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The Motivated Mindset - From Service to Significance · Military Broadcast Radio | MBR Talk

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All right hey welcome, welcome to the motivated mindset with
0:43
Jose Flores. Glad to have you guys here.
0:45
We have a great guest coming on and it's just been an amazing
0:51
day. As you know, it's the Army's
0:53
birthday, 250 years. That's why I got my hat.
0:55
And it's also Flag Day. So we got a lot, a lot of things
0:58
we want to cover, especially with our guests.
1:02
And I'll do a quick intro and then we'll bring it on.
1:05
And if anybody's watching, please make sure that you put
1:08
your comments in, if there's any comments you want to put in any
1:11
questions and that kind of drives it and we'll take it from
1:14
there. So is Armaria lie down?
1:17
Well, I know I'm murdering Lydia because me and my accent I
1:20
always be murdering. But what we have put was from
1:23
service to significance to power purpose.
1:25
But you know, basically she's AUS Army veteran, award-winning
1:30
federal leader and the founder of Kandeli USSAID.
1:33
And to correct me with this, with over 17 years of experience
1:37
across global stages and human resource intelligence, and also
1:43
for training and leadership, she's turned her passion for
1:47
advocacy into a mission which is guiding tomorrow's leaders
1:53
today. And from serving for the
1:55
presidential staff to shaping policy at the Pentagon, she
2:00
brings unmatched wisdom and humor and authenticity.
2:04
And so without further ado, let's do the intro.
2:09
The interview of the week is brought to you by Jersey Mike's
2:14
a sub above. All right, here we go.
2:20
Welcome, ma'am. And I know I murdered your name.
2:23
I. Apologize.
2:26
Oh yeah. Can we say, could you?
2:28
Can we say it correctly? Because I want people to know.
2:31
Zamara. Zamara.
2:33
I go by Z though. Z yeah, I know because my my
2:36
Puerto Rican accent just kicks in and I'm like, OK, can you
2:39
send me? The whole Puerto Rican with you.
2:47
Yeah, I'm, I'm working on that. The Army can never get that Get
2:50
get that out of me, you know so, but first of all, welcome to our
2:53
podcast where I'm so excited to have you and what we wanted to
2:57
we'll start off where you from and what brung, you know where,
3:00
where you from, how you were raised, because I know people
3:02
want to hear that, please. I am from Aurora, IL, which is
3:06
right outside of Chicago. I was raised in Aurora, in
3:11
Aurora. That's where I was born.
3:13
I'm the youngest of four by ten, nine and eight years.
3:16
Obviously, I always say that I was my mom's blessing because
3:22
I'm so, so much younger than my sisters.
3:26
I am the aunt of 15 and the Oh my God, that it doesn't stop
3:33
there. I'm the great aunt.
3:34
I'm a great aunt of 15 as well. I think it's up to 15 now.
3:39
So there's a lot of them. And I have eight guy kids and I
3:43
don't have any children. Oh my goodness, I have enough.
3:46
So I don't feel like I need to go out there and do much about
3:49
that. So I'm.
3:50
OK, do you have any fur babies? I don't have any fur babies
3:54
anymore and my friend watching they're probably like she don't
3:57
need to get another one but. Oh my goodness.
4:03
So with all that being said, what was what was the trigger
4:07
that made you join the military? How did that come about?
4:12
Initially, it started with me want to set an example for my
4:15
nieces and nephews. But then I was playing
4:18
basketball in about eighth grade and I came in and I seen a
4:20
commercial was the beat. It was a be all you could be
4:23
commercial. It was right after 8th grade
4:25
basketball game. I'll never forget this.
4:27
And I seen this dude. I was a huge tomboy and I seen
4:30
this guy like propelling from a helicopter.
4:32
And then he had all this stuff on his face and I was like,
4:35
that's going to be me. And lo and behold, like it ended
4:39
up being me. Now my understood jumping out of
4:42
the airplanes, I'm just not, I'm not good for that.
4:44
That wasn't that wasn't in my that wasn't in my past.
4:47
So I didn't do that. No, that is that is so funny.
4:51
You said that because that was the commercial that made me join
4:54
the Bo. You can be.
4:55
I was like the mustache like well, back in the day when I had
4:59
hair, not anymore. That's it.
5:02
But it was that commercial when he said with the cup, good
5:04
morning for Sergeant and that that was the one and and where
5:08
did you go to basic at? In South Carolina, I initially
5:12
joined as a logistician alpha, and then about four or five
5:18
years into my career, I changed this.
5:20
I transitioned to HR. HR OK.
5:23
Is that the still 71 series or I know that's?
5:26
42A It used to be like 31 Lima, but yeah.
5:30
I know that. I know they've changed and with
5:34
with when you say what made you change what?
5:36
Why did you go from supply logistics to HR part?
5:40
Of it, part of it, it was a, it was twofold, if I'm being
5:45
honest. Part of it was when I was a
5:48
logistician, the points were really high.
5:50
They were like maxed out at like 798.
5:52
And they were like, you're either going to have to reclass
5:54
or you're going to have to get out because you're not moving
5:56
forward in a sense. But I wasn't going to move
5:59
forward on their account. I was trying to do it in my own
6:02
way. Well, I was just like, OK, OK.
6:06
And then on the opposite end of that spectrum, there was such a
6:09
bad Rep for HR. Everybody was giving HR grief.
6:13
I'm pretty, I'm pretty sure they still do to this day.
6:16
So I wanted to be on the opposite end of that spectrum
6:18
and, you know, make HR better for people, so.
6:24
Before I go on, somebody said something that I think you're
6:26
gonna say, hey, you don't have kids yet.
6:30
I just go with. It's boozy.
6:32
No, you know, I don't have no children.
6:36
Boozy, boozy. Thank you.
6:38
Yeah, like, yeah, she gonna have a baby.
6:40
I ain't. I don't know.
