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Taking Small Steps to Overcome Social Anxiety · RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Today's episode is produced by my friends at Walk West.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_01: If you're looking to grow your brand and generate leads through podcast or video production, head over to walkwest.com.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, let's start the show.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: From emotional intelligence through cognitive distortions, certified life and wellness coach Comedy Wood is on a mission to help people see the magnificence of their own unique human spirit.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Through these small bites of self-visation and self-confidence, you can have healthy relationships, success in business and career, and live the life you want to live.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_02: Hi there, and welcome back to another episode of Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_02: Whether it's morning, afternoon, or evening, thank you for taking your time to spend here with me.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_01: And today I wanted to talk about a topic that seems to be coming up in various conversations that I'm having with my clients, irregardless of age, whether I'm talking to teenagers or mature adults, and that's really around social anxiety.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_01: The truth is, social anxiety does not have to control your life and it does not have to keep you from interacting with others, but it's really important for us to just start having these conversations so that we can become more aware of the things that might be holding us back from actually interacting with people and really putting ourselves out there and connecting with people on a deeper level.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_01: So, what do we really mean when we are talking about social anxiety?
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_01: Really, at its core, social anxiety is uh the internal fear of being judged, criticized, ridiculed, rejected, and maybe even abandoned.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's really almost as if you've got this constant spotlight where you feel like everybody is watching your every move and they're analyzing every word that you say.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_01: And they're almost, it's almost like this internal part of you that's thinking and believing that people are waiting for you to slip up or people are waiting for an opportunity to kind of say there's something wrong with you.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_01: But the truth is most of the time people really aren't even focused on you at all because they're actually wrapped up in their own story and what's going on in their own life.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_01: Social anxiety, though, does make us feel like we have to be perfect.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_01: And anything less than perfection is going to lead to embarrassment and this idea of rejection and being kind of cast aside.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_01: And if we think about we as humans, if we go back thousands of years ago, those uh those individuals that were cast out of the tribe generally it led to their demise because if you weren't part of the group, you it was very difficult to survive on your own.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_01: And so there's that almost innate reptilian type need for survival that wants us to have that connection, but then so fearful of being rejected.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_01: That's what we're really referring to when we're talking about social anxiety is this idea that if we're not perfect, people are going to reject us.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_01: And if we're rejected, then somehow it means that I'm not gonna survive or be okay.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_01: So the one of the again, one of the biggest drivers of social anxiety is that fear of rejection, that fear of being cast out, that fear of not being accepted, not belonging.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_01: And so it keeps us from maybe speaking up in a group or it keeps us from interacting with new people and wants to keep us within what is known and what we would refer to as the comfort zone of what we know.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_01: So the next time that you fear, you feel fear creeping in, or this idea of I can't put myself out there, you could even just start asking yourself the question, okay, even if I do this, what's the worst possible thing that could happen here?
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_01: And and then you kind of go down the path of, okay, that's the worst possible thing, you name it.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_01: And then you ask yourself, and you know, and will I still be okay?
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_01: Will I still survive?
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_01: What would I do next?
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_01: And most often you're gonna come up with the answer of, well, even if these people don't like me or they ridicule me or push me aside, I'm still gonna be okay.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_01: And I will then find other people or I will figure out a way to connect with others.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_01: Most often the fear is bigger in our own minds.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_01: So one of the most effective ways that we can actually start working through social anxiety is to take small, consistent steps uh forward.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_01: So instead of maybe um jumping in and going into a huge group of new people and just putting yourself out there in front of the whole group, maybe you go into a situation and you take a small step to meet one or two people and build your confidence that way.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_01: So instead of just taking this huge leap, we take smaller steps and we create wins within those smaller steps.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_01: And those smaller steps will then compound to create this idea and this belief about self that you can actually meet new people and you will have the ability, you have the innate ability to make conversation with people that you don't know, even if um it feels scary at first.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_01: The other thing that we can do too is start to reframe the negative thoughts.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_01: So while we can take smaller steps of breaking down the larger thing that we're afraid of, we can also start looking at those thoughts and really naming those thoughts out loud, calling yourself out for saying, wow, there's a part of me that's having a thought that I'm gonna say something stupid, or there's a thought that uh here's the thought that everybody at this party is gonna be judging me.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_01: And instead, we can ask ourselves, well, do I actually know that to be true?
