Latest / Curiously Guided Podcast / Ep.71 | Tapping Back into the Magic After Getting Stuck, with Shay & Mariah

Transcript

Ep.71 | Tapping Back into the Magic After Getting Stuck, with Shay & Mariah · Curiously Guided Podcast

0:07
SPEAKER_01: Welcome to the Curiously Guided Podcast, the show for intentional business owners and curious minds looking to combine the inner work and outer work to create a life, business, and career that feels deeply fulfilling and wildly aligned on all levels.
0:20
SPEAKER_01: We're your hosts.
0:21
SPEAKER_00: I'm Shay and I'm Mariah.
0:24
SPEAKER_00: We're two business strategists passionate about rewriting the rules to success in a way that combines both strategy and energetics.
0:34
SPEAKER_00: So this podcast started with both of us being in the online business world, craving more deep, meaningful, and transparent conversations.
0:42
SPEAKER_00: So we decided to come together and create a space to do just that.
0:47
SPEAKER_00: Our guest interviews highlight cool humans doing cool shit, chasing their dreams, and going down their own rabbit holes to create a more sustainable and fulfilling life in whatever way that means for them.
1:00
SPEAKER_01: We see this podcast as everything that people won't share on social media.
1:04
SPEAKER_01: We don't give a fuck about highlight reels or proven frameworks.
1:08
SPEAKER_01: We love getting in the weeds, asking the tough questions, and doing the work to create a life and career we love, all while committing to ourselves and our personal growth.
1:17
SPEAKER_01: Because only through that lens can we truly create a lifestyle that feels good from the inside out.
1:22
SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Curiously Guided Podcast.
1:26
SPEAKER_00: Are you ready to trust the nudge and let curiosity guide the way?
1:30
SPEAKER_00: Because we're excited to shake shit up and live outside the box with you.
1:37
SPEAKER_01: Okay, welcome back, friends.
1:38
SPEAKER_01: We are excited to have you on uh this episode today.
1:41
SPEAKER_01: It feels a little uh like we're starting in a silly place.
1:44
SPEAKER_01: Mariah and I are both fighting like a million technical difficulties this morning.
1:49
SPEAKER_01: And it's definitely um, you know, just for example, I have about five microphones sitting in front of me right now, and we can't get any of the audio to work.
1:57
SPEAKER_01: So if the audio sounds weird in this episode, just bear with us.
2:01
SPEAKER_01: We're working on it.
2:02
SPEAKER_01: Uh, we're kind of letting things be perfectly imperfect.
2:04
SPEAKER_01: And um honestly, this is a really good metaphor for me for today's episode, which is really focused on how to get yourself out of stuck.
2:13
SPEAKER_01: And so, what I found this morning in particular, I was laughing with Mariah.
2:17
SPEAKER_01: Uh, my fridge is on the fritz, there's all kinds of things in my house going wrong.
2:21
SPEAKER_01: I sit down here, none of my audio is working, and I feel myself acting like a little kid.
2:26
SPEAKER_01: Like I definitely noticed myself like almost having a tantrum, and I like really saw a little shake come out.
2:32
SPEAKER_01: And um in the past, I'm someone that's very uh influenced by my moods.
2:41
SPEAKER_01: I'm someone that, like, if all these things go wrong and I'm starting off my day on a bad foot, I would kind of let that carry me through the whole day and derail me.
2:50
SPEAKER_01: And um, you know, lately I've been trying to really focus on building my own resilience, kind of being a person that lets these things slide off a little bit more easy, laughs about them, has a little fun with them.
3:01
SPEAKER_01: And Mariah is like an awesome friend to have if that's your goal.
3:04
SPEAKER_01: So she was really great this morning about like pulling me out of it and uh laughing a little bit and just kind of rolling with the punches.
3:11
SPEAKER_01: So thank you guys for rolling with our punches.
3:13
SPEAKER_01: And today we're gonna talk a little bit about like what happens when life gets too heavy and you get overwhelmed and you feel like you're Mariah has this lovely phrase she always says, stuck in the sauce.
3:24
SPEAKER_01: You just feel like you're stuck in the sauce.
3:26
SPEAKER_01: No matter what you do, you can't get out, you know, you you don't even know what getting out looks like.
3:31
SPEAKER_01: Everything feels gray and black.
3:33
SPEAKER_01: And I personally am coming out of a season of feeling very stuck, very lost.
3:39
SPEAKER_01: And I know how, to be frank with y'all, you know, I'm still on my journey out of a season of getting to a pretty low, isolated place.
3:48
SPEAKER_01: And I've um I today in today's episode, I'm gonna be kind of the person coming out of it.
3:53
SPEAKER_01: And Mariah is the person that's been helping.
3:56
SPEAKER_01: She's got awesome perspective on all of that, and she's always been um someone that I've turned to when I'm feeling like, what the fuck?
4:04
SPEAKER_01: Like, where am I?
4:05
SPEAKER_01: What am I doing?
4:06
SPEAKER_01: Why is everything feeling so heavy?
4:07
SPEAKER_01: She's got a really great way at helping people see things from different perspectives and kind of reconnect with what we're doing here in the first place.
4:16
SPEAKER_01: So she's been a very big help for me getting out of this season.
4:20
SPEAKER_01: And we wanted to share with you guys just some approaches and strategies that we've learned in this online business world and in life, or when you go through seasons of feeling really stuck and lost.
4:33
SPEAKER_01: So that's the goal of today's episode: how to pivot, what to do if you're there right now, and some things that we've found that work well for us.
4:41
SPEAKER_00: Well, I didn't realize that this was going to be like fucking gassing me up in the in the beginning of this episode.
4:46
SPEAKER_00: What's up, dude?
4:47
SPEAKER_00: I receive all of that.
4:49
SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much.
4:50
SPEAKER_00: I feel like what's I guess been helpful for me is, you know, we did that episode talking about Ash's uh your genius self program.
4:59
SPEAKER_00: And like she made us do this thing.
5:00
SPEAKER_00: We're like, we had to take this test to figure out like what our values were.
5:04
SPEAKER_00: And like you've heard me say this in numerous episodes.
5:06
SPEAKER_00: I fucking roll my eyes at that.
5:08
SPEAKER_00: I'm just like, what do you mean?
5:09
SPEAKER_00: Like transparency, integrity, like, of course those are my values type thing.
5:14
SPEAKER_00: But what surprised me is that humor was my number one value.
5:20
SPEAKER_00: And so, like me being able to see my life and to see how I approach things like that, I feel like that's been really validating of like, yeah, that is a zone of genius of me.
5:31
SPEAKER_00: Is like even in the dark, shitty times, I'm not saying that like I'm laugh, I'm laughing at your pain.
5:36
SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
5:37
SPEAKER_00: But it's one of those things where it's like I can come down with you and like try to point out things and maybe we can bring some humor into it.
5:45
SPEAKER_00: So it brings some levity into the conversation because I feel like that's what allows us to get out of the sauce.
5:51
SPEAKER_00: But also, this doesn't mean that I also don't get stuck in the sauce.
5:56
SPEAKER_00: Like I will send 17-minute voice notes spiraling about things.
6:01
SPEAKER_00: So, like, just because just because I add some humor into things doesn't mean that like I'm also not in the sauce sometimes.
6:09
SPEAKER_00: And I feel like that's just important.
6:10
SPEAKER_00: Like, we're all fucking in it all of the time.
6:13
SPEAKER_00: And like through conversations, especially, I feel like in the past few months, I've been having conversation with business friends and like marketing and business during this season.
6:23
SPEAKER_00: Like, people have been stuck in the sauce.
6:24
SPEAKER_00: And like the most common saucy thing that people do, like with their marketing specifically, just to give an example, is like thinking that you have to market your business like everybody else.
6:37
SPEAKER_00: And so then that makes you feel like you're stuck in a box.
6:39
SPEAKER_00: And I feel like I get this with my health and like figuring out and like detoxing and like a whole bunch of shit that I'm dealing with.
6:46
SPEAKER_00: It's like I'll get stuck in the sauce of like I'm never gonna figure this out.
6:50
SPEAKER_00: I'm never gonna figure this out.
6:51
SPEAKER_00: I'm never gonna find a light at the end of the tunnel.
6:54
SPEAKER_00: And then I feel like another one that I can get stuck in the sauce is just like where, and I feel like stuck in the sauce is like gripping, like it's control.
7:03
SPEAKER_00: Like we're seeing it through one perspective and we're like grasping onto that perspective.