6:41
It's it's a 5050. I'm good with it and I'm good
6:43
without it. So yeah.
6:45
OK, OK. And you know what was I know for
6:48
a lot of people there was a shock when they first when they
6:51
first joined the military. Was there anything that
6:53
surprised you when you join as you're going through your career
6:58
at first or? At first, I thought it, I
7:04
thought basic training was hilarious.
7:06
The only thing that surprised me was how much people were afraid
7:11
of being away from home. OK, so I, I grew up in a
7:15
household where there was a lot of people, right?
7:17
So I was like, I can't wait to get away from this vacation.
7:21
I was like, oh, this is you want me to get up?
7:23
At first the minus the trash cans, throwing the trash cans by
7:27
the bed like that was not for me.
7:30
Right, right. As I progressed in my career, I
7:34
think the thing that changed or the thing that I wasn't
7:37
expecting is how people were treated.
7:40
There were a lot of microaggressions and things like
7:43
that. So I wasn't, I don't think I was
7:45
really prepared for that because my mindset was and still is so
7:50
very different from like the normal person.
7:52
I guess you would say. I kind of think outside of the
7:55
box and I'm not a robot. Like when you go through basic
8:00
training and everybody turns into like this soldier and they
8:03
just have their their focus is very straight mind was always
8:06
like I always had my peripherals open.
8:09
That just made me charter the path a little different.
8:11
So I think that's the thing that caught me by surprise the most.
8:14
It's like how people think that because you're in the military,
8:17
they can talk to you in your kind of way or treat you in your
8:20
kind of way, and you're just supposed to take it because
8:23
you're a soldier. Right.
8:25
No, I can relate to that. Coming from New York.
8:27
They sent me to Fort Hill, Oklahoma, and that's like going
8:30
from Earth to Mars. For the first week, I couldn't
8:33
even sleep because in New York we lived under the train, so
8:36
we're used to the noise. And I couldn't believe how that
8:39
dude was yelling at me. I'm like, what did I do to you?
8:42
And then we said drop. And I think it was that shock
8:45
and awe that I wasn't used to. And, but you know, I still tell
8:50
I, I just saw recently that now the, I think all the numbers are
8:53
up now for recruitment because it was low for a minute, right?
8:56
Did you see that? And, and, and, you know, I know
9:00
as we go further into your journey, I would tell any young
9:03
person, hey, they're not going to college because college ain't
9:05
for everybody or trade school or even the Peace Corps that the
9:09
military, you know, I always try to tell them, hey, the Air Force
9:12
and the Army, they really take care of their people, you know,
9:16
but I said any of the branches is good for you.
9:18
Just do something, you know, while you're young, you know,
9:22
and, you know, and if there's anybody I know, we, we can't see
9:26
if there's anybody out there that's, that's interested in
9:29
joining the military. What, what would be your best
9:31
advice for someone who's interested?
9:33
Like, well, how should they approach it?
9:36
With an open mind, I think they should approach it with an open
9:39
mind. And I, I used to recruit in New
9:42
York for four years. And upstate, yeah, upstate new.
9:46
York OK, Yeah, yeah. And I wish the numbers were as
9:49
high As for recruiting now as they were back then when I was.
9:52
Right, right, right. Ours, but I think going in with
9:56
an open mind will take them far, not having a set idea of what
10:01
the military is going to be like because it can go completely
10:03
left or it can go completely right.
10:05
So I think that the advice that I would give to anybody that's
10:08
looking to join or, you know, even if they're already in, is
10:12
still to keep an open mind because things can shift very
10:15
quickly in the military. Yeah, and understanding, you
10:19
know, I always tell people that, yeah, it's good that you're
10:22
going in for the college and all that, but you know, there's a
10:24
you, you are joining to do something and that's to defend
10:28
this country. And that might mean taking arms
10:31
and understanding that that's, that's what you're here for.
10:33
But you know, I, I think we're all for, I know, for, for you
10:37
and I, it's been really good, you know, and I'm still a
10:40
supporter of, you know, every time I'm wearing a, a army hat
10:44
or, and I meet another vet, we talked about, you know, what's
10:47
your disability at or hey, what's civilian may ask me and
10:49
I, I'm able to share my story. So it's important to be positive
10:54
on that, you know, and then when you left a basic in AIT, well
10:59
you had to go back to AIT for the HR, right?
11:02
I did, but that was years down the road.
11:04
Like after AIT, initially my first student station in
11:08
Germany, I went to Germany and I did.
11:11
I did everything there. I did the logistics part of my
11:15
career there and then it came to Texas and then when I was at
11:19
Texas for like 2 years, I reached over to HR and then I
11:23
went to their AIT. Got you.
11:25
Yeah, their AIT where you was that Fort Hood I went.
11:29
Back to South Carolina. Oh yeah, I was at Bliss for
11:33
Texas. That's what I'm thinking.
11:35
When you went to Texas, Oh my goodness, that was, yeah, I
11:38
remember I said, man, this place is so hot.
11:41
Then I understood why we trained there, especially with what
11:44
happened in the Middle East, you know.
11:47
So I know you've also served in and as we move for you served in
11:50
a couple of the, what you call it, the high, high level federal
11:54
position. What was that like working at
11:56
the presidential level? Stressful.
11:59
What was that experience like? Stressful.
12:02
OK, what? What does that look like?
12:05
It it looks like a no fail mission.
12:06
It looks like very little room for error and you always have to
12:11
be on on your A game like you're you're traveling in support of
12:16
the president, you're doing work in support of the president.
12:19
So there's like a very small margin of error that is
12:22
available to you. So you're there, you're there
12:26
with the elite of the elite. And so you always have to be on
12:29
your A game. There's like, I mean I can't say
12:33
it any other way besides this is this is your margin of error and
12:36
if I could it is any closer without touching that would be
12:39
it. Now have that when you had you
12:42
gone through the resiliency course before?
