Latest / Two Broke Chicks / "My Dad's Mistress Is My Age..." | DIABOLICAL DILEMMAS

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"My Dad's Mistress Is My Age..." | DIABOLICAL DILEMMAS · Two Broke Chicks

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: This podcast is recorded on Gadigal land. Always was, always
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: will be Aboriginal land.
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: Hey chicks, I'm Sal.
• 0:11
  Speaker 3: And I'm Al.
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: And this is Two Broke Chicks, a show that shares
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: life lessons and tips to help make you rich in life.
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: And welcome back to another Chicks Chat episode.
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: You chickies sent in your diabolical confessions, dilemmas, and we're
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: going to give you our raw reactions and two cents
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: if needed. Mm-hmm.
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  Speaker 2: Here if you need.
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  Speaker 3: Here if you need.
• 0:30
  Speaker 2: Here if you need.
• 0:31
  Speaker 3: Here if you need.
• 0:32
  Speaker 2: Not compulsory. Exactly. Take everything with a grain of salt.
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying?
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  Speaker 3: Just here to have a good time.
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: Precisely. Here for a good time.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah.
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  Speaker 3: Not a long time.
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: As they say. As they say. All right. Should I
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: dive into the first dilemma?
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: Hit me.
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  Speaker 2: Okay. It's a wedding one.
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  Speaker 1: Okay.
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  Speaker 2: Who do I invite to my wedding?
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  Speaker 1: My partner and I are planning to get married early
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  Speaker 1: next year and everything's already booked.
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  Speaker 2: The problem is the guest list. I have four good
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: friends and I only want three of them there.
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  Speaker 1: Oh. Shit.
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  Speaker 2: Wait, four and three.
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  Speaker 1: Oh. Yeah.
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  Speaker 3: Okay, I've caught up.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: I would hate to leave one person out, but there's
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  Speaker 1: so much to this.
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  Speaker 3: Oh.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah.
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  Speaker 3: Okay.
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  Speaker 2: One, we want a small wedding, under 20 people.
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  Speaker 1: Two, I think if we don't see each other one-on-one,
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  Speaker 1: then you don't make the top 20.
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  Speaker 2: Okay.
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  Speaker 1: This particular girl and I haven't hung out one-on-one in
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  Speaker 1: over 12 months, even though I always ask her. I'll
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  Speaker 1: suggest going for a walk and she cancels last minute
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: every single time. And if I suggest anything else, even coffee,
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  Speaker 1: she says she can't afford it. Three, she keeps saying
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  Speaker 1: she can't wait for our wedding. I've said multiple times
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  Speaker 1: in a group setting how I'm really struggling with a
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  Speaker 1: guest list and how we want a small wedding. four
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  Speaker 1: we have booked the venue for 20 people and we
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  Speaker 1: can change that to be 60 people but it's thousands
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  Speaker 1: of dollars more when it will just be for one
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  Speaker 1: person because we don't want any more than 20 there
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: for context we had our engagement party a few months
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: ago and there were 80 people there and we didn't
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  Speaker 1: enjoy it we were so overwhelmed and stressed the whole
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  Speaker 1: time making sure everyone was enjoying themselves so we've decided
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  Speaker 1: to have a small wedding what do i do I
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: feel like I have to invite all four of.
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  Speaker 2: Them or none at all. Help.
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  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: Holy fuck.
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: I feel like after the Christmas advice, I'm like, I'm
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  Speaker 1: on the hot take side. Yeah. Because I realized after
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  Speaker 1: the Christmas proposal, I was on the hot take.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah. Which I was like, whatever.
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  Speaker 3: But, okay, I do have thoughts.
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  Speaker 1: I think, I always think with things like this, whether
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: or not it's a wedding, a birthday or whatever event
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: it is, it's your day. You can invite whoever you want, right?
