Latest / The Group Chat / Ep. 3 Follow Your Heart

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Ep. 3 Follow Your Heart · The Group Chat

• speaker-0: I don't know if you guys dated any other Spanish women before you dated your partners, so I don't know your experiences, but do you guys think that in general dating somebody from the States versus dating somebody from Spain is a very different experience? speaker-1: Hey everybody, I'm Carson. speaker-0: I'm Paulina. speaker-2: and I'm Brandon. speaker-1: And welcome to our show tonight. So today we're going to be talking about relationships. Now we all got here to Spain somehow, one way or another, and we want to talk a little bit about what's keeping us here. And of course, those are the people in our lives, the people we care about the most, people we love. So let's get into it. How's it going, guys? speaker-2: Not too bad. Yourself? speaker-1: Chillin'. Right on. Love those glasses, by the way. speaker-2: Not the greatest glasses. I can't really see you, but... I'm putting on for the show. speaker-1: To be seen. So, yeah, we let's first start by saying, I mean, I've been in Spain for going on seven years. It'll be seven years this September. How about you guys? How long exactly? speaker-0: I I've been the shortest amount of time from the three of us. think I moved in 2021. So five years, 2021 I think it was or 2020. don't know, five or six years at this point. I lost count. When you're in love, you lose count. speaker-2: Oh, I think I'm coming up on 17 or 18 years. speaker-1: What? think you've told me, you must have told me 10 times, but every time I'm just like, what? speaker-2: No, me too. I have that same reaction. speaker-1: 1718 and you you and yours Brandon how long you been together? speaker-2: This year will be 15 years. Long time. speaker-0: EEEE speaker-1: ⁓ they know. You all been together the whole time you've been here or before? speaker-0: Before we met in 2018. So what is that now? Like eight years, seven years? I don't know. I'm not good at math. So around there. speaker-1: That's for sure. That's how long I've known my wife as well since 2018. We met over there in the US and then here we are. We ended up in Spain on the other side of the world somehow. speaker-0: What about you, Brendan? speaker-2: Interesting. What do we mean? speaker-0: Yeah, how did you guys meet? Or like, not how maybe, maybe you don't want to go into that but... speaker-2: No, We, ⁓ so when I first came here, believe Carson, you came as a XLR, a conversación. Paulina, you didn't do that program, did you? Or, okay. So yeah, so basically it is you come and you're in, ⁓ you work in the high schools and you teach, well, you help teach English to the students. And my second year I did it, ⁓ was in the school, Nourdi and I were in the same school. So that's how we met. speaker-1: The second year. speaker-2: The first year we actually, we were in the same city. We were in the same town, but she was in a different school and she was only there for, think maybe a month or two. So we never crossed paths. And then I went back to the U S for a whole year. Then I came back and we were in the same school. speaker-1: What are the chances? speaker-2: been here since. speaker-1: I was wondering, was like, man, he's going for a record here. ⁓ speaker-2: Yeah, everything's weird. can't see anything. But yeah, that's a little story of how we met and well, it's kind of crazy, but yeah. A guy from Tennessee getting sent to this little no-name town in the corner of Murcia. speaker-1: For sure. sure. Bolin, how about you? Well... speaker-0: It is more of a modern love story, I would say, because we met through Tinder. And it was mainly because it's a long story, but let me sort of like compact it a little bit. I moved to Poland in 2018. Yeah, it was 2018. And I was sort of just dating around, whatever, living my life and... It was in 2019 I met Tony. I always get it confused because it was February. So it's like right on the edge of like 2018, 2019. So I met him because I was one day decided that I want to do my Tinder account again and try that once again. I pretty much just swiped right on him and he swiped right on me and I was like, okay, we should meet up. I don't feel like talking on Tinder. And he came over to my house and pretty much from there we were like inseparable. So. speaker-1: Right on. Yeah, we, Maria and I also met on Tinder. It was Tinder, ⁓ in the U S and so same idea, kind of like, all right, you look interesting. I was like, do you look like you could be foreign? I'm into that. and she's tall and I'm freakishly tall. So. Let's see what happens. We went on our first date, we had brunch and the rest is history. Yeah. We just, like you said, inseparable. We went from spending time on the weekends to, hey, ⁓ I'm going back to Spain. I was like, well, I'm not really done here. you? And so to speak, like, no, we just continue this journey together in Spain. I remember I visited the next year because she had left in the fall of No, sorry. She had left in the spring of 2019. I visited Spain for the first time that summer. I was like, this place is pretty cool. I was here for about eight days. I was like, I think, I think I could try it out. So I remember she was like, you know, opening up to me and like we were having like a good time together for that week. But I was like, there's something she wants to tell me. I don't know what's going on. And she was like, yeah, I think, I think I want to stay in Spain. was like, yeah, I had a feeling it was something like that. told her I had a feeling it was something like that. You just, you were afraid to talk to me about it. I was like, you know what? I'm up for the adventure. Let's go for it. Um, I already had the job lined up as an auxiliar de conversación de inglés because we didn't know if we were going to be in the U S or we were going to be in Spain. So as, as like a backup, I was like, Hey, I already have a job. Let me just sell all my stuff. I'll get out of my apartment. I'll be over there as soon as I can. So I came September and Welcome to Spain. Welcome to your world upside down and not in a bad way, of course, but we'll get into all that. I'm sure. So, yeah. speaker-0: So you knew sort of from the beginning that, or like very early on that you'll want to live here in Spain. speaker-1: I mean, not like, think I only decided it must've been July. I decided only two or three months before actually moving here. had not really had that long chat. It was kind of like, we had married, we had married in the U S so it was always like, we're going to live in the U S. And then, and then I just wasn't getting that vibe from her. And I was like, all right, let me see what's going on. That's when we had that chat. We were in Madrid. I was like a day or two before I left, maybe even the night before. I was like, you know what, if you're up for it, I am. Let's let me just, I'll just move here. I'm inviting myself to your country. Okay. How about that? Let me just, it was, yeah. I mean, essentially I was, that's how it went. And she was like, cool. Wow. Amazing. I'm really surprised. I was like, yeah. Well, just tell me what you're thinking next time. And that's, that's how it evolves, you know, and, big, big, uh, big change. Unlike anything I've ever done. mean, I'd only spend a little bit of time in Europe on vacations with family, you know, a week at a time. Of course I loved it being so different from the U S and just how open and I don't know. Like you can just tell the vibe, the vibes are different. The energy is different. There's so much more history. The cities just have a bit more character. It feels in some, in some ways not to bash on American cities. Cause we have our things too, but, ⁓ but yeah, so I was like, shh, that sounds fun. Adventure time. Let's go. speaker-2: Years later, well, here we are. speaker-0: Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I was asking about if you knew from early on because for example with Tony and I was very like, I think it's also because we're, I don't know how old you guys were when you all met, but we were still quite young. I think I was about 22, 23. Tony is three years older, so he was about 26. So I mean, for Spanish standards, that's very young too. be in a serious relationship, so to say. But we're going to get into that. Yeah, with Tony, it was like a very, are we actually going to do this long distance? Because I was planning to stay in Poland. As I was planning to do my university, I wanted to do my master's degree there. That's sort of like the main reason also why I moved to Poland because university is really expensive in the States. So that sort of like was a very topic that sort of we would try to talk about, but also avoid it