12:44
Was it after you had that? Before I had became a master
12:48
resilient trainer, before I went to the White House.
12:51
And how does how did those skill sets help you through that job
12:55
based on what you just told me? Was you able?
12:57
Oh, it didn't make a difference. You know, how was that having
13:00
that skill set? I think I always had the skill
13:03
set. I'm not going to say it didn't
13:04
make a difference because they always tell you be the ball, not
13:06
the egg. I.
13:07
Think the. Techniques that I learned in
13:10
there, especially with the deep breathing that helped me because
13:14
I have when I'm managing stress, I handle that in my stomach.
13:18
So I have to take a step away to do some deep breathing.
13:21
And I think that was one of the biggest tools that I took away.
13:23
It sounds so simple minute, right?
13:25
But it was really one of the things that helped me.
13:29
And then the people, the people that I, I did connect with,
13:32
their help me. I still keep in contact as you
13:35
see. One of them jumped in the chat.
13:38
Wait, was that the what is it Lounge King?
13:41
Was that? Yeah, booze.
13:43
Booze. OK, Yeah.
13:44
Yep, Yep, Yep. The booze.
13:45
I had he was one of the people that I served with at the White
13:48
House in the air. He was in the Air Force.
13:50
Gotcha, gotcha. The people that I connected with
13:54
there that I still keep in contact with are the ones that
13:58
helped me, you know, get through that time.
14:00
Yeah. And I, I know you said that you
14:02
were if you're a master resiliency trainer, right?
14:05
Is that correct? And and you know, how do you
14:07
balance, you know, let's say empathy and leadership in your
14:11
roles, How do you balance those two when dealing with situation
14:15
where you're in the service? The person, I balance it off of
14:19
the person because I can't treat everybody the same.
14:22
So I take it as a when I'm dealing with leadership and
14:26
trying to be an empathetic leader, I am always catering
14:30
whatever it is I'm doing to the individual, right?
14:33
Because that was one of the biggest things that I did not
14:35
like in the military, mass punishment, everybody's getting
14:39
punished. So one of the things from
14:42
resiliency training I took was when I'm being an empathetic
14:46
leader or when I'm having to try to create an intentional impact,
14:50
I am delivering that leadership specifically to that person and
14:57
to whatever the situation is for that individual.
15:00
I'm not approaching it how I would approach it for Jose, you
15:04
know, approach it how would for whoever that person is.
15:08
And so that the balance between empathy and being an effective
15:12
leader for me, I think empathy plays into being effective
15:16
leader, right? You have to empathize and put
15:19
yourself in the position of the person that you're trying to
15:22
help in order to help the, you know, come to a resolute.
15:26
So for me it was just treating each person as an individual and
15:31
not like, you know, not trying to put a mass thing on an
15:36
individual. I, I agree with you.
15:39
That's one thing I would have to say that when one person made a
15:42
mistake, everybody paid for it, even when you're in permanent
15:45
party. I mean, you know, and, and I, I
15:48
agree with you, you should deal with that person one-on-one, but
15:51
you and I know that doesn't know what's happening.
15:53
It doesn't. And I'm like, you know, wow, you
15:56
know, And then, Wesley, when I become a leader, you know, I'll
15:59
do better. You know, I'll do better.
16:01
We're about to take a break and we come back.
16:03
We'll keep following that thread and let's go for a break.
16:07
And we'll be right back. Thank you.
19:37
Welcome back to MBR, the station that gives veterans a voice.
19:41
Man, I should have my own podcast.
19:43
OK. Anyway, hey, check this out.
19:44
You know what to say. OK Z, what do you think about
19:46
that song? I always ask my guest, what did
19:48
you think about that song? I think it was very heartfelt.
19:52
Yeah. And it tells a, a very real
19:56
story. Like when he said he was born
20:00
when he turned 18. Like you're becoming a.
20:04
An adult, especially if you joined, I mean, some people join
20:08
at like 17 years old, so they become an adult then.
20:13
And I don't know, I just felt like that was kind of, it was
20:16
very sentimental. Yeah, it, it was, it, it's, it's
20:20
so deep. I, I love it every time.
20:21
It's like I'm listening for the first time and I catch something
20:24
off it. But you know, I think I tell
20:27
young people, you know, you really don't appreciate what you
20:30
have in America till you go overseas and you serve and the
20:33
sacrifices we make. You know, on and, and, you know,
20:36
on that line we talked about and I know you talk about developing
20:40
leaders, you know, and for you from your point of view, what
20:43
are some of the gaps that that you see in leadership today
20:48
based on your experience? We talked about developing.
20:51
I to go back to what we were talking about earlier, treating
20:55
everybody as an individual, not having a cookie cutter
20:58
leadership style for every person that you come in contact
21:02
with, you yelling and screaming at one person that may work for
21:07
them, that may motivate them, that may get that may drive
21:09
them, But you can't do that to the next person.
21:12
You have to try to learn who that person is truly know.
21:16
Like in the military, you got to know your soldiers like they say
21:20
that all the time know who you're dealing with, kind of
21:24
know their background, know their history, know who you're
21:27
talking to because what's going to drive that one individual is
21:30
not going to drive the next person.
21:32
And so. And and I know I remember when I
21:36
was in, we had leader books and you had to know even, you know,
21:40
the size of their shoes sometime either the anniversary of their
21:43
wives and so on to understand who the person is.
21:47
And I agree, because my last assignment was teaching ROTC at
21:51
the college level and teaching that relationship between the
21:54
officer and the non commissioned officer, you know, and how do
21:57
you earn that respect from the soldiers?
21:59
And they don't really care what college you went to or not like
22:01
that, you know, and, and understanding that you've got to
22:04
earn that as a, as a leader. You can never be last.
22:07
You got to eat last and you got to lead from the front, you
22:10
know, and I know some of the things when I became a leader is
22:14
given that, like that, given that E4, Hey, you're a Sergeant,
22:17
you're in charge for today. How would you lead?