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  Speaker 1: And I get what she's saying in terms of like,
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: you know, going like even one person over 20 bumps
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  Speaker 1: it to 60. Yeah, because I think that would be
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  Speaker 1: a lot of people. They would be like, oh, it's
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  Speaker 1: just one extra person. But it's like it's not like
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  Speaker 1: that when you're hiring a venue. Yeah, because like with
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: vendors there's like hard, you know, maxes. And the fact is,
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  Speaker 1: you know, they did the big engagements. And they're like,
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  Speaker 1: we just didn't like it. And that's so, so fair enough. However, one,
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  Speaker 1: like what I would say to this is like, yes,
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  Speaker 1: you don't have to invite her, but she is absolutely
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  Speaker 1: going to be upset about this. Yeah. She is absolutely
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  Speaker 1: going to be hurt that she's not invited and it
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  Speaker 1: is absolutely your choice what you want to do. But
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  Speaker 1: I think within that, you kind of have to come
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  Speaker 1: to terms with the fact that like this will be,
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  Speaker 1: very likely affect the friendship.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: I think someone not being able to afford going out
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  Speaker 1: for coffee.
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  Speaker 3: You know, that's a valid reason.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah.
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  Speaker 3: Why someone can't catch up.
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  Speaker 1: But the fact I also think, you know, her saying
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  Speaker 1: I can't go for a walk and cancelling last minute
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  Speaker 1: and you haven't hung out one-on-one in the last year
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  Speaker 1: is also very valid. So I completely see her side
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  Speaker 1: of things. Yeah. But if that was me, like I
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  Speaker 1: think I would also be kind of hurt. I think
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  Speaker 1: if there was no conversation.
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  Speaker 3: About it as well.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah. Like.
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  Speaker 2: If you're blindsided.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah. If she like is hearing from everyone else that
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  Speaker 1: everyone else is invited and she's the one person out
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  Speaker 1: of your group of four friends that isn't, I'm like
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  Speaker 1: that is probably going to be quite hurtful for her.
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  Speaker 1: And I'm like, part of me is also like, and again,
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  Speaker 1: you can invite whoever you want to your wedding. If
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  Speaker 1: you don't want to invite her, that's absolutely your prerogative.
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  Speaker 1: But I'm like, can everyone in the 20 come? Is
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  Speaker 1: there not one person who like can't make that day
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  Speaker 1: and you can.
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  Speaker 3: Just slaughter in?
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  Speaker 2: I don't know.
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  Speaker 3: What do you think?
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  Speaker 1: Is there some other adjustment you can make on the
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  Speaker 1: guest list to allow her to fit in?
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  Speaker 2: Because Yeah, I completely agree. I also think that, yes,
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  Speaker 2: it is really.
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  Speaker 1: Frustrating when you're constantly asking somebody to hang out and
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  Speaker 1: then they cancel last minute. But also if this is
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  Speaker 1: something that has sort of just started happening in the
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  Speaker 1: last 12 months, I'm like, is there something going on
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  Speaker 1: in her life?
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  Speaker 2: Or are there.
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  Speaker 1: Genuine reasons that every single time of the last couple
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  Speaker 1: of times you've reached out she hasn't been able to
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  Speaker 1: make it?
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  Speaker 2: Because sometimes that does happen and you're like, fuck, I
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: feel like such.
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  Speaker 1: A bad friend.
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  Speaker 3: That's just being an adult, like being like, do you
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  Speaker 3: want to go out on Saturday?
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  Speaker 2: Sorry, I've got to get my haircut.
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  Speaker 3: Or do you want to go out this date? Oh,
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  Speaker 3: I've got my cousin's birthday. And it is a bit
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  Speaker 3: like that.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, like sometimes it is intentional and somebody just couldn't
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  Speaker 1: be fucked or, you know, there's an issue that they
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  Speaker 1: haven't brought up with you or sometimes like life gets
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  Speaker 1: in the way and it.
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  Speaker 2: Is like genuine.
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  Speaker 1: But the thing that is different here for me is that, yeah,
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  Speaker 1: you guys haven't hung out one-on-one in a long time,
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  Speaker 1: but also does that mean that you're still catching up
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  Speaker 1: in a group setting so you're.
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  Speaker 3: Still seeing this person?
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  Speaker 1: Yeah. Like how often are you seeing each other in
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: a group setting? Yeah, and also she keeps saying she's really.
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  Speaker 2: Excited for your wedding. So there's that too.
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  Speaker 1: You should never assume that you're invited to someone's wedding. Yeah,
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  Speaker 1: but if you have a group of four friends and
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  Speaker 1: three of them are invited and you're the only person,
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  Speaker 1: I could understand why she would maybe feel blindsided. But
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  Speaker 1: I can also understand why you might not feel like
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  Speaker 1: she makes the cut if you only have 20 people.
