Latest / Parent's Talk with Francine Juhlin / EPISODE 4: Empowering Parents to Raise Thriving Kids

Transcript

EPISODE 4: Empowering Parents to Raise Thriving Kids · Parent's Talk with Francine Juhlin

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hello, welcome to Parents Talk. I like to introduce you
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: to my new friend, Lisa Coloso.
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: Thank you, Francis is Francine. I'm sorry, it's a pleasure
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: to be here. Thank you for the invitation.
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: I am so glad you're able to join me because
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: number one, you are a parent, yes, and you are
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: starting a new project designing a course on burnout.
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: Yes.
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  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh. If you are a parent suffering burnout,
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: have suffered burnout before, or think you might be headed
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: in that direction, put a little comment in there and
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: let us know what's going on, because I'd love to
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: find out how we could help you. In future episodes
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: of Parents Talk.
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: I develop a program that is a four week program
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  Speaker 2: where we meet and we work on a particular goal.
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: So it could be health related, it could be related
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: to preventing burned out, but I keep it open. My
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: focus is mostly on stress management, on dealing with overwhelmed,
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: with dealing with anxiety and all those heavy emotions that
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  Speaker 2: we may be experiencing. So in this program, what we
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  Speaker 2: do is we get in touch with what's going on
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  Speaker 2: and why we want to work on this. That's very
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  Speaker 2: important to discover, to get our why behind the work,
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  Speaker 2: and then once we have that.
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  Speaker 3: Very much aligned in place as a maybe as a
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  Speaker 3: smart goal, if that resonates, then we start asking questions
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  Speaker 3: like why haven't I.
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  Speaker 2: Been able to do this? What's in the way? And
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  Speaker 2: I do some work behind this to help regulate their
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  Speaker 2: nervous system to access that inside wisdom inside of us
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  Speaker 2: that we all have access to, but sometimes or many times,
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  Speaker 2: we're not able to because of all the chatter, all
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  Speaker 2: that internal voice that may be too loud, and then
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  Speaker 2: we're not able to really listen to it. So that's
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  Speaker 2: most of the work that I teach my clients to do.
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  Speaker 2: There is a formula that you can follow, so it
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  Speaker 2: doesn't apply only to this program, but it's something that
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  Speaker 2: you can take with you for the rest of your
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  Speaker 2: life and you can apply it to anything.
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  Speaker 1: That is so interesting. And parents might be one. How
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: does my burnout affect my children? Oh?
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  Speaker 2: Big time? And I know for me as a parent,
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  Speaker 2: sometimes I feel guilty, especially in the past, because I
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  Speaker 2: was afraid that I didn't want to transmit or transfer
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  Speaker 2: or I didn't want my kids to feel that way,
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  Speaker 2: and I kind of like was hiding how I was feeling.
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  Speaker 2: But I think that made it worse. So I think
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  Speaker 2: the number one thing for us as parent is to
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  Speaker 2: learn how to regulate ourselves. Because if we can regulate ourselves,
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  Speaker 2: how can we ask our kids to focus, to become,
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  Speaker 2: to behave. We can't if we don't really know how
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  Speaker 2: to even do it ourselves. So it starts with us,
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  Speaker 2: and then we can also teach our children to do
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  Speaker 2: it from a place where we are regulator, where we
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  Speaker 2: feel calm, grounded and spener.
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  Speaker 1: I'd love that starts with you, because you're the one
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  Speaker 1: teaching your kid, and that's what parents talk is all about,
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  Speaker 1: breaking the cycle of negative childhood programming. Yes, because I
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  Speaker 1: remember growing up and it wasn't her fault, but my
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  Speaker 1: mom would just get so frustrated that she just yelled
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  Speaker 1: and the next thing I I next thing, we were
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  Speaker 1: all yelling at each other. That doesn't solve anything. And
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  Speaker 1: through my healing journey, I discovered that when we look
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  Speaker 1: inside of ourselves and understand what our triggers are and
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  Speaker 1: what the root cause is, that we're more able to control.
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  Speaker 1: Can you tell us something in your program? Don't give out,
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  Speaker 1: don't give away everything, but just one little tip that
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  Speaker 1: parents could use to dig down and figure out that
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  Speaker 1: root cause to figure out what's keeping them stuck.