22:19
How would you do things so empower them to be a leader, you
22:22
know, because we know we all make mistakes.
22:24
I know so many that I've made, you know, but I've had oh, my
22:28
goodness, I should be in jail. But anyway, thank God that he
22:33
had social media back in the day.
22:35
That's all. I Yeah, my God.
22:38
But. But I know what you mean.
22:39
And you know, one of the things that I still carry today, those
22:42
things that I learned in the military have helped me be a
22:45
better employer and leader on the outside because of that
22:48
foundation, you know, and you know, so and I know that's one
22:52
of the things that that you harp on before.
22:56
And we talked about not being a robot.
23:00
I think you mentioned that before, but being authentic,
23:04
being a leader. You, you, you know, you don't
23:06
have to tell everybody I'm in charge do.
23:08
You, no, my presence is going to do that.
23:11
And I say that with humility because when I was in Korea, my
23:16
soldiers would be like, I felt you before I even seen you.
23:19
And so I was like, well, that's good.
23:21
You shouldn't be doing nothing. You shouldn't.
23:22
You know that. You ain't got no business doing
23:24
because you don't know where I'm going to be at.
23:26
But you right, right. So no, I didn't have to go into
23:30
a room and and, you know, say, hey, I'm a leader.
23:33
And, you know, I think it was more just my presence on how I
23:37
carried myself and I did things my own way.
23:40
Like I was kind of rebellious in that way.
23:44
Because there are a lot of people who are going to try to
23:47
imprint on you and tell you what you should do and how you should
23:50
do it because that's how they did it, the work for them.
23:54
But when you come into your owner, when you know who you
23:57
are, you're able to carve out a path for yourself that is that's
24:02
going to work for you, then people will gravitate towards
24:06
that because it's authentic to you, right?
24:08
You're not out here trying to be Sergeant such and such.
24:10
You're trying to be who you are. And I think that that would that
24:15
is one thing that carried me over with those that I had as
24:18
soldiers. I wasn't trying to be like
24:21
somebody else. I could be relatable, but I
24:23
could also get in your butt. You know what I mean?
24:25
Like. Absolutely.
24:26
It was it was a 2 fold thing. So just staying true to who you
24:31
are and and going about it and being a servant leader.
24:35
There you go. Yes, bingo.
24:37
I I wouldn't ask how you said. That, yes, the servant leader is
24:42
is is what took me to new heights I feel like.
24:46
Yeah, yeah, yeah. There is a retirement ceremony
24:50
that I had gone to when I was a young E5.
24:52
I think I just got promoted to E5.
24:54
And Simone, shout out to Simone Saar Major, she gave a speech
25:01
and I don't remember this speech, but I remember her
25:03
saying, you know, servant leadership and how that was
25:06
important to her. And that just kind of like stuck
25:08
with me because then you have to find the humility in being a
25:13
leader. And I think in the military is
25:16
very important because we don't have a lot of that.
25:19
Everybody you you got the person that came off the street and
25:22
they never had nothing. And now they, you know, a leader
25:24
and now they trying to knock you over the head and you just like,
25:28
hold on, who you talking to? Hold on.
25:31
Let's let's pause a second. But then you also have the other
25:35
people who you know, go to college and then they're that
25:39
because they gone to college that they know better than or
25:41
more than the person who didn't. When in fact the other person
25:44
who didn't, because they have more life experience, they're
25:47
more relatable, they're the better leader.
25:49
So it just, you have to sometimes just scale it back,
25:53
draw it back and go back to being a servant leader and that
25:57
you kind of in the background so that you can lead from the
26:01
front, you know what I mean? Absolutely.
26:03
And you know, I'll never forget this word.
26:06
I was a graphic alphabet Germany and you know, you remember when
26:09
we had it, you do stand to right before and that's the first time
26:13
walking around with the commander with a cup of coffee
26:16
and he said, Hey, I think he's a specialist florist.
26:19
How you doing? I said, well, I wish I was you
26:21
top walking around with a cup of coffee.
26:23
Meanwhile, I'm a bit hot, knee deep in water and this is
26:26
something he told me that I didn't get into.
26:28
I became a so I became a lady say inclement weather Bill's
26:31
character. I looked at him like, what the
26:33
heck does that mean? You know, but then when I became
26:36
a leader, you know, I understood, you know, when you
26:39
train as you you train, as you fight, you know, teach, coach
26:42
and mentor all those things that that were taught, you know, and
26:46
always leading by example, you know, and, and taking the knees
26:49
sometimes to do that teaching point, you know, so that's
26:52
that's so important. And when we talk about, you
26:56
know, the stuff that you've done and how that impacts people,
27:02
because in the end, the reason leaders do well is because of
27:06
their people. And sometimes leaders forget
27:08
that. You know what?
27:09
What would you say to that as far as when you, you know, as
27:12
far as when leaders says, hey, you know, it's all about me, but
27:14
it really isn't. I would say BS because you, you
27:18
didn't make you. You didn't make you the people
27:21
who you led made you because they were the ones who gave you
27:24
the experience. They were the ones who gave you
27:26
the teachable moments. Those were the people that you
27:29
had to be in front of, making your mistakes and growing at the
27:32
same time. So no, I would call BS that that
27:37
wasn't true. That was them.
27:39
But we see it every day. We see it every day out there,
27:42
you know, like like when they do awards.
27:44
I used to hate it when where if you was a certain rank.
27:46
But wait a minute, that E5, Oh my I they started.
27:50
An award. Girl, wait a minute, that that
27:54
E7 didn't do squat, but here's that E5 busting his butt and I
27:57
put him in for MSM. And then they were like, Oh no,
28:01
wait, wait, you're going to give this guy who did nothing because
28:04
he's a I hated that. I hated that.
28:06
But when I became a first Sergeant, I told my commander,
28:09
that's not the way it works. And I told this arm major.