7:07
SPEAKER_00: And I feel like I can also get that way from us moving so often lately.
7:12
SPEAKER_00: Like we moved from Asheville down to Tampa for a couple months, and now we're considering moving back up to Buffalo.
7:18
SPEAKER_00: So I'm having conversations with Andrew, and I notice I'm starting to white knuckle things and be like, well, when are we moving?
7:23
SPEAKER_00: What area in Buffalo are we gonna move to?
7:25
SPEAKER_00: What is this?
7:26
SPEAKER_00: We got to start doing this now.
7:27
SPEAKER_00: And he's like, bitch, breathe.
7:30
SPEAKER_00: Like, we don't need an answer right now.
7:32
SPEAKER_00: Like it is November.
7:34
SPEAKER_00: This isn't happening until February.
7:36
SPEAKER_00: Like, take a deep breath.
7:37
SPEAKER_00: We're allowed to move through these things.
7:39
SPEAKER_00: So I feel like having somebody to verbalize and rationalize with is just really fucking helpful.
7:46
SPEAKER_01: I liked what you said about I'm never gonna get out of this.
7:49
SPEAKER_01: I think that's the thought while you're in the sauce that like can take you even farther down.
7:54
SPEAKER_01: That's definitely something like it's like, yeah, I know I'm down.
7:58
SPEAKER_01: And then, but you don't see a way out.
8:00
SPEAKER_01: And you don't, to me, it's like, okay, what I've been doing has stopped working in some way, and I don't see what the right path ahead is, and I feel stuck and I feel like I'm never gonna get out of it.
8:12
SPEAKER_01: And that, and that's my tendency to go to more like absolute all or nothing thinking.
8:17
SPEAKER_01: So I think the first step really is remembering, of course, there's a way out of it.
8:22
SPEAKER_01: And also the first point you made, this is part of life.
8:26
SPEAKER_01: Everybody, life is just a season of highs and then a season of lows and back and forth.
8:31
SPEAKER_01: It's all a cycle, right?
8:33
SPEAKER_01: So um I think remembering that this is normal, there's no shame in getting down.
8:39
SPEAKER_01: Down is a really awesome place because you're being honest about what's real for you right now.
8:44
SPEAKER_01: And so I think it starts with a, of course I'll get out of this.
8:48
SPEAKER_01: I have before.
8:49
SPEAKER_01: I it'll come back in the future, and that's okay, that's life.
8:53
SPEAKER_01: And then B, um, don't force it.
8:56
SPEAKER_01: I I think that I heard some really helpful advice.
8:58
SPEAKER_01: You know, if you're in depression or in a really low spot, for me, like I'm a fixer and a doer and achiever, and I want to try to fix my way out of it.
9:08
SPEAKER_01: I'm like looking for the check boxes of the list of things.
9:11
SPEAKER_00: And Googling 75 things, and you're like, how to solve X problem.
9:15
SPEAKER_01: And of course, my Instagram or my phone is listening to me.
9:18
SPEAKER_01: So like all of my ads are about like somatic workouts I can do and like all these things.
9:23
SPEAKER_01: And you you start to just get overwhelmed and you get deeper and deeper.
9:26
SPEAKER_01: But one thing I found really helpful was just kind of calling a spade a spade.
9:30
SPEAKER_01: Like I'm depressed, I'm down, and I'm gonna let myself be here as long as I need to be here, right?
9:35
SPEAKER_01: You can't force yourself out of the sauce, and that's definitely my tendency to just think it through multiple every angle.
9:42
SPEAKER_01: How can I solve this problem?
9:44
SPEAKER_01: But it's not really a problem that is solved in that way.
9:48
SPEAKER_01: It's it's um for me, it kind of starts with a bit of humility and like, hey, this is where I am right now, and like I'm gonna love myself anyway here.
9:56
SPEAKER_01: And if I need to be down, my body's telling me I need to be down, something's out of alignment, I'm gonna sit here until I feel like I have the capacity to move forward.
10:05
SPEAKER_01: So for me, the conversation about getting around out of the sauce, my brain always tends to work in all or nothing.
10:12
SPEAKER_01: So I want to have this like magic solution.
10:15
SPEAKER_01: Like, okay, if I wake up and I eat 30 grams of protein and then I do 30 minutes of exercise and then I and that's gonna solve all these problems.
10:22
SPEAKER_01: And not that that doesn't, not that that's not helpful, but actually for me, what getting out of the sauce has actually looked like is just little baby steps, little moments, little glimpses of what I used to feel like.
10:37
SPEAKER_01: So, you know, movement has been a big part of me, um, kind of getting out of my head and into my body.
10:43
SPEAKER_01: And for me, getting out of the sauce just happens in a very slow series of baby steps where I am just asking myself right now, what can I do to fill my cup?
10:55
SPEAKER_01: What can I do to build on my capacity?
10:58
SPEAKER_01: And then do that thing and detach from the rest.
11:01
SPEAKER_01: For me lately, it's been taking dance classes.
11:03
SPEAKER_01: I noticed that like when I was working out, everything was very linear.
11:06
SPEAKER_01: You know, I was on the bike, I was on a run, I was just doing these very linear motions.
11:10
SPEAKER_01: And when I take like a dance workout class, I'm I'm silly and I'm I'm out of the box and I'm making mistakes, and I end a class feeling on such a high.
11:19
SPEAKER_01: And I noticed, I was like, oh, there's a little bit of like silliness here that I'm missing, a little bit of play, a little bit of break in the rules that's feeding me and building this capacity up.
11:29
SPEAKER_01: So all I do when I'm in those low places is I'm just like literally right now, what is my body telling me that I need and how could I give that to myself?
11:38
SPEAKER_01: And then asking that question over and over and over.
11:40
SPEAKER_01: Cause when you do that, you start to reconnect with the bigger picture, the bigger magic.
11:45
SPEAKER_01: You start to feel filled up in a way that you haven't in a really long time.
11:48
SPEAKER_01: And then you get a little sip and you're like, oh, I would like a few more little sips, right?
11:53
SPEAKER_01: And so I think I we have a tendency to think like, I'm in the sauce and I need to get out of the sauce tomorrow.
11:59
SPEAKER_01: And here's my 10-step strategy.
12:01
SPEAKER_01: And for me, it's never been anything like that.
12:03
SPEAKER_01: It's been more of like this slow capacity building.
12:06
SPEAKER_01: Okay, every day I build that capacity a little bit more, a little bit more, and now I can take on a little bit more.
12:12
SPEAKER_01: And that's kind of frustrating to those of us that are kind of overachievers.
12:17
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
12:18
SPEAKER_00: I think that I mean, you said a bunch of really good shit that we can go down so many different paths, but like I agree, it forces you to sit with it until you accept it.
12:29
SPEAKER_00: And so when you start to, I feel like the first thing is noticing.
12:33
SPEAKER_00: So, like, even in the intro, when you were talking about like you're throwing a tantrum, and like I feel like blah, blah, blah, it's like even the awareness of like, I'm a toddler throwing a tantrum right now, even that awareness is healing in itself.
12:45
SPEAKER_00: And I think that as humans, especially like more left-brained people, like that we're used to strategizing and problem solving.
12:52
SPEAKER_00: We forget how much healing is in the awareness.
12:56
SPEAKER_00: And also just like in the society that we live in and all these healing modalities, like everybody, so many things are taught like the solution is outside of us, but then we forget how much healing can come in when we're simply aware of it.
13:09
SPEAKER_00: And I don't think that we give ourselves enough credit, especially like people that have really done some deep work on just like exploring things.
13:18
SPEAKER_00: Awareness of self does not come easy to everybody.
13:24
SPEAKER_00: That is like a little zone of genius thing that we don't give ourselves enough credit for.
13:31
SPEAKER_00: And the awareness on its own can, like you said, it can expand perspective and expand your capacity all on its own.
13:40
SPEAKER_00: And I think that's really the magic because, like, you hear the phrase all of the time, you can't solve a problem with the same perspective or same brain that created it.
13:51
SPEAKER_00: So when you're stuck in a place, it's not about solving the problem, it's how can we shift perspective?
13:58
SPEAKER_00: And sometimes it's moving your body and dance, like you said for me.
14:01
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it's, and it sounds so fucking lame.
14:04
SPEAKER_00: Even when I said this when we were planning this episode, both of us rolled our eyes as soon as I said it.
14:09
SPEAKER_00: But it's literally like focusing on your breath.
