Latest / Her Working Life / The Chaos and Joy of Being a Working Mom | Ep. 4
Transcript
- Courtnie Cotterell: Welcome back to our fourth episode of Her Working Life. And this is Real Conversations for Real Life. We're so excited to have you here today, especially as we talk today about a topic that's really near and dear to both of our hearts. This is the topic of motherhood. So, Jordan, circling back to our last episode, did you work out today? no, that's great. Hey. Jordyn Fullmer: Let's go. I can say yes for once. It's my second workout of the week. I missed one and I've yeah, I'm on two. What about you? It's only Wednesday. Courtnie Cotterell: It's only Wednesday. Yeah. No, I yeah, you you're good. Two two out of three is great. Jordyn Fullmer: Right. Courtnie Cotterell: yes, I taught a class today and by the time that this airs, it will have been a few weeks. So maybe it will just kind of be funny by then. But I showed up and one of the instructors at our gym actually accidentally took my microphone. So I didn't know that until later. So like I couldn't find the microphone until later. So anyway, I taught the entire class yelling at everyone, which I'm not a yeller. Jordyn Fullmer: Dude, that's so awesome. That was I that Courtnie Cotterell: It was so horrible. Jordyn Fullmer: feels like it would be more tiring than just teaching right? Like you're using Courtnie Cotterell: Yeah. Yeah. Jordyn Fullmer: your energy to yell that like breathless. That sounds so hard. Courtnie Cotterell: At one point I like stood up on top of top of the bench and I was like, I'm so out of breath. So it's fine. It was good though. Thank you. You too. Jordyn Fullmer: Man, that's amazing. Well, good job on the workouts. I love it. yeah, we're I'm stoked to talk about motherhood. I'm just gonna share about my own kids life, my daily life with kids. And then I wanna hear about yours too. So I have four kids. My oldest is nine, and then seven, five, and two. I have three boys and a girl. And after having my third boy, I was like full acceptance that I probably would have all boys. I honestly never really imagined myself with a daughter at that point because I think I thought if I didn't get one, then, you know, it just was like not even a thing in my life. So, when my daughter came along, it's been a a whirlwind of a different life with her. It's been fun. She's I mean, she's crazy, man. She's she changes her clothes like a hundred times a day. She she's my fourth kid. She's Courtnie Cotterell: That's amazing. Jordyn Fullmer: definitely like my most challenging in the sense that she's just a tornado more than my boys, which is kind of funny. But as far as like my day, you know, we I usually try and go to the gym in the morning if I can get up at about five thirty. And then I get my two boys to school. I just have my two older boys in school right now. So we do a mixture of hot, cold lunch, whatever it is. We do breakfast. We drive to school. My husband or I, we usually rotate off 'cause We live far enough away where we we waiver to their school and so we don't have like a bus system or anything like that. So we drive and then come home and just do mom life, you know? It's like, how how messy's the house? What do I need to clean up? What do I what do I need to do there? And then that's kind of the morning routine. My third boy has preschool and different things like that, midday that I take him to. but just your your normal mom life. Sometimes I squeeze some work stuff into there. Usually it's just laptop work if Anything. it's pretty hard to film with kids around, so that usually doesn't work out very well. and then, you know, as the day goes on, go get the kids from school and then we're just right into practices. So pretty, pretty classic mom life right now. I'm entering into the busy stage of having three kids in sports. And so we've got my son has practice every day. Like that's been new for us this year because he's doing great kid. And so that's been new. And then my other two boys are doing football as well right now and they have practices and it's just crazy. Like I've heard a lot of moms talk about living in their car and I feel like I'm like ascending to that. I'm not like fully quite there yet, Courtnie Cotterell: Ha Jordyn Fullmer: but I'm like I can I can like almost taste that. Like, yeah, like we're gonna be in our car. So Courtnie Cotterell: It can still feel like it for sure, yes. Jordyn Fullmer: yeah, my days are I mean, you know how it is as moms, like they're all a jumble of madness and chaos and n no day is the same, but in the end it's it's amazing and I I freaking love it and I love that I get to be with my kids during the day and get to be the one to, you know, take to things. So curious what your Courtnie Cotterell: Yeah. Jordyn Fullmer: day what your day looks like. Tell us about your situation with your kids. Courtnie Cotterell: That's awesome. Yeah, well I actually have a question for you first. are your kids with the boys all in the are they all like they're all playing the same sport, it sounds like football. do Jordyn Fullmer: Okay. Courtnie Cotterell: they all practice at the same place at the same time? Like or are you everywhere? Jordyn Fullmer: everywhere. So my oldest practices at our high school and then so Courtnie Cotterell: Okay. Jordyn Fullmer: he does every day two hours in the evening. And then my second one practices just once a week at the junior high. It's actually just across the street though. Courtnie Cotterell: Okay. Jordyn Fullmer: And different time a little bit, but he he plays in two leagues and so he has like Thursday night games, Saturday games, and then my other one practices at a different elementary school on Fridays, and then Courtnie Cotterell: man. Jordyn Fullmer: he has games on Saturday. So mostly games on Courtnie Cotterell: Okay. Jordyn Fullmer: Saturdays and one on Thursday night and then just random practices. So it's kinda random. Courtnie Cotterell: Okay. Wow, that's busy. And does your daughter do