28:12
So we can't just do that How we're going to get leaders if
28:14
we're just giving it, everybody gets a trophy.
28:16
So yeah, that's I'm sorry. No, no, no.
28:21
I That's one of my pet peeves. It's.
28:24
I think it for every good leader.
28:26
It is every it's every good leaders pet peeve, right,
28:29
because OK, person that is E 7 E 8 has given us award, but
28:34
they're not doing the work they're doing a supervisor.
28:36
Granted you may have you earned your key.
28:38
You did your job. Right, right, right, right.
28:40
Who's actually doing the work is not getting the recognition and
28:43
that just eats me up like, well, what am I here for?
28:47
Absolutely. Yeah, and that's how the
28:49
soldiers are going to feel like, well, what do like they're not
28:52
going to feel motivated to continue to do those types of
28:54
things if you're seeing any type of benefit except for their
28:58
leader getting, you know, called cut outs for that stuff.
29:02
And that's why we have so many young soldiers and great leaders
29:05
leave because of that. Yeah.
29:08
Those those things. Wait a minute.
29:09
You know, I Yeah. But absolutely.
29:11
And how how do you use humor in what in your training as leading
29:16
to do you use humor? Oh, yes, OK.
29:22
I don't know, I. Have to.
29:24
I have to, because you have to make light of certain
29:27
situations. I am goofy by nature and I think
29:31
that if I didn't have that or if I didn't have that ability to
29:34
make people laugh or laugh with situations or circumstances, I
29:39
don't know how fun or how effective I would be because I
29:44
can't. You have to be able to laugh at
29:46
some of the things that you go through in order to get through
29:49
them, right? Because everything's not going
29:50
to always be great. It's not going to be perfect or
29:53
fun or easy. It's you're going to have to
29:57
sometimes laugh through it and it just be like this, this, it's
30:04
perfect. Yes, yes.
30:07
I don't know if we could cuss out here, but I was like, no.
30:09
You can't. No.
30:10
If you need to let it out girl, I don't.
30:12
Need. I don't need to cuss but you.
30:14
Don't have to know this. Shit right here, yes, you have
30:19
to, you have to be able to laugh through the situations,
30:22
especially in the military. Even when you get out, you have
30:25
to when you're looking at circumstances, you got to be
30:27
like, now I know good and well, but I know that my friends and
30:33
family, if they're watching, they're probably like.
30:36
Yeah, yeah. You're using humor and what she
30:40
does is. And I agree, you need you need
30:43
humor and especially when you're a civilian.
30:45
Let me tell you, you know, when once you get out the mill, you
30:48
work for the civilian as A and it's like you got you can't do
30:51
anything but laugh without getting upset.
30:53
It's like, oh, you AGS 15, I'm like, good, you know, I'm like,
30:58
that's on BS and all I can do is like, OK, you know, so I get it,
31:01
I get it, you know, but we're going to so when we come back,
31:05
we're going to take another break.
31:06
We're going to talk about your your business.
31:10
OK, What you I'm so excited. I'm like, hey now, how do you
31:14
say it? Tell me, how do you?
31:16
Unsaid. OK, because I'm like, I was ODF
31:21
out there flapping. When I did that thing with the
31:24
way that spell check just didn't catch it.
31:26
I was like, Oh my God, she's so mad at me.
31:28
She's going to think man, he is ODF no.
31:30
No, it's. Fine, so we're going to go on
31:32
another break and then we're going to get into them.
31:35
So what what is it that you what makes you you and why you want
31:38
to give back to our community? Let me see what we got here.
31:41
Oh, I got one. We got one more.
31:43
Somebody said here the he said joining the Corps was one of the
31:49
best choices of my life. Simplify.
31:51
Thank you to all our veterans and thank, thank you.
31:54
That's that's my brother from New York.
31:56
That's I love that guy. But yeah, hey, thank you, bro.
31:59
And my Marines. Hey, next time I see you, I'll
32:02
bring you some crayons, OK. Anyway, anyway, let's just you
32:08
know, I'm just serious, right? What that means, Let's go to our
32:13
commercial. Welcome back to the Motivated
36:10
Mindset NBR, the station that gives veterans a voice.
36:13
Every time I every time I see that video, that's another one
36:16
makes me think of what we're not hearing of the so many young
36:20
girls that I'm being abused, being stolen, you know, and that
36:25
it it that that one gets gets me every single time.
36:29
Yeah, thank you so much for playing that and showing that we
36:33
have so many people that are missing that have not your way
36:36
home. That's a very sensitive topic
36:40
for me. I've seen that the a lot of the
36:43
women were victims of sexual violence and I was a victim
36:47
advocate in the military. And that is a job that is not
36:50
for the weak. There are a lot of people that
36:55
are being abused in the military, and we need to talk
36:59
about it. It's yeah, it's that's a
37:06
sensitive topic. It is.
37:07
It is. Very, I'm glad you played it so
37:09
that people know that there are people that are on the other end
37:12
of that loved ones and family members waiting for those people
37:15
to come home and, you know, still hoping and.
37:18
And, and I knew that you were a victim advocate on that and just
37:22
in general, can you explain we may have some civilians who
37:26
don't manage that. What exactly the victim
37:28
advocate? Can you explain just a little
37:29
bit of that? So it's a, it's a very coveted
37:34
position in the military where you take on, you're kind of like
37:38
the first person that responds to a sexual assault or
37:43
harassment case before it goes to the Sark.
37:47
So you're like their first line of defense.
37:49
You're the person that they, they hear from first.
37:51
You go to the hospital or the site or wherever they are or
37:56
wherever they're comfortable meeting you.
37:57
You meet them and you do their intake and you get as much
38:01
information as you can from the, from the, the victim.
38:07
And then you hand it off. You do a smooth hand off with
38:11
the Sark so that they can put it into the system, capture that
38:15
information and then you continue on throughout the
38:18
process with them being there, being their advocate in in a way
38:23
and making sure that they're protected and and feel safe.