at the same time. Because when you meet in February and then he was leaving in June, towards the end of June, that doesn't give you that much time to really get to know a person. Like, yes, but at the same time, it's like, okay, if he's going to move back to his country, he has a job already lined up and I'm going to go. and study here for two years, are we actually going to do long distance? What's going to happen? So it was one of those weird sort of like, we really knew we cared about each other, but we sort of felt like there was like a deadline for this relationship. So we're thinking like, okay, June is going to come around, it's going to be very difficult. But then June came around and we sort of really started to feel like, oh my God, like, do we actually want this to be over? I feel like I met my person. And we decided that, well, I'm going to continue studying in Poland. I'm going to start my university in October. Yeah, it was October that I was starting university. And in September I would go and visit. And that's what happened. In September I came to Alicante, I visited my partner. I stayed here about, I it was 10 days or something. And that's where I knew. I was like, okay, I think... this is where I would actually like to live, you know, to sort of like settle down. And I knew that I wouldn't live forever in Poland. That's something that in the back of my mind, I was like, I'm not going to be here for the rest of my life. So I was very open to sort of like moving. I pretty much knew that like, it would be me moving to Spain, not him moving to Poland for the fact that he already had a job that I was. looking for some sort of job, you know, I had a part-time job in Poland, but it wasn't anything that it was that serious. I would, you know, feel like bad leaving or whatever. So we sort of took the decision. Okay. Once I'm done with my degree, I'm going to move to Spain and here I am. With the crazy loud neighbors that, you know, like. speaker-1: Brandon is all about some loud neighbors, doesn't he? speaker-2: Spain, that's Spain. Right now it's actually quiet here. But my story is a little bit similar to yours, Paulina. I always knew that I wanted to spend two years here in Spain. So I did my first year, then I went back to the U S and then I came back and Nudia and I, Nudia and I started dating in May and in June I left. I went back to the U S. And so we was there kind of like that moment is like, what's going to happen? Like, is that it or whatever? So I went back to the U S and I was applied for a few jobs and I got a job at a school here. And then, I came back in September and I've been here since. Cool. That was yeah. 2011. speaker-0: No. Hmph. High fives. speaker-1: Yeah, I want to say is she that Maria moved back to Spain. We got married in May. She left to be back in Spain sometime that June. And during this time I was just applying for that job, the auxiliar job. And we were just talking, talking. And I guess it was kind of an unspoken thing, like kind of similar to what you said, Paulina, like not like a deadline, but kind of like, ⁓ We're to have to make a decision soon. Like what to do, you know, that we weren't really addressing it. We were still in the kind of the honeymoon phase of the, of the relationship and, everything was great. And we didn't want to talk about the hard things and it's just normal. Right. ⁓ but then, yeah, ⁓ it came to Spain and the truth came out the truth about how we were feeling and, ⁓ and then, yeah, making that decision wasn't so hard. It was just kind of having the conversation. The decision was already there. We knew we wanted to be together. That's why we got married in the first place, obviously, but, ⁓ you know, to stay together and be starting something new in a new place. ⁓ yeah, it was a little scary. I I mean, I think the excitement overwhelmed the level of fear at that point that I wasn't so shocked. think the shock came in later, like the initial shock, but then maybe the first two or three months of being here. then the longer lasting initial shock of the first one or two, or maybe even three years of being in Spain. It's like, it came in waves where you just realized like, Where the ffff am I right now? I thought this was a normal place. No, I'm kidding. Of course it's a normal place. It's just, wow. Lots, lots, lots of different things here. Yeah. For sure. speaker-2: I think it's funny that you all, both of you all met your partners on Tinder. Since I'm the OG uncle of the podcast. When Nurdie and I started talking, that's like right when WhatsApp was started. We didn't have any way to kind of communicate when I went back to the U.S. And she was like, oh, there's this new app called WhatsApp. And obviously I couldn't get into the U.S. I was trying to download it. I like, I didn't know what it was. didn't, but there was no way we were actually, just like. sending emails back and forth. I'm old. ⁓ speaker-1: Nah man, you're vintage. speaker-2: Old school, but yeah, that's how we had to communicate. then right when I came back, that's when like the whole, everyone had WhatsApp and that's how everyone started communicating. But yeah, I've been around for a while. speaker-0: You speaker-1: That's cool. speaker-0: So, Brighton, you and Nulia also had to do long distance and Carson and you, Am I as well or no? speaker-1: Yeah, well, for less than six months, I want to say it was like six months. speaker-2: Yeah, for me, was, it was just a summer months. was that June and July, well June, July and August and September I was back. So yeah, about three and a half months. speaker-1: And you probably know how long was the long distance. speaker-0: about two years. speaker-1: Shit. speaker-0: I mean, and it was the worst of the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Laugh it out. Yeah. Um, but no, mean, it was two years, but it was sort of flying back and forth because I would go, for example, in September, I would come visit and then Tony would come visit. don't know, let's say December or January. So we had like our time where we would, you know, fly back and forth, but then COVID hit. And with COVID, it was a lot more. difficult to actually travel anywhere. You couldn't really travel anywhere. So we would have date nights on like a Zoom meeting or whatever on Discord and watch movies together and things like that, you know, because how else could we actually still, you know, keep the romance type of thing while not being able to see each other for, I don't know, more than six or seven or eight months. speaker-1: Yeah. It's a long time. speaker-0: That is a long. Yeah. No, I, I forgot. I know that long distance. Like, I don't know if like your families or your like friends looked at you funny. Like. speaker-2: Thank speaker-1: ⁓ I'm sure. I'm sure they more than looked at me funny. I'm sure they talked about me funny too. I like what the, ⁓ it's another, another one of Carson's adventures. Let's see how long this one sticks. One of your ideas, one of your great ideas turns out to be one of the best ideas I've ever had. you never know. You just gotta keep trying them out. guess the idea is the idea. Yeah. speaker-2: . That's a big one. speaker-0: Brandon, what about you? speaker-2: In what? Sorry. I got lost for a second. speaker-0: Did your friends and family sort of look at you funny? I mean it wasn't too long like a long distance speaker-2: No for me no because my whole issue with the family friends looking at me weird is that because I was in Spain before So the whole relationship issue wasn't this guy's where what are you doing? It's a whole leaving the US to come to Spain That's when that that's when I got all those looks as far as relationship It was just it was about to happen at some point if I was here. Would you say Carson started? speaker-1: Leaving. You said all the looks and talk was about you leaving the US. Yeah. speaker-2: Exactly. Yeah. So when I came, so first came to study abroad and then to work, then I went back again, back to the US and came back again to work. then it was more like, yeah, eventually he's not going to come back. And yeah, that happened. Even though my mom up until a couple of years ago, she still had that little bit of faith that I would come back. speaker-1: I think moms are like that. think my mom would definitely say something like that. If you got her to tell the truth, it would be like, I was holding out thinking, you you guys would move here. mean, I hope you, I hope you two eventually consider moving here. think she even said that a few times, but now it's more like, you know, you guys could always move back. I know she wouldn't say it anymore because she knows that we're not, we don't have an interest at the moment. ⁓ We're very happy in Spain. mean, there's