Latest / DA CREW Podcast / DA CREW PODCAST SEASON 1_ EPISODE #149_ HOST LATONYA MICHELLE LITTLEJOHN

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DA CREW PODCAST SEASON 1_ EPISODE #149_ HOST LATONYA MICHELLE LITTLEJOHN · DA CREW Podcast

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Our new liver Gay podcast show with your House Alma tom Oh God so
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another world that a game every second Monday and four Friday of each monthing this
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is that you don't want to miss. Good evening, everyone, and welcome
2:49
to another episode of Delay but not Denied the podcast. This is episode tonight.
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We will be discussing domestic violence. Domestic abuse, also called domestic violence
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or intimate partner violence, can be defined as a pattern or behavior in any
3:12
relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner.
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Before we get started, I would like to go to God in prayer.
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Heavenly Father would come to you tonight asking you to be in the midst
3:25
of the conversation. Let the word come across in a way that it needs
3:31
to. If anyone is seeking help and silently hurting inside, let this broadcast
3:39
be what they need to speak up and speak out. It's in your son
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Jesus' name, I pray Amen. When tonight I have my lovely guests with
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me, Lakeisha Trim Are you there? Yes, son Am Hello, Hello,
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Hello, how are you? I am wonderful and you I am blessed
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and highly favored. So tonight I want to talk to you about domestic violence.
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We talked about it after a show that we did previously, and you
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you shared with me some things, and if you're comfortable enough, I would
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like for you to share your experience tonight in hopes of doing so that someone
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will hear your story and you know, gain something from it so that they
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can leave their current situation and know that they can get out with their lives.
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I don't mind sharing at all. I don't mind sharing. So let's
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go. Okay, what was your first what was your introduction to domestic violence?
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Seeing my mother being abused. That was my very first time seeing someone
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go through domestic violence. It was hard as a child, but we got
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through it. Yeah, did what you see make you think at any point
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in time that that is how love is supposed to go? At first?
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I did. I'm sorry, I'm feeling some kind of way right now,
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but uh, okay, now I'm good. Yes and no, because I
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didn't think that love was supposed to be like that. I didn't think that
5:54
a woman that was doing everything right for her husband with the abused. So
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it was kind of messed up for me. But you know it, it
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hurt, but it didn't hurt because I didn't know the meaning of it at
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first. So right right when it happened to you, what happened first,
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Just let me put this disclaimer out here. Everything that comes out of my
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mother is reality. It's not nothing in nobody else's opinions or anything like that.
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It is what directly happened to me. And also, I want to
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put out a trigger warning just in case someone's triggered by anything that may be
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said on tonight. Please please let me know if I trigger anyone, please,
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because I'm not trying to do that, but I'm trying to help you
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to speak out. I was first abused by a man that I thought that
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loved me. What he didn't he loved what I can do for him.
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I love. I loved him from the from the death to my soul,
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from the death of my soul, because he gave me some beautiful kids.
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But for a man to put their hands on me, until it happened in
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reality with my with my family member, he saw it. So it was
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you know, that was my very first first battle with it. Then it
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kept happening. And I'm not gonna faut the male because myself, I allowed
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it and I stayed in the relationships that I was in when I got abused.
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I tried to make it work, but it wasn't for me. So,
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yeah, you don't have to go into detail if you don't want to.
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But if anything, was he triggered by something, did he see something
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growing up and brought that into your home or was he just angry and built
8:39
up with aggression? Well with the one from the first one, I'm gonna
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say the second one with him, it's he was always angry and me thinking
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that I could be the one that he doesn't do it too, knowing his
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history. He did it to me after a certain amount of time. It
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was like he kept going, kept going, kept going, and I was
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still letting him back in. But I realized that because I am the person
9:20
I am, he was a man that could not be with a woman that
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was making more than him, that was being more productive than him. You
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know, that was a pillar of the community. He didn't like that.
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He didn't like the attention on me. He wanted the attention on him,
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but he couldn't get the attention that he needed, so he took it out
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on me. So share what happened, Yeah, I can. And this
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relationship, the one that I'm talking about, I didn't look at the science.
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It was in my heart. I just wanted to be with this person.
