Latest / She Speaks Life - Christian Women, Strengthen Your Faith, Bible Study, Grow Spiritually In Christ / New Marriage, Same Couple With Katie Walters

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New Marriage, Same Couple With Katie Walters · She Speaks Life - Christian Women, Strengthen Your Faith, Bible Study, Grow Spiritually In Christ

• 0:01
  Hey there, welcome back to She Speaks Life.
• 0:03
  I'm so excited you are here listening to this episode.
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  As always, it blesses me to hear your feedback, so let me know
• 1:16
  how it's blessing your quiet time with him.
• 1:19
  Today I sit down with author Katie Walters and we talk about
• 1:24
  her vulnerable story about her marriage and how beautiful God
• 1:29
  restores and makes what was once broken into something whole,
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  stronger and better than before. Katie and her husband Josh wrote
• 1:39
  a book called New Person Same Marriage, and not only does it
• 1:43
  cover their pain and brokenness, but the steps they took that
• 1:48
  they now help other marriages with to restore their marriage
• 1:52
  with God at the helm, Josh is on staff at Seacoast Church and
• 1:57
  Katie founded a nonprofit that makes a fashion line to support
• 2:01
  missions in Togo. They are both truly a testament
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  of what God can do. In our story.
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  When we do the hard and surrender our mistakes to God,
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  you then only have him, only him make something new from it.
• 2:16
  It's so good. So let's dive in.
• 2:19
  Here's my conversation with Katie Walters.
• 2:22
  Hey Katie, welcome to She Speaks Live.
• 2:25
  I am so excited you are here with us today.
• 2:28
  Thank you. Thanks for having me.
• 2:30
  I'm so glad to be here. This is so great.
• 2:33
  We will be talking about marriage today and a pretty
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  vulnerable story about you and but something that we can learn
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  from you sharing your story and your difficulties in your
• 2:48
  marriage and how God restores and makes things new changes,
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  things that are that are broken and there's something beautiful
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  and that's the exciting part that we get to look forward to
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  in your in your story. So before we dive into that
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  further, I always love to start off with asking the guests what
• 3:12
  is their favorite scripture verse and why?
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  Well, my favorite scripture verse actually does relate to my
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  story because Josh and I, my husband, we have always loved
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  John Tinton. It says the enemy comes to
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  steal, kill and destroy. But I have come that they might
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  have life and have it more abundantly.
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  And we carved it on the driveway of the very first house that
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  we've gotten and have done it ever since.
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  Like in all the houses we've renovated, we've carved this
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  scripture into the driveway and we say that we concentrated a
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  lot on the second-half of that verse.
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  The abundant life and not much on the enemy that is out to
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  steal, kill and destroy all the the fruit of our life, the joy
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  that God's given us. So our story is definitely a
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  lesson in that, the awareness of the fullness of that verse and
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  why we believe that Jesus gave us that.
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  So yeah, we love John Tinton. Yeah, it's a beautiful verse.
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  And so you guys wrote you and your husband Josh.
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  You guys wrote a book called New Person Same Marriage which I
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  just love that title and it's a marital story about what you
• 4:23
  guys walk through which we're going to talk about in a minute
• 4:27
  and how God restored that and how he redeemed it and just
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  brought the broken into. I made something beautiful out
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  of it And you know we see that over and over again in the Bible
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  of God restoring and God making things that were once dead alive
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  again. And I just love, you know this
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  title of the podcast She speaks life and you're taking what
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  something what was once dead back to life in Jesus name.
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  And it just is a testament to what God can do when we put him
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  first and we stay focused on him.
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  I would love for you to share your journey with us with that.
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  But before we get started, let's get to know who you are and your
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  husband Josh, and where, like the challenges started for you
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  guys in your marriage. So we, my husband and I, Josh,
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  have been married for 22 years. We have seven kids.
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  Ages. Awesome.
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  Yeah, we always wanted seven since we were 18.
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  And our eight. We said how many kids do you
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  want now in count 3, we both said seven, but it's a miracle
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  that we actually have seven. You'll you'll hear more about
• 5:45
  that from our story. This book really has come about
• 5:48
  because for the past 16 years, after our season of brokenness
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  and pain, which we're, you know, going to get into, we moved to
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  Charleston really is like a Hail Mary just to get our marriage
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  healthy and strong. There was was a church here,
• 5:59
  Seacoast Church, that my mom was on staff at and we knew it was a
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  healthy church. And there was a couple we wanted
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  to mentor us. And so we moved here.
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  And as God started to do miracles and really heal our
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  marriage here in this church, Josh ended up coming back on
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  church staff. I came on church staff, so we
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  currently still live in Charleston.
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  And that's where a lot of the principles of the book New
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  Marriage, Same Couple came from, is that we have really had this
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  privilege over the last 16 years of counseling so many couples
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  who have been also in a season of pain or who also feel really
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  stuck in their marriage, and both of us have a background in
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  counseling. I have my master's in counseling
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  and Josh does as well in pastoral counseling.
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  But we are not experts. This book is not, you know, an
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  expert account of marriage, really, just the principles God
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  taught us through our pain. And it is a vulnerable, raw,
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  emotional depiction of our love story.
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  But then hopefully gives these practical tools of what do you
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  do when you find yourself really stuck and we kind of say this
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  thing that every couple needs to have a new marriage.
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  It's just you can do that with the same person.
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  We really believe you can do that with the same person, that
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  God can help you to rebuild no matter how dead it feels or how
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  much you feel like we've grown apart and set it together.
