Latest / WOC and Allies: Business and Career Realtalk with Elaine Lou Cartas / 17. Burnout, Grief, and Realigning Your Life with Tricia Chinnici

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17. Burnout, Grief, and Realigning Your Life with Tricia Chinnici · WOC and Allies: Business and Career Realtalk with Elaine Lou Cartas

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_01: I am sighing because we've been two years in this pandemic.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't know about you, but I've been feeling burnt out.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_01: Or maybe you have felt burnt out.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_01: And on top of it all, you probably lost a loved one.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_01: And that's what happened to me.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_01: I lost my grandma March 2021.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_01: Her name's Mamong, and that's how you say grandma in Ilcano.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_01: And Mamong was my third parent.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_01: She watched over me and my brothers while my parents worked.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_01: It's that immigrant story.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_01: And legacy maker, if you've ever lost someone like me, when they transition from this world, I'm sure you felt this.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_01: They actually help you realign and rethink what's really important in life.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_01: And in this episode, I'm joined by one of my Collier Dream's inner circle clients, Trisha.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_01: And Trisha is an online curator and coach for highly sensitive people.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_01: We get real and vulnerable in this episode, where we share our experiences with grief.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_01: Trisha actually lost her dad at the end of 2021.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_01: And we also talk about burnout, life transitions, and how life has seasons.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_01: We can't always be in summer.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_01: I know that seems like the goal where it's always summer, it's always raining, but we can't always be in summer.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_01: So get ready for us to be real and let's drop the beat.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_01: And your host for the Coller Your Dreams podcast.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_01: So you most likely have a successful career you've built, right?
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_01: A great career or business.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_01: But what you've built may no longer feel aligned.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_01: And in the Collar Your Dreams podcast, I'm here, as well as my guests, to support women of color and allies like you to purposely pivot their business and career while collectively creating a sustainable and equitable future.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_01: We'll have a real talk on the deep inner work to create lasting transformation and the tactical strategies to create a sustainable business and career while truly enjoying your life.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_01: We both know you have a vision, roots you're proud of, and a legacy to create.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_01: Now it's time to do things your own way, on your own terms.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_01: So let's get started.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_01: Go grab your coffee, tea, and or boba, and let's call your dreams to create your legacy.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_01: Hey legacy makers.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_01: I have a special guest.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_01: Her name is Trisha, and she is an amazing mother to another girl named Elaine, or also known as Lainey.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_01: So she's kind of like my favorite of all of my clients' kids.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_01: But Trisha is also an online creator, coach of sensitives creators, and also one of my inner circle clients.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_01: And what I appreciate about Trisha since we've been working together, I think, since for the past six months, is how genuine, honest, vulnerable she is, not just to me, but her own clients.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_01: But it's that vulnerability where she just reminds us to be human.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_01: Trisha, anything else you want to share about yourself before we delve in?
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, that made me feel so good.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you, Elaine.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: I love working with you.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I specifically tend to work with um and create more sensitives.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm a highly sensitive person and I kind of work with tele-sensitive to um figure out like where we want to go in life, you know.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like we tend to fall into a lot of peaceful pleasing and wanting to make everyone else around us happy, um, and can't figure out where we actually want to go or allow ourselves even picture where we would like to go.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: And then um, and then we end up getting stuck in that perfectionism and can't actually take the steps to get there.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: And so that's what I try to do in my writing and in my podcast and in my coaching is help fellowsensitive like create and own their story.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: And so, yeah, and I've learned so much from you in that.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_01: And we had a different topic that we wanted to do for this episode, but then we started talking about like the real stuff.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, oh no, we need to talk about this stuff where both of us have experienced.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_01: So we won't talk about burnout and grief and building an aligned business to where you're at, to what season you're at.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, Trisha and I have shared this, like sometimes you just have seasons.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_01: You can't be summer all the time.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe you're just in fall and winter, and it's there because there's growth and healing you have to do.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_01: So Trisha, let's talk about burnout.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I think these past two years has been a lot for everybody, right?
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_01: There's the collective trauma of the pandemic, being isolated, not seeing people, because as human beings, you're meant to be social, and then our own personal things.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_01: So, Tricia, what do you want to share that you went through?
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_01: And I I'm happy to share what I personally went through as well these past two years and how we're managing and dealing with burnout.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah, it's been an interesting few years.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: What a time to be alive.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: Um yeah.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: So I uh I kind of my business kind of became its own thing at the beginning of the pandemic.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: And so the start of the pandemic was actually kind of nice for me because I was able to move into consulting and everybody was moving their businesses online and needed help.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: And so that was I was able to really like grow my business during the beginning of the pandemic.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: But then uh about so November of 2020, we learned that my dad was diagnosed with ALS and my you know whole life and whole world shifted and changed.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: And um, we immediately packed up and went to Texas to stay with my parents and helped them.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and basically I went and lived with my parents and um kept kept my business running while tearing from my dad, and he passed away at the end of January.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so it was very, very quick, especially for ALS.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: And then uh, you know, so my whole mindset world shifted again.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I came back to LA and kind of took a deep look at my life and was like, I can't, I can't keep going in the way that I'm going.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I was 34 at the time and my dad was 64 when he passed away.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, if I have 30 more years in my life, do I want to stay in this life?
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: And specifically, do I want to stay in this marriage?
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I had been um we had been struggling in our marriage for um, we've been in kind of intensive counseling and struggling for the last two years.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: And it kind of took finally my dad passed away for me to be like, life is too short.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: Life is too short for me to keep giving up myself.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: And so, yeah, so we separated that summer and uh I moved into my own place and have learned now like how to navigate life as a single parent and keeping my business running through all of that, and all of that, you know, on top of the pandemic, which you know, just no biggie, and all of the crazy news happening in the world.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: And um there's been some other losses and things that aren't really my story to tell, but things that I've been peripheral to and been struggling with also, and it's just been a lot.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's been a lot these last few years.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I just shared with you before we got started that I kind of learned in therapy a few weeks ago that I was burned out.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: And that burnout is years long.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: It's not just like, oh, I was burned out for a week and I took a few days' vacation and now I'm better.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: It's like real true burnout is years, and I feel like I burned out with everything with my dad and have been kind of struggling to get back into any sort of normalcy.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: The long story.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_01: Well, in in relatable terms, and I, you know what, I'm so grateful because I've been wanting to talk about grief and not just grief when someone passes, but grief when you're changing something in your life because you're also grieving who you were.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_01: So thank you for allowing me to manifest this conversation because 2020 was actually a really great year for me in business.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_01: I doubled, but I also kind of felt like this superhero, like, okay, I used to do in-person events every month.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_01: Like now let's do it virtually.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_01: And then I did it like twice a month.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_01: Like I did a lot.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I think I was like fuming on the high energy of like, let me be there for other people and hold space.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_01: And then March of 2021 happened and my own grandmother passed away.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_01: And similar to you, with that transition, I I really looked a lot like hard on myself.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, Luna is not a line.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I don't want to keep doing these events so much.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_01: Also, I'm not in my uh 20s anymore.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_01: One.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and then two, even learning that she had her own business, but uh she couldn't continue doing it because uh my grandpa passed away and she had to take care as a single mother, taking care of six kids, which I know you're you relate to that because you have one kid, she had six kids to take care of.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_01: And and she she started having mental episodes.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_01: So mental health is really important to me because I know that's genetically in my life, and I want to do preventive measures, but it really took a hard thing for me to look at okay, what's aligned and not aligned in my business and also giving yourself time and grace to grieve.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_01: Grief hits you, man.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_01: Like I mean, Mother's Day just happened when this passed, and I was like, oh, I was just thinking about my grandma.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_01: I know with your dad, Father's Day is gonna come.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_01: That it's it's a lot.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know if you saw um, I forgot which company it was.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_01: I think it was Blue Bottle.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_01: They sent an email, hey, it's Mother's Day.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_01: I know it could be really hard for people who have lost someone.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_01: If you don't want emails about holidays because it triggers you, let us know you could opt out and you could continue being in our emails.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, oh, really sensitive, you know, because it is triggering.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_01: Like your first holiday without a loved one, it's hard.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_01: Um I mean, yeah.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_01: So how did you deal with the grief of your dad?