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  Speaker 2: Yes, when you said root cause and triggers, those are
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  Speaker 2: my keywords. I love that because that's where really healing
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  Speaker 2: really happens. And when our kids trigger us, it's because
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  Speaker 2: there is a part of us that needs attention that somehow,
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  Speaker 2: as a kid, we went through something similar or something
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  Speaker 2: happened that makes us react that way. So the first
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  Speaker 2: question that I would encourage parents to ask themss how
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  Speaker 2: where do I see myself in this trigger or is
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  Speaker 2: there a time where I felt the same way? Or
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  Speaker 2: it's hard sometimes to even ask why am I feeling
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  Speaker 2: this way because it's not necessarily gonna come so easy
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  Speaker 2: and you're gonna get the answer. But reflecting and being
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  Speaker 2: aware of your body where you're feeling all of these
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  Speaker 2: heavy emotions like it maybe you get tense in your shoulders,
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  Speaker 2: maybe your throat gets kind of like shocked or like stock.
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  Speaker 4: Just notice those kind of sensations because probably most likely,
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  Speaker 4: I would say ninety percent or ninety nine percent of
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  Speaker 4: the times, there was something going on in a younger
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  Speaker 4: age where you were feeling the same.
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  Speaker 1: That is so true because I found that as an adult,
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  Speaker 1: a lot of my triggers were caused by things that
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  Speaker 1: were said to me before I was even eight years old. Like,
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  Speaker 1: I had disordered eating for my whole life till I
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  Speaker 1: was in my fifties. And well, do the self reflection
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  Speaker 1: I needed to do to figure out why. And it
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  Speaker 1: was because I was told you'd be such a pretty
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  Speaker 1: girl if you just lost some weight. And that stuck
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  Speaker 1: with me so my whole life. I thought life would
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  Speaker 1: just be wonderful if I could just lose some weight.
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  Speaker 1: Now I hear some parents talk about you have to
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  Speaker 1: get a's. Bees just aren't good enough. You have to
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  Speaker 1: get a's to get in a good school. Well, that
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  Speaker 1: sets a child up for a life of overachieving. You
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  Speaker 1: want to talk about getting burnt out, try the path
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  Speaker 1: to over achievement, When really bees are good enough. You
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  Speaker 1: get the same degree with a B and a college
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  Speaker 1: degree from a second grade school is the same degree
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  Speaker 1: as a Harvard or a Stanford or any of those
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  Speaker 1: other top name schools. Have you ever experienced that control
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  Speaker 1: where a parent was just so controlling that it affected
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  Speaker 1: the whole family.
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  Speaker 2: Well, I could tell you an example from my own experience,
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  Speaker 2: and I was an only child. I am an only
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  Speaker 2: child and my parents even pressure me to get good grades,
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  Speaker 2: which is interesting, but I wanted my attention from my dad,
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  Speaker 2: and one of the things that I would do was
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  Speaker 2: to be an overachiever because by getting good grades and
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  Speaker 2: having compliments from my teachers, it would be a form
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  Speaker 2: of getting his attention. So that's also a way that
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  Speaker 2: I now with the work that I do, I have
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  Speaker 2: learned that that was a very unhealthy pattern and it
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  Speaker 2: was leading me to burned out behavior. So it could
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  Speaker 2: be so many things, and I think once we are
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  Speaker 2: aware of these type of behaviors, it's important the voice
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  Speaker 2: that we hear growing up, especially from the time we
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  Speaker 2: are born until seven years old. That's where all of
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  Speaker 2: our programming exists, like when it is installed. So and again,
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  Speaker 2: our parents are doing our best, and it's not This
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  Speaker 2: is not the moment to just point fingers you didn't
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  Speaker 2: do a good job or whatever. They did the best
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  Speaker 2: with the resources. But has grown up can repair in ourselves.
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  Speaker 2: We can tell that little girl, that little boy the
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  Speaker 2: things that we as grown up now see and we
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  Speaker 2: can heal those wounds. So I think that's an important
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  Speaker 2: type of work. I know that I'm talking about something else,
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  Speaker 2: but yes, I believe there are a lot of programming
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  Speaker 2: and this is not from our parents. It's also the
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  Speaker 2: way they we're taught. It comes from generations, from generations
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  Speaker 2: and generations.