anything right now or is she just your buddy? Jordyn Fullmer: Yeah, she's she's just my buddy right now. She's two and a half and so she's she's so funny. She's definitely into sports more than any of my kids were at her age. Like she loves volleyball right now, which is so funny. I played volleyball Courtnie Cotterell: That's awesome. Jordyn Fullmer: some growing up, but sh she it's just it's fascinating. I don't know. You'd think by the fourth kid I would have like the stages locked down, but I feel like she's so funny. Like she just wants to play volleyball. And I'm like, dude, you're like two years old. She's like, Mom, let's go play volleyball. I'm like, okay. So crazy. So much fun. Courtnie Cotterell: that's amazing. well, you may have a little volleyball champ on your hands there. You just don't know yet. Jordyn Fullmer: That'd be sick. I wouldn't be opposed to that. Courtnie Cotterell: volleyball's so fun. That's awesome. okay. So yes, I'm kind of like I'm listening to everything that you're saying and it's just like taking me back. Like hauling a few kids with you. I feel like there were so many years I was hauling a car seat and a stroller and kids and you're trying to grab snacks. And it's like women are super human. Like it is pretty incredible Jordyn Fullmer: Totally. Courtnie Cotterell: the superpower we have to be able to manage all the things. It's kind of funny. I was seeing a I was like just scrolling Instagram today for a second and I think it was ESPNW posted this video of this mom. I think they were just at a baseball game, like a professional baseball game. I don't even remember what team. And she had like the Bjorn with the baby on the front, but like the baby was old enough to like grab and like kick, you know, like and long enough limbs that it could have done damage. And she Jordyn Fullmer: Yeah. Courtnie Cotterell: walks in, she has like a bag on her shoulder, she has the baby in the front, then she's holding three different containers of food. And her husband's just like chilling in the seat, and she has to get and maneuver in. And the commentators are like, look at this super mom. Like, she's amazing. Look at how she's getting in there. Did that guy just ask her if she forgot something? Like her husband, like, did you get the something, something, you know? And Jordyn Fullmer: Yeah. Courtnie Cotterell: so she sits down, she moves the bag, sits down with the baby, and the guy just starts eating. And the mom's like sitting there, like holding the food out so the baby can't touch it. And she's just like feeding the child's mouth. Like, and she's just sitting there, and they're like, That poor mom, by the time she eats, her food will be cold. I'm like, yes, it will. Jordyn Fullmer: Dude, if if that's not like the moral of every mom's life, I don't Courtnie Cotterell: Yeah. Jordyn Fullmer: know what is. Like, it's so true. That's so funny. Courtnie Cotterell: I know, I know. So it's wild. But yeah, no, so I have five kids. My kids are just a little bit older. I have, well, a lot older than your kids. I have a daughter who is 20, and then a son who is 18, a daughter who has a birthday next week and will be 17, and then a 15-year-old and a 12-year-old. So they're all my kids are about two years apart. when they were tiny, it felt totally chaotic. As they've gotten older, it still feels totally chaotic. probably the craziest year was the year that my oldest was 15 because she couldn't drive. And so I was driving everywhere for everyone. And it was a lot. And I had a fellow Jordyn Fullmer: So much. Courtnie Cotterell: mom reach out to me and just be like, you know, this is gonna like one day I just felt like I couldn't do it, you know. Like how how am I supposed to manage all of this? Managing carpools and trying to get carpools and trying to drive the kids in different directions at the same time. my sister-in-law actually was like, Hey, this is gonna be the busiest year for you, and it's gonna be okay because then it's gonna get better. But I remember thinking the next year, like, it doesn't feel better. It does get better. And Jordyn Fullmer: Interesting. Courtnie Cotterell: now I have two kids that are moved and out of the house. And man, I my two middle girls that are 17 and 15 are both in high school, and they are both on the same team at the high school. So my 17-year-old drives my 15-year-old, which That's been life changing and I kind of am seeing what empty nesters go through where you feel like you have all this time and you're in a quiet house and it's so sad. So sometimes Jordyn Fullmer: Yeah. Courtnie Cotterell: my twelve year old daughter, like she gets the attention and sometimes she just doesn't want the attention and we'll see. Cause she has a lot of years ahead of her where she's gonna be getting a lot of attention, I think. So anyway. But yeah, no, my date. go ahead. What were you gonna say? Jordyn Fullmer: Dude, that's crazy. It's interesting No, you no, you you finished. I was gonna say I was just gonna say it's interesting to hear you say like you thought the next year would be easier because I feel like that's Courtnie Cotterell: Yeah. Jordyn Fullmer: been me like every year of my life. And I know for a fact me telling myself, I can't you know, sometimes of course I'm like, hi I can't wait until my two year old's like four because it's it's gotta Courtnie Cotterell: Yeah. Jordyn Fullmer: be easier at that stage, right? She's not gonna be crying all the time. But I know also like deep down that the older my kids get, it's not gonna get any easier. And I feel like Courtnie Cotterell: Ha ha ha. Jordyn Fullmer: every person I ever talk to that has older kids is like, hey, don't, you know, like don't hate on your stage right now because it does get a lot Courtnie Cotterell: Yeah. Jordyn Fullmer: busier and harder in a lot of ways. And so just funny to hear you say that. Cause I think every year comes with new challenges and something that's harder, right? Courtnie Cotterell: Yeah, yeah. Well, and like you probably