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, what tips and advice would you have for others?
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_01: Because I also noticed a lot of people lost folks, whether it was with COVID or not COVID, my grandma did not pass away from COVID.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_01: It was her age, but still it's it's a death.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_01: But how did you deal with it?
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: Oh yeah, yeah.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_00: Um, that's a great question.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, so I think for me, one of the biggest things was kind of what you were saying, but like rethinking my business completely.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I think that um in you know, previous life before pre-COVID, you know, we had all these ideas of what productivity should be and how quickly our businesses should move and grow.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: And and I think that, yeah, that was me for sure.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: That was constantly pushing and creating new things.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: And it once the grief hit, I was like, nice to have, they're out the window right now.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: Like I am focusing just on what's important.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: And like, I mean, that was in my business and in my life.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I can't, I can't spend time like fretting about ATT and phone bills or like, you know, things like you still have to like continue your life and like paying your bills, but like allowing those little stresses to come in, or to kind of be like, oh, like all these other people are launching memberships, then I should have a membership, or I was going to launch a podcast this year, and you're like, that's not gonna happen now.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I, you know, I was ready to launch my podcast back when everything was happening with my dad, and then it was like it didn't happen again for a year and a half.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: And while that kind of felt like a failure at the time, it's like that was the absolute best thing that I could have done.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_00: Like, there's no way that I could have been who I wanted to be within my podcast at that time.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I think that that's the same thing as like leaning, and so we were talking about this about like seasons of life.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that grief you have to allow to be a season, and you have to know that it's going to be a transition time.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_00: Things are going to change, you're going to change.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I, yeah, I think that getting rid of the shame of not being the person that you were before or able to do the things that you were able to do before, and like letting that go and then starting to embrace the new person you are, and leaning into what your brief is teaching you, and what you know, if you lost somebody, you know what that person is teaching you and could have taught you.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah, letting it be a season of just being and not growing.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_00: You don't need to grow during that time, you don't need to um create, you don't need to thrive, you just need to be and just be with yourself and be with the people you love.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah, I know that's kind of a privilege, you know, obviously.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: Like we have to keep our lives going and and so, but it's getting rid of all the excess and all the extra and just focusing on like if you have to keep making money, keep making money, of course, or keep you know your business going, or if you even need to take a day job for a little while and just like I'm just gonna drive Uber for, you know, like three months while I just deal with my feelings.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like, that's okay.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah, not letting yourself feel bad.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_00: Like you'll never look back on your season of brief and be like, I wish I'd done more, I wish I'd created more.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_00: Like you're gonna say, I just been kinder to myself.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_00: What do you think about that?
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_01: Well, and and just so if you can't tell, Trisha is also a podcast host.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_01: So she may be like asking me questions as well.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I'm gonna interview you back.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_00: Just what about your experience?
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I I want to point out a couple of things, and I'm happy to share my experience as well.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_01: But you said getting rid of the nice to have, right?
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's really important.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_01: Like, what is extra?
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_01: What as opposed to what you really love doing?
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_01: And I had to look under the hood in my business, what is extra?
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_01: And what's extra was just all these other programs.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_01: And I just wanted to focus on like my inner circle program and what extra was doing events every month.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_01: Like, let's scale it back.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and there's actually a change I'm even being mindful of.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_01: I really, I mean, Trisha, you're similar to me.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_01: I just love in person.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_01: I love community.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_01: And sure, I have my monthly events, but I I'm doing events, like I have my two retreats for my inner circle clients, but I think I'll do two other events.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_01: At least there's like an event per quarter.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_01: And it's not even a business strategy, it is a mental health strategy.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like we are human beings or meant to be with other people.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_01: A second thing you said is we don't need to just do more or grow.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm also mindful of the fact like, am I just working to numb myself so I don't have to really think about my feelings and emotions and the grief?
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_01: And I am so aware of that with myself.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_01: I also can't take full credit.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_01: I want to take, I want to go clap back to my therapist for calling me out and helping me heal.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_01: Like, okay, no, I just really can't do it.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_01: I'm using work to numb myself and not really think and feel all of this.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_01: And in a spiritual sense, I don't know if you've had this, but when my grandma transitioned, I feel like I have the most beautiful relationship with her now, more so spiritually than I did physically with her.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_01: And even lately, in the past two weeks, I've been dreaming about her a lot.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and it was just like lessons.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_01: And I know for you, it was your dad who passed.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_01: And and I I have this sense of like it's finishing what she couldn't.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_01: It's finishing because she didn't have those resources that I have.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I've mentioned this so many times because I really acknowledge the privilege that we have.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_01: Like I acknowledge the privilege of how mental health going to therapy is more accepted as opposed to other generations before.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_00: Oh yeah.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_00: I I don't think either of my parents ever interested therapy.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: I think everyone can benefit from it, but especially going through grief or trauma, you can't navigate it alone.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_00: You just can't.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_00: Like you, you are, you lose all objectivity and you are just stuck in reactivity and you need somebody that can help pull you back out again.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_00: And like those spirals can can go deep.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_01: It can.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_01: And I I've also honored like because when someone passes, there's also different type of family dynamics, right?
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_01: There's a okay, wait, we need to do the stuff, right?