14:13
SPEAKER_00: And I was so fucking annoyed that I said that.
14:16
SPEAKER_00: I literally was like, cool, Mariah, like you sound like everybody else.
14:20
SPEAKER_00: Like, but but it's really true.
14:22
SPEAKER_00: Like when I'm feeling stuck, it's not about the doing and how do I move out of this and how do I take action, whatever.
14:28
SPEAKER_00: It's actually how can I allow myself to come back to my body?
14:32
SPEAKER_00: How can I allow myself to move from my head space down into my body, down into my heart space?
14:39
SPEAKER_00: And I think that's why breath is so important because it does that.
14:43
SPEAKER_00: It brings you from your head down into your body body, noticing how your belly rises and falls.
14:50
SPEAKER_00: And I feel like that's the juice of it.
14:52
SPEAKER_00: It's not so much of like, and there probably is like some fucking scientific shit about like how the breath does help.
14:59
SPEAKER_00: But for me, it's just the noticing, it just allows me to drop into my body and that alone can change the awareness, can change the capacity, and can change the perspective.
15:09
SPEAKER_00: And then I think what's also really helpful for me is like once I've kind of gone into my body a little bit, usually I've been, this is a muscle that I've had to strengthen, but it's essentially how can I ask myself better questions when I'm in this place?
15:22
SPEAKER_00: And so the question that I've been asking the past few weeks, when I notice myself, you know, just like tinkering into a place that like I'm not really down to go into.
15:31
SPEAKER_00: The question is, am I adding extra pressure where it doesn't need to be?
15:37
SPEAKER_00: Am I make like, am I white knuckling and trying to control something?
15:42
SPEAKER_00: Am I trying to make myself find an answer when I don't, when maybe I'm not supposed to have the answer?
15:47
SPEAKER_00: Am I adding extra stuff to my to-do list that actually doesn't need to be done?
15:51
SPEAKER_00: It's like I'll go through this thing where I'm like, oh, I need to create, let's say, sourdough cinnamon rolls.
15:56
SPEAKER_00: But then it's like I have like a super long workday with like a whole bunch of stuff.
16:00
SPEAKER_00: I'm recording YouTube videos and like I just have a pack day.
16:03
SPEAKER_00: And then it's like I'm stressing out and I'm like overwhelmed and like, fuck now, I have to put together the dough for sourdough cinnamon rolls.
16:11
SPEAKER_00: And it's like, no, who said you need to make sourdough cinnamon rolls today?
16:15
SPEAKER_00: You did.
16:15
SPEAKER_00: Like you made this.
16:17
SPEAKER_00: You put this barrier, you put this to-do list item on your list, but you don't actually have to do it today.
16:26
SPEAKER_00: And I feel like as humans, especially as people that are running a business, we're so used to making decisions and planning things and organizing things that we can get caught in a pattern of like adding random shit to our to-do list and then feeling overwhelmed by it.
16:38
SPEAKER_00: So I feel like that question's really helpful.
16:40
SPEAKER_00: Am I adding extra pressure where it doesn't need to be?
16:44
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, absolutely.
16:45
SPEAKER_01: Um, I think that that is the idea of questioning is curiosity.
16:52
SPEAKER_01: Ironically, the name of this podcast, for me has been the secret of getting out of this because a lot of times we get stuck in our routines and our belief and just like our normal way of thinking.
17:02
SPEAKER_01: And um, so for me, when I've been facing some some tough situations, taking a moment, like Mariah said, to kind of take a breath, step back and see if I can look at the situation a bit more objectively.
17:15
SPEAKER_01: You know, I'll ask the thing I've been asking myself, it's a little Byron Katie-esque, but it's like, is there another way that I could interpret the situation?
17:23
SPEAKER_01: Like, let's say that I'm upset with my boss because I feel like he's being unfair, or you know, coworker, person I've employed, whoever.
17:31
SPEAKER_01: Um, I have a story running about what I think has happened, and I can very much run with that story for a long way.
17:37
SPEAKER_01: What's been helpful for me is to then stop myself in that storytelling and say, could there be more to this story that I don't know?
17:46
SPEAKER_01: Could there be another way to look at this?
17:48
SPEAKER_01: It could this person have a piece of information that I don't have and maybe that's why they're acting this way?
17:54
SPEAKER_01: And it doesn't really matter what the answer is, just the fact that like my narrative isn't the only narrative immediately creates more space for me to start thinking about problems from different perspectives.
18:06
SPEAKER_01: Because that is the trick in all of this.
18:08
SPEAKER_01: Mariah and I both recently had an experience where we both kind of felt a little in the sauce and we had a friend or a mentor kind of point out to us, like, hey, is there another way to think about this?
18:20
SPEAKER_01: You know, and we both were like, oh, oh yeah, yeah.
18:23
SPEAKER_01: And so for me lately, it's been I wake up in the middle of the night spiraling about something, and just immediately, is there a different way this could be?
18:31
SPEAKER_01: Is it possible that I may be misunderstanding something about this?
18:35
SPEAKER_01: Yes, the answer is always yes.
18:36
SPEAKER_01: I don't have all the information in the world.
18:38
SPEAKER_01: And so just that awareness of like, hey, my narrative, my inner narrator is being really strong right now, and they perhaps don't have all of the information.
18:48
SPEAKER_01: They're maybe perhaps even in kind of like lizard brain, just trying to keep me alive mode, that has been enough to kind of like snap me out of it and just be aware, like where I'm white knuckling, where I'm trying to control just from a place of fear and wanting to feel safe.
19:03
SPEAKER_01: Um, because you're right, you know, all of this, we are not in control of anything.
19:07
SPEAKER_01: And it's an illusion that we are, right?
19:08
SPEAKER_01: And so kind of detaching from that and realizing, oh, there's a million ways to interpret any situation, and like that's life has been very freeing for me.
19:18
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and I think it that kind of brings in the other thing that's sad a lot is like it's happening for you, not to you.
19:26
SPEAKER_00: And that can be really hard to hear when you're going through tough stuff.
19:31
SPEAKER_00: And like it could also be taken apart in different ways, you know what depending on the situation.
19:37
SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
19:38
SPEAKER_00: So, like, use all of this with a grain of salt.
19:40
SPEAKER_00: If it feels too intense, like maybe it's it's not the message for you right now.
19:44
SPEAKER_00: But that's been really helpful for me in terms of like it's happening if it's happening for me and not to me, then what am I supposed to learn from this?
19:54
SPEAKER_00: And then it brings me into that higher perspective of like there's so much that I can't see.
20:02
SPEAKER_00: And like it brings it back to like the energetics and just like God source like something bigger because it's like I believe that there is something bigger, and so it's like if it's if all of this is happening for me, what am I supposed to learn in order to help me evolve?
20:22
SPEAKER_00: Because that's always been my perspective for a long time is that like we're in earth school, we're here to evolve and we're here to learn about each other, about ourselves, about so many things, and like so often as humans, we only look at the things that we can see physically.
20:37
SPEAKER_00: But if we can remember that we're actually all energy and there's a lot of pockets of energy that we can't see, like the wind, we can't see the wind, but we know that the wind is a real thing, and it's like, what's happening behind the curtain?
20:53
SPEAKER_00: Or and this is why I think hindsight is so powerful because we can see how it was all connected.
21:00
SPEAKER_00: Oh, I had to learn that in order to get here.
21:02
SPEAKER_00: But when you're in the moment and you're feeling stuck, it can feel fucking suffocating, truly.
21:08
SPEAKER_00: And especially, I feel like we can get this this can happen to me sometimes, and it just happened recently, like getting stuck in the mundane, getting stuck in just like the day-to-day routine of just like wake up, make coffee, drink water, do work, go to the gym, make food.
21:26
SPEAKER_00: And it's like for a little bit, I wasn't really connecting spiritually with myself.
21:33
SPEAKER_00: I was really stuck in just the day-to-day things, especially because like this was when we were moving and trying to figure out where the fuck we were moving to from Asheville.
21:42
SPEAKER_00: And so it's like I was stuck in the main mundane things of like trying to problem solve, figure out where we're where we were gonna live, trying to find a place that made sense, trying to figure out like all of these like physical things.
21:53
SPEAKER_00: And then I was working with a mentor and she was like, Hey, your energy feels like not.
22:00
SPEAKER_00: Where it usually is.
22:01
SPEAKER_00: Are you connecting with yourself spiritually?