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  Speaker 1: That is so true, and I love that you brought
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  Speaker 1: that up because I want to take a minute to
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  Speaker 1: talk about the Believer Retreat. A group of friends and
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  Speaker 1: I are planning this retreat in Jacksonville, Florida in January,
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  Speaker 1: and the first workshop we are doing is connect with
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  Speaker 1: your inner child, because, like Lisa said, all this programming
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  Speaker 1: happens from age zero to seven, and then at seven,
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  Speaker 1: that's when life starts happening. We've started going to school,
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  Speaker 1: we've started forming relationships outside of the family, we've started
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  Speaker 1: trying to become our own person, and that's when things
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  Speaker 1: happen that stick with us that might not be that healthy.
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  Speaker 1: So reconnecting and rediscovering your inner child is one step
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  Speaker 1: one path to finding out what all these adult triggers
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  Speaker 1: are and getting down to that root cause. So I
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  Speaker 1: could tell you finding that inner child in me was
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  Speaker 1: what led to the understanding that it was all the
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  Speaker 1: diets I was on as a kid that led to
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  Speaker 1: my unhappiness as an adult. So if you are a woman.
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  Speaker 1: This is retreats for women only, and you want to
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  Speaker 1: connect with your inner child and regain some of that
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  Speaker 1: creativity you might have lost in adulthood. Put a comment
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  Speaker 1: down below that you want more information about this retreat.
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  Speaker 1: It's happening in Jacksonville, Florida, January thirty first, too February second,
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  Speaker 1: and I'm trying to talk Elisa into coming and doing
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  Speaker 1: a workshop for us too, so maybe we could share
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  Speaker 1: her on to become a sponsor of the event. But
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  Speaker 1: now I also want to talk about how we could
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  Speaker 1: prevent this negative programming, how we can program or help
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  Speaker 1: our children receive the programming that's positive, the programming that
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  Speaker 1: will set them up for life without the need to
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  Speaker 1: reprogram later in life. Would you like to tell us
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  Speaker 1: something that you do in your program that might have
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  Speaker 1: helped parents if they got it at a younger age.
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  Speaker 2: I think y'all all starts with awareness. A lot of us, again,
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  Speaker 2: we are so caught out with our daily routines, with
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  Speaker 2: everything going on, that we don't even connect to ourselves.
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  Speaker 2: So that's the first step that I like to teach
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  Speaker 2: and to show parents and everybody that's open to this.
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  Speaker 5: Work and learning too. Regular or nervous system's a b
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  Speaker 5: one for me. And when I say regularly regulating our
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  Speaker 5: nervous system, it could be something like breathing, learning how
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  Speaker 5: to breathe, learning how to involve movement in our body
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  Speaker 5: while working also with our mindset. So those are the
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  Speaker 5: type of things that I'm talking about.
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  Speaker 2: And when we do this again, we will be able
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  Speaker 2: to see a lot of what's happening now. There is
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  Speaker 2: so much we can do on our own, but it
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  Speaker 2: is important also to work with a specialist, somebody that
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  Speaker 2: you trust that can support you in this process. I
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  Speaker 2: even have a coach that I work with and I
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  Speaker 2: do this work. So I'm saying that don't do this
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  Speaker 2: work by yourself. Doing in our child work can be
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  Speaker 2: very vulnerable, it is very healing. I would recommend to
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  Speaker 2: do it. I mean not everybody can do it. You
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  Speaker 2: have to find the person that resonates with you. And
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  Speaker 2: some people are not open to it because it maybe
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  Speaker 2: to triggering or it could be too much. There are ways,
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  Speaker 2: what I'm telling you, there are ways you can still
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  Speaker 2: do the work and you can still find a lot
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  Speaker 2: of healing and you don't even have to go so deep.
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  Speaker 2: So just be open to that, and that's what I
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  Speaker 2: like to share with people. During my journey, I wish
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  Speaker 2: I had the resources I have now. It was hard
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  Speaker 2: because it took me time and I don't want and
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  Speaker 2: that's one of my missions. I don't want people to
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  Speaker 2: go through the same that I went through. So I
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  Speaker 2: want people to have it a little bit easier to
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  Speaker 2: know that they have options. And one of the big
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  Speaker 2: things that I talk about, it's about medication, and I
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  Speaker 2: tell them, you know, medication, it's good for certain situations,
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  Speaker 2: and you may need to take medication, but again, medication
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  Speaker 2: is there to help you through the symptoms, but it's
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  Speaker 2: not going to go to the root cause of the issue.