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_01: We need to like figure out the funeral, then there's the money situation, and then sometimes you are the spaceholder for other people's emotions and their grief when you need someone else to like hold your space and emotions.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, okay, we're relating because I was not space, yeah.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I was a space holder for my own mother because her siblings are going to her, but my mom, because their dad passed away at a young age, my my mom essentially was another parent, and she didn't have the space to like, wait, hold on.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_01: I know you guys are coming to me for stuff, but this is my mother.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's and I've kind of had a similar thing with my mom as well.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_00: And I have been, you know, I've always been an emotional person my whole life.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_00: Like I've felt things deeply always.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_00: And so when everything was happening with my dad and my family was really struggling because they are not that same way.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I was like kind of jokingly, but kind of saying, like, I've been training my entire life.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I know how to handle these deep emotions, and not that anything can prepare you for the loss of a parent or a grandparent or someone that you're insanely close to.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_00: Nothing can prepare you for that amount of grief.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah, I was cognizant and aware of how to use my emotions and handle my emotions more than other people that may not have experienced that deep of healing before.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_00: And so yeah, it's like being aware of that.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah, you do end up as the deep feeler, end up being the one that ends up having to hold space for everyone else.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_00: And that can be a lot.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_00: That's and it's too much when you when you're going through it yourself.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_00: Like I forgot who said this, but they said that when you are working with people, you have to come from a place of a star and not a wound.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_00: Like you're not in a place to help people when you're still in the wound.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_00: You it needs to scar over, and then you're able to actually speak but objectively and help others in that situation.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_00: And so it's like if you're still in the wound stage, like you it's impossible.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_00: It's impossible to really see other people objectively because you're still in it yourself.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_01: You know what?
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_01: I just really want to emphasize that.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I know we're talking about grief, but I know a lot of listeners are entrepreneurs who do post things online.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_01: And I mentioned this in a newsletter that I just posted about yesterday.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_01: And we've seemed to glorify people who are very vulnerable, sharing all the things.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_01: And then there's this shame and guilt.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I should share.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_01: And sure, like, what if you have yield and you can technically share?
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_01: I actually want to remind you, honor yourself if you don't want to share.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_01: There are things I don't want to share publicly.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, mind you, I do share openly with my own clients.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_01: Like I've shared, like, okay, this is how I grew up, this is the type of household, but just honoring that, and especially when you're in the healing stage, where if you open that wound, then it's like, okay, you have other people's opinions now or what they're sharing affecting how you're going to heal when it should just be you working through that healing, hopefully with a therapist or good friend.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_01: I just want to really encourage how therapy is amazing in comparison.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, to therapy.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_00: Um all day, every day, you know.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's, I mean, yeah, and especially going through a time like this, like even if you aren't keen on setting, you know, seeking out therapy in your normal life, it's like when you are struggling with grief, it affects everything.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_00: And you can't anticipate when it's going to come up.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that was the thing that kind of surprised me the most about this level of grief was that um, you know, I could just be out at the grocery store and pass my dad's favorite brand of coffee and just break down, you know, and you you can't.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: Can't anticipate when these moments are going to happen.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_00: And so you have to be prepared, or like you just have to know that that's going to happen, that you have to know that you aren't going to always be in control of your emotions like immediately.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_00: And then from that, yeah, that point you're not able to actually uh you're not abused to anybody.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_00: Like you literally, all you can do is just care for yourself and survive, you know?
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_00: And so if you're yeah, you're just surviving right now, that is good.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_00: That is that's all you need to do in this moment.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_00: And uh I think that yeah, there's still all this pressure to survive and share.
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I fell into that a little bit last year.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and you know, you helped me a lot with that.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_00: But I feel like I even came to you at one point and said, like, I feel like my audience only like inner, like reacts a lot when I just bare my soul.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_00: When I just share like my deepest things, that's when I tend to get the most, I don't say like attention, but just most response and connection from people, which is wonderful.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why I would share, but also it got to the point where I started to feel pressured, like like bear my soul on a regular basis.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_00: And and then that led into people asking me for advice and me saying, like, well, I can't, like, I'm not, I'm just sharing my experience, you know, like you can learn from me, and this is what's working for me right now, but I'm not in a place, like, I'm not a therapist, I'm not here to like teach you how to deal with your grief.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_00: And that was really hard for me.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_00: I felt like this like really weird like dichotomy in my business of wanting to share, but feeling like, yeah, that I had to share from a specific place, and it still felt very performative sometimes.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and that kept me from actually healing and sharing in a way that yeah, was healing for me rather than performing and pretending.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_01: And I really loved what you just said right now.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_01: Performative, you know, performative sharing as opposed to like what you just intentionally want to share.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_01: Or if you don't want to share at all, because you're not feeling it.
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_01: I'm working with two D ⁇ I consultants and they've been in this podcast and something I've learned from them is social media was created so we just because they want us online all the time, like using their platform to communicate.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_01: Which is really scary because as social human beings, yes, we want to connect, but then we're using their platform.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_00: It's yeah, there's just something and it's energy.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_00: Like I'm, you know, it's like a sensitive, I'm very sensitive to energy.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_00: And there you can't, you do not get the same energy even through Zoom, much less through, you know, Instagram or something where you're just seeing this like little snippet of somebody's life.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_00: Like, that's not a connection.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_00: Like you can speak to somebody or you can like maybe like affect them with their words a little bit, but you're not actually building any sort of real, like energetic exchange, you know.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and that's key.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, that's like everything in life.
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_00: That's what we're built for is that like energy exchange with people that resonate with us.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_00: And um, that's impossible to do through social media.
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_00: But you can take it, but authentically, it's not real.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_00: That's not a thing.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_01: Well, and I kind of want to reflect back on one of the episodes I've shared is are you tracking, and so I have to go like business coach right now, but are you tracking where your clients are coming from and how many of them are coming from Instagram or Facebook or TikTok, whatever it is.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_01: And if you realize they're not so much, then why are you doing that?
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_01: Like, for example, 85% of my business are referrals and reales.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_01: So I just know I just have to connect with people.
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_01: And in social media, I'll just I'm just like learning to post for fun.
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_01: And also, I mean, both of us are like in our mid-30s.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_01: I'm also cognizant, which is why I think both of us have our own podcasts, where I'm sorry, but like my whole age group, they're they all are parents or they're all older and they want to live their life, they want to go on vacations.
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_01: Our age group and our demographic of people that we serve, they're not online anymore or not as much.
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and not seeking out yeah, help or connection online.
• 26:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I totally get that.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I my biggest source of income or like clients is from social media.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and so it's something that I've had to like learn to lean into, but I am realizing how much it's like it's not from the posting.
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_00: The posting is what like attracts followers and like kind of helps people get to know me a little bit, but it's from the DMs.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_00: It's from just connecting with real people.
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_00: And um, you know, there's only so far that DMs can take you, but as far as just getting actual like relationships started and stuff, it's like it's from the deeper part of that and like using social media purely just as a relationship builder in order to get deeper rather than attention seeking and putting yourself out there.
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_00: Like that's something I say a lot with my clients, is like connection over attention.
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I feel like that's what social media is the only way it should be used at this point, is for connection.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_01: Well, yeah, I love what you just said connection over attention.
• 27:09
  SPEAKER_01: When I first started my business, I got a lot of people on Facebook when Facebook was really big to get business.