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  So that's where the book came from.
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  We both still serve at our church here at our local church
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  and I run a non profit out of Togo West Africa.
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  So that's a big part of our life.
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  Our second oldest daughter has been serving in Africa after she
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  graduated and has just gotten home.
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  And our oldest daughter's at college.
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  But so we really have five kids here, still in the thick of it
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  with us. I wish those girls, they helped
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  me, honestly. Yes.
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  But that's who we are. And we, you know, just really
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  love each other. We have the best marriage in the
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  world. And that's all thanks to God,
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  you know, because what we went through.
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  So that's that's our today and I could go back to tell you a
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  little bit more about you know kind of how we got to 2008 and
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  the season of pain that we were in.
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  Yeah, well, I would love for you to share that.
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  And I just wanted to add how amazing it is to have seven
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  kids. I wish I had more kids.
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  Now that my three are older. I'm like, Oh my gosh, I should
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  have just kept going. But you're just in the thick of
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  everything and you're just like, oh, you know, you're not feeling
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  like it at the time that you have the capacity or the energy
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  to keep having more but and and money too.
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  They cost money. But and you know, I love how
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  you're just talking about the new marriage and I think being
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  married. I've been married for 27 years
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  and it has not stayed the same. I mean, it is constantly
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  changing, right, and renewing itself.
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  And just the different stages. Some stages aren't as dramatic
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  as other ones. And we just sent our youngest
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  one off to college. And so now it's like we're
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  starting all over together. And I'm like, well, you know,
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  instead of that humdrum, oh, we're empty nesters And given it
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  a negative twist, how about let's be joyful about it and
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  have it be this blessing that we are actually living in what I
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  call a second honeymoon? Because it feels like you're
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  dating each other again. That those days before you had
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  kids, right. If you're intentional with each
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  other, you're going back to that courting right.
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  And and I think that's important to do when your kids are at home
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  to date each other and have those times together.
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  But it looks so different when you have all the time in the
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  world after your kids leave to court each other, date each
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  other, and I know that's just God being the center of our
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  marriage, right? And giving us that joy and that
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  love for each other. That was so true.
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  Well, and you know, I love that you talk about that because in
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  every season that intentionality and that perspective is really
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  vital for our health. You know and.
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  Marriage because just like you're saying, you could
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  immediately have the perspective of like, oh gosh, what, what am
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  I doing? Like what?
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  You know, what's our purpose? And you don't have too much time
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  together, all this stuff. But the perspective of this is
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  our second honeymoon. It changes everything.
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  And being intentional like you're saying with the courting
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  and I think looking back on our story, you know that's that's a
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  lot of what we point to is that we had just gotten married.
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  I also did not have a perspective on marriage that
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  that thought you had to fight for your vows.
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  I really thought if anyone was going to like rock marriage it
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  would be Josh and I. And you know we both just loved
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  the Lord and we wanted to change the world and be missionaries.
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  And then life starts happening. You start having kids and we
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  just really thought we could kind of drift and coast and I
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  think that's exactly where the enemy wants us.
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  Gosh would have said that in our story.
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  He thought we were just adulting, You know, we just.
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  Have. Lots of pressures.
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  We were still having day night. Occasionally we were still
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  having sex, but we were just really isolated.
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  And then we lost this intimacy with each other.
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  I I don't know if we lost it or we really never had it.
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  Where we saw the worst parts of each other, chose to love those
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  and like grow through that pain. And so in our story that was an
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  affair. It was almost like the enemy was
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  just waiting there prowling, you know, we got to be isolated.
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  We had no friends. And then a couple moved into
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  town. They were our age and we started
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  just blurring all the boundary lines, hanging out with them all
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  the time. I definitely started an
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  emotional fair, you know, in my mind long before anything
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  actually progressed to me saying.
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  Right. I mean, that's what the enemy
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  does. It's like a gradual thing.
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  It's not overnight. It's not like, you know, oh, I
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  think I'll go send you like it's a gradual thing.
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  Yeah. It's you just start coveting
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  like, gosh, their life looks so much better, better.
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  I wish my husband did this. Or those things, you know, start
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  to plague us and put up big walls between us.
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  What happens in our mind? And so that was definitely
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  happening. And then we had our third son
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  and he was premature. And so you have all the emotions
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  of that And that's when really I think the division started
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  between my husband and I because there definitely was a lack of
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  patience on my part. The day I got off bed rest.
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  I was like I'm happy tonight and I did and then he was so, so
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  sick, you know. So we were filled with fear and
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  and all of that. And that's when the enemy just
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  came in. And our story was so dramatic.
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  It was such a deep pit of shame and despair, brokenness.
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  It became very public. My husband was on staff at a
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  church. And when I confessed to Josh, it
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  was like the smallest little What if it's me this the woman
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  at the other couple had come over and she was like,
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  something's wrong with my marriage.
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  And when I when she left that night, I just said, like, what
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  if it's me? I thought it would stay right
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  there between us, You know, no one would ever know.
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  And it seems very, very public. And but the best thing about
• 13:24
  that, looking back, we both are so grateful because it really
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  forced us to reckon, you know, all of these things where it was
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  like we were standing on shattered ground and just and
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  that can honestly be a very good place to rebuild from because
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  you don't really have there's no pretenses.
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  There's no, you know, your your hope has to be found in God.
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  You're not finding hope together and you no longer are looking at
• 13:53
  these ideal versions of each other.