22:03
SPEAKER_00: And like just that question, I was like, no, dude, I didn't take, I haven't pulled any fucking tarot cards.
22:10
SPEAKER_00: And I'm not saying that like in order to connect spiritually, you have to fucking pull tarot cards, but like you can do whatever you do, but that's what I do.
22:16
SPEAKER_00: I was like, I haven't pulled tarot cards, I haven't journaled, I haven't even meditated.
22:20
SPEAKER_00: And I'm the bitch that will like write a prescription for meditation for every single person.
22:25
SPEAKER_00: And like I wasn't meditating.
22:26
SPEAKER_00: And it's like, it's not that my connection to my higher self, to something bigger, to the magic, it's not like that connection was broken.
22:37
SPEAKER_00: Because I think that when we're in that in that spot when they're stuck in the in the mundane or stuck in the sauce, we can feel like fuck, we're disconnected.
22:45
SPEAKER_00: We lost our connection.
22:46
SPEAKER_00: And it's like this visual of like somebody cutting a cord and like we've lost the connection, the string that pulls us both together.
22:54
SPEAKER_00: But it's actually not true.
22:55
SPEAKER_00: We never lose connection.
22:57
SPEAKER_00: We're actually never quote unquote disconnected.
23:01
SPEAKER_00: We lose the perspective that we are connected.
23:05
SPEAKER_00: And I feel like there's a difference there.
23:07
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's like something that you have access to whenever you want, but you have to choose to go tap into it, right?
23:13
SPEAKER_01: And I had a similar Mariah had that happen.
23:16
SPEAKER_01: And then I was talking to a former guest we've had on the podcast actually, and she was sharing a story with me about um she had been noticing these weird like synchronicities, and this one symbol kept popping up for her, and it was she kept following it and finding out new things.
23:32
SPEAKER_01: And she was so excited to share this story with me of like intuition and like connecting with life's mystery and like these crazy things.
23:39
SPEAKER_01: It and Mariah will do that too.
23:41
SPEAKER_01: Like, oh, I asked to see a strawberry and I saw a strawberry.
23:44
SPEAKER_01: I, when my friend was sharing this with me, I realized like, oh shit, I am so far away from that.
23:52
SPEAKER_01: I used to be that person that was, oh, you know, I'm available for the mystery, you know, like there's a lot going on here, and that's fun and exciting.
23:59
SPEAKER_01: And I got caught up in just the day-to-day of human life.
24:03
SPEAKER_01: And and I tell Mariah sometimes, like everything was feeling like a chore.
24:07
SPEAKER_01: And I was really not taking time to connect to access that channel that we all have access to by getting still, meditating, moving, whatever it is that helps you access that.
24:18
SPEAKER_01: And so having someone kind of like be excited to share with me all of those things was I had realized, like, oh, I've gotten out of a place of where I have been.
24:28
SPEAKER_01: But the flip side of this is also what you shared.
24:30
SPEAKER_01: I always find it really empowering.
24:32
SPEAKER_01: And Mariah, you gave me this perspective.
24:34
SPEAKER_01: When you're down and low, it's exactly what you said.
24:38
SPEAKER_01: Life is giving you something to learn from and build muscles around so you can go take on the next level in this video game of life.
24:48
SPEAKER_01: Problems never end.
24:49
SPEAKER_00: We always think that problems are gonna stop.
24:51
SPEAKER_00: Once I get here, problems are gonna cease to exist.
24:53
SPEAKER_00: That never fucking happens.
24:55
SPEAKER_00: You just get better at dealing with problems.
24:56
SPEAKER_01: Well, and so here's the thing is when you're stuck, for me at least, it's it often stems from a place of like, I'm not where I think I should be.
25:04
SPEAKER_01: But here's the thing: I don't have the nervous system capacity to hold what I need to hold when I'm at that place.
25:11
SPEAKER_01: I have to build that capacity.
25:13
SPEAKER_01: And so what I am building today is literally growing my muscles.
25:17
SPEAKER_01: So when I am at that place I want to be at, I can hold it.
25:20
SPEAKER_01: I can't hold it right now.
25:21
SPEAKER_01: I can't have that right now.
25:23
SPEAKER_01: I I'm in I'm in the place where I'm at right now because I'm supposed to be there.
25:25
SPEAKER_01: I'm supposed to be building the strength, right?
25:28
SPEAKER_01: So um I for me, that was really empowering when I'm low because I get down, I'm not accomplishing anything, I'm not working towards my goals to remember, yeah, the fuck you are.
25:42
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, growth happens in all kinds of ways, right?
25:44
SPEAKER_01: Like trees grow out and big and up, but they also grow roots down into the soil.
25:48
SPEAKER_01: So when I am low, reconnecting to like the power that's there and the possibility of like, no, life is giving you this for a reason.
25:59
SPEAKER_01: What lesson is there here to learn?
26:01
SPEAKER_01: And and you know, like uh that for me, I don't know if that sounds a little sick, but for some reason, like re-remembering that that like there's power here too, there's growth here too.
26:12
SPEAKER_01: Probably the most influential stuff, the most long-lasting stuff is happening right now, and that's gonna like serve me later.
26:20
SPEAKER_01: It just helps me remember that, like, oh yeah, I'm not disconnected from my life's path.
26:24
SPEAKER_01: I'm not disconnected from spirit.
26:25
SPEAKER_01: This is all what it exactly what it needs to be right now.
26:29
SPEAKER_01: And and to Mariah's point, one thing I shared with her while we were planning this episode, it's funny how you can get advice when you're low and sometimes it doesn't land.
26:39
SPEAKER_01: Um, when I first heard about my husband's health stuff, I was going to a therapist and she kind of mentioned, you know, oh Shay, it it might be helpful just to remember that like you are just the tiniest little speck of dust, and like the universe is a million football fields compared to your little speck of dust.
26:55
SPEAKER_01: And then the problems in your brain are even smaller than that.
26:59
SPEAKER_01: And just think about the big picture.
27:01
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, fuck you, bitch.
27:02
SPEAKER_01: Like, fuck you.
27:04
SPEAKER_01: Seriously.
27:04
SPEAKER_01: I was like, how could you say that to me right now?
27:07
SPEAKER_01: But then ironically, last week I heard that same advice delivered in another way, and I literally felt my shoulders drop.
27:14
SPEAKER_01: I was like, oh, that's so freeing to remember that all my microphone problems and all my fridge problems, just a little speck of dust.
27:24
SPEAKER_01: Like it's just so minuscule.
27:27
SPEAKER_01: And I'm caught up in the mundane, I'm so myopic, I'm so focused on my own problems and my own issues.
27:33
SPEAKER_01: Zoom out, right?
27:35
SPEAKER_01: Just a little speck of dust.
27:37
SPEAKER_01: Like for some reason, recently, that has been feeling like the most liberating thing in the world.
27:42
SPEAKER_01: Like all of these things that feel so heavy and feel so serious, they're not, right?
27:48
SPEAKER_01: And at the end of our lives, we'll kind of look back and like laugh on these things that felt so heavy.
27:52
SPEAKER_01: But I definitely have empathy.
27:53
SPEAKER_01: When you're in it, it's hard to see out of it.
27:56
SPEAKER_01: But long story short, I've just found it really helpful when you kind of point out, like, hey, you're building muscles right now, like you're still on your path.
28:03
SPEAKER_00: I just love when you say a little speck of dust.
28:06
SPEAKER_00: Like it just may it just sounds like a little cartoon.
28:09
SPEAKER_00: Like if I were to watch a cartoon on Saturday morning and like the little speck of dust like goes out into the universe, like it's like a child's book or something.
28:17
SPEAKER_00: So it just like it fills me up with joy in order to to visualize that.
28:24
SPEAKER_00: But it's it's true.
28:27
SPEAKER_00: And I think also, what if we asked ourselves, like, what if rest was growth?
28:34
SPEAKER_00: Like, what like we need to, in order to grow and in order to evolve, we need to have moments of micro pivots, moments of recalibration, moments of like feeling stuck because that's what motivates us to move forward, to take action, to move through the problems, is feeling how hard it is to be stuck and we need it.
29:00
SPEAKER_00: Although, like my human mind is like, I don't need it.
29:04
SPEAKER_00: I can figure out whatever the fuck I want.
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30:36
SPEAKER_00: All right, let's take you back to the episode.
30:45
SPEAKER_00: But the other thing that's been really helpful for me, and I just said it to myself yesterday when I was getting worked up about like, where are we gonna live in February?