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  Speaker 2: You still have to do the work.
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  Speaker 1: Yes, And I love that you talked about regulating your
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  Speaker 1: nervous system and breathing. That is something that I never learned,
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  Speaker 1: is the simple act of calming my breath. And I
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  Speaker 1: want you to know that when I learned how to meditate,
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  Speaker 1: which is nothing more than calming your breath. When I
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  Speaker 1: learned how to meditate, it changed my whole life. I
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  Speaker 1: used to take a whole gallon sized bag full of medication,
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  Speaker 1: and just simply learning how to meditate help me relieve
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  Speaker 1: some of those symptoms and get off some of those
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  Speaker 1: medications until I could tell you right now, I don't
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  Speaker 1: even take a tylanoal now, which is pretty good for
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: a sixty year old woman who used to be in
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: the military. Yes, and it all started with meditation, which
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  Speaker 1: is why if you're probably you're probably wondering who are
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: what this crazy character is behind me here. If you
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: haven't heard me talk before, if you haven't heard me
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  Speaker 1: become Princess Franci before, who is my inner child? Let
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: me explain. Princess Francy and Sparkle Feathers are some characters
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  Speaker 1: I met during meditation. Like I said, Princess Francy is
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  Speaker 1: my inner child and Sparkle Feathers is this kooky creature
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  Speaker 1: I met during a group meditation, and together they help children.
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  Speaker 1: It's self reflection and learning how to be comfortable in
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  Speaker 1: their own skin, and it all starts with meditation. The
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: book The Magic Library, you might think it's about reading
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: in a library, but it isn't. It's about meditation. This,
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: my friends, is The Magic Library. If you would like
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: a sneak peek about this book The Magic Library, check
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: out my website Personal Change warriors dot Com. I will
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: put the link in the comment On YouTube, I will
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: put the link in the description of this video. Check
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: out the website get your sneak peak of the book
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: and see how self reflection and meditation might not only
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: help your try old, but how it can help you
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: and your whole family too. Lisa, is there anything you'd
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  Speaker 1: like to say as we wrap up?
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  Speaker 2: I want to thank you for this opportunity, for the
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: work that you're doing that is very valuable, especially with kids.
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  Speaker 2: I think the more resources, the more tools we can
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  Speaker 2: share with them, the better with them and their parents,
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  Speaker 2: and that.
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  Speaker 6: They both can work together because it's not only I mean,
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  Speaker 6: this will affect so much in our world, not only
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  Speaker 6: our families, but it's a ripple effect and we are
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  Speaker 6: all together in this. We all need to put a
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  Speaker 6: little piece and contribute to our society for a better,
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  Speaker 6: healthier society.
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  Speaker 1: Man. And on that note, I just like to tell
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  Speaker 1: one little story. One day, we pulled up into the
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  Speaker 1: Walmart parking lot and as I'm getting out of my car,
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  Speaker 1: the lady next to me was on the phone and
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: you could just see her yelling at whoever was on
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: the other end, and then she hung up, and she
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: looked like she was about to throw the phone, and
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: then I guess she realized how expensive it was and
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: decided not to throw it. She got out of the
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: car and you could just see the skull on her face.
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  Speaker 1: I just looked at her and I smiled and I
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: said good morning, and you could just see that tension
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: melt off of her. And later on in the store
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  Speaker 1: we passed and she said thank you. That smile and
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: just saying good morning to me changed my perspective on
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: the day, and I want to think that that changed
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: her interaction with everybody else she meets throughout the day.
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  Speaker 1: So remember that it's not just about you, not just
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  Speaker 1: about your child, it's about your effect on the whole
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  Speaker 1: world around you totally.
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  Speaker 2: And he only took a smile.
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: That's it, just one smile. Smiles are contagious, Yes they are. Giggle.
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: If you giggle, it makes people giggle around you, or
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: maybe they're laughing at you, But who cares as long
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: as they're laughing. And on that note, thank you for
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: watching this episode of Parents Talk. If there's a subject
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: you'd like to hear about, put it in the comments
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: and I'll find somebody who could come talk with me
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: about it till next time.
• 21:42
  Speaker 2: Bye bye, thank you,