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  And so for us, the principles of this book is around this concept
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  of stay and don't let your worst days be your last days.
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  And I think for me, one of the biggest things that I didn't
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  realize is that I had come to Christ.
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  I was passionate about Jesus, but I really had no muscle for
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  endurance, for faithfulness, for staying through.
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  When your feelings are gone, you know when you're thinking like I
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  should just cultures telling you, you should just go get what
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  you want, you should follow all of your desires.
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  And the truth is, you know you can't find real love on that
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  path unless you're willing to die.
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  But I mean, who wants to die? Honestly, but especially, I
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  always say like made with that strength of character and really
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  had to grow those, those muscles, you know, during this
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  time. But as we as we did that, as we
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  stayed and rebuild, it wasn't quick.
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  And that's why we tried to like this intentionality, this
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  rebuilding. Whether it's been a devastating
• 14:58
  betrayal or you found out about something about your spouse you
• 15:01
  didn't know or you just have kids grown out of the house and
• 15:05
  you're like, you know what, we want to go to a new place with
• 15:08
  each other. It's it's usually not fast.
• 15:10
  You can't have just one date night later and you're like, oh,
• 15:13
  Oh my gosh, you know what, all this intimacy we've been missing
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  all these years, you know, typically you really have to
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  cultivate it. That I think that's why God
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  gives us the analogy of the Garden.
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  Because you really have to cultivate intentionally and tend
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  to each other and start to accept and love these
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  vulnerable, vulnerable versions of each other, you know?
• 15:36
  Yeah, that's so good. And it takes two.
• 15:40
  Like I see marriages where it worked out.
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  They put God first and center and I saw like it was digging
• 15:50
  trenches. I mean it was hard, hard work to
• 15:54
  rebuild and repair and you can only do it with the Lord.
• 15:59
  And that is just every day putting God first and foremost
• 16:05
  in in your marriage. And then I've seen marriages
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  where it didn't work out. And the pattern I see is like,
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  you know, one just decided it was too hard and they gave up.
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  But if both of them are doing it together, then there is hope God
• 16:24
  will rebuild and restore that marriage.
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  And I know just going through hardships, financial hardships,
• 16:34
  that's that's my husband and I story and how much stronger we
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  we are in our marriage on the other side.
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  But you know was it hard between us during that time?
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  Yes. Like there was, there was
• 16:49
  stress, there was arguing, there was discord and strife.
• 16:53
  Like it was hard. And so we all know that when we
• 16:58
  get through that hard, there's always, God has this reward.
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  And so it's just how long are you going to go before you know
• 17:08
  and not quit and throw in the towel?
• 17:11
  Yeah, that's right. You're so right.
• 17:13
  And you know, even in our story, there was probably a year where
• 17:18
  I I was committed to staying in the marriage.
• 17:20
  But my heart wasn't all the way there.
• 17:22
  And I would just tell God, you know, you can have my feet.
• 17:26
  I don't know if I I'm going to love Josh again.
• 17:29
  You know, my version of love. I don't know if these feelings
• 17:31
  will return. But God, I'll give you my feet.
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  I'll stay. And if you if you have two
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  people willing to come to the Lord just like you're saying and
• 17:40
  stay, you can see God do miracles, you know miracles you
• 17:44
  and but also you know if it's not a devastating betrayal like
• 17:49
  in our situation. I do think some of these
• 17:52
  principles if you have one person that's like you know what
• 17:55
  I'm really want to grow to a new place, then they the first
• 17:58
  chapter of the book is called start with me.
• 18:00
  But we've seen a lot of couples that just say, you know what, I
• 18:04
  want to change my perspective. I want to change my attitude.
• 18:07
  I want to be what I'm looking for, you know, back from the
• 18:11
  other person. I want to take responsibility
• 18:13
  for my emotion, my discontentment, take all that to
• 18:16
  God. And we have seen marriages grow
• 18:17
  so much that way. But I definitely think you're
• 18:21
  right. When there is a covenant that
• 18:22
  has been broken, betrayal or hiding, it really does take two
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  people willing to both say, OK, God, we believe that you can
• 18:30
  restore and redeem this, you know, together.
• 18:33
  Yeah, for sure. OK.
• 18:35
  Let's talk about that rebuilding and that transformation that you
• 18:39
  walk through. You have an acronym that you
• 18:43
  guys use called Stay. So you already mentioned as
• 18:49
  start with me and let's share what the T is.
• 18:54
  If you, if you want to go through those acronyms just to
• 18:58
  give us a glimpse on how do you, how do you go from that to now
• 19:04
  being on the other side, take us through that journey.
• 19:08
  So the books broken down to for stay and each part of the STAY
• 19:12
  has three to four chapters in it.
• 19:15
  And also the workbook, I would just say for any couple that
• 19:18
  really wants to go to a new place, the workbook is
• 19:20
  incredible because it's very practical.
• 19:23
  It's what we've workshopped with so many couples with questions
• 19:27
  that will really help you practically, you know, do it
• 19:29
  unique to you. Because every marriage is so
• 19:32
  unique. It's so individual.
• 19:34
  You know. Complicated.
• 19:37
  And so I think the workbook is so great because the book, you
• 19:41
  know, is our story and these principles that we learned from
• 19:43
  the vulnerable, darkest parts of our story.
• 19:46
  But then the workbook can really take it to you and your husband,
• 19:49
  your spouse and. But the s s start with me.
