Latest / RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way / Ep. 21- Got ANTs?

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Ep. 21- Got ANTs? · RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Today's episode is produced by my friends at WalkWest.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_01: If you're looking to grow your brand and generate leads through podcast or video production, head over to walkwest.com.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, let's start the show.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to RiseUp.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: Live Joy Your Way with Comedy Wood.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's time to step into your power.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_01: Hey everybody, and welcome to another episode of Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_01: For those of you who are unfamiliar with me, I am Comedy Wood.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_01: I am a certified life coach that works with individuals on healing the relationship with oneself to end the outsourcing of self-worth so that you can go on to healthier relationships and to define success and happiness as you see it and live the life that you want to live.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_01: It's about ending, running our lives on autopilot and really being present and engaged in what we're choosing to do on a daily basis.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_01: And on that note, I really wanted to talk about a topic that's near and dear to my heart, which is ants.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_01: What are ants?
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_01: Ants are automatic negative thoughts and the distortions that come with them.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_01: What happens when we allow ourselves to have these automatic negative thoughts and the distortions that come with them is it really takes our self-esteem takes a hit.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_01: So as we are trying to build our self-esteem, and let's be clear, nobody can build our self-esteem for us.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_01: We have to do it, it's an inside-out progression in building one's self-esteem.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_01: But recognizing automatic negative thoughts and those distortions that come with them are really important in in engaging in the building of your self-esteem.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_01: Because when we allow ourselves to have these ants, we're allowing ourselves to end up on this negative spiral, and those negative thoughts can take us down and really wreak havoc on how we see ourselves and the abilities that we have as well as who we are as people.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's really important to start recognizing when we're having ants and figuring out if there's a way to reframe or to see the situation differently.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_01: So whenever an upsetting event occurs in our life, these automatic thoughts will happen in our head.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_01: They'll run through our minds.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_01: And even though we are capable of taking an upsetting event and looking at it and asking ourselves, what do I know to be true?
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_01: What have I learned from this situation?
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_01: Many times the negative thoughts just happen so quickly, right?
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_01: The negative thoughts come into our brain, they happen so rapidly that we don't even recognize that they're there.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_01: And the distortions happen so quickly that we aren't even in a position to question them.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_01: And what happens again with these automatic negative thoughts is it then affects our mood and our sense of worth.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's really important that we learn how to retrain our brain to catch them, catch these distortions, and then actually challenge them, challenge the validity of what it is that we're thinking so that we can actually put ourselves in a place of empowerment and rebuild our own sense of confidence and esteem in who we are and what we stand for.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_01: So I just wanted to talk about a few of the categories that these distortions generally fall into and how they show up so that in in an effort, so that maybe as you're going through your daily life and as you're starting to think about cultivating this sense of joy in your life, you can also start recognizing if you happen to have ants and you can start to recognize them as they're occurring and hopefully start building these new neural pathways to stop, take a breath, observe what's happening, and then proceed from there in a reframe and so that you don't end up on that negative spiral and into the distortions.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_01: So a couple categories that these distortions um show up as are um assuming.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_01: So when something negative happens, we assume the worst without pausing to see if there's evidence of such.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_01: What I mean by that is for instance, if somebody is in front of us and they make a face, we might automatically assume that they are upset with us or they're angry at us.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_01: And so we immediately go into this negative thought process, and we assume that yes, they're mad at us, and we also will assume things such as uh they don't like me, or I am I don't know what I'm talking about, or um I made them upset and therefore there's something wrong with me.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_01: When in fact, another way to talk to yourself in that situation without going down the assumption uh rabbit hole, so to speak, is to simply say, you know, I'm I'm willing to ask and be curious about what that face was about.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I'm I'm willing to seek out more information before just quickly jumping to the conclusion that that person's angry with me and I have done something wrong.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_01: Another distortion that happens a lot with these automatic negative thoughts are shoulds.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_01: I hear time and time again in conversation, and I do it too, is I should have.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_01: I should have done this, I shouldn't have made the mistake, I should have known better.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_01: Um and then what happens when we we go down that path of shoulds is we start to feel inadequate.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_01: Our self-esteem takes a hit because what happens is that we think that we should be perfect somehow rather than allowing for the fact that humans are ever-evolving creatures.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_01: There is no such thing as perfection.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_01: And maybe we could replace the should with want to, you know, like such as I want to do XYZ better next time, rather than I should have done this perfectly.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_01: Another distortion that happens is the you know, the fantasy, the fantasy world.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_01: What that means is that there's this ideal life, that there's some idealism or some way that things should not have happened.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_01: The truth of the matter is that unfair things happen to good people day in and day out.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes uh, you know, they happen and it's because of the unreasonableness of others.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes we just really don't have an explanation for why something, you know, some disappointment happened in our life.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_01: And what it really comes down to is letting go of that fairy tale that everything is perfect.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_01: Again, perfection doesn't really, it doesn't exist, it's it's an illusion.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_01: And what we can do is we can always strive to learn and to be better.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_01: So this is just another, it's another fancier way of having a should distortion, uh, and it's just recognizing that things happen in life and we get to decide how we react to them.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_01: And so when we go into that automatic negative thought and the distortion of it should be perfect, or this is not the way that life should be, we can stop and ask ourselves, well, in this moment, what do I know to be true?
