Latest / One Voice Many Conversations / Crushing Strongholds #25-Guest Speaker Trish Vanover, Shares Her Testimony on Forgiveness..

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Crushing Strongholds #25-Guest Speaker Trish Vanover, Shares Her Testimony on Forgiveness.. · One Voice Many Conversations

• 0:02
  SPEAKER_01: Hello everyone.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome back to another episode of Crushing Strongholds.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_01: This is a podcast where we turn pain into power, trauma into triumph, and a place where we get to focus on being a better version of ourselves.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_01: It's also a place where we get to expose lives of the enemy.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_01: And how do we do that?
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_01: We do that by equipping believers, by teaching the faith and the grace and the truth and the love of Jesus Christ.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_01: That's what this podcast is about.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_01: We want to crush strongholds.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_01: And today I have an amazing guest with me.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_01: She's actually a very special person in my life.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_01: She's been a friend, I think I want to say about 10 years, at least 10 years now.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_01: And um we've gone through a lot together, shared a lot of love and a lot of scripture and a lot of the joy of the Lord together.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_01: And I cannot wait for her to come on and share her testimony with you.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_01: She is a mother, she's a Christian, and she's actually a mother of many, like myself.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_01: So I'll let her explain that.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_01: And um, she's married, and she's a beautiful, wonderful person, and I want to introduce you today to Trisha Vanover.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_01: So thank you for coming and joining us today.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_01: Hi, okay.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_01: Do you want to share a couple things about yourself with our listeners today?
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so um uh yeah, everything she said, um, I've had uh over 40 foster kids.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: Uh I have given two birth two birth I have two children, boys.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: Um they're in their 30s and uh doing well in life.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: Um then uh I've been married.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: Oh goodness.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: I'm having a uh 31 years, but together 34 years.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: So I've had a I've had a lot of uh trauma growing up.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: Um so it started, you know, I'm I've always been the kind of kid who just loved playing and um capturing bugs and flowers and you know, just like giving them to everybody, you know, my teachers, my mom, you know, whoever wanted a flower, I'd pick it.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: And one time I picked um some pretty little white flowers, and my mom was devastated because they were her strawberry patch.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: I know because she had a little garden, and I thought they were just these pretty little white flowers, and she said, Oh no, my strawberries, you know, and I was like, Oh, and you know, it's like I always felt like I couldn't do anything right because you know, there was always something like that, you know, that I did, you know, as a kid.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: But um, you know, I just wanted to please my parents.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: Um I had really good grandmothers, they were all really good, and um one grandmother had a good hand in raising me.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it was something about her eyes and the light inside of her that I wanted to do good things, and I never I never got in trouble really with her.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: I I only got the switch once um because I was involved in something that everybody was doing, and um, but it was really um, I think it was my sister was the instigator, but anyway, I can't really remember that whole thing.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: But um, yeah, and then I had a great grandmother who always had her Bible and she always prayed.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: And um what I think about is you know, a lot of times when we pray for things and we don't see it happen right away, and we see everybody else getting blessed, and they get all these prayers answered, like, you know, and you're like, no, what about me, you know?
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: And um, so my grandmother, she never really seen any of us follow Christ, right?
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: And she was the biggest Christ follower I know.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: And then my other grandmother, the one who raised me, like had a good hand at raising me, she followed Christ too.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: She knew God with inside of her, right?
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: So um she would always tell us, you know, you better do this, you know, and pray, and you know, so she she had um a good way of saying things that were in the Bible, like you could do anything, you set your mind to it.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: You know, she would remember things, I guess, when she was a kid from the Bible, and now that I'm in the word, I know that that she knew the word and it was coming out of her.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: So that's pretty cool.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: But my trauma was pretty great.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: Um, my dad, you know, he he drank a lot, and um, it wasn't really until um he had the third daughter.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: So my parents had a boy before me, and the baby died, and he was two weeks old when he passed away.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: It was of SIDS, and um then I come along and it's like, oh great, you know, and then it was girl after girl after girl.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember every time he got a girl, it and when he got the third girl, it just seemed like he was disappointed, you know, and his drinking got greater.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: So he drank a lot from that time until I was 16.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: And then my brother was kind of an accident, he comes along.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: So I have two sisters and I have a brother.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, so I you know, not to really go into the too much of the detail of the the stuff that had happened, but um, you know, I remember, and even my mother, you know, there was a lot of trauma with her, and I don't know how much I should share about that exactly.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: What do you think, Mickey?
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: Should I share a little more details on that?
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_01: Or um, this is like I said, this is a podcast where you can't expose the root unless you show the root.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_01: So if I just wonder if you feel comfortable, but if you you know it's I want you to be at your comfort level in sharing, but I think that um there's people that may need to hear what you have to say that I think it might help them, but I want it to be at your comfort level.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: So my my father, when he would get angry, he would have to like throw things and break them.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: And um he uh one night he tore everything.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: This is I'll just say that the main night he tore everything up, he was mad, he was uh, you know, throwing everything over all over the house, and I could I remember hearing glass just shatter against the walls.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm you know a hider, so I'd hide under my blanket, then I'd hide under my bed.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: I just kept hiding in my room.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I'd go to the closet and I'd be like, where can I hide?
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: Where can I hide?
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: And then um I kept thinking, is he gonna come in here?
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: You know, and but he there was a there was an argument.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: My uncle was there, he threw him out.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: Then he my mom went outside, and then the tree was blocking the door, and he accidentally set the house on fire.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember smoke coming through my my door, and I start screaming, and um then I come out and I see an officer beating up my dad, and I jump on his back, and I was trying to get the officer off my dad.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: Leave my dad alone, you know, that kind of thing.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: And then um, when they had him in the cop car, he was I remember going to the window and saying, Dad, dad, dad.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: And he just looked at me like with the sweet eyes, and he just kind of put his head like that, you know, because he saw me, you know.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: And I I believe that's one time where my dad really just looked at me and was like, I'm sorry.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: It was kind of like a sorry look, you know.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: And then um, we didn't see him for a while.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, we had no Christmas that morning.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: We we we had to clean the house.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: There was blacks, there was a molasses all over the place, sticky stuff, glass, you know, and I was the oldest, so I was, you know, bearing most of it with my mother.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: And um, I remember even at three years old, uh, we went to my my dad's mother's house, my grandmother, and she was more high to me, she looked high class, you know.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: She was a queen, you know, she had a castle, she had this big house.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: And um, I remember my mom and and my dad got into an argument and we stayed in the car, and while my dad had Thanksgiving, you know, and it was just like little things like that.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember taking on my mom's feelings and feeling like I wanted to protect her.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you know, she was my mom, and I wanted to be with my mother, you know, and I favored her at that point.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: Um, there's another scene at three years old where I had an allergic reaction to penicillin, and my mom had covered my nose and my mouth, and I inhaled it and went into anaphylactic shock and almost died.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: And um the one thing that came to me was um, I believe it was an angel, and the angel said, breathe.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: Breathe, breathe, breathe.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: And then all of a sudden I wake up and there's my dad.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I didn't want my mom because she's the one that gave me the medicine.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: But I know she didn't mean to do that, she didn't know I was allergic.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: So then, you know, I've had a lot of traumatic things like that.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: Um one of the worst ones was um I needed a pair of shoes for school.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: My dad didn't have the money, and I was complaining because I needed it for PE, and I had dress shoes.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I have a, you know, funny toes and shoes.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: I just I don't agree with shoes.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: Shoes and me don't get along.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: And um, so I was saying it, they hurt, they hurt, you know.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: And um, so he got upset with me, and on the way home, he threw me out of the car.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I was sitting on somebody's lawn going, oh no.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: And in the car, my parents were having a conversation, and my siblings thought, oh, she better just stay there, you know.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: And then I come home and I'm thrown across the room, and I don't remember what happened after that.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: My sister told me that they call it the day Trish died because they didn't see me for like a week.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: I I blacked out, I don't know what happened, so I'm not really mad about it, you know.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, well, you know, all I remember is flying.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um, another thing was my mother had this issue with me when I started becoming a young woman, and she walked in on me while I was getting dressed, and she saw that I was forming, and the look in her eyes changed with me because she was a pretty good mom, and then all of a sudden it was like she didn't like me anymore, and she dragged me outside without clothes on because I wasn't ready for school, but also I was like, Why are you looking at me like that?
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you're scaring me, and she just threw me outside.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: So I remember being outside, and I remember hiding in the rose bushes, and um, there's thorns on them, and I was just put picking the thorns off and throw you know, tearing the roses up and just dismantling them, and like I will have to say today that where there is a thorn, God leaves a rose.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so that is something that has always stuck with me.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember sitting at the door going, Um, please let me in.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: I had nothing on, you know, and I had to beg her forgiveness, I had to say sorry, and now that I'm an adult, I realized what I had to say sorry for.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: I kept thinking, what did I have to say sorry for?
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: And what it was was I was she shamed me because um of her shame.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: She had shame inside of her, and the shame that she felt, she projected it onto me, if that makes any sense.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: The love you know is the love you show.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: Often when we have our hurts, habits, and hangups, we bleed out on everybody else.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_00: And and this was an example of both my parents.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: My father had anger, my mother had jealousy, you know, she had jealousy and she had shame.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: So she projected that onto me, and I I just wanted them to love me, you know.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: I wanted to make them proud, I wanted them to love me, you know.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: And there were times that they were good, you know, there was a lot of good things and a lot of good memories, and I tend to hold on to all that, you know.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_00: And so it took, gosh, I would I when I left home, it was nine years I didn't talk to them.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I was like, I'm done with them, you know.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I started my own little family and everything, and any little thing that would go wrong, I just didn't want to be around my parents.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_00: And then one day the Lord told me to honor my mother.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, Okay, so I went and I got her a card, and um the card was I'm like, I I picked up this card and I thought, but she's never done this for me.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: You know, like what?