30:54
SPEAKER_00: I was like spiraling for a hot second.
30:56
SPEAKER_00: And I just took a breath and I was like, God, just let it be easy.
31:00
SPEAKER_00: Just fucking let it be easy.
31:03
SPEAKER_00: And that mantra has been really helpful in these transitions.
31:07
SPEAKER_00: And you brought up like the synchronicities and the magic.
31:10
SPEAKER_00: And I think I shared this on like a podcast episode in the very, very beginning, like season one.
31:15
SPEAKER_00: But I do this quite often.
31:16
SPEAKER_00: And Andrew used to think I was like a like a looney tune for doing this, but now I'm I'm getting him on board.
31:22
SPEAKER_00: We're about to celebrate four years together in a relationship, and I'm finally starting to crack him a little bit.
31:29
SPEAKER_00: And it's fun to see because he used to think I was nuts, and now he's like, Oh, cool, like sounds great.
31:34
SPEAKER_00: So basically, when we were trying to figure out moving from Asheville, the two options were Tampa, Florida, or Buffalo.
31:41
SPEAKER_00: And I mean, like, obviously, we're in Tampa, so like, how the fuck did we make this decision?
31:46
SPEAKER_00: Basically, I was like, you know what?
31:48
SPEAKER_00: I'm God, let it be easy.
31:49
SPEAKER_00: Because you know what's really easy?
31:51
SPEAKER_00: Moving home.
31:52
SPEAKER_00: That shit is so fucking easy.
31:53
SPEAKER_00: I could call my mom, I could call my friend, where am I gonna live?
31:56
SPEAKER_00: Find me an apartment, do this.
31:57
SPEAKER_00: It's cheaper, it's way fucking cheaper.
32:01
SPEAKER_00: But I was like, I don't want to move back like for the beginning of winter.
32:05
SPEAKER_00: I don't want that.
32:06
SPEAKER_00: And so I was like, I really want to be in Tampa for the holidays.
32:09
SPEAKER_00: I really do.
32:10
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, let it be easy because fucking Buffalo is easy, so Tampa better be easier.
32:14
SPEAKER_00: Well, I ended up finding a long-term apartment, messaged, message the guy.
32:18
SPEAKER_00: It's kind of like a long-term Airbnb.
32:20
SPEAKER_00: Message the guy, hey, I'm interested in this.
32:22
SPEAKER_00: He literally said, Yeah, sure, sounds good.
32:25
SPEAKER_00: We have availability until the end of January, everything aligned.
32:28
SPEAKER_00: It was super fucking easy.
32:30
SPEAKER_00: But before we did that, we were so up in the air about things that I would ask for signs and I would say, Okay, God, if we're meant to go to Buffalo right now, after Asheville, show me a blueberry.
32:43
SPEAKER_00: And if we're meant to go to Tampa, show me a strawberry.
32:46
SPEAKER_00: Okay, do that.
32:47
SPEAKER_00: I just I let it go.
32:48
SPEAKER_00: I do this all the time.
32:49
SPEAKER_00: Even like with investments in business.
32:51
SPEAKER_00: Like if I want to invest in a program, I'll be like, God, show me a butterfly if I'm meant to do this, or if not, show me uh something else.
32:58
SPEAKER_00: And I try to find things that are like equally as easy or equally as hard.
33:02
SPEAKER_00: I'm not gonna be like, show me a rock and then show me a papaya.
33:06
SPEAKER_00: Like it's just like it's not the same.
33:08
SPEAKER_00: So I try to be very well aware, but I kept seeing the fruit that was aligned with Tampa.
33:15
SPEAKER_00: And I did this three or four times, and then I would tell Andrew, I was he was like, Well, we're gonna move to Buffalo.
33:20
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, God's saying no, dude.
33:22
SPEAKER_00: God is literally saying Tampa.
33:24
SPEAKER_00: And so then that got him on a thing where it was like, when I was like, you know what, fuck it, we're moving to Buffalo, he'd be like, Well, God said we have to move to Tampa.
33:31
SPEAKER_00: So like we got to allow this to be easy.
33:33
SPEAKER_00: And so it just like takes the pressure off and reminds me that like I can't fuck this up, I can't make the wrong decision.
33:43
SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm being guided if I'm willing to listen, if I'm willing to allow it to be easy and just to go with the flow.
33:52
SPEAKER_00: So I feel like that's been really, really helpful for me is asking the universe for signs.
33:57
SPEAKER_01: I love that you've always done that.
33:59
SPEAKER_01: And I've um at first I also was rolling my eyes like Andrew, but it's just an exercise.
34:04
SPEAKER_01: I think what you're saying, Raya, I just had kind of an aha.
34:09
SPEAKER_01: Remembering that we are not alone is so powerful because I definitely can get into seasons of like, in my whole life, I've felt like, oh, I have to carry all this responsibility.
34:18
SPEAKER_01: I'm I'm in charge of me.
34:20
SPEAKER_01: I need to handle me, you know, I got me.
34:22
SPEAKER_01: And it's not just you ever.
34:25
SPEAKER_01: And so when you do stuff like that, you're reminding yourself, I'm in a co-creator relationship here with this life.
34:31
SPEAKER_01: It's not just me.
34:32
SPEAKER_01: There's something that I've interacted with personally my whole life.
34:36
SPEAKER_01: I know that it's a co-collaboration.
34:38
SPEAKER_01: And so when you ask for the strawberries, when you ask for guidance, again, you're humbling yourself to the bigger mystery, right?
34:45
SPEAKER_01: I'm not alone here.
34:46
SPEAKER_01: I'm not the one that's in control.
34:48
SPEAKER_01: Can my partner, whatever that is, kind of give me some feedback?
34:52
SPEAKER_01: And like that is joy.
34:54
SPEAKER_01: That is levity, that is play.
34:56
SPEAKER_01: And the I think it's remembering that you're not alone and remembering that this fear is just a thought that you can just let go of.
35:05
SPEAKER_01: You know, you have to be for me, I have to be very diligent about the narration that's going on in my head and being very proactive and choosing to go to those more positive places because I can definitely choose to go to those more negative places as well.
35:19
SPEAKER_01: And so um, I think I love what you're saying is just like when you're feeling caught up in the mundane, when you're feeling really stuck in the sauce, where are the little moments of play and joy and remembering this beautiful partnership that we have with the universe and trying to reconnect with that in whatever way?
35:39
SPEAKER_01: I know that we all connect in so many different ways.
35:41
SPEAKER_01: So this is like Ryanai using Ryanai's language, but that those little glimpses of lightness and joy and play and remembering I don't have to carry all this weight on my.
35:51
SPEAKER_01: If you guys have ever seen Labyrinth, there's that old lady that like walks around with like so much baggage on her.
35:58
SPEAKER_01: And I just had this visual of like remembering a speck of dust.
36:02
SPEAKER_01: I can just set that down.
36:03
SPEAKER_01: I God has got me, universe has got me.
36:06
SPEAKER_01: It's me telling myself I have to carry around this big ass backpack everywhere.
36:12
SPEAKER_00: Truly, and I feel like also like the synchronicities.
36:15
SPEAKER_00: What I've also noticed is that like how easy your ego attaches to things because I'll be like blueberries, buffalo, strawberries, tampa, and I'll find where I really want to go because I'm like, was that a strawberry?
36:27
SPEAKER_00: Is that a strawberry over there?
36:28
SPEAKER_00: Is that a strawberry?
36:29
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like trying to force myself to see which one I see first.
36:35
SPEAKER_00: And so it's always really interesting.
36:36
SPEAKER_00: And I feel like it just comes back to the coin flip, right?
36:39
SPEAKER_00: When somebody's like, oh, flip a coin, you'll really know what you want, which option you want when you're wishing for one of them when the coin is up in the air.
36:48
SPEAKER_00: And I feel like that's really interesting.
36:50
SPEAKER_00: The one time I was like, show me a banana or show me an orange.
36:54
SPEAKER_00: And then I was like watching TV, and somebody literally just said the word banana, like out loud.
36:59
SPEAKER_00: He's like, Oh, can you go and get me that banana?
37:02
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, Did they just say banana?
37:06
SPEAKER_00: And it's just so interesting, like how the human mind just like makes stories or like latches onto things.
37:13
SPEAKER_00: And then it's like, of course it does, because the ego is kind of used to looping, right?
37:19
SPEAKER_00: And I feel like what's another important thing that I wanted to bring into this, I've had this conversation with a few people, and I think it's important to bring in here.