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And when he held a gun to his own head because somebody didn't want
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to do something for him, and he wanted me to feel sorry for him
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because I thought he was really gonna shoot hisself, But he didn't because he
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came back act in the same way he did before Boston, being belligerent,
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stealing, and our naive narcissist. All that he came to the house,
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the one, the one episode, the first one he came to the house,
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when he came back to Houston with me and we were at home and
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he just went off the chain and broke my old gave me a black eye,
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and just fight me in front of my kids. And then he pulled
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my gun and shot the gun on the ground in the house. So it
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was like you fighting me, But why are you fighting me? What did
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I do for you to fight me? You know? And I kept saying,
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yeah, I bought it on myself. But then I had to realize
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I didn't do nothing but go to work and come home. Oh wait,
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I didn't. I didn't let you use my car that you didn't pay the
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insurance on, that you don't have a job to put gas in the park.
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I didn't let you do what you wanted to do with the things that
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I had accumulated and had worked so hard, or I wouldn't let you damage
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those things, you know. And then you take it out on me because
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I wouldn't. You know, when you say no to a person and that
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that is so much into themselves and thinking that they can rule you no.
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So I allowed myself to get beat and beat and beat and beat, but
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instead of kept taking him back, And it was horrible in the end because
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he ended up being a stalker in this situation, When did you decide that
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you had enough? Oh lord, oh wow? When did you decide in
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this situation that you had had enough? When it got to the point where
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when he went to jail, he got out of jail and I allowed him
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back. But when we got married, we came back home and you know
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how you have the box of envelopes and stuff that you be opening and happy
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and stuff that somebody gave you a gift. So we opened the enveloads and
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were taking the money and stuff out the envelopes, and it was like he
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was like, well, where are all the money at? Where all the
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money? What do you mean where all the money at? It? You
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just opened the envelopes. You just took the money out of their helps.
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Well that's all what you think people are gonna give you meetings and meetings of
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dollars. Well I need this money. No, that's not just for you,
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that's for me and you. And being that you don't have a job,
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you should just leave your way a second. And he got mad because
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I took the money and I put it up to get ready to go play
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bills and stuff, and he was pissed off. Then it's like, why
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are you pissed off from what my family gave, not your family, what
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my family gave. So he kept being like that. It was it was
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always about money, and when he did finally get a job, it was
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like I couldn't see nothing that came in the house. So he kept being
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mad at me because he spend his money and wants to spend mine. No,
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you can't do that because mine is for my household. So he was
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he was that kind of person, and he was controllless. He was very
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jealous because of what the things that he was doing behind my back. Like
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they say, when things are done to adult, they come to the light.
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Well, some things came to the light because a person accused you of
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so much and they keep accusing you, that means they're doing it. And
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in reality, I found out he was doing stuff on me. He butt
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died me a couple of times while he was in a call with females.
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But I never told him that I knew. Wow, never, How did
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you? How did you heal from this situation? It took some time because
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I said I would never love again after this happened with him, because the
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tragedy that came came about for reality to set set in. Was I almost
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killed him? Mm hmm. It had got to that point he put my
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face in the stove, and my instincts came in. You wasn't about to
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kill me in front of my kids, and I almost killed him, almost
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killed him, And it was my time to get out, my time to
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leave because I didn't want my kids to see me go through that. So
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if I have to go ahead, go ahead. My exit plan was he
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wasn't coming back into my house. He was going to jail. He was
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gonna tail. You put your hands on me again. I gave you so
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many times. That was it. I was done. I'm not nobody's punching
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bag. So and then for my kids to see that, and then for
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me to go to work with a black eye and the broke nose. No,
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So all I did was telling me he couldn't come back. And then
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he ended up going back to Louisiana, getting with someone else and started stalking
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me. And when he started stalking me, that's when it had he It
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couldn't it couldn't happen again. Was this the first husband or the previous that
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was the third husband? The previous husband? Hm hmm. Just say we
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ended where I had my haird split open, I had twelve staples, I
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had a lot of bruises. I got stumped and I didn't want to lose
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my marriage. But when it came down to that point, it was time
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for me to go. So I left and he went to jail. He
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got out of jail, and now he's doing what he want to do,
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and I'm doing what I want to do. I feel you, I feel
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you have your I know you have some daughters, right, yes, have
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they had to endure seeing anything that happened that they've carried into situations that they
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have. Well, one of my daughters, yeah, she was in a
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situation where she would she would let her boyfriend be her. Well, it
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wasn't lit she would, she wouldn't fight back. She wouldn't fight back.