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: And and I kept looking, I couldn't find the right card, and then God said, No, give her that card, you know.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_00: He was like whispering to me to get her that card.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: I said, Okay.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: So I was obedient to it, and I started getting her these cards, and she started becoming like the mother that I needed.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_00: It was amazing how the transformation just by showing her, hey, this is what I think about you, you know, forget about the sin and everything that happened and what happened to me, you know.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I can say that I had felt crushed, you know, but wasn't Jesus crushed, you know.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember one day I thought, I asked the Lord, I said, you know, what where were you?
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I know you were there, but like I didn't accept Jesus until I was 33.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_00: So I I was dared to go to church by my spiritual dad.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_00: And um so thinking backwards in my past, I'm like, why did this happen?
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: And why were you why would you allow this to happen to a child?
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_00: You know, because we often wonder that, right?
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: And it's because of the sin of the world, the sinners do things to to children.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I think this is why I'm an advocate for and to be in a foster parent, you know, because I love kids and I I try to help the kids that you know, like me, you know, and um the Lord showed me um that he covered me, that nobody and it was amazing that it was a beginning of school and nobody saw me.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_00: No one saw me, no one saw anything uh that was going on with me.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sitting there, you know, in my birthday suit with in front of a door, and kids are walking, and I'm like, how come nobody saw me?
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: This is amazing.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_00: And the Lord was like showing me that he covered me, and he said, In your shame, I covered you with mine.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_00: That's what he told me, and I was like, Wow, thank you, Lord, thank you for that.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_00: You know, when he says these little things to me, you know, and um there was another time that he showed me um a picture of myself, like all these things had happened to me, and I'm talking every bruise, every word, everything.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_00: So imagine yourself and every traumatic thing that's ever happened to you being poured all on you at once.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_00: It's very hard to look at.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_00: So you see bruises, you see, you know, a fat lip, bloody nose, hair falling out, you see words of negative words like, oh, I wish you were never born.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_00: I've you know, just these negative, negative words that really hurt you.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: You know, if you think about what was the most hurtful word, you know, things like, oh, she's such a klutz, oh she can do nothing right, you know, just little things, you know, not and not to say too much of that stuff, but I see I see this on the um on myself, everything, everything that hurt me in my life all at once.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_00: And then the Lord was there again, he was there while these things were happening to me, and I can I can see that he's pure and clean, and there's he's without spot or wrinkle.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_00: He's without spot or wrinkle, and all of a sudden everything, everything that happened to me was transferred on to him.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_00: Every spot that was put on me was transferred to him, and I'm like, wow, that's and then he said um again to me, he said, when they hurt you, they hurt me.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_00: And he said, forgive them for they know not what they do.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_00: And this is the key that I live on.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_00: I live on, I strive on forgiveness.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_00: Even when things are happening, while they're happening, you have to forgive them for they know not what they do.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, forgive those who forgive, you know, um that there's a scripture that says, you know, God forgive us those who trespass against us as we forgive our debtors, right?
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_00: And some, you know, a lot of people feel like they're owed, like, well, they owe me an apology, they owe me this, they owe me that.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I I had that attitude that was stinking thinking, you know.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_00: I was thinking they owed me this and they owed me that.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't until I I let it go.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_00: I had a spiritual mom teach me, one of my spiritual moms teach me about forgiveness.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_00: And she I wrote down all the names of everybody that hurt me, I ripped it up.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_00: Amazing thing.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_00: I start, you know, sending my mom cards, start a relationship, and then my dad gets put in the hospital.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_00: And he had everybody leave and he had me go in there and he apologized.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I didn't even ask him, I didn't even ask him.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_00: He said, Can you forgive me?
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_00: I really feel like I'm gonna die.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I wasn't the best father, I could have been a better father to you.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, Wow, yes, of course, I already have, you know, and this is it forgiveness.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like when we forgive, then that sets the other person free, you know.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_00: And if we don't, we're holding on to them, and you might not ever get reconciliation, you know.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm even in a situation now, so I started giving my testimony, and Mickey here, she is a witness to one of my testimonies in Idaho.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_00: And um, after I give a few testimonies, a lot of things happened.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_00: I had to have a major surgery, I had a big cyst that they had to remove, and um, it was horrible.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_00: It was a horrible surgery, and I had complications afterwards, and then during that, my my dad got really sick and he got put in the hospital.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_00: So I get my surgery October 24th in 2019, and then um November 15th, my dad passed away in you know uh two thousand or two thousand nineteen.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, 2019, I get the dates right.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_00: And that day, the day he passed, my brother who died before me would have been 50 years old.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_00: So that was kind of crazy.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_00: So this is where uh Mickey um messages me and tells me I had this crazy dream about you, and you were being tossed in the waves and you were rolling around, and and it was she said you were thrown out there with a lot of hatred, and and you were never meant to come back to the shore.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_00: And then I finally come back to the shore, and Jesus is there, and his glory is with me.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I really feel like that today.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like his glory is with me, and I went through a terrible storm after I spoke my testimony before, and even this week there's some weirdness going on.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_00: But um I uh I'm like, okay, you know, um we are crushed on every side.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_00: We can be crushed, and I was crushed.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_00: My my dad dies, my spiritual mom dies a few months later, my mom dies in um right before I tell her, like so four months before she passed, she kept telling me she didn't want anything to do with God right now, she's mad at God, you know, this and that.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_00: And and she and my father accepted Jesus right before they passed.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, they had this um prayer time and they accepted Jesus.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_00: And that was a win for me.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_00: It was 17 years of praying for them to know for sure that they were with the Lord.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_00: And um, and me and my mom had a great relationship.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_00: We we were always doing stuff together.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_00: We we we just like to go places together, we love shopping, you know.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_00: And um all of a sudden the Lord started speaking to me when she was telling me, No, I don't I don't want to go to church with you, you know, stop asking me.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, this is my time with my mom.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_00: This is not fair.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_00: I want to have time with my mom.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_00: I just want to hang out with her.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_00: I don't, you know, but I was taking what I could get, you know, and but I wanted her at church.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I wanted.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_00: That was my idea of being at church, and I and I want.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: My whole family at church, but ironically, we were we were all in church together.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_00: And guess where it was?
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_00: My dad's funeral.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it doesn't always look like what you think it should look like.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's how God has it and sees it, you know, and how He He knows it's like a puzzle, you know, your your puzzle pieces are like faith.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_00: Like one little piece at a time.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes they all fit together, and you got the corners, and then you've got this one piece that you can't put in.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_00: And it's kind of like that, you know.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_00: And um, so um I was like um told my mom, and she kept looking at me and said, I need you.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I need.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_00: I need you, I need your help, I need you.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I knew that I wasn't the Holy Spirit.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_00: I knew I had the Holy Spirit in me, but I said, Mom, all I know is you need Jesus more than you need me.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_00: You need the Holy Spirit, you need the Lord, and um if you don't want to do that with me right now, I'm gonna have to like, and I had to hear the Lord say, let her give her to me.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_00: Give her to me.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_00: I said, Mom, I'm giving you to God right now.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_00: Um we're gonna take a break, and I had to like not answer my phone, I had to not talk to her, I had to, I it kills me that I had to do that, and this is where obedience is greater than sacrifice.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, obedience is greater than sacrifice.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_00: Because of that, everybody was mad at me in the family.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_00: So not only did I get that, I you know, um, we just started talking right before she passed, though.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I uh God told me to honor her for Mother's Day, so I did.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_00: And then Father's Day weekend, and right after Father's Day weekend, she passed.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_00: So uh was texting her, and we were I think I ran into her at the store and and you know, but it it was like, you know, um kind of like right there, you know what I mean?
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_00: And God took her, you know, and I was mad.
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_00: I was so mad at God.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, really, really?
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_00: I was obedient, you know, this is not right, this is not fair.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_00: This is how could this happen, you know?
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_00: And um, but I have to know that what matters is eternity, you know, like my grandma, she prayed and she didn't know whether we were all gonna follow Christ or not.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I know my mom and my dad and all of us kids were on her prayer list, so it's only a matter of time before he gets a hold of all of us.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_00: And um recently uh one of my aunts had contacted me, and it's I was so surprised because she was the last person I would think would contact me.
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_00: But after my mom died, this is I think she'd passed away a year or two ago, I can't remember exactly, I think it might have been a year ago.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_00: Um and this is the one who had a good hand in raising me, and the her passing away crushed me because I wasn't able to see her because of all this other stuff.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, I was rolled in the waves, I was tossed around, I was crushed beyond recognition, you know.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um the best thing I can describe as being crushed and put on every side is a blue diamond.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_00: And blue diamonds are like 700 and something feet below the ocean floor, miles below, not feet, miles, sorry.
• 25:40
  SPEAKER_00: And um that's how far down I felt.
• 25:45
  SPEAKER_00: So not only was I tossed in the waves and like a message in a bottle, because this is what it is.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a message in the bottle, and I rolled up on that shore, and I'm gonna say the glory of the Lord is with me, and He definitely has He's doing things, He's working things in the background that I don't even know.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_00: And the power of a seed is so amazing.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_00: Um my grandma was probably the biggest seed I know because when I was in my 20s, my aunt and my grandmother came to me in the hospital, and they told me, don't she said, daughter, don't you ever do that again?
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_00: Because I tried to end my life.
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_00: And my aunt was there with her, and they were, you know, giving it to me, right?
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_00: And um, then they loved me at the same time and said, We love you, don't you ever do that.
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_00: Nothing is worth that, you know.
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_00: And so I I would and let me know how important I was to them.
• 26:49
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so after my grandma passed, she passed a week after I knew she was in the hospital, like the Lord was showing me something was going on with her.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_00: So I ran over there and I wasn't allowed to see her.
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_00: And um, but my aunt was also going through trying to save her life and hearing all the the lies of other people, and you know, and the enemy's a liar.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_00: He tries to separate people, he tries to divide people.
• 27:15
  SPEAKER_00: This is what he does, you know, and he he thrives off of someone's death, you know.