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_01: And how can I move forward with what I just learned from this situation?
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_01: How can I take this disappointment, extract something that I can take with me and apply it moving forward?
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_01: Another common distortion that happens with these automatic negative thoughts is this all or nothing thinking, meaning that you know, we think we have to get a hundred on the test or we have to do perfectly in this presentation, and if we don't, somehow we're a failure.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_01: And what happens when we do this is again, it it goes back to this idealism of this and this idea of perfection that somehow if we miss the mark, even by a little bit, this this perfect mark that's out there, somehow we're not good enough, which is just another way to to really um dig at our self-esteem and our self-worth.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_01: And so maybe when we when we start going down that path of saying I have to get a hundred on this or I have to do perfectly at this presentation, it's stopping, taking that breath, and then asking ourselves things like, why?
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_01: Why do I have to have a perfect score on this, or why do I have to do perfectly in this presentation?
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_01: And even more, what makes it perfect?
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_01: Another category of distortion is overgeneralizing, and what this means is it's deciding to use a negative experience as a descriptor for your life in its entirety.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_01: So if a common thought that people will have is I always ruin everything, or I always get left by my significant other, or no one likes me.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_01: That is overgeneralizing.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_01: And these global statements that we make to ourselves are very unkind, and they can bring us down into that negative spiral and and lead to depression.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_01: And again, it's just another way that we end up picking at and whittling away our self-confidence and our self-esteem.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_01: And so maybe it's about when we catch ourselves doing that, it's it's saying things such as uh sometimes people don't approve of me, but sometimes they do.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_01: Or, you know, although I may not be tactful in all situations, there are times when I am, or you know, I may not be tactful yet, but I'm working on it.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_01: I may not have found the love of my life yet, but I'm looking for the love of my life.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_01: So it's just finding small ways to improve how we're talking to ourselves, to take out that overgeneralization.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_01: Another common uh category for distortions is labeling.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, and what this means is labeling yourself, labeling yourself as a loser or labeling yourself as stupid or dumb.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_01: Again, this happens when something negative occurs in our life and we automatically go to the label of who we are and what that make, what meaning we're making of this negative uh occurrence in our life.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_01: And when we catch ourselves doing that, we need to actually ask ourselves, is that really true?
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_01: Am I always stupid?
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_01: Am I always making the wrong choice?
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_01: Am I always um you know, am I always rude?
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_01: Am I always it it's really asking and pushing ourselves to recognize that that just because this one occurrence happened, it doesn't mean that that's who we are.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_01: We do not have to take that on as our identity.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_01: Another category of distortion is just when we sit there and we dwell on the negative.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_01: You know, we sit in this um in this loop of negativity, and the more we think about it, the more we we buy into it.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_01: And when we experience this type of distortion, we just keep focusing on the negative aspects of the situation, and we we can't, and we don't even allow ourselves to see the positive.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_01: So a way that that we can combat this is to ask ourselves in this situation, in this negative situation that occurred, what good thing or what one thing did I learn from it?