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And I can say it was because of me, also because she saw me
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go through it. But I don't know what was in her mind, but
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I know she was loving him. She loved him to the tea, loved
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them to the tea, and until she went through it herself, then she
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was able to understand what I was trying to teach them. Right now,
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to touch any one of them if you want to touch any one of them,
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even even my son, touch any one of them if you want to,
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it's not gonna be nothing nice. We went through it too much.
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They go through it. They went through it. I witnessed my parents going
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through domestic violence, crazy thing. I hear stories all the time of things
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that they did before they adopted me. And you know, for a long
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time they got me a eighteen months old and a long time nothing, and
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then when I turned about thirteen or fourt team like all hell broke loose and
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then they just it's almost like from what was told to me, it's like
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they picked up what they left off, if that makes any sense. And
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you know, seeing that, and my mom was the aggressor, yeah,
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it was crazy. It was crazy. And they remained married. Like you
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know, it was one of those scenarios of what goes on behind these doors
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stay behind these doors, and so you know, nobody saw what was going
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on except for myself, other foster kids, and a friend that I had
20:18
from up the street. She saw it because she was always at my house
20:22
every day. So I believed that in order for somebody to love you,
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that that was just the part of it, if that makes any sense.
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Like because sixty if my dad was still alive, they'd be celebrating like sixty
20:48
three years of marriage at the end of this year. And it's just amazing
20:56
the things that I've seen them go through that they stayed together. And because
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my mom and dad stayed together. I've only had one domestic violence situation,
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and it happened after I got married. I've been choked, I've been punched,
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slapped, verbally abused more so than anything, and as a current,
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it hasn't happened in over fifteen years or whatever. But now my bonus daughter
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is going through things, and I feel like it's the karma from what she's
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seen happened to me and what she's seen happened to her mom, And because
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neither one of us did anything about it, she doesn't do anything about it.
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And it's hard because one I feel like my dad would be turning over
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in his grave if he knew that, at a point in time in life
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that somebody was putting their hands on me, because he never put his hands
22:30
on me. He he didn't believe in whoopings and things of that nature.
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He knew other ways of getting my attention versus doing all of that or whatever,
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but currently, just as as current as a couple of weeks ago.
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My bonus daughter went through a situation and everything that I've ever gone through came
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back flooding, like like it happened yesterday. And so I deal with depression,
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I deal with anxiety, and all of it has had me on pins
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and needles to a place where I'm like, will it happen again? You
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know, I'm just like, I'm watching everybody. I'm not comfortable, and
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I'm just like, I don't know how to move without just spazzing out.
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And you know, if I had to do it all over again, I
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would not because going through counseling with you and some other counselings that I've done
23:48
over the years, I'm beginning to learn my self worth. I know that
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in order for somebody to love me holy, I have to to love me
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holy. And I'm learning how to do that because I was never taught how
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to. And I'm trying to teach that to my bonus daughter. Like we're
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like joint at the hip basically for the most part, and we have conversations
24:19
that she doesn't have with her parents, Like I know things that they don't
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know, and I feel comfortable being that person. She's able to come to,
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you know, because she knows there's no judgment. And I'm gonna listen
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now, I'm gonna tell you how I feel about the situation. That that's
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the part of the deal, and what you do with that information is what
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you do with it. However, I'm I'm here and I'm present in what
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she needs from me and moving forward, like just trying to put one foot
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in front of the other is has been hard for me, Like everything in
25:02
me tells me to run. I hear God more clearly now than I've ever
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heard him ever in forty four years, telling me it's time, Like why
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do but I have to keep allowing things to happen to you because I do
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believe that God allows things to happen to get you to understand your worry and
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so you know, I'm not trying to spend the block on that again,
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Like I mean, I just I can't. I can't fantom how a person
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can love you and beat you. I don't care what amount of anger they're
25:48
enduring or whatever. It doesn't equate there. You know, people said love
25:56
doesn't hurt, and it shouldn't, but it does. In certain situations.