• 19:52
  And those are principles just like I talked about that in any
• 19:55
  situation, in any marriage, it's important to start with you.
• 19:59
  That's who you can change, you know, and figure out.
• 20:02
  Is there anything I'm not taking to God, any perspective I have
• 20:05
  that's alive, just like. We talked about with the empty
• 20:08
  nesters and culture that might tell you like all the best days
• 20:11
  of your life are behind you and that is a.
• 20:13
  Lie it is, yeah. Days are ahead and we're going
• 20:17
  to be able to hold that promise until our final breath, because
• 20:20
  then we are do have our best days ahead.
• 20:23
  And eternity, you know, But to start with, start with you in
• 20:27
  all those ways. What are you longing for?
• 20:29
  What are your desires? What do you want more of?
• 20:31
  And then we also have principles in there about confession.
• 20:34
  So that confession that I did to Josh really opened the door to a
• 20:41
  practice, a principle that has changed our entire marriage.
• 20:44
  And we call it confession therapy, but really we just tell
• 20:49
  each other the most vulnerable parts of each other.
• 20:51
  And we'll use language like can you handle me or can I tell you
• 20:54
  something hard? And these are ways that we just
• 20:58
  show each other that we want to know the real person.
• 21:01
  We want to know your deep fears. We want to know when you've
• 21:04
  struggled with jealousy or when I've had a dream about another
• 21:07
  man or when I had a thought that was counter to Christ.
• 21:10
  You know, we want to tell each other those vulnerable parts of
• 21:13
  each other. And that opens you up to so much
• 21:17
  more intimacy than you could imagine, just being able to be
• 21:21
  vulnerable. And then the tea is putting off
• 21:23
  the table. And that's the truth of that
• 21:25
  whole section is just the fact that especially early on in
• 21:29
  marriage, Josh and I would say all the time, like, I mean we'd
• 21:32
  be better off not together or maybe we just want out or I
• 21:36
  think I would just be better off if you just left me.
• 21:38
  You know, language like this, right?
• 21:40
  It is so death speaking. So, you know, Speaking of just
• 21:44
  this podcast and speaking like when you take quitting off the
• 21:47
  table, you really choose to to look at what God's given you and
• 21:52
  to steward it as best you can to say we're not going to quit, so
• 21:56
  we might as well grow to a new place.
• 21:58
  We don't want to stay here. We don't.
• 22:00
  Want. Brokenness or in this you know
• 22:03
  just place of complacency. So the principles for how to do
• 22:07
  that and then the A is allow others to be a part of your
• 22:10
  journey. This became really important to
• 22:13
  us also because during our darkest season of pain, it was a
• 22:18
  couple here in Charleston that started a small group that we
• 22:21
  came to and then everyone else dropped out and it was just us
• 22:24
  with them. But they invested in us so much
• 22:28
  and they taught us, they gave us vision, they gave us hope, they
• 22:31
  give us perspective. And we have just never lost
• 22:34
  that, you know, Which is why we say even this workbook, like
• 22:37
  going through it with another couple you admire or a small
• 22:40
  group, those people that you let in on your journey, is what will
• 22:44
  shape your marriage for better or worse.
• 22:47
  You know, though, it's really important that you have people
• 22:49
  around you that you're not always the one pouring into
• 22:53
  them. You're not always the best
• 22:55
  marriage in the room, you know, You know, make sure that you
• 22:59
  have also people that are really pouring into you and that you
• 23:03
  could show up and fight with. Josh and I did this just a
• 23:05
  couple weeks ago. We had this fight that we kept
• 23:08
  getting the same flow. I don't know if you've ever had,
• 23:11
  like, it's different arguments, but you find yourself back in
• 23:13
  the same plus, you know, River. And so we're like, let's just
• 23:19
  meet with our friends Rebecca and 10 and tell them and see if
• 23:22
  there's any perspective they see that we're not seeing.
• 23:25
  And sure enough it moved us forward in such a powerful way.
• 23:28
  And you know, also we've we have been in counseling.
• 23:32
  We went to counseling. That was really not great at
• 23:36
  first. It's hard to find a counselor
• 23:38
  when you're in deep pain. It's.
• 23:40
  Expensive, right? You Also, you know, a lot of
• 23:44
  times with counseling, you're not paying for their marriage
• 23:47
  reputation, you're paying for their license.
• 23:50
  So with marriage coaching, at least you're finding coaches
• 23:53
  that they they are showing you their experience or you know,
• 23:56
  they're supposed to have a thriving marriage.
• 23:58
  But we have just found that if you can, you know, find someone
• 24:02
  to really help move you forward, who don't think you're the
• 24:06
  problem but they believe that you are the solution to your
• 24:09
  best marriage days, it really can help you have a more forward
• 24:13
  movement then you know, focusing on one of you's the problem or
• 24:18
  it's your trauma, which all that can be true and needs to be done
• 24:21
  individually, but together moving forward, we found that to
• 24:25
  be really helpful. And then the last section is
• 24:27
  called Yield to Vision. And that is all about the fact
• 24:30
  that in every season of our life we have to have vision.
• 24:33
  We have to have vision that is practical, that has language to
• 24:36
  it, You know, just like you were talking about the kids, maybe
• 24:39
  not a college. Josh and I met a couple on a
• 24:42
  trip several years ago that as soon as their kids got out of
• 24:44
  the house, they had been saving to take like 6 months and go
• 24:48
  travel together. They called it their gap year
• 24:51
  and they wanted to like rediscover each other, you know,
• 24:54
  and just held on to that vision of like what a cool way to say
• 24:58
  we want to rediscover each other.