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and it was over the DMs like, oh wow, this person's asking me questions.
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_01: Like, what's your biggest challenge in your career right now and business?
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_01: What support do you need?
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_01: And I would give tips and then they'd want to get on a call.
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_01: It's unfortunate that we just live in a world where people think it's like Amazon Prime, like business will just come to you, not thinking that you have to build relationships.
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_01: I kind of give the comparison of Do you really want to have your first date with someone like over Zoom?
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_01: Like, don't you really want to get to connect with them?
• 27:45
  SPEAKER_01: Actually, my boyfriend and I we met online through Coffee Meets Bagel and like we just got on the phone quickly to just like connect as opposed to like just sending messages, right?
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_00: I but I'm a big fan.
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_00: I will not go on a first date without having spoken on a phone.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_00: Need that time, but it's like you can't just text and then just be like, oh, I know you now.
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_00: Like I need to actually like hear your voice and like hear your natural.
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's that's the energy exchange.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's the same thing.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_00: It's the closest you can, you have to keep like, yeah, getting as close as you can get until you can finally do that in person.
• 28:19
  SPEAKER_01: So I know we've like mixed it where we're talking about personal with grief and talking about also just social media performative, but I want to go back to, you know, creating an a more aligned business, especially after that grief and that life transition of you now being a single mother.
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, can you walk us through of how you tried to figure it out of okay, this is what I want to do, this is what I don't want to do.
• 28:47
  SPEAKER_01: Let me just honor the season I'm at.
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_01: Like we were saying earlier, it's not meant to be summer all the time because it if it is, then like, how's the soil supposed to be ready to plant?
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 28:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I feel like you get to the point where you are um like you keep trying to grow new petals without noticing all the other ones that are like withering away, you know, and so it's like you need that time to like let the old things die off and to like get back in touch with your branches and your roots.
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_00: And so that way everything that you're growing is like coming from your roots and you're not like having to, yeah, constantly just kind of be creating new petals around the ones that are dead.
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_00: Like you want everything to fall off and then create these brand new petals that have come from this deeper place, and yeah, and so I think that I can I I can tell a lot of what not to do.
• 29:38
  SPEAKER_01: Go ahead, feel free to share.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_01: Let us know your mistakes so we don't have to do it, you know.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, oh, buckle up.
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so um, I will say that the one of the things, so I had um a memory come up, like an Instagram memory come up from February like 11th.
• 29:59
  SPEAKER_00: My dad passed away on January 29th, and I had a uh Instagram memory come up from February 11th of me announcing a workshop that I was gonna teach.
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that it was kind of what you were saying, like jumping into work as a way to kind of avoid my feelings.
• 30:18
  SPEAKER_00: My dad was very complimentary of my work and loved my work, and so I thought that maybe that that was kind of a way of like honoring him was just to like thrive.
• 30:27
  SPEAKER_00: Like, and so I think I put all this pressure on myself to come back, and then especially moving into ending my marriage and feeling a lot of pressure to obviously now create extra income.
• 30:36
  SPEAKER_00: Um, that I really feel like I put so much pressure on myself immediately to grow my business and to thrive.
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and so I and I was miserable.
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_00: I was miserable and like I couldn't focus, I didn't like the stuff that I was creating, I wasn't serving my clients well.
• 30:55
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I let things fall off without actually like handling them well.
• 31:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I think I was just constantly in this state of like new, new, new, new, new.
• 31:04
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe it was just this like adrenaline from uh, you know, wanting to overcome the grief.
• 31:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I was, you know, out of this like really kind of oppressive marriage.
• 31:13
  SPEAKER_00: And so I felt this like new sense of freedom.
• 31:16
  SPEAKER_00: And so that was kind of then.
• 31:17
  SPEAKER_00: So like I feel like really going into the fall, I was just like, all the experiences and all the people and creating workshops and groups and um really trying to just build, build, build in my business.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I didn't like any of it.
• 31:31
  SPEAKER_00: I started moving into a direction where I was starting to um, I was kind of being just really reactive.
• 31:36
  SPEAKER_00: I had no idea what I really wanted, I was just kind of responding to what other everyone else wanted around me.
• 31:40
  SPEAKER_00: And so I started creating stuff around social media and like Instagram and being like, well, everyone keeps talking about Instagram, so maybe I'll just become kind of like an Instagram expert for sensitive.
• 31:49
  SPEAKER_00: And but I was talking about Instagram all the time, and I'm like, I hate this.
• 31:53
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I hate talking about Instagram, and I don't want to like like make all of my personal success over other people's social media growth.
• 32:02
  SPEAKER_00: Like that didn't actually feel aligned with me at all.
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_00: And so yeah, I just became really reactive and didn't actually take any time to get aligned with what I wanted.
• 32:12
  SPEAKER_00: So I will say the biggest thing that I did right was hire you and join um your mastermind.
• 32:21
  SPEAKER_00: And um, it's I mean, I feel like it's the same thing, like having a business coach is like a therapist for your business, you know, with the right coach.
• 32:29
  SPEAKER_00: It's like in the same way that you need therapist for your mental health, you need somebody who has objectivity on your business and who has experience with this and training and knows what they're talking about to support you and to, I feel like, yeah, that's something that you've done so beautifully for me is helped give me a line again.
• 32:49
  SPEAKER_00: Like you really, really are so deeply focused on what we're thinking about those roots, and you helped me stop just like putting petals up and petals up and actually said, like, well, what's going on with your branches?
• 33:01
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what's going on with like your roots?
• 33:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, oh no, I'm not thinking about those right now.
• 33:07
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm just petals, petals, petals, petals.
• 33:10
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and yeah, so I just appreciate that so much.
• 33:13
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like since working with you, I've um made huge strides in actually figuring out what I want to do.
• 33:21
  SPEAKER_00: And now I'm like from going last fall talking about Instagram, and now this like spring, I'm like I'm writing poetry and creating and doing things that I feel like I've always wanted to do, and that aligned with me so deeply.
• 33:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I've been able to help my clients in such a deeper way, um, because I'm coming from my roots, like I'm coming from a place of like deep truth, and that's really hard to do when when you're grieving, and then that's also really hard to do when you are just keeping busy and like stuck in this daily grind.
• 33:59
  SPEAKER_00: Like you have to take that time away.
• 34:00
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why like your treats, your retreats have been life-changing for me, really, because it's actually allowing myself to take that time away, you know, and especially as a mom, I'm constantly doing something, you know.
• 34:13
  SPEAKER_00: It's like if I'm not working, I'm focused on her and building things for her and you know, setting up my new place.
• 34:19
  SPEAKER_00: And it was really easy just to stay busy, busy, busy and caring for everybody else.
• 34:24
  SPEAKER_00: And that's something that you've really taught me is how to perceive and to actually take the time for myself to um yeah, like allow myself to really go where I want to go, um, and get over that that fear and that perfectionism that pops up so so frequently.
• 34:45
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and then and then the shame.