38:26
Absolutely. And in your experience, when you
38:28
was in that position, did you see it work?
38:30
Did it work most of the time when it was valid that somebody
38:35
did you see the chain of command support and in your?
38:40
I've seen it both ways if I'm being quite honest I feel like.
38:44
Absolutely, Absolutely. I feel like I I've seen it both
38:47
ways. I've seen the irrevocable,
38:52
irrevocable. I've seen the impact that it had
39:00
the actual service member and how they were not able to come
39:03
back from that and continue serving.
39:06
But I've also seen the command show great support and making
39:10
sure that they went to great lengths to separate the the
39:14
perpetrator from the victim so that they can have that space
39:19
and so that the investigation would not be impacted.
39:22
It's very sensitive in nature because they, the, the person
39:28
who is going through that has the option to, you know, go
39:32
through it in private or make it public.
39:34
But I feel like there is there's a little bit of if you don't
39:40
take it public, then your resources can be limited.
39:44
Got you. Yeah.
39:44
That it shouldn't be that way. I feel like if you want to keep
39:47
it private then you should still be able to have all of the
39:52
resources made available to you and still go through that
39:55
process. Roger.
39:57
Yeah. But I also think that, you know,
39:59
call them by their name and let the world know that this person
40:02
did XYZ. So that's what you mean.
40:04
And I think that's the more of the picture that the military
40:07
tries to do. That's why they want you to do
40:09
the unrestricted reporting. Yeah.
40:12
So either way, as long as they're coming forward, I think
40:15
that's the most important thing. I agree.
40:17
I I remember when I first came in the military they were always
40:20
blaming the victim. You should have not warned this.
40:24
You should not have been do wait a minute.
40:25
What does that have to do with anything?
40:27
You know, what about the the perpetrator?
40:30
You know, and I'm glad that they were able to change that, you
40:33
know, at least try. But yeah, that every time I see
40:38
that, you know, I make it, it it does.
40:40
I do. I do feel it.
40:42
But now I want to talk about what inspired you to start your
40:48
company and what what does it mean to you?
40:50
The name. So that's what I would like to
40:54
talk about. The inspiration behind Candidly
40:58
Unsaid was to give a voice to everybody in life.
41:04
Because there's no manual for life, right?
41:06
So initially it started off as we just wanted to be a life
41:09
coach. And then I was like, what?
41:10
I have a lot of leadership skills that I can incorporate
41:13
into that as well. So why not make it life and
41:15
leadership So candidly unsaid to me means giving a voice.
41:21
Giving a candid voice to those who were silenced for so long.
41:25
Like giving you a place to be unapologetically who you are
41:30
without the need to feel like somebody is trying to silence
41:33
you or make you feel a certain type of way for being the person
41:37
that you are. Be it in life and in leadership.
41:42
So what would be a situation, for example, that you can give
41:46
if somebody's listening Why, what?
41:48
What situation would would be something that would reach out
41:52
to you? Like give an example to hey in
41:55
case somebody wasn't sure what you're comforting?
41:57
To unearth who you are, that would be a situation like
42:02
anybody who is trying to figure out or uncover what type of
42:05
leader they actually are authentically, right?
42:08
Because there are a lot of tools and tips out there that you can
42:11
go do and, and figure out what's your leadership style, but what
42:16
type of leader you are at, at your core is where I can.
42:20
And again, there's no manual for this thing called life.
42:24
We're all navigating it the best way that we can.
42:27
But if I can help somebody unearth their unapologetic truth
42:31
or become who they are at their core, I think that, you know,
42:37
that helps. That gives people a space to
42:39
just be right, especially in the world where everybody's trying
42:43
to hush you, silence you, make you feel some type of way for
42:46
who you are, what you look like, how you dress.
42:51
You come to me and I'm going to help you unearth who are you
42:54
truly, and that without you know, without shame and with
42:58
grace. Yeah, because I remember some of
43:01
the what you call the ones where they give you 4 letters and it
43:05
says if you're an extrovert, an introvert.
43:07
Is this something like that or is something totally different?
43:10
That is a part of the process. OK, OK.
43:13
That helps us to to find out like what type of leader, where
43:17
we can start. It gives us a starting point.
43:20
And but to unearth who you are, you have to get you have to be 1
43:24
unapologetic about the discovery of the discovery of you, right?
43:30
And then we can go a little bit deeper to figure out what makes
43:34
you you, what makes you tick. And it's not counseling, it's
43:37
coaching. So it's there.
43:39
I'm there to coach you through unearthing who you are.
43:44
That way you can be the best leader that you can be because
43:46
you know who you are. A lot of times we're masking,
43:49
right? We're we're and we're walking
43:52
around here and we're leaders. We're the type of leaders that
43:56
somebody else made us. We're not the type of leader
43:58
that we made ourselves. Right, right.
44:01
Sometimes it's almost like you're faking it till you make
44:03
it. You're just going through like a
44:05
robotic kind of. I know I did it as a young E5
44:08
because I didn't get the skill set.
44:09
It was like, OK, I'm in charge and I just watched what a bad
44:12
leader did, but I didn't know it was bad.
44:14
I just didn't what he was doing. It's like, you know, or when you
44:17
hit with absolutely. So you're like, oh, it's
44:22
acceptable, it's the culture, but I want people to be able to
44:27
navigate those cultures and climates in their truth, right?
44:32
Because when you know who you are and you know what you stand
44:35
on, nobody, you can walk into any room and and be the best
44:41
version of yourself. So that is that is the entire
44:44
goal that I have for my business.
44:47
And the things that I want to present to the community is to
44:49
help people be their authentic stuff.
44:53
Everybody is out here talking about like I am who I am.
44:56
You just got to accept it. But let's come see if that's
44:58
true, right? Let's really tap into that and
45:01
let's see who you are, who you say you are, or who you think
45:06
you are, right? Because who we think we are and
45:08
who we actually are is different.