• 25:00
  And when you said like recording again, you know, we're learning
• 25:03
  again. That's vision.
• 25:05
  And when you put language to it, it helps people to know where
• 25:08
  are we going, what are we focusing on.
• 25:10
  And so we we talked through a lot of principles of that, you
• 25:14
  know, things like getting your grandparent names and talking
• 25:17
  about those people. Josh and I decided we wanted to
• 25:19
  be called Ruby and Bear because his grandparents have, like, the
• 25:24
  worst names. You know, it was like Peepaw
• 25:26
  Kiki, you know, we were like, we want to just solidify this thing
• 25:31
  before we have grandkids. But we talk about those people a
• 25:34
  lot. Like, what are Ruby and Bear?
• 25:36
  Like, you know, Ruby Eyes and Ruby and Bear have a place that
• 25:40
  that the kids can't love to come to.
• 25:42
  And, you know, talking about the language is what gives vision a
• 25:46
  lot of practicality and I think gives couples hope, you know, in
• 25:50
  those dark times. And that's what Josh did for me.
• 25:53
  I mean, I would bring him during the hardest points of our story.
• 25:57
  I would bring him these journals from when I was like 18 and I
• 26:00
  would say, like, I don't feel this way for you anymore.
• 26:03
  Like I I was calling you Snooki and Boo Boo and like, I don't
• 26:07
  feel any of that. And he would say, Katie, I'm to
• 26:10
  get you to go to a new place, a deeper place of love.
• 26:15
  And he would give me vision for we're going to get through this
• 26:18
  and we're going to be stronger at the end of it, you know.
• 26:20
  And so that vision is so important for couples.
• 26:23
  I really believe in every season so that they can take the ground
• 26:28
  that God has for them, you know, and enjoy their.
• 26:31
  So good. I was just at a conference and
• 26:36
  was surprised to see a good friend of mine, her husband were
• 26:41
  there. And so we got to have like a 5
• 26:44
  hour dinner and we're just pouring into each other.
• 26:48
  And one of the things the husband asked my husband, well
• 26:54
  you know now that you guys are stepping into a new chapter and
• 26:57
  in your marriage and life with now not having any kids full
• 27:01
  time at home, do you have a vision for your marriage?
• 27:06
  And I think when when my husband told me this that he was asked
• 27:11
  what's the vision on your marriage like, we both stared at
• 27:15
  each other and was like, Oh my gosh, we never thought of that,
• 27:20
  a vision of our marriage together.
• 27:23
  We we always had these visions of what I'm doing in ministry
• 27:28
  and and what's the next assignment God has put on my
• 27:31
  heart the projects and and all that.
• 27:33
  And then you know he's got a very busy job so he's working
• 27:39
  all day and and well into the evening sometimes and so you
• 27:43
  know his his vision has always been you know building his
• 27:46
  business and he's an entrepreneur.
• 27:49
  So it was just so funny because we've not that we've lived
• 27:55
  totally on our own tracks like we we know we're A-Team.
• 27:59
  We know, you know that with God is our foundation and and a
• 28:04
  marriage as a team and he supports and and he's the one
• 28:08
  that kicked off this podcast back in 2019 to tell me what
• 28:12
  equipment I needed and the editing and all that.
• 28:15
  Like he is a huge supporter and I am as well if I can.
• 28:21
  I can hardly understand what he does for a living.
• 28:23
  But that's OK. But like I am, I am there in
• 28:29
  ways that he appreciates and hears that and sees that I
• 28:33
  support him. But it was just so funny because
• 28:37
  I was reading your guys's book and the vision had popped up and
• 28:44
  I'm like, yeah, like, so we're yet to be like, we're just going
• 28:49
  through the process of talking about what is that vision for
• 28:53
  our marriage now, Like, you know, walking into to this new
• 28:56
  season. So I I love that you guys touch
• 28:59
  on that. Yes, and honestly, sometimes I
• 29:02
  think it can feel overwhelming to people, Josh says.
• 29:05
  I'm like a. Few it did at first I was like,
• 29:08
  Oh my gosh, I don't think I have any time in my mind in my brain
• 29:12
  for this. No capacity and it can feel.
• 29:17
  Like, I mean for Josh, he's very much, he says.
• 29:19
  He's like, he wakes up and takes the day, you know, he's like,
• 29:22
  I'm good for the day because. And sometimes I think it can
• 29:26
  feel like, you know, what is, is it a slogan that we're like
• 29:29
  we're two people that are on a path to, you know, does it
• 29:32
  really matter? But I think when you really boil
• 29:35
  vision down to that specific season and start small, so like
• 29:40
  for instance one thing for us is we are renovating a house right
• 29:43
  now and we this is our 16th renovation, I have to say this
• 29:49
  and. Oh my gosh, I went through one.
• 29:52
  I was like, OK when and done. No.
• 29:54
  It's not fun. I say no Joanna Gaines, but we
• 29:59
  we're just live in Charleston, you know, and it's expensive to
• 30:02
  live here. We have so many kids.
• 30:03
  But it's so cute there. Oh my gosh, that is my
• 30:06
  daughter's dream place to go live is Charleston.
• 30:09
  She just loves that whole area. It's so cute.
• 30:13
  It's wonderful. But so we.