• 34:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that that's like that's a whole other topic we're gonna get into, but um that's something that I've really worked on and worked with my clients on is like shame and business.
• 34:57
  SPEAKER_00: And that's uh grief, you know, is just a quick step away from shame and we can start to feel like go into these shame spirals within we're not able to perform while we're in grief, or we stay extra busy to avoid all of that.
• 35:10
  SPEAKER_00: So uh I've kind of gone back and forth between avoiding it and then just delving right into it.
• 35:15
  SPEAKER_00: And now I feel like I'm finally starting to embrace what those seasons look like and how to make them work for me.
• 35:21
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 35:22
  SPEAKER_01: And even in the micro concept, I mean, I tell my clients this too, um, as women, right?
• 35:27
  SPEAKER_01: It's okay, well, I'm on my my period's coming up, or I'm on my period.
• 35:31
  SPEAKER_01: I don't want to feel like I'm doing anything.
• 35:34
  SPEAKER_01: And you were saying receive.
• 35:35
  SPEAKER_01: You've learned to receive.
• 35:37
  SPEAKER_01: And I joke around with my clients like, how do you get an orgasm?
• 35:41
  SPEAKER_01: Well, you have to be completely relaxed and learn to receive and be completely on attack to the result of it.
• 35:50
  SPEAKER_01: And one of the things that we've worked on together is really honoring your schedule and time.
• 35:55
  SPEAKER_01: You know, we talked about, I mean, you're a single mother, but you have your daughter every other week.
• 36:01
  SPEAKER_01: So I've been telling you if I'm like, okay, I'm gonna do the schedule A, schedule B, where it's like, okay, the weeks that uh that Trisha has Laney, her daughter, that's when she's not gonna be doing as much calls.
• 36:13
  SPEAKER_01: But the weeks that Laney's not there, then she's gonna be doing calls.
• 36:16
  SPEAKER_01: So then it meets the need of being having a great relationship with your own daughter, as well as having a great relationship and giving the client service that your clients deserve.
• 36:27
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and like giving time for the different parts of your life.
• 36:31
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and because when you're totally focused on your business, like you know that everything else starts to fall around you, and that ends up becoming the people most important to you.
• 36:40
  SPEAKER_00: That becomes yourself, that becomes your home, that becomes your community and all the other things that are important to you.
• 36:46
  SPEAKER_00: And that will feed into your business.
• 36:49
  SPEAKER_00: When you start to feel bad about all those other things falling and like failing around you, then it's like that keeps into your business also.
• 36:56
  SPEAKER_00: And so it's like it's good for your business to take care of the other parts of your life because when you are thriving and happy in all parts of your life, that's when you can actually show up fully for your business and for the people that you serve.
• 37:07
  SPEAKER_00: I've learned so much of that from you.
• 37:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 37:09
  SPEAKER_01: Well, be careful, and this is probably gonna get to a lot of our listeners.
• 37:13
  SPEAKER_01: Be careful of creating a codependent relationship with your business or career.
• 37:20
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, can you say that again?
• 37:22
  SPEAKER_01: So be careful of creating a codependent relationship with your business or career.
• 37:29
  SPEAKER_01: It is a separate entity of you, right?
• 37:32
  SPEAKER_01: It's important to create those boundaries.
• 37:35
  SPEAKER_01: I remember even saying it to my own therapist where I was like, wow, I realize when I close a cell, I'm like really high.
• 37:43
  SPEAKER_01: Like, oh, yes.
• 37:45
  SPEAKER_01: But then, like when things are not going my way in my business, then I'm sad.
• 37:51
  SPEAKER_01: And trying to think about that.
• 37:53
  SPEAKER_01: You know your friends that have that toxic relationship of oh my god, I get so angry yesterday.
• 37:58
  SPEAKER_01: Like it got me really like he's happy.
• 38:01
  SPEAKER_01: And because my my partner's happy, I'm happy.
• 38:04
  SPEAKER_01: Like that's a codependent relationship, right?
• 38:08
  SPEAKER_01: So making sure you're not doing that with your within your own business.
• 38:12
  SPEAKER_01: And what's interesting is um one of the actual items I gave you to on our VIP day was to like do a little Airbnb trip.
• 38:20
  SPEAKER_01: And this always happens with my clients.
• 38:22
  SPEAKER_01: They go on vacation and then clients all of a sudden want to work with you because you gave yourself time and space.
• 38:29
  SPEAKER_01: Can you explain that more, Tricia?
• 38:31
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yes, that was, I mean, that was a game changer.
• 38:35
  SPEAKER_00: So part of being in your mastermind is we have this VIP weekend that we go to the Langham and Pasasena.
• 38:41
  SPEAKER_00: It was amazing and it's just a beautiful weekend.
• 38:44
  SPEAKER_00: And um, that was one of the things I kind of said with myself that I was like, well, one of my goals, my personal goals is to like travel more and maybe even like kind of take little trips by myself.
• 38:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I'd been really wanting to go to this like little town up in the wine country and had kind of been like, oh, I've been really thinking about it.
• 38:59
  SPEAKER_00: And you were like, get on Airbnb right now and book it.
• 39:03
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, what?
• 39:04
  SPEAKER_00: Like, get get on Airbnb, like let's figure out a weekend.
• 39:07
  SPEAKER_00: Let's just weekend for you and and and go.
• 39:11
  SPEAKER_00: And so booking it right there, and it would have taken me weeks, maybe even months, to actually book this trip.
• 39:17
  SPEAKER_00: And you had me do it right there, and I went the next month, and um, it was amazing.
• 39:23
  SPEAKER_00: It was like everything that I wanted it to be.
• 39:25
  SPEAKER_00: That was when I I dedicated one full night to just working out my podcast, and it was like I was so inspired being out in nature.
• 39:32
  SPEAKER_00: If I had tried to do this at home, there's no way I would have, um, and away from distractions.
• 39:38
  SPEAKER_00: And um, and then I posted about this trip that I'm on, and then yeah, and then it was like that next week I had like four discovery calls for people that all work with me after this vacation because they see that I'm the sort of person that can go on vacation with my business.
• 39:52
  SPEAKER_00: And people want that energy and want to work with people that have that balance, you know.
• 39:58
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, nobody nobody aspires to be, for the most part, aspires to be the person who works 24-7.
• 40:04
  SPEAKER_00: You know, most of the time when we're wanting to build wealth, it's because we want to have more time.
• 40:09
  SPEAKER_00: We want to have the wealth in order to be able to like buy our own time back essentially.
• 40:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I think we keep waiting to get to some certain level of wealth to like allow ourselves to do that.
• 40:19
  SPEAKER_00: And we can do that now.
• 40:20
  SPEAKER_00: We can do that this weekend.
• 40:22
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you can book a$75 Airbnb for one night, you know, two weeks from now and change your life.
• 40:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 40:31
  SPEAKER_00: And so that was uh a great experience for me, Elaine.