so many pros and cons, of course, to living anywhere, but. We don't ever talk seriously about moving back to the US. I mean, it could be something in the future, but right now it's off the table. It's not even a conversation. Thank you. speaker-2: Just breaking our mom's heart. speaker-0: Yeah, my mom has a completely different opinion on this. speaker-1: Sheriff to Sheriff speaker-0: I think it's just that my mom knew that I was not planning to stay in Poland. She knew that I was flying back pretty much to do my studies, but I was also looking at universities in the UK and France. So she was like, I know you're not going to study in Poland. know you're not going to stay in Poland. You're just going to Poland to go to Poland and sort of like, sort your life out from there. I mean, on one hand she was right. So for her, like seeing that I met a guy who was Spanish. which I think that sort of surprised her a little bit, you know, because she, I think a part of her hoped that I was going to end up with a Polish Catholic man. But ⁓ then she met Tony and she was like, ⁓ no, he's very lovely. Like he's, he's a really nice guy, you know? ⁓ But I think a part of her was also a little bit like, you know, because Spanish men also have a reputation in Poland. So she was a little bit like, just don't get your, you know, heartbroken, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, mom, have you seen Tony? He's like, like the most chill, like normal looking person that you can, I mean, I love the man to death, but like he's, he's Tony. Like, that's it. Like you guys know him. He's little guy, you know? speaker-1: Yeah, he's genuine. He tells you, he shows you who he is and like, you just get this good feeling, you know, when you're around him, like you can see how like he's an authentic person and obviously he could tell how much he loves you. speaker-0: So yeah, so my mom later on after she met her, was like, hope you guys are happy. Like, can you do your thing? She knew that was going to move to Spain. So for her it was like, I'm not going to hold you like back, like go do your thing. But I think that's also because, you know, my mom lives in Poland now, like my family lives in Poland versus for you guys where your family lives in the States. It is a larger distance, you know, like you guys don't have them like a three flight, you know, three hour flight away. It's eight hours, 10 hours. or more? speaker-1: True, still, I mean, I'm sure Mom misses you. speaker-2: Always, always. speaker-0: Of course. speaker-1: I don't know about you guys, but my mom comes to Spain at least once a year. Well, she loves it. So I mean, between me going there and her coming here, we see each other once or twice every year. And I mean, we know we're both really fortunate to be able to do that. So not everybody would be in that situation. I mean, I don't know about you too. know Brandon, you saw your family recently. speaker-2: Yeah, we went in East. speaker-1: Alina, you see your family on the holidays? You went on Easter, you said? Yeah. That was really recent. speaker-0: Yeah, no, I see my family as well. mean, we usually fly over there for Christmas and summer. This year was a little bit different. We only went there for summer because my family came here. Well, my niece and her partner came here for the summer holidays. So we went there for winter, for Christmas holidays. But generally, yeah, we see each other at least two or three times a year. feel like that's enough. That's enough of family time. Love them, but enough. Ahem. speaker-2: Now we have the Spanish families. speaker-0: Bye now. speaker-1: Yeah, let's get into that. Let's get into the meat. Paulina, you found that article that was really, really useful for this conversation we're having. The first one I checked off was the splitting the cost of going out. think that's maybe something to be mentioned. Like I feel like it's mentioned in there that typically in the U S the man is expected to pay, especially on the first date or the first few dates or something like that. But it does seem a little bit more like let's split it. Like no big deal. It's less of a thing, know, less of a stigma. What do you, what is, what are y'all's experiences? speaker-2: Go ahead Paulina. speaker-0: You can start. Let me thank Paula for a moment because I've had a lot of experiences here. speaker-2: Okay. I was being a gentleman. once again, going back to when Nurti and I were dating, American mindset, I always paid. But of course, like you, like you just said, like they, they, they try to pay. It's a lot more than I guess it would happen in the U S and even now after all these years, like we go out for dinner, like we take terms of paying or like we still, it's like, okay, we're not. We don't go and buy something or go for dinner and say, okay, well you pay half and I pay half. No, it's like, I'll pay this one and you pay the next one and go back and forth like that. It's not like, you always have to pay or this person pays or anything. speaker-1: Right. Yeah, it's a little different with family too. speaker-0: Yeah, I've, I had very mixed experiences with that because I had, well, mixed experiences in the States, for example. As Carson said, like you're sort of expected if you're a guy to sort of pay, right? ⁓ I would always bring my wallet. I'm not one of those people that, you know, I go on a date. I'm like, yeah, you pay for me. No. ⁓ But I had guys, you know, that would talk to me or having this conversation. And he tells me how he's working like three jobs, some something crazy, whatever, you know. that he's like, ⁓ yeah, I just had this weekend off. That's why we're meeting up because blah, He's working like three jobs to afford the freaking rent or whatever. And then he's like willing to pay. mean, I'm like, bro, it's fine. Like I can pay for my own house. No, no, no, no, I'm paying. And for me, like that's a little like, I respect it, but it's a bit much. It's not necessary. Like if I'm willing to split the bill, if we're having a great time, we're going to meet up for another date. we can split the bill, it's not a problem. So I found that sort of transition of like living here and you know, people being more willing to split the bill ⁓ to be like something more comfortable, at least for me. ⁓ Because I'm not a person that likes when people pay for my things, necessarily. ⁓ I don't know if that's just because that's the way I was raised, you know, but... Even with my partner now, Tony, same idea as Brandon said, one day he pays for the groceries, another day I'll get something or whatever, to sort of even it out rather than just, I'll be sending you this, I'll send you the money for this. Of course, sometimes if it's a bigger thing, yeah, we'll do a little bit of a transaction and send it him, but generally it's more split in half, where I feel like in the States, was a lot more like the man is expected to pay for everything. And I don't love that. speaker-1: You said something interesting just now about, ⁓ that you don't like when people pay for your things. That kind of makes me feel like maybe that's part of the motivation for, for men in general in the U S wanting to pay is that they feel like it's, mean, I hate to say it. It's kind of like a power move. It's like, here's my money. Here's my power. I'm using, you know, I don't want you to pay for me because then it makes me look weak if I can't afford or ask you to split it. But it is kind of a silly unspoken thing, but maybe, maybe you're onto something there. I don't know. Just maybe think of that. speaker-0: That's sort of what I see it as. Like, I almost see it as like a weird dirty transaction because I feel like, I don't know, maybe it's just my weird mind that like has a little alarm bells when the man is like, yeah, I've been working three jobs, blah, blah, blah. And like, I'm trying to, I'm like struggling to pay my rent, but then he's actually paying for, I don't know, a full course, like three course meal. And I'm like, what do you expect in return? know, it's like, win-win, you know? speaker-2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. speaker-0: And it just comes off a little bit like, I prefer to play no, no, no lady doesn't pay. it's like, bro, yes, I'm a lady, but like, am I that much of a lady that you have to pay for me? speaker-1: I see your point. Yeah, that's true. It's kind of like, well, I think I could think of some ways to repay you. what do you snow? Just let me pay. Let me pay my partner. It's cool, man. Like we're at this point, we're not even friends. Like we're just getting to know each other. so it is a little weird, but yeah, it's like the chivalry type of power play. You know, not even like consciously. think it's just built into our psyche. I think