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_00: He wants to make everybody miserable on someone's death and and bring disunity and distrust and lies, you know.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_00: And the truth is, is I love everybody.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_00: Like I love my siblings, I love my aunts, I love all my cousins, like I that's just who I am.
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just a lover.
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, um she actually sent me an apology on her end on everything, and we started talking, and you know, I just wept bitterly, you know, like Joseph in the Bible.
• 27:54
  SPEAKER_00: Like I just cried it all.
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, I'm bawling right now.
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_00: She's like, Me too.
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_00: She goes, You're really my sister.
• 28:00
  SPEAKER_00: And she goes, You're my real sister.
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_00: So she said, because we were raised together, we were raised like sisters.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_00: She's three years younger than me, so we were raised like sisters.
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, I also ran into another aunt who she hasn't really said much to anybody that I know of, but um she she thanked me for um being the whistleblower and letting everybody know that grandma was sick, and um because I just the Lord told me, you know, and I had you know, I had a dream.
• 28:34
  SPEAKER_00: My grandma was an ICU, and that's exactly what happened.
• 28:37
  SPEAKER_00: She was an ICU, and she had got home before I could go to the ICU to see her.
• 28:42
  SPEAKER_00: So um, but grandma was saying goodbye to me in my dream, and we were loving, she told me she loved me and everything, and so it was the it was a wonderful dream.
• 28:52
  SPEAKER_00: But my aunt said that she had been going through cards and things in the house, and she said, Every card I I see is from you.
• 29:02
  SPEAKER_00: You've always been there, you've always been, you know, and her Bible, she reached for her Bible and opened it, and and she said, My name was there.
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, the power of the seed of being a giver and somebody, I just want to share the Lord with everybody.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_00: Like I want everybody, you know, people might think, oh gosh, there she comes again.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_00: She's, you know, wanting us all to and and you know, smothering us, you know what I mean?
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_00: But I don't know what they're thinking, but you know, um, you know, all my uncles have been nice to me, you know.
• 29:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but everybody's just kind of separated, you know.
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_00: And we're all live in different places and have our own families.
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_00: But um, you know, I have I have another uncle on my dad's side who taught who I talk to a lot, and he's very, you know, he's just so loving to me.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_00: And then another aunt on my dad's side, he's very loving to me.
• 30:00
  SPEAKER_00: And she told me something so amazing.
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_00: Like she said, you know what, Trish?
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_00: I said, What?
• 30:07
  SPEAKER_00: She said, One day they're gonna need you and they're gonna want to talk to you.
• 30:11
  SPEAKER_00: And she goes, guess what?
• 30:13
  SPEAKER_00: I said, What?
• 30:14
  SPEAKER_00: And she said, and you'll be there for them.
• 30:19
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, Why do you say that?
• 30:21
  SPEAKER_00: Because the time I was so mad, and um, she says, because that's who you are.
• 30:27
  SPEAKER_00: You've always been like that.
• 30:28
  SPEAKER_00: You've you that's who you are, and I thought, wow, that's the nicest thing anybody's ever said to me.
• 30:35
  SPEAKER_00: You know, so there's these little snippet blessings, you know, and but that blue diamond is down there at the bottom, and we're that blue diamond, you know.
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_00: We are crushed on every side, we've been rolling in the ocean, tossed in the waves.
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_00: Don't be as one that's tossed in the waves, anyway.
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_00: So God had to shake me out of that place.
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_00: And you know the thing about diamonds is they always shine, they always sparkle, you know, and they're and they're not broken.
• 31:05
  SPEAKER_00: So God chunked me off and threw me down.
• 31:09
  SPEAKER_00: You know, he allowed that to happen.
• 31:11
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, we got to keep our oil lamps filled.
• 31:15
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and part of that is keeping our oil lamps filled.
• 31:19
  SPEAKER_00: Think about this.
• 31:20
  SPEAKER_00: Now, Gethsemane, where Jesus prayed.
• 31:23
  SPEAKER_00: I can I I'm very familiar with praying so hard.
• 31:28
  SPEAKER_00: I I just feel like I'm gonna faint, you know?
• 31:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm crying so hard and praying so hard.
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_00: And that part where Jesus was in Gethsemane and he prayed so hard, he he had cried tears of blood.
• 31:43
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, this is where you're so he's so he was crushed.
• 31:47
  SPEAKER_00: He said, Father, take this cup from me.
• 31:50
  SPEAKER_00: And we all have a cup.
• 31:53
  SPEAKER_00: Think about that.
• 31:54
  SPEAKER_00: We all have a cup, and uh it's ours.
• 31:59
  SPEAKER_00: He had that cup and he took it for us for our sins.
• 32:03
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, a cupbearer um is somebody who um drinks the king's drink before he does to make sure that it's not poisoned.
• 32:17
  SPEAKER_00: But Jesus drank the poison for he took that cup, and so I have a cup too.
• 32:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's not as great as his, but that's my cup, was what I've everything that I've been through.
• 32:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I can now taste and see that the Lord is good, you know, and I am that and Gethsemane actually means oil press.
• 32:43
  SPEAKER_00: That's what it means.
• 32:44
  SPEAKER_00: It means oil press.
• 32:46
  SPEAKER_00: So when we're crushed on all sides, be happy, you know why?
• 32:52
  SPEAKER_00: Because that's where you're gonna get your oil.
• 32:55
  SPEAKER_00: You're gonna go to your word and you're gonna read the Bible, and you're going to get that oil out of the word of God.
• 33:03
  SPEAKER_00: The Holy Spirit's gonna give that to you.
• 33:05
  SPEAKER_00: So when you're crushed on all sides, that's where it is.
• 33:09
  SPEAKER_00: Jesus was crushed too.
• 33:11
  SPEAKER_00: And he said, Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.
• 33:15
  SPEAKER_00: The Lord is my strength and my shield.
• 33:18
  SPEAKER_00: His love is patient, his love is kind, it doesn't envy, it isn't arrogant or rude, it's not self-seeking.
• 33:24
  SPEAKER_00: Love doesn't eagle easily anger, no records of wrongs, it rejoices in the truth, it always protects, trusts, hopes, and always perseveres, it never fails.
• 33:34
  SPEAKER_00: Now it says these three remain faith, hope, and love.
• 33:38
  SPEAKER_00: But the greatest is love.
• 33:40
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 33:40
  SPEAKER_00: Then he says, love your neighbor as yourself.
• 33:44
  SPEAKER_00: Keep your mind on things above, not below.
• 33:47
  SPEAKER_00: And so how do we love our neighbor as ourself?
• 33:50
  SPEAKER_00: How do we do that if we're not loving ourselves?
• 33:53
  SPEAKER_00: And how do we love ourselves?
• 33:55
  SPEAKER_00: Then this recent thing with Charlie Kirk, he he's his favorite scripture was husbands, love your wives as the church who gave himself up for her.
• 34:04
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my goodness, okay, Lord, how can he do that?
• 34:07
  SPEAKER_00: How was he able to do that?
• 34:10
  SPEAKER_00: You know, and and give himself up for her.
• 34:12
  SPEAKER_00: This is what Jesus did.
• 34:14
  SPEAKER_00: He gave himself up for us.
• 34:16
  SPEAKER_00: He gave himself up for us, took our sin.
• 34:20
  SPEAKER_00: We don't owe anybody, no one owes us anything.
• 34:23
  SPEAKER_00: We don't owe anybody anything.
• 34:25
  SPEAKER_00: He already did it, he paid the price, he paid the ultimate price.
• 34:30
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, um, you know how we can have this love, it's the for the first commandment.
• 34:42
  SPEAKER_00: Love your God with all your heart, mind, and soul.
• 34:46
  SPEAKER_00: You have to love God with all your heart, mind, and soul.
• 34:48
  SPEAKER_00: He's number one.
• 34:50
  SPEAKER_00: Do not put any other God before him.
• 34:53
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so that's what I live by.
• 34:55
  SPEAKER_00: Do not put any other God before me.
• 34:57
  SPEAKER_00: Don't put any idol in front of him, any person, any ministry, anything in front of the Lord.
• 35:04
  SPEAKER_00: Be brave, you know.
• 35:06
  SPEAKER_00: Um, do something different.
• 35:07
  SPEAKER_00: You know, we can love because he first loved us.
• 35:11
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I get a lot of foster kids that have a lot of anger and a lot of hurt, and they're broken.
• 35:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I plant the seeds and I try to I show them the love.
• 35:22
  SPEAKER_00: And um a lot of times, many kids they don't love themselves, they want to cut themselves, they want to hurt themselves, they want, you know, they're still in the process of everything.
• 35:31
  SPEAKER_00: You know why?
• 35:32
  SPEAKER_00: Because they have fear.
• 35:33
  SPEAKER_00: Fear is false evidence appearing real in their life.
• 35:36
  SPEAKER_00: And if if we have fear, there's no love in fear.
• 35:41
  SPEAKER_00: You're that it all it all it does is it involves torment, right?
• 35:45
  SPEAKER_00: So you have to I have to teach them, hey, don't be afraid.
• 35:49
  SPEAKER_00: You know, one kid did some awful thing to me one time, and I and I looked at him and I said, I forgive you.
• 35:55
  SPEAKER_00: And he was like, Why?
• 35:57
  SPEAKER_00: He was mad that I forgave him.
• 35:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, Because Jesus forgave me of my sins, why wouldn't I forgive you?
• 36:07
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, who am I not to forgive you?
• 36:09
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 36:10
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, sometimes we think, How come he does not answer my prayer?
• 36:15
  SPEAKER_00: You know, and we we have we can't expect him because expectations lead to resentment, and and we can't resent a holy one, you know, he's the holy father, he does what is right, and I see his plan and his purpose has always been right and righteous.
• 36:33
  SPEAKER_00: Even though I went through this, I'm actually glad I did because I think it shaped me and made me the person I am today, you know.