• 40:35
  SPEAKER_00: I can't even tell you.
• 40:36
  SPEAKER_00: And now I've been trying to do that more regularly and just taking little trips for myself, and it's like a little gift to myself.
• 40:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I feel so much better about myself.
• 40:44
  SPEAKER_00: I feel better about my life.
• 40:46
  SPEAKER_00: I'm able to create that I'm out there in a way that I'm not able to at home.
• 40:49
  SPEAKER_00: And then it inspires other people to do the same thing.
• 40:53
  SPEAKER_01: You have to think about it.
• 40:54
  SPEAKER_01: For the past two years, we've been like stuck at our homes.
• 40:57
  SPEAKER_01: Like there are no boundaries.
• 40:58
  SPEAKER_01: Our home is our personal, right?
• 41:00
  SPEAKER_01: And it's also where we're working.
• 41:02
  SPEAKER_01: We're both working, we're both doing this interview in our podcast.
• 41:06
  SPEAKER_01: So getting out, like I remember I remember having this conversation with my therapist too, telling her, I feel like a lab rat.
• 41:13
  SPEAKER_01: Like I'm just at home and then I go do yoga.
• 41:16
  SPEAKER_01: Like you need also spontaneity and variety in your life, like not having it planned.
• 41:24
  SPEAKER_00: And you're just a podcast.
• 41:27
  SPEAKER_00: I would say, like, this table that I'm working at right now is like covered in my daughter's twins.
• 41:32
  SPEAKER_00: Like it is not the most conducive work environment in the world.
• 41:37
  SPEAKER_00: Like it it really does take going somewhere that's just fresh.
• 41:40
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah, it is.
• 41:42
  SPEAKER_01: And I and you stated this earlier, this notion of like we want to go back to productivity of what we were doing pre-pandemic.
• 41:50
  SPEAKER_01: It was before we hit record, and then I told Trish, I'm like, what if that's not normal?
• 41:56
  SPEAKER_01: What if that's not what we're meant to do as humans?
• 42:00
  SPEAKER_01: What if the pandemic was also created for us to challenge how to actually really live, live, live, right?
• 42:08
  SPEAKER_01: Not just this productivity of doing all the things.
• 42:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I've been kind of saying this from the beginning, but like this thing I was like after the black plague came the Renaissance, you know, and it was like, I think it was the same thing.
• 42:22
  SPEAKER_00: People had this kind of like new lease on life and were embracing art and embracing science and moving away from um, you know, like toiling and servitude, and that all kind of happened within the Renaissance.
• 42:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I have this dream and hope that like we'll be moving into some sort of whatever we can in 2022, some sort of our own renaissance, and that people will take a step back from just uh producing for productivity's sake, and um have a focus on creating and discovering and relationships and what's actually important to us as humans.
• 42:59
  SPEAKER_00: Um my therapist is always reminding me, she says we're human beings, not human doing.
• 43:04
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 43:05
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and that is, yeah, I have to keep that in mind.
• 43:08
  SPEAKER_00: I have that like litten up in my kitchen.
• 43:10
  SPEAKER_00: And so like I'm a human being, and just by being is where I'm human.
• 43:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's not in the doing that makes me human, it's in the being.
• 43:18
  SPEAKER_01: And I mean, it's unfortunate that society has taught us like push through, keep going, you know, even so much that we've learned in the Olympics the past two years because I know they've been pushed back.
• 43:30
  SPEAKER_01: Um shout out to Simone Wilde for like honoring her body and her energy to not pushing through.
• 43:36
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm actually going through a trauma informed certification with Adria Moses.
• 43:43
  SPEAKER_01: And there's also this book called like the body keep score.
• 43:50
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, you've got so much of my feelings and emotions already there, but like in a sense that there's still much answers in our own body.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_01: when we listen.
• 44:02
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it's kind of like I think back in our 20s, right?
• 44:04
  SPEAKER_01: We're like, don't date this jackass.
• 44:08
  SPEAKER_01: And then you date him.
• 44:10
  SPEAKER_01: And then the sex is awesome.
• 44:12
  SPEAKER_01: And then you break up and you're like, I knew it.
• 44:15
  SPEAKER_01: I knew it.
• 44:18
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 44:19
  SPEAKER_01: Well, there's that context.
• 44:20
  SPEAKER_01: Or if you have a business, you get on a call with someone, a sales call.
• 44:24
  SPEAKER_01: And not that they're crazy, but you just realize they're not a great fit.
• 44:27
  SPEAKER_01: But then you're like, no, I need the money.
• 44:29
  SPEAKER_01: And then you like convert them and you're like, then if something happens, it's no longer a client, you're like uh knew it, like our body really knows, or when it's just, you know what, I'm just not feeling doing this event right now.
• 44:44
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm not saying you have to be drastic, right?
• 44:48
  SPEAKER_01: So when I used to do the free monthly events and I want to test it, okay, what if it's not monthly?
• 44:52
  SPEAKER_01: What if it's bi monthly?
• 44:53
  SPEAKER_01: Then I went bimonth.
• 44:54
  SPEAKER_01: Like no, it's too much.
• 44:56
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, let me do it quarterly.
• 44:57
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 44:58
  SPEAKER_01: Uh I don't want to do it.
• 44:59
  SPEAKER_01: Like the last free quarterly one I did was end of last year.
• 45:03
  SPEAKER_01: And then I was like, oh, I think what it is, it's because it's free.
• 45:07
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't think I want to do that anymore because I don't want to serve beginning entrepreneurs.
• 45:13
  SPEAKER_01: Instead I'll refer them to Trisha to work with.
• 45:15
  SPEAKER_01: I want to work with more established.
• 45:17
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember even creating this change and it wasn't overnight.
• 45:20
  SPEAKER_01: I went to you Trisha and asked for feedback.
• 45:22
  SPEAKER_01: And you're like, actually it would help me more to be around more established entrepreneurs.
• 45:28
  SPEAKER_01: I mean you were on the other side of that and you've seen the whole transition.
• 45:31
  SPEAKER_01: What did you appreciate about then?
• 45:33
  SPEAKER_01: What did you learn about that for yourself?
• 45:36
  SPEAKER_00: Oh I feel like I learned that one, we don't have to do everything.
• 45:41
  SPEAKER_00: We don't have to work with every single person.
• 45:44
  SPEAKER_00: I think that yeah we get into especially beginning of business, we think that we just need to take any business that's coming in and um and maybe at the beginning of business you do, but there is you you've got you have to set a point that at some point you don't.
• 45:57
  SPEAKER_00: And so I feel like that was really inspiring to see that example from you of how you can gracefully not work with everybody and knowing what you specifically align with yourself and what really resonates with you.
• 46:13
  SPEAKER_00: And and that you don't have to do all the things like we get stuck in all these shoulds like should should should in our business and say what do I actually want to do?
• 46:22
  SPEAKER_00: What actually what is that like Howard Sherman quote where he says like don't ask yourself what the world needs ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go and do that because what the world needs is people who come alive.