37:29
SPEAKER_00: So up until now, like in time, we've been worried about physical safety.
37:35
SPEAKER_00: Like, we've been worried about like, are we do we have heat?
37:39
SPEAKER_00: Are we going to freeze in the winter?
37:41
SPEAKER_00: Do we have a roof over our head?
37:43
SPEAKER_00: And like those of us that are likely listening to this podcast, and like just from my experience right now, I'm not worried about my physical safety.
37:52
SPEAKER_00: And I'm very, very blessed to be in that situation.
37:56
SPEAKER_00: But if we think about like our ancestors, like not like centuries ago, they were worried about physical safety.
38:05
SPEAKER_00: They didn't have the space to be able to like regulate emotions because they were too worried and caught up in like, fuck, am I gonna have food?
38:15
SPEAKER_00: Am I gonna have shelter?
38:16
SPEAKER_00: And I feel like right now we are in this space where some of us feel very safe physically.
38:26
SPEAKER_00: And so now it's the next step of evolution.
38:28
SPEAKER_00: Now can we feel safe emotionally?
38:31
SPEAKER_00: Now can we feel safe mentally?
38:33
SPEAKER_00: And I think that the ego in the human mind is like taking a while to catch up.
38:38
SPEAKER_00: And I feel like all of us are like beating ourselves up about it.
38:40
SPEAKER_00: Like, why am I spiraling?
38:41
SPEAKER_00: Why am I doing this?
38:42
SPEAKER_00: Why am I getting stuck in the sauce?
38:43
SPEAKER_00: Why do I feel stuck here?
38:44
SPEAKER_00: And it's like, of course we are.
38:47
SPEAKER_00: This is a very important time in like the world and evolution and itself, like the bigger, bigger, bigger picture.
38:53
SPEAKER_00: We have never been in a situation that we know of to where it's like we're trying to balance the physical safety and then now add in the spiritual safety, the emotional safety, and the mental safety.
39:07
SPEAKER_00: So I feel like that's been helpful for me to be like it's not just me, it's not personal.
39:15
SPEAKER_00: This is a time in evolution.
39:17
SPEAKER_00: This is a time in like us being humans, being on this planet right now.
39:22
SPEAKER_00: All of us are going through this and trying to rebalance it.
39:26
SPEAKER_00: And then I also think I think I was talking to you about this, and you brought up that like people also, like our ancestors really relied on spiral spiritual connection like a lot back in the day because there was no answers.
39:39
SPEAKER_00: There was no internet.
39:41
SPEAKER_00: And I feel like that's a really cool perspective to bring in here, too.
39:46
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
39:47
SPEAKER_01: I I'm glad you brought that up because that's something that really has been a comfort to me is remembering um the physiology of all of this.
39:56
SPEAKER_01: You know, there's actually more going on in your body.
39:58
SPEAKER_01: It's not just you're caught in a negative thought spiral and it's your thoughts that are bad.
40:03
SPEAKER_01: Your body stores trauma.
40:05
SPEAKER_01: You know, our brains are wired to be worried about tigers coming to get us.
40:10
SPEAKER_01: Um, and so now in this comfortable time that we're living in, our brains have almost turned on ourselves a bit, right?
40:17
SPEAKER_01: Like there's no external threats coming.
40:19
SPEAKER_01: So now we go internal and look at those internal threats.
40:22
SPEAKER_01: And you're exactly right.
40:23
SPEAKER_01: You know, our ancestors were forced to live in a world with a lot of mystery.
40:27
SPEAKER_01: They did not think that they had everything figured out.
40:30
SPEAKER_01: And I would probably argue that today we still live in a world with a lot of mystery.
40:34
SPEAKER_01: Like, if y'all look up dark matter, there's way more dark matter out there than like physical matter we can see.
40:40
SPEAKER_01: And that's all invisible.
40:42
SPEAKER_01: So if you That's wild.
40:44
SPEAKER_01: It is wild.
40:45
SPEAKER_01: And if you talk to scientists like at the top level of their game, they will tell you like, the more I learn, the more I realize there's like infinite things we don't know.
40:53
SPEAKER_01: And so, like, I think we are in a weird place right now where we kind of feel like we have tech and we have all these answers and we can get online and find an answer to everything, but really we don't.
41:05
SPEAKER_01: And then our brains kind of think we do and have now turned on ourselves, right?
41:09
SPEAKER_01: And so I think like for me, my one thing I talk about with my current therapist a lot is just like, so here's what happens when your brain turns on itself, you can get in this place that we're talking about, and your body, for me at least, can get stuck in a fight or flight response.
41:23
SPEAKER_01: So I literally have noticed over the past several years, I've been in this constant state of emergency and I don't know how to get out of it.
41:31
SPEAKER_01: I don't know how to relax.
41:33
SPEAKER_01: And so reconnecting with like what's going on with my nervous system, what's going on with my nutrient levels, you know, when you're really activated all the time, your body just sucks all the nutrients right out of you.
41:43
SPEAKER_01: So of course you don't feel good, you know, and so like reconnecting to the physiology of all of it has been very empowering for me because I was really beating myself up.
41:52
SPEAKER_01: Why can't I think my way out of this?
41:54
SPEAKER_01: Why can't I?
41:55
SPEAKER_01: I'm doing all the things, right?
41:56
SPEAKER_01: But I kind of realized there was a whole physical piece going on.
42:00
SPEAKER_01: And to your point, I think what's cool about remembering that we don't know everything and we actually know nothing is it it requires us to get out of ego.
42:10
SPEAKER_01: You know, what I'm realizing in all of this is like when I get in these really low spaces, I am in a very like, what do I want?
42:18
SPEAKER_01: And what do I want to accomplish with my life?
42:21
SPEAKER_01: And really, that's not the question.
42:23
SPEAKER_01: We're channels, right?
42:24
SPEAKER_01: We're this awesome mystery force that we've been kind of talking about, difficult to describe, but we've all felt before.
42:31
SPEAKER_01: We're really meant to be channels for that.
42:33
SPEAKER_01: And I've been kind of watching some like high performers and like listening to how they talk about what their work.
42:38
SPEAKER_01: And what they're saying is like every morning I wake up and I connect with God or spirit, and I ask them, what do you want me to bring through today?
42:46
SPEAKER_01: Like, if I think about my body and my life as just a vessel to bring things through, like that all of a sudden, it's not about me.
42:54
SPEAKER_01: Like it's my ego thinking that it's about me and my goals and everything I want.
42:58
SPEAKER_01: That's not it.
42:59
SPEAKER_01: I'm just a vessel every single day for this like lovely force to flow through.
43:04
SPEAKER_01: And that is peace of mind.
43:06
SPEAKER_01: That's freeing.
43:07
SPEAKER_01: That I don't have to worry about the future.
43:09
SPEAKER_01: All I have to do every day is like show up, connect with spirit, and then trust that I'm out of control and things are gonna work out the way that they did.
43:16
SPEAKER_01: And so, long story short, I think our ancestors were like a little bit easier.
43:20
SPEAKER_01: They had that connection because they were so humbled by like the fucking sky and you know, yeah, natural disasters.
43:28
SPEAKER_01: They had no fucking clue.
43:30
SPEAKER_01: So I think it was very easy for them to be like, we have no fucking clue.
43:33
SPEAKER_01: And so we can connect to something greater.
43:34
SPEAKER_01: Whereas like in our modern society, I think we have this false sense of like we know everything, our egos, our goals, what we're here to accomplish.
43:44
SPEAKER_01: And that can make the separation feel wider and like harder to tap into.
43:50
SPEAKER_00: And like really intense, which is why I think this is another thing that I wanted to bring up that's always been really helpful, but I didn't realize how helpful it.
44:00
SPEAKER_00: Was until I got into business, honestly, and like started creating a friendship with you because it's like you were the first like friend that I've been really close with and could feel just like myself and like show up and just like share like what I'm thinking, what I'm going through, and kind of just like hold space for you and you hold space for me.
44:23
SPEAKER_00: And that hasn't always been easy in my life, and just like with my my in real life friends and like people that I went to high school with, like I never really had that relationship.
44:35
SPEAKER_00: And I've done a lot of like work in order to get to a place where I can expand the capacity to hold my own emotions and hold myself and therefore hold space for others because they are connected.
44:45
SPEAKER_00: If you can't hold like space and capacity for yourself, it's basically impossible to be able to hold like space for other people.