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_01: You know, and really it again, it's about recognizing that the the ant is happening and then stopping taking that breath and really reframing it for ourselves and recognizing that even though all of this negativity is happening, what is one thing that I could think of that I've learned from this situation, or what is one thing that I could focus on that I can take away from this situation?
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_01: And it pushes us to pull out the positive aspect or at least a more positive aspect so that we're not just sitting in this constant cycle of negativity.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_01: Another uh distortion that happens is when we when we compare, right?
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_01: That's that automatic negative thought that I must be stupid and and all these other people are better than me.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_01: Um and so, for example, you know, with with women, we might hear them say things like, Well, I'm I'm only a housewife.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_01: Well, that minimizes all of their strengths.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_01: There's no such thing as only a housewife.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_01: Somebody who stays home and manages the house and manages the family is doing amazing things, and their plate is just as full as somebody who might be at work.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_01: And so when we do that, we put ourselves into this unfavorable comparison mode and we allow those distortions to take hold.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_01: And so when when we catch ourselves doing this, we have to challenge that and we have to say, why am I comparing myself to this other person?
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_01: Our lives and where we are in our lives are different places.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_01: A really great quote that I heard, um, actually, I didn't hear, I either heard it or read it, but it says, uh, don't compare, or I'm sorry, don't judge me by the chapter you walked in on.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_01: And when we can, when we catch ourselves comparing ourselves to other people, it's really important to recognize that we're all on different chapters in our story.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_01: And our stories are all different.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's really important to set aside those comparisons because again, our self-esteem can take such a hit from it.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_01: A couple other distortion uh categories are catastrophizing.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, and what this means is that you tell yourself that it is so horrible and awful that uh you can't possibly stand it.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_01: And another way to think about this is maybe it's to just simply say to yourself, I don't like that this particular thing happened, but I know that I can make it through.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_01: I know that I can work through this.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, personalizing is another big one that happens, which is uh we see ourselves as the cause for the negative event.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_01: So um we'll see everything that happens as our fault.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_01: So if somebody is upset, we personalize it and we think we must have caused them to be upset.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_01: We are responsible to for their for their um their stress or whatever it is that's going on in their life.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's important to recognize that, you know, maybe we're not the central character.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe somebody's upset because something happened in their life and there was a stimulus to it, and we can recognize that each one of us is responsible for how we react to situations.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_01: So just because somebody is upset doesn't make you responsible for it unless you actually meant to be hurtful.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, and then a couple more are um blaming when we it's it's sort of the opposite of personalizing.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_01: You know, those automatic thoughts, those negative thoughts that come up that this happened because somebody else did XYZ.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_01: It's um, you know, it's statements like she makes me so mad, or you know, he ruined my life because he did XYZ, it's it's taking ownership of our partner, right?
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_01: We have the ability to choose how we react to situations, and uh somebody who is has the self-esteem can recognize that they have responsibility.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_01: You know, they they don't walk around as a victim.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_01: And so when we allow ourselves to constantly blame other people for negative things occurring in our life, we're giving away our power.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_01: And again, it's taking, it's it's detracting from our self-esteem.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_01: And um, you know, the uh the final one that I wanted to mention was just making feelings, taking feelings and making them take take the shape of facts.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_01: So for instance, um, you know, when you feel um when you feel like a loser, you then take on the uh identity of being hopeless, or that if you feel ashamed or guilty that you are a bad person, and again, that's just a distortion that comes along with these automatic negative thoughts, and it is so important to really just ask ourselves, you know, what would somebody who is a hundred percent, you know, inadequate or a hundred percent bad look like?
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_01: Am I really like that?
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_01: So these powerful questions and the reframing can really shift us from these automatic negative thoughts and these and these distortions that come along with them into this place of empowerment and re-engage our confidence and our self-esteem.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_01: If you'd like more information on this or want to talk about what's coming up in your life, feel free to book a call with me at any time.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_01: You can go to www.chatwithcomedy.com.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_01: Or if you just want more information and uh articles that on topics like this, feel free to visit my website at www.comedywood.com.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_01: And until next time, I'm Comedy Wood.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for listening to Rise Up.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_00: Always remember your uniqueness and the gift that you bring to this world.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_00: Life happens for you, not to you.