have heard this, but people always say when you have younger kids, it's more physically demanding. Jordyn Fullmer: Mm-hmm. Courtnie Cotterell: When their kids are older, it's more emotionally demanding. And yes, I agree with that, but also like it's just demanding. Like I feel like there's phases when your kids are young that it's also mentally and emotionally, you know, draining and demanding. And flip side, like it's the same for when you get older, like some of your kids do need kind of more physical, you know, you need to be there at things. And so it's just a little bit different, but it's fine. But Jordyn Fullmer: For sure. Yeah. Courtnie Cotterell: my daily life used to look like yours, waking up crack of dawn, working out. Now my daily life looks like, okay, I wake up. My my kids are really good at getting up. And my husband actually is an early riser. So that kind of helps because when I have a late night with Amazon or something, then he can kind of hold down the fort. But you know, my kids, I've I've kind of tried to help them to be a little bit more self sufficient. They've been doing lot their own laundry. Like they all started doing laundry when they were like, I don't know, seven, eight, maybe. Jordyn Fullmer: That's awesome. Courtnie Cotterell: Like they they can do laundry. It's not that bad. So kind of trying to give it them just a little bit more responsibility. So they kind of make their own lunches and they choose, you know, if they do hot or cold or whatnot. And so, but yeah, so they leave. I go teach at the gym mid-morning after they've left to school, and then I come home and just kind of. Do whatever. I do try to be very mindful of my time that when my kids come home from school, I do want to be there for them. so they don't want me like at the you know, like at the kitchen table, like, okay, I'm ready. What happened? Like, tell me all the things. So, you know, I try to like distract myself and have everything be kind of more natural with, you know, I'm usually doing things when they come home, but I try to make dinner. I was really good at that when they were little, and as they've gotten older. You know, and less kids are at home. Like we do eat leftovers probably more than we used to, but I still I like to cook. So we'll make dinner and we try to eat together at night, which is really great. And then yeah, try to get people to not stay up super late. So that's the goal. Jordyn Fullmer: That's awesome. I love it. I love it. That's so cool. Yeah, cooking dinner is its own beast for sure. Especially I Courtnie Cotterell: No, for sure. Jordyn Fullmer: can imagine when you're going every witch way. I'm starting to run into that. So what's what would you say like your parenting philosophy is and has been? Courtnie Cotterell: Hmm, you know, it's kind of changed a little bit. I think the more you can't look back at yourself and kind of kick yourself in the pants for what you didn't know at the time or the way that you did things because that's probably what you knew is best. So I think a big thing is making sure that you can course correct. for me it's been really important to have open communication with my kids and to apologize because I do feel like past generations maybe weren't so great at apologizing or or admitting fault with issues and things that may, you know. have happened and I want my kids to always know that they can come to me when there's a problem and we can talk about it and I'm not just gonna like jump down their throats and and deny or you know, whatever it is. so trying to just kind of be open and talking, which is tricky when you kind of get that moody stage of teenagers like trying to talk to a moody teenager is not always the easiest thing to do. I think the other thing too is helping my kids feel empowered. that they can have opinions and that they can voice those opinions and have it be a safe space. I would also say like making my kids feel like they have a huge cheerleader in me and feeling like whatever they want to try and do that they're going to have my support. those are probably main things. I'm sure there's a few other things, but I mean going back to the laundry situation, like also responsibility. Like you are a working member of our household. It does not all fall back on me just because you think I'm here eating bonbons and watching TV during the day, which does not happen. But it's like everyone needs to have responsibility. And we even just had a sit-down conversation with our girls like maybe two weeks ago. I call it like our come to Jesus moment because it was like things had just been building and we just sat them down and were like, You guys, like you, we taught you. To wipe down the counter or like put your dishes in the dishwasher, not just a sink. Like when you were two, you were doing this. Like, come on. So it they kind of had to have like a, okay, yeah, you're right. No, we need to do better. So anyway, again, just open communication I think is huge. what about you, Jordan? Jordyn Fullmer: Yeah, so I love a lot of things you said and I think a big one for me is helping the kids realize their greatness, right? I think Courtnie Cotterell: No. Jordyn Fullmer: helping them have independence is a good stepping stone into that. So I love your laundry stuff. And I think like lately my oldest boy has been saying I mean, all kids do it. All people do it. But you know, for example, maybe I I suck at football. And my husband and I have been trying really hard to help him not identify himself as that, because I think in these young stages, if he believes that, then maybe that's what it will become, right? And so I do think in these young stages, like you can kind of morph those identities easier than when you're older. And so that's something that we've been trying to focus on is just helping our kids realize you know, he maybe he comes home and says, I suck at math. Like I'm just not good at math. And it's like, well, is that actually true? Or do you just not understand this specific