• 36:42
  SPEAKER_00: So I think I think that's pretty much it, unless I can think of anything else.
• 36:48
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't realize that I didn't realize that you were in your 30s when you got saved.
• 36:53
  SPEAKER_01: Like when I met you, you were already Christian.
• 36:56
  SPEAKER_01: And it's funny because some people you meet um like at the age of when I met you, and they're they're not very mature even at at our even at our age right now, some of us are still not mature Christians.
• 37:07
  SPEAKER_01: You can you think, oh, they must have just got saved last week.
• 37:10
  SPEAKER_01: You know, sometimes by the way we behave.
• 37:12
  SPEAKER_01: But when I met you, I would have thought you'd have been like saved for like since a little girl.
• 37:16
  SPEAKER_01: And it's funny because I was saved when I was ten.
• 37:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but I didn't act like a Christian.
• 37:20
  SPEAKER_01: I live people would didn't see Christ in me for years.
• 37:23
  SPEAKER_01: Because I I wasn't discipled, I wasn't taught, you know, and I I I did have a grandmother like you did that was spiritually sound in my life, but I didn't know that that was a way of living, that was the way I was supposed to be living.
• 37:36
  SPEAKER_01: I just, you know, I was kind of going um through the motions kind of thing.
• 37:40
  SPEAKER_01: I did want to ask you a question.
• 37:42
  SPEAKER_01: You said something about your mom, and um um I know you knew my mom, and um you said that you had bought her cards, and I I had to kind of giggle because there was times when I'd go to buy a card from my mom, and I'd go, oh no, put it back.
• 37:57
  SPEAKER_01: No, put it back.
• 37:58
  SPEAKER_01: Because it was like I wanted it to say those things, but it that really wasn't the truth.
• 38:04
  SPEAKER_01: And I think what's kind of funny about that is when the Lord told you to buy the card anyway, I think we forget sometimes that we need to hear affirmation, and sometimes it's through words that we wouldn't normally get.
• 38:17
  SPEAKER_01: And I think what that did is opened up a door for you to show your mom affirmations of love through Christ that she never received in her lifetime that she needed.
• 38:26
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that was that's what helped um break that off from her because I think a lot of times I I know growing up my mom didn't tell me she loved me hardly ever.
• 38:36
  SPEAKER_01: Like hardly ever.
• 38:37
  SPEAKER_01: And um I remember I never said I love you hardly ever either, because it's just something we didn't say.
• 38:44
  SPEAKER_01: You know, you don't hug each other, and we weren't a huggy type family.
• 38:48
  SPEAKER_01: And um, when I met my foster parents or my foster grandmother, she was every time I'd see her, she's hugging, hugging, hugging, hugging, hugging, just super huggy, super oh, I love you, I love you, and I mean I thought, Well, this is really nice, but you know, I didn't really understand it.
• 39:01
  SPEAKER_01: Well, then I enjoyed I enjoyed it so much I started doing it back to my mom, and my mom thought there's something wrong with me for a minute.
• 39:07
  SPEAKER_01: She kept going, Why are you hugging me all the time?
• 39:09
  SPEAKER_01: Why are you telling me you love me all the time?
• 39:10
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, Well, doesn't it feel good?
• 39:12
  SPEAKER_01: Does it feel good it makes me feel good to tell you I love you?
• 39:14
  SPEAKER_01: Why aren't we telling each other we love each other?
• 39:17
  SPEAKER_01: Because we she never had that affirmation, you know, and I remember buying my mom cards too and um and whatnot, and um sharing with her cards that I didn't always agree with, but kind of wanted to have her at wanted her to be that way as my mom, so I just kind of like so I'm gonna get her this card anyway.
• 39:36
  SPEAKER_01: And it's so it was kind of funny that you said that because I could relate with it.
• 39:40
  SPEAKER_01: The other thing I wanted to share with our listeners is that um I was and I was gonna ask you because you're such a good poetry writer, are you thinking about ever writing a book?
• 39:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 39:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, I I know the Lord's he he's been putting it on my heart to do a poetry book and a devotional.
• 40:02
  SPEAKER_01: Oh good.
• 40:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and and I have a I I had a lot of stuff stored and then it got deleted.
• 40:08
  SPEAKER_00: So I was so upset.
• 40:10
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, no, you know, but um I know he'll give it back to me.
• 40:15
  SPEAKER_00: So I yeah, I just need to buckle down and get with it.
• 40:19
  SPEAKER_00: And I have over 120 poems that I've written, and they're all for Jesus, you know, they're all for him and things I and things I've gone through, you know.
• 40:29
  SPEAKER_00: Um, yeah, he's I don't know, I can't even think of one right now off my head, but I wrote one about my mom, I wrote one about my dad.
• 40:39
  SPEAKER_00: Um, there's one called a better door than a window, because my dad used to say you make a better door than a window.
• 40:45
  SPEAKER_00: And what's great, okay.
• 40:47
  SPEAKER_00: This is a short side story.
• 40:50
  SPEAKER_00: Um I another time that my dad was in the hospital, I didn't know he was in there.
• 40:55
  SPEAKER_00: This is how God is, it's so great.
• 40:57
  SPEAKER_00: I I went to this church camp with the ladies, right?
• 41:02
  SPEAKER_00: And we go into this prayer room, and up the steps is the armor of God, and you go to this little fishnet and you put people's names in there.
• 41:09
  SPEAKER_00: I put everybody's name in there, and then um you gotta fill your house, you know, your spiritual house.
• 41:16
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, to me, it's like my mind, okay.
• 41:19
  SPEAKER_00: I've got my family here, I've got this here, I've got that, and you know, it's all over the place.
• 41:25
  SPEAKER_00: And there's an everything box, you know, and so I gotta clean the junk out, you know.
• 41:29
  SPEAKER_00: So I was in there just meditating.
• 41:31
  SPEAKER_00: My friend goes, Okay, we're ready to leave.
• 41:33
  SPEAKER_00: Do you want to go?
• 41:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, Nope, I'm good.
• 41:34
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna stay here for a little bit longer.
• 41:36
  SPEAKER_00: I got things to do.
• 41:37
  SPEAKER_00: And so I just kept staying in this prayer area, and all of a sudden, I I look at this door and I'm I'm a curious person.
• 41:44
  SPEAKER_00: Like when I go to the doctor's office, I'm like, hmm, I wonder what they have in that door.
• 41:48
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 41:48
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what are they gonna do to me?
• 41:50
  SPEAKER_00: I'm always very nosy.
• 41:52
  SPEAKER_00: So um, anyway, I was like, ooh, you know, and so I I I was like, I wonder what this door is about.
• 41:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I see really faint um words that says, Holy Spirit, welcome here.
• 42:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I went, oh, wow.
• 42:06
  SPEAKER_00: And so I loosened the door and I opened it, and I was like, I was meant to open this door, and I went inside, and there was this huge graffiti room, and they had scriptures all over the walls, and that's my program right now.
• 42:19
  SPEAKER_00: Like I have, you know, I got you could see, you know, some of my scriptures anyway.
• 42:24
  SPEAKER_00: I I just like to have a word around me, like this is my favorite room because I just I'm covered around the word, you know.
• 42:31
  SPEAKER_00: And um I stayed in there, I took a nap in there.
• 42:35
  SPEAKER_00: Like I there was this there was a chair that said, um, be still and know that I'm God.
• 42:41
  SPEAKER_00: And God's sitting in front of you in the chair, you imagine He's with you, and I'm sitting there and I'm just closing my eyes and I'm like, Yeah, Lord, this is a nice place.
• 42:49
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just talking to him.
• 42:50
  SPEAKER_00: And then there was this red um velvety area to lay on and a little pillow, and it says, Rest here, you know, and they had the scripture about rest, and uh, you know, I think it's in Hebrews, I can't remember.
• 43:05
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, so I'm resting, and then um I was like, Lord, I want to know where you started making me from.
• 43:12
  SPEAKER_00: Like, how did you start to make me?
• 43:15
  SPEAKER_00: And um he was like, showed me my feet.
• 43:18
  SPEAKER_00: How beautiful are the feet that bring the good news?
• 43:21
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, that's wonderful.
• 43:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I I said, Lord, you're funny because my feet are ugly.
• 43:27
  SPEAKER_00: You know, like I got this second toe that's super long, and it's called a hammer hammer toe, you know.
• 43:33
  SPEAKER_00: But um he loves my feet.
• 43:35
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, thank you, God, you made my feet.
• 43:39
  SPEAKER_00: I I was appreciative of that.
• 43:41
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, um so about the door, you know, it says there's the five wise ones in the Bible who are filled with the oil, the five wise virgins, and then the five that are not wise.
• 43:56
  SPEAKER_00: And if you just ignore it and let it Go and don't seek after that oil, you're not going to get that oil.
• 44:04
  SPEAKER_00: You can't go borrow someone else's oil.
• 44:06
  SPEAKER_00: You can't go to here's a good piece of advice.
• 44:09
  SPEAKER_00: You can't go to everybody and go, hey, I need this, I need this, I need that.
• 44:13
  SPEAKER_00: Because they got to keep their own, we got to work out our own salvation with fear and trembling.
• 44:18
  SPEAKER_00: So um, because they get to the door and they're like not let in because you know what I mean.
• 44:25
  SPEAKER_00: So we want to make sure we keep our oil lamps full because we've got a journey.
• 44:29
  SPEAKER_00: This life, this life is a journey, and we got to keep it filled, or we're just gonna fall apart, you know, and we need him.
• 44:38
  SPEAKER_00: He says that do not put any other God before me, for I'm a jealous God, for my name is jealous.
• 44:45
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't, I bet you didn't know this.
• 44:47
  SPEAKER_00: I actually went to um uh it was uh another church that was um it wasn't a Christian church.
• 44:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll just say that it wasn't a Christian church, but um the Lord called me out of there, spoke to me in there, told me to leave, you know, and told me that you're putting other gods before me.