it's built in as an American. ⁓ And maybe it's that way in other countries as well. can't, I can't speak to that, but yeah, interesting, interesting point for sure. speaker-0: And to add on to that, like, since we're talking about like, you know, these guys working three jobs and paying rent or whatever, I've noticed, I mean, I've dated a lot of people in the States, let's just put it there. ⁓ And a lot of the guys are ready by the age of let's say, 18, 19, 20, well, ⁓ I would say 19, 20 already moved out of their house. Like, they will work their butts off. to actually leave the house. And we're talking about like living in New York. I mean, yeah, very often they shared the apartment with like two other roommates or whatever, but at the same time, like they didn't live at their mama's place. In Spain. Yeah. ⁓ speaker-2: Point number two from the article. speaker-1: So a very close home connection and not leaving home until the weather is perfect, the birds are singing, there's money in the bank account, I finished college. And it just seems like a good day to leave the house. It could be in your thirties if you're in Spain, right? I mean, it could be late, late twenties, thirties. It's not a thing. It's not, it's not bad. Kind of normal for some people. mean, for, not for everybody, obviously we don't want to generalize too much, but it seems a little more acceptable, a little more common. Let's stay at home longer. And it's not, it's not frowned upon. speaker-2: So here they stay, I think usually women leave around 28 or 29 and the guys leave 30, 32. speaker-1: Wow. You just add 10, 10 to 15 years on top of what's common for an American, essentially. That's, well, it's pretty big difference. mean, like, how do you, how do you think that affects adults? And within the, like in those years, I don't know, those are still like, I don't know, can't use the term formative years, but like your early adulthood is, you know, 18 to 25 towards your late twenties, you starting to like really know what it means to be an adult. speaker-2: It's completely different. Cause you don't have that struggle. Like Pauline was just saying, like you're going out your work and you're hustling to live by yourself or not by yourself, but not at your parents' house. Even though you have roommates, I'm pretty sure you probably did the same thing Carson and I did when I was in college. And after college, you live with roommates, but you worked your job, you went to school, we did everything. And it just prepared you for life. then not to say that they're not prepared for life by living at home with their parents, but speaker-1: was that like? speaker-2: It's not the same when you have that Spanish mother that's here doing your laundry, preparing your meals, making your bed, having everything done. And while you go to class or if you have a job, go to work. Some don't even have jobs, they just stay here playing us on the PlayStation. speaker-0: him. speaker-1: Well, that goes into like work culture as well, because we like, mean, in order for us obviously to move out at 18, we got to be working like, you know, you got to pay to play. then so just, I mean, without sidetracking too much, the job market in Spain versus job market in the U S. Like that makes a difference for sure. I mean, it influences a bit of this, this culture of staying at home longer. I mean, there just aren't as many jobs. and to pay to survive on your own, mean, a one bedroom or even in a multi-tenant flat or whatever you got, three, four five people, you're like, if you're in Madrid, mean, that can still cost you a pretty penny and salaries are not as high in Spain as they are in the US. So I think that probably factors in, guess, a little bit. So it's like, you can't blame anybody. It's just kind of the phenomenon that exists. speaker-0: Yeah, no, of course. I definitely agree with that, you know, but I don't know. I just do think it's a completely different mindset, you know, like, yeah, the job thing, of course, that's a big factor as well. But if people really wanted to live on their own, they could work two jobs. mean, plenty of people do that in the States, you know, like they work two jobs and or three jobs or whatever, little side gigs. whatever you want to do, like just to leave the house, just to not like be with your mom constantly, you know, especially if you're bringing people over, like that's a different level of like, I don't know. speaker-1: Is that a good thing though? Like doing all that just to have the money to be, to have your freedom. Like, that making like building character to the point where it's worth having that built into the society? mean. speaker-0: I think it definitely builds character. mean, was lucky enough to live with my parents until I was... Hold on, how old was I when I graduated from uni? Around 21? 21. So I was lucky enough to live with my parents. But I was still working. It doesn't mean that I wasn't working. I was studying and working. Just to have my own money for, I don't know, textbooks, my own money to go out. Like I wasn't asking my parents for money. Of course, yeah, they paid the rent, but I still had to make my own money for my own sort of like needs. Obviously later on when I moved to Poland, I was working two jobs. Just I was paying my rent. had money for trips and I was doing okay. I didn't have to ask anybody. Like I could have whoever I wanted over at any time I wanted it like. It's a very different level of like freedom. I personally think it's worth it. Like words to work that hard in order to have that level of like freedom, like. speaker-1: Or is what? worth it. mean, yeah, on the individual level, absolutely 100 % worth it. I mean, you wouldn't have it any other way. I mean, you're, you grow it up where you grow it up. And that's just, that's what you're raised to think raised to believe the work ethic that you have. mean, I'm grateful to my parents for that, especially my dad. ⁓ And it is worth it to have your freedom. ⁓ 100%. Yeah. ⁓ Just, Brandon, I want to know, like, did you When you, did you move out at 18? Like. speaker-2: Yeah, I went to a university, was like hour and a half, two hours away from where I lived. So I stayed on campus. when I was throughout university, stayed on campus. So yeah. speaker-1: Nice. On campus has its benefits for sure. No excuse is to miss classes. speaker-2: ⁓ I moved back in with my parents when I came back after my first year of living in Spain. So I came to work here for a year, then I went back to the U S and I live with my parents. And I think at that time I was maybe 24. It was strange at first after being out for so many years, because usually obviously go home for maybe a summer for a couple of weeks or a month or something. And that's it. But to come back and I was there for like almost a year, but it was. I mean, it was good. It was different. You adopted. My parents are cool, so it was all good. speaker-1: So you were, how old were you at that point when you moved out? speaker-2: Yeah, I think it was like 24. Yeah. speaker-1: ⁓ okay. Yeah, actually, it's funny because speaker-2: Yeah, 2009, so yeah, 2004. speaker-1: All right. I want to say I was like 22 or 23 when I moved back just temporarily to before finishing college. I finished the last year living at home. It just worked out better for me. I was closer to campus, fewer distractions. I can actually finish college. So yeah, that was really useful. Like useful timing, but yeah, before then I had my own place at several roommates at a hell of a time, but working two or three jobs. You know, just trying to have some spending money, cover rent, all those things, pay for whatever books. don't think, mean, you have the grants for that and stuff like that. Yeah. I mean, not earning a lot of money, independent, you know, that's, that's how we, that's how we grew up. you gotta make your own way. Like you can't, can't ask mommy and daddy for every little thing. Like it's okay every once in a while, you know, if you really need it, they're there for you. And I know that I have the best, I have the best mom in the world. Like she's. She's there for me more than I need her to be. Which I think is probably what every mom wants, would want their child to say. It's like, I mean, that love is so different, right? But yeah, back on the subject of Spanish moms, right? Preparing all the food for the whole family, the extended family, giving you tuppers, leftovers, like, that's just amazing, right? I love that part. speaker-2: Spanish family in general. It's a different vibe for sure. From our family, American families in general, for sure. speaker-1: Then two or three hours of remission. Ha ha ha. speaker-0: A bit too much for me. speaker-2: I can't do it. No. speaker-1: Huh? At first it was