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So I'm stuck, like you know, you know, I just don't know
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whether I'm coming or going or what have you from stuff that happened, like
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you said, sixteen years ago, and it's like it just happened. Like
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like you said, love is not supposed to hurt, but sometimes love do
26:36
hurt, and sometimes we do have to go through those lessons in order to
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teach ourselves what we need, you know, at sometimes in our lives,
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like you said, God brings you the places to get you to the place
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where he needs you to be, you know, and for us to go
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through those things, not for us to stay in that place. You was
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explaining that, you know, it hasn't happened in fifteen sixteen years, but
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who's to say that it's you know, it's not gonna happen. You know.
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You you have been through the verbal abuse, the mental abuse, right
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and you already have them diety and you have depression. So all that's polling
27:22
on up to each other. In a minute, you go burst. I'm
27:27
not saying it to be in a negative way. I'm being real. You
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know you are gonna burst because you are holding so much in you are taking
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on the responsibilities of your bonus child also because the things that she's been through.
27:44
But in order for you all to heal from one thing, you can't
27:47
take on somebody else's stuff if you cannot heal yourself from your stuff. So
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with me being in the situations that I was in, I saw I saw
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my mom go through what she went through. It hurt, it really did
28:03
because some things that she was holding in. It damaged her to the point
28:07
where she killed my stepdaddy. It it ended in the wrong way. And
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you know, every day, I do think of it every day and people
28:21
be like, well, how could you I think about it every day?
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Yes, I do. I really do. In my mind, I think
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about it because it makes me stronger because I look at what my mom went
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through, and then I look at what I allowed myself to go through.
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Not putting the blame on the people that did it to me, I put
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the blame on myself because I allowed them to do it to me. I
28:41
kept being there even though I was part of Signs, and even though you
28:45
know, the hurt, the pain and everything that I went through, I
28:48
still allowed myself to stay there. You know, I can fault them,
28:52
yes, for putting their hands on me and treatment the way they treated me.
28:56
But I need to fault myself also because I allowed once again that word
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allowed. A person is only gonna do what you allow them to do to
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you. So if they hit you that first time and you don't like that
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they hit you that first time, and you know that they're not gonna change,
29:14
and you think they're not gonna change, leave walk out the door.
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If you can't walk out the door and they try to come get you,
29:19
fight back, fight back. But if you can't fight back, wait till
29:26
that night. Leave out the door. I'm gonna give you some escape routes.
29:30
Leave out the door. You know it don't always where everybody looks and
29:33
say, well I don't have this, this and this. There's help out
29:36
there for people that can escape in the middle of the night or whatever.
29:40
There's help out there. There's people out there that will help you. But
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you have to open your mouth. Don't keep behind closed doors, no more,
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don't don't. Don't keep behind closed doors because it can be too late.
29:53
It can be too late. It could have been too late for me.
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I done did it twice, but God saved me. He opened my
30:02
eyes this last time, really opened my eyes because it was a head.
30:08
It wasn't it wasn't a part of my body. It was my head.
30:14
That that that focus right there, the top of the top of my head
30:18
was cut open twelve staples, not stitches staples. So yes, love hurts.