• 45:08
  SPEAKER_00: So um anyway, that was the beginning of my journey before I actually really accepted Jesus and started following him.
• 45:17
  SPEAKER_00: I was 33, and then I found out that's when Jesus started, did his ministry and everything at 33.
• 45:24
  SPEAKER_00: So it's a good number, you know, and I still have people out there I'm praying for.
• 45:28
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, I know those prayers are up there, and I know that everybody's timing is different.
• 45:34
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, love is patient.
• 45:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, you know, yeah, it is.
• 45:38
  SPEAKER_00: You just have to wait on the Lord, and you know, I'm so blessed that I have this special person that I really love come back, you know.
• 45:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, wow, you know, I never thought that would happen.
• 45:50
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I see people that have gone through rehab in one year they have everything restored, you know, and it's like, what's wrong with me?
• 46:00
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 46:00
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I actually I actually ran into one of them and I I said, Can you pray for me?
• 46:06
  SPEAKER_00: You know, like I I love it what I and I love seeing it.
• 46:10
  SPEAKER_00: I love seeing how everything was restored to this person.
• 46:15
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, I want that too, you know, I want to see that happen.
• 46:19
  SPEAKER_00: And and it and it, you know what?
• 46:21
  SPEAKER_00: I do even before I said that to her, I have already come in agreement with like my grandmother, she stood firm on her faith and she held her head up high, and she never wavered and allowed herself to be tossed in the waves ever.
• 46:39
  SPEAKER_00: You know, she may have before when she was younger or something, but I was I was thrown out there rolling around, and then I finally had to come back to the shore and be like, you know what, here I am, Lord, send me.
• 46:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you know.
• 46:55
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'm a message in a bottle.
• 46:58
  SPEAKER_00: That's me.
• 46:59
  SPEAKER_01: So when you're talking about um, I I love that you brought up um when you're talking about you foster kids, how they have so much fear.
• 47:05
  SPEAKER_01: I honestly believe that um fear is one of the strongest and hardest um strongholds to actually conquer.
• 47:12
  SPEAKER_01: And I think fear connects itself to everything from um a lot of other strongholds like abandonment, rejection, self-identity, the abuse, the anxiety, the depression that comes with it.
• 47:23
  SPEAKER_01: I think fear attaches to all of that.
• 47:26
  SPEAKER_01: And um it's so hard to recognize it and teach it, you know, when you tell people, well, there's certain things you're supposed to be afraid of, because you're supposed to be aware, you're supposed to have discernment, you're supposed to be cognizant of your area and what's going on, you know, because we have a protective mechanism, but sometimes we get locked into that protective mechanism that um we allow the the fear to just over overwhelm us and take us.
• 47:51
  SPEAKER_01: So what would you tell somebody that like is is stuck in a stronghold but they're too ashamed to admit that they have a stronghold?
• 47:59
  SPEAKER_01: And what advice would you give them?
• 48:03
  SPEAKER_00: There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out all fear.
• 48:08
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I would say.
• 48:09
  SPEAKER_00: And and I would say let you know, the only way is to love yourself, you know, first, and and let God love you and love God with all your heart, mind, and soul, because we can only love because he first loved us.
• 48:24
  SPEAKER_00: That's the only way we can love.
• 48:25
  SPEAKER_00: We we're not really taught how to love, you know, and I had to ask the Lord, teach me how to love.
• 48:32
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know how.
• 48:34
  SPEAKER_00: Um our we were stiff-necked.
• 48:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, you know, I come, I'm not talking to you.
• 48:42
  SPEAKER_00: I went nine years.
• 48:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, nine years without talking to my mom and dad because I was a stiff-neck.
• 48:50
  SPEAKER_01: I love that, yeah.
• 48:53
  SPEAKER_00: And then um the other thing, um, what you reminded me of is um there is also a reverent fear, and that fear is um for the Lord.
• 49:09
  SPEAKER_00: The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.
• 49:12
  SPEAKER_00: So don't have fear over anything else but the Lord, because the fear of the Lord, we have to work out our own salvation, you know, and it's a sanctification process.
• 49:23
  SPEAKER_00: We can't just be super healed overnight.
• 49:26
  SPEAKER_00: We you have to seek the oil, you have to ask, seek, knock, and it will ask and it'll be given to you.
• 49:34
  SPEAKER_00: Seek and you'll find knock, and the door will be opened, you know, and you have to dig in deep in the in God's word and his love.
• 49:42
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, sometimes you just put on worship music.
• 49:46
  SPEAKER_00: I even went on TikTok.
• 49:47
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, there's this guy who's a Christian, and he says things like, um, um, it's the next stop.
• 49:57
  SPEAKER_00: He's like on a road.
• 49:58
  SPEAKER_00: He goes, Hey, hello there.
• 50:01
  SPEAKER_00: I know it's been a while, you know, and it's like, yeah, it has.
• 50:06
  SPEAKER_00: He goes, Don't give up on yourself.
• 50:09
  SPEAKER_00: You know, like he's incre he's so encouraging.
• 50:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I sometimes I go to his stuff.
• 50:13
  SPEAKER_00: When I'm feeling down, I'll listen to one of his things.
• 50:16
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, Yeah, let's go to the next.
• 50:18
  SPEAKER_00: He goes, until I meet you at the next rest stop.
• 50:21
  SPEAKER_00: Because sometimes you have to sit, pause, and you have to rest.
• 50:25
  SPEAKER_00: You have to rest, and then you go back into pushing until you know, I say push, pray until something happens, you know, you just push yourself through it, you know, and you cry it out.
• 50:39
  SPEAKER_00: You you you let those tears fall.
• 50:41
  SPEAKER_00: And and but the thing is, is asking the Lord, and he has never failed me as far as when I ask him.
• 50:49
  SPEAKER_00: Um, a part of oh, a big big part of love is his light.
• 50:54
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm I'm sorry I didn't mention this before.
• 50:58
  SPEAKER_00: So there's a scripture that a friend of ours had given us years ago, my spiritual mom's son, me and my husband.
• 51:07
  SPEAKER_00: Um his we went to visit him, he had he was going through his um a loss of his uh son.
• 51:15
  SPEAKER_00: And um he talked about this scripture.
• 51:18
  SPEAKER_00: It was the eye is a lamp of the body.
• 51:20
  SPEAKER_00: If it is good, the whole body's full of light.
• 51:22
  SPEAKER_00: And if it's dark, how great is that darkness?
• 51:25
  SPEAKER_00: So when we're focusing on things that are good, like the Lord, you know, that fills us with his light.
• 51:31
  SPEAKER_00: But when we're focused on this happened to me and that happened to me, and uh uh, you know, you're so mad about this, and you're so I can't believe they did this, and oh, you know, and you're and you're so upset, you you tend to go into the darkness.
• 51:44
  SPEAKER_00: Now look at this.
• 51:46
  SPEAKER_00: Think of Saul before he became Paul.
• 51:49
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so he was like crucifying Stephen, he was killing him, he was the first martyr in the Bible.
• 51:58
  SPEAKER_00: And then look at what just happened, you know, on TV with Charlie Kirk.
• 52:03
  SPEAKER_00: Same thing.
• 52:03
  SPEAKER_00: He was martyred, and so like he and for speaking the word of God, you know, and preaching.
• 52:11
  SPEAKER_00: Well, the thing about Saul was it was he was a Pharisee and he knew the the Torah, he knew the word, and he and and to be a rabbi, you have to be able to memorize it.
• 52:24
  SPEAKER_00: So he knew this was the law and this is how it was gonna be, and he had that Pharisee thing going on, and he was like pointing the finger at all of them and saying, That's it.
• 52:34
  SPEAKER_00: So they went around stoning everybody who was, you know, proclaiming the Jesus and resurrected, and how dare you! That's blasphemous, you know.
• 52:43
  SPEAKER_00: And so anyway, he was throwing the stone, and Stephen went to heaven, you know.
• 52:51
  SPEAKER_00: The the the then Paul, then Saul, big old light flashes in his eyes, and he's blinded and scales go on his eyes.
• 52:59
  SPEAKER_00: Well, um, he's in darkness for a few days, and then a Christian, I think it's Bart was it, I don't know how to say his name.
• 53:10
  SPEAKER_00: It starts to be Bar Bartimaeus or was it him?
• 53:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that I'm glad with that, yeah.
• 53:17
  SPEAKER_00: And so anyway, he loved on him and got him better, and then all of a sudden the scales fell off because he realized the love of Christ.
• 53:26
  SPEAKER_00: He realized, and and he said, Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me?
• 53:31
  SPEAKER_00: Jesus spoke to him, and so this is what we do.
• 53:35
  SPEAKER_00: We shouldn't persecute other people, you know, it's not our job.
• 53:39
  SPEAKER_00: And no matter what they did, you know, or what you think they're doing, it's often I say stinking thinking.
• 53:47
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but um, look what it, you know, it's like the seven deadly sins, you know, it leads you into destruction, anger, wrath, fear.
• 53:58
  SPEAKER_00: It does start with fear because a lot of little things come along with it that you're capable of things you didn't think you would be capable of doing.
• 54:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's really a good perspective because when we think about fear, um, we always think about what the other person could do to us, not what we actually could do to someone else.
• 54:16
  SPEAKER_01: And that's why I think that we don't recognize when we hurt other people or we do things that are wrong, we we don't sometimes catch ourselves until it's too late because we don't realize that it even causes damage or hurts someone in our in our own actions, you know, as we seek out forgiveness or need to ask for forgiveness, you know.
• 54:37
  SPEAKER_01: Um because there's times in my life when I've, you know, just either done something or said something, and then God would convict me and be like, You should have never said that.
• 54:45
  SPEAKER_01: That was not okay.
• 54:47
  SPEAKER_01: That was that's not even of the Lord.
• 54:48
  SPEAKER_01: Like, you don't even talk like that, you know.
• 54:50
  SPEAKER_01: And and um, you know, I had to go I had to go to them and say, Hey, I I said something I shouldn't have said, and I'm really sorry, and I hope that you can forgive me.