• 46:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that that is the the thing in business that it's like people want to work with people who are alive.
• 46:40
  SPEAKER_00: And I feel like you are so good at that about constantly finding the life in your business and the life in yourself that you can bring to your business and uh yeah and like knowing that you can do that in by simplifying and you can help all of us in a much deeper way because you resonate so much deeper.
• 46:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I've seen it like I feel like I've seen you um yeah I mean like you've always been an amazing coach but I feel like you've yeah really been able to harness into our specific group now and what we specifically need and things like the weekly accountability emails and things that you're able to maybe have space and capacity for that you didn't have before because you were trying to help everybody.
• 47:22
  SPEAKER_00: And so yeah I've specially very much appreciated.
• 47:26
  SPEAKER_01: Well and I I mean I shared openly and I'm not going to share all the details but I remember I went through this situation with a with a client and I'm like oh gosh there's so much I could learn from this and I felt like shame because I do take pride in my client service.
• 47:43
  SPEAKER_01: I do.
• 47:44
  SPEAKER_01: I know that I am amazing but then when someone is not happy but then it's also like okay what is the root of this what do I need to change?
• 47:52
  SPEAKER_01: What do I need to fix?
• 47:53
  SPEAKER_01: And that's led me to doing those accountability action items that you guys get every week.
• 47:59
  SPEAKER_01: And it's growing and learning on what you love doing and learning that you don't have to do all the things and maybe doing all the things is actually keeping you from living the life right like I go do yoga at least three times a week.
• 48:14
  SPEAKER_01: That's amazing.
• 48:16
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah it's that same thing about being proactive instead of reactive and yeah it's like it's so easy to allow everyone else to dictate where our business goes or to allow us to like other people to dictate how we feel about our businesses.
• 48:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I love that you always turn internally and saying like what can I control in this or like what is it in me that attracted the situation or what is it in me that I can control because you can't control other people all we can fix is ourselves.
• 48:43
  SPEAKER_00: And so taking that time to turn internally is huge.
• 48:46
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the only way like you could easily just blame the other person and be like well she was you know he or she was you know just a bad client or you can it's so easy to blame everyone else and instead saying like how can I make sure that this doesn't happen again for me.
• 48:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I yeah that's huge.
• 49:02
  SPEAKER_00: So huge and yeah especially in business it's easy to blame everyone else and really it's like it's down to us and who we are and what we want.
• 49:09
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 49:11
  SPEAKER_01: I just love how deep and personal you get and just how transparent you get Tricia.
• 49:18
  SPEAKER_01: How can people find you if they want to work with you yeah I um so I have my podcast.
• 49:25
  SPEAKER_00: It is called it's not business it's personal and so if you can't tell that's something I love to talk about and so that's my goal with the podcast is just to flip the scripts on how we talk about business and we're taught that it's not personal it's business and I disagree.
• 49:39
  SPEAKER_00: And if you disagree too then please come check it out.
• 49:42
  SPEAKER_00: And then also I uh I'm on Instagram so I'm Trisha.piniche and you can get the spelling of my name from uh Ellie's podcast description.
• 49:53
  SPEAKER_01: And Trisha some people listening are possibly interesting interested in wanting to work with me and join the Color James Circle.
• 50:01
  SPEAKER_01: I mean you've worked with me for I over six months I can't do the math in my head.
• 50:06
  SPEAKER_01: What would you like to share with folks about what you've enjoyed about working with me and even your not just business results but also personal results yourself oh so I would say I mean one of the best things is that I feel like you just attract the best people like the best people.
• 50:27
  SPEAKER_00: Like you I mean you are an amazing person and so I feel like you have just amazing people come into you.
• 50:33
  SPEAKER_00: And so I I mean I I can't tell you like every single person that I meet through you I learn from and have gotten to work with in some way and and so just that alone of just the can like the network and the um community within your group is wonderful and amazing.
• 50:50
  SPEAKER_00: And it's just wonderful people who are all doing like incredible things like from you know like so purpose driven and it's just inspiring.
• 50:59
  SPEAKER_00: I also personally as a sensitive person really appreciate the accountability.
• 51:03
  SPEAKER_00: That's something that I really need is having somebody who's checking in with me and saying like hey we talked about this project how's it going as a people pleaser I tend to work well by pleasing other people and so it's nice to have somebody who with no pressure you know you do it in such a wonderful way.
• 51:20
  SPEAKER_00: But for myself it's just nice to have that little like accountability.
• 51:24
  SPEAKER_00: I need that.
• 51:25
  SPEAKER_00: And you do it in such a like gentle and caring way.
• 51:29
  SPEAKER_00: And then also I would just say like I've learned so much from you just in the exercises you do and the way that you do your coaching but also just learning from you and your business and it's that work-life balance which is this ubiquitous you know concept that everybody talks about of like work-life balance and it's like I feel like you approach it in such a unique way and things like figuring out like our energetic cadence for the week and things that I had never even thought to do that have really like really changed my life really changed the way that I look at my personal time versus my work time and how I can combine those things.
• 52:04
  SPEAKER_00: Like when you give us business or like like things to work on and we're setting goals and we're not just talking about like business goals and like okay we're gonna reach out to free people about this project this week but we're also saying like okay so you're going to like I think art is very important to you and you're like okay so let's set it that you're going to create something every day.
• 52:20
  SPEAKER_00: Like you're going to do some sort some sort of form of art every day.
• 52:24
  SPEAKER_00: And just having making that a priority as well as the things is just a game changer.
• 52:31
  SPEAKER_00: A game changer like I just I feel so much happier and more able to show up in my business because I'm also taking care of my life and where I want to go in that way too.
• 52:41
  SPEAKER_00: And so that's a very long-winded answer is to say you do not hesitate this group like it's a really like really really a game changer and yeah but not to mention that I've improved my sales like I made back what I pay for this group like right away and so it really has been yeah it's paid for itself already and then continues to and so yeah thank you.
• 53:07
  SPEAKER_01: No I mean thank you like you were saying Trisha I just love every single human because we have women non-binary folks in the in the Color Dream Center circle and yes I'm a business coach but it's really about creating that sustainable life because when we die we're not going to be thinking oh I could have sent that one email it's like no for you Trisha it's like you spending time with Laney right or I mean it's interesting for me it's like yes being with the people I love like my boyfriend and family but also like just being in nature like being in mammoth.
• 53:43
  SPEAKER_01: Oh I can't wait to be in mammoth again.
• 53:45
  SPEAKER_01: And summer is about to come.
• 53:47
  SPEAKER_00: Jealous yeah but it's like coming from that deeper place to build in your legacy like I feel like so many coaches are just about like leads and like hot leads and how to close sales and convert and you know where I mean you are like are knowledgeable in that but it comes from such a deeper place of like service and creating a business that like to mean something and really like changes people's lives and that resonates with me so much more than like you know launch funnels and sales funnels and you know like all of these things that like just become strategy that you like we all know like we know generally how to make sales you know you need to just reach out to people and ask them if they want your service.