too much for me, now I cherish it. would say that I cherish it, yeah. Of course it depends, like certain friend group, so Remesa, still drives me crazy. But with family, two to two and a half, three hours is the absolute max. But like two to two and a half, really nice restaurant, the food keeps coming, drinks, you don't have to drive. speaker-2: I can't speaker-1: Like, ⁓ the flavors, the dessert, you know, there's no rush. It's just like, mean, I got into trouble the first few years I was here because I didn't know how to pace myself. The food hits the table and I'm just like, I'm going. And like in my house, I was always the human garbage disposal. ⁓ give it to your brother. I'll give it to Carson. I'll finish it. I love to eat. It's like my favorite thing to do. It's good thing I exercise because I would not be this thin. But sorry, I could go on and on. speaker-2: Wait, think what we need to clear up is that for maybe someone that doesn't know, Sobreme says that after you finish eating, so basically you just stay at the table and talk and drink. Talk some more. You drink some more. And it goes on for, as Carson said, like up to a couple hours, two, three hours. speaker-1: I like to nibble during that time so I don't eat too much at once. Like, oh, I get bored of this conversation or oh, the Spanish was over my head and I'm lost. Like I need a little mental break. I'll just eat something or get a drink or I don't know. I just try to survive the three hours. speaker-0: I have that experience today. ⁓ Sunday lunches! You guys know how it goes. ⁓ Yeah, we had a Sunday lunch. My uncle, well, my uncle, my partner's uncle, at this point it's my uncle, ⁓ he came by with his daughter and his grandkids and like whole freaking family. I think there was about like speaker-1: ⁓ yeah, today. speaker-0: 10 of us there, if not more. We're all sitting and eating and whatever and there's like the first platter, like the first place, then the second meal, then whatever, then desserts, then you want coffee, then we're just gonna sit here and talk about nothing. I'm like, oh my God, I can't, I'm tired of this. It's just, I'm not a person who can sit still. So like, I'll eat my food, you know, I'll get up, I'll walk around and like, I know people find that rude. I know that like they probably, but you know, I'll get up, I'll go clean the dishes a little bit, you know, I'll come back to the table, I'll sit with them, I'll have the dessert, whatever. Then I'll go for my little smoke break and I'll come back. ⁓ So I sort of try to avoid being at the table way too much because I don't really talk anyways. Like I just sit there and I'm like... Mm-hmm. Yeah. Okay. Like, I'm not as chatty as I am here. ⁓ Because what am I going to talk about to, you know, my partner's uncle? Like, what am I going to tell him? Like, yeah, how's the business going? How are, you know, the cryptos or whatever? Like, I don't know. What am I going to talk to him about? You know? ⁓ So I just feel a little bit like overwhelmed every time we have this Sunday lunch with like in a bigger speaker-2: for sure. speaker-0: sort of gathering because of course if it's just my in-laws and my brother-in-law and whatever, then it's fine. But if there is like so many of us, I get so like overwhelmed, antsy-pansy, I can't sit still and if I could skip it, I would skip it. speaker-1: Yeah. speaker-2: I would do the same. And I'm the same as you. the meal ends, I'm the one, I put in the plates away, clean them, put in the dishwashers. Like, ⁓ we want coffee? Well, I'll make coffee. It's like anything to not be seated. speaker-1: Yeah. I feel that. No, for sure. First of all, my family doesn't have Sunday weekly, you know, lunches. So, and honestly, like you both said, like if you're at home, you're in somebody's house, you have that freedom. Like you feel a little more comfortable. You get up, you go do something, stretch your legs, right? Because really like after sitting for so many hours, you're just like, I mean, none of us are any spring chickens over here. Like we got to get up and move, move these old bones. You know what I mean? I'm being, I'm being ridiculous, but, for me, he's like, that's, that's real life. I was like, say the restaurants. Yeah. The restaurants can be brutal for me because then you do feel a little more out of place standing up. You're like, Oh, I needed to look at what's going over going on over there. I can only go to the bathroom a reasonable number of times, you know? So, uh, speaker-2: struggles for speaker-1: Yeah, but that overwhelming feeling you get, I get at Christmas Eve. ⁓ There's 20 of us, there's 22 of us. And it's like, I see you once a year. Firstly, it's do I know everybody's name and their relation? Like, ⁓ step number one, never get to step number one before the event actually happens. I get there and it's just, know? Yes, please. Another Copa. Yes. ⁓ ⁓ wow. It's so good to see you. And what do we talk about now? Let me just fill you in on the last 365 days. Like, it's kind of hard. It's kind of this, then at some point everybody loosens up and then you get it like all the benefits of ⁓ all the amazing food, the tapas, the togetherness, ⁓ the fact that people do here make that special effort to spend more time together with their family. Especially with the family, but even with friends. There's there is a bit more I feel like a social aspect to to living in Spain that I love and it's something I think that's definitely enhanced my life So speaker-2: Definitely. Definitely a very social culture. Always together. Like you say, family, friends, whatever. It's always together. Something that we don't have in... I guess it depends on the family, but in general, we don't have that in the US. Not like here. In the US, it's common. You get together for Thanksgiving, Christmas, birthdays, Easter maybe, and that's it. But then here, as Pauline said, every Sunday. speaker-1: Some families every Sunday. It's a lot. speaker-0: Yeah. speaker-2: And don't miss it. If you miss it, you got the family. speaker-1: Like what's wrong? speaker-0: out. Three strikes, you're out. speaker-1: I reckon I pass her. ⁓ speaker-2: You know, we're a sick change in the world. speaker-0: But no, speaking of friends also, Carson, I found it, I don't know, maybe because, you know, all my friends that I have are in the States generally. Obviously not counting you guys, but like my friends are mainly in the States. My closest friends live in the States and I know them since I was like, I don't know, 10 years old. So obviously when you're 10, when you're nine, when you're a little kid, It's much easier to make friends. You go into the playground, you push somebody off this wing, you know, and suddenly you become best friends. You're like, ⁓ you're so mean. Yeah, you too. Okay. Let's be friends. ⁓ speaker-2: be mean to get speaker-1: Interesting way to meet friends, sure. speaker-0: Lena's way, but no. speaker-1: Ha speaker-0: I found it very difficult to make friends in Spain. ⁓ I have some friends, obviously. I I can call you guys my friends, I would hope, you know? We're doing this together, so shit, I would hope that I can call you my friends. speaker-2: We'll see about that. speaker-0: But the friends I actually have are mainly my partner's best friends, girlfriends or wives or whatever, which is nice. You know, it's nice that like I can go out, like hang out with them and like have a coffee and whatever. And they became like my closest friends here, I would say. ⁓ But to actually go out of my way and make, become friends with Spanish people, I found it very difficult. I think Spanish people sometimes, not always, can be very clicky. ⁓ speaker-1: I thought you were going to say something like that. I felt like you were going in that direction. speaker-0: I have found... I'm not gonna... you guys probably know which stories I'm referring to but whatever. Carson maybe you know a little bit more than Brandon. ⁓ speaker-1: You could jog my memory. speaker-0: But I find that when people have their own little group already, it's very difficult to sort of like become friends with all of them. Like you become friends with one, but you also get like left out or whatever. But, like, because you're not Spanish enough, because you're whatever, not enough. And I understand that, you know, like very often you want to be with people of your own culture. Unfortunately, this happens a lot. Also when I'm So with Erasmus students, when I was living in Poland, there are a lot of Erasmus students that were from Spain that just stuck with their Spanish friends. Not the point of Erasmus, obviously, not the point of the exchange program. The exchange program is you're supposed to make friends and, you know, meet other people and speak English and