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Would You Rather Die than Give a Speech? #8 · How To Talk To Humans

• 0:03
  Larry Wilson: Hi, this is Larry Wilson and this is how to talk to humans. This is the podcast that shows you how to improve your communication skills. Are you looking to get a better job?
• 0:15
  Larry Wilson: Are you looking to find a relationship? Are you trying to do things in your life that have frustrated you and eluded you so far, I can show you so easily how to change that. Now, I can only do it with humans. If you're looking to deal with vampires or zombies, extraterrestrials, this is not the show for you. But if you're really looking to improve your communication skills, I can show you what I've learned from 40 years in show business, working with the biggest celebrities and superstars in the world. And their secrets are unbelievable.
• 0:54
  Larry Wilson: What I'm going to be teaching you during this course of this podcast every week, are tools that you can use to communicate toward success. It is surprising to learn that the number one fear of most people is not death, you would think that would be number one, wouldn't you? That's what I always thought, No. The number one fear is public speaking, death is number two. If you think about it, it means that they would rather die than have to get up and speak in front of a group of people. That's hard to believe.
• 1:44
  Larry Wilson: But it turns up again, and again and again, in surveys, that this is the truth. There's nothing for most people more frightening than to have to speak in front of a group. Now a group could be three people. There was a young woman who trained with me in one of my Two Day boot camps. And on the second day, another group that was meeting that had about 80 people in it, asked if I would bring some of my people to meet them and be introduced. And the person who's setting it up, had them up there and asked them each to say a little bit about what they got from Wilson method. And this woman who was referring, she got him she said well, she said, before I took this training, if I had to speak in front of three people, my palms would be sweating. I'd be shaking, I'd be stirred them with over but beware the email that I've been, you know, unable to speak. She said, we've only done the first day of the two day training. She said, But I'm up here in front of 80 people should do I seem nervous. And you can see every head in the place shaking, they're going.
• 3:11
  Larry Wilson: She said, I can do this easily.
• 3:15
  Larry Wilson: Now. This is not a problem at all. And, of course, anyone can do that. Now, what she got in the first day of intensive, two day bootcamp is more than we can actually do in a podcast here.
• 3:35
  Larry Wilson: But a lot of the principles you can still use. The first question, of course, is why it's so terrifying. Well, because we're afraid of being judged.
• 3:44
  Larry Wilson: We're afraid. People are thinking, Who does he think he is? To get up and talk to us? Or we're thinking who she thinks she is wearing those pants, or whatever it is that we're insecure about. That's what we're worried we're worried about being judged. But I'll tell you what I told my son before he started preschool. He was nervous. He said to me, how do you make friends? And I said, Oh, it's easy. I said, Ask them about themselves. Ask them what they like to eat, what shows they like to watch on TV and stuff. And he came home after the first day said I made a friend letter was fantastic. And of course he's done particularly well after that. He's done pretty good and the friends department in the same way. We with public speaking. We're worried about what they're going to think about us. But the secret to keep in mind and this is is a powerful secret. I'm giving it away here, it's my pleasure. Everyone else is more worried about what you think about them. They don't have time to be worried thinking about you, and criticizing you, they're worried that the person on stage is looking at you going, who cut your hair, pet store owner, how did that, you know, there are many young men line actually, that just popped out there. They're truthfully not judging you at all. If anything, they feel a kinship with you. Because they know how horrible it would be if they were in your position. When you get up to speak in front of a group. Now, if you if you seem unsure, if you seem a frightened, and you know, incapable of putting a thought together, you may feel a resistance from the audience.
• 6:09
  Larry Wilson: But it's because they are squirming thinking that's what I would do. The fact of the matter is, when you get up to speak in front of a group, and this has always been my experience, personally, as well as seeing the people who I think are good speakers, that the audience starts on your side. They want you to do well. This may be the the first thing I think that this woman I referenced earlier in the podcast you got in front of 80 people realizing that the audience identifies with you.
• 6:53
  Larry Wilson: And they think how brave you must be to get up and speak in front of the group. Of course, once you realize that you realize you don't have to be that brave. They're not going to hurt you. Though, what's the worst that could happen? And someone once said to me, Well, I could say the wrong word or embarrass myself, well, here's some great news. No one has ever died of embarrassment. You may feel that way sometimes. But there are no recorded instances of death by embarrassment. So So what the fact I think is that you won't embarrass yourself, if you let them feel your authentic connection. When you get up in front of a group, they already feel like you're making a huge effort. And that's terrifying the idea to them, that you would get up in front of a group. And they wouldn't do it for a million dollar. Li, let them see, you make eye contact. You think of something pleasant before you've hit the stage. So that your face is relaxed, and maybe even smiling. And you speak openly and genuinely about whatever the topic is, you may feel if you use the wrong word.
• 8:33
  Larry Wilson: If I'm trying to think of a good example, and none is coming to mind, but if Well, if you were to use the wrong word, if it were me, I would laugh and say, you know, that's not the right word. I meant to say such and such, if you do that, the audience will love you. Because we all use the wrong word some time. And the fact that you didn't try to hide it, or gloss it over. I've heard people in my audience, sometimes at some point something I'm saying someone will sneeze very loudly.
• 9:20
  Larry Wilson: instead of ignoring it, I'll say bless you. And usually people laugh when I do that. But partly they're laughing from a release of tension. Because you're thinking, oh my god, that person sees right and they have great empathy with you up there.