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  Speaker 2: But I think you need to tell her. Absolutely.
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  Speaker 1: And you need to talk to her because this is
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  Speaker 1: probably going to cause a strain on your relationship regardless.
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  Speaker 1: Like I hate to say it but I think it
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  Speaker 1: probably will just being honest. But the strain will be
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  Speaker 1: so much worse if you don't say anything because then
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  Speaker 1: it has the double whammy of one, she wasn't invited. Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: And that could be quite painful feeling left out. And two,
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  Speaker 1: that you've kept something from her.
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  Speaker 2: If this was your wedding, what would you do?
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  Speaker 1: If there was someone, like you had a group of
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  Speaker 1: four friends and there was one that you hadn't hung
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  Speaker 1: out with one-on-one, what would you do? I would really
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  Speaker 1: try to make it work for them to still be invited.
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  Speaker 2: And if I really, really couldn't, I would talk to them.
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  Speaker 2: But if it.
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  Speaker 2: Just came down to it and I did have the room, yes,
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  Speaker 2: I would absolutely invite them.
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  Speaker 1: Even if I hadn't hung out with them one-on-one because
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  Speaker 1: there are so many people who I consider really good
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  Speaker 1: friends of mine and I probably haven't caught up.
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  Speaker 2: With them one-on-one in a year.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah. Because we hang out in a group setting and
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  Speaker 1: I personally still consider that good quality time. Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: But I guess that's the difference. Not everybody's the same.
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  Speaker 1: So, yeah.
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  Speaker 2: That's a tough one. I feel for you.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, I get it.
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  Speaker 1: It's a sticky situation as well if you feel like
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  Speaker 1: you haven't been valued in the friendship. But, yeah, that's
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  Speaker 1: a good point. Like think about when you spend time
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  Speaker 1: in group settings. Like do you feel valued in those settings?
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  Speaker 1: Like do you have a good time then? And maybe
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: like zoom out a little bit. But also if you
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  Speaker 1: want to keep your wedding to 20 people and you
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  Speaker 1: don't want to invite anyone, it's your wedding at the
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: end of the day and it's being aware of like
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  Speaker 1: how that will probably affect the friendship in the future because–
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  Speaker 1: You don't have to invite her to your wedding, but
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  Speaker 1: it might upset her. And if you're okay with that, then,
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  Speaker 1: you know, that's your prerogative. But I think a conversation
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  Speaker 1: is necessary, especially because, you know, group dynamics and you
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: don't want anything happening there.
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: I wonder what the other girls think or other people think. Yeah,
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  Speaker 2: have you spoken to the other people in your group?
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: I don't think none at all is the answer here.
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  Speaker 3: Oh, I don't know. I don't think none at all.
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  Speaker 1: Because she's like, I feel like I have to invite
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  Speaker 1: all four of them or none at all. I don't
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  Speaker 1: think none at all is the answer because it's.
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  Speaker 3: Your wedding day.
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  Speaker 2: You want your friends there.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah.
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  Speaker 3: Best of luck to you.
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: I would love to hear the part two.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: I agree.
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  Speaker 1: I definitely think there's been, like, I think there is
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: that version of with every single wedding. Everyone I've spoken to,
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: it's like a thing. But there's this thing called tiered
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: inviting that's widely used by a lot of wedding planners
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  Speaker 1: as well.
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  Speaker 3: So basically you have like your initial.
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  Speaker 1: List and then you have a secondary list of priority
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: of who you kind of like sub in once you
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: get an RSVP. So like maybe follow up your RSVPs first.
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: Maybe follow up that 20 first and you might not
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: even have an issue here. Because one person might not
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: be able to come and you can.
• 9:43
  Speaker 3: Be like, there you go. Slaughter in.
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: Aunt Joanie might be going on a cruise to like
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: the Maldives or something. Exactly. Aunt Joanie's on another cruise?
• 9:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Oh my gosh, that Joanie.
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: But she's still sending you an envelope full of cash.
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah. You just want to make sure you're happy with
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: how your wedding day turns out and that you're not
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: creating anxiety for yourself on.
• 10:02
  Speaker 3: The day or after it yeah.
