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Never Underestimate the Power of a Woman's Love · The Spiritual Shitshow Podcast

• 0:00
  Never underestimate the power of a woman's love Welcome back to the Spiritual Shit Show podcast.
• 0:05
  My name is Julie Nguyen, and this is the real real of where I am standing right now There was a pivotal moment for me a couple of weeks ago.
• 0:16
  My husband and I, as most couples do, were getting into an argument, and It was nothing that meant our relationship was ending.
• 0:22
  It was an ordinary moment of tension.
• 0:26
  and in many relationships, you tend to have the same fucking fight over and over.
• 0:30
  It's the same thing.
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  And I remember thinking,"Oh my God, here we go again.
• 0:34
  We've had this fight.
• 0:36
  It's the same thing.
• 0:36
  Here we are again." But something was different inside of me.
• 0:42
  I just felt stronger, more stable, more like,"I am not doing this anymore." Not,"I'm leaving," or,"I'm mad at you," or,"I don't love you," but,"I, I am no longer willing to abandon myself to keep the peace." We tend to keep a really peaceful home.
• 1:08
  So when something is off, you can tend to feel it, and my 13-year-old daughter noticed, and she said,"Is everything okay?" And at first I did what so many of us do, and I said,"Everything's fine.
• 1:18
  Don't worry about it." And she asked,"Well, what's going on?" And I paused for a moment Really wondering how I'm gonna answer this, and what came out of my mouth was,"Nothing is wrong, and everything's gonna be different because Mom has decided that she is no longer going to abandon herself." And my daughter looked at me, she smiled, and then she started clapping.
• 1:48
  I felt that to my fucking core.
• 1:51
  Holy shit.
• 1:52
  Because in that moment, I realized something huge.
• 1:58
  I saw something I had been missing.
• 2:00
  I had believed that by being accommodating, grateful, easygoing, and endlessly understanding, always forgiving, I was showing my daughter what love looked like.
• 2:11
  I thought keeping the peace was strength.
• 2:13
  I thought swallowing my needs was maturity.
• 2:16
  I thought being nice and not too much was the same thing as being loving.
• 2:23
  But my daughter's response showed me something else.
• 2:26
  She didn't need to see a mother who silently settled.
• 2:30
  She needed to see a woman who knew herself.
• 2:34
  She needs to have a mentor.
• 2:36
  She needs to have a guide in her life who knows herself She needs to see that a woman can love deeply without disappearing.
• 2:49
  She needs to see that a woman can be compassionate without being compliant.
• 2:57
  She needs to know that a woman can have boundaries without being cold or bitchy, and a woman who can speak her truth without apologizing for taking up space Our children do not just learn from what we tell them.
• 3:12
  They learn from what we tolerate.
• 3:14
  They learn from how we speak to ourselves, how we allow people to treat us, how often we shrink to be liked, loved, chosen, or accepted.
• 3:23
  My daughter does not know every story from my ancestral line.
• 3:27
  She doesn't know every wound that came before me.
• 3:31
  She doesn't understand the work that I thought that I was doing so she doesn't have to carry that generational trauma.
• 3:39
  But I realize that she doesn't know any of that.
• 3:42
  But she does know me.
• 3:44
  She watches me.
• 3:46
  She watches the subtle ways I navigate my life, the moments I make myself smaller, the moments I don't say what I mean, the moments I overextend, overgive, overexplain, and convince that I should simply be grateful for what I have.
• 4:04
  And I realized healing the big obvious trauma matters.
• 4:08
  That's what I've been doing.
• 4:11
  But so does the micro healing, the healing that happens in the everyday moments.
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  The moment you say no without defending it.
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  The moment you name what hurts.
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  The moment you stop accepting crumbs as a feast.
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  the moment you honor your anger instead of shaming it.
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  The moment you choose your own voice over everyone else's comfort.
• 4:36
  For so long, women have been told to soften ourselves into silence.
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  Don't be too much.
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  Don't be angry.
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  Don't be emotional.
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  Don't be dramatic.
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  Don't make anyone uncomfortable.
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  Be kind.
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  Be grateful.
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  Forgive quickly.
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  Stay quiet.
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  Keep it together.
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  And I am here to say, finally, fuck that.
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  Not because we need to become hardened, not because we need to become cruel, bitter, or be disconnected, but because the divine feminine was never meant to be powerless.
• 5:09
  The feminine is not weak because she feels.
• 5:12
  She is powerful because she feels.
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  She knows when something is off.
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  She knows when a boundary has been crossed.
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  She knows when she has been betrayed by her own silence.
• 5:24
  She knows when it's time to stop negotiating with the parts of herself that are begging to be honored.
• 5:31
  I want to know the power of the feminine.
• 5:35
  I want to embody the kind of woman my daughter can look at and say,"That is what strength looks like." Not perfection, but truth.
• 5:46
  Not people-pleasing.
• 5:48
  Self-respect.
• 5:50
  Not endless sacrifice or abandoning myself to be able to love compassionately, and with strength.
• 6:03
  Because here is what I am learning.
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  Women have been taught to seek love as if it is something outside of us, as if someone else has to choose us in order for us to be worthy.
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  But we are not just seekers of love.
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  We are generators of love.
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  our love is a gift.
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  Our presence is a gift.
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  Our devotion, our intuition, our tenderness, our creativity, our ferocity, these are gifts.
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  And anyone who stands on the receiving side of a woman's authentic love is receiving something sacred.
• 6:39
  I'm gonna say that again.
• 6:41
  Anyone who stands on the receiving side of a woman's authentic love is receiving something sacred.
• 6:49
  So let this be your reminder You do not have to abandon yourself to be loved.
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  You do not have to be quiet to be safe.
• 6:58
  You do not have to earn your worth through overgiving.
• 7:02
  You do not have to settle just because you have been taught to call survival gratitude.
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  You are allowed to be powerful.
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  You are allowed to be tender and boundaried.
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  You are allowed to be loving and honest.
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  You are allowed to become an archetype you wish you had seen.
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  And maybe that is what this generation is asking of us.
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  Not to raise women who are afraid of their own fire, but to raise strong, compassionate, self-honoring women who know their value.
• 7:32
  Women who know that love is not something they have to beg for.
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  Women who know they are the source.
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  Never underestimate the power of a woman's love, and never underestimate what happens when a woman finally decides to give that love to herself.
• 7:51
  If this resonated with you, I want you to take a moment today and ask yourself,"Where have I been abandoning myself to keep the peace?" Then choose one small act of self-honoring.
• 8:04
  Say the thing you've been afraid to say.
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  Set the boundary.
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  Rest without guilt.
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  Ask for what you need.
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  Stop apologizing for your truth.
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  And if you're ready to become the woman your daughter, your younger self, and the world needs to see, know that we are here to be, create the archetype of what the divine feminine is.
• 8:32
  Share this episode with another woman who needs the reminder.
• 8:36
  Her love is powerful, her voice matters, and she is allowed to take up space.
• 8:42
  Thank you for being here.
• 8:43
  Till next time