30:32
It's not supposed to, but it hurts. It hurts mentally, it
30:36
hurts physically, it hurt emotionally. But when you are mentally drained, you
30:45
have to say that's enough. And if you cannot say that's enough, tap
30:53
somebody or pick up the phone and just say, hey, I gotta talk,
31:00
because if you don't get it out, it's gonna bottle up there and
31:06
it's gonna be sorry, it's gonna be like this code and it's gonna fiz
31:11
and fizz and fiez and when you open it at first. So you have
31:18
to you have to sit there and you have to you have to think about
31:22
you. You have to think about Hey, you know what, it's not
31:25
my time. I'm still growing, I'm still I can still live, you
31:30
know because right now, I think if a person wants to get out of
31:34
something and you tell the man all female that you want to get out,
31:38
some people are right now saying Okay go because they know them right, They
31:45
know that, hey, you do this one more time, I might hurt
31:48
you. So it's best that we split. You know, some people are
31:52
like that now me myself, somebody here. It was if someone right now
32:05
and want to put their hands on me right now, you know. Yeah,
32:15
as I'm playing, as I was saying before, like, I feel
32:21
like the things that our children see is black karma. Like and I've had
32:31
this discussion with with my spouse. I told him that you know, everything
32:37
that his daughter's seen and she's seen be accepted. She now accepts. And
32:45
as a father, you know you don't want to see your daughter letting some
32:51
somebody put their hands on them. And I mean if men would just stop
32:57
and think how they would feel if somebody was harming their mom, their sister,
33:02
or even their daughter, I think things would change. But people don't
33:07
look at things like that. They let anger build up and boil over and
33:13
they react. And I'm a firm believer of you show me who you are
33:17
one time, and that's who you are to me, Like there's nothing else
33:21
that you can say to me to make me. People change. I do,
33:24
granted, people change. They change if they desire to change. We
33:30
also had a conversation about how a woman could be a prostitute and give her
33:35
life to God and become a pastor. But they're always is going to be
33:39
looked at as being a prostitute because that's what people see. And it's the
33:45
same thing with any form of abuse. If you've ever abused somebody, that's
33:51
what that's what you're known for, and that's what people see you as.
33:57
And so you know, I'm trying to who find my way at this point,
34:04
like I'm just like I've stayed in it because I didn't want to hear
34:10
that. I told you so, I told you it wasn't gonna last.
34:14
I told you, I told you didn't. Nobody want to marry you.
34:16
Nobody wants to be with the disabled person. But I know what God has
34:22
for me is for me. But I have to love me first. So
34:27
and I'm getting that. I'm getting that, and I'm getting back to me.
34:35
It's it's only so. But before we hop off of here, I
34:39
want to ask you go ahead. I said, I'm sorry. I said,
34:47
it starts with the inner. You have to learn yourself from the inside
34:53
out. And if you don't learn yourself from the inside out. You will
34:59
say yourself up to allow anything and anyone to treat you the way that they
35:06
want you to treat you because you don't know and you haven't learned yourself all
35:16
right, right, So in closing, I want to ask you what advice
35:25
would you have for someone that's currently going through domestic violence who may be afraid
35:31
to leave or don't know how to What advice would you give that that person.
35:42
I would tell that person that other person has to leave the house sometimes,
35:49
and when they do leave the house, get out, or when they
35:53
do leave the house, call someone, call the police. They will come
36:00
get you in a herd second. If you feel for your life that much,
36:06
trust your instincts will tell you what to do at that time. Don't
36:12
allow again, don't allow yourself to allow them to do what they want to
36:20
do to you. Get out. If you don't have no money, These
36:25
places out there that's going to help you. See can you shall find knocking
36:32
the doors She'll be all right? Absolutely, absolutely absolutely. I also want
36:44
to throw out there again that you do counseling. So if anybody needs someone
36:51
to talk to, how can they find you? They can find me on
36:57
Facebook at Lakisha trim Green. They can find me on Facebook also at author
37:01
Lakeisha trim Green, on Instagram at author Lakeisha trim Green, or you can
37:08
find me at you know my phone number. I'll give it to you if
37:12
you want to, or just gone here and ask them. They will give
37:15
you everything you need to get in contact with me because I am willing and
37:19
I'm an open book. I don't sugarcoat nothing. I am here to help
37:23
you, so reach out to me. I'm here. I thank you again
37:34
for coming on tonight. Never planned on sharing my story, but you know,
37:45
in the same way that I felt like somebody would benefit from knowing what
37:51
you've gone through and grew through, then you know maybe my story would be
38:00
able to serve the same purpose. So I thank you again for instilling courage.
38:09
You are, you are a maiding Thank you, thank you, thank
38:14
you. I'm not gonna say too much because I'm not gonna sit on here
38:19
and cry, but I I'm grateful for you. I love you the pieces
38:27
and again, this has been delayed but not denied. The podcast where you
38:34
may be delayed, but you're never denied from what God has in store for
38:37
you. If you are going through domestic violence of any type, mental,
38:45
mental, physical, emotional. I advise you to seek help and get out
38:55
again. I thank you, and we're out of here. Goodnight, good night,