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: Okay number two next dilemma oh all right okay Hmm. Hmm. Personally,
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: this is really hard as I see it through my friends'
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: relationships and on TV that it happens so easily without
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: any thought.
• 10:46
  Speaker 3: Whereas for me, it's become painful at times.
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: Trust me, I love my partner and I find him
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: very much attractive.
• 10:53
  Speaker 3: Sexy, actually.
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: Love that.
• 10:55
  Speaker 3: I know.
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: But I feel like there is just a roadblock happening.
• 10:59
  Speaker 3: In my body.
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: I'm not sure how many of you chicks are experiencing
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: this too, but I would love your thoughts on it
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: as I think it could be something happening mentally as
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: due to past trauma, or just simply overthinking it.
• 11:11
  Speaker 3: If you guys have any tips or tricks.
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: Please let me know and love to you all. I
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: want to crawl through the microphone and give her a hug. Yeah.
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: Thanks so much for sending this in and trusting us
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: with this. It's a very vulnerable thing to talk about,
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: and I think it is so normal, and a lot
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: of people feel like, Sorry, it's not necessarily normal to
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: experience pain during sex. It's not something that you should
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: just be like, oh, well, this is me, and then
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: just put up with it in quotation marks. But I
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: do think that it is something that a lot of
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: people experience, but we don't talk about it because there's
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: a lot of.
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: Shame and embarrassment around that.
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: Whether it is the type of sex that you're having,
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: how often you're having sex, I think that there is
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: sort of like a cookie-cutter answer that we expect people
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: to have. especially when you've been in like a relationship
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: for a certain time or you're of a certain age.
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: But yeah, I don't think that most people don't have
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: sex in the same way.
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: So I think take that pressure off for sure.
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: And like we truly have been dealt a lie through
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: like pop culture and movies. So do not compare yourself.
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: and your sex life to things like that because those
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: are literally.
• 12:25
  Speaker 3: Works of fiction. Yeah.
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: It is fantasy.
• 12:28
  Speaker 3: It is fantasy.
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: It is fiction.
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: Like no one's like pulling up someone's skirt and like
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: going straight to town. Yeah.
• 12:36
  Speaker 3: Like that is not accurate. You know, there's a lot
• 12:39
  Speaker 3: of studies that even show.
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: Women need at least 20 minutes of foreplay in order
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: to like be in the mood. Like I'm, you know,
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: tell Rob that it's called like preheating the oven.
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: I'm like, you've got to preheat the oven. Yeah, exactly.
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: Otherwise the cookies won't come out good.
• 12:55
  Speaker 3: Otherwise the cookie bad.
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: Bad cookie.
• 12:58
  Speaker 3: Bad cookie.
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah, totally.
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: But also like sexual anxiety can be a result of
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: a lot of things and it does affect a lot
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: of people. in particular, it affects six to 16% of women.
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: And like, that's a lot of people that are experiencing this.
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: So even if you're not- That's also, that stat is
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: people who have even spoken about it. I would not
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: be surprised if that was significantly higher because like you said,
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: we don't talk about these things enough because of the
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: shame associated with it.
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah, totally.
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: Like sometimes you don't want to bring that up because
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: I think then people assume that Yeah, like you're not
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: attracted to your partner or that, I don't know, that
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: your sex life is somehow like a marker of whether
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: or not you have a good relationship.
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: Which I don't.
• 13:40
  Speaker 3: It's not.
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: It's not either.
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: And, yeah, it's really easy to feel those pressures, especially
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: with how much we see and hear about sex in
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: pop culture. And just in like talking with the girls
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: on a night out when people are like telling their
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: wild story about like this romp they had and you're like, oh, fuck,
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: like that's not my experience. Yeah. Half the time, those
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: are the worst sex anyway.
• 14:04
  Speaker 3: Like, fuck that.
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah. Lay me down on a bed of roses, please.
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: Actually sounds kind of painful. Yeah.
• 14:13
  Speaker 3: What about the thorns?
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Petals. Petals.
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: But then you've got to clean it up. Clean it up. Yeah.
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: Too much effort.
• 14:19
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: But I think that's the thing. Like, you need to
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: get to the root cause here. Pun.
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: Unintended.
• 14:25
  Speaker 3: Unintended.
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: Um, just to get like some.
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: More clarity around your sexual health and being with your
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: partner intimately.
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: Like there are lots of things that you can do.
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: Like therapy is a good option for people who've, if
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: you think that it could be because of like a
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: past traumatic experience, like you can do therapy either individually
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: or with your partner. Yeah.
• 14:45
  Speaker 3: I think both of those are also a great option
• 14:48
  Speaker 3: as well.
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: Like sometimes you might you know, feel a little bit
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: uncomfortable to say some of the things you feel you
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: need to say in front of your partner. And then
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: you can kind of come back together and have those conversations.
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: And there are people who specialize in this area. Like
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: there are literal sex therapists that can help kind of
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: figure out what's going on because like, obviously not naming names.
• 15:10
  Speaker 3: I know a lot of people who have dealt with this.
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: Like I know a lot of people who have dealt like,
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: and myself included, like I've dealt with, you know, not
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: wanting to have sex because I had a really bad
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: strain of.
• 15:21
  Speaker 3: UTIs that every time I would have sex, I would
• 15:23
  Speaker 3: get a UTI.
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Like every single time. And I started relating sex
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: to pain.
• 15:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: And it just made me not want to have sex
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: for like a long time. And it was like working
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: through that, like, you know, painful cycle of sex meant
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: pain and like working backwards from that.
• 15:41
  Speaker 3: So it's a very, very common thing.
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: It's not, no one's out here being fucking bunnies and like,
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: having sex every single day like i'm sure there are
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: i'm sure there are some people out there yeah but
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: like there's definitely this idea that you know everyone's out
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: here romping and rolling around and it's not true like
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: yeah like even in rom-coms where they're like rolling into
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: the apartment and they're like going up against the door
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: frame and they're like yeah get.
• 16:08
  Speaker 2: Off yeah Pre-heat the oven. Pre-heat the oven.
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: Please. But also there's been like a lot more conversation
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: around vaginismus recently, which is also like something that a
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: lot of people experience that is related.
• 16:22
  Speaker 2: To pain during sex. So maybe it could be something
• 16:26
  Speaker 2: there too.
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: I think it's a great first step to, one, recognize this,
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: talk about it with your partner, and then go speak
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: to a doctor. Yeah.
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: And, like, maybe go to a gynecologist, like, look at
• 16:39
  Speaker 2: it that way. And then also speak to, like, a
• 16:42
  Speaker 2: mental health professional.
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: Because then you can kind of get both of those
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: things ticked off. Because sometimes these things are related and
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: sometimes they're not.
• 16:50
  Speaker 3: And sometimes it's mental and sometimes it's physical.
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, or it's a combo.
• 16:53
  Speaker 3: So, like, ensuring that, one.
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: You're healthy and okay is, like, the first step. And
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: then maybe walking back, like, your intimacy markers a little
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: bit too.
• 17:05
  Speaker 3: Like, I think.
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: we put a little bit too much pressure on ourselves
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: of the single idea of sex. Yeah.
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: And what that is.
• 17:13
  Speaker 3: And it's the, you know, penis in vagina.
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 17:17
  Speaker 3: And that's not all sex is. Like sex is, I
• 17:21
  Speaker 3: have no other way to say it.
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: But it's like sex is so much and intimacy is
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: so much more than penis in vagina.
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly.
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: It's just such like a heteronormative old school way to
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: look at it.
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: But, you know, like, Giving your partner a massage or
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: like telling them things you think about them that.
• 17:40
  Speaker 3: Is sexy or making the fuck out. That is everyone's homework.
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: If I ever run for office, my party is going
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: to be the kissing party.
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: And I'm going to make laws that everyone has to
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: kiss for at least 10 minutes a day.
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: That person. Honk if you're horny.
• 18:02
  Speaker 3: Honk if you're horny.
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 18:04
  Speaker 3: So that's what I mean. Like, sorry, I know I'm
• 18:06
  Speaker 3: being a bit cheeky.
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: No, I think that is completely fair because, honestly, that's, like,
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: something that we hadn't really raised and I think is
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: important is that intimacy also isn't just penetrative sex. No.
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: Say it the way I said it. Penis and vagina?
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: Yes. Yeah. Yes.
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah, like, it doesn't just look like that as well. Like,
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: some people.
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: That wouldn't even be part of, like, their sexual script.
• 18:33
  Speaker 3: Exactly.
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: Like, there are so many.
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: There are lots of other things that you can do,
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: like massages or oral sex or, like.
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: And, like, maybe experiment with some of those things.
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: Exactly. Like, maybe toys or, you know, like, there are
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: so many things that you can do outside of that
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: where you can still have that intimacy with your partner.
• 18:53
  Speaker 3: Exactly. Like, sex isn't just... There's not just one version
• 18:56
  Speaker 3: of it.
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah. So... Like one, I think the first step would
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: just be like, be gentler with yourself, like be a
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: bit nicer to yourself. There's nothing wrong with you. You
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: are not broken.
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: You know, and then I would make sure that everything
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: is okay physically, that you're healthy, that you're all right.
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: And then pursue, you know, the mental side of it.
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: And also just walk back your markers of what successful
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: intimacy is for you and how like you feel loved,
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: you know, because that's really what it's all about.
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly.
• 19:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah.
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: And just keep the comms open with your partner with
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: how you're feeling about it and also your friends as
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: well because I know that they might be talking about
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: their sex lives in ways that you're like, oh, shit,
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: like am I falling behind? But also I guarantee that
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: if you share how you're feeling in your experiences like
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: they're not going to turn your nose up at you
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: yeah they're probably going to be there is like a
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: whole different kettle of fish.
• 19:55
  Speaker 3: I got that one now that thank you now that.
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah so true like yeah libido is.
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: It ebbs and flows so that's also part of the
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: conversation as well and the thing is if you're associating
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: pain to sex like that's gonna You're not going to
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: have the libido that, you know, you are wanting to
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: have sex. Yeah, it's hard enough to like muster up
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: the energy once you've had a shower and.
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: Put the skincare on.
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: Oh, don't even come near me in that case.
• 20:20
  Speaker 3: I'm like, no, no, baby's in bed.
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: Okay? Don't come near me. Get me my water bottle
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: and shut up.
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I've got my Kindle and a face mask on.
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: Fuck off.
• 20:32
  Speaker 3: Hope that helps, Chickie, sending you lots of love.
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: We'll put some resources in the show notes as well
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: for you and also for anybody else who has had.
• 20:40
  Speaker 2: Like a similar question pop up.
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: Dilemma number three. Hey, chicks, strap in.
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: Lol. I found out my dad is having an affair
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: on my stepmum. He also cheated on my mom while
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: she was pregnant with me, so this comes as no surprise.
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: So this woman he is cheating on my stepmom with
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: found my Facebook and confessed everything to me.
• 21:09
  Speaker 3: Oh.
• 21:10
  Speaker 2: Not the hey, girly slide to the daughter.
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: Oh. What?
• 21:14
  Speaker 3: That's the wrong account.
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: Oh, shit.
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: Okay. This woman is only one year and six days
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: older than me. No, no, no, no, no, no. It
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: gets worse. Anne has the same hair color and texture
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: as me.
• 21:33
  Speaker 3: I'm going to be sick. I'm going to be sick.
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: Turns out my dad lied about how many kids he had.
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: He did not mention me and cried to her about
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: how I'm not allowed to see him.
• 21:42
  Speaker 3: Your dad's a dog.
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah, which is a lie because I spent every weekend
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: with him for 13 years until he moved states.
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: He also denied ever being with my mom. They were
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: married and built a house.
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: He's also told her how important family is and how
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: he wants to start a family with her. He also
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: hates his father for cheating on his mom, which had
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: severe consequences for her. Pot? Kettle?
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: What the fuck?
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: Okay. My dad's been sending this woman apartments to live
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: in so she can be closer to him. Shit. He
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: also introduced his second cousin to this woman and now
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: he also has a crush on her and made out
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: with her last week.
• 22:22
  Speaker 3: Wait, his second cousin? He made out with his second cousin?
• 22:24
  Speaker 3: Is that what that's saying?
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: Is that what that's saying?
• 22:28
  Speaker 3: Did he fuck his second cousin?
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: No, hold up.
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: This is some Game of Thrones shit right now. No.
• 22:33
  Speaker 3: We are not Targaryens. You were giving the Lion King
• 22:35
  Speaker 3: his monkey was his uncle.
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: No. Okay.