45:10
Absolutely. So, yeah.
45:13
So when they go on your site, what what, what, all they got to
45:15
do is they walk them through and what you know, they go on your
45:18
site and they fill out a survey or.
45:21
If they, if they go on the site and they just sign up, they'll
45:25
get an e-mail welcome welcoming them to becoming a candidate,
45:30
'cause like, yeah, candidate. I like that.
45:34
I like. And then soon I will be
45:37
launching a leadership course. It'll be oh.
45:40
OK. And so if they sign up to become
45:43
a candidate now, then they'll have access to it when I when I
45:46
post it. Cool beans, All right, And
45:49
ladies and gentlemen, there's a website of Ross.
45:52
Make sure you reach out and you know and see.
45:56
You never know who you find out who you are.
45:58
You never know. Yes, right.
46:00
Hey, you know, I'm, I'm more of an introvert myself.
46:03
How you doing? It's OK.
46:05
Introverts are, I mean, introverts are some of the best
46:07
leaders. You don't really seem to be, you
46:09
know, all extroverted out there. Right, right.
46:12
Right. Yeah.
46:13
No, no, Absolutely, absolutely. And you know what, what advice
46:18
would you give to, because I know we may have some veterans
46:21
or anyone who's struggling to find purpose after service.
46:24
And especially now a lot of like me, a lot of government workers
46:29
have taken that, that, that buyout, but they're still in the
46:33
same boat. Like, you know, how do what?
46:35
What advice would you give to somebody in that position
46:37
transitioning, trying to find who they are, you know?
46:42
I would say knowing the purpose for your life or seeking that
46:45
out, finding your ikigai, finding your reason for being.
46:49
That's ikigai means finding your reason for being in Japanese.
46:53
So there may be, I think everybody has a reason for being
46:59
here, right? And the, the best gift that we
47:04
can give back to the world is to find out what that is and and
47:08
hone it. So my my advice would be just
47:12
like, go out there and find what makes you happy, what drives
47:17
you, and don't let that be found in another person.
47:21
Don't let that be found in another thing or another object.
47:24
Go out there and find that within yourself.
47:27
And then once you find your purpose, share it with other
47:31
people so that they can benefit from it too.
47:34
See, I, you hit on a spot that I can totally agree with when we,
47:39
when we find it in somebody else rather than me and I and, and
47:43
rather than believing in who I am, I remember at one time in my
47:48
life, it was whatever they wanted.
47:49
And it's almost like I was following them and I followed my
47:53
true intentions and my true heart.
47:54
So I can truly relate to that. Yeah.
47:57
And I think a lot of people do it subconsciously because of
48:00
where you were raised, culture. And it's easy.
48:05
It's easy. It's easy to fall into that,
48:08
that type of lifestyle of this, you know, follow what the last
48:12
person did because it's not working.
48:14
But once we stop to take a moment to try to like figure out
48:17
what works for us or what our passion is or what our purpose
48:20
is, life has so much more meaning.
48:23
Like you wake up with a different attitude, a different
48:26
presence, and then people can see that on you.
48:28
They can pull that from you, right?
48:30
When you know what your purpose is and everybody's purpose don't
48:34
have to be, you know, you ain't got to be the biggest person out
48:38
there, you know what I'm saying? You ain't got to be the the
48:40
wealthiest person out there. But when you have your passion
48:44
and you're striving towards that and you're looking to fulfill
48:47
it, it's going to be felt by every person that you come in
48:51
contact with. And the best thing that you can
48:53
do once you find it is share it. Yeah.
48:57
I I I always say knowledge is worthless unless you share it.
49:01
Yeah. Share it because sometimes we
49:04
become like crabs in a bucket, you know what I mean?
49:07
Not sharing. And always, yeah.
49:09
No gatekeeping over here. I can't delete.
49:11
I'm saying OK, we do not gatekeeping.
49:13
I hate gatekeeping because why are we?
49:16
Right, right, right. Elevate.
49:18
Yes, yes. What you doing and what I'm
49:20
doing, it could, we could be in the same arena, but it's going
49:23
to look different. It's going to hit different.
49:24
It's going to be different than somebody else.
49:27
So there's enough room for everybody to go out there and
49:31
like, we don't have to be, we don't have to be crabs in a
49:34
bucket. That's right.
49:35
We're going to go to one more break and I'm going to give you
49:37
your last, last word, your last advice you want to give people
49:40
before we sign off, OK? Welcome back to MBR, the station
52:44
that gives veterans a voice. And here we are with Z.
52:47
I'm saying that right, right. ZI got that's so much easier for
52:49
me not to know my tongues. And I just want to say, you
52:55
know, it's been an honor and what what advice, what last
52:59
words you would like to give to people watching based on your
53:02
experience and and so on. Just your thoughts if if you can
53:06
please. I would say light your own path.
53:10
There will always be darkness right?
53:13
But you have to shine through. So just light your own path.
53:16
Find your icky guy, find your reason for being, and that's
53:21
going to take you to the next level and then the next level
53:24
and then the next level. But it starts with you lighting
53:27
your own path. And don't let nobody, don't let
53:30
anybody be the person that dims it for you.
53:35
You know, again, there will always be darkness, but if
53:38
you're the one lighting your path, the darkness is going to
53:41
be behind you always because you're holding the torch in
53:43
front of you. Yes, no, that's, that's really
53:46
awesome. I, I think we need that more
53:49
that energy, that positive energy in this world, especially
53:52
with all the things that are going on in the world as we
53:55
know. And you know, and for us, we're
53:57
veterans. We know first hand, you know
54:01
what, what the consequences are whenever you know, our country
54:05
gets into certain things. But we all want peace.
54:08
First, second and third hand, yes, yes, it's somebody else's
54:14
hand because we only have two, so.