whatever. ⁓ And I understand that the people want to be with people from their own culture. It's a lot easier to communicate. ⁓ But at the same time. it does sometimes feel a little bit like hurtful. know, coming from a place, as you guys know, like for me living in New York where I had friends from all over the world and we didn't exclude anybody. Like we would always be like, ⁓ like the Marriott, the Marriott, like, let's go, let's go out for drinks, whatever. Like very social type of and friendly outgoing lifestyle where here, I felt like I was very limited when it came to making friends. That's why I became friends with you guys. ⁓ Well, that's a choice I had, shit. speaker-1: We were not first pick. speaker-2: Three likes, rounds, six round picks. speaker-1: Is it because I'm a ginger? Anyways, no. Brandon, I'm curious to hear your thoughts on this too, but I kind of, when I saw that we were going to talk, kind of mention something like that, I felt that similar to how you're feeling. Not so much offended or not hurt by it, but just kind of like observant of it in that. They this it is like a click and I think it is because a lot of them don't leave their hometowns. stay pretty close. They stay in in touch with these people. They don't really grow their friend groups outside of like who's dating who? ⁓ And so it's a little bit harder to get in because I felt I had that the situation too, where I was like I was really close with one or two of them. But then the other ones they had like different friend groups. So they did different things with and for some reason I never felt comfortable enough to include myself more. Even though maybe I had the invitation and like sometimes even when I had it, the invitation like flat out, was like, man, that would be fun. But like there's the language thing. There's a culture thing. There's like, I don't really know these people that well. ⁓ I want to, I need to do the social thing. I need to be out. I need to get out there. It's good for me. So of course, sometimes you got to force yourself to do it. And just like, ends up being the time of your life, of course, but like, like you said, sometimes you're just not entirely comfortable. You don't feel like you're a part of that. click or a part of really close in that friendship. Brandon. speaker-2: Thoughts? Yeah, no, it really depends on the person, Spanish person, because like you said, Paulina, like maybe you find someone, you actually click with them, but then you get with the rest of the group and it's not the same feeling for whatever reason. But also I have to say that, once again, in my experience, I've been here for a lot longer than you all. Like Spanish people are extremely open and they're willing to take you in no matter what. Because a lot of my friends, are also nerdiest friends, like her friends that she's had, well, for, since she was a kid or maybe from working or whatever. And over the years, well, those, those same people have become like my personal best friends. Like, even though like they're nerdiest friends, because of that relationship that we've had and we develop over the years, well, they become my best friends. I see their kids and their kids are like, ⁓ yeah, that's my little nephew. Like that's, that's how I feel about them. And at the same time, kind of sucks because I've lost that same relationship with my friends back in the U S or some of them, not all of them. My, close friends, like it doesn't matter if we see each other once every three or four years. It's like we've it's like it was back in the day when in high school, but overall it's, it's something that I don't have with everyone. All the friends that I have from like high school and, and college that I had before. So you lose some and you create new ones. So that's just how life is. speaker-0: Yeah, I get what you're saying, Brandon, especially like you mentioned that, you know, some of your best friends are because they were Nouriel's friends, The same idea with Tony. mean, yeah, his best friends. mean, Carson, you met some of them as well. ⁓ So his best friends, you know, also became like my friends ⁓ and, know, girlfriends and whatever became like my best friends. it's, it's beautiful that yeah, they're, they sort of like allow you to get into that group, but At the same time, think, yeah, I mean, if they don't, that would be sort of really fucked up if they didn't allow you in a group. you know, it's like, I'm engaged to this guy. It's like, on what you're not going to welcome me to the group at this point. I see what you're saying, Brendan. And I also understand this idea that like, yeah, some of the friends that we have in the United States, we can... go years without seeing them and it feels like nothing has changed. Whereas there are other ones that you sort of like lose that touch, lose that connection with them. And it feels like, damn, like I created a whole new life here that is so different to what I had back at home, so to say. speaker-1: 100%. Yeah. I mean, because we got the, ⁓ think a lot of us are experiencing the whole friends by association, association to our partner. ⁓ ⁓ so it feels like it's a little harder to make organic, ⁓ friendships the way we used to ⁓ back home. speaker-2: One thing that I have noticed though with the friends that I have made that weren't friends by association are a lot of my, my students, my adult students that, I don't know, you have those classes with them and then for a reason you have a good connection with them and you create that friendship. have some of my, some of my friends now that aren't from Nuria are my students that I had when I first came here as a student, probably over 10 years ago. And so that's something that I think is also pretty cool that all of a sudden this random person goes to Academy or something, trying to learn English. And then you say, never thinking that, ⁓ I'm going to create a friendship that I'm to have for, for at least a decade or more. ⁓ speaker-1: That's true. You meet people so many different ways. I mean, part of it is because we are, we, you know, we live in a different place, but also because we're getting older and priorities change and circumstances, you know, just kind of build it around this is how you're to make friends. These are the types of friends you're to have. And in fact, was, kind of remember what I was going to say earlier. Uh, back home is like those ones that you were closest with the ones who that you think of from time to time when, when you're here. away from your country. think of all the fun you had or all the amazing things that person did for you. ⁓ Those are the people when you go home, you're like, I want to see this person. I'm going to make it a priority. I'm going to send them a message and say like, Hey, I'm in town these days. Would love to see you and not expecting anything, but hoping for just even like a chance to grab a beer or something. I mean, that's enough. Just like, give me an hour of your time, man. I just want to see you in the flesh and hear that everything's good with you. and just tell me what's going on, know, quick catch up. That's all it can be sometimes, but I mean, occasionally maybe you get lucky and one of your best friends, ⁓ who maybe lives somewhere else in the world. I've got friends all over right now, actually one in the UK, one in Poland, lots in the U S here in Spain. it's like, maybe we get lucky. We get to spend a weekend somewhere for a concert or, ⁓ go stay at this. this house, this ranch for the weekend, which a lot of Spanish people do. I get together with their friends and they go to some rural house, they have party, which I think is cool. And I've done that with some people before. My wife and I did that with her brother and his girlfriend. We did at least once or twice and just a cool way to like go on hikes, know, check out small towns, go have some good food, just escape the city, ⁓ change things up. So, I mean, that's like a... I guess kind of a different thing. don't really do in the U S I mean, you do that when you go on a ski trip or something like that, it's not necessarily for something so big like that. It's more just like, Hey, let's just go and get this house and six of us. And, and I've been invited several times by other friends of mine that I made here through work or whatever to do something like that. speaker-2: We did it last weekend. speaker-1: There you go. There's your sign. speaker-0: I had a thought to sort of bring it back to the original idea also like with the relationships as well. I friendships, relationships, I mean, those very often mean they overlap. But I was thinking of, I don't know if it's like a good question necessarily because you guys wouldn't, I don't know if you guys dated any other Spanish woman