44:53
SPEAKER_00: But I think that getting friends' perspectives and getting support when you're feeling stuck, because we do think that we have to do it alone.
45:05
SPEAKER_00: And what's been helpful, and I've been I said this like years ago, but it's like we're all walking around in our own version of reality.
45:14
SPEAKER_00: We don't see like we're all in our head, we're all walking around in our head.
45:19
SPEAKER_00: I don't see things like you see them.
45:22
SPEAKER_00: And so being able to have a space where you can verbalize what is what are the stories happening in your head so that somebody else can hold space.
45:32
SPEAKER_00: And you do have to be careful about who you're sharing this with and who you're verbalizing to rationalize with, because some people will try to fix it, some people can hold space, and sometimes it depends on what you need.
45:43
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you do want somebody to help you fix it, sometimes you just want somebody to hold space.
45:48
SPEAKER_00: So I think being honest about what you're looking for is really helpful too.
45:52
SPEAKER_00: But I think just being able to have conversations with people and be like, yo, I'm fucking stuck.
46:00
SPEAKER_00: Literally, we will vox or message each other or hop on one of our weekly coffee chats with each other and be like, I'm fucking stalking the sauce right now.
46:07
SPEAKER_00: I'm spiraling about this.
46:09
SPEAKER_00: And it's like, okay, well, we we have an agenda for the podcast that we want to get done today.
46:13
SPEAKER_00: But what we have done numerous times is pushed that agenda off and allowed ourselves just to hold space for each other because like holding space is just so much more important than like checking something off of our list.
46:26
SPEAKER_00: And that's something that I truly value with our relationship.
46:30
SPEAKER_00: And it's just it's really nice to get somebody else's perspective on what you're going through because, like you said, our ego is trying to make it a mean problem.
46:37
SPEAKER_00: I need to solve this, I need to do this, I'm trying to do this, I'm trying to do that.
46:41
SPEAKER_00: And sometimes we can't see the very narrow perspective that we put ourselves in.
46:47
SPEAKER_00: So I think having friends and building some kind of support system, even if it's only one person, you don't need 17 people like this.
46:55
SPEAKER_00: You literally just need one person that is a safe space.
47:01
SPEAKER_00: And it's just so supportive to help you get out of the mundane too, because it's like we can hold space.
47:07
SPEAKER_00: And I could be like, yo, if you want to bitch about like your fridge, we can hold space.
47:11
SPEAKER_00: But I'm also the friend that's gonna be like, you've been bitching for 10 minutes.
47:15
SPEAKER_00: Are we done?
47:16
SPEAKER_00: Like, do we want to move out of it?
47:17
SPEAKER_00: Like, do you want it to continue to suck you down?
47:20
SPEAKER_00: Or like, can we make a joke about it?
47:21
SPEAKER_00: Or like, can we move past it, or like, can we shift perspectives here?
47:25
SPEAKER_00: And that can only come from a person that you trust.
47:28
SPEAKER_00: Because if I was to bitch about something, like, I don't know, the Wi-Fi connection or something, to bitch about, to bitch about the Wi-Fi connection with somebody else that didn't know how to help me flip perspectives, we could end up getting in a venting rabbit hole that's three hours long and I'm still bitching about the Wi-Fi, didn't shift my perspective.
47:50
SPEAKER_00: Now I'm in a deeper hole.
47:51
SPEAKER_00: Now I'm even more stuck, stuck in the mundane and stuck in my problem.
47:54
SPEAKER_00: Where it's like if you can have that space where somebody can allow you to vent and then call you out on it or shift perspectives, that's the fucking juice right there.
48:04
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah, you're right about that.
48:06
SPEAKER_01: Um, I have a very real story to share about this that happened recently.
48:12
SPEAKER_01: Um, and you've always been a person that I can, I love what you said, be myself with.
48:18
SPEAKER_01: What a valuable thing that is in this life to feel like you can show up on masks.
48:22
SPEAKER_01: Um, but I very much, you know, if I were to tell you the last few years of my life, I I actually struggle.
48:32
SPEAKER_01: Um, if I'm going through a hard time to even bring it up with my closest friends who I can be unmasked, because the story that plays in my head is, oh, this is too heavy.
48:41
SPEAKER_01: I don't want to dump this on her.
48:43
SPEAKER_01: I've been down, I don't want to keep dragging her down.
48:46
SPEAKER_01: So it requires a level of vulnerability that is difficult for me to like show up and speak honestly about the stories that are going on.
48:53
SPEAKER_01: Because it's like I know that the stories going on up there are pretty brutal and I don't want to say it out loud.
48:58
SPEAKER_01: And that's a good sign that like you got to get it out.
49:01
SPEAKER_01: You got to say it to somebody else.
49:02
SPEAKER_01: And so very recently, I um just the past few years of my life, I there's been a lot of no's about things I wanted.
49:10
SPEAKER_01: I felt like a big season of no's or you can't have this, and and the things I love getting taken away.
49:16
SPEAKER_01: And I was on a hike with my friend uh this past couple weeks, and I was like, Oh, I'm just so down.
49:22
SPEAKER_01: It's been years and years of like, no, no, no, no.
49:25
SPEAKER_01: And let me tell you all these examples.
49:27
SPEAKER_01: And and she just very lovingly said to me, like, Shay, I hear you, and I could see why it feels like that, but let me tell you all the yeses you've had in there as well.
49:37
SPEAKER_01: And she kind of went back through, played the tape back.
49:40
SPEAKER_01: What else had happened?
49:42
SPEAKER_01: And all those no's led to really great things.
49:46
SPEAKER_01: And so just hearing her perspective to like be outside my jar and say, hey, it sounds like you've got a pretty mean story plan in there.
49:54
SPEAKER_01: Let's think about some other ways we could tell this.
49:57
SPEAKER_01: That was such a big shift for me.
49:59
SPEAKER_01: I was like, oh, I'm really letting myself get carried away with these stories.
50:04
SPEAKER_01: And so I you're exactly right.
50:07
SPEAKER_01: Just even if it feels very hard to say what's going on in your head, it is very powerful to just get it out and air it out and get some fresh air on it.
50:16
SPEAKER_01: Even if it's just with yourself at first, if you're writing it out, that's powerful.
50:21
SPEAKER_00: I was gonna say that, because like reading it back and being like, like in your head, if the story is like, I'm a piece of shit, and then you write that out and you're like, whoa, that feels very intense to read.
50:32
SPEAKER_00: Oh, God.
50:33
SPEAKER_01: I live with a bully.
50:34
SPEAKER_01: That was my biggest realization.
50:36
SPEAKER_01: Like, I live with this bully.
50:37
SPEAKER_01: There's a piece of me that's been bullying myself for years.
50:40
SPEAKER_01: And so, like getting that out, and it was hard for me to express and get it out.
50:44
SPEAKER_01: But now the more I've got it out and got it in front of people who love me, it's like, oh, and I know that we hear this advice all the time, but for me, it's like easier said than done.
50:54
SPEAKER_01: They say, Oh, you know, think about yourself in a chair.
50:58
SPEAKER_01: How would you speak to like a friend or how would you speak to a child?
51:02
SPEAKER_01: You know, like can you separate from your problems and speak to yourself with love?
51:06
SPEAKER_01: That I get that, I get that that's the magic, but it's difficult for me to tap into by myself.
51:11
SPEAKER_01: So that's in my head.
51:12
SPEAKER_00: I'm just like, I'm like, it's not a friend, and it's not a child, and it's this asshole roommate that's in my fucking brain all the time, and I want to pummel him.
51:22
SPEAKER_01: Yep, 100%.
51:24
SPEAKER_01: Um, yeah, so I agree.
51:26
SPEAKER_01: I think you're so right about that.
51:27
SPEAKER_01: Um it can be very isolating to get into these places, and you can you can feel like a burden and you don't want to put that on your people.
51:35
SPEAKER_01: But for me, I've noticed when I'm in these low spots, what I resist the most is often what I need the most.
51:43
SPEAKER_01: So a very powerful question I've asked is what am I resisting right now?
51:47
SPEAKER_01: And I'll tell you, I'll resist getting on a call with you and being honest.
51:50
SPEAKER_01: I'll resist waking up and moving my body, I'll resist the writing and the dance.
51:56
SPEAKER_01: You know, it's like all of these things I know bring me immense joy and healing.
52:00
SPEAKER_01: I will, oh, I can't do that today.
52:02
SPEAKER_01: I'm in my mood.