thing? You know what I mean? I don't know. I guess Courtnie Cotterell: Yeah, yeah. Jordyn Fullmer: maybe I'm not explaining it perfectly, but I just think that's really important is helping the kids realize how great they are and their their potential and what they can be instead of labeling themselves as what they really are. You know what I mean? And then Courtnie Cotterell: Yeah. Jordyn Fullmer: I also love like the open conversation that you talked about. I feel the same way. I want my kids to be able to come to me with anything, whether that's good or bad, or something that made them sad or happy, right? Like I want them to come to me and share that with me and know and trust that I'm not going to react negatively. my parents were always really good about that. And so that's something I want to be and and and sometimes that's hard. I think when the kids, even on small small things, it's like when they c come to me and tell me that they broke something or you know what I mean? Like it's just these Courtnie Cotterell: Yeah. Jordyn Fullmer: little practices that I think reacting in the right way and you build that up over time builds that trust. So hopefully when my kids are teenagers, they know that they come to me and I won't, you know, overreact. And on Courtnie Cotterell: Yeah. Jordyn Fullmer: on a side note of that as well, like I think not always Correcting them can help with that. So I don't know what a good example would be maybe if my son came to me and with an idea that wasn't something that was a good idea, right? But to him it is. Maybe it's nothing bad, maybe it's just not a great idea. It's like rather than just completely shutting it down, I think kind of being like, Yeah, okay, kind of thing, and then going with the next suggestion or whatever. I just think those Courtnie Cotterell: Yeah. Jordyn Fullmer: little things can add up over time. And so These are all things that I believe shapes them, you know, into who they are who they can be, their confidence, things like that. and then I'm just kind of a like with my boys right now and their ages, I'm kind of just yeah, boys are crazy, let them be, right? Like I I'm totally the type I Yeah, you Courtnie Cotterell: Like kids will be kids. Jordyn Fullmer: just as far as like I'm just I'm pretty chill, I guess is what I'm trying to say with the boys just being wild. Obviously it gets to me, but the noise and like the I mean the three boys together, it can get nuts, right? Like they're so Courtnie Cotterell: I'm sure. Jordyn Fullmer: loud and they're always fighting and wrestling and it's just crazy. And so I'm I think partly I've been forced into this, but I love that they can just express themselves and most of the time I try and be chill. They're literally screaming in the car. There's a point where I'm like, no. But you know Courtnie Cotterell: Yeah. Jordyn Fullmer: Like I also think it's good. I don't wanna like shut that down. Courtnie Cotterell: I could see you just being so like cool and calm and collected driving and they're like going manic in the back and you're just like, Calm down, please. Maybe take it down a level. Jordyn Fullmer: totally. No, like for sure. There's a lot of time where I'm like just letting it happen. Like my husband and I will just be like, Yeah, we're she can talk later. We'll s we'll Courtnie Cotterell: Ha ha Jordyn Fullmer: just talk later. And they're like screaming. Obviously we hit walls. I'm not saying we're perfectly like, yeah, you guys just do your own thing. But like there is a lot of that and there's a lot of us just totally shutting it down and being like, Okay, you guys need to stop right now, you know what I mean? Courtnie Cotterell: Yeah. Jordyn Fullmer: But anyways. Courtnie Cotterell: Yeah. Well, and kind of circling back to something that you said, it it's kind of like that. I don't know if you've heard this before, but like as a parent, you want to try to say yes as much as you can. So if they come to you and say something instead of just being like no, like automatic shutdown. And honestly, that is kind of hard for me sometimes, especially when my kids were younger. It's like I had to Jordyn Fullmer: Mm-hmm. Courtnie Cotterell: remind myself actively, like, okay, I can say yes to this. It's not that big of a deal. It's gonna be fine. Like, yeah. Jordyn Fullmer: Yeah. Totally. And and this is this is an aspiration of mine, right? Like I'm I am not great at it either. It's Courtnie Cotterell: Yeah. Jordyn Fullmer: something I want to be better at and I try to be better at, but I'm definitely like, yeah, with the little kids, it's so easy to just immediately say no. But Courtnie Cotterell: Yeah. Jordyn Fullmer: I think just saying yes can kind of build that confidence slowly in them. And and I I think that can benefit them, right? Courtnie Cotterell: for sure. Jordyn Fullmer: let's talk about working and being mom. And do you feel like those two things are like the same identity or separate identities? Courtnie Cotterell: yeah, I mean, for me, I would say yes. They're well, I guess, yeah, they're like the same to me, I guess. And here's why. This is why I'm going to say yes, is because I feel like my kids see me work, but they also see me mom. And I want them to have like a good balance all the way of what I can. Like the I personally am capable of doing something myself. Like It's not just like dad can only do things and mom just can only do like the more domestic things. Like my husband's actually really fantastic at being very hands-on in terms of the groceries or doing laundry, moving things out, doing the dishes. Like we don't have that kind of more like 1950s type. Well, that kind of actually sounds really old. 1950s, that was a while ago. But you know what I mean, where it was like the mom in like the little dress and all those pictures Jordyn Fullmer: Totally. Courtnie Cotterell: of her holding the casserole with the apron. Like We are not like that. We're very equal and hands-on together. And so I think it's great for my kids to see