need a perfect house, you don't need a perfect body, and you don't need a perfect schedule.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_00: You just need a life that feels good to you.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: And honestly, sometimes good enough is fantastic.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're a woman and you're watching this season of Bridgerton, Mama Bridgerton gets her groove back, and it is a fabulous thing to watch.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: She's had eight children, her husband has died, and she is stepping out again.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_00: And it has been a beautiful character arc for her, and it's given me a lot to think about.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_00: A good day might simply be a nice cup of coffee.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: Of course, we have to start with our coffee: a walk outside, a conversation with a friend, a quiet evening where nobody is asking you for anything.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_00: Twenty years ago, we might have called that a boring day.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: Now we call that a really good day.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: That's the shift that's happening.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_00: It's okay to do nothing productive but have a cup of coffee, a chat with a friend, a workout.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_00: Always gotta have a workout in there.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_00: It could be your walk that's your workout.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: We don't have to prove ourselves anymore.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: Another beautiful part of aging.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_00: Eventually you stop feeling like you have to prove yourself all the time.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_00: You don't need to win every argument.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: You don't need to correct every person who's wrong.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_00: I'm I work at that.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_00: You don't need to explain every decision you make.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: You just need to start living your life, people.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: And if someone doesn't understand it, that's okay.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_00: If your kids don't get it, your friends don't get it, whatever it is you're doing, if you get it, that's okay.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_00: Because the older you get, the more you realize something incredibly freeing.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_00: Other people's opinions are none of your business.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_00: That might be one of the most powerful lessons of the entire chapter of life.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: Other people's opinions are none of your business.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_00: So, what happens when you release the pressure?
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_00: Something wonderful happens.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_00: You start to notice things again.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_00: You notice moments, you notice joy.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_00: You see, the seagulls have come back.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_00: When you allow yourself to relax, you notice the small things, you notice people who actually matter.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of constantly trying to get somewhere, you start appreciating where you are.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the beginning of intentional living.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_00: Which is exactly what this new series is about.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_00: Because as we move through the next few episodes of Aging Eight for Sissies, we're going to talk about things like protecting your energy, letting go of nonsense, appreciating small joys, reinventing yourself when you feel like it, all the things that make this stage of life not just manageable manageable, but actually really good.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_00: So we've started our new series.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you're gonna enjoy it.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_00: I hope it brings you things you need.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_00: Golly, aging is hard enough.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_00: But if we can do it together, if we can chat together, I'm enjoying my messages that I'm receiving from you.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_00: You can email me at Marcybacchusmedia at gmail.com.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_00: You can find information about me and these podcasts and listen to them all at Marcybacchusmedia.com.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_00: I love the fact that we're doing this together.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I want you to know if you take one thing from today's episode, let it be this.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to carry that same pressure you carried 20 or 30 years ago.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_00: You not you do not have to run at the same speed.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to prove anything to anyone.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: You've already done the hard work.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_00: Now you get to decide how you want to live the rest of your story.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_00: It's nobody else's story, it's yours.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_00: And that's a pretty amazing place to be.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to remember around here we're not aging quietly, we're aging intentionally.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_00: I'll see you next time because aging might not be for sissies, but it can still be pretty wonderful.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_00: Go out there and do something positive.