• 30:15
  But this one is the first one that we had a friend from our
• 30:18
  church came in and get drafted plans.
• 30:20
  We've always just Josh has just turned torn down a wall and you
• 30:24
  know he's kind of done it like himself.
• 30:27
  And this one was it wasn't even any bigger than the other ones
• 30:30
  we've done. But we had the full plans and
• 30:32
  because I had the plans of where we're going, I have enjoyed it
• 30:36
  so much more. And so I just think for people
• 30:40
  like when you know this year this is what we're setting out
• 30:43
  to accomplish and you know start with that, start with this one
• 30:46
  year we'd like to go on these two vacations.
• 30:49
  We'd like to serve together in this way and we'd like to create
• 30:53
  this memory for our family. You know, start with this the
• 30:56
  just one year before you start to go to like, OK, if we want to
• 31:00
  dream in 10 years, if never impossible, what would we want
• 31:04
  to do? And when we do that, Josh and
• 31:06
  I'll write down our ages, our kids ages, you know, where we
• 31:09
  think we'll be and you know, really starting to put
• 31:12
  handlebars on that. But I think once you get used to
• 31:15
  it and start asking God, he wants to give people words just
• 31:19
  like you said, the courting each other, we're rediscovering each
• 31:22
  other. Those things are vision and
• 31:25
  they're so critical. And you know, moving into this
• 31:28
  new house, I felt like the Lord told me, I want you to build
• 31:31
  this house for the Sabbath. And just having that language
• 31:35
  from him gave me such vision of I knew like, oh, I know what I'm
• 31:39
  trying to do. I'm creating soft spaces for the
• 31:42
  boys to land on a Saturday, places that are not full of
• 31:46
  projects for Josh. A place where we can wake up in
• 31:48
  the morning and then we do this and then we go outside and we
• 31:51
  play pickleball. Then we come home and you know,
• 31:53
  I felt like I got vision for what am I trying to accomplish
• 31:57
  in this home. If we don't take time to do that
• 32:01
  in our marriages and with each other, all we see all day is
• 32:04
  Instagram scrolling. People are giving us vision all
• 32:08
  day long. Right.
• 32:10
  You know of their range. So I do think it's a critical
• 32:13
  piece and sometimes for people that can feel like it's, it's
• 32:17
  not something that they can really hold on to each day.
• 32:20
  But I think. It's it's actually the thing
• 32:23
  that will make us enjoy that Tuesday so much more, you know?
• 32:28
  I love that. Well, thank you for that.
• 32:30
  That releases some overwhelming feelings because you're right.
• 32:35
  Yeah, it's instant, like, Oh my gosh, like overload.
• 32:38
  But yeah, the small step, small beginnings like that, that is
• 32:44
  definitely easier to just figure out.
• 32:49
  OK, You know, we can start here and that's good.
• 32:52
  Yes, it's so true. I think about you guys too, when
• 32:55
  you talk about being supports to one another and you know, even
• 32:59
  language like that, like this is the season where we're
• 33:02
  supporting each other. And in those early years of
• 33:05
  having kids and, you know, I just felt like we were going to
• 33:09
  be missionaries. And then life changed so
• 33:11
  quickly. Josh got called to work at a
• 33:14
  church. It was a Baptist Church.
• 33:16
  I just didn't really feel like I had a place in ministry there.
• 33:19
  And I was home with little kids. And I couldn't see how the two
• 33:23
  people that fell in love and all these dreams that we had, we're
• 33:26
  going to come to fruit. And you know, when we look back
• 33:29
  on it and we're like, I wish we could have said to each other,
• 33:31
  like, hey, we're going to give it five years of just supporting
• 33:34
  each other in these specific ways.
• 33:36
  And then you know what? We're going on a missions trip.
• 33:39
  Like, just to set it in front of us of this isn't dead, you know,
• 33:43
  part of our life. It's just this is what we're
• 33:46
  doing right now, you know, until we can do that.
• 33:49
  And so I think about that, you know, all the time with my kids.
• 33:53
  Because when we're empty nesters #1, it probably won't happen,
• 33:57
  you know, because I'll have grandkids before I even get one
• 33:59
  to middle school. Probably.
• 34:01
  Right. You had so many.
• 34:03
  How what are the ages of your kids?
• 34:05
  They're. 2019151512116 and two. Oh my goodness.
• 34:16
  I I promise you I will have a grandchild before I have one
• 34:19
  and. You will.
• 34:20
  That's awesome. So, but we've had to craft a new
• 34:25
  vision too, because there will be no, like, you know, live
• 34:28
  overseas for a year, gap year. We probably won't have that
• 34:32
  version of an empty nest, you know, and we'll be paying for
• 34:36
  college through all of that, you know.
• 34:37
  So yeah, said we've had to say new language around that too.
• 34:41
  Like we probably will always have children in our home and
• 34:44
  that's a joy, that's a gift, you know, we just tried to create it
• 34:48
  for for the unique situation that we're in.
• 34:51
  And that's what I would just encourage every couple is that,
• 34:54
  you know, God has put you together for a reason.
• 34:56
  And the parts that can feel the most challenging because you
• 34:59
  think we don't even have the same desires, we don't even have
• 35:02
  the same passions. He truly will use all of that to
• 35:06
  build the marriage of Greens. When you surrender it to him in
• 35:10
  his timing, you know. That's so good.
• 35:13
  Yeah, that's key right there. I mean so many people are just
• 35:17
  like, oh we don't, we don't have the same interests.