• 54:28
  SPEAKER_00: Like that's like we all know generally how to do sales but it's the deeper part that like to give you the confidence to keep doing that is what you need.
• 54:35
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what I feel like you've provided and spade.
• 54:39
  SPEAKER_01: Oh Trisha well if you guys want to join the inner circle schedule that call with me at elanelew.com forward slash call.
• 54:47
  SPEAKER_01: So it's C-A-L-L.
• 54:49
  SPEAKER_01: And then Trisha I always love ending my podcast episodes with two things.
• 54:53
  SPEAKER_01: One what is a reflective question that our colored dreams community could ask themselves and two what's an action item okay I love this so for a reflective question I would say ah that's a really good one.
• 55:15
  SPEAKER_00: Okay so I something that I ask myself regularly is if if there was no obstacles or no limit if you know I everything would just go my way, where would I want to be in five years or even one year or even 90 days from now but allowing myself to dream without obstacles and so setting it's like five years is usually where I go but if that seems too far off and you're just in this like I just need to get through the next month then it's kind of like in my dream world where would I end up in a month?
• 55:50
  SPEAKER_00: And so I feel like that's a really good reflective question just to think on and to help kind of reprioritize if you feel like there's a lot of extra stuff going on right now that you're not really sure where to go then to really put back to where you actually picture yourself and in your dream life and allowing yourself to dream that so that's the reflective question.
• 56:08
  SPEAKER_01: And then what was the second thing sorry yeah well it might be the same thing but if you have another one that's great.
• 56:13
  SPEAKER_00: What is an action item ooh okay and then an action item is okay so I guess you can meld those together and so the action item would be to spend time in meditation on that and journal on that.
• 56:29
  SPEAKER_00: And so which is something that hopefully we can start doing every day but if you can like actually giving yourself the time to feel in your gut where you actually want to go and not write down all the shoulds where do you actually want to be and then yeah and then write it down because there's a lot of power in actually physically writing things and putting your goals out into the world.
• 56:50
  SPEAKER_00: And even if you don't share it, putting it on paper makes it the more tangible.
• 56:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah stop shoulding yourself right stop shooting yourself everywhere.
• 56:59
  SPEAKER_01: And there is power when you're doing pen to paper because unfortunately our smartphones and our computers can be very distracting to well hold on I want to go buy some shoes because there's a sale on North Chirack right now.
• 57:12
  SPEAKER_01: You know or like oh someone yeah that so I got a tag but pen and paper it allows yourself to be completely honest.
• 57:21
  SPEAKER_01: Like I just did a meditation earlier today.
• 57:23
  SPEAKER_01: It was for my trauma farm certification age it was like okay are you feeling like oh I don't feel good and I don't want to say I don't feel good but just like you know what I just don't feel good right now.
• 57:32
  SPEAKER_01: Like that's where I'm at because like I'm doing some like feeling and therapy right now.
• 57:37
  SPEAKER_01: But it's honoring that and also you don't need to do anything do you know what I mean?
• 57:43
  SPEAKER_01: Like if that's just how you feel you feel and also I want to share this too there's also this toxic positivity.
• 57:51
  SPEAKER_01: You know it's like okay I'm feeling angry what do I need to do to to just like move that and change this emotion to go somewhere else I actually want to encourage you go be angry yell out a pillow like if that's how you feel there's a reason why there's just emotions there but I just hate how sometimes people like just change it right away yeah oh absolutely oh it's so important um I was actually gonna see if this is okay with you if I could read a piece of writing with that oh yes you get Trisha holistically please share it.
• 58:28
  SPEAKER_01: Yes this is a great way to end go.
• 58:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yay okay this is a piece of writing that I wrote so I um it's a really random thing when I tell people I write business poetry and everyone's like what?
• 58:39
  SPEAKER_00: And so uh this is a piece that I wrote for my podcast it's from the first episode and it's called Brave it says true bravery isn't doing the huge thing once although that is also very brave it's doing the small hard thing choosing something different getting uncomfortable over and over and over.
• 59:01
  SPEAKER_00: Being brave is creating something even when you feel bad at it then making another one and another one bad and good and bad over and over and over the audacity to keep going and keep creating being brave is talking about your project even if it's not finished and will never be perfect.
• 59:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's talking about it again in even bigger rooms it's saying this is who I am and this is what I can do over and over and over that trust that the right people will be listening.
• 59:36
  SPEAKER_00: But being brave isn't just about doing it's about undoing being brave is moving on from the thing you said you'd do or the person you said you'd be or the life you said you'd live when it's no longer working for you when you've stopped being able to dream when you've asked yourself who am I and what do I want and you can no longer answer.
• 1:00:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's finding that answer again.
• 1:00:03
  SPEAKER_01: It's brave to choose not to suffer it is brave to choose to disappoint others it is brave to choose you it is brave to choose new one small decision at a time over and over and over it gets easier I promise and one day you'll look up at this life you chose this life that you can't believe you're getting to live this life that you created for yourself bit by bit piece by piece little decision by little decision over and over and over and you'll think wow I'm brave so I hope you take Trisha's action stab and journal about what came out for that poetry thank you Trisha for sharing your gifts for being brave talking about grief burnout being aligned and if you've loved Trisha just go check out her podcast on it's not business it's personal thank you Trisha thank you so much for this and I'm just so lucky to know you I love you and lucky for this podcast oh everyone listen listen to while subscribe leave all the reviews because she's the best love you Tricia love you thank you legacy maker I hope what you took away from this episode is that abundance is more than just doing it's more than just making money it's about being our best version of ourselves and a huge thing that I focus on with clients like to create a sustainable lifestyle and future so if you are feeling unaligned with your current life and career business I would love to invite you to schedule a complimentary 30 minute legacy business and career review where you will receive free active items towards your personal and professional goals.
• 1:02:27
  SPEAKER_01: And hey if it's a great fit to continue working together great I'll share with you how it's like to work together.
• 1:02:33
  SPEAKER_01: And if it's not a great fit, great or free to other resources and people because integrity is one of my top values.
• 1:02:43
  SPEAKER_01: So to schedule that complimentary 30 minute legacy business and career review go to Elaineblue.com forward slash call that's C A L L.
• 1:02:56
  SPEAKER_01: And if you want to learn more about the Color Dreams inner circle program that Asha is a part of it's a 12 month hybrid one-to-one and group coaching program for established entrepreneurs and USB two retreats go to elan.com forward slash inner circle legacy maker if you love this episode we would love it if you could leave a reading review on Apple so more women of color and allies can benefit too and if you have one or two friends that would get so much from this particular episode please share the intention behind the Colour Your Dreams podcast was to contribute and give back to our people all right we'll see you next Thursday for our newest Call Your Dreams episode and don't forget to call your dreams too create your legacy