• 54:58
  SPEAKER_01: And it's their choice whether they decide to forgive you or not.
• 55:00
  SPEAKER_01: You know, sometimes you you kind of, you know, you hurt when you hurt people, you have to be you have to be willing to understand that they don't have to forgive you, but um, you just hope that they do.
• 55:09
  SPEAKER_01: And if they don't, you know, you still have to forgive them and forgive yourself because God gives us grace and he gives us abundant grace, grace that we don't even deserve.
• 55:18
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, he went to the cross for all.
• 55:20
  SPEAKER_01: And I always tell that with people, I'm like, there's no mess that anyone's in that that that God doesn't already know about.
• 55:27
  SPEAKER_01: Like you can't hide from it.
• 55:29
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it's it's it's it's you don't have to wait until you clean it up in order to seek him out because he wants to meet you right where you're at.
• 55:37
  SPEAKER_01: And it's that's the best place to meet you because then he takes you through it, and he's the one who cleans you up instead of you trying to do it all on your own.
• 55:44
  SPEAKER_01: And um the masterpiece becomes more more of a masterpiece than if you were to do it on your own.
• 55:49
  SPEAKER_00: I love that, but yeah, I love I love his grace.
• 55:53
  SPEAKER_00: It reminds me of that scripture my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness, hardship, insult, and persecution.
• 56:02
  SPEAKER_00: For when you are weak, I'm strong.
• 56:04
  SPEAKER_00: So Jesus, the Lord is strong in us, you know.
• 56:08
  SPEAKER_00: Because I mean, Paul was at his weakest, you know, and it remember he shook off a viper, you know.
• 56:16
  SPEAKER_01: Remember he had the thorn in his side?
• 56:18
  SPEAKER_01: He he was thorn and he couldn't get rid of rid of the wound, but he said he would rather endure that than to not have known Christ.
• 56:25
  SPEAKER_01: And I think it's crazy because you know the Bible talks about fear like like almost I I researched like almost 400 times or something, you know.
• 56:32
  SPEAKER_01: And one of those times was with Paul, but um, even though he was afraid of it, he knew that there was a meaning behind it, and and so he was okay having the thorn in his side because he knew it represented something.
• 56:42
  SPEAKER_01: And I thought that was amazing.
• 56:43
  SPEAKER_01: But we do have to start wrapping it up.
• 56:45
  SPEAKER_01: I wanted to um just say real quick here that um when we're going through strongholds and um working on, you know, recognizing it, I think the most important part is for one, seeking out God first, and for two, um recognizing, you know, people people right now I I honestly feel like a lot of people aren't even living up to their God-given purpose because there's there's so much hate going on and there's so so many people are saying so many things, and I you know, and I I hate to even bring up social media because it's so rampant.
• 57:19
  SPEAKER_01: It's like a it's like a really bad infectious disease right now that um I know that as soon as I turn on my phone, I'm gonna be triggered in one one way or the other.
• 57:30
  SPEAKER_01: Like I'm either gonna be, oh, this is great, or oh man, this is really not good, you know.
• 57:34
  SPEAKER_01: There's no even even middle ground because there's no getting along.
• 57:38
  SPEAKER_01: And God um laid something on my heart last night this morning as I was scrolling, as you call it, and um there's a lot of hate out there, and this artist, because I'm an artist and I follow this artist, he's a really good artist, and I I guess he decided to paint a big um picture of um Charlie Kirk, and he got so much hate, so much hate.
• 58:02
  SPEAKER_01: And now people are saying, you know, you're a terrible artist, you're disgusting, you're you know name-calling.
• 58:07
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, it's just ridiculous.
• 58:08
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, it's the most immature behavior for one.
• 58:11
  SPEAKER_01: And for two, it's it's just disgusting, and it's really sad.
• 58:14
  SPEAKER_01: It's so sad.
• 58:16
  SPEAKER_01: And I I I I went on there to try to encourage him because um I just uh you could just feel his pain, you know, he was hurting.
• 58:24
  SPEAKER_01: And um I just said, look, you know, people are gonna say mean things.
• 58:28
  SPEAKER_01: We don't have to listen to everything that's spoken.
• 58:31
  SPEAKER_01: And what God wants us to also do is not react to everything that's spoken.
• 58:36
  SPEAKER_01: And that's what something God shared with me just last night this morning is like we sometimes listen to respond instead of listen to learn.
• 58:45
  SPEAKER_01: And I've been God's really been teaching me like I I don't want you to say anything, I just want you to listen.
• 58:51
  SPEAKER_01: I want you to listen, I want you to listen because because we could be all running out there, we could all be doing some crazy stuff, saying all kinds of crazy stuff because we have an emotion in our our feelings.
• 59:01
  SPEAKER_01: We're not to be operating on our feelings, we're supposed to be operating on the word of God, we're supposed to be listening to what God says and taking the gospels, sharing the gospels in the streets, teaching people about Jesus because he's coming back, he's coming back soon.
• 59:15
  SPEAKER_01: And the word says, you know, you better be ready in or out of season, you better be ready.
• 59:21
  SPEAKER_01: And nobody's ready because they're they're too busy running running the opinion, you know, the mode.
• 59:26
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I don't like that, or I like this, you know, huh?
• 59:29
  SPEAKER_00: I call that opinion pulling.
• 59:31
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, the opinion pulling I hate it.
• 59:33
  SPEAKER_01: It's driving me absolutely nuts.
• 59:35
  SPEAKER_01: I don't even want to look at my phone anymore.
• 59:37
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 59:38
  SPEAKER_00: And in Romans 8, I I camped out in Romans 8 after all that stuff happened for a very long time.
• 59:45
  SPEAKER_00: I read it over and over and over, and the spirit groans with words that cannot be expressed, I will tell you.
• 59:51
  SPEAKER_00: And you feel it in your gut, you know, and at the end of the out of Romans 8, it says, um, for those who love God are called according to his purpose.
• 1:00:01
  SPEAKER_00: And then it also says that to we will to not be over, well, not in there, but another verse says we won't to not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with his good, right?
• 1:00:11
  SPEAKER_00: With good.
• 1:00:13
  SPEAKER_00: And um not nakedness, not peril, not uh principalities or anything can separate us from the love of God.
• 1:00:24
  SPEAKER_00: That's it right there.
• 1:00:25
  SPEAKER_00: Nothing can separate us from his love.
• 1:00:28
  SPEAKER_00: We just need to press in and hang on and dig in and not not let go, not have those um thoughts of, you know, I don't want to be here anymore.
• 1:00:39
  SPEAKER_00: I just want to end it.
• 1:00:40
  SPEAKER_00: You know, those kind of thoughts were thoughts that I had my whole life as a kid and even as an adult.
• 1:00:46
  SPEAKER_00: And I ended up trying to take my life, you know, and thank God, to God be the glory, that he saved me.
• 1:00:55
  SPEAKER_00: You know, he kept he pulled me out of that pit.
• 1:00:58
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, you do see your life flash before you, you see everything, and you're like, what did I just do?
• 1:01:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that was probably my first prayer was like, if there is a God, please help me.
• 1:01:11
  SPEAKER_00: And then as soon as that happened, you know, all the team of doctors and nurses were all around me, and here I am, you know, like um, you know, it it wasn't a good idea, but sometimes you feel that way.
• 1:01:26
  SPEAKER_00: You feel like there's no hope, but there is hope.
• 1:01:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I will tell you, when you when you try to do something like that, you you feel even worse.
• 1:01:37
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't make you feel better, doesn't make you, you know, it it's like, oh, wait a minute.
• 1:01:41
  SPEAKER_00: There and the light at the end of the tunnel is the Lord, you know.
• 1:01:45
  SPEAKER_00: Um, all those thoughts that were coming on top of me was just thoughts that were, you know, things that were said and things that were, you know, kids shouldn't have to hear, you know, just things that you go through in your life.
• 1:01:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I had never dealt with it, you know, until that day.
• 1:02:03
  SPEAKER_00: And then I decided, and then I had to make a decision.
• 1:02:07
  SPEAKER_00: It takes making a decision and standing on that decision, yeah, to either follow the Lord and follow his light, you know.
• 1:02:15
  SPEAKER_00: It says, Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light to my path.
• 1:02:18
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 1:02:19
  SPEAKER_01: That's good.
• 1:02:20
  SPEAKER_01: We're also supposed to take our our our thoughts captive, you know.
• 1:02:25
  SPEAKER_01: And um I think it's important that because I, you know, I'm I'm you know, I have a lot of similarities, but I had a lot of words spoken to me, especially by my mother.
• 1:02:37
  SPEAKER_01: I wasn't I didn't know my father, but um, and I listened to those words for years, you know, years and years and years.
• 1:02:44
  SPEAKER_01: And also, it was literally my grandmother who told me um when I was a teenager and I had just decided that I was gonna just hate my mother, which my grandmother did not like that word.
• 1:02:54
  SPEAKER_01: She's the one who said, We don't ever say the word hate.
• 1:02:57
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, Well then what am I what am I supposed to say?
• 1:03:00
  SPEAKER_01: And she said, Well, you can you can dislike someone, but you still have to love them, and and you can't love someone and hate them at the same time.
• 1:03:07
  SPEAKER_01: And I thought, and I had a process, I was just a teenager, and I'm trying to process this going, huh?
• 1:03:12
  SPEAKER_01: You know, like what does that mean?
• 1:03:13
  SPEAKER_01: She goes, she goes, and the Bible says you have to honor your mother.
• 1:03:16
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, honor her, you know, and and I was like discouraged with, you know, and and and even though my grandma already knew what I'd been through, you know, um, she she was standing up for my mom, and which was good.
• 1:03:28
  SPEAKER_01: I'm glad that she did.
• 1:03:29
  SPEAKER_01: And it taught me that we don't have to like what people do, but we still have to love them anyway.
• 1:03:34
  SPEAKER_01: And that's what Jesus did.