that I'm not just like sitting here waiting for the next thing to happen. I'm going out and making things happen and doing things that are also fulfilling to me, not just like, okay, as I'm a I'm only a mom. Like I actually really hate that term because you're not just a mom. You're like your computer screen is open and you have 8,000 tabs going at the same time and you're constantly Trying to manage everything. And and so there's so much that can be done. So I do feel like that they are I guess maybe kind of the same in terms of like, I am a working mom. So I'm a mom that works. Jordyn Fullmer: Yeah, yeah. Courtnie Cotterell: Whether that's on a computer or at my dishwasher, I'm still working. Like, I don't know, we're doing it. What about you? What do you think? Jordyn Fullmer: Mm-hmm. Yeah, I love that. I think that I was somebody that maybe didn't consider or think about the fact that maybe I would be a mom that worked as well, when I was younger. And so I feel like for a while there maybe it was a little bit separate for me. but this Amazon influencer program journey that I've been on has made me realize that they're the same, right? Same thing as you said. That you can totally be both a mom and somebody that works. And I think we're working in all areas, whether that's cleaning the house or working at the job. And so I do think it's the same. And I think that it's important. Exactly what you said, just to reiterate. Like, I do think it's so important and cool for my kids to see my successes in work because they're excited for me, you know? And it's and it and it I just think it's good for kids to see that. They'll always ask me. They used to do it more, but they would ask me, Mom, how many videos do you have uploaded on your storefront? They would ask me that all Courtnie Cotterell: That's awesome. Jordyn Fullmer: the time. And they'd be like, no way. Like, that's so many. That's so cool, right? And so Courtnie Cotterell: That's so awesome. Jordyn Fullmer: I love this new aspect of our lives that wasn't always a piece in our story in the past, Courtnie Cotterell: Mm-hmm. Jordyn Fullmer: with mom working, because it's been a learning curve for the whole family. And I just think overall it's benefited on so many levels and so yeah. Courtnie Cotterell: Yeah. You know, it's funny because with you even saying that, I feel like when I was a young, young mom, I I wanted that non working life. Like that's what I really, really wanted was just to be a stay at home mom. Or again, just just to be a mom is not the right way to say it. But that's kind of what I was leaning towards. And then when opportunities arose and I just felt kind of like pulled to do something. it's actually really empowered me though. And I feel like for me personally, with having four daughters, I want them to feel those same things. Like I don't want them to feel like they need to kind of like, at least where we live, there's kind of a joke of people like, yeah, you're just gonna go get married and then you'll just be a mom and like a wife. And I want my girls to have aspirations and they're driven, like their work ethic is so strong and like just like a driving force in their lives. I want them to take those skills and be able to propel it to something that will help them, you know, whether they would choose to work or not. It's totally up to you. I don't feel like there's a right or a wrong either way, but I also feel like you know, I I'm fully supportive and fully aware that I have four daughters that are watching me, you know, and seeing what I'm doing. So it's it's an interesting, interesting thing to talk about, I guess. Jordyn Fullmer: Yeah, I love that. do you feel like there's been times where you've been pulled between the two? I mean, has that been hard Courtnie Cotterell: one hundred percent. Jordyn Fullmer: to navigate and and yeah, what have you done with that? Courtnie Cotterell: Yeah, I mean, I feel like especially because I set really high goals and high standards for myself, I have to check myself more regularly of making sure that I'm not letting it kind of get out of whack where I'm spending more time working than, you know, doing the things at home and being with my kids because the time with our kids is so short. I really want to maximize that time and make sure That were really enjoying each other's company and making good memories within that time. And I think when my oldest daughter moved out, that was the kind of like biggest like slap in the face was the realization that she's never probably going to live with me for 18 years straight again. And that time that we had together is gone, you know? I don't know if you've seen kind of some Jordyn Fullmer: Mm-hmm. It's hard. Courtnie Cotterell: of those graphs and things. And I wish I would have pulled it up before to just make sure I had the stats right. But have you seen those graphs where it shows like, On the one side, it's all of the time that kids need their parents and they spend with their parents from like birth until they get older and it just gradually goes like this. And then when you Jordyn Fullmer: Yep. Yeah, I've seen that. Courtnie Cotterell: move out, it's like so short, like the amount of time that you're actually with your family. And usually Jordyn Fullmer: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Courtnie Cotterell: that's like potentially vacations and family parties where you're not even just like one on one. So that it's so sad. Jordyn Fullmer: That's a hard thing. No, for sure. I yeah. I've seen those before. And it's it's hard when I'm in a mental state of burnout, right? Sometimes in my stage I see that stuff and I'm like, I kind of just push it off, honestly, because I'm already Courtnie Cotterell: Yeah. for sure. Jordyn Fullmer: kind of just like burned out and I don't want to feel bad about feeling burned out and like not utilizing this time with my kids as much as I should. Courtnie Cotterell: Yeah. Jordyn Fullmer: sometimes and so it's a hard it's such a hard balance, but