before you dated your partners. I don't know your experiences, but do you guys think that in general dating somebody from the States versus dating somebody from Spain is a very different experience? Like, obviously we can't generalize it because every person is very different. Everybody has their own personality, but do you think that, I don't know, let's a woman from the States versus a woman from Spain or a man from the States and a man from Spain are very different? speaker-2: I an important point that we're looking at is that we're dating Spanish people in Spain. So that also changes the whole dynamic of the situation. It's not, what car accident for you is different because I mean, you met Maria in the U.S. So yeah, so that in that case would be different, but. speaker-0: Yes. speaker-1: I started in the US. No, but I mean, my answer is no. fact, conversation I had last night with Maria was along the lines of, I'm just trying to think like, is it really that different being with somebody from another country? And then of course, yeah, if you sit there and like really delve into all of the like little cultural differences, but then it's not really like, you don't really chalk that up to the person. so much as like the situation. like, it's hard for me, I guess, sometimes to separate my context from the subject. And the subject is this relationship I have with her. And like, no, I don't, I don't feel like the relationship is so completely different because we're two people from two different countries living in her country versus my country, even though it's our country. Now, of course I consider Spain home, but do you see where I'm getting out here? It's like, I guess more along lines of like how speaker-2: You speaker-1: how invested and what kind of investment you make in a relationship. And it feels a little bit like the stakes are higher. It always felt like the stakes were higher for this relationship, which like, think helped, excuse me, think helped us and it has helped us kind of like value the relationship more. And that like, we have already done so much to be here together. We both sacrificed a lot. You had to bring me in. You had to be patient with me as I adapted to. All this, all this change. ⁓ It's normal for you, but it's not so normal for me. The little things, you know, the hanging the clothes, they're not throwing all the clothes in the dryer. The shops closing in middle of the day for two or three hours, not being open 24 hours, lots of places. mean, this, this, these rays, like, you know, they start little arguments. have, you have these misunderstandings from some person, you know, so there's a lot on both people, the one adapting and the one kind of guiding. in a way, teaching the person that's being adapted. so, yeah, the stakes were higher, but I think it helped us. I think it helped us not give up when it was hard, because it was hard at times. And I think it would be hard. And I think any person who's dating cross-culturally would say that, oh, there are moments when you just like, you're like, I don't know who I am anymore, let alone who is this person giving me orders? Are they giving me orders or is it because they love me? That's kind of both. But maybe, yeah, so I don't know exactly how to conclude that, but that's, yeah, it's different and it's not, it's different in that it raises the stakes. It raises the level of value maybe that you place on it and that how hard you're willing to work and how much more patient you need to be. And once you start accepting the fact that I need to be more patient and it's not so much. speaker-2: What's going on? What is this? speaker-1: that person needs to do their thing. Like you have to realize we all have things we can improve. And so on the topic of relationships in general, like you're good at some things, you're not so good at others. And that just goes true. That's true for everybody. So you put two people in the mix, you got to learn how you can dance together, how you can move in sync and compliment each other and be there for that person when times are hard and then, you know, celebrate them when times are good. I think in the end, it's two people just trying to make things work, trying to make sense of it all together and say, at the end of the day, I love you. speaker-0: You guys also have like those little funny things when it comes to like that your partners, when they try to speak English and they say funny things and you just like, you're like, ⁓ my God, I love you. Like you're so, so silly, but I love you. The other day, Tony told me that we were playing a game and he tells me the question was, it's like, what a timer. You have five seconds to answer a question. like list three things that you do in the morning. And he said, brush my teeth and run away. Instead of go to work, he runs away. I lost it. Like, with me run away. He was like, yeah, run away. I'm like, and then every day he loved me enough to come back. speaker-1: Oops. It's a Freudian slip. speaker-2: So we'll try this again. speaker-0: Yeah, but yeah, mean, Carson, completely, completely, I completely agree with you. mean, it's, think going back to that original question, whether you guys see the differences, ⁓ Brandon, I also want to hear your opinion, but I do think that it's not so much as speaker-1: Sorry. speaker-0: Just the person itself, there is also the cultural aspect. mean, the culture is very different. So we also need to be very patient and understanding and calm. sometimes we're not always very calm because things frustrate us. happens. However, I do personally think that from my own personal experiences, that there are some differences, but I'll get to them after Brendan tells us, you know, a little bit about his own. speaker-2: It's normal. speaker-0: experience because I'll go on for a little while. speaker-2: No, I think, like I said before, think it's a lot has to do with the different cultures because in the end everyone's always going to be different. So no matter who you date, they're going to be different. They're have some certain characteristics. But I think what's big in play, especially for us in this situation is the mix of a different culture that even though it's not so different from ours, but it is still quite different from what we're used to. don't know. I think culture plays a big part. speaker-1: Thanks for speaker-0: Yeah. For me, the biggest difference was that, for example, in the States, men and women in general, I feel like are more willing to sort of put label on things more fast, like more quickly. So if you're dating somebody, you go on three dates, you can say, ⁓ yeah, I'm seeing this person we're dating. And like you have a label of like, you guys are actually dating. In Spain, with Tony, I don't know, we went on a couple of dates, we were hanging out for him and for his friends. It was, yeah, they're sort of seeing each other and they're hanging out. And in my mind, I'm like, no, where is the label? You know, because I came from the States, I came from New York thinking of like, there needs to be a label. And from the beginning, was like, okay, but what are we? And he's like, I don't know, we're, we're hanging out. And I'm like, no, we're not hanging out. speaker-1: Bye. speaker-2: I was getting- speaker-0: Yeah, wrong answer. Strike one. speaker-1: That's what you can tell your friends, but no. speaker-0: And I was getting frustrated because in the States, from my own personal experience, I've noticed that people are a little bit faster, you know, to sort of label what they are, you know? It's like, I've been seeing this guy for this amount of time. I guess we're, I don't know, like fuck buddies or we're in a situationship or we're whatever. Like we have all these labels to sort of like say, okay, we're friends with benefits, we're fuck buddies, we're... I don't know, like in a situationship, we're sort of getting serious. Like we have all of these different categories where when I started dating like Spanish guys before Tony, like dated a few as well. And I was like, why? Like there's no label. Like, and it's always, I'll see you. And it's like, what do mean you'll see me? Like call me a time on date where we're going to meet up for a coffee or a drink or whatever. Yeah, I'll come to you message when, when I can. What do you mean? ⁓ So that was, for me, was the biggest shock. speaker-1: I think that's probably true, but my case is a little bit of a special one. We got married fast. We got married real fast. Real fast like. So it was a little bit unrealistic for me to expect her to be so open to share the fact that she has this husband who's from America that she's known for less than a year or about a year. And I was like, I was more immature at that time. I was more like, hey, and