• 1:03:35
  SPEAKER_01: Jesus didn't have to like anything that we did, and I'm sure he didn't.
• 1:03:39
  SPEAKER_01: When he went to the cross and bore it, I'm sure when he was suffering it and he was feeling everything that we put him through, I'm sure he didn't like any of it.
• 1:03:48
  SPEAKER_01: So when we when we think about that, we have to remember that we don't have to like what somebody does, but we still have to love them.
• 1:03:56
  SPEAKER_01: And you just have to figure out how how to work that process out.
• 1:04:00
  SPEAKER_01: You know, whether it's communication, whether sometimes it's just walking away, like you said, you had to walk away from your mom because Jesus said to give her to me.
• 1:04:07
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes it's just walking away, going into your prayer room, and all you do is pray for that person.
• 1:04:12
  SPEAKER_01: You don't even you don't even stay connected with them for a while because you need that you need that distance so God can work with their heart, you know.
• 1:04:19
  SPEAKER_01: Because we don't want to be the hindrance either.
• 1:04:20
  SPEAKER_01: We don't want to be the distraction.
• 1:04:22
  SPEAKER_00: Oh yeah, on top of that, she started going to church right after that with my sister too.
• 1:04:27
  SPEAKER_00: Remember when my mom I was like, really?
• 1:04:32
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, God, it's fine, it's okay.
• 1:04:34
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not gonna be jealous, you know.
• 1:04:36
  SPEAKER_00: Like I wanted that time with her, but okay.
• 1:04:39
  SPEAKER_00: But you know, he he was jealous for her just as much as he is for me.
• 1:04:45
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I think that um it's it's crazy because uh our moms passed away, like, and you're you're so my mom passed away, then your pet your dad passed away, and then your spiritual mom, and then your mom, and it was like so crazy.
• 1:04:57
  SPEAKER_01: It was like back and forth.
• 1:04:59
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember that um I only had about a year and a half with my mom, where we actually um broke through and talked about you know some things in her life that um she never spoke of before, and she got freed from that and she went back to church.
• 1:05:17
  SPEAKER_01: And I always knew somewhere in my heart that she had um God in her, but she had so much pain, so much pain, so much pain.
• 1:05:24
  SPEAKER_01: And I know because I I lived a lot of that pain.
• 1:05:26
  SPEAKER_01: I went through a lot of it with her and the and the rejection, but I know that um she had a lot of spiritual battles that she was up against.
• 1:05:35
  SPEAKER_01: But I was when she died, that's I was like you, I was really mad because we finally just got past that.
• 1:05:42
  SPEAKER_01: It'd only been like a year, and then the next thing you know, um God took her.
• 1:05:47
  SPEAKER_01: And I was kind of mad at God too, so I can totally relate with you on that.
• 1:05:51
  SPEAKER_01: But anyhow, I don't want to get off subject here.
• 1:05:54
  SPEAKER_01: But um, yeah, well, I am so thankful that you came today and you were able to join in on Um, Crushing Strongholds podcast and share your testimony.
• 1:06:04
  SPEAKER_01: I do hope that you think about doing a devotional and a poem, a poetry book, because I'm probably going to be one of the first ones to get it as soon as you get it done.
• 1:06:14
  SPEAKER_01: So when you decide to do that, let me know.
• 1:06:18
  SPEAKER_00: One thing that my mom wrote about, she started taking a lot of notes before she passed.
• 1:06:24
  SPEAKER_00: And um I I opened her Bible and she had it turned to I think it was Isaiah 34.
• 1:06:31
  SPEAKER_00: I can't really remember it.
• 1:06:33
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but she wrote about God's hope and his hope, and it talks about how he brings um the crocus flowers into the desert.
• 1:06:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I thought, wow, that's so beautiful.
• 1:06:46
  SPEAKER_00: And it just like it's such a beautiful um scripture.
• 1:06:51
  SPEAKER_00: I was like trying to find it real quick, but um I don't know if we have time.
• 1:06:56
  SPEAKER_01: What is that again?
• 1:06:57
  SPEAKER_01: What is it?
• 1:07:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's about the um the desert flowers.
• 1:07:03
  SPEAKER_00: It's in Isaiah.
• 1:07:04
  SPEAKER_00: I know it's in Isaiah.
• 1:07:05
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's 34.
• 1:07:12
  SPEAKER_00: 34, 35, like one of those.
• 1:07:15
  SPEAKER_00: I'm in Isaiah.
• 1:07:21
  SPEAKER_00: It just came to my mind it's such a beautiful scripture.
• 1:07:24
  SPEAKER_01: Thirty-five one.
• 1:07:27
  SPEAKER_00: Thirty-five one, is that it?
• 1:07:30
  SPEAKER_00: The wilderness.
• 1:07:37
  SPEAKER_01: Is that it?
• 1:07:38
  SPEAKER_00: I believe it is.
• 1:07:40
  SPEAKER_00: Um here's in in this version it says rose, but are you I I think it is this one actually.
• 1:07:58
  SPEAKER_00: In the wilderness and the wasteland will be glad of them, and the desert shall rejoice and blossom as a rose, um, and it shall blossom abundantly and rejoice, even the joy in singing, the glory of Lebanon shall be given to it, the excellence of Carmel and Sharon, then shall see the glory of the Lord, the excellence excellency of our God, strengthen the weak hands and make the firm uh weeble knees.
• 1:08:28
  SPEAKER_00: Um say to those um who are fearf fearful hearted, be strong, do not fear.
• 1:08:35
  SPEAKER_00: Behold, your God will come with vengeance, with the recompense of God.
• 1:08:40
  SPEAKER_00: He will come and he will save you.
• 1:08:43
  SPEAKER_00: Um then the eyes of the blind shall be opened, and the ears of the death shall be unstopped, and the lame shall leap like a deer, and the tongue of the dumb sing, and the water shall burst forth in the wilderness, and the streams in the desert, the parched ground shall be a pool in the thirsty land springs of water, in the habitation of jackals where each lay, there shall be grass with with uh reeds and rushes, a highway shall be there and a road, and it shall be called the highway of holiness.
• 1:09:17
  SPEAKER_00: The unclean shall not pass over it, but it shall be for others.
• 1:09:23
  SPEAKER_00: Whoever walks the road, although a fool shall not go astray, no lion shall be there no nor shall any ravenous beast go on it.
• 1:09:36
  SPEAKER_00: It shall not be found there, but redeemed shall walk there, and the ransom of the Lord shall return and come to Zion with singing, with everlasting joy, and their heads shall obtain joy and gladness and sorrow and singing shall flee away.
• 1:09:57
  SPEAKER_00: So I this is what she was reading before she passed.
• 1:10:01
  SPEAKER_00: This scripture, the future glory of Zion.
• 1:10:06
  SPEAKER_00: And and it's funny how you know you had that dream where I was in his glory.
• 1:10:10
  SPEAKER_00: It's like this verse right here.
• 1:10:14
  SPEAKER_01: That's crazy.
• 1:10:15
  SPEAKER_01: So that's awesome.
• 1:10:17
  SPEAKER_01: I think that God reveals it to each of us in his like in a his own way, but a special way, because he created us individually and uniquely.
• 1:10:25
  SPEAKER_01: And I it's funny because you said something earlier um um which made me laugh because I could relate.
• 1:10:31
  SPEAKER_01: You said, Man, why are their prayers getting answered?
• 1:10:33
  SPEAKER_01: Mine not.
• 1:10:33
  SPEAKER_01: Why?
• 1:10:34
  SPEAKER_01: When is it my turn?
• 1:10:34
  SPEAKER_01: You like you know, you go to the DMV and you get the number and you kind of sit there and you're waiting for your number to be called.
• 1:10:40
  SPEAKER_01: I I think about that sometimes and I'm thinking, God, when is it my number?
• 1:10:44
  SPEAKER_01: When is my number gonna get called?
• 1:10:45
  SPEAKER_01: You know?
• 1:10:46
  SPEAKER_01: But God doesn't do that.
• 1:10:47
  SPEAKER_01: Like He created us so uniquely, His timing is so perfect for us, we just don't we don't get it or fathom it because it's not our timing.
• 1:10:56
  SPEAKER_01: And so I I've wondered that sometimes myself, like, God, why am I so waiting in line?
• 1:11:02
  SPEAKER_01: Like, when is it gonna be, you know, my chance or my turn?
• 1:11:05
  SPEAKER_01: And God said, I will work all things out for my glory, you know, it's for his glory that he does it.
• 1:11:10
  SPEAKER_01: But we get the blessings from it, and in his word is the promise on that.
• 1:11:14
  SPEAKER_01: And I always tell everybody when I when I share scripture that God's promises aren't just for me, they're for you, they're for everyone.
• 1:11:22
  SPEAKER_01: God did not, God, he's not a respecter of persons.
• 1:11:24
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's for every single person.
• 1:11:27
  SPEAKER_01: There's not one person that's gonna be left out.
• 1:11:29
  SPEAKER_01: It's kind of like when you're in school and they you gotta pick who's gonna be on your team, and there's always that one kid that doesn't get picked.
• 1:11:36
  SPEAKER_01: That's not God.
• 1:11:37
  SPEAKER_01: God already has a place for you.
• 1:11:39
  SPEAKER_01: You will always be chosen.
• 1:11:40
  SPEAKER_01: We are already chosen.
• 1:11:42
  SPEAKER_01: That's why he sent his son to die for us, because God chose us to um be freed from the sin that we were living in before Jesus came to this earth.
• 1:11:51
  SPEAKER_01: And I think it's amazing that um God just like reveals himself in that way, you know, and he shows different um parts of the Bible that we can go, oh my gosh, this is what he's talking about, oh my gosh, this is what so-and-so is talking about, this is what so-and-so is telling me.
• 1:12:06
  SPEAKER_01: I just heard this, like I heard the song on the radio the other day, and um I was like, I've got to send this to Trish, because it just it was just your story all over again, right in front of me.
• 1:12:16
  SPEAKER_01: I was like reminded of the dream.
• 1:12:17
  SPEAKER_01: And what's interesting about that is um I don't have dreams very often, and I've not had many dreams about another person in a spiritual realm like that, like I did with you.
• 1:12:28
  SPEAKER_01: And it was funny because I wasn't even gonna tell you about the dream because I thought, oh man, she's gonna think I'm nuts if I tell if I tell you.
• 1:12:34
  SPEAKER_01: Remember, I was like, I wasn't gonna tell you, and then finally you said something, and I was like, oh my gosh, I have to tell her now because she you said something about man, you said something about man, I feel like I'm drowning in the ocean or something.
• 1:12:44
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, I have to tell her.
• 1:12:46
  SPEAKER_01: This is like such a spiritual moment that God revealed that dream to me.
• 1:12:50
  SPEAKER_01: And um, it amazes me how sometimes God will show us things through other people, and you know, that's how the Holy Spirit works within us, you know, through dreams and visions.
• 1:13:01
  SPEAKER_01: And a lot some people don't believe in dreams and visions, you know.
• 1:13:05
  SPEAKER_01: And it's kind of sad because I I've had a couple of um dreams and visions of my own for myself, and God had to reveal some things to me.
• 1:13:13
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes I think that he does it because um even though we we're wide awake and we have the word right in front of us, we don't see it until we go to sleep.
• 1:13:21
  SPEAKER_01: He's like, Well, they're not gonna listen, they're just let not gonna listen when they go to sleep.
• 1:13:25
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just gonna come over here and I'm gonna get in their dreams, you know.
• 1:13:28
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's kind of what God does.
• 1:13:30
  SPEAKER_01: But but anyhow, I do need to write.
• 1:13:33
  SPEAKER_00: It's just how he made us, you know, and that's he were visual people, you know.
• 1:13:39
  SPEAKER_00: Um I was oh something I did do to help myself after my mom passed, because I was very grieved on that, is I wrote a letter.
• 1:13:51
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't know for if anybody else feels like they need to just write a letter, you know, and you write it out, you you just tell them how much you love them.
• 1:14:02
  SPEAKER_00: Like I just there is just some things I wanted to say, you know.
• 1:14:05
  SPEAKER_00: So I wrote this letter and I kept this letter, and then and then I was going to the a service, uh Good Friday service, and then the Lord said um to burn the letter.
• 1:14:18
  SPEAKER_00: So I burned it.
• 1:14:19
  SPEAKER_00: And it was only between me and her.
• 1:14:21
  SPEAKER_00: And I took the ashes and I went to the cemetery and I buried it at the cemetery where she was.
• 1:14:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I prayed, Lord, give me beauty for my ashes.
• 1:14:31
  SPEAKER_00: Give me beauty for my ashes, make me an oak of righteousness, righteousness for your name's sake.
• 1:14:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I cried and I let it all out at the at the gravesite.
• 1:14:40
  SPEAKER_00: And then as I was leaving, he was like, Don't go back to the grave.
• 1:14:44
  SPEAKER_00: And what he meant was, don't spiritually go back to the grave.
• 1:14:48
  SPEAKER_00: Now there's the guy who was being tormented in the Bible, the one that was called Legion.
• 1:14:54
  SPEAKER_00: He had many demons.
• 1:14:56
  SPEAKER_00: And think about this.
• 1:14:57
  SPEAKER_00: He was cutting himself with rocks all night in a graveyard, and and no one can bind him, no one could, you know, and think about that.
• 1:15:05
  SPEAKER_00: I could not stay in the grave emotionally anymore.
• 1:15:08
  SPEAKER_00: I had to let the grave go.
• 1:15:10
  SPEAKER_00: I couldn't lay on the grave.
• 1:15:12
  SPEAKER_00: I couldn't, you know, you when people pass away that you love, you literally want to get a chair and sit there and lay on their grave, you know, or a blanket, you know, and just lay there that because they're that's that's where they're at.
• 1:15:23
  SPEAKER_00: No, that that it's like a peanut, you know, like if you break open the peanut inside is the peanut, but the shell, this is uh this is just our shell.
• 1:15:33
  SPEAKER_00: What's inside of us is our soul.
• 1:15:36
  SPEAKER_00: And where does that go to the Lord?
• 1:15:39
  SPEAKER_00: You know, where's your soul gonna go?
• 1:15:41
  SPEAKER_00: That's I mean, you know, I can't say who will ascend or who will descend, because that'll tear Christ down.
• 1:15:47
  SPEAKER_00: But, you know, my hope is in him, you know, and the people I love to make sure that they make it, you know.
• 1:15:55
  SPEAKER_00: And then, but uh, first off, to make sure that I keep myself, you know, and my oil filled, you know, and we just plant seeds along the way, you know.
• 1:16:06
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's what we are to do.
• 1:16:07
  SPEAKER_01: We are to just spread the gospel.
• 1:16:10
  SPEAKER_01: And when I think about that, it's like, you know, how you spread the seed, you throw it out into the garden, and God gets to do the watering and and the harvesting, and and um he'll bring up fruit if fruit is there, and if it doesn't, there I I'm a terrible gardener, and so I can't even use my garden as an analogy because and this is the first year I actually actually grew something other than just a cucumber, I mean, um, not a cucumber, a zucchini.
• 1:16:34
  SPEAKER_01: Like every year I failed at growing a garden, but I would get a zucchini every year, and I was like, what is this?
• 1:16:39
  SPEAKER_01: Why just a zucchini?
• 1:16:40
  SPEAKER_01: And this year I actually have cantaloupe and I have a baby watermelon coming in, and I've got tomatoes and cucumbers and jalapenos and sweet or snow peas and and garden beans, and I'm so like, oh, thank you, Lord, even though it's not a a lot, he's showing me that I need to quit saying that I can't garden.
• 1:16:59
  SPEAKER_01: And God's really learned uh has really taught me how to shut my mouth a lot lately because a lot of times we speak things that we shouldn't speak over ourselves, and um that's one of them.
• 1:17:09
  SPEAKER_01: I I always just tell everybody, oh, I'm just a terrible gardener.
• 1:17:11
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just a terrible gardener.
• 1:17:12
  SPEAKER_01: Well, if you keep saying that, you're gonna just stay a terrible gardener.
• 1:17:15
  SPEAKER_01: But if you start going, you know what, I'm a good gardener.
• 1:17:18
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just gonna go out and I'm gonna work on this one plant, and I'm just gonna actually what I'm doing is I'm gonna I'm gonna plant it and then I'm just gonna pray to God and ask.
• 1:17:26
  SPEAKER_01: Do you talk and you talk to them?
• 1:17:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you talk to them too.
• 1:17:30
  SPEAKER_01: I know they're growing.
• 1:17:31
  SPEAKER_00: I have a lot of people.
• 1:17:33
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, they need encouragement too, you know, you gotta encourage them.
• 1:17:37
  SPEAKER_00: It's so kind of fun.
• 1:17:40
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like talking to them makes a big difference.
• 1:17:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it really does.
• 1:17:44
  SPEAKER_01: I love it when you take your videos out in your garden and you're like, hello, and you're talking, you're like, oh, you're so beautiful.
• 1:17:52
  SPEAKER_01: And so, but anyway, we do need to wrap up because we're running out of time.
• 1:17:56
  SPEAKER_01: But um, just for our listeners' sake, um, I just want to share a scripture real quick, and it's 2 Corinthians 10, 4.
• 1:18:02
  SPEAKER_01: It says, For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty through the through God to the pulling down of strongholds.
• 1:18:08
  SPEAKER_01: And that's what this podcast is about.
• 1:18:10
  SPEAKER_01: It's about recognizing um areas in our life um where we've had to gone gone over, go through obstacles.
• 1:18:17
  SPEAKER_01: And the way that we get through those is we pull them down.
• 1:18:20
  SPEAKER_01: You know, we pull them down one by one.
• 1:18:22
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes they fall, like the walls of Jericho, seven days they fell.
• 1:18:26
  SPEAKER_01: But again, it didn't happen instantly.
• 1:18:28
  SPEAKER_01: And I love that story because some people were like, oh, we just gotta go in there and knock it down.
• 1:18:32
  SPEAKER_01: And God's like, no, this is what you're gonna do.
• 1:18:34
  SPEAKER_01: You're gonna walk around the walls for seven days, and then on the seventh day, you're gonna do it seven times.
• 1:18:39
  SPEAKER_01: So it's sometimes our strongholds don't just go away the minute we want them to.
• 1:18:45
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes we have to pull them down piece by piece.
• 1:18:47
  SPEAKER_01: And I just wanted to share that with our listeners today.
• 1:18:49
  SPEAKER_01: And um, I just wanted to say thank you for coming on.
• 1:18:51
  SPEAKER_01: I had so much fun.
• 1:18:52
  SPEAKER_01: I miss you so much.
• 1:18:53
  SPEAKER_01: I need we need to get together.
• 1:18:54
  SPEAKER_01: I know.
• 1:18:55
  SPEAKER_01: So um um definitely um we need to have a little reunion.
• 1:18:59
  SPEAKER_01: And so, but um, for our listeners, if you are struggling with a stronghold and you do need help and you need um prayer for anything, just go to crushing strongholds uh.com to my website.
• 1:19:10
  SPEAKER_01: You can sign up for prayer that it's free.
• 1:19:12
  SPEAKER_01: There's free clarity call if you just want someone to talk to, um, so you can learn more about uh what strongholds are in your life, if you want to get some freedom from that, or if you don't even know who Jesus is.
• 1:19:22
  SPEAKER_01: If you want to know who more about Jesus, just go on there and I'll be happy to pray with you.
• 1:19:26
  SPEAKER_01: And so um, I do need to wrap up this episode, but I'm so thankful for everyone being here today, and I just ask and hope and pray that you all have a blessed day and God bless and take care.