it's a good reminder as well to not take things for granted, right? And Courtnie Cotterell: Yeah. Jordyn Fullmer: the stages go so fast. My my husband the other day was like he always likes to tease me about the kids leaving because he knows it's gonna be so sad one day. He was like, Hey, Steph, Courtnie Cotterell: It's so sad. Jordyn Fullmer: Steph is our oldest boy's name, Stefan. He's like, He's already Courtnie Cotterell: Okay. Jordyn Fullmer: halfway through, he's nine, like You know, you got you got just he's already halfway done. I'm like, stop it. I just like push him off. Don't even don't even say that. But no, that's awesome. Courtnie Cotterell: Sad. I know it's so sad. Jordyn Fullmer: What I I think along the lines we've been talking about, I love the idea of the kids seeing us have a passion. I feel like Courtnie Cotterell: Mm-hmm. Jordyn Fullmer: that's also a really cool thing. And it doesn't have to be work. For for you and I, it's you know, fitness. An Amazon influencer program work of some sort, but anything. And maybe just it is a mom that is passionate about fitness. That was me for a long time. I was passionate about fitness, and I think that's important for kids to see. but maybe it's any hobby. And I think it's cool for kids to see that and to respect that as well. All right, let's talk about a hard moment that you've experienced in motherhood and maybe how you got through it. Courtnie Cotterell: Okay, hmm, that's a good one. okay, well, I have two that I'll share. One kind of when I was like a kind of new-ish mom when my kids were a lot younger, and then one that kind of just happened recently. So, first off, my kids, like I said, they're all pretty close together. And when I had my fourth baby, I had what, a four year old well, a newborn, a two-year-old, a four-year-old, and a six year old. And that third kid, we tease her about it all the time now. But she was a pill. Like, no boundaries, cried, screamed all the time. Like, didn't get her way, cry. Like something would happen, scream. Like, I swear we we watch family videos and we'll put them up on the screen. And there's just constant crying in the background with this child. And I felt like I did not know what I was doing. Like here I was, just had my fourth baby. Granted, I'm dealing with like postpartum stuff too, which I'll talk about in a second that I did not realize was happening. But this child, this third child, totally sent us to parenting classes. And I went to parenting classes with a little newborn baby in a car seat to try to figure out how to help my little two-year-old. And it was granted she was two, but like she was a handful. So at Jordyn Fullmer: Totally. Courtnie Cotterell: that same time, it was crazy because I didn't realize it, but I went through just like just feeling sad, so much sadness for so long. And I kind of was getting to a spot where I felt like I was good. And my husband and I had had a discussion, like, yeah, let's we probably want another baby, but like, let's hold off. We kind of have a lot going on right now. And needless to say, the time came where we both kind of looked at each other and knew that we needed to have another baby or try for another baby. And I remember going into my OB and just like sitting on the like the doctor paper, you know, like the crinkly paper. And he's like, So you ready for this? When I think this is when I found out I was pregnant. Or no, it was when I like wanted to get pregnant. And I'm talking to him about it and I just like start crying. And I was like, I know that this is the right thing for our family, that I should like try to have another baby. But I was so sad for so long and I still don't feel totally normal. And I don't know like what's wrong with me. I feel like I'm typically a pretty happy person. And anyway, after a lot of discussion, he kind of pointed out, like, Courtney, you probably had postpartum depression. And just didn't know what to look for and what signs. And like, even just thinking about it, like I start to feel like a little sadness and get a little teary because it was so incredibly hard. Like, if anyone has dealt with anything like that, it was so incredibly hard. And here I was sitting at the doctor's office, basically saying, like, okay, I'm ready, bring it on again, even though the memory's so super fresh. So thank heavens for great medical doctors, because my doctor was able to help me through it and We were able to do a few things that kind of helped prevent that from happening and going as bad as it was after I had my last baby. But now that I have teenagers kind of on the flip side, you know, we're kind of more strict parents. And my kids, my oldest daughter, maybe you've already found this out, Jordan, with your oldest, but like, you know, you try things on your oldest and sometimes they work and sometimes you realize that's not what you want to do. And here we are, like doing everything with our oldest. She was She's an amazing person and just so great. Like honestly, the perfect first child, I guess you could say. And as we've had our other kids, they were just like, man, you are just so strict. And recently, within the last few months, I was at an event where we were sitting around with one of my kids and their friends, and there were some parents there. And the parents like legit were making fun of us for the way that we parent our kids. And it was the weirdest thing. It actually really hurt my feelings because we're all just trying to do our best, right? Jordyn Fullmer: Yeah. Courtnie Cotterell: But like I remember sitting there and like walking, like going home and I just like turned to my husband, like, Am I being overly sensitive? Or was that kind of like rude? Like it was in a joking manner. And, you know, I was like, yeah, bantering back and forth with them and they were too. But like it just kind Jordyn Fullmer: Yeah, but it's Courtnie Cotterell: of was a moment where it was like. I like we all are parenting different. We're all doing our best. A lot of it comes from the way that we were raised and the way that we want to raise our kids or the things that we're doing at home. Lots of stuff happens behind closed doors that people don't know about. And just to kind of have that moment where I was like, can we just not be all supportive of one another and be respectful of the decisions that everyone's making? Cause that was kind of like a hard, I don't know. It was just it was just shocking to me. I did feel like I was kind of in high school again and it was kind of sad, but Jordyn Fullmer: Interesting. One hundred percent. That's Courtnie Cotterell: I don't know. What about you? Have you had like hard things, do you feel like? Jordyn Fullmer: man. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. And I'll share mine. That's hard though. I mean, it's like it's frustrating to hear that and to hear you've gone through stuff like that because like you've said, this life we live is so hard on so many levels. And having those, you know, parenting tactics, whether they're different or not, is hard, right? Obviously, I'm sure your kids you know, maybe question some of the things you want them to do or not do or whatever. And then to have other people making fun of you, even if it's a joke, it's like that those are those are the worst ones, you know? So, Courtnie Cotterell: Yeah. Jordyn Fullmer: and and being postpartum, having postpartum depression and not knowing it at first is I mean, I know that affects so many people and that's such a hard thing. And then for you to go in and be like, I'm gonna do this again. I can't imagine. I can't imagine the emotions you felt. That was probably hard and such a leap to be able to do, but I've definitely Courtnie Cotterell: Yeah. Jordyn Fullmer: had yeah, I've definitely had parenting things. when I've I've always struggled with pregnancy, for example. I've gotten I've had weird pregnancies and I've had to do different things, you know, like shots through my pregnancies and I've gotten postpartum pre eclempsia a couple different times. on Courtnie Cotterell: That's so scary. Jordyn Fullmer: Two of my babies I got that, and one of them I got it after. So the cure to that is to have the baby. And so I did, and the postpartum preeclampsia came. And that was after my third baby. And It was really emotional because I'd already had preeclemsia during the pregnancy and with my first baby. And then to like call the doctor and them to be like, Yeah, you you need to come back now. It was a week postpartum. I still remember we had just ordered Olive Garden and I was sitting down with my two kids and my new baby and my husband. And I just remember having this feeling like you have a headache. And that's a symptom of it is a strong headache. And I'm like Why do I have such a bad headache? I think I'd realized that I had a headache that wasn't going away. And so I called the doctor, and I remember it she was like, Yeah, that's that's not good. I think you need to come back in. And you know how they talk about like the blurry vision and all that stuff. And so I went in, they actually admitted me back into the hospital one week after my baby was born. And my family was all out of town. And it was just really emotional. My husband He basically walked me to the hospital doors and like sent me and my new baby in because he had my other two kids and he was like, Good Courtnie Cotterell: Yeah. Jordyn Fullmer: luck, see you later. Like, not really, but he didn't have another option 'cause they didn't want I think it was i it was strict still with visitors and you know what I mean? They didn't want people in the hospitals and so yeah, that was that was a crazy time. The and then for like with my Courtnie Cotterell: Wait, how long were you in the hospital for? Jordyn Fullmer: it was just maybe two days or so they gave me Courtnie Cotterell: that's still. Jordyn Fullmer: just stuff through my IV to help with my blood it's a blood pressure thing, right? For anyone that doesn't Courtnie Cotterell: Yeah. Jordyn Fullmer: know. And so my blood pressure was really high for weeks after that. It was really hard. I was on blood pressure medication and it was this whole thing. I had to go into the doctor multiple times and get my blood pressure checked and it was like, is it ever gonna go down? And then I'm on this medication that my body was relying on. And you know In talking about health and and feeling good, it was a weird thing. It's like I, you know, I didn't have that issue before I'm young. And so it was it was kind of crazy. So things like that for sure have been really challenging throughout motherhood, having babies, pregnancy, all the things. there was also one postpartum time after my second baby, I think it was. I had to get my gallbladder out a month after. And so that was tough. I had just started feeling kind of better postpartum, and then I had to go through surgery and I'm breastfeeding Courtnie Cotterell: my goodness. Jordyn Fullmer: and they're putting me under, and they're like, Yep, you gotta pump a bunch so you can have milk because you have to pump and dump for this many days, or I can't remember what it was. Maybe it was 24 hours. But It was hard. It was so hard because it's already so much after you have babies to deal with and then there's all these health issues. I just I actually think that's a big reason I am a big fitness advocate is because I've gone through the lowest of lows with feeling so bad physically and Courtnie Cotterell: Mm. Jordyn Fullmer: not feeling like myself physically that I can't get enough of when I do feel myself physically. You know what mean? So kinda crazy. So many things in there. Courtnie Cotterell: Yeah. that's so true. That is crazy. So you had like it sounds you had two pregnancies that at the end, like you still were dealing with stuff after you had your baby. Like abnormal things. Jordyn Fullmer: Yeah. Yep. Mm-hmm. Yeah, for sure. Courtnie Cotterell: man. Jordyn Fullmer: let's let's break down mom guilt real quick. How often do you do you