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_01: Is this based on fact, or is this based on a fear or a story or a narrative that I'm telling myself?
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_01: Because once you've identified that the thought isn't actually based on fact, it's based on a story, you can start to shift that and to give it give yourself room to create space for another accessible thought.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_01: So if the thought is everyone's gonna be judging me, and we ask ourselves, well, is this actually true?
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_01: Is this based on fact?
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_01: Well, no, actually, I have no idea what they're thinking about.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe the accessible thought is, I really have no idea what they're gonna be thinking about.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_01: Or maybe it's these people, most of these people are probably gonna be thinking about what's going on in their own life.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_01: And then we put our focus on that rather than the focus on the unhelpful self-critical thought.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_01: And then, of course, and you guys know this about me by now, that I self-compassion is a huge part of how we can start working through uh social anxiety.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_01: I'm a big proponent of self-compassion.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_01: It's something that I did not practice with myself for a very long time and still have to catch myself and reel myself back in and lean into kindness over judgment.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_01: But social anxiety thrives on self-criticism, it thrives on there's something wrong with me.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_01: So instead, if we flip that around and we and instead of judging ourselves, we're kind to ourselves.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_01: And if it's really difficult to be kind to yourself, put a loved one in that situation.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_01: You know, ask yourself, fair parent, what would I say to my child here?
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_01: And offer yourself that same kindness.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_01: And if you're not a parent, maybe it's a loved one or a really good friend, what would I say to them in this situation?
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_01: Would I tell them that they're being silly or ridiculous?
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_01: No, I would be kind and compassionate and I would say, wow, you know, this is really scary to put yourself out there.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_01: But you know what, you do have really interesting things to share.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_01: You do have parts of yourself that are really lovable and you have these qualities and interests that would be amazing if you would share them with other people.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_01: That type of compassion that you would offer to somebody else, you turn it and offer it to yourself.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_01: And as you do that, it allows room for you to work through the anxiety that might be rising as you're putting yourself out there into new situations.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_01: And then also practicing mindfulness and grounding when you are putting yourself into a situation that is new and feels uncomfortable and there's a lot of fear.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes it's just really helpful to come back to the present moment because when we think about social anxiety, we're so afraid of what could happen.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_01: Really, what we're doing is we are living in the future.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_01: We're living into what could happen.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_01: And instead, if we dial it back into, okay, what's happening in my present moment?
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_01: Well, in the present moment, I'm about to enter into a room filled with people.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_01: Let me just take a deep breath.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_01: Let me take in this moment, you know, use those five senses of yours, tap into what the five senses are experiencing.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_01: What do you see?
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  SPEAKER_01: What do you hear?
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_01: What do you smell?
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_01: Come back to this exact moment, get connected with your own self, and then take that small step, walk into that room and connect with one or two people instead of feeling like you have to connect with everybody in the room.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_01: And it's so important to remember that as you're working through social anxiety, it's not about shaming yourself and saying this is wrong with you.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_01: And instead, it's about giving yourself time, grace to work through it.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_01: It's not about doing it perfectly.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_01: It is about taking your time with it, recognizing that, you know, the whole point of connection is to have authentic real connection with people.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_01: It's not just connection and namesake only.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_01: So maybe you're gonna put yourself out there and you're gonna not connect with certain people in one instance.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_01: And that doesn't mean that you are not capable of doing it.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_01: It could just mean that those aren't your people.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_01: And that's okay, we try again.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_01: If anxiety is something that you have been working through and really would like some support with and wanting to understand how coaching could actually help you do that, if you'd like to schedule time to talk with me, by all means, feel free to contact me through coachwithcomedy.com.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_01: And until next time, stay well.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening to Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: For more information, book a chat with comedy at www.chatwithcomedy.com or visit her website at www.comedywood.com.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: You can also find comedy on Facebook or Instagram.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: Username It's Authentic Me.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening.