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The Kept Spouse · Dtothe3 The Podcast

0:33
SPEAKER_04: Good evening, everybody.
0:34
SPEAKER_04: Can you hear me now?
0:38
SPEAKER_04: Okay, cool beings.
0:40
SPEAKER_05: So thank you for joining us for the second episode of D to the Three the Podcast.
0:45
SPEAKER_05: Tonight's gonna be a good subject.
0:47
SPEAKER_05: It's about the kept spouse.
0:51
SPEAKER_05: So let me be very clear: the kept spouse can be the male or female, because there are some men that want to be the head of the household, and all they really bring is the head.
0:59
SPEAKER_05: But this conversation is gonna be about both men and women.
1:02
SPEAKER_05: And we want to talk about when does it become controlling?
1:08
SPEAKER_05: And when does being provided for become entitlement to talk about those things?
1:16
SPEAKER_05: Um, but at the same time, I want to turn it over to Mark so he can kind of introduce himself and tell a little bit about himself for the people that are joining us for the first time.
1:23
SPEAKER_02: Hey, so uh very, very honored to be a part of uh Carla.
1:29
SPEAKER_02: Uh very uh excited about being a part of this uh media platform.
1:35
SPEAKER_02: Uh last the the the first uh episode was great.
1:39
SPEAKER_02: Uh it was entertaining.
1:40
SPEAKER_02: We've got a lot of uh feedback, uh both both uh positive, and then we we also talked amongst each other about some things that we can learn from.
1:49
SPEAKER_02: So I'm very excited about uh what's to come.
1:52
SPEAKER_02: Uh like and share.
1:53
SPEAKER_02: Like and share, like and share.
1:55
SPEAKER_05: Okay, so for those of you who are joining for the first time, I'm Tina DeRay.
2:00
SPEAKER_05: So why D3?
2:01
SPEAKER_05: Degrees, deeds, and disappointments.
2:03
SPEAKER_05: Degrees, um, you don't necessarily have a piece of paper to obtain a degree, they can come from the scars of life, right?
2:10
SPEAKER_05: Um and I have plenty of those deeds when you are kind to someone and you show them love, or when you obtain um a piece of paper basically to um for ownership, but disappointments come in when none of those things prepare you for life, none of those things uh prepare you for illness, they don't prepare you for heartbreak, they don't prepare you for a job loss.
2:43
SPEAKER_05: None of those things can do that.
2:45
SPEAKER_05: All of our lives we're told to do these things right, we're told to go to school, we're told to get an education, pay your tithes, go to church.
2:52
SPEAKER_05: But when something happens that disrupts that plan, how do we handle it?
2:57
SPEAKER_05: Hence, D to the third power, D to the three.
3:01
SPEAKER_05: Um, tonight we're gonna go ahead and move into a video that kind of sets the stage for our conversation.
3:08
SPEAKER_05: And our lovely producer is gonna be uh behind the scenes and she's gonna go ahead and kick it off.
3:14
SPEAKER_06: News to me, news to me, yeah.
3:17
SPEAKER_03: They kind of had a little moment of contention and conflict, but this is what ends up happening in relationships, especially women are the breadwinners.
3:24
SPEAKER_03: If he ain't going to tap in with God or create a painting or create a course or going into her cubby hole of creation, she just kind of waiting for me.
3:32
SPEAKER_03: He don't get the opportunity to crave, can't wait for her to be able to come out her portal and be able to share energy.
3:39
SPEAKER_03: She just always there, like, all right, what are we doing?
3:41
SPEAKER_03: And that don't feel good to us.
3:42
SPEAKER_03: So, what's the kept spouse?
3:45
SPEAKER_02: So I'm I'm I'm I'm a little bit old school because you know, traditionally, uh, you know, my my my grandfather's worked while uh my grandmothers stayed home, right?
4:00
SPEAKER_02: And took care of the house um and the children.
4:04
SPEAKER_02: Well, things have changed now, and there are so many different dynamics that go into uh a marriage or a relationship, then you have to consider the fact of being kept.
4:19
SPEAKER_02: So I I would say initially a kept spouse, I'm gonna say it's tough to say, you know, for me, do as a man, do I want my wife to stay home and be the old school type of wife?
4:37
SPEAKER_02: Right?
4:38
SPEAKER_02: Does my wife uh or or my spouse uh consent and she agrees to do that, or does she want to have her own career?
4:46
SPEAKER_02: So it's a tough call when you really want to get into what is a kept spouse.
4:51
SPEAKER_02: I would say we if we want to just throw something out there, I would say a kept spouse is someone that's on the back burner while someone else leads, and that could be the man or the woman.
5:01
unknown: Okay.
5:04
SPEAKER_02: So go ahead.
5:05
SPEAKER_05: So, what about the men that want to be the stay-at-home partner, and the women go to work?
5:13
SPEAKER_05: Because I think that just leads to disgust.
5:20
SPEAKER_02: How so?
5:21
SPEAKER_02: Disgust?
5:22
SPEAKER_05: So I was raised in a household.
5:24
SPEAKER_05: My daddy would work three jobs, right?
5:27
SPEAKER_05: Nothing.
5:28
SPEAKER_05: Um, my siblings, I went to school on a scholarship.
5:31
SPEAKER_05: My siblings didn't even have to worry about paying for college, right?
5:34
SPEAKER_05: That was decided upon.
5:35
SPEAKER_05: They had cars.
5:36
SPEAKER_05: I mean, we didn't want for a thing.
5:37
SPEAKER_05: So, but my daddy worked three jobs, and my mother worked.
5:40
SPEAKER_05: So I just struggle with looking at a man and saying him coming to me saying, I'll be your driver and you need me to take you somewhere, and I won't work.
5:52
SPEAKER_05: I I struggle with that because I just don't believe that's what men do, men do.
5:58
SPEAKER_05: I just think that's bitchy.
6:01
SPEAKER_02: Okay, so let me give you an example then of a man that may be kept, and again I say may because we don't know the dynamics of their marriage, right?
6:10
SPEAKER_02: So when we look at uh Tapitha Brown, and everybody knows Tapitha Brown, and she uh has all these accolades, and she started off on social media uh uh doing uh cooking vegan, and now she has deals with Target and all this other stuff.
6:26
SPEAKER_02: She came on uh on on uh social media and announced that she had retired her husband, that he supported he supported her for a long time while she was fulfilling her dream, and now she is accomplished, and they are in a position to where she can retire him as a I think it was a New York City police officer.
6:48
SPEAKER_05: I think that is wonderful that she has that um type of love.
6:54
SPEAKER_02: But but I just it everybody's household is different.
7:05
SPEAKER_05: I I can say for everybody, I mean unless you want life support, I got your back.
7:10
SPEAKER_05: I got your back.
7:11
SPEAKER_05: I'm right or die.
7:13
SPEAKER_05: But to know that you're able to get up and go to work every day, and the expectancy is for me to go work, go to work, and work like a I work like a dog.
7:20
SPEAKER_05: My morning start at 3 a.m.
7:22
SPEAKER_05: and I'm usually not done until about midnight.
7:25
SPEAKER_05: So I'm not okay with looking at my partner they're sleeping in, and they're you know, want to get up and make me a little sandwich for lunch.
7:37
SPEAKER_05: I'm just not okay with that, right?
7:39
SPEAKER_05: Because I and there's nothing wrong with that type of household.
7:44
SPEAKER_05: Everybody has to do what works for them, but for me, I just can't do it.
7:48
SPEAKER_05: And honestly, that's probably why a lot of my relationships don't work out because I have a different expectancy, right?
7:53
SPEAKER_05: I'm not gonna take care of you doing your seasonal job and your it's a downturn.
8:00
SPEAKER_05: I'm just not, I'm not.
8:01
SPEAKER_05: I you can't budget my finances into your lack of, um, if you will.
8:07
SPEAKER_05: You can't expect that my finances will carry you.
8:11
SPEAKER_05: And even though you may save for what you want, there's still things that I want to do and bills that need to be paid.
8:17
SPEAKER_05: So you can't budget my money that I'm working, starting my day at 3 a.m.
8:21
SPEAKER_05: and ending at why are you smiling, Mark?
8:23
SPEAKER_02: Because you said your money, it's not y'all's money.
8:26
SPEAKER_05: Hell no, if you ain't working, hell no, it ain't our money, it's my money.
8:30
SPEAKER_02: But it was y'all money, it was y'all's money before, right?
8:32
SPEAKER_02: So while he was working, you guys had this joint situation hypothetical, right?
8:37
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so once so once he starts working, I mean, once he once he loses his income, any money that was put into this joint, whatever, is no longer his because you said your money.
8:49
SPEAKER_05: Okay, let me be very clear.
8:51
SPEAKER_05: It's our money if we're putting it into a joint savings account, checking account.
8:58
SPEAKER_05: Our money.
8:59
SPEAKER_05: But if the conversation was already had that your money's your money and my money's my money, you can't expect for my money to carry you during your off season.
9:08
SPEAKER_05: You just you can't, you can't because you've made that clear that there was there was a line of delineation in the finances to start.
9:16
SPEAKER_05: So now during the off-season, all of a sudden you want to buy some land.
9:23
SPEAKER_05: You cannot assume that I'm gonna pay that note.
9:26
SPEAKER_05: That is ridiculous, that is ignorant, and it just ain't gonna happen.
9:31
SPEAKER_05: So then the conversation shifts.
9:33
SPEAKER_05: That's when disgust-I mean, I'm sorry, but that's just when I just get disgusted and I get turned off.
9:39
SPEAKER_05: That's the reality of the situation.
9:41
SPEAKER_05: So the women's supposed to be a partnership, it's supposed to be a partnership.
9:44
SPEAKER_05: There never should have been a line of delineation in the first place.
9:47
SPEAKER_02: I agree.
9:48
SPEAKER_05: Never.
9:49
SPEAKER_02: So let me say this.
9:50
SPEAKER_02: I I you know, through th throughout the course of two marriages, uh, I I've had periods of uh unemployment, right?
9:59
SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
10:01
SPEAKER_02: I can tell you that during those periods of unemployment, those were some of the darkest moments in my in my life.
10:09
SPEAKER_02: Absolutely because because as a man, and because uh uh of the dad that raised me, watching him get up and go to work every day, I learned to be a provider.
10:21
SPEAKER_02: Right.
10:23
SPEAKER_02: So me being in a pace in a position to where I can't provide, it does something to you.
10:30
SPEAKER_02: It strips you in a sense of uh, it stripped me in a sense of uh a little bit of manhood.
10:38
SPEAKER_02: I had to get to a place to where, okay, let me let me pull myself together, let me not be the end all and be all, and let me get back to where I need to be.
10:51
SPEAKER_02: That's me.
10:52
SPEAKER_05: So let let's let's let's dissect that.
10:54
SPEAKER_05: I think the first, let's break this down.
10:56
SPEAKER_05: I think the conversation, let's look at the definition of a man, right?
10:59
SPEAKER_05: Because you said you were a man and it bothers you that you could not provide.
11:05
SPEAKER_05: Right.
11:08
SPEAKER_05: But if you were with a man in my situation that didn't care about providing and didn't care about you going without, the conversation shifts.
11:19
SPEAKER_05: So that's not a man.
11:20
SPEAKER_05: I mean, if you want to get to the crux of it, that's not a man, that's someone who was born a male, but that's not a man.
11:30
SPEAKER_05: That's that's that's just my personal opinion.
11:33
SPEAKER_02: So you're you're saying that that that if a male is okay with the wife holding it down during this this this uh dry spell, so to speak, uh, then uh something's not right or it's not bad.
11:46
SPEAKER_05: I mean, if it's not if it's not bothering you, if you're okay with it, if you're not phased by it, if you are steady adding to the list and steady pulling money out the bottom of the piggy bank and not worried about putting money in the top of the piggy bank, then there's something wrong with your masculinity.
12:01
SPEAKER_05: I do believe that.
12:02
SPEAKER_05: I truly believe that because you can't say money don't matter, but you want everything on a silver platter.
12:08
SPEAKER_02: Well, well, we all know that money matters.
12:10
SPEAKER_02: But what if what if my lady says, hey, uh, you know, I know that uh things are tight right now, uh, but don't worry about it.
12:18
SPEAKER_02: I got us, baby, because you've held us down for so long.
12:22
SPEAKER_02: Take you a minute.
12:23
SPEAKER_00: That's a different set.
12:23
SPEAKER_00: That's a different conversation.
12:25
SPEAKER_02: Well, well, well, kind of yes and kind of no.
12:28
SPEAKER_02: But it's the same thing.
12:29
SPEAKER_02: The thing about it is that in this case, the woman is being supportive as opposed to looking at him as you ain't fit.
12:36
SPEAKER_02: So it's not.
12:37
SPEAKER_05: So I'm all for that.
12:38
SPEAKER_05: I'm all for support.
12:39
SPEAKER_05: I'm right or die.
12:39
SPEAKER_05: Anybody can anybody that I've ever dated can tell you that.
12:42
SPEAKER_05: I am right or die.
12:43
SPEAKER_05: I will support you, I will sacrifice my own wants and needs to ensure my partner is okay.
12:49
SPEAKER_05: But at some point, when does enough become enough?
12:53
SPEAKER_05: When does someone say, you know what?
12:56
SPEAKER_05: I don't want, I don't need take care of you.
12:59
SPEAKER_05: That's a different conversation.
13:01
SPEAKER_05: I don't mind if my man has been ride or die for me for years, taking care of me for years and doing all of this and doing all that, and then he lose their job.
13:09
SPEAKER_05: Come on now.
13:09
SPEAKER_05: I wouldn't be shit if I didn't rock with them.
13:12
SPEAKER_05: I wouldn't be shit if I didn't rock with them.
13:16
SPEAKER_05: But everybody's not born with that same thought process.
13:19
SPEAKER_05: So am I and now I'm becoming the man, or have I always been the male in the relationship, and they've been the female.
13:27
SPEAKER_02: So when it comes to being a man in the relationship, to me, I equate the word man with leader, the word man with being the head.
13:39
SPEAKER_02: Right.
13:40
SPEAKER_02: That's that's that that that's not a title that you just inherit, you know, because you got a set of balls uh to me that's a title that's earned.
13:52
SPEAKER_02: Right.
13:53
SPEAKER_02: I I I don't walk around every day, you know, saying that I'm a man, but it's it's automatically known that I'm a man in in my character and how I um project myself, uh and things like that.
14:06
SPEAKER_02: And and the same thing goes within the household, the same type of thing, right?
14:10
SPEAKER_02: So in a sense, it it goes back to to what works for your home.
14:20
SPEAKER_02: You know what I'm saying?
14:21
SPEAKER_02: Does that make sense?
14:22
SPEAKER_05: Absolutely.
14:23
SPEAKER_05: It absolutely does.
14:24
SPEAKER_05: Everybody's home, everybody's household is different, but I'm speaking from my personal experience and my household, what matters to me, and when I'm gonna start turning my nose up and I'm going to start being disrespectful because I got a mouth.
14:36
SPEAKER_05: You know I got a mouth.
14:37
SPEAKER_02: So is there a time frame or okay, you lost your job, but shit, you got most of you got six today.
14:43
SPEAKER_05: Are you looking for a job?
14:45
SPEAKER_05: No, no, it's no time frame.
14:46
SPEAKER_05: Are you looking for a job or are you chilling all day?
14:49
SPEAKER_02: Ain't nobody hiring right now.
14:51
SPEAKER_05: Shit, it's something you can do.
14:55
SPEAKER_05: It's something you can do.
14:56
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
14:57
SPEAKER_05: Let me tell you this: you're talking to someone that has a bachelor's in computer science with a minor in mathematics and a master's in business with 30 years in IT.
15:08
SPEAKER_05: I have lost my job more times than anyone can count.
15:12
SPEAKER_05: And I have never asked, even when married, for a man to help me or fund me.
15:17
SPEAKER_05: Okay, I have applied for substitute teaching.
15:20
SPEAKER_05: I have applied at Sam's Club when I lost my job with a whole master's.
15:29
SPEAKER_05: So I don't understand.
15:35
SPEAKER_05: I don't understand that, right?
15:36
SPEAKER_05: I don't I don't have any empathy for someone that says there's nothing.
15:40
SPEAKER_05: There's something.
15:41
SPEAKER_05: There's Chick-fil-A, there's Whataburger, there's Taco Bueno, there's something.
15:46
SPEAKER_05: There's something because gas is high, groceries are high.
15:50
SPEAKER_05: So how can you contribute to the household and at least take something off my bag?
15:55
SPEAKER_05: That's all I'm saying.
15:57
SPEAKER_05: So maybe I'm not the right person to ask if I know I have all green spins the same.
16:03
SPEAKER_05: If I gotta clean your bathroom, I'm gonna clean your bathroom.
16:07
SPEAKER_05: So are you saying so?
16:09
SPEAKER_02: Are you saying that as a man, right?
16:11
SPEAKER_02: If I lose my job and you and you're holding us down, it doesn't matter where I work, it's just as long as I do work to a certain degree.
16:21
SPEAKER_02: What does that mean?
16:25
SPEAKER_05: Okay.
16:26
SPEAKER_02: Put your ass on the spot, didn't I?
16:28
SPEAKER_05: Okay, what does that mean?
16:29
SPEAKER_02: Uh-huh.
16:30
SPEAKER_05: Um, if that's all you can find, then that's all you can find.
16:33
SPEAKER_05: But if I know you're capable of more and I know you're just being complacent, that's a whole different conversation as well, right?
16:40
SPEAKER_05: Are you just incomplacent because it's something easy to do and you don't want to get back into the hustle and bustle of the rat race?
16:46
SPEAKER_05: That's a different conversation.
16:49
SPEAKER_05: But if you want to do it for a little while while you're tired, while you've been, you know, you've been on a job 20-some years and you want to get it together, hey, I'm all for it.
16:56
SPEAKER_05: But if you think, I mean, I mean, you you gotta you're talking to somebody that doesn't think like that.
17:04
SPEAKER_05: So my thought process is a little different.
17:07
SPEAKER_05: I mean, I'm not gonna lie, I usually I'm usually the breadwinner in all relationships, and I don't have a problem with that.
17:13
SPEAKER_05: I never have had a problem with that.
17:15
SPEAKER_05: But what does that actually mean at the end of the day?
17:18
SPEAKER_02: So let me ask you this.
17:20
SPEAKER_02: So, so so by you being the breadwinner, with you being the breadwinner, winner, right?
17:25
SPEAKER_02: For the in in most of your relationships, right?
17:28
SPEAKER_02: Do you allow your partner to lead?
17:31
SPEAKER_05: I do.
17:33
SPEAKER_05: I love a strong man, I love a masculine man, I love a man that leads, I love a man that can I have a strong personality, right?
17:40
SPEAKER_05: I'm a lot.
17:41
SPEAKER_05: I have a man that says, hey, get somewhere and sit.
17:45
SPEAKER_05: You gotta cuss me out.
17:46
SPEAKER_05: I'm good.
17:47
SPEAKER_05: I like that.
17:47
SPEAKER_05: It's a turn on to me, you know what I'm saying?
17:49
SPEAKER_02: So so is it is it uh is it uh I'll fix order your food, but give me your debit card so we can pay for it.
17:56
SPEAKER_02: Is it like that or or how how how does it lead you?
18:00
SPEAKER_05: That's happened before.
18:03
SPEAKER_05: So you're you're submissive, and so yes, I am actually submissive.
18:08
SPEAKER_05: I'm very submissive, believe it or not.
18:11
SPEAKER_05: Very, but I have to respect you.
18:15
SPEAKER_05: And I respect and I respect the you become a B-A-N, you become a B bitch ass nigga.
18:21
SPEAKER_05: Excuse me.
18:22
SPEAKER_05: Oh now you don't start out as a band, but we eventually move there, the more I lose respect.
18:31
SPEAKER_05: But if I look at you as a man and I know you, if I know you got a job and you've been there 22 years, and you wake up every morning, you go to bed at night at 10, and you're waking up every morning at 6 a.m.
18:39
SPEAKER_05: to do what you do, you get all the respect and love for me out of this world.
18:43
SPEAKER_05: I have no problem with saying, take my debit card and order dinner.
18:48
SPEAKER_05: I don't.
18:50
SPEAKER_05: But if I know you, you ain't doing shit, and you're planning my money to fund your lifestyle, then that's when the disrespect comes into play, and that's when peace ain't passes no more.
19:00
SPEAKER_05: I start moving furniture around.
19:02
SPEAKER_02: Well, you know, you said his lifestyle, but this is really y'all's lifestyle based on what I'm thinking about the things that I've been through.
19:09
SPEAKER_05: Usually it's always someone that has a separate lifestyle, someone needs my, you know, programming on TV to watch TV, Netflix, you know, they need my accounts to watch what they want to watch.
19:21
SPEAKER_05: They are impressed by my home.
19:23
SPEAKER_05: I find out they've sent videos to people of my house.
19:26
SPEAKER_05: I I mean, honestly, I've just made poor decisions, right?
19:32
SPEAKER_05: Discernment is a mug, right?
19:34
SPEAKER_05: So I probably made poor decisions.
19:35
SPEAKER_05: So my experiences in this conversation is based off of what I've been through.
19:43
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
19:45
SPEAKER_05: Is that fair?
19:47
SPEAKER_02: That's what it is.
19:48
SPEAKER_05: I mean, I don't have anything positive to say about it, right?
19:50
SPEAKER_05: Like someone's probably listening to this saying, okay, you know, I I I'm not.
19:54
SPEAKER_05: I'm not going out to eat with anyone anymore that says, hey, we can only order a Coke because it's free refills, and I can't get a Dr.
20:01
SPEAKER_05: Pepper and they need a Coke.
20:03
SPEAKER_05: I ain't doing that no more.
20:04
SPEAKER_02: Wait a minute.
20:04
SPEAKER_02: So they do that shit.
20:05
SPEAKER_02: That that's real shit.
20:08
SPEAKER_05: You can only get a Coke because it's free refills, and you can't get a Dr.
20:12
SPEAKER_05: Pepper.
20:13
SPEAKER_02: Thirsty ass.
20:14
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
20:16
SPEAKER_05: I was thirsty.
20:17
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I was.
20:17
SPEAKER_05: I was so I was parched.
20:19
SPEAKER_05: My chest hurt.
20:20
SPEAKER_05: My throat was dry.
20:24
SPEAKER_02: Okay, so let me ask you this then.
20:26
SPEAKER_02: So so we disrespect uh came into to the conversation, and that word stood out to me.
20:32
SPEAKER_02: Because that's a strong word for me.
20:33
SPEAKER_02: There are a couple of words that I that that kind of raised the hair on my arm.
20:38
SPEAKER_02: So what's disrespect is one.
20:43
SPEAKER_02: Disrespect disrespect?
20:46
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
20:48
SPEAKER_02: It gets my attention.
20:50
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
20:50
SPEAKER_02: So at what point, at what point during the course of a man's struggle, do you lose disrespect?
20:59
SPEAKER_05: When they are planning my money and they don't care about why when a man watches his woman wake up at 3 a.m.
21:06
SPEAKER_05: and finishes her day at 1 a.m.
21:08
SPEAKER_05: And he sees that she's tired, and he's okay with that, and he's okay with that as long as he's getting what he needs.
21:15
SPEAKER_05: That's disrespect that's to me breeds disrespect and contempt.
21:18
SPEAKER_05: When you're okay with watching your woman, huh?
21:22
SPEAKER_02: He's still sleeping.
21:24
SPEAKER_05: He's tired, he's tired from all that shit he does all day long, aka nothing.
21:29
SPEAKER_05: But you watch your woman struggle every day to get up to make it do what it does.
21:35
SPEAKER_05: Now it's not a kept spouse.
21:37
SPEAKER_05: Now you're it feels like you're entitled to what she brings to the table, and the conversation chips.
21:43
SPEAKER_02: I think at the end of the day, it's important to have these uh these types of tough conversations with your spouse.
21:52
SPEAKER_05: Uh what if you try and they say, what if you try and they say that it's a figment of your imagination, that they Shift it and they shift all blame, all responsibility, and then they say they have the money to take care of what they need to take care of, not what y'all need to take care of, but what they need to take care of.
22:12
SPEAKER_05: That's problematic.
22:14
SPEAKER_02: That's an issue.
22:16
SPEAKER_05: There you go.
22:17
SPEAKER_02: But seems like those are the type of things that you discuss up from, right?
22:21
SPEAKER_05: You try to, but when someone is based living, no, when you're a pathological liar and you lie about the lie, and the lies need a flow chart, and you start having to do like a generational flow chart of what lie bred and what started what lie to what lie, and that lie birthed some children, and then that lie had some great grandchildren.
22:39
SPEAKER_05: You you have a there's a problem with the conversation.
22:42
SPEAKER_05: So when you're dealing with someone that's not even truthful with themselves about their reality, it's kind of hard to have those conversations.
22:53
SPEAKER_00: So then what do you do?
22:54
SPEAKER_05: You're not knowing they're a pathological liar, you're not knowing that those lies bred other lies, and then lied about the lied, lied about the lied and lied about the lie.
23:01
SPEAKER_02: So you recognize these things early on, right?
23:04
SPEAKER_02: And as later on, and as okay, so as the relationship progresses, you recognize these things, then what?
23:12
SPEAKER_05: Then they start making you think like you're the problem, right?
23:15
SPEAKER_05: Because I know I have a attitude and I know I have a mouth, so they start making you and trying to make you convince you that you're the problem.
23:22
SPEAKER_05: So just based off of that, you start kind of believing that you are.
23:25
SPEAKER_05: So you're like, okay, maybe you just need to chill and calm down a little bit.
23:28
SPEAKER_05: But then the situations keep happening and they keep happening and they keep happening, and they keep planning your money while their money is being spent for other things because they're not feeling entitled and they are so used to how kind you are and how good you are, then it becomes problem it again, it becomes problematic.
23:45
SPEAKER_05: So you have to do a self-evaluation, right?
23:48
SPEAKER_05: And say, okay, maybe I'm not crazy.
23:50
SPEAKER_05: And then you pick up your friends, i.e.
23:52
SPEAKER_05: you, and you call them and say, Hey, you run a scenario down and you get a man's perspective because you want to make sure because you know me personally, you know how I talk, you know the things that come out of my mouth.
24:05
SPEAKER_05: And you tell me, you have a conversation with me, like, hey Tina, that's that's not you, you don't own that.
24:11
SPEAKER_05: So you have to go back and you have to go back to the drawing board and you have to question a lot of things because as long as they can alter their perception of reality, they're okay.
24:20
SPEAKER_05: But they don't care how you're left feeling or how you're left looking.
24:25
SPEAKER_05: That's a different conversation, and that's another show.
24:28
SPEAKER_02: Next week, next two weeks.
24:30
SPEAKER_05: Next week.
24:31
SPEAKER_05: So we're gonna write quick, we're gonna look up, bring up comments.
24:33
SPEAKER_05: I think we're gonna share the screen.
24:34
SPEAKER_05: I think we have some comments we can share.
24:36
SPEAKER_05: We're over time.
24:37
SPEAKER_05: Um gaslighting.
24:40
SPEAKER_05: Oh, gaslighting for sure.
24:42
SPEAKER_05: Totally gaslighting, total gaslighting.
24:45
SPEAKER_05: Um that's real.
24:48
SPEAKER_05: Um, next, scroll down.
24:50
SPEAKER_05: We have any more, Kim.
24:52
SPEAKER_05: Kim is our green director.
24:54
SPEAKER_06: Yes, I don't see any more comments, but I do have one for you guys.
24:59
SPEAKER_06: So as it pertains to LeBron's comment, and I know that video was buffering quite a bit.
25:04
SPEAKER_06: It was.
25:05
SPEAKER_06: But what he basically said was that um he wouldn't want to come home to a woman that was just sitting on the couch.
25:14
SPEAKER_06: Um, and the commentary was see, you guys were kind of coming from an angle of provision.
25:20
SPEAKER_06: But what positions do you take, Mark?
25:23
SPEAKER_06: What positions do you take, Tina, when provision is not the object?
25:27
SPEAKER_06: Because we all can agree that LeBron James has no uh, you know, no, no financial issues in reference to provision.
25:36
SPEAKER_06: And then secondly, they got together uh when she was in high school.
25:42
SPEAKER_06: So how much de how much development is she supposed to have because she stepped over into a to a scenario uh where she uh basically went from high school to rich?
25:56
SPEAKER_06: That's that's kind of unique.
25:59
SPEAKER_06: So just before we close out, how does y'all's position change when you remove money out of the equation?
26:09
SPEAKER_05: So I again, I'm probably not the right person to ask, right?
26:13
SPEAKER_05: Um, I've never been afforded that opportunity.
26:16
SPEAKER_05: I've always had to go be a go-getter and get my own.
26:19
SPEAKER_05: So I look at it a little differently.
26:21
SPEAKER_05: I'm just like, okay, you got all that free time.
26:23
SPEAKER_05: Why you don't go get a degree?
26:24
SPEAKER_05: Why you don't get a certificate?
26:25
SPEAKER_05: Go go curl some hair, baby girl.
26:27
SPEAKER_05: Teach jack, do go teach Zumba.
26:30
SPEAKER_05: I mean, some some type of certificate, because at the end of the day, what you're doing is you're putting your life in someone else's hands.
26:37
SPEAKER_05: So if you need a sanitary napkin, you're depending on someone to provide you the most basic needs in life, and I'm just not that girl.
26:46
SPEAKER_05: I mean, I'm not, I don't know.
26:49
SPEAKER_05: I've never, I never even could never even fathom having that much money.
26:53
SPEAKER_05: But I could also never have it, never fathom a man having that much control over my life.
26:58
SPEAKER_05: That's just me.
27:00
SPEAKER_02: Well, we don't know that he has any type of control, but here's here's what I can say.
27:04
SPEAKER_05: Well, you control every dollar, that's control.
27:06
SPEAKER_02: Who says he controls every dollar?
27:08
SPEAKER_02: You don't think she had the money set aside?
27:11
SPEAKER_05: But where did she get the money from to set aside?
27:13
SPEAKER_02: It doesn't matter.
27:14
SPEAKER_02: Well, but Savannah has her own businesses, right?
27:17
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, yeah, exactly.
27:19
SPEAKER_05: I don't know.
27:19
SPEAKER_05: I don't know her story.
27:20
SPEAKER_05: I'm just speaking how I feel.
27:22
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
27:22
SPEAKER_05: I mean, if she has her own businesses, kudos to her.
27:25
SPEAKER_05: But I've never been afforded that opportunity or that type of lifestyle, so I can't speak.
27:30
SPEAKER_05: Um, I really can't speak on it without being objective, right?
27:34
SPEAKER_05: Or being biased.
27:36
SPEAKER_02: It's totally to speak on it when it comes to that that type of money.
27:39
SPEAKER_02: But I can tell you this.
27:41
SPEAKER_02: Uh uh, you know, it I for me, I think it would be it would be kind of cool to uh be able to uh have a stay-at-home wife.
27:51
SPEAKER_02: Really?
27:52
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I think it would be cool.
27:54
SPEAKER_02: It would be cool for me to have a stay-at-home wife.
27:56
SPEAKER_02: And this this is not stereotypical, you know, but it's it's just what it is.
28:02
SPEAKER_02: So where I come home and I don't have to do anything.
28:05
SPEAKER_02: Like, I hate folding clothes now because it's just me.
28:07
SPEAKER_02: I I fucking hate folding clothes.
28:10
SPEAKER_02: I hate doing laundry.
28:11
SPEAKER_02: I love to cook.
28:12
SPEAKER_05: You come home and all this shit, still the clothes ain't folded.
28:16
SPEAKER_02: No, no, no, that's gonna be understanding.
28:18
SPEAKER_02: That stuff has to be done.
28:19
SPEAKER_02: But I'm saying, like, I love to cook.
28:21
SPEAKER_02: As much as I love to cook, I hate going to buy going to the store, getting out of work, going to the store, buying the groceries, bringing them in, putting them up, prepping, and doing all this type of stuff.
28:31
SPEAKER_02: Like, if I had somebody that would do that kind of stuff, and and that's all she had to do, if I'm handling the money and the bills and we good, I'm cool with that.
28:39
SPEAKER_02: Now, let's say, because I'll I said earlier, there's a lot of dynamics.
28:44
SPEAKER_02: Let's say that she chooses to uh continue to work.
28:47
SPEAKER_02: Sweetie, you can stay at home, don't worry about working.
28:50
SPEAKER_02: I got us.
28:51
SPEAKER_02: Well, uh, she says comes back, well, yeah, I I get that and I appreciate that, but I want to continue to work, right?
28:58
SPEAKER_02: So now you open these doors.
29:00
SPEAKER_02: Okay, so if I'm handling all the bills, what are you doing with your money?
29:03
SPEAKER_02: Is that money going to say a savings account for us?
29:07
SPEAKER_02: Is it going to an account for you?
29:09
SPEAKER_02: You know, so you open a whole lot of other different doors.
29:13
SPEAKER_05: That's a different dynamic.
29:15
SPEAKER_02: That's that's a lot of different stuff.
29:16
SPEAKER_05: You probably gonna say no, it's all my money, and I bought me some handbags and some shoes.
29:21
SPEAKER_05: What do you say?
29:22
SPEAKER_02: Then that's a motherfucking conversation to us.
29:25
SPEAKER_05: It's a sideball.
29:32
SPEAKER_05: Okay, okay.
29:34
SPEAKER_05: Thank y'all, on thank y'all.
29:36
SPEAKER_05: I appreciate y'all, and I'll see you next time.
29:38
SPEAKER_05: Bye.
29:39
SPEAKER_01: Peace out, peace out together.
29:48
SPEAKER_01: You caught the side.
29:52
SPEAKER_01: You better.