I have to go, like you said, Paul, you know, there is that kind of that expectation culturally as an American to put a label on it. And I was like, well, we don't even have to like, this isn't us just saying it is like legal. Like we are legal, baby. So, you know tell your family your parents like so first it was parents of course they found out ASAP like pretty much right after it happened It was a little easier to explain but I mean we're talking 20 30 other family members like that took some time and I was patient and Yeah, we had this there was a moment there were conversations there were misunderstandings about the whole labeling the relationship I'm like we kind of already did it like I understand your point, but we got married so Well, it's done. mean, unless it's just not going to work out very, very soon. And we know that like might as well start telling people Brandon. Any, any labeling issues? speaker-2: No, it's it my whole situation is a lot different from you all because like I said, I've been here for almost 20 years. I've been with Nurdia for 15 years. So the whole dating haven't dated much here in Spain. speaker-1: You haven't speaker-2: ⁓ And I also say I'm thankful for that because I see what the situation is now. And if I had to go out and try to find dates with someone now, that'd be a difficult task. speaker-0: Like not half. speaker-2: I see what people are going through is like, that's rough. Better get that out the way. speaker-0: Yeah. And to add on to that, there's another thing that I struggled with personally, maybe because I'm a little bit a psycho bitch, but... ⁓ speaker-1: Yeah. Could be, could be because of that. But it's like, no comment. Of course it's like, I'll comment. speaker-0: Yeah No, but what I personally struggle with, think, I don't know if this is a New York thing, I don't know if you guys just see this in the United States as well, ⁓ that a lot of, for example, the friendships, like men and women friendships, are very, very accepted here in Spain. it's very, I mean, within my personal experience, like my partner has speaker-1: Haha speaker-0: many women friends, you know, and they were sort of like growing up together since they were kids, you know, like in the same type of playground. And for me, was like, red flag. Exactly. Like I came from the States where like if you had a male friend or, know, if you're a man and you have a woman friend, was like automatically like something happened, like y'all fucked, like there was some sort of thing, you know, which not necessarily was the case, you know, but very often there is that assumption. So there is like jealousy from the start. So when my partner told me like, ⁓ yeah, I'm going out with the girls like, and the rest of the guys to a bar and I'm like, what girls? Who are they? And he's like, yeah, they're Erasmus friends. And I'm like, I don't know them. And like, I would get like stressed because I'm like, not necessarily because of him, but because I'm like, I don't know what are these girls motives as well. And you know, so I always had like a little bit of a worry because I'm like, how can you be a guy who has girlfriends and vice versa? Because I don't know in New York was never like a normal thing. There was always some sort of motive behind it. speaker-1: Hmm. I mean, there's a level of ⁓ a appropriateness, right? I mean, it's like, if you are just going one-on-one to hang out with this friend who's a girl or a guy, opposite sex, and it's like questionable, then of course you have your reasons to be suspicious. But if it's just like, you stay in touch from time to time. I mean, I don't know if you're saying like they talk all the time, they communicate, they're always texting, always sending each other things, then okay. So you're just saying. You're being a little paranoid. Yeah. I mean, cause I personally, had quite a few and I still have quite a few girlfriends that are in the U S now. I don't talk to them as much as I used to because a lot of that's just has to do with me living here and not being in the scene. I'm like, I'm not in Atlanta. I'm not, I'm not around the people. so like, all, I just don't communicate as much directly with even my closest friends as much as I used to, but I mean, If you're in a relationship, there are just like, you may have the best of intentions. You may be just friends with this person, but you kind of have to put yourself in your partner's shoes and be like, I wouldn't want to them that would make me uncomfortable if they did that. And so I'm not going to like push the button too much or I'm not going to, you know, push the topic. And at the same time, it could be, yeah, like just gonna be completely harmless, but perception is everything. And then like, of course you care about. Well, your partner's thinking and feeling and you don't want to, you know, possibly have this issue or miscommunication. So depends on if it's worth it. It depends on how appropriate it is. I guess you got to just, you got to be open with your partner and have that conversation. speaker-2: Communication is key. speaker-0: And we had those conversations, but you know, that was something as when I first started dating him, you know, because for me it was so brand new that I'm like, he has these friends that are girls and there are no secret motives behind it. Because like I said, in the States, if you have a guy friend or whatever, generally, you know, maybe it's not from your end, but it's from the guy friend's end, you know, that like there are some motives. speaker-1: The guy just wants to sleep with you. Well, probably true. speaker-0: What happened? Nothing happened. ⁓ But no, for me it was very strange. And obviously later on when I met these girls and whatever, was like, this is what I was worried about. Their friendship was just so natural, so normal. You could see that they're buddies. And I'm over here recording with two guys. Tony could also be like... she's doing, know? Like, constantly talking to Carson and Brendan, like, but he's not, so... speaker-1: Yeah, there's an understanding and we all know each other. We've all gone out and we all have that trust and just comfort level with each other and like we know. So it's not a thing. Obviously we've been friends for years now. it speaker-2: How long have we been friends? speaker-0: I started at the school in 2021. speaker-1: You started before me you two know each other before I knew you speaker-2: A year before. Yeah. So it's been a minute. speaker-1: That that that. Feels like longer, in a good way. speaker-0: Yeah. speaker-1: I feel like I've y'all longer than that. speaker-0: I'm just happy to have friends. speaker-1: You speaker-2: For sure. For sure. speaker-1: Even though we're, well, you two are one time zone away from me. I being able to do this and see each other several times a year. speaker-2: Nah, it's necessary. speaker-0: Yeah, and to bring this back also about friendships, you guys think like, it makes your life easier to have also friends that are like expats and have been through similar experiences or are your experiences with that? speaker-2: it out of doubt because they know the situation. Like what we're talking about, well, we all know, we've all been in this situation. So it all makes sense. So if Carson says something, well, know what that exact situation was because we've gone through it 10, 15 times. so people who haven't been in a situation where they're living in a different country with a from another country, ⁓ well, don't know it. ⁓ It's foreign to them, literally. speaker-0: been here. speaker-1: Right. And we're all from the East Coast. So. speaker-0: Thank speaker-1: That's another rare thing. How we ended up over here? I have no idea, but I'm sure that's how glad we did. speaker-2: No doubt. speaker-0: The Carson doesn't get my slang, so it's okay. speaker-1: Sometimes. It's all the New York is like his own country, come on. And I mean that in good way. But, Y'all are out there. ⁓ speaker-2: a whole different thing. speaker-0: Yeah. So last words of wisdom today? Any words of wisdom? Also peace and love. speaker-1: Let's leave that there. speaker-2: in the effort. It's not easy. Relationships, friendships, never easy. Got to put in the effort, put in the work, and it's always going to be worth it in the end. speaker-1: Well said my man. Well said. Lots of work, rewards you can't measure. Absolutely. speaker-2: 8. Many years. speaker-1: Yeah, yeah, It's true. ⁓ Many years. Not as many as Brandon, but many more. speaker-0: It's worth the effort. It's worth the work that we put in. ⁓ speaker-1: think that's it. speaker-2: Have a good night. speaker-0: Bye bye! speaker-1: And you probably know how long was the long distance. speaker-0: about two years. speaker-2: Shit.