54:15
I know, right? Right, Right.
54:18
I had one more comment from somebody and it was from the
54:21
Lounge King and he has said as leaders we should always strive
54:25
to stay grounded. Absolute knowledge of our roles
54:28
and respect for everyone. Absolutely.
54:29
They're absolutely, you know. Staying grounded is very
54:33
important because sometimes you can get on the high horse,
54:37
right. So you have to be able to, you
54:39
have to know again, knowing yourself enough to know like
54:42
having that, being self aware, you know, they're like when
54:47
you're getting a little bit ahead of yourself, smelling
54:49
yourself a little too much. Yeah, yeah.
54:52
Yeah, I need to say that. And then having people in your
54:54
corner that aren't afraid to tell you, hey, yeah, you, I know
55:01
you up here. I'm gonna need you to bring it
55:03
down like 2 nights, right? To level the playing field a
55:06
little. Bit I'll never forget when I was
55:08
in General Sinseki, he said. Soldiering is an affair of the
55:12
heart, you know, you got to love your soldiers, you know, in a
55:15
tough love kind of way. You hear them, you know, and one
55:20
of my, one of the things that I love when I was in ROTC, first
55:24
of all, was when I was in charge of troops, sending that E4 to
55:28
the board, you know, and then, Oh my God, and you helped in
55:31
shaping that, that soldier, that leader.
55:34
And it's, that's always one of my best thing.
55:37
And now with a lot of my lieutenants who are now
55:40
colonels, and they call me back and they say, hey, Jose, you
55:44
were right, you know, you were right.
55:46
You know, just take care of your people and they'll take care of
55:49
you. Give them the leadership they
55:50
need. That's all you got to do.
55:54
Yes. Yes.
55:55
I had a situation like that myself.
55:58
Yes mate. So what's what's next for you?
56:00
Before I let you go, what is the next thing you got coming up?
56:03
I know you mentioned a little bit about, but what's coming up
56:06
for you next? Next, I am trying to work, well,
56:11
not I, but we're trying to reconvene because I sit on our
56:15
congressman's military Advisory Board out here.
56:18
We're trying to congregate again so that we can get some things
56:23
moving, maybe get some bills passed as it as it is to
56:28
veterans. I am also working on a board for
56:34
Helping Ourselves to Transform, who is currently in the midst of
56:39
revamping. It's the way it's organized, but
56:43
it's a social, social justice platform where Doctor Carmen
56:52
Johnson is doing a lot of work in the community trying to help
56:56
people who are behind the gates or behind the wall as far as
57:01
jail with reform, tax reform in the state of Maryland.
57:05
So we have some things that are working there with getting some
57:09
tax bills passed. We also have working with women
57:16
that are incarcerated, trying to provide them, which is
57:19
wrongfully incarcerated, trying to get their sentences reduced
57:23
and things of that nature. So just a couple of things that
57:26
are happening with the military Advisory Board and the helping
57:30
ourselves to transform boards that I sit on.
57:32
But as far as candidly and said I will be dropping a you have to
57:37
you have to sign up on candidly and said to know who's going to
57:41
drop, but I'm going to be dropping a leadership course.
57:45
So please come out support and we'll see where it takes us.
57:50
See. You.
57:51
Got It's a government procurement.
57:53
That too. OK, see, I'm going to sign up
57:57
because I, you know what? I, I, I, I agree with you.
58:01
And, you know, we got to teach each other and help each other
58:04
out. I'm all about that.
58:06
And yes, no gatekeeping, no gatekeeping.
58:09
No gatekeeping. You're right.
58:11
Yeah, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm totally down with that, you know, and in
58:14
the end, we're all human beings and helping each other, you
58:17
know, we're we're we're on this earth for a certain amount of
58:20
time. Let's make the best of it and
58:23
give, you know, so I want to say thank you for and I'm going to
58:26
have you back on the show, especially once these bills pass
58:28
and all that. And I see you with Oprah said,
58:30
wait a minute. I knew her.
58:32
I knew her right up in here. And I'll be saying you're kind
58:36
of like, who's that bald guy? Excuse me?
58:38
That's OK. Let him in, let him in.
58:41
Let him in security, but no, I I want to I want to say thank you
58:45
for being here and I know a lot of people have enjoyed it and I
58:49
will be reaching out because girl, you got to team up that
58:51
Canva that Canva just because I want.
58:54
To help you out, I'll help you out I.
58:56
Got you. No, no, but thank you so much.
58:58
Let me see if we have any last minute questions before then.
59:01
And I don't think I think we've answered all of them.
59:04
But ladies and gentlemen, I want to say thank you for for being
59:07
on the show and and posing your question and just watch it.
59:10
You never know, you know, I always say you never know whose
59:13
roof is leaking unless you live there.
59:15
Help somebody out, right? That's right.
59:20
HBO. Help a brother.
59:21
OK. Yeah.
59:21
Help HSO. OK, OK.
59:23
We got it. We got it.
59:24
But I want to say it's been it's been great.
59:28
Thank you so much. I appreciate it.
59:30
See you. Thank you.
59:31
For having me, I really appreciate it.
59:33
No, it was, it was fun. It was fun.
59:35
And I think the audience liked it too, you know?
59:37
And the thing with the fur babies, well I got 2 golden but
59:40
that's I love my guys. Listen, them dogs, I'm telling
59:44
you, if my friend, if I mention dogs around my friend named like
59:47
Zamara, no. We're done with that.
59:52
All right. Well, I want to say good night.
59:54
Thank you. Thank you, Z we'll be in touch.
59:56
And ladies and gentlemen, thank you for being here and always
1:00:00
supporting MBR. Good night, everybody.
1:00:02
Thank. You all.
1:00:04
Right, Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for tuning in to
1:00:09
Military Broadcast Radio. As we wrap up today's show, we
1:00:14
want to remind you that the podcast of today's episode will
1:00:18
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1:00:21
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