52:03
SPEAKER_01: I can't do that today, you know, like I can't do it.
52:05
SPEAKER_01: And it's funny, I have I've been asking myself, like, why lately?
52:09
SPEAKER_01: Like, you know, these things are your little glimpses of getting connected and feeling better.
52:14
SPEAKER_01: Why are they in the moment feeling like the biggest obstacle?
52:18
SPEAKER_01: I can't do this, I don't want to do this.
52:21
SPEAKER_01: And it's just lizard brain again playing tricks on us, right?
52:24
SPEAKER_01: But I just want to honor that, like, all of this stuff sounds so easy, but it in in the moment, it's real and it's heavy and it's tough.
52:32
SPEAKER_01: And know that you're not alone.
52:34
SPEAKER_00: I think that you the ego wants to create an identity out of it because then it's something that it can grasp on to.
52:40
SPEAKER_00: And so it's like, I'm the person that gets fucking annoyed when my coffee isn't strong enough.
52:45
SPEAKER_00: And so that's like the trigger point that it's like every time my coffee's not strong enough, like I'm the person that gets annoyed and it becomes an identity thing.
52:51
SPEAKER_00: It's easier for the ego to grasp onto.
52:54
SPEAKER_00: But we're gonna have to get ready to close this episode down.
52:57
SPEAKER_00: I do just want to recap really quick.
52:59
SPEAKER_00: If we can just spit fire, like if somebody is trying to tap back into the magic after getting stuck, let's just word vomit real quick.
53:08
SPEAKER_00: What are some things that we find helpful?
53:11
SPEAKER_00: Because I feel like we've went in all different directions in this conversation, stories and examples, and just like we do this and we do this and we do this.
53:17
SPEAKER_00: But if we can tie them all together, I would say one of the first things is the awareness, being aware that you're possibly looping, being aware that you're stuck, being aware that you're in the sauce, being aware that maybe you don't feel the way that you want to feel, or something like that.
53:34
SPEAKER_00: Awareness is key.
53:36
SPEAKER_00: Coming back to the breath, just coming, like feeling the breath move in your body.
53:43
SPEAKER_00: We didn't get into this, but tapping, and I always thought tapping was bullshit.
53:47
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
53:48
SPEAKER_00: I am the person that thought tapping was bullshit.
53:50
SPEAKER_00: I was like, this is baloney, this is bullshit.
53:55
SPEAKER_00: But intuitively, I started doing it lately.
53:59
SPEAKER_00: Like when I was like looping and I started tapping, and I was like, it's not the tapping that's specifically the magic, it's the touching my body that allows me to come back into my body.
54:09
SPEAKER_00: And I feel like that's how I was able to see the magic of the breath.
54:12
SPEAKER_00: It's like it's not actually about doing the thing, it's about just coming into the body.
54:16
SPEAKER_00: So uh tapping has been really helpful, remembering a wider perspective in terms of like, we're just a little speck of dust here.
54:26
SPEAKER_00: Having a conversation with a friend and verbalizing to rationalize and just getting all of those thoughts that are spiraling, getting them out.
54:34
SPEAKER_00: And then when my mentor Kim were like, hey, you're not connecting with things spiritually, the very first thing that I did is made a point and a promise to myself that I would meditate every day, even if it was just for 20 minutes, that alone helped shift a lot of things for me.
54:50
SPEAKER_00: So I would say those are my top, my top ones.
54:53
SPEAKER_01: That's so good.
54:54
SPEAKER_01: Um, for me, absolutely, nervous system regulation, somatics, getting back in my body.
55:01
SPEAKER_01: I'm a smart girl that's lived my whole head, my whole life in my brain.
55:04
SPEAKER_01: And so I love the tapping thing.
55:06
SPEAKER_01: I agree.
55:07
SPEAKER_01: I was always like, what?
55:08
SPEAKER_01: But there's some power in just like reconnecting with your body.
55:11
SPEAKER_01: And there's a lot of exercises.
55:13
SPEAKER_01: I like that trauma relief exercise that have been developed for people going through PTSD.
55:19
SPEAKER_01: I think a lot of us walk around our whole lives with a whole bunch of stored trauma that we just have no idea what to do with.
55:24
SPEAKER_01: Unfortunately, we're living in a wonderful age where people are studying this.
55:28
SPEAKER_01: There's all kinds of really cool therapies, both physical and mental, you can do to kind of work out some of that trauma.
55:34
SPEAKER_01: But um, being gentle with yourself and just knowing that we all have it has been really helpful.
55:39
SPEAKER_01: Um, for me, I'm trying to think about the way that I have really thought about this.
55:46
SPEAKER_01: Um, I know I've mentioned this on a previous episode, but there's this idea, and there's that stutz documentary.
55:51
SPEAKER_01: He's a therapist, it's on Netflix, and he talks about this idea of like your life force as a pyramid.
55:56
SPEAKER_01: And the bottom level in the pyramid is your physical health, then it's relationship health, then it's spiritual health.
56:03
SPEAKER_01: And so he says when he meets with somebody and they're low, he always starts at the bottom, the foundation, what's your physical health?
56:09
SPEAKER_01: And for me, I will get in when I get low, I will detach from physical health.
56:13
SPEAKER_01: And so oftentimes it starts with multivitamins, movement, water, eating.
56:19
SPEAKER_01: And it sounds so basic, but all of a sudden, when I'm doing those things, I'm feeling better.
56:23
SPEAKER_01: I have more capacity, then I can move up to relationships.
56:26
SPEAKER_01: Am I letting myself be vulnerable with friends?
56:28
SPEAKER_01: Am I making space for nurturing those relationships?
56:31
SPEAKER_01: And then when I'm doing those things, I'm feeling better.
56:33
SPEAKER_01: And then all of a sudden I can get up to spirituality.
56:36
SPEAKER_01: Like we talk about am I making space for stillness?
56:38
SPEAKER_01: Am I allowing myself to tap into life's bigger mysteries and curiosities and all the fun things, you know, and making sure that I'm intentionally making space?
56:47
SPEAKER_01: Because oftentimes that top part of the pyramid for me at least gets thrown out first when things get busy and stressful.
56:53
SPEAKER_01: So it's almost like coming back to basics.
56:55
SPEAKER_01: It sounds so dumb.
56:57
SPEAKER_01: So basic stuff you've been hearing since kindergarten, but like, how am I nourishing my body?
57:01
SPEAKER_01: How am I nourishing my relationships?
57:03
SPEAKER_01: How am I nourishing my spirit?
57:05
SPEAKER_01: Start there, get little glimpses, little sips, and you'll get addicted and you'll want a little more sips, right?
57:11
SPEAKER_01: But it just has to start with like those basics.
57:14
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I love that.
57:15
SPEAKER_00: And I love like the framework, the visual, all of that.
57:18
SPEAKER_00: And then following symbols, asking for signs from the universe, definitely do that.
57:23
SPEAKER_00: That can also help you connect a little bit more in just the perspective of like things are different than how I'm seeing them right now, and allowing yourself to co-create with something greater.
57:36
SPEAKER_00: That's a really good way.
57:37
SPEAKER_00: And then asking better questions.
57:39
SPEAKER_00: Am I adding extra pressure where it doesn't need to be?
57:43
SPEAKER_01: So just bringing curiosity in.
57:46
SPEAKER_00: Bringing curiosity and then tapping into like some mantras that are helpful.
57:50
SPEAKER_00: And some mantras aren't gonna be helpful at certain times, but like my God, just let it be easy.
57:55
SPEAKER_00: That's been that's been the juice.
57:57
SPEAKER_00: So I think that we could talk about this this shit for another hour and a half and just like examples and stories, but we're gonna close this episode down.
58:07
SPEAKER_00: We hope that this was helpful for you guys.
58:09
SPEAKER_00: If you found this helpful, screenshot the episode, share it on Instagram, slide into the DMs.
58:14
SPEAKER_00: I've been getting on the one that kind of uh is logged into Instagram all the time.
58:18
SPEAKER_00: So when you guys are DMing, you're usually DMing me.
58:21
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58:24
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58:34
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58:36
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58:40
SPEAKER_00: If you have an idea for an episode, we're always fucking game for it.
58:44
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58:48
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58:53
SPEAKER_00: We'll see you in the next episode.
58:56
SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for tuning in and listening to this episode of the Curiously Guided Podcast.
59:03
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59:05
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59:10
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59:23
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59:31
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59:37
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59:40
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59:44
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