• 22:37
  Speaker 3: He fucked his cousin.
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 22:39
  Speaker 3: He fucked his cousin.
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: No. Hands up.
• 22:42
  Speaker 3: Who's fucked their cousin? No one put their hands up.
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: Good news.
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, please. Okay. No. I think what has happened is
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: the dad introduced his girlfriend. Yes. to his second cousin
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: and then the girlfriend and the second cousin have made out.
• 22:58
  Speaker 2: Am I right, Producer Brie? Okay.
• 23:01
  Speaker 3: I like my story better.
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: I kind of like this one better because it means
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: she's getting a little sneaky link and cheating on the
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: dad who's the cheater.
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: Like he's kind of getting his karma.
• 23:10
  Speaker 3: What the fuck is going on?
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: Okay, so he was wondering why.
• 23:14
  Speaker 3: My dad acts so– I need a mind map. Okay.
• 23:17
  Speaker 3: Keep going.
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: Okay, because I think what has happened is that– The
• 23:20
  Speaker 2: monkey's his uncle? Yeah, the monkey's his uncle is what
• 23:22
  Speaker 2: it's giving.
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: Because then the last sentence is he, as in the cousin,
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: the second cousin. The second cousin was wondering why my
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: dad acts so weird when he talks about her.
• 23:34
  Speaker 2: Ha, ha, ha. How crazy is that?
• 23:36
  Speaker 3: Whoa, whoa.
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: That's crazy.
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: So the second cousin doesn't know that the girlfriend is
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: dating the dad.
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: Must not.
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: What the fuck is going on? The wedding is going
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: to be really uncomfortable. Let's go back to 20 people only.
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: Oh, my God.
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: What's that thing where you can divorce your parents? emancipation
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: do that the emancipation of that that's my advice he
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: fuck that right off oh my god not.
• 23:59
  Speaker 3: My circus not my monkeys.
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: Honestly oh my god i think that's your mom.
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: Dodged a bullet yeah congrats to her yeah that's fucked
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: yeah also why i was gonna say why is she
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: sending the hey girly message to the daughter but then
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: she's only like one year older so maybe that felt
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: like a a safer option than, like, messaging the stepmom.
• 24:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly. Like, somebody who is of a similar age
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: to you.
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: What a dog. But then also the girlfriend.
• 24:33
  Speaker 3: Hooking up with both?
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: Well, yeah, I'm like, what's going on here? Because, like,
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: was that some sort of revenge? Because he sounds like
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: a dog, so he's probably done her dirty.
• 24:40
  Speaker 2: No offense.
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, if he's cheated on, like, the mom, the stepmom,
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: and then, like, he's probably cheating on the girlfriend. Yeah.
• 24:48
  Speaker 3: He has issues.
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: Absolutely.
• 24:49
  Speaker 2: Absolutely.
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: And this is tough because it's like, I think, and
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: this is a lesson that it sounds like she's learned
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: pretty early in life, but that your parents are like
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: humans as well who will make mistakes. Right? So like
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: your parents can make mistakes and you can kind of
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: like have issues with them and then, you know, resolve
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: it and move on. But in... In this situation or
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: in anything, like, it's also not your responsibility to clean
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: up his mess. Yeah.
• 25:16
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: Like, I think you could potentially give her advice and
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: be like, this is the context, like, leave. So someone
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: needs to tell the stepmom or, like, tell the dad
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: to tell the stepmom.
• 25:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: I know that, like, I've given that advice in the
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: past and there was actually really good feedback given to that, that, like,
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: you know, the person who's doing the cheating should really
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: be the person who– is telling, you know, the partner
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: and that to like send the, Hey girly message can
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: be like more harmful and hurtful as well.
• 25:46
  Speaker 3: Cause I've always been like a tell them person.
• 25:50
  Speaker 2: Um, but like, I think that's the thing.
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: It's like the first step should be to get the
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: person who's in the relationship to do it and try
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: and convince them to say something. But like somebody like
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: this is probably going to be like, I'm not fucking
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: doing that.
• 26:04
  Speaker 3: I just wouldn't even trust him to do it.
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: That's what I mean.
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: Honestly. So I'm like if you try to do that,
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: then you can also like send the message as well potentially.
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: But oh my God.
• 26:15
  Speaker 3: The second cousin making out with a girlfriend.