feel mom guilt a lot? Courtnie Cotterell: I mean, yeah, you try to not, but you do. And I think the biggest thing, like I kind of said earlier, it's like when you know better, you do better. And so you just have to try to do better after, you know, realizing whatever that is. whether like for me, I feel like I am good at qu being quick to apologize if I say or do something to my kids that maybe was like, you know, not the best thing. but mom guilt, I mean, there's there's a lot of that that can hand that can come. I feel like with me, with my younger kid. especially the youngest one. I spent a lot of time in the classroom with my older kids. And with my younger daughter, I'm just in a different spot. And so I have tried to instead of feeling mom guilt, I've tried to kind of retrain my brain that there's other things I'm showing up for if it's not in the classroom, you know? So I don't know. That's maybe not a great example. But what about you? What do you think? Jordyn Fullmer: Love that. I think it's really easy for us to feel mom guilt in areas that we're not great at. And so there's Courtnie Cotterell: yeah. Jordyn Fullmer: there's areas where I feel like I'm strong in. I love sports, I love playing catch with my kids. I feel like maybe not all moms like that, right? And so Courtnie Cotterell: Mm-hmm. Jordyn Fullmer: I'm confident in that area of motherhood, but there's areas of motherhood where I feel it maybe I'm like, maybe I feel like I don't cook dinner as much as I should, or co bake bake goods as much as I should. Things like that, Courtnie Cotterell: Ha ha Jordyn Fullmer: right? That I have genuinely felt. guilty about. And obviously I've felt mom guilt with work and trying to balance that. and so I do think to your point, just turning that corner and improving however that looks is I mean, we're all just on a journey. And as long as you're kind of going up with it, I think that's where we want to be. So mom Courtnie Cotterell: Yeah. Jordyn Fullmer: guilt's definitely something hard to navigate. And I think for me, social media can affect that a lot as well. And I know a lot of people Courtnie Cotterell: One hundred percent. Jordyn Fullmer: talk about that. But it's just We have to remember our strong points because our strong points are somebody else's weaknesses. so that's kind of my take on it. But Courtnie Cotterell: Yeah, there's always someone better and someone worse at you, right? Like than what you're doing, right? Like that's what we tell our kids is there's always gonna be someone better and you're always gonna be doing better at this particular thing than someone else. And I think that's the same kind of with being a mom. Jordyn Fullmer: let's just end with maybe advice you have f to a mom that's in a hard season and you know, just share with us maybe a thought there. Courtnie Cotterell: Yeah, you know, I think if if I were to look back even and just tell my younger self, like, reach out to someone. Like if there's if there's something you're struggling with, hopefully there's someone in your life you feel like you can reach out and just talk about it because that will be really helpful. One of the I was going through a hard time one time and with one of my children and I said something kind of in passing to my mother-in-law and she kind of stopped me in my tracks and was like, Courtney. Kids will be kids. And honestly, that was like the biggest piece of advice that she could have given me at the time. And I've thought about that a lot. and so just finding someone that can really like maybe just help you or listen, a listening thing, like maybe someone who's at the same stage you're at or dealing with some of the same problems. I do feel like with social media too, if you don't feel like there's anyone right in your circle and you're dealing with a particular problem, you really can reach out and hopefully find someone that's willing to help you. But what do you think, Jordan? Jordyn Fullmer: I think exactly that same thing. And I think just remembering that it is just a hard season and not to downplay Courtnie Cotterell: Mm-hmm. Jordyn Fullmer: it because when you're in it, it feels like you're in it and it's never gonna end. But it Courtnie Cotterell: Yeah. Jordyn Fullmer: does. with so many seasons of my life, I just think I'm never gonna come out on top. I'm never gonna feel better, but it you do, right? Life Courtnie Cotterell: Yeah. Jordyn Fullmer: goes on, things move on, it is just a season in the end, and so getting through it however that looks like with what you suggested, maybe having some support and then also recognizing that you will get through, I think is is huge. So Courtnie Cotterell: Yeah, no, that's great. Well, hopefully our a little insight into our motherhood journeys has helped some of you. Maybe there's some areas that you can just feel similar with and feeling like, you know, we all are in this together and we all are just doing our best. And I think that's the thing is just allowing grace for yourself as well as grace for all those around you and knowing that we're all on our own path and that we're just doing the best that we can. But this is where I'm actually next week. We are starting to interview guests, and I'm really excited about this. We have an excellent guest coming on who has worked in so many different aspects of her life at the university level. She's a great public speaker. She's been on TV. She's been in corporations doing presentations. And right now she's currently getting her master's degree. So it's going to be really exciting. She is also a huge fitness advocate And she played a big part in my fitness journey as well. So we're really excited to have our next guest on. And we're gonna be doing some episodes where we interview and then also just some with Jordan myself. So get excited and get ready. Jordyn Fullmer: It's gonna so awesome. I cannot wait to hear her story and for everyone to hear her story. It's gonna be so, so awesome. So tune in and we will see you on the next one.