• 35:21
  And and that's OK. I really do feel like God puts 2
• 35:25
  together that are opposites and you just find things that you do
• 35:29
  have familiarity in. You know my my husband loves
• 35:34
  collecting things. You know he likes the history of
• 35:37
  things. I can't stand it.
• 35:39
  I'm the opposite. I purge probably 3 to 4 * a
• 35:43
  year. I'm simple I'm I'm a minimalist.
• 35:47
  I I don't like stuff in my in my house though and he's completely
• 35:52
  the opposite. But as long as it doesn't
• 35:54
  dwindle outside his office or where he is, then we're good.
• 36:00
  You know, keep it in your space. Don't let it drip out into the
• 36:03
  other rooms of the house. And but what we do find that we
• 36:08
  love to do together is golf. And that was something we did in
• 36:14
  the beginning when we were first married.
• 36:18
  Actually when we dated we did some and then when we're first
• 36:22
  married, before we had kids, I we got married young at 20.
• 36:26
  He's four years older than me, so I get Mary was 20 and then
• 36:31
  had my first one at 23, but we always had grandparents around
• 36:35
  so they would watch the kids. And I remember we did long day
• 36:39
  dates, which not everyone can do because golfs long and and
• 36:44
  you're gone for a while, but now it's like a full circle.
• 36:49
  It's just so weird. Now we're doing so much golfing.
• 36:54
  Yeah. And it's just been so great.
• 36:57
  And I just go, God, thank you like for that blessing.
• 37:01
  I mean, I look at it like a little nugget, like a like a
• 37:04
  treasured nugget that God gave our marriage.
• 37:07
  To have something that we can go do that is fun, that we can do
• 37:12
  together, that's fun. So.
• 37:14
  It's and that's it's so important and you can think in
• 37:18
  those years like we don't have anything like that in common.
• 37:22
  And then you once you have the intentionality and you put the
• 37:25
  time behind it, you're like oh this is what drew us to each
• 37:28
  other to begin with. You know even the that are so
• 37:31
  different and my husband are the same with the purging and the
• 37:34
  keeping and same thing. I just, I just, you know, give
• 37:38
  him a spot, grateful that he's like, oh, I have that one
• 37:43
  letter, you know, that card that you wrote, you know, whatever.
• 37:46
  I will have one keeper in the family because I keep nothing.
• 37:51
  Yeah, it's really true. Those differences can seem like
• 37:55
  they will just drive you apart. And, you know, I haven't even
• 37:58
  shared this part of our story. But one thing that actually
• 38:01
  really helped me was this book. During our hardest season I went
• 38:05
  to the library and it was this old Tim Lahaye book.
• 38:08
  I don't know if anybody has remembered that author, but it
• 38:11
  was about temperaments and it was like Holy Spirit directed
• 38:15
  temperaments and it just helped you to look at the temperament
• 38:18
  of your spouse. And I think just starting to
• 38:21
  study Josh again, look with new eyes really help me because like
• 38:26
  I said, whatever your perspective is, it can be a
• 38:28
  blinder also. And so when you don't see those
• 38:32
  strengths as strengths anymore, you see them as a weakness
• 38:35
  because they're just different than yours, you know?
• 38:38
  And yeah, it really helped me to start to restudy him in that
• 38:42
  way, to look at his temperament and the way he was wired and
• 38:45
  how, wow, that was probably God ordained for my weak spots, you
• 38:49
  know, right. But the ways that we were
• 38:52
  different. So good.
• 38:55
  All right, share with us how it is today and let's give a take
• 38:59
  away for the listener to ponder on or take action then.
• 39:03
  Yeah. So today, I mean, this is where
• 39:05
  I hope just the supernatural transfer of hope through your
• 39:09
  pain. You know, there's really nothing
• 39:11
  magical about these principles or us or our story, but just
• 39:14
  we've watched God do the what he says in scripture that he'll
• 39:18
  comfort others with the comfort that that we have received from
• 39:21
  him. And so I I thought if we stayed
• 39:24
  together, I would end up with like a pal, a friend, that Josh
• 39:27
  and I would have done the right thing by God, and we would have
• 39:30
  stayed together. What I didn't realize is that
• 39:33
  same God that authors all of our emotions, our passion, our
• 39:37
  desire, our love, He could restore all of that.
• 39:40
  And Josh is truly my very, very favorite person in the world.
• 39:45
  My best friend, the person, the first person I want to call, the
• 39:48
  first person I want to have fun with and play with and fight
• 39:51
  with and get through hard things with and cry with.
• 39:53
  And yeah, so I would just say, you know, I hope that anyone
• 39:57
  listening could know from our story that it could not have
• 40:01
  felt anymore dead. You know, I truly thought I
• 40:04
  cannot go on with him anymore. And I need to just, you know,
• 40:08
  make myself happy, follow my desires.
• 40:10
  And instead, God has just brought about the most
• 40:13
  beautiful, wonderful marriage of our dreams, you know, by His
• 40:16
  grace. And yeah, so that would be my
• 40:19
  encouragement. And then one take away is.
• 40:22
  I would say the most simple way, I think, to start cultivating
• 40:25
  that animacy in your marriage is with confession.
• 40:29
  And I think it's the hardest thing to do, but it's the most
• 40:32
  important. And if you can start, if you can
• 40:35
  be the one to start, it doesn't have to be some deep, dark, you
• 40:38
  know, hidden sin. I hope it's not because that's a
• 40:40
  really hard way to start, you know the way I started.