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: Is crazy.
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: But like I think, I don't know this for the
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: fact because we don't have this information.
• 26:23
  Speaker 3: I think the second cousin is young.
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: Because second cousins are normally like you have your cousins,
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: which are like the same age as you. And second
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: cousins are normally like the daughter or the son or
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: the child of your cousin. That's your second cousin. Sometimes
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: that's how it can work out. And so like she's
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: talking to her second cousin being like, he was wondering
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: why my dad was acting so weird.
• 26:46
  Speaker 3: So the daughter and like, Her, like, third cousin? I
• 26:50
  Speaker 3: don't know how it works. I'm getting confused. The monkey's
• 26:53
  Speaker 3: his uncle.
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: The monkey's his uncle.
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: Literally the Lion King scene. I think you should pack
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: your bags and move countries and never speak to anyone
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: ever again.
• 27:06
  Speaker 3: In your family.
• 27:07
  Speaker 2: Except your mum.
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: Honestly, the way that she's written this, I feel like
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: she is kind of, like, semi-used to this behaviour. That's true.
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: She's almost like not even– she's not really asking for advice.
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: She's just telling us the juicy dilemma which– Yeah, I.
• 27:22
  Speaker 2: Don't even think there's advice to give for this.
• 27:23
  Speaker 3: Your dad's a dog. Yeah.
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: But I think it's just a good reminder that like one,
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: this isn't like something that you should feel embarrassed or
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: any shame around. It's not your responsibility to clean up
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: the mess.
• 27:35
  Speaker 3: Nor are you your parents.
• 27:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you're not your parents. They're not a reflection of you.
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: You're not going to be someone who can't be committal
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: in a relationship. You're not someone that's going to have
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: this like thing inside you that means you're bad in
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: relationships and that would be the thing that I would
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: hate for her to think because so so often a
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: lot of people think that they're the faults that their
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: parents also have yeah and like it can absolutely really
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: affect you like attachment styles are influenced by how your
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: parents love you as a child but you're not your
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: parents yeah and like the fact that she can even
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: just recognize and be like how crazy is that and
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: it's also just fucked up that like her dad lied
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: about Their relationship.
• 28:12
  Speaker 3: Yeah, their relationship. Like, that's so hurtful.
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 28:16
  Speaker 3: And, like, he's missing out. Absolutely.
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: You know, like, he's missing out on having a good
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: relationship with you because.
• 28:22
  Speaker 3: Fuck that guy.
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 28:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: So if you do want any advice, mine would be
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: to definitely tell the girlfriend to run.
• 28:32
  Speaker 2: Run far, far away. Because even the fact.
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: That, like, sending, like, apartments so that she can live closer,
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: it's sounding... manipulative yeah to me yeah you know i
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: also really don't like that part of being like it
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: starts like stepping.
• 28:47
  Speaker 3: Into you know financial abuse.
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: It's just yucky yeah i don't like it i don't
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: like it but love you hope you're okay and you're
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: doing amazing sweetie forehead kiss and thanks to all the
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: chicks for sending in their dilemmas and confessions we love
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: to hear them as promised keep an eye out on
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: your inbox because we will be sending some prize packs
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: to the chickies who sent in their dilemmas.
• 29:12
  Speaker 2: That we read out on today's episode.
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: And if you have a juicy dilemma for us, we'll
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: also put a link in the show notes where you
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: can send yours in.
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: All stories will be kept anonymous. Details are privatized, but
• 29:25
  Speaker 2: the juicier, the better chicks.
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we want like diabolical behavior. One time some chick
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: talked about how a chihuahua took her used condom and
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: ran into the family.
• 29:34
  Speaker 3: Room with it. I want more shit like that.
• 29:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly. Like not even necessarily stories that you want
• 29:39
  Speaker 2: our advice on.
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: On. Just wild stories that will make us giggle and
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: also like it'll validate maybe some of the embarrassing funny
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: moments that you've had.
• 29:47
  Speaker 3: I'm going to feel a lot better about myself.
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: Exactly. I feel like I've given a lot of embarrassing.
• 29:52
  Speaker 2: Stories to this podcast.
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: Time to get some payback exactly you chickies return the
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: favor but exactly as always thanks for having us in
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: your ear holes we love to be here bargy boy
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: we worry