• 9:38
  Larry Wilson: They're thinking how hard it is for you. You have the whole battle won before you've done anything. If you have something important to communicate, I'll tell you. I was good friends with Academy Award winning actor Karl Malden and At one time, I just said to him, I'd seen another film of his and I couldn't take any more just said, What are you doing when you're up there on screen?
• 10:07
  Larry Wilson: And he said, What do you mean? I said, I've seen you in so many different roles that are always different, but they're always great. But you don't seem to be doing anything. I said, I can't, I can't see what you're doing.
• 10:27
  Larry Wilson: And I said, How are you able to do that? How are you able to deliver that kind of performance? And he said, Oh, that's easy. And I was like, Oh, really? He said, Yeah. He said, The secret is, you have to learn the material so well, that you can forget about it. And concentrate on performing. Now that sounds like simple advice.
• 10:53
  Larry Wilson: Everything I teach in Wilson method is simple. This is especially pertinent to public speaking. I've told you before about the three Ds to determine your goal before speaking to find the means of transmission, and then deploy these Wilson method tools. You do not want to come out on stage and try to wing it. You may think you've seen somebody, usually it would be a comedian, I would guess, who seems to come out and just wing it and kill. They are winging it. All these people will muddle. That's not fair.
• 11:43
  Larry Wilson: But a good many of them who seem to be just flying from this either means no, this is material that's been worked out.
• 11:53
  Larry Wilson: That's been prepared, been rehearsed, been honed been refined, you want to know what you're going to say so well, that you don't have to think about it. As Carl was telling me, he said, You want to be able to come out of a dead sleep, and someone throws you a cue line and you know exactly where you are. It's something that doesn't require any thought. Because that thought process is what makes us self conscious. It's what makes us second guess ourselves. It's what makes us edit ourselves. If you're able to simply stand in front of them. Now, you may say, Well, I can't do that. If I'm giving year end or quarterly revenue projections. Yes, of course, you can do that. You're still a human being. And human beings will always triumph over the artificial. I'm sure that some of you listen to this are rooting for AI to wipe us out and become our galactic overlords? I'll take that bet. I don't think AI will. I'm sure it'll be great. And I'm sure it'll do all these kinds of fantastic things. But actual human interaction cannot be replaced by technology. It can be simulated, you can have a copy that seems very close. And maybe to an unsophisticated listener or viewer. It seems like oh, yeah, that's the same thing. It is not. I've had people come to live performances of mine. I'm, in addition to the other things I do, I'm the executive director of a nonprofit. And we put on a yearly performance to encourage a literacy in school kids and encourage them to visit public libraries. And at this performance, I've had parents come up to me afterwards, every year, say, I've never seen my kid put down their phone or their tablet or their iPad, whatever it is. And I said, Well, that's because they've never seen live entertainment.
• 14:25
  Larry Wilson: And they say, oh, no, no, they've seen it, like on their computer. And typically it's not the same. It's not the same.
• 14:30
  Larry Wilson: That sing live interaction with humans. They can feel the energy. It's totally different.
• 14:46
  Larry Wilson: When you get up as a public speaker, maybe you're talking about the driest, most mundane subject, maybe it's for your company. Now, there I should say in fairness, there are some simple techniques that you can use to make the most dry, mundane things more amusing, more entertaining, we don't really have time to go into those here. But they're part of Wilson method. They're just mechanical. They're like anything else. They're just technique that you can apply.
• 15:20
  Larry Wilson: And if you had a very dry topic, very easy to live in that up.
• 15:25
  Larry Wilson: But even if you don't apply that technique, just being human, being authentic, your authentic self, when you're speaking, will win over the vast majority of audiences. I've seen it again and again and again. Because they empathize with you. And they'd be terrified to do it. So when you do it, I'm struggling to remember a woman's name and unfortunate I feel bad that I can't remember. a stand up comic I worked with years ago, maybe maybe 20 years ago. She was so nice. She was so funny. And she had a terrible stutter, just like you think was a joke, except it clearly was not a joke. She had it just talking to you off stage, she had it talking to the audience on stage. The audience adored her so much, because they realize right away, this is not a joke.
• 16:39
  Larry Wilson: It's not stick she's doing. She has a speech impediment. But she was brave enough to get up and try to bring her message and in her message was to entertain us to tell us some jokes. Her jokes were not about her having a stutter. It was the most incredible performance I've ever seen. He was incredible. And I feel bad that I can't remember her name, I'm gonna go look it up and see if I can find her.
• 17:12
  Larry Wilson: And the fact that she was such a lovely person. But that's to me, that's one of those experiences, where I realized you don't have to have the cleverest material, or a flashy suit, or a wild musical play on that. None of that. That's all just trimmings, you don't need that stuff. You need to let them see who you really are, and communicate as a human being. And you can speak to three people, or 3000 and hold them absolutely spellbound.
• 17:59
  Larry Wilson: This has been Larry Wilson, I want to thank you for spending this time with me. And I hope you found this information useful. If you're looking for more, you can find it at the Wilson method.com. There's a ton of stuff there. In fact, if you want you can even speak to me because I'm human. Send me an email at info at Wilson method.com Because I read every single one. I hope that you will join us next week in this continuing journey. And you'll be with me for the next episode of how to talk to you