• 40:44
  But if you can start with just have been really struggling with
• 40:47
  this fear or you know, I just don't even know that I have the
• 40:51
  capacity to come up with vision where I'm at in life right now
• 40:55
  or I've been feeling really, really tired and burn out.
• 40:59
  If you can just start with can I tell you something hard and
• 41:02
  start to give your husband, your spouse, that piece of you, that
• 41:07
  vulnerable piece of you? I believe that what you'll see
• 41:10
  is that you have a good hearted, godly man who wants to protect,
• 41:14
  he wants to meet needs, he wants to cultivate that love with you,
• 41:20
  you know? But often times they're just
• 41:21
  shooting in the dark. They they don't know what's
• 41:24
  going on in the complicated heart of a woman.
• 41:27
  You know to start with confession as much as you are a
• 41:32
  blast, the Holy Spirit to help you and to open yourself up, you
• 41:37
  know in that way to your husband.
• 41:40
  Yeah, that is key there too. That's so good that you say all
• 41:44
  of that because I look at our marriage and how did we work
• 41:49
  things out? It was by sharing what was on
• 41:52
  our heart. And because we got married so
• 41:55
  young, we feel like we grew up together.
• 41:59
  We've always said we're soul mates, we're best friends, which
• 42:01
  we are. Just like you were saying about
• 42:03
  you and Josh and and you know it seems to come natural in our
• 42:09
  conversations. You know, thank you Jesus of
• 42:12
  just sharing like this is how I'm feeling and and then
• 42:17
  understanding each other. But you know, and sometimes I
• 42:20
  think men like to fix things and so they go into like problem
• 42:25
  solving wouldn't really you just wanted to share and you're just
• 42:28
  like I don't need you, I don't need you going to fix it.
• 42:34
  Just hear me out and my feelings.
• 42:37
  But you know that's just how they were designed as husbands
• 42:41
  to protect and know. Yeah and take care of their
• 42:46
  lady. And I feel like, too, when my
• 42:52
  husband and I come together and pray, there's so much
• 42:55
  vulnerability that comes out when you pray.
• 42:58
  I mean, when we started to put that into practice on a regular
• 43:04
  basis, I would hear things coming out of him that I had no
• 43:09
  clue. And I'd be like, oh, wow.
• 43:12
  And you know, giving it over to the Lord, the the one that can
• 43:16
  fix things, you know, the one that can get us through and how
• 43:22
  much that brings that intimacy. Like it just brings this instant
• 43:29
  closeness. And I just love it when you can
• 43:33
  pray to God and share each other's vulnerabilities with
• 43:37
  each other in that way. And giving it to the the
• 43:41
  sovereign God that you know controls everything, right?
• 43:47
  It's so true. That is so, so important.
• 43:50
  We talk about that all the time, that praying together daily and
• 43:54
  what what a game changer it is, you know, for protecting it.
• 43:59
  Yeah, 'cause you forget like you're you're doing your prayer
• 44:02
  on your own. He's doing his on your and then
• 44:04
  you forget, Oh yeah, we need to come together and pray.
• 44:07
  So that was one of the lessons I needed to learn in our marriage
• 44:11
  because when we started doing that, mountains started to move.
• 44:14
  So anyway, I can talk to you Katie.
• 44:17
  All day long this has been such a great conversation.
• 44:20
  I would love for you to share where people can hit your book
• 44:24
  and and connect with you and and do you guys, do you know
• 44:28
  coaching like online for marriages in distress and
• 44:32
  whatnot? Yes, so all of that.
• 44:34
  So you can they can go to just Josh and Katie walters.com.
• 44:37
  It's probably the best place. And the pre-orders right now are
• 44:40
  really incredible because it's because we're first time author
• 44:43
  authors. I feel like the publishers like
• 44:45
  here's all this stuff because there's a video guide that's
• 44:51
  totally free. There is conversation starters
• 44:54
  for your date night. There's the 1st 3 chapters.
• 44:56
  There's all kinds of vision guide, all kinds of tools for
• 45:00
  your marriage if you pre-order and that that's on our left
• 45:03
  landing page so you can get the book and the workbook there.
• 45:07
  And then we do offer marriage coaching.
• 45:09
  That's on our website as well. We love to come and speak and
• 45:12
  share at churches but and you can also find us on Instagrams.
• 45:16
  Just Josh Walters, Katie Walters.
• 45:18
  So we would love to connect more on any, you know in any way, any
• 45:22
  of the platforms and things like that with anyone listening.
• 45:26
  Yeah, so good. I mean, the experiential
• 45:29
  training is the best and in in my belief, so, so good.
• 45:34
  Katie, thank you so much for coming on here.
• 45:37
  Well, thank you, Jamie. Thanks for having me.
• 45:40
  Thank you so much for listening today, and I trust that God has
• 45:44
  encouraged you through this story.
• 45:46
  Did you know this podcast is on YouTube?
• 45:49
  Hop on there and subscribe and you can see a live recording of
• 45:53
  each episode. And For more information on this
• 45:57
  ministry and to access free downloads, please visit my
• 46:01
  website at jamieelizabeth.com. That's JAYME elizabeth.com.
• 46:07
  And let's connect beyond this podcast by going to my Instagram
• 46:11
  handle Jamie, Elizabeth, She Speaks Life or Facebook.
• 46:15
  Until next time, my friend